I just want to say good luck
To my past lives
Who now have future guys without me
I hope they treat you great
And wont procrastinate
When you need them to take out their dang socks out of the dryer.
And maybe stop leaving the window open in your mom's minivan
I rotate myself like a rotisserie chicken
So I can feel the burn of emptiness left in me.
I turn and turn
Until my mood is dire and my humor drier
From this mirage of hope.
That dissipates to the back of what's left of my crowded mind.

I find myself looking at wedding rings in pawn shops.
Knowing that I will eventually find myself back
At this exact counter adding a total to the line of wedding rings.
Like my parents before,
They bring me a bringing of upbringings
On how to fall into dislike.
Slamming doors,
And talking mad shit.
Are common vocabulary words for my ears
And it make me uncomfortable when it is absent.

Like this isnt right…

So I just want to say good luck.
To my future wives
Who want to live life without me
I’m sure i'll prepare you
For next guy you’ll date
And for every guy you'll hate
clara 3h
envision the hottest summer
a dry heat like forest fire
burns slow but grows too quickly
what if you mistook the flames
for sweet embrace
what if it was too hot not to touch
and you tripped and turned to soot
what if you didn't deserve the mercy of rainfall
or the peace that comes with fizzling out
you reach for hands that aren't there
and never learn your lesson
you stomp your foot but you leave
no impression
If he says he's not sure, take that personal with every being
He is not sure about you, he doesn't want to choose you
The only reason he is not letting you go is because he is selfish

You are the stars around the moon
You will sparkle for a long distance away
Your presence is always so peaceful and endearing
IT makes a difference with and without you

Just because he is not ready for you
It does not mean you stop shining
It does not mean the whole world won't stop staring at you in awee
It does not mean you aren't the most beautiful thing

You are hurting
But extraordinary things heal
By themselves or with the help of others, they heal regardless
Do not worry, you will heal and
See the light

You are Extraordinary

Just everything you need to be.
Everything you need to be for yourself.
Some rough writing after a very long time..
You used to think I was jealous because I was a possessive person. You used to think I didn't want to share you; that the thought of another person touching you made my skin burn.
My jealousy did not come from possessiveness.
It came from insecurity. It came from the reality that I was giving you less than what you deserved.
You deserved the warmest hellos and the saddest goodbyes but I disregarded you like you weren't rare. You deserved all the attention that one can give. You deserved to be chased even when you were already caught. You deserved tender lips and ultimate worship. You deserved fragile care.
I didn't give you that.
I gave you cold shoulders and reckless caring. I gave you little to no nurturing and I will forever hate myself for it.
I was jealous because I knew someone else could have offered you better. I was jealous because I knew someone could offer you love.
I was jealous because I was scared you would realize.
You were too naive to admit it.
Elliot 7h
Can’t sleep.
Lying here.
On my bed.
A bright screen.
No life.
My head
Filled with knives.
I bled.
For a time.
Words unsaid
Steady decline.
Depression fed.
Fault’s mine.
Should’ve fled.
Was a sign
Should’ve read.
Got there fine.
Where it led?
Should’ve said
A bright screen.
Now red.

Not yet.
What’s next
Lying here
On my bed?
no i'm not her
no i never will be
no i'm not as tall as her
no i'm not a pretty as her
no i'm not as nice as her
but i know i am better than her
i can treat you better than she ever could
i will care for you like she never would
i will help you like she never could
i will love you like she never would
but you love her
and i'm just here
with no love from you
but that's okay
because you love her
and you will never love me.
you ruin me
you verbally beat me with your words
but i embrace you in my arms
i give you all my love
while you push me away
you insult me
but i don't stop
in fact, i give you my heart
i give you my trust
but i get nothing in return
nothing besides hurtful words
nothing besides lies
nothing besides your anger
but i give you nothing but love
nothing but honesty
nothing but positivity
and all you do is hurt me
you break me
you ruin me
so i run
i run as far as i can
i run to get away from your lies
i run to get away from your abuse
because you don't deserve me
you don't deserve any part of me
you don't get my embrace
you don't get my positivity
you don't get my trust
you don't get my honesty
you don't get my heart
you don't get my love
you don't get any of it anymore
because you don't deserve me
and i know that now
so don't come running back to me
because i've already run as far away from you as i can
and i can't run anymore.
Love is a strange thing. You feel how it consumes your whole body. You feel how it strangles your lungs leaving you breathless and how it engulfs your heart; making you feel at home. You feel like you're dying eventhough you have just begun to learn how it feels like to be alive. But then , your lover disappoints you; and you feel how it consumes your whole body. You feel how it strangles your lungs; suffocating you and how it engulfs your heart; breaking it. You feel like dying eventhough you have just begun to get use to the feeling of being alive. Love is a strange thing.
bk 11h
Oh, my heart is locked away
I think you stole the key
My heart is set on you alone
Though you don't think of me.

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