I find myself hiding under my bed sheets, every corner of my room haunts me. The alcohol on my breath worries my mother. The aroma of your cologne remains impregnated on the sweater I wore the last time I saw you . I hate you even though I miss you through my teeth and even though this feeling consumes me, I would not choose you again. I hate the way I left but what I hate even more is the fact that you were gone way before me. My favorite part after a long and exhausting day was to walk by that one street corner, that **** corner where you first told me you loved me, Now simply viewing it from afar hurts, burns. I expressed out the fear that loving you caused me, due the damage I had already lived through and even so you continued to do me the same damage I drown seeking answers for the endless doubts that you left me. I drown in wine because it somehow brings me back to our first kiss. Did you ever thought of me? Or did your narcissism get the better of you once again?
They'd call him paranoid, insecure, and controlling, but he was just drowning, suffocating, and afraid of the pain of losing everything, again and again and again, let down by those he cared for most. Lied to, played. Everytime he let someone in. He'd always be the "bad guy" if it meant protecting his heart from that old abyss. I guess people think they are entitled to being trusted. Go earn it.
Trust issues are not a reason not to love someone. Trust issues are trauma leaking through the smiles.