They'd call him paranoid, insecure, and controlling, but he was just drowning, suffocating, and afraid of the pain of losing everything, again and again and again, let down by those he cared for most. Lied to, played. Everytime he let someone in. He'd always be the "bad guy" if it meant protecting his heart from that old abyss. I guess people think they are entitled to being trusted. Go earn it.
Trust issues are not a reason not to love someone. Trust issues are trauma leaking through the smiles.
I know it's too much to ask But please bear with my constant insecurities My constant what ifs I will never feel 'enough' But I'll try my best I'd get competitive with your past Forgive me If I always feel I lose To the ones you've loved before For they are everything I'm not Thank you
My ego is a fragile little thing. It seeks comparisons in every wunderkind, the younger the faces, the more I binge on I can'ts and all things discouraging, and laser focusing on the degree of victory that I can't reach but watch me as I spiral effortlessly!
I know that these are really ugly emotions but I can't lie, whenever I see someone succeed at something I really want - I tend to get so depressed & insecure about my own abilities. Even though I know I've been through really tough circumstances & I haven't grown up with the privilege that some people are born with, I still tend to punish & hate myself for it. Cancer & mental illnesses have taken most of my adolescence away from me & now that I'm a young adult, I feel like I'm wasting away while also trying to catch up with everything I've missed. Every birthday seems like this dooming event instead of a celebration that I'm still alive. I don't know why it seems like if I didn't accomplish something now that I'm young, then I never will. I truly hate thinking like this & I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, I should view them as inspirations for what I want to achieve & I really should remember that dreams don't have an expiration date & it's okay if I needed to take more time & not rush things.
(p.s. follow me on instagram, if you'd like to @sykmusings ♡)
I’m sorry I wasn’t better for you. I was selfish. I wanted to feel loved, And I thought of you as my possession. Love and ownership are not the same. You were not mine to control. Being with you was a privilege, And I took advantage of it. I won't make that mistake again. The next time someone gives me their love, I won’t waste time questioning it. I’ll accept that love. And then finally, I'll truly reciprocate.
the breeze was too cold and the sun was too warm she was a wave of apologize like a mistake in need of correction forced to guess every gaze like a guessing game the sense is growing like a weight she couldn't carry unbearable to bear too strong to avoid she couldn't breathe she did not dare