someone once told me
you never forget your first love
you always love them
maybe in some strange twisted way
your brain forgetting
all the pain they caused
you love them
and i think they were right
because in a way
i love you
and i think i always will
for some nonsensical reason
i will never see the world
the same because of you
and sometimes i wish
i could change that
erase you from my thoughts
as you distort them
with your unwavering power
but then i remember
i wouldn’t want it any other way
you have shaped me
into the person i am today
and because of that
and i wouldn’t change a thing

- i'll never forget you

Before you
Back when
Bottomless trenches
Coerced with whatever was left
With lullabies as morose as
the winds that we believed
gave us the frozen whip and
brought us back to life.
With what voice has ensued
me to regret each decision that has led
me further away from you.
Still-struck by a twitch of sparks
that was created in the midst of my agony

Before you
Back when
Foundations collided with fools
A casual wreckage betwixt the hate
A self loathing beyond measure
Broken and
Bedridden unto forgiveness
Willing and waiting for failure
that has justified my roots
And condemned us to pointlessness
Unable to remember
Which shattered memories built the love
That has sadly
Sunk into the abyss

Before you
Back when
I can’t tell which was then
And which one follows
the intentional pursuit to happiness
That we juggled with our bodies
While love making had a purpose
And finding ourselves in souls we
deemed liable
Can never be forgotten
Yet I must choose
To remember something else

Before you
Back then
Hell is nothing more than a passing
A stop in which I got off
And never returned
Yet I can’t deny you of such an illness

There’s something about a first love

They are the ones that will give you the sweet first taste of love
and all the butterflies and chills that swing along with it

The first of many that you will be vulnerable to
but the only one that will never lose your heart

I fear for a day where I will no longer feel love towards this old friend of mine
but I fear more that it will never stop

Anger and sorrow and missing the one who refuses to detach from your mind
will cause a war within yourself
and a heartbreak only you could ever know

Situations like these you may find yourself looking for a solution in places or people
that cannot fill the void forever

You may try to medicate yourself with poison
but when the high is over, the lows creep back around
and dance in your mind till you cant cope with the pressure of the rhythm they dance to.

My pillow is soaked and my lips are salty

A long hard stare in the mirror and puffy red eyes and burning hot cheeks
leave me with nothing less than hate for the one whos made me appear this way

**** love.

I was the one who took your ******* and I was the one always there
I loved you when you gave me a thousand reasons not to

I want to say no fair, but I was the one who took your *******,
and I was the one who loved and forgave you when I knew I shouldn’t have

My bad

But you see, there's something about a first love

He was never going to change
and deep down I knew that

I was stuck on the good memories
though the construction of those have came to a halt

I made myself vulnerable
and opened my heart to someone who never intended on keeping it safe.

One day, however, I will find myself freed from the madness and aching
and his image in my mind won't be so tense

And I will recover with the only medicine I ever needed,
self worth.

darling, loving me is falling apart with octobers and kissing your poems goodbye. it is watching autumns unfold while slipping into the tracks of a freight train. i will kiss your skin, all chapped lips and sweetened cigarettes, my hands on your neck, as if feeling the walls of an athenian ruin. i will be every distinctive silhouette in a film, every line in a song, every secret spilling gracelessly off your lips before you catch yourself. i will set you on fire and you will burn; all wide-eyed and irises made of the storm, beneath my feather light touches.

i have a proclivity for breaking hearts and you will find yourself neck-deep in whirl of heartbreaks and headlights — all moonstruck and confused. i will break you — destroy you, bit by bit, in the most elaborate, exquisite way, that you will know one thing, darling —

chaos has a tendency to look beautiful.

I want to cauterize my feelings,
walk on broken glass un-pained,
at least that would stop me from calling out
your name.

Darling, I'm a thunderstorm
and my rain pelts down harsher than the
words you spit
in violent vehemence
Darling, I'm a thunderstorm
and my lightening strikes brighter than the
empty promises you made
(brighter, but just as fleeting)
Darling, I'm a thunderstorm
and my rage is vast, immeasurable
filling oceans with its ferocity
Darling, I'm a thunderstorm
and this too will pass, leaving
chaos in its wake.