i was never quite the same
after your leaving.
inside you broke glass
Our love was beautiful,
innocent and sweet.
Like flower buds on a tree, seeing the sun for the first time.
It grew into fresh fruit, refreshing everyone who encountered it.
Then automn came and our fruit dropped to the ground, taking the leaves with it.
Although it was a sign of death, I still found it beautifull.
We were breath taking.
Our love flowed like rivers and streams hidden deep in the forest.
Then the cold came, and she came.
We lost our spark. You spent more time with her, and allowed her to burrow her way into our tree.
Slowly, she took our nutrition and ripped the roots out from under us.
She froze the remains of us and eventually we died.
Then you grew a new tree with her, using our dead fruit and leaves as nutrients.
Now a new frost has spread and this new winter has killed your tree with her.
This cycle will remain until you have learned how to shelter your tree from the cold.
But the saddest part is that our tree was not grown from the cold that killed the leaves in which your trees now grow.
Our love was sprouted from the sun, it was fresh and new, and innocent.
Glass shattering into a million pieces,
No matter what I do,
A glass of wine can not erase you from my life.
I find memories of you reflected in every bottle,
Happiness no longer exists,
How others see me, I don't care,
Life has betrayed me,
Lost my love,
Love no longer exists in this broken life,
Looking for one reason,
To live on without you,
To find one who I care about,
Other than you, is,
An impossible thing to do.
Copyright © 2017 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved
I needed you
so horribly badly that my soul began unstitching fragments of the reality we had, looking for you.
So madly, my ribcage was barely able to keep my lungs from breaking out, in search of your breath.
Will you forgive me when I choose the most utter simplicity in order to stay alive?
I swear I will return,
but in the meantime,
bear in mind that a drunken heart is way too heavy for a butterfly to carry.
I do not want to be touched like a steering wheel is touched;
Or a guitar-
Like I am a machine, an instrument made of parts,
Like if you pluck my strings, I’ll sing for you
Like I was only created to get you from point a, to point b,
Like I was made entirely to respond to your urgings. –
I do not want to be loved like a dog is loved,
Or a car.
Like I am the comforting warmth at the foot of your bed, or the meticulously painted frame you can’t wait to show your friends,
Because you still hope you can earn their respect. –
My love, I want you to touch me because it is through my skin that you can cool the fear that burns me,
I want you to want my body because it is the artistic expression of the person God made me!
Do you know that God made me? –
My love, I want you to love me because I AM the bones inside your body,
Because I am the ribs that curve around the softest part of your insides, protecting.
I want you to love the way it hurts to love me,
Because nothing worthy is painless,
and I am nothing if not worthy-
Do you know that I am worthy?
why am i not surprised when boys cancel
their eyes averted their lips sewn tight
into a frown
“sorry” they say then deliver some bullshit
and i breathe it in
without any other thought except that
i brought this onto myself
the way that some people believe they cause
hurricanes or volcanic eruptions
i believe that i cause cancellations
either with my personality or with my luck
(although i’m not sure which is worse:
being broken or damned)
all i know is that it kills me
that i don’t put on makeup before
dates anymore because i won’t
waste mascara on tears won’t waste
lipstick on the edges of a shot glass
after i’m forgotten
it kills me that i don’t get butterflies
when i kiss people because if i got
butterflies anymore thousands of
species would have suffocated
Before you came and rescued me from self-destruction
I was once confused and naive
Believing lies and making up truths, all examples of make-believe
I was desperate to feel something other than betrayal
Desperate to fall in love, and to create my happiness
When things fell apart, I convinced myself I was blameful
When oceans formed on my cheeks that night, I realized his ungratefulness
I had given so much of me
So much time had past
So many secrets buried in our hearts
Yet I was the one who felt empty
Watching him with all his sweethearts
Leading me on with empty promises and fake joy
How could my heart be this damaged by this boy
Suddenly everything else made sense
Like puzzle pieces coming together
His true colors came to light and revealed all the nonsense
Finally, I blamed myself the most.
Ignoring red flags and making up excuses
Convincing myself he was perfect to my friends
Even though I felt bruises in my heart
I was smarter than this
I thought I was falling in love
Really, I was just falling.
I am lost
in the labyrinth of my emotions
I am drowning
in the depths of my despair
I glanced back at you;
you looked away
I closed my eyes
and turned away
where did I go wrong?
our fire was blown fast, extinguished
i was once not sure
but now i do know:
things that ember
do not glow forever