Brooklynn 22m
the familiar feeling burns my throat,
and no matter how hard I
I cannot swallow the sensation

It is stuck there and it
seems like I am choking,

I am spiraling downwards into
the darkness.
It envelopes me,
silently laughing at me.

The blackness is
all I know,
and I welcome it with
open arms.
It numbs me.

And I am stuck here
because I cannot explain,
cannot put into words ,
how the inky tendrils that
coil around my mind,
blossom into something
far more dangerous in the
pit of my soul.
Gunta 3h
When you feel your legs numb at the edge
It feels like you’re going to fall any moment now
You can’t just believe yourself that you’ll stay there
But it’s the same as life
If we continue we stay, if we let ourselves we fall
It’s just our feelings making us believe that we must fall
But actually there’s still a chance to take a step back from the edge
You will start to see your feelings becoming weaker
You can open up your mind more
And finally you can see the true meaning of falling
None of my friends
     Wanna talk to me,
So I'm just leaning
     On this balcony,
And I'm sheilding my eyes
     From the bright city,
None of my friends
     Ever talk to me,

Man, that sidewalk,
Lined in chalk,
Another dead body-
Cause they couldn't talk,
And another crying family,
And their world, rocked,
Another empty bed-
And a door, locked,
Their son, mocked,
His clock, stopped,

None of your friends
     Wanna talk to you,
So you're just looking
     Out this window, too,
And you're counting your tears
     While you're feeling blue,
None of your friends
     Wanna talk to you.
This is for each time
They told me I was only good with words.
Maybe I did spent too much time discovering words
That I no longer know how to put into good use.

This is for each time
My skin yearned for yours
Your memory etched into the prints of my fingers
It was the first time I thought being alive wasn’t bad after all
But I left before you realize I wasn’t worth falling for.

This is for each time
Your words converted me into a ghost
Floating while screaming, “What is this emptiness?”
Each spoon of salt poured unto my wounds
Became the only confirmation that I was still human.

This is for each time
My best wasn’t bubbling to the brim,
Not enough to let it flow out of my mouth gracefully, effortlessly
This is for each moment
I choked, pushed, and pulled it out of me
Until I was left with a sour tongue & shaky fingers
But at least I can be of service with whatever spills out.
Losing you felt like losing
                                   all my limbs.

It was all Greek to me
I did not know how to use my legs -
continue walking this entire life,
with the knowledge that you
will never again—
not ever, ever—
tell me that you will pick me up
                                    when I fall.

You are the anchor;
That holds me in place.
You are also the anchor
That pulls me down.
you never liked that one word could take me from light to dark,
a flick of a switch.
you never liked my constant questions,
my curiosity made your eyes twitch and your fingers reach for mine in hopes that i would be silent.
you never liked how i loved you,
my heart was too full of you, too much for you.
my emotions were always over the top,
you never liked that either.

i learned to mute these key parts of myself,
to only bring out the pieces you loved.
i became adjusted to feeling unwanted,
but a glimmer of hope remained in my mind that
maybe, one day, you would want all of me.
hell, at least i could try to be wanted by you.
i could try and be enough for you.
if i just put one foot in front of another, you would eventually want me, all of my flaws included.
if i could just keep going and going.

if i could just keep working to make you want me.

i wasn't myself with you- that i know for sure.
but i would've spent every moment being someone i'm not,
if it meant i could stay with you for even one more second.

i'm beginning to realize that we were flawed from the start.
Last nigtht I slept with my loneliness
It was better than sleeping all alone
It was better than nothing at all

She didn't leave in the morning
She made a great company
We shared the whole night
              with all her stories

We talk for hours until dawn's coming

Perhaps today I decide to invite her again
to have a coffee with her, go for a walk
Maybe I'm starting to fall in love of her
I can barely know what's on my head
so I can't tell what's on my heart

Maybe I'm start loving my own loneliness
and I find that kinda pretty sad
Kevin 20h
i wake up at 5 am every day, on the dot. i don’t use the alarm clock you gave me anymore, though. the heavy feeling in my chest is just enough to pull me from my dreams. it always takes a while before i finally start to move. strange, isn’t it… it’s almost like i don’t want to get out of bed.

after dragging myself across the hall and into the bathroom, i start my daily staring contest with my own reflection in the little mirror above the sink. i wonder if it knows how empty the real me is feeling. i always have long repetitive conversations with my shower head about you. it tells me to move on. i tell it to go fuck itself. we’ve become very good friends.

it’s almost 6:30 am at this point. after getting dressed, i start a quiet discussion with myself about what kind of alcohol would serve as the best substitute for your lips that day. the answer is rum. it’s always rum. i’m actually allergic and get really bad stomach aches. but hey, i might as well feel something, right?

i watch the sunrise from my living room couch and wonder if you’re doing the same. a half-eaten sandwich in one hand and my heart in the other. i can never bring myself to put it back between my ribs, because i’m afraid i might start to move on.

as i leave the house, i hear my bed calling my name. i do my best to ignore it and lock the door behind me. still, i can’t stop myself from wishing this voice belonged to you. i take a moment to listen to the sound of the wind rushing through the leaves, as if to convince myself that there is more to life than this pain. i know though, that when i come back home tonight, it will still hurt just the same.
After all this time you have to know
You have to know how much you mean to me
You have to know that my heart still skips a beat
When you say that I'm your favorite
You have to know that I'm telling the truth
When I say that I would move heaven and earth for you
My world is dull and faded without you
Colors bleached like a painting left too long in the sun
Everything that held life and happiness is drained
Replaced by weak, pallid substitutes

All this really is...
Well, it's just an attempt to explain
That you are my home, my heart, my love
And that without you my life has no meaning
The future that we planned dashed upon the rocks
And scattered to the winds

I am begging you with everything that I have left
Please do not leave me here alone and dying
My heart ripped out, my life trickling away
My hope gone

I just need you, and only you
And you once said you felt the same
So if you can
Find that again
For me.
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