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Jeremy Betts Nov 2023
I'm not the only me I see when I see me looking back at me
Bewildered by the impossibility of a blind visionary with the foresight to look past me to find me
I got caught staring so intently I lost sight of the true me completely
You see such savagery and think it must have been nurtured from infancy
While true, I had it in check, hidden away in the captivity of a long forgotten memory
But it still remembered me, waited patiently, predicting my return with a whimsical accuracy
It heard me frantically trying to find the glass to break in case of emergency
Not to set it free but to once again embrace what was scary, what might be the reality of the actual me
Instantly I handed over the key, didn't even keep a copy for me
Knowing exactly what I was doing and what it'd do to me mentally
It was always going to happen this way eventually
Finding solace in it's monotony, no more uncertainty
Both wake up and go to bed with the same angry energy
Done with the pleasantry and all the pageantry projected outwardly to seem more neighborly
Just so the world could be more comfortable with me when I pass through their snooty, gated community
While it pays no mind to what's being done to my psyche
This self destructive entity wasn't only the part of my reality I was told to bury
It is the entirety of my history, sad and happy, comedy and tragedy
I was it and it was me, the merger went so smoothly I believed it was absolutely meant to be, probably
Fighting myself got messy and wasn't necessarily a necessity
In the end there was no surprise who's hand was raised in victory
I already knew the part of me that held superiority but everyone else said it'd turn out differently
Like they got some kind of decoder key
Of course it didn't and they don't, thankfully I was welcomed back too once again become my own worst enemy
It ain't good company but I personally accept that personality and it's starting to warm up to me finally
It's been a strange journey, be thankful I didn't ask you to join me

©2023
Jellyfish Oct 2023
When I look at the poems from my past,
Sometimes I smile.
Then I feel mad.
The age I was, becomes so apparent to me.

The younger version of me feels some kind of, well, something.
Each time I take a trip down memory lane
It's hard to not feel something when I remember the pain.

But when I look at the situation today,
After all that I've encountered...
Each stone I've flipped over, and
every waterfall I've checked behind,

I feel so mad at you.

Even the poems we wrote back and forth,
They're so childish, you reference cartoons.
I would have done anything for you,
You plucked me out of my broken world and threw me onto the rift.

I fell asleep at night telling myself stories about an empty apartment with a mattress.
It's so uncomfortable now to look back at.
The fact that you were the hope I had for my future.

It's not okay and I'll never stop thinking this way.
Another poem tonight because I'm mad after looking back
EmmaJoiner Oct 2023
The thoughts
They come
They destroy
And then your done
Capture all your feelings
Crush all your believings
You try to take control
But they just can’t go away no more
Years of fear
Years of worries
Years of praying to the heavens
But they don’t leave
They are here with me
And not letting myself to be
Who I wanna be
They just come and explode
Make me wanna hit the road
Go far
All alone
Take a hike
Turn of my phone
But they won’t leave me alone
It’s there
Why the **** do I care!!
(I’m in control!)
No you’re not!
(This is my spot!)
No it ain’t !
And than I paint
All my thoughts
I’m going crazy
It’s too much
I’m going crazy
They are torture
Make my life more slower
They ******* take up time
They are ruthless, never rhyme
Make a hole
A deep dark hole
Where I can’t fall in no more
I climbed out years ago it’s pulling me back
And the fears in there, they wreck happiness
They choke me
They tear my mind apart they mock me!
(You ain’t strong!)
Yes I am!
(You can’t succeed!)
Yes I can
I can just run away from all this *******
But  it’s running after me, never seams to quit
It wants to be the king
It wants to be the ruler
And as the days go by
It gets crueler and crueler
(Worry *****! Be afraid that keeps you alive!)
No it ain’t that’s what makes me die!
(It is a part of you!)
No it’s not
You behave like you have a ******* spot
But you ain’t
You trying to take control
I won’t let you
It seams like a 1000 years ago since I met you
This toxic relationship has been to long
Now that’s it I have to be strong!
(No you’re weak!)
Let me speak!
( I have a louder voice you coward freak!)
No you ain’t !
I'm in control, you just wait!
This is a very personal one, to all the people out there who live with OCD, you are not alone and you are in control! Don't forget.
Falling Up Oct 2023
An angry woman


            Is a dangerous woman


Never underestimate the damage she can cause
Falling Up Aug 2023
Sitting here, waiting
Which is basically the equivalent
Of grating
My forehead
Against a cheese grater.
For seconds minutes hours.
Soon, there'll be nothing left,
I'll be an empty shell of myself.
My bored tired pieces scattered all across the floors
As I wait
and wait
and wait
For something that I really should've ignored.
Falling Up Aug 2023
It's my life
So I'll live it how I want
I'll make the rules
And you most definitely will not.

I'll read the stories the stars tell with you
And come up with a different ending
I'll walk on the same road with you
But my steps will be mind bending

So I may not see the same ending
And I may walk with different steps
But that doesn't mean
You should dismiss all I know
And make me see the letters your way
That doesn't mean
You should bring me to my knees
And force me to walk the same
Don’t let them bring you down to their level
Falling Up Aug 2023
The poison in your voice as you give me an answer
The feeling that you snicker behind my back
They way you try to be helpful
But your words just feel like a smack
The ground looks awfully nice right now
It's the only thing I can see
Anywhere but here right now
That's where I wish I could be
If they talk to you like you are dumb, go learn and come back even smarter than them
ky Jul 2023
When I run,
the thought of you
makes me run faster.

I think about how
angry you made me,
and I become stronger.

You're no longer my weakness.
You're my strength.
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