We cling and attach to anyone who stabilizes; sway in the wind wistfully high as dandelion seeds carry. We plant ourselves in the ground for survival, but some make the mistake of planting into others. Our survival relies on those we feed on. Dependent and Fastened. My skin adhered to the thick of your heart.
Why do we deem it necessary to grab fistfuls of each others flesh? Our instinct reminds us that we are grains of sand when not connected in tandem with one another. We rather starve than feel alone.
Id rather starve and strain every cell of myself. Breathing seems difficult as your absence weighs heavily on my chest. I cant tell if i'm a lost grain of sand floating along seeding dandelions or if i'm rooted and heaving. Either way seems unbearable without you.
But in your absence, instead of clinging onto flesh, instead of treating myself as adhesive and surviving for the sake of your breath;
if there came a day where you packed all your emotional baggage and left I’m not quite sure what I would do I would not sit and cry for I do not cry and I cannot sit still I would not listen to sad songs I would listen to loud metal rock in a hope to drown out the final words that past your lips to me and every other word you have said to me
I would not watch films or read books I would lie on my bed trying to ignore the tea stains and the blankets we curled up underneath I would stare at the ceiling trying so hard to block every part of you from my mind
I would not watch films or read books I would lie on the bed trying to ignore the tea stains and blankets we curled up under I would stare at the ceiling trying so hard to block every part of you from my mind
I would never drink tea from the cup you gifted me I would never read Harry Potter again after all the long talks about our shared favourite series
unless I was sad about all the moments we would never share then I would sit and drink tea hoping it would drown me I would read Harry Potter watch the films and glance at fan art simultaneously i would listen to every sad song that ever reminded me of you i would sit unmoving for days tears of tea running down my face
i would not be able to not think of you over time this may change but i would always have a scar to remind me of the old wounds time never can’t heal and i will always hope that you would heal them one day
i hate writing about the things you did to me because as i'm sitting here bleeding out from the wounds you plastered on my skin treating my body as if it was your personal practice canvas, you are going about your life as if you didn't permanently make my mind so ******* fragile
so i refuse to bleed your name through each and every one of these pages i refuse to let you think after all these years you still have power over me
I've always felt affection but not in that way. I thought that something was wrong with me day after day. My mom, my dad, my friends, and my brother, I've never been able to say it to another. It's because I fear that they will all leave me If I allow that monster to come and eat me. So I'm sorry to everyone I know now or knew in the past, It's not that I hate you it's not that at all. It's just because I've never been able to say I Love You.
This just popped in my head in class I hope you like it. Also sorry it's so short