you were
a drug that only worked when i didn’t need you
a run down
crimson chevrolet
driving so swiftly down
the beachside boulevard
nothing but endless ocean to the left
and a booming city at rest
to the right
i needed you
i wanted to come home
to lie next to you
dreaming of a life full of
daises
and strawberries on silver platters
in the summer
blue skies
forever

star light, star bright
the first star i seen that night

never worked

There's no such thing as happy ending never ending
Well maybe..?
Depending on the circumstance,
if given the chance while resenting,
The thought of these..
Non relenting forces being brought on by the voices that are
Mimicking
A portion of me.. on stage
Yeah,
I am portrayed in a certain way
Because they all say.,
That I am hopeless, really hopeless,
Heart broken
But the truth is.. always swelling up
Much like Love
Wich was never really.. spoken of
Because I'm always,
Going on pretending
Yes,
I guess I'm always keeping
Secrets
And that's each and everyday
Much like..
The noted treachery of Eve
Which never felt so meant
to be
But right now.?
I'm really missing.. the feel of her
Warm summer breeze
Yeah,
I guess I'm feeling.. Sickly
Guess I'm being heckled by the freeze, that only a cold winter brings,
As my heart screams
Heyyy
Come and.. get me
Which is now typically and emotionally
being played by me,
Just like a stream of bad dreams
on screen
Or like vague memory seeds, going out with the last gleam
Which are likely..
Never ever to be
Redeemed
On time.. It seems
Because this happiness to be
Is all a mystery to me
Now pending
As never.. Ending
But as for now.?
It's being totally decreed and
foreseen
by me..
Now totally
as Ancient
History

She danced around like a butterfly,
sung her songs like the early bird.
She flapped her wings to the beat of the wind,
all to drown out the rushing in her head.

She talked at the speed of light
and when she thought, you could hear the gears.
She made her own music, she lived her own life,
all to ignore the pain of the past.

She walked the edge of razor blade,
but she acted like nothing was wrong.
She inched across, her blood dripping down,
all with no end in sight.

There is no dishonesty
greater than mine, o lord
there is no lie
further than mine, o lord

I shall give you one thing, to repent
no I can not give you my head,
nor my heart, nor my hands,

I could give no god such things.
Unholy and corrupt those gifts would be.
They all contain my sin.

Instead I present the creases amongst my brow.
Taken as a my last untainted element,
Free from the treachery of my crime.

Uncertainty

Though you don’t think it much
It may be all I have left
to prove that I had grace

They never betrayed me as they won’t you.
They will not displeasure, o lord.
For they are honest things.

They speak of pain and joy
They whisper my deepest heartaches
They coo my greatest fears

If you would be so kind, o lord.
Take this gift with open arms
the rest you can discard.

Toss me in the ocean, for I am but a sinner.
A broken thing, too broken to beg
I am not fit for Heaven, o lord.

But you can take my brow.
They are pure and true.

I keep telling people
I’ve moved on.

but every time
I close my eyes,
I still see you.

there are visions of you
still trapped in the
back of my eyelids.

you’re gone.
you’re not coming back.
you’re not here.
I know that.
so why haven’t you left me?

I keep telling people
I’ve moved on.
and I’m not lying
when I say that.

I’m telling the truth.
I have moved on.

...but maybe my mind hasn’t.

Sometimes
when I look at old pictures of you,
I cant remember you.
I cant remember
what used to look like
or what your face would look like now if it was looking back at me.
Because when I see you,
I see the sadness.
The sadness that I feel
without your presence
and the sadnes
that took you away from me.
I see the life you lived
that many times I couldn't be a part of.
I see the silence
that housed your suffering,
but also the joy that you gave
to every person that has passed through you.
I see the empty chair on my wedding day
and the vacant arms around my children.
I see myself reaching for you
and crying your name when I'm alone and forgotten.
So when I look at you,
I dont see your face.
I dont see your gray hairs
or brown eyes or fake smile.
I see your past,
and my future
and everything in between 
and I miss it.
I miss you.

I wanna disappear as if I were
snowfall touching skin
gracefully falling
pushed by the winds

I wanna love as if I were
snowfall with such gentle beauty
I would be cherished
but no one would know me

I wonder if they are tears
from a woman grieving
quietly up top the clouds
I pity her, I do, but I care not for her feelings