i hear your waltz, dear bird.
the melodies that pull at the strings holding what’s left
of my heart evermore.
i listen, to the shuffle of your ruffled feathers,
your light feet
dance to the creak of hardwood.
a sonical prison.
as this intrepid cell guard is
fueled by my schizophrenia,
and van gogh like delusions.
none of grandeur.
so here are my ears, one sliced from reality,
the other searching for its vibrations.
each majestic, and just as much
consequentially miserable, piano strike
marks a new set of steps for you.
and although i no longer feel,
nor see, i still hear exactly how you carry yourself.
and from that i draw insane conclusions.
from there, upon just listening,
i can imagine what your ****** expressions are like,
and from your laugh as you dwindle around this penitentiary
like a loose branch amongst gusts of wind
i can tell you’re free.
free to fly. free to feast.
free to find a new mate.
free to watch the world burn
from a bird's eye view.
just as we used to do.
free at last, most importantly from us,
more specifically from me.
and although i no longer
feel, nor see.
i still hear exactly how happy you are.
and that isn’t the most heart shattering aspect of our ordeal,
or should i say, my ordeal, to live with, alone.
because the part that really allows me to carefully and diligently pluck single strands of hair from my head as if i could somehow string out the memory of you out from my infinite depths,
is the fact that i can hear, clear as day,
another bird’s chirp,
another bird’s laugh,
another set of feet, on this waltz you’re on.
and when i say heart shattering,
i hope you hear it break, as the sounds of it
reverbs across this room’s vast loneliness.
oh, where are my van gohg like delusions now?
i’ll continue my search, since now i fully know that
you’re just gone. with the wind.
fly, my dear. and leave me, here.
to die amongst your waltz.
this is a very personal piece for me and it emanates the fabric of this very niche and specific, yet broadly experienced, sorrow within heartbreak and/or moving on.