i fought so long. for something that was no longer right for me.
i held on so tightly to a rope that was splitting,
unwinding itself between my fingers, scraping my skin as it grew thinner.
i closed my eyes when the bombs went off.
i held my breath when the waves got too high.
i kicked and screamed my way through a war.
and when the smoke cleared,
i was left with bruises and burn marks.
i was left with a pain in my chest from forgetting how to breathe.
i was left with water in my lungs from trying to stay above water.
i was left to pick up the pieces.
and sometimes i find lost parts of you,
pieces you’ve already forgotten you once had
and i hesitate.
because they remind me of all the things we did right.
all the infinities we spent together...
seeing them reminds me that you can do everything right,
and life will still tell you,
that you are wrong.
you don't win a war by screaming and holding your breath
i have learned that much by now.
but it still hurts
to see the pieces you’ve left behind.
the life we almost shared
the life we could have had
turning to ashes.
but i do know, that from the dying embers
it is possible to grow back again.
and maybe, just like the trees in the fall
when they shed their leaves
they are only leaving pieces behind
for a new life to grow.
and maybe i can grow too.