My life's shoelaces are always a little loose.
At any moment I could come undone
and trip over my own two feet.
with my hands tied behind my back
with the ropes of yesterday,
whose knots are tangled and frayed
like my nerves.
I clench my fists
like balls of fire could escape them
to keep me straight,
but I feel my feet become boulders
and it becomes harder to lift them
with my spaghetti legs.
The weight in my mind
sandwiches my heart between
it and the rocks
and I eyeball the river and think
wouldn't it be so easy?
She crept into my room in the dead of night
She taught me the religion of Albiero
A star far from earth, that on a clear June night
You can just barely see
It was two stars, actually
Circling each other, never touching
Playing hide and seek out of my pores like sweat and sulfur
I wanted to build her a temple, but my hands were like peeling roads
In these times, a city could grow legs, walk on stilts to the mountains
Still, I wonder when the ocean is on fire under the sunset
How will I swim back when the day is done.
A leap, a
a deep breath.
The Earth swallows me
wrapping me in splendor -
and for a moment I forget.
Relief and satisfaction
I may, I will allow my body
to glide just beneath the surface,
like silk against itself
or upon a newly shaven leg,
until the last air escapes me.
When I return
and I submerge only my ears,
the sounds of my breathing
that I can
and there is time.
But for now,
I'll just breathe.
I thought the storm had ceased,
passed by me without damage.
I thought we withstood the test,
in the harbor.
my ship is rocking,
unsteady in the water.
Our smooth ride
has come to an abrupt halt -
each untruth you spew,
throws another wave in our course.
at the peak of each wave
the water over my sides,
weighing me down,
and I don't know how long I can swim.
A quick refreshing dip
You float with utmost buoyancy
But with repeated trip
And growing sense of poignancy
Panic takes it's hold
Logic must be strewn aside
Bravely plunge the bold
To sink before they've died
So choices made light
Can end up more deep
As those figured right
Make for much peaceful sleep
Either way gives rest
But no stories are told
By those thinking best
When they have gotten old
There comes a point in your lives when all you want is to float, without a worry or care, to simply wade through the pools of the oceans, wishing for nothing -- only to drown.
It's called disclosure
I am opening
I am no longer closing myself
Fighting and falling
Tredding only realize
I am merely moving my limbs
Fiercely under water
As I sink farther down
Deeper into the unknown
My last breath a memory
Attempting to keep each one
As they weigh my down
Yet I am stubborn
I am still
All the time
So much to hold onto
So much I choose to hide
Tears spilleing out my eyes
Escaping my inner pain
Becoming one with the water surrounding me
I am one negative deep
All I have to do is pick up the phone
And make it two
I know what's what I need to do
Water is my safe place. As a child my heart soared with the seagulls above my floating body as it rocked me from side to side with the laughs of the tide. I was connected to the savior that I once worshiped with trickles of moistness on my forehead. And it has pulled the pain out of my body onto my cheeks with its salty touch.
But when the storm hits it can wash all serene thoughts away. It buries deep within the surface of fear and rolls over me with laughter as I wait.
I wait for I know it will come
When it releases the grip around my throat allowing clarity to overtake my frantic mind
The calming reality reminding me it was only a flash flood
Covering my senses leaving me paralyzed int hat never ending moment
That has ended
I thank my body for riding me of this mysterious monster that comes out not of a closet, my bed or a coffin,
But from the highlighted moments of darkness, of the skeletons of my heart, the pain of my neck, the locked jewelry box of my childhood containing every beaded necklace written h. i. m.
When this wave comes out, reach your hand, so when it pulls back, opening my lungs, filling their declared “self torture”, I know that the candy necklace can be eaten by us both.
For I know nothing can be created or destroyed, forgotten or given, re-gifted, lifted out of my body away from my soul. For I don’t want to this
Take this wave
and I can grab onto you
I pull myself up into the light of the idea that I am better than this
I may not want it, but I have it
It is within to scare, stop start me from all that comes
Although this wave my push me, it is nothing without the moon. And I have not a pulling force to guide me back up eveytime but myself
And that is the one thing it can’t take
So, flood me, take me, sway as you please, but I have a will and it does not spell out the word h. I .m. so it will always come back to me. My water will settle as I say and your pushing pulling will have to seize for I, I am more than the very water that nourished me. It is only part of the equation to keep swimming.
And swim I shall.
For I love the water, even that of the dead sea.
I get that it’s becoming too hard to fight
Your family and friends would be better off, right?
You can’t hear anything else over the sound of your knife
It seems so romantic to flirt with death for a night
None of the drugs seem to work anymore
Between the uppers and downers everything starts to blur
And nobody understands what you’ve been crying for
they all say “I love you” as they walk out the door.
But I remember this man who once jumped from a bridge
The water swallowed him whole but somehow he still lived
He told the news channel he’d never do it again
Because the second he jumped he remembered how to swim.
It might not make sense right now, but you should swim too
And if you need floaties I’ll throw them out to you
The current will fight but you can fight harder
You'll start to see light where you thought it’d get darker
And if it gets darker, that’s okay too.
I’ll light up a match and I’ll give it to you
I’ll hold your hand as your demons go up in flames
I’ll cover your ears if they call for your name
I hope that you realize that there’s no one like you
But I know that realization is a hard one to come to
Just promise me this, and I won’t make another sound
Remember the guy who swam, when he wanted so badly to drown.