calm my raging heart, O sea
and let me drown in your delicate embrace
let my eyes burn
not from the sting of salty air,
but from the tears that will join the choppy waves
as they carry me away
take me down into the depths
where blackness shrouds every crevice
and let me soak in the solitude
let the sheer volume of the silence
and let my pain melt away
as tiny bubbles escape my lips
calm my raging heart, O sea
and let it rage no more
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm crying!”
Jumping in the rocking chair
“Baby, sit down, stop your whining.”
Tearing a stranger’s underwear
“Mommy! Mommy! I feel sick!”
Sharp words spoken through vomit
“Sweetie, would you stop your joking?”
A freshly rolled joint made for smoking
“Mommy! Mommy! I can't breathe!”
Hysteria from the panic
“Dearest, just take some pills, please.”
On the drugs from the attic
“Mommy! Mommy! My chest hurts!”
Rapid pounding through the shirt
“Honey, shut up, drink your bottle.”
Alcohol straight from the nozzle
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm choking!”
Falling into a seizure
“Darling, would you quit your moaning?”
A midnight whore, all too eager
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm bleeding!”
The sound of terrified weeping
“Sweetheart, all you need is some sleep.”
Gone too high on amphetamines
“Mommy! Mommy! I'm dying!”
Skin starting to change color
“Baby, lay down, stop your whining.”
Forgetting to be a mother.
All in a line... everyone's foots steps moving at the same speed... at the same pace... with the same sound...
All their heads... hanging down... hanging low...their percent of depression increasing with every heart pound...
All forced... to surrender their bodies to the whip... the whip of Depressions guard...Pain...
Pain... even thinking of the name caused the slaves to tremble... a single cry...a single crack...only brought forth screaming rain...
They have learned to betray their senses... They have been trained to trade their emotions for emptiness...
Chains...heavier then the burdens they bare... suffocate the nerves in their neck, ankles. and wrist...
Continuously walking into a tunnel that seems to go on for all eternity... Their eyes no longer dilating for light...
No comfort...no warmth... not even the ground showed mercy...reveling and reminding them of memories... memories they try to fight
Their eyes growing blind by Depressions overcast...closing...some creating water falls...
Some of their wells are dry...For their deceitful friend Anger stole their heart of flesh... they can't hear Hopes call...
Anger... promising relief... if they only would give their hearts to him... sadly....some have listened and fell astray...
Some refuse...and with that....the wrath of Suffering is spilled over them...there is no such thing as day...
In the line... they continue on...their minds screaming for comfort... Their soul drowning in the shadows... Their veins frozen in time
They all will soon meet depression itself...what an earthly torment...to not know when...how...or why..
What will Depression do? Only what you fear... Do you dare look into the solid ...zero degrees below eyes of the beast?
Are you strong enough?... Or will you accept it's blade sharpened jaws?... Do you desire those black stained claws to throw you to the east?
Do you want the thrill filled feeling of blood dripping into your mouth? The scratches to prove you've been defeated?
Will you accept weakness to be your grave? Would you like Regret to be your funeral!? And allow Hell to be seated?
LOOK UP LOOK UP!!!
SCREAM AND CRY OUT FOR LOVE!!!
You have misplaced and lost your hope, do you truly believe it's lost and gone forever?
AGAIN I SAY LOOK UP!!! THE LIGHT NEVER LEFT YOU!!! NEVER!!!
Just because on your level it's gloomy and dark... and danger is your air
Doesn't mean the sky above you contains the same!!! Release your eyes!!! Don't be scared!
When Depression snaps it's jaws at you, and you can see your dead body in it's reflexion
Reach your hand to the sky!!! Dilate your eyes to the sun's rays again! This is your confession!!!
Grab the Sword of the Spirit!!! Yes, you are unworthy of it!!! But don't use that as an excuse to stop fighting!!!
In the spiritual battle you are not alone!!! For the one who took your place will some day arrive like silver lightning!!!
Use that sword to permanently silence the monsters lips! Skillfully slash open it's cheeks!!!
Hide your blade in your Belt of Truth! And reveal your Faith that will protect you! For you have created a blood creek!
Was awakening this Dark Death Grappling Beast worth it? Are you willing to continue to suffer??
Depression will slash at your Shield of Faith, and will try to cause it to shatter, sin's reminders will hover
Stand strong and firmly on the Gospel of Peace, for it's has a firm foundation... not the ground of sinking sand
Betrayal... Guilt...Shame... Worthlessness... Fear... Lies... Hurt.... will pour over and suffocate you if you stand on unstable land
Your eyelids lay heavy, doubt contains your soul... Depressions shuttering fears will dig it's claws into your neck
Close your eyes!! Don't you dare surrender your eyes to the two furry fire filled eyes. Use your helmet to WRECK!!!
Salvation covers your head, don't inhale the the sweet deceptive fumes of Depression's dark comfort!
Consume Righteousness into your breastplate. For with it you will protect and guard your heart. So it does not convert!
Convert to the foolish ways of this word. RUN!!! RUN I TELL YOU!!!
FLEE FROM DEPRESSIONS CONCENTRATION CAMP!YOU WILL GET THROUGH!
Use that spear to make that lock submit and obey!!! Your not an animal that should be caged!!!
Depression is not your master, nor are you it's slave!!! Allow this knowledge to make your mind rage!!
Rebel!!! For Hope has opened up her gates to you! And wisdom has offered her help!
