Happiness is thick air,
Full of anticipation;
A silvery autumn breeze
Skating across the textured sky;
Laughter bouncing between friends,
Escaping briefly to bring smiles to the faces of onlookers.
Nostalgia is when the moon is bright,
So the whole family steps outside to see it;
Driving at daybreak,
Hues of pink and gold and orange painting one’s vision;
Not quite catching fireflies,
But reaching for them anyway.
Anger is a rainy day,
When the sun still glimmers through the dark clouds;
An eyelash perched delicately on someone’s cheek,
Wiped away without a wish being made;
The pounding of music,
As it shakes bones and rattles hearts.
Sadness is a freezing winter night,
When not even breaths can be kept secret;
The dim glow of streetlamps at the glimmer of dawn,
Flickering before going out altogether until night falls again;
The last whisper of color in the air,
In the unrecognized moment that day warps into night and the world is almost still.
Emotions are yours to define.
Carried you around like an emblem,
Wore you on my sleeve,
the Bastard Child iron-on patch.
Damaged goods and everyone knew it.
Lump in my throat I never could swallow,
I named it Pride and found solace in it.
Named my Traitor Tears
Giving Up and Giving In
and mourned them as they fell.
Learned forgiveness is for the victim,
Almost never for the culprit.
Taught myself how to love
So sometimes it's a little selfish.
Pride jumps out of my throat
The day I admit that I want you.
I never needed to swallow it,
Only to let it go.
I came home the day
I came to you.
Your embrace felt like divine intervention,
and I'm a fucking atheist.
Twenty one years worth of resentment
evaporate into thin air. Never knew
I was capable of this kind of forgiveness.
So bold as to let you see my weakness,
and that I am made entirely of it.
Never felt more whole than I do
In your presence.
We pick up where we left off,
Though we never left off to begin with.
Found a friend and a father on the same day
in the same man, learned to love in a way
the Bastard Child could understand, and now
I need only to forgive myself.
You look at me
like you’ve seen God.
Your eyes are the greatest
depths of the ocean while
I’m afraid to wade up
to my waist on the shores.
It’s as if every care you
have in the world has been
replaced by your sudden
desire to touch my lips.
I know your heart is a storm,
but it thunders to know the sun again.
Im sitting in the car
Trying to think out another bar
Have I come to the end
What's become thus far
Still no juice pumpin
No ideas jumping
No thinkers dancing
Just standing & glancing
Just searching & searching
Lurking & yearning the higher thinkin
I get to rolling
Get this shit going
Help me ..
I can't breathe;
Gardner I hear you too
Because I can't fucking breathe
21 but lungs 50
These bills got a choke hold on me
So I let go with some weed
Here's some sugar for this tea
sally Mae is to greedy
Like college is to family
Like Family beating down on me
For this degree
Spent two years for a degree
In a logic I learned to disagree
I had to finally be in the tea
To see the bitterness in me
So here's to the sugar in my tea
Mary is to me
Like Mary is not to family
All because of a little weed
I admit it's what I fein & need
I feel the need
To not need what I feel
Then it hits me
it's too real
Life hates me
She's out to kill
My minds hazy
can't stand still
My soul is taken
Taken to hell
Cs when I get to thinking
I cant prevail
Words left unspoken
& so many more to tell
Dwelling in a heart that's been broken
but none of that matters when I'm smoking
So here's an ode to Mary
for lifting me off my feet
& emptying a heart so heavy
For all the happy highs given at my saddened lows
With a cheery smile & eyes a glow
I truly owe.. this ode to Mary
I am putting my life on hold.
Not to waste it away
But to become better
To become the best version of me
so I would finally feel like I deserve everyone who loves me
I am not pausing my life
I am pushing the restart button
I am making changes
I am taking out the virus and filling it with self-love
I am learning to love
I am sure you love when it rains,
when the drops fall off the sky,
when you watch them racing down
from clouds too heavy and high.
But do you see what those clouds do
when they pour down all the rain?
They let go what weighs them down
so they can swim in the sky again.
You too are like a cloud,
but you have been heavy for too long
because for you sorrow is weakness
and you just want to be strong.
So you hide all of your tears,
lock down all of the pain.
But if you want the clear skies,
Let your tears be like the rain.
Don't keep the weight you carry,
let it go in the tears you cry,
and once the rains are over,
You'll see a rainbow in the sky.
To anyone, left here once I'm gone
Hard to say, but I hope you know inner complacence
In this world, its too easy to live on
I hope that I have crossed your mind, every day since
And I've known, for quite a while now
Cynicism only serves the heedless
Hatred is for the lazy, I've found out
And needless, for lives no longer seamless
driving layers through my skin
Breaking up, breaking in
Forcing sunshine through my veins
Moving on, taking place
Taking stride, saving face
Never waiting for the chance to change
I wonder, do you think of me at all
Because you live in, deep inside my mind
And although, the past is dead
These bridges burn inside my head
I find, its the eyes that leave me enthralled
Silky smooth, and so untainted
Reminisce, then demonstrate
How my hope has been sedated
And no one else
A light that will never sate
A couple plans, we can never make
Gasping until I nearly fainted
Breathless from the way
I parted ways
Is it the same for everyone
How it is for me
Willing away uncertainty
Warding against every mundane change
You all saw so clearly that I bleed
Thought this could give me what I need
And I know, someone thought the same