Dancing with Mary Jane near the living room window,
My head becomes cloudy,
Full of butterflies or nerves or a storm of sorts.
I flirt with her before I am engulfed in the happiest of sadness.
You would never understand.
I hear young voices full of life and uncertainty,
I myself, am certain.
But it’s not what I hear.
I hear somebody lost.
But not afraid of how lost they are.
I am terrified,
Shaking in my skin,
Of what I no longer know.
But I am certain of that.
Isn’t that something?
But I’m happy.
I swear to god I’m happy.
I haven’t been this kind of empty before.
My thoughts are speeding through my mind,
Passing through and never comes back.

I can’t escape the feeling of addiction,
I want more and more to get away from it all.
Reality is my worst nightmare.

Everytime I wake up
I wanna go back to sleep,
Begging to never wake up again.

I’m stuck,
I got nowhere to go.

I want to stay.
I want to disappear.

I want the good things,
The things that keep my mind occupied from the bad thoughts.

I’m in the middle of chaos,
Between body and mind.
lilhadi 3h
Me, you, at an aquarium, holding hands & looking at sea turtles
lilhadi 3h
"I want to love you, really I do.
The connection we have is extraordinary, and we both prefer tea over coffee.
But I’ve felt the heartbreak. I’ve been witness to the shattering of friendships, loss of friends, loneliness of the aftermath. And I can’t go through it again.
So call me self-destructive. But I’m not the type to risk it all when I just taped my soul back together."

j. e. b --  ((About Being Afraid to Love))
Katy 3h


i'm drunk and your art was never interesting
Katy 3h
goodbye! goodbye
don't try to remember me
even on the lavender nights
or when the beer runs out
don't remember me, please
i shiver when you do
your vile thoughts prick
my brain, the happy hum
that replaced your name
please! don't remember me
should you see the swing
of my hips, even should
your garden resemble the
shades of me,
do us both a favor!
don't remember me
I didn't know that loving you could be so painful.
Every word that came out of your lips was like a poison that I drank religiously.
Your kind words,
your mean words,
they hurt no matter the context;
no matter the way they are spoken:
beautifully like the sound of your laugh and the scent of your hair after shower
or dirty like the things you have done to me under the full moon.
But I will always love the pain.
Blake 9h
I need you to know that if i could give you any gift this year...

It wouldn’t be another dressing gown
Or a best dad mug.
No football season ticket,
Or the same brown slippers.
It wouldn’t be a crate of beers,
Or a Bruce Springsteen book.
It wouldn’t be a thousand Yorkshire tea bags,
Or a new set of hair.
Even though...you desperately need one.
And I promise not another Africa lynx box set.

My Dad
I would reverse my birth for you.
And like a jumbo pack
It would reverse my harsh words,
It would reverse the financial problems,
It would reverse mum’s escape.
It would reverse your time wasted on me,
It would reverse my cage,
It would reverse your hobbies that disappeared,
All the red lines that appear in your not so white eyes.
And your unsettling stressed mentality of dealing with work and me.

Dad I would reverse it all for you.

You always deserved everything that this world could give and my birth was just a sin against your own freedom.
Instead of you daydreaming back on the old days, you should have been daydreaming of the new days to come.

So for next year on this same day,
You’ll be finally living the California Harley Davidson dream with the love of your life...mum.


Happy non Father’s Day.
If only i had the courage to show you this ❤️
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