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I looked back at us one winter
And I felt a shiver
Thinking about
how cold it was
When you left.
But I should have embraced this cold,
Like a tree
Who drops it's clothes
And it's leaves
Unafraid of the cold
And stares winter
in it's eyes,
Deep and blue
And say,
Summer will be back soon
I think of how much
I miss you,
imagine you throbbing
inside of me like
a heaving serpent,
your venom
seductively lethal.

{detach}


I say your name;
scream your name;
howl your name;
let it linger on my tongue
in stale dewdrops of desire,
in bitter muscle memory
I've never managed
to drink away.
{wash my mouth out with soap}

I write about you.
haphazard,
illegible lacerations
on unsuspecting parchment.

{They ask if I am afraid
he will read this poem

"No,"
I profess--
he's never cared
for any words
but his own}
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Dox
I only saw four girls when I came to be,
I wish I saw a boy but the only boy was me,
A man showed up but not for long, he gave me up cause he was wrong,
My mom I love her but she left me to,
I need her more than my sisters do,
I hear people talk but the worst isn't true,
I know my mom loves me and I love her lots too,
Sometimes I remember when we smiled and play games,
I really need my mom's hugs No hugs are the same,
I cannot forget her for her love is the key,
*** all I pray is one day mommy's with me!
I'm Going On The Run,
Watching silos in the Sun,
Trying to find a place to hide,
From the evil that's inside,
Corn fields in the landscape,
Let's give in more take,
Thoughts they fill my head,
Try to distract them instead,
The woods are dark and baron,
So I just can't stop staring,
4 hours from my home,
I feel so all alone,
Cry myself to sleep,
For the company I keep,
I hope you enjoyed your stay,
I made it through another day!
If you should ever love, may it never be a wildfire-like love
Easy to catch, when the conditions match
But once caught, leads to endless distraught
Life will be spent wishing you had never fallen so deep
But it's a wildfire you see,
You can try all you want
But you just cant put it out
And all that remains
Are the burns and the barrenness.

If you should ever be loved, be it the wildfire kind of love
For there is no love of any other kind
With such catastrophic intensity but also divine
Its the kind of love that scares you, makes you, breaks you
To receive such a love, know that you are among the chosen few
If you are lucky enough to ever have a lover as such
Turn their distraught into bliss by loving them just as much.
From the Lover
I wish I could write something beautiful
just for you
but my life is so horrible
because you arent here

this plays in to my words
because there is no beauty in me
I cant see the light
I am surrounded by night

everywhere I look
there are people
yet I am so lonely

I can hear the voices
but they're not for me

I am in a cold, desolate land
but its so scalding

my only joy
comes from seeing your face
and hearing your voice
all a distant memory
I was looking over all of my poems the other day and I decided that this was one worth putting on here. I wrote this about 7 or 8 months ago. This is one of my better ones from this time.
beated
pushed against the wall
touched
loved for one reason
***

impassive morals
but love
strong emotions
and pain

that combination
is what drives some of us insane
Just a try^^
The time I spent with you I never regret.
I learned so much about myself in your presence,
and more than I could have imagined,
I fell in love with someone I wanted to spend forever with.
Ironically though forever now seems impossible.
Every day is a waiting game,
and I do not know if this second will be the last.
So I turn away.
Leave behind what made me so happy.
And all the memories I’ll treasure
will only remain as that.
I do not want you to see me the way I will become.
Goodbyes laced with anger will hurt far less than a goodbye at the edge.
And I’m sorry it’s come to this.
I’d turn my days around if I could,
and all the lies would never have to be.
But I can’t hold onto hope when hope flickers so small.
she pushes the little seed into the dark soil
a worm is frightened by the sudden inruder and dives deeper into the dirt
the seed is contempt with its dark wet home

she waters the seed and makes sure it gets enough sun
the worm is still wary of the intruder and looks it with doubtful eyes
the seed just drinks and feels the sun's warmth

she sings to the little seed
the worm begins grow fond of the seed
the seed cracks open and a sprout pushes out of the dirt
I think to learn to love yourself you must know no harm is going to come from it.
You have to know it’s time.
It’s time to love the way your curls spiraling down and it’s time to love the curves because you learn in middle school it’s impossible to draw a straight line.
You have to love your smile. How the most simple things will warm your heart and even the little disruptions will bring you to tears.
But that’s okay, because it’s who you are.
It is time to love the way people walk away from you.
It’s okay that you did not give them what they wanted but you were what they needed.
It is time to love yourself.
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