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Accentuated my concealment
By concealing what I should of Accentuated
I covered up
What I should of been bold to reveal
But I couldn't...

Out of fear

Burying yourself so deep
Everyone can see
The human need to feel secure
Owen Mar 13
The end.

They'd call him paranoid, insecure, and controlling, but he was just drowning, suffocating, and afraid of the pain of losing everything, again and again and again, let down by those he cared for most. Lied to, played. Everytime he let someone in.
He'd always be the "bad guy" if it meant protecting his heart from that old abyss.
I guess people think they are entitled to being trusted. Go earn it.
Trust issues are not a reason not to love someone.
Trust issues are trauma leaking through the smiles.
Luvanna Dec 2021
Dear love,

I know it's too much to ask
But please bear with my constant insecurities
My constant what ifs
I will never feel 'enough'
But I'll try my best
I'd get competitive with your past
Forgive me
If I always feel I lose
To the ones you've loved before
For they are everything I'm not
Thank you
s y kalindara Nov 2021
My ego is a fragile little thing.
It seeks comparisons in every wunderkind,
the younger the faces, the more I binge
on I can'ts and all things discouraging,
and laser focusing on the degree
of victory that I can't reach
but watch me as I spiral effortlessly!

Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I know that these are really ugly emotions but I can't lie, whenever I see someone succeed at something I really want - I tend to get so depressed & insecure about my own abilities. Even though I know I've been through really tough circumstances & I haven't grown up with the privilege that some people are born with, I still tend to punish & hate myself for it. Cancer & mental illnesses have taken most of my adolescence away from me & now that I'm a young adult, I feel like I'm wasting away while also trying to catch up with everything I've missed. Every birthday seems like this dooming event instead of a celebration that I'm still alive. I don't know why it seems like if I didn't accomplish something now that I'm young, then I never will. I truly hate thinking like this & I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, I should view them as inspirations for what I want to achieve & I really should remember that dreams don't have an expiration date & it's okay if I needed to take more time & not rush things.

(p.s. follow me on instagram, if you'd like to @sykmusings ♡)
Jake Oct 2021
I’m sorry I wasn’t better for you.
I was selfish.
I wanted to feel loved,
And I thought of you as my possession.
Love and ownership are not the same.
You were not mine to control.
Being with you was a privilege,
And I took advantage of it.
I won't make that mistake again.
The next time someone gives me their love,
I won’t waste time questioning it.
I’ll accept that love.
And then finally,
I'll truly reciprocate.
fee Sep 2021
the breeze was too cold
and the sun was too warm
she was a wave of apologize
like a mistake in need of correction
forced to guess every gaze
like a guessing game
the sense is growing
like a weight she couldn't carry
unbearable to bear
too strong to avoid
she couldn't breathe
she did not dare
Owen Sep 2021
I'll never be him
I'm not sorry, I wont.
And I am the only one
whom I'll let make me feel
that I am not enough
And I am never
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