Escape the guardians of Doubt!!! For they will try to make you stumble and fall, and make you yelp!
You will know when you are safe... when you stop hearing the names of the past in your weakened ears
You your ears will receive joyous sounds.. Your senses will finally find their place after all these years
Your eyes will feel that thirst for light and brightness, your lips will finally be given a reason to speak!!!
Your heart pieces will bond and be mended again!!! It shall be overfilled with love and it shall leak!!!
Your soul will try to hide from the suns soft glow, but redilate your eyes! For you are no longer blind!!!
Didn't you want to be made new? Didn't you want depression to be permanently ripped away from you body, heart, soul, and mind?
Freedom does indeed give off a strange touch...But do you dare to reject a free gift?
He can give you more then freedom, you can receive more then just the feeling of your life being in a new shift
Gain eternal life!!! Reach for a new goal in life!!! Run for the prize that will never fade...
So indeed I dare to ask...Do you dare to accept? For in any trouble... any problem... even Depression.. He will be your aid
Allow Depressions Torment Awaken You... Awaken You the the Hope that is right in front of you...
A heart broken into two is a heart that is chipped.
And that type of chip can’t always be fixed.
But a heart that is left as a whole and new, losses its strength.
One side might die the other half will always be with them.
That half can never die because they are so strong.
Once a broken heart always a broken heart.
A broken heart can be fixed but it will never be the same.
YOU HELPED ME
IT DIDN'T HELP
I TOLD SOMEONE HOW I FELT
I GOT HELP
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP ANYMORE.
SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF BEING MY SAVIOR NO LONGER.
NO ONE ALONE CAN BE BURDENED WITH THE TASK OF SAVING ME.
I YELLED AT YOU.
I HIT MYSELF IN THE FACE WITH A SPIRAL NOTEBOOK IN ANGER.
A SOCIAL FAUX-PAS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEACH ME THIS IS WRONG.
I ALREADY KNOW.
I AM IMPULSIVE, NOT IGNORANT.
I ONLY PRETEND TO BE
BECAUSE I THINK
I LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE FUNNY
I LIKED TEXTING YOU
UNTIL YOU SAID
I TEXTED AS MUCH AS A LADY LOVER SHOULD
HOW CAN I HELP YOU
HOW CAN I MAKE YOU BETTER
PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU
I KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING
I WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT
JUST DON'T TELL ME
"Go away" OR "Leave me alone"
Have you ever wondered what it's like to kill someone?
I imagined it being an exhilarating experience.
One I will never forget.
Of course, you have to make sure you do it properly.
You don't want to get caught, do you?
I remember her watery, crystal eyes.
Her violet wrists and ankles.
The way her hair stood up when I touched her.
The way she winced whenever my cool blade touched her.
Was she panicking?
I remember her gasps for air.
Her hoarse, croaky voice.
A velvet sea laid out in front of me.
Red, glittery hands.
It's getter harder to see.
I fall down.
I smear the blood on the wall.
As if it were a cry for help.
I wanted to do this so badly.
Why am I now regretting it?
Guilt swarms my body.
My head aches.
Have you ever wanted to kill somebody?
Because I have.
Today's the day I fucked a blade into my stomach.
A crimson waterfall.
My final words are yours to read.
On this bloody sheet of paper.
Today's the day I shivered with a blade to my wrist.
Hesitation, but the urge to die.
My final words are yours to read.
On this creme coloured wall in red writing.
Today's the day I
My leg is a canvas
As I've said before
A canvas to showcase my pain
To show the scars that exist in my mind
Brought to life and close to death
By my brush that is a blade
My pulsing red life
My blood becomes my ink
I write my story in these sharp strokes
My heart is my muse
The pain my motivation
And death is my only buyer
Forty days have passed and I still think about you every night
As I lay down in my bed
As I lay down with my thoughts
Forty days have passed and I don’t wear black everyday
But I feel that shade inside
Plain and simple
Dark and lonely
There’s nothing I can do to change it
You’re gone and that’s permanent
The finality is jarring
Forty days have passed but every night I close my eyes and see them throw dirt over you
My heart sinks and lowers down my rib cage echoing your coffin
I know that wasn’t you, you left us already by then
Yet why does my mind keep returning to that scene
Forty days have passed but Cyprus doesn’t feel quite like home anymore
Neither does London.
Forty days have passed and I keep finding my eyes stinging and breath escaping
I don’t know what to do, I don’t think any of the family know what to do now you’re gone
I suppose just carry on
Forty days have passed and my black clothes mean nothing to these people or my friends but you know and so do I
Every night I look at those constellations you pointed with one hand and the other holding your cigarette
When I see the stars shine
It’s your sign
Six months have passed and I know you’re here but I can’t bring myself to take off this black just yet
Everyone is out there following their dreams,
working hard on what they love and what they believe.
I am hidden deep beneath rubble and rock,
peering out to see what I'm missing out on.
It's always dark here and it's always grey.
But I see a light that shines from people and their ways.
I wish I could be like them.
I have ideas and passion in the cracks of my weak bones.
I have optimism and love laying dormant in my throat.
But I'm too tightly trapped under what holds me down,
to escape and be like the others.
I've written masterpieces on the walls of this cave,
I've shouted so loud that some walls have worn away.
But as one is knocked down, another appears.
I've tried to make music so plants can grown,
so they can oxygenate me inside this tiny hole.
But they wilt, like everything, like me.
Always grown, always wilted.
Like me, like my loved ones, like my passion.