"One day you'll find someone like you."

"I hope not."
Recently recollected a conversation I had with my dearest friend. I never thought that she would be right, but I'm scared that she might be right after all.
Also, Finally Hit 50 POEMS!!! Thanks to everyone for all of the love and support!!! Looking forward to the next 50 and beyond.
Wise luxurious and happy
Big fat fluffy and kind
My son was mine
An ode to puff. Lost to times rhymes

He said muckeyah
Not just meow
Always purring and happy
Black and white. Just wow

He wore a tuxedo
And had the longest whiskers
My fat bastard puffy fluffy puff
Confuscious Puff

I saw you one more time
Two. Or three. In dreams
He had a british voice
But some shadow took him

Again. He was in the closet
But before. A light
My left foot she touched
So close to him i lost
The white light. Let us meet again

Though i lost him. On a friday
The 13th. December 2013
I shouldn't curse a day
My own birthday was similar

What love brings and gives
Our lives will take away
But maybe beyond this
We get to see each other
Someday

Life and love can never be replaced
I just stare at your photos
My tears are no waste
I love you. I miss you. My puff puff
Blue and his bro Confuscious puff
Squealer
Askham angel
Shadow kai
Muffy pandora
Ox creamy
Matally
Riddles and headstone
Scruff homie squabie buddha
Cali ity-bity

Isis
Stubs
Meowser

Godzilla and the other one
And even more before them.
Lost to memory

Piggy. Weird dog and Og. Micauls pitbull
Hermes zoey and ubulooshi
Ubulooshi is a chow.
So we couldn't take him to texas

My old grandpas Buddy as well
Buddy was like my first

Frosty and Flakes

Our fluffy family. It hurts Everytime
Doesnt it

Even my beta fish. I took horrible care of
And fred the plant. :(

Life isnt something you just buy
Those memories don't come cheap
But are free all the same

There was a time
within me
I wanted to be
an actor
beaming
on stage
or a screen
big or small
no matter to me
after all
The exposure is nice
I guess
and all that kind of stuff
but that’s not
what drew me to it
Just being an actor
was enough

I enjoy performing
and have a memory
for lines
One of those people
who can quote
a whole movie
It plays in my head
can fast forward
and rewind

But it’s easy to recite
the work of
another
One who already
searched within
and discovered
what to emote
the affect
and such
To replay like
a puppet
That’s not saying
much
Could I nail
the scene
and get the feeling
right?
When other actors
work with me
maybe they
might
get inspired
to the point
they become lost
in the scene
We’re reliving
the story
A fantastic team
When the
director yells
“Cut!”
all applaud and cheer
Tears in the eyes
of some
touching memories
they hold near

The performance
The “art”
that’s what
matters most
A singer belting
out a song
or a comic
at a roast
The thought of
it now
gets me giddy
and inspired
but yet
here I sit
In my chair
I am mired

Never took that step
Overcoming
all that fear
My doubts
and insecurities
Worry how
much others
care
That fear of
failure
or that
I wouldn’t
“measure up”
A deer frozen
in headlights
I am
forever stuck

And as the time
continues on
The days, and months
and years roll by
Which is the greater loss?
If I failed
or never tried?
Written: August 8, 2018

All rights reserved.
sway - “how have you been ?”


me - but you sit and you think about things. you replay moments in your head . you think about the first signs of trouble you ignored. you think about the way you accommodated your needs for them , compromises , half smiles , nights in bed with them .. etc  you realize shit . you don’t really like the way they laugh, they’re actually pretty stupid , you were blinded etc ...  then you think to yourself was this love ? did i only like movies on sundays because it’s what they wanted ? or because i enjoyed it ? did i like chocolate chips cookies because it was their fav or it taste good ? & then you’re like NO . it wasn’t for me , that wasn’t me , i wasn’t myself . you probably thought this person was the “one” . then you look back , i mean really look back & then you’re like no . so you just delete all that shit . and you start over . you start to feel good , better than before . you feel relieved . what’s for YOU will always be for YOU . so you go through this whole process .  it’s not easy, but it’s worth it . somedays you wanna eat your heart out & you wanna cry to the sky . wondering why you have to go through this stupid shit. other days you lay back and smile at the sky while the sun shines down on you & you feel good . you start to realize all good things take time . you don’t rush it or half ass it . you go through it . and you’re gonna feel great . you’re gonna feel like one of Van Gogh’s pieces in a world that lacks color . but you made it . rome wasn’t built in day & neither were you .
my friend sway is going through a breakup and he asked me for advice that was my answer
Saint Audrey Aug 4
Another sunbeam, lost along the way
Remembering, long gone summer days
When the world was calmer
Everything sounded clear
But now your words keep falling
Ever further from my ears

Another sunbeam, lost along the way
lost to the elements, that pull like tidal waves
eroding further
Now the chaos reigns
Lost amid its shadow
Til its slowly pulled away

Do you think you'll look back at this moment in the same way
Since its not so disimilar
Since it sparked that particular memory

No
What’s a big bowl
But a midget’s boat
And what is peace
To a Jamnapari goat

Everything is relative
Said Leon Trotsky
But he was a raging communist
So he can rot in hell-ski
Juno Aug 3
i stare at the person in front of me in the morning.
tell them i hate them.
tell them they're ugly.
too fat.
too thin.
they're disgusting.
a disgrace to the human race.
worthless.
asking for it.
i stare at the person in front of me in the evening.
stare at the cool glass,
and she cries out
please,
you've got to be kinder to me.
learn to love the person in the mirror, they have never wronged you.
Mathis Jul 31
i'm sorry
but i have to forget you
have to forget every second
every laugh
every touch
every song we shared every movie we watched
the nights we had

to write my own new story ;
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