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its hard to smile when really all you want to do is cry.
Sunday never came for me.
Straight from Saturday to Monday.
No church for me, no,
I'm forsaken by God.

The devil's on my shoulder
the days are growing colder.
the nights are getting longer
Yet Sunday never comes.

I pray for a different life
I hate living in constant strife
I don't want the life that has been chosen
But Sunday never comes.

I'm not a believer
I've never been one.
So maybe that's why,
Sunday will never come.
Robby 5h
I could still smell your perfume hours after you left
It felt like reading someone else’s mail
Some lovesick ***** prose meant for him
Maybe someday you’ll feel like writing me again
Philomena 10h
Wrapped tight in a grey blanket
Staring for what feels like hours
Dead inside
And the soft fabric slowly sleeps as minutes pass
Until it sits around my waist
I stand up to readjust
The only movement in hours
The blanket falls from the chair
A puddle of sadness on the floor
I scoop it up and let it hug around me one more
Returning to my staring it does it once more
My grey puddle of sadness on the floor
I am content with the rain
I am content with the falling leaves
I am not content with the
Empty space
I am not content with my
Empty hands
When my heart is full of you
asha 15h
today, i was not invited to dinner upstairs.
they talk & laugh in a language i only know in fragments.
which is fitting because that is all i feel.
fragmented.
it makes me feel lonely to not be invited.
it reminds me of how alone i truly am,
how little anyone really cares for me.
& maybe if that were not the case elsewhere,
maybe i would be okay.
maybe if i had friends who knew how to say more than
"oh that *****, sorry to hear that",
maybe if i had a mother who didn't have cancer so i didn't feel
the need to stay silent to protect her,
maybe if i had a father who knew how to stop lecturing me
long enough to listen to my pain,
maybe if i had a boyfriend who understood my mental illness
enough to know how to be gentle with his words,
maybe if i wasn't sick...
maybe if i knew how to open up & trust someone,
maybe if i knew how to be a normal human being
long enough for someone to care,
maybe i'd be okay...
because i know if i were invited,
i would have said "no, thank you"
& went back into hiding in my room, away from the world,
always complaining about my lonliness
but refusing to try
because everytime i try,
i just feel more lonely.
everytime i try, i lose all my energy,
& with this depression hanging above my head,
i have no energy before i can even begin.
i don't know how to be alive.
& if i'm honest...
i don't want to be.
Jules 19h
I will admit, this is really hard. I know your just being you but part of me still feels that you still feel something. Even if that something is small. I think it still lingers in your mind. I can hear it in your voice. You definitely care. Even if this feeling may be a different type of love, you must agree that we have an unusual bond. A connection that not most have. I know your devoted to another. She actually seems really fun and inspiring. I know that's something you really need. She's really cute too. I genuinely hope she makes you happy. Even though this hurts, I still want you to finally be happy and feel okay in your own skin. I saw her story on your birthday and the photos and videos of you together, looks like she really does make you happy. And part of that makes me happy too, even with the other half hurting to witness. I'm sorry if me occasionally checking in on you and her seems a bit off. I can't help but be a little protective. I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't ever want to see you in pain. That would be worse. That would be something I couldn't immediately take away. No matter what happens between us, I hope your life is filled with much joy. After all, you deserve that much.
Robby 21h
You fell asleep with your hand on my abdomen
And somewhere while you writhed and contorted with sleep it felt like you reached inside me
I hope you found what you looked for because I hope it’s still there too
I am an aroma trapped in the haze,
So sweet and friendly like the taste of decay.
I know that I am sciatica and sage,
Reminiscent of an older age.
I feel like a cherry tree falling apart,
Season after season, a forest of art,
And candles burn in the bottoms of hearts,
Chocolate and smoke on the steps in the dark.
I can taste the fire on your mouth
And all the birds are flying south
But I can't bring myself to look at you. Not now,
Or maybe ever,
Because through this earth we've come together
And how do I know that two birds of feather
Can fly over mountains and valleys and heather
Without falling apart? Words over eyes,
I am blinded by the sun in the sky.
I was fog and shadow 'til you parted the vines
But what if this feeling that I had tonight
Is just your voice ringing in my ears,
Tinnitus, words that carry my fears.
The taste of your name is wild and fierce
Like the rowan or rose or stacks on the piers.
I am tripping and falling over all that is clear
In the water. So cold.
So cold, I have nowhere to go.
I am drowning in a world of all that I know.
I no longer have a place of my own,
I remember the scent of your laughter and prose
And I am all alone.
I am devastation, like sorrow and lies,
And I will crumble and wither until the reprise
Yet, despite your mouth being so close to mine,
I don't know what the touch of your hand implies.
Downsized.
I am lesser than you.
The shadows are warping, the valleys are blue.
My tongue is caught on the taste of the yew,
The water is rising like prayers on the pews.
Collapsed and free, I'm tumbling through
The oceans, the ashes, a lark full of rue.
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