if only we used our tongues
to speak words of beauty
rather than to cut someone
down like a dagger.
the twist of the
tongue is a powerful tool.
  
it’s shame you used yours
to cut out my heart
when all I wanted was to love you.

the mind is a dangerous place.
it’s a void, it’s a galaxy,
it’s endless and infinite and full of everything you ever were
and everything you ever could be
but my mind is still full of you.

if there came a day where you packed all your emotional baggage and left
I’m not quite sure what I would do
I would not sit and cry
for I do not cry
and I cannot sit still
I would not listen to sad songs
I would listen to loud  metal rock
in a hope to drown out the final words that past your lips to me
and every other word you have said to me

I would not watch films or read books I would lie on my bed trying to ignore the tea stains
and the blankets we curled up underneath I would stare at the ceiling trying so hard to block every part of you from my mind

I would not watch films or read books I would lie on the bed trying to ignore the tea stains and blankets we curled up under I would stare at the ceiling trying so hard to block every part of you from my mind

I would never drink tea from the cup you gifted me I would never read Harry Potter again after all the long talks about our shared favourite series

unless I was sad about all the moments we would never share
then I would sit and drink tea  hoping it would drown me
I would read Harry Potter watch the films and glance at fan art simultaneously
i would listen to every sad song that ever reminded me of you
i would sit unmoving for days tears of tea running down my face

i would not be able to not think of you over time this may change
but i would always have a scar to remind me of the old wounds time never can’t heal
and i will always hope that you would heal them one day

Someone said to me
“Your skinny,
Maybe your anoxic”.

I bit my tongue
And reminded myself,
It’s a good thing they don’t know

Because if they did
They would have faced it
The insanity, the heartbreak and all that it brings.

The running up and down the stairs
One hundred times a day
And all the excuses why.

The bags of rotting food
Under the bed
That we all hoped you’d eaten.

The neighbour saying they
Heard your screams
When it was time for dinner.

The heartbreak of watching you
Build your death bed
All the while saying you were fine.

Don’t tell me that you understand
Unless you’ve felt it’s deadly presence
First hand.

i hate writing about
the things you did to me
because as i'm sitting here
bleeding out from
the wounds you plastered
on my skin
treating my body as if it was
your personal
practice canvas,
you are going about
your life as if you
didn't permanently
make my mind so
******* fragile

so i refuse to
bleed your name
through each and every
one of these pages
i refuse to let you
think after all these
years you still have
power over me

I've always felt affection but not in that way.
I thought that something was wrong with me day after day.
My mom, my dad, my friends, and my brother,
I've never been able to say it to another.
It's because I fear that they will all leave me
If I allow that monster to come and eat me.
So I'm sorry to everyone I know now or knew in the past,
It's not that I hate you it's not that at all.
It's just because I've never been able to say
I Love You.

Because of you
she learned to cry
without making a sound

Because of you
she learned to hide her puffy eyes
with carefully applied concealer and eyeliner

Because of you
she learned to hide the marks on her wrist
with full sleeves and fancy bracelets

Because of you
she learned to not let someone in
through the walls she has built around her heart

Because of you
she learned to be on her own
and be comfortable with it

Because of you
she learned to love herself
in ways you never could.