I became a placeholder for you,
A model that conformed to your every demands in hope a pretty painting would be created.
A lovely landscape was made, long fields and tall flowers.
But the women with her gorgeous smile was not me.
You replace my image with hers right in front of me.
She was dressed in a white dress, while I was now wearing brown.
For after I see what a beautiful painting you used me for,
I feel *****.

So I guess this is it huh?
After all the love bombing and fake feelings you’re finally ready to move on
You’re ready to remember what it felt like when I didn’t exist.
You’re excited to feel warmth in a new place.
Because everything turned cold here.
You made it this way though.
You turned off your feelings.
Maybe you didn’t even have any.
Maybe I built a false persona of you in my head that was genuinely interested in me.
I must be crazy to think all that time I spent investing in you, you were only pretending to like what I was saying.
Like what I was giving to you.
I didn’t ask you for anything.
I barely reached for a hand.
But yet again I’ll switch my feelings back to nothing and pretend like you never even stopped by.
Cause it’s that easy right?
I’m not that interesting to remember.
I’m not that hard to forget.
You must have found someone better.
So I’ll pretend we ever met.

I used to trace the acne scars down your back
Like a blind man reading a poem in braille

Something’s amiss as he searches for solace in the dark abyss
Lack of emotion sets in motion the wheels of this notion
Trying to shroud the deafeningly loud cries from his mouth
Thumping heart beats, cower neath the sheets, on and on it repeats
Trying to avoid the endless void and not be destroyed

Until it ends, as quickly as it began, like a brief case of sadness.

Left in the ashes
Of a burnt down past
How long will this feeling last?

I feel trapped inside my own mind
There’s nowhere to hide
It’s making me slowly go blind
Losing sight of what matters
My world shatters

Right from beneath my feet
Slips away
Everything I love
Thrown anyway
Into the hole I dug.

Why does the
night seem so
melancholic,

And lonely
as if she's
weeping or
is that me?

All rights and
Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-5-23

Nervous lips
dying eyes,

Full happy
skies drinking
up your plight
tears.

Bleakness in
these sleepy
nights,

Such loneliness
and sadness in
their quietness.

Bring back
that passion
sleeping in
the clouds,

Dancing with
Plight and  
melancholy
pain...

Trying to
make those
gray lullabies
smile again.

All rights and
Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-5-23