Building up thoughts, aching memories.
Overthinking, overanalyzing, creating thoughts that aren't real...
Or is it? Was it real? Are these feelings ******* like every mistake from the past?
Am I making the same mistake I always do?
All these questions? All these scenarios.
I'm setting myself up for disappointment again.
I write about my aching love, yet, I delete what I write like it never existed.
Merely because, my feelings don't seem to exist.
I can't say it was different with you...
You a man, and men all seem to have the same effect on me, toxic pain.
But to be honest, to pour out what I feel inside...
Something I never do in person, at least mental words exist.
Being in your arms felt like something I never felt before.
Your touch on me felt soft and delicate, like something deep inside of me was craving.
I'm not going to say you might be the one, and I'm not going to expect you to stay.
Truth of the matter, they all leave.
You however, felt different.
Like the escape and desire I was waiting for.
I am going way above my head, maybe thinking you not like the others.
But actions may end up shocking me.
Built up trust issues, I feel like you never want to see me again.
I feel like you're lying to me.
Anxious and overanalyzing...
Is it intuition, Or fear?
Fear of being vulnerable and never wanting to let anyone in.
But what I crave deep inside, is what I felt with you, and that is something I have never felt with any other man before.
It wasn't ******, Or ******.
It was sweet, and sensual, like being in your arms was something like a dream...
I didn't want to let go...
A feeling that I have been wanting for a very long time.
Something no one else could give me, or ever gave me.
It felt like I was drifting off completely.
Song lyrics starting playing in my mind.
My heart was beating in a way that made me feel warm.
But I have to accept that maybe it was all just an illusion.
That having any feelings at all for you is just a waste.
You gonna slip away.
Your eyes, oceanic blue and soft as the water.
But such a studios gaze lurking upon them.
I notice your ****** expressions...
Your eyes flicker like light bulbs.
Wandering everywhere, but so focused at the same time.
Here I go again, making another ****** mistake.
Toxic trauma waiting to happen.
Need I not say anything...