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alone 2h
We need to fix my posture
We need to get a mask
We want to get several masks
I want to exercise for at least thirty minutes every day
We need several acceptable clothing pieces
We need to draw at least once a day
We need to at least think about a poem everyday
At most write… several poems
We want to reach Gold in League of Legends
We need to go outside
Get some sunlight
But the sun isn’t going to be around for a while…
So I guess never mind?
I want to become a better animator
I need a part-time job
I need to become a more active friend
Hanging out with the people I consider… friends
I need to raise my *** appeal
I want a girlfriend
We need to be a better person
And most importantly
I must remember to die
Because there is no life without death
That’s about it
Good luck :D
Not that anyone cares but these are my current goals in life
...
kind of
alone 2h
I'm too weak to be alone
I'm too weak to be with others
But this doesn't stop me from tossing myself into fires
And I do so every time with a smile
A ******* smile
I'm too naive for this
I'm going to be *****
I'm going to get even skinnier
I need to look out for me
I need to stop being so… me
This might make one or two people sad
But I don't care
Being hurt
It ***** so ******* much
I can't smile
I can't cry
I can't do anything
I want to drink
I want to get high
I don't want to live
But most importantly
I don't want love
Or be loved
So please
*******
the second and last poem of anger toward my plight
hurting ***** man ;-;
The fight is real,
fight to take control over you.
You, my friend
you have grown
you have grown to a higher level
and, in this level u possess a greater strength
now you have started to destroy me.

You were someone
who freed me from my regrets,
freed me from my anger,
freed me from my loneliness.
You were someone
who soothed me and I let you stay.
You made me feel that it’s ok to look back
and let me swim in you.
But now you have grown stronger,
you are pulling me down,
you have chained me,
you are clawing me deep,
deep into my soul.
I’m  drowning,
I feel suffocated when you **** that happiness that tries to pull me up.
Its hurts, my mind hurts
and now it has become physical...isn’t it?
I’m tired and I’m weak now,
at times I feel pain in every inch of my body
because of all those panic attacks you have created in me.

I don’t want you anymore.
What I want is a life,
I want to live, feel alive.
But you are trying to take it away,
you are trying to seek peace.
That peace a dead body possess.

This fight is real and it is mine to succeed
Because I started it
and I’m going to put an end to it,
an end to this toxic relationship.
You, Depression
You are no longer that friend of mine.
Glory 2d
My life is full of
Perhaps, one day's
And small dreams
Of someday's

Switching between
Countless maybe's
And simple songs of
Busy lately's

Never quite ready
For fearless okay's
And nostalgia for
Crazy 'those days'
I think I might finally be able to come to peace with it. The cold. The numbness has soon taken over me completely and I will be fine again.

My depression makes me exhausted and because of that I won't be able to stay awake and overthink when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep tonight. In a ****** up way I want to thank it for making me tired like that. For without that tiredness and exhaustion I don't know what would happen.

As much as I want the depression to go away, I don't know what to do without it. Who am I without it anymore? Has my personality faded away or is there a slim chance of recovery?

I don’t know.
And I don’t know if I'm willing or ready to explore that journey yet.



-j.m.k
_an old sketch_
Heera 5d
I am not able to write anymore
There is this pain
Still sounding fresh
Pounding against my chest
Heartbeats feeling like sinners drum
But there is nothing i can do
I want to write it all
But it's not happening
Probably because i'm hoping
The pain would turn into something beautiful
Probably love
Will show up on my doorway
Whilst i'm pretending to be busy with other stuff
Healing and hurting are so confusing
That
Sometimes you are undergoing both
Well i said it would be last on love
XD
And this one isnt for love/anyone
This one is just the truth that i'm not able to write anymore
I was just sitting in my room watching youtube and I grabbed my guitar and ended up writing the beginning of this.  The sixth line is when I stopped writing and came downstairs so I can listen to music and escape reality. I sat down at my dining room table and opened my notebook and decided to finish this "poem". I don't think any of my "poems" are poems anymore. I feel like I just sit down and write anything. I don't know what the name is for how-how I write the things I write. They are confusing and weird. I get myself down about it all the time I don't know why. If there is a name for how I write them, please comment cause I need to know. I have times where I sit down, write something then decide its bad and don't post it. The "poems" I do post I feel like no one will like them. I feel like I **** and something I really love doing.
s Oct 8
i am not happy,
the past will
never change;
the memories
still haunt me
& i don't
feel the same.
its just me n myself
once again
cuz i lost my lover
lost my best friend
he was never truly there
a figment of my imagination
all i wanted was his care
but love always leads to manipulation
so teach me how to move on,
teach me how to move anything
i am already too far gone,
but still craving your everything
temporary Oct 7
I pull at the strands of his shirts, his sweaters and his jeans.  
I become a seamstress and know he will come to me.

He buys new clothes instead.
Sometimes you have those fierce emotions
And you can't take on your own fierceness
You need to break somewhere

Don't break alone
Alone is the hardest place
To get back from
Trust them
And lower your strength
Because you can't hold up the sky for too long

We're human
We can rebuild
So stop comparing yourselves
To porcelain
We're not

Irreparable
When we are builders of whole cities
Why can't we build ourselves up again?
06.10.2018
Just something motivational. Sometimes you need to let go of all that you've been holding in. All that crushing you. Sometimes you just need to. Do it with someone. Be there for them too. Life is sharing. We share shoulders when we're down.
Feeamanillah.
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