and when the storm is over
retreating back into the recesses of my mind
and though the rain and wind and fog are gone
the loud bursting of the flashing lights
some clouds still loom in the sky
and the sun doesn't shine like it used to
and I am tired and battered but 'I am fine'
and here, I have stood, for some time
where the wind is no more and no sound rings about
and though I thought so many times before
that anything was better than that storm
I sometimes long for when I knew myself best
in a rugged, torn state
where I felt with such passion
and thought with such vigor
yet here I still stand
in a limbo of the mind
with a cavern in my heart
the world's bullshit rising past my eyes
Don't lay dead
Else, you'll miss the stars
Be crazy and mad
Let your mind wonder to mars
Far, so far that you forget your sadness
Let the sun peep through your scars
From all the manic and loneliness
Just forget how everything was
For once, come out of that shell,
That shades you, with your past
Brim up from that loath well
Coz nothing in this world lasts...
I still have the USSR on the globe
in my room. Remember that time when it fell on you?
And you skirted away like
it was a bomb?
I hope it didn't scare you.
I didn't mean for it to drop on you.
I still have the blue nail polish
on my toenails. It doesn't have anything to do with you.
At least not objectively, you know?
You probably don't since
you are a dog.
And also because you are dead.
I keep it on because it was there when you were here.
And now you are gone.
Which is ok.
Because I still have the USSR on my globe.
I believe at the end of my life,
the credits will read tragedy,
that with the last blink of my eye your face will cross my mind,
and I'll go back to that day
in the dead of winter,
when I was warm,
because I had your arms,
but for that moment they were mine,
that night all you wanted was me..
and my last breath will be taken away at the realization
that all I've ever wanted was you...
So what's the point in all of this?
When you will never change
The days have past
The weather's changed
Should I be sorry? Could I be sorry?
I did it all, all for you
Hoping you would see
Your eyes are dull, your hands are clenched
Are we ready?
But you, you think about yourself
Only but yourself
But what about:
Un-lonely nights, romantic moments
The love, The love
What about them
Throw it all away.
When you see, the lamps being lit
Along the paths, on a moonless night
And the dusk decends, for the stars to shine
That's when my darkness will fade, with your light
I never condoned our love, neither did I forget
In the bliss time of this long lone journey
I've swept lanes of eyelids,
Remembering all the time we've spent
From where we started our journey together
Where we met for the very first time,
On the banks of that river, under the raintree
Which you used to climb
There, in the silence ,we met daily everyday
To drown in our eternal love, under the open sky
Where the stars would bloom bright all the way
Another night has just past, waiting,
In my ribbed casket, here I lay
Now all bones, left in this deep dense place
By your very own, while you went away
No one has ever come to track or trace
People say, I am good as dead anyway...
Floating in the sea of salty tears I find
Myself crying, myself wearing, through the endless journey of gone
Blood and bones made at every corner of this ship across this mischievous town
Why do I keep floating, when I can sink within the clotting of my pain?
We still travel as we kept to unravel things that were always empty
We're like ghost ships; leaving, disappearing without any trace nor marks
i'm sitting on windowsills like they did
and now i'm in the same trap
a small room of a universe/
purple fairy lights and the warm glow,
i'm ready to go home to the sky.
a soft death and bad habits to kick
from touching myself to recreate physical touch I don't receive to
crying over the friends in my head and
writing daisy petal eulogies on a deathless flowerbed.
sleeping on them like they're still living.
I'm alone and it's the same as death=
just let me die.
There is this feeling I get
when I'm laughing with friends
or Listening to certain songs
or even just experiencing life in general,
where my heart is about to burst,
and I feel as if someone shot me.
a bullet ripping right through my ribcage.
Is there a demon sitting on my chest?
because I can't breathe, and my entire body feels like I'm on fire and drowning at the same time.
I hope that one day, I'll be able to breathe when you cross my mind. But for now, my face will be blue
And so will my heart.