I guess it is a comfort
where I'm supposed to be
I always wanted a forever
and the pain it follows me
If I can't have it one way
I can always have another
And I can share with others
And be sure to pull them under

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I just entertained a fantasy
and set that thing on repeat
My eyes started to water
at all the things you said to me
I fed you all your lines
and gave you cues and clues
only for it all to leave me lost and so confused
I rip out all the pages
from that day and back
so I don't have to focus
on everything I lacked

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?
Rach 7h
A shard of ice, a burning flame
I'm dying to forget your name.
Nathan A 10h
Fragility of the glass heart that shatters into pieces, to be mended one day, by the owner itself. Then trusted with in the hands of another.
to be with melon
live next to a melon
o a cantaloupe
my soul eats
now this melon

melon melon melon
a melon in front of her nose
and behind a melon
and on the right side
and with a left melon

melon melon melon
she is like love
as sadness as happiness
but there is no difference and never
melon melon melon melon melon

16.08.18
nim 17h
Your dazzling light
Was all I saw,
All I remember.

The image is burning
In my mind everyday,
Stamped by your words
In my canvas of misery.

And so, at last,
Hell's flame you left in me
Will never leave my head
The way you left me.
Some creative expression, playing with images
I find it oddly reassuring,
to consume art that consists of sorrow.
The ability to create from a place of
deep distress,
to put words to feelings that go unnoticed.

There is comfort in knowing that
you are not alone in this,
that there are some who feel
the plight in your bones.
To not shy away from the hurt
that you feel,
To look inside yourself and
find that you are
not always happy to be here.

There is comfort in acknowledging
that you have been broken,
in understanding all the ways in
which you have been seared into.

Once you have felt comfort in
your darkest depths,
Once you have face what has
pained your soul,
This is when you can finally
begin to heal.
Rich 1d
Am I in the right headspace?
Do I travel the galaxies conjured by my thoughts just to end up in black holes?
I’m seeking epiphanies
You know, those elusive supernovas that defy even the eyes of gods
I claim to be rich in spirit, yes
Trying to measure my wealth with the hours I spend in the stratosphere
above every worry that injects my bones with the weight of 2 Earths-
the weight of a place that doesn’t want to ever wait
Yet it must
You can’t break a chrysalis and expect patterns on the wings
You’ll get misshapen kaleidoscopes
and fragmented isotopes
beings who’ve never climbed but will die trying to ascend ropes
Am I in the right headspace?
Is my consciousness a constellation waiting to take form?
What will be the shape?
I’ll never be strong enough to resemble the buckle on Orion’s belt
I’ll never be the mouth at the big dipper,
drunk on the secrets of the cosmos
I’d want to be the hands gripping Polaris
sharing light for the planets who only see a moon rise
Am I in the right headspace?
Because I’ve fallen into nebulas,
realms where humans stand on the heads of giants yet look no higher
I’ve seen flawed ideologies that challenge monuments with their size
I wonder what it’d take for us to realize that we could be immortals
free from the finite mentalities that stunt our growth from the very roots.
I read in a poem that there is no sound more sexual than the clink of a belt being undone but you only wear worn out t-shirts and a frown on your face. I think of the sound of tires driving slowly over the asphalt and how I could get turned on easier by a look than a touch.  Your bed and you both taste like sweat but I am not going to complain because I'd rather be overheating than alone. I consider switching on your swamp cooler but it's loud and I want to be able to hear your moans in order to remind myself that you want me too. Do you?

2. I was doing my poetry homework when I had to stop in order to write poetry.

3. I dont know if I can handle the fact that you have made playlists for other people and that is so 2018 of me. Did you make that playlist for her?

4. I'm not sure why the city feels different when you're not in it but it probably has something to do with the rope I've tied to your ankle that is tugging at my heart so hard I'm about to fall over. Its like I'm cutting the rope with a very dull knife. Piece by piece it's disappearing, string by string it's breaking off, I'm watching as it shreds, I promise it is, it's just taking time and effort. I'm sorry I did that to you, I didn't mean to. I'm sawing as hard as I can.

5. If panic attacks actually helped anything I wouldn't mind the hyperventilating but instead I still feel like a sink has sunk inside my chest even after I've calmed down. Wouldn't it be nice if you could cry it, release it, scream to the skies and then be okay afterwards? I'm not sure who made me believe the symptoms of my mental illness should be like a shower; I don't feel cleansed. I don't feel new. I only feel raw, exhausted. It feels more like that same dull knife is tearing me open each skin layer at a time until I figure out how to grab the hand that holds it or I'm left open on the table, whichever comes first.

6. I'm writing in order to breathe. If I can't get oxygen to my brain my fingers won't be able to move. I know this isn't normal. I know that's why I need this. I know I have to stop needing you.

7. I'm so scared I'm going to lose you. I don't want you in any other way. I want to love you, hold you.

8. I hear a baby crying outside of your window and I realize I need to get up to go home and get my work clothes. I find these simple things excruciating. Writing to you is a diary. I never should have learned to open my mouth and speak.

9. I started this poem four months ago and titled it a seven day long poem but I guess now it’s more than that. The first 8 were from then and now 9 is from now. You always made me feel the things I’m currently feeling. I wish I didn’t love you like I do. I'm so scared I'm going to lose you. I don't want you in any other way. I want to love you, hold you.
Here we are again.
Light 1d
DEAR DEPRESSION,

Thank you for always being by my side
No matter what I do, you´re always on my mind
A friend like you is really hard to find
I guess you´re just one of a kind

Whenever I´m feeling low
You just turn up and show
Me thinks I don´t want to know
But why though?... I thought you were my friend and not my foe...

Whenever I´m feeling good
You say "Stop that, instead you should
start thinking about the things that could
go wrong"...with things like this you ruined my whole childhood...

So stop taking all my energy...
Stop putting your hands on me!
There used to be light now darkness is all I see...
Since I met you nothing´s like it used to be.

I just want to lock myself behind my door
Because nothing can satisfy me anymore
Sports,Friends, and Food all Things I once adored
lost their meaining, leaving me feeling bored...

But wait... there is more than that
like I´m really really mad
at you for all the tears I shed
making me feel so sad, wasting days and days in bed

Thanks to you everything tastes the same...
Pizza,Burgers,Rice and Noodels - everything tastes the same...
You know how bad that is? It´s driving me insane
Thanks to you I have to cover up my sleeves in shame

A new Scar on my body and that everyday
Eventhough I say so; I'm not okay
So lost I can´t see a reason to stay
Please DEPRESSION why won´t you go away...?

When you say I´ve lost my hope you definitly not wrong...
But look I´m still alive... And one day I´ll be strong
enough to beat you... And it doesn´t matter how long
it takes, I have to keep on... My time has to come!


sincerely,
your best friend...
My. Thoughts...
K 1d
These tears mean nothing to you,
Good.
Don't cry when I die.
When I make this desperate mistake,
I hope I continue to mean nothing to you.
Even when I'm finally dead,
Don't cry.
Don't make up lies saying you were always by my side.
Don't say sweet shit about me when you wouldn't even look me in the eyes.
Or have a conversation with me.
I meant nothing to you.
When I cried to you,
You didn't listen
When I tried to tell you,
You tossed me to the side.
So fuck you.
Don't cry.
Don't cry when I finally do it.
I'm at the point where I'm so tired of life and everyone in it, am I the only one?
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