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I was a dead body, decaying in decades of wreckage, buried in my tarnished land. Shape shifting into a muse that acquires its sunday best to stand tall, relentlessly.

And yet life is much wiser than to all of my whims, molding my heart as a vessel of my misadventures, and veins that bears my broken dreams. I still dance on a hard wood floor, memorizing the creaks on it; memorizing the fear of falling.

My skin and bone grows in unfamiliar love, shaped into a misery, it is morphed on my own garden of heaven and abyss, relinquished its life in romanticism and death.
Arlen 5d
I can feel my body breaking
in the tiredness of my bones
I can feel my body breaking
in the heaviness of my clothes

I can feel myself letting go
of what I used to dream
I can feel myself letting go
as the apathy rises around me

I can feel my mind shattering
as he tells me what he thinks
I can feel my mind shattering
as our friendship starts to sink

I can feel so much
but I still don't seem to care
I can feel so much
in the distance that is there

I can't let myself feel this way
in the long-range
I can't let myself feel this way
it's time to make some change
Cibin 6d
My heart sought a home, even when I was in one,
I moved here almost 9 years ago, I gave it my best,
To settle, to adapt, to overcome, to thrive even,
Instead I corroded, I mangled, I survived choiceless;

Through all your lush green and the rain,
I never found real comfort, just a respite,
I suppose I was stupid to expect it at all,
How does one find home in a war?

Nothing has changed, I don't expect it now,
I was just a city boy abandoned far away,
In an land, where I couldn't speak or relate to,
I'm supposed to belong here and I don't;

It's amazing how far I've placed my mind away,
I rarely live in that certain aspect of my existence,
I'm somewhere I don't belong and can't go back,
Where I used to belong no longer belongs to me;

I'm a nomad in a place I'll never understand,
I've grown accustomed to it's people and things,
The tailored familiarity often backfires into me,
I can't be in tune with them or them me,

I'm a child of the Earth, nameless and unbound,
Perhaps there is hope after all, I'm undefined,
Tried to fit in their boxes, gracefully broke all of it,
Maybe I don't fit in anywhere, the wildcard;

I do take great pride in that, it's a badge of quality,
The untamed among the tamed, blessed with chaos,
A mercurial maverick who desires rest and calm,
I'm only a person after all so I hope, I hope, I hope...
Man Mar 5
If it were mine-
I think of the past, time
Unpauses, and I'm brought back.
I'd never have;
Factors weigh too heavily, those
Strings that keep me attached.
Choose to come back.
Waters fall, the stream cascades
Flowing into itself
Over & over again
a celestial body
lesser of age but
brighter in composition
was found to be
unexpectedly disarming
in its distorted form
unable to maintain
its expected shape
it was drawn in by
the voracious needs
of the other's gravity
a starry beckoning
that caused these
entities to draw forth
towards one another
this sharing of energies
a merger however
seemingly not unlike
those observed before

and yet something
about this pairing
steals the attention
of the experts and
the admirers alike
this rotation of one
about the other
guarding devotedly
from perils unseen
in the midst of
this stellar pirouette
there continues a chaos
pulling from all directions
both together and apart
defiant and undeniable
fluctuating with unknowns
eventually to become
I’ve always wanted happiness, to keep it
Not just feel it.
To never feel the pressure to have an umbrella, allowing the rain to soak my skin and leave the sun to dry my soul.
I’ve always wanted it all.
Nagging at the television, of what’s real and what could be.
A good home was always better than a perfect one.
Oh how I wanted it all!
And to know, it was of existence, while I denied myself the moments.

I wanted it all, but it would seem I needed not it at all.
It’s only natural
When you cut out impurities that
A bit of you comes too

When you cut a splinter
From your palm
Using a pocket knife
You cut across the top
Of where you see the splinter’s shadow
And pick it
With the tip of the knife

Now
Ideally
That’ll pry the splinter loose
One shot
Maybe a bit of blood
No tears

But if it’s a stubborn ******
You could pick and pick
And pry up chunks of skin

The blood gets going
And the splinter digs in deeper
Just because you won’t let up
And it’s a whole ordeal

But you’re determined
Not to let it get the best of you
B Mar 3
How lovely you look, so lit up.
I always keep my room
glowing like a subtle dream
sunset; orange, lavender, vibrant peach.
Now you're mine in the midnight hour
overcome by it, for a week.
Hoping you'll notice
the lonely pothos leaves
she's survived so much
we have both survived living with me.
I never liked this town
but you are so beloved
brought you here
now we're so above it.
Sipping on french champagne
(forgot to budget)
no worries, I'll be gone
this time next year
in some strange place with the curtain drawn
thinking of us here.
We mature by damage, not by age
Not by milestones of numbers, but by the prickles on every stairs.
Hurting in order for knowing.
Painting appealing, the repulsiveness of growing.

Childhood memories planted in traumas and miseries,
Becomes a template to adulthood and its emissaries.
The erudition of time, insults continuously the morsel of one’s life.
Gifts and rewards.
Becomes the incarnation of endeavors and endurance.
At 80, I’ll dance
At 100, I’ll have died
Only for many to say
She lived a happy life.
So bumptious of mankind.
AE Feb 20
The presence of words spoken
weighs heavily on these trembling hands
I wish to take the clocks that overtook me
and inscribe in them all the lessons and stories
gifted to me by loved ones
back when I was too preoccupied with tomorrow
and everything I wanted to be
When this world was all, I thought about
and this life was all I could see
Occasionally, I find a hollow breath
and sometimes, it’s enough to fill these lungs
as I soak this anxiety in remembrance
Befriending grief and hiding from time
walking home in a new day’s cold
Shivers and chills, pulling apart my steps
With aching bones and a desire to rest
but forward and forward I go this time
knowing, wholeheartedly,
that seasons never last
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