Julie C Smith Aug 11

It's like every negativity against me is turned into the want of being even more understanding and loving towards You, to be good for You

Maybe I wasn't good enough...
Inspired by a song.

Take refuge in the Darkness, my dear child
Because you're never gonna'
Shine in the Light.
The Light is a place
Of comparison with others,
And you're always gonna'
Fail the test.
In comparison where you were,
You're infinitely safer and healthier,
But no one can perceive
The dungeon,
Which was once your residence.
They continue to  compare you to their Ideal
Of the way they think
People ought to be.

In my mind there is a voice that likes to play a game
It's quite like me but not quite the same

Every day we play tug of war
I don't know how long we've been playing it for

When it's winning I feel completely wrong
Like a singer without a song

It starts to provide explanations
And I start to feel degredation

It seems to know why I'm hopeless
And why I'll always be mired in loneliness

And just like that, the voice becomes my voice
My reality and my only choice

However, sometimes I start to feel strong
I pull, I start winning and am no longer wrong

My love is no longer just superfluous
My flaws no longer mean I'm worthless

They never are of course
It's just that these thoughts are injected daily by force

Not by a negligient mother
Or a bully who just wants someone to bother

But by a voice that just wants to play the same game
A voice with only one aim, to take over my name

And so we continue playing tug of war
I don't know how long we've been playing it for

I just wish this room had a door...

Grimmest Aug 8

"A negative mind is its own self-fulfilling prophecy."

I just get worried when she doesn't message me back
Can't you guys cut me some slack
I only message her sister because she's there with her
It makes sense to do that so something doesn't occur
Something that I can't control because I'm over here
There is something that I fear
That I can't physically be there for Hannah whom I hold so dear
Why do you two feel the need to give me attitude when I am in need?
Don't piss me off or I may just smoke you like some rolled up weed.
I considered you two my closest friends on GTA
But now you've pissed me off oh so royally,  okay.
So you guys better apologize soon or feel my fury
I'll be here waiting gamertag/ real name: DaddyKiller and Holly.

So apparently Holly is annoyed with me because everytime Hannah doesn't respond to me I message Holly asking what's wrong with her and that annoys Holly according to her boyfriend DaddyKiller and he was getting annoyed too. Here's his exact words when I said I don't know what I did it said to make Holly pissed at me: Cuz you askin about ur gf u can't find out urself
Cuz u keep askin us bout ur gf
So naturally I put on the sorrowful facade and apologized but as you can tell from my poem I'm fucking pissed.
Merida Jul 20

Have you ever wondered if there are really voices inside us?
That pushes us
Pestering us
Keeps us believes
That they are true
Lies that seems to be truth
And mostly
Thoughts that is little by little
Ruining us.

I closed my eyes
And voices start to speak
They're talking to me
But I'm answering them
I don't know what is this drive
That makes me dive
Deeper than abyss
And blurry than darkness
Voices that make me follow
Even when I don't know
Cold voices
Bold voices
Millions echoing
But only one origin
I wonder
Not far yonder
Will these voices remain even when I'm gone?
Will vanish when every thought is done?
I asked myself
Am I not normal?
Why are they keep talking?
It's just you who think
Something bigger
And something deeper
The voice answered
And added
It's all in the mind
It will vanish if you don't mind
Don't sink
Just think.

Subjectivity of the eyes,
Transverse the sea,
To see the world's vice,
Drowning in a sea of lies,
We dream of locks and keys.

Keep to yourself and lie -
- down on roses of red and white,
With scents and fragrance,
So alluring, sweet, and suffocating.
Of roses so white become red,
From wounds of the past -

Of vacant, empty, fragile dreams,
Of hope, love, lies and deceit.
As I try  to walk this path of dread,
I face myself in dreary despair.
A loss of hope is but my demise,
Wobbling through this life so divine,
To be free and caged is but a reality,
As we dance in this cage of futility.
We dream, and dream, then hope,
Only to wake up and stay awoke.

Why must life be this way
Not everything turns out okay
We lose to the ever changing way of life
Our soul is hit by so much strife
Friendships once formed break
And that ruptures our world like an earthquake
Nothing we say or do will change it
We'll just have to deal with that hit
I personally, turn bitter
These feelings usually are targeted towards a "her"
It's the women that I've met that negatively affected me
Well not all the women, not entirely.
Just the ones that had a side of them I didn't know about
A side that just makes me want to scream and shout.
If time travel were possible I'd erase them from my past
They'd be gone like an epic blast
That's just not possible though
I have to deal with that soul shattering blow
To think that everyone thinks you're an amazing person worth befriending
Then realizing it was like a friendship fling
There one second then just completely not
Sadly, I've felt that a lot.
And naturally, that feeling of sadness turns to anger
Anger that, as I said before, is targeted at a "her"
Why is it the women that hurt me so?
Just forgive them and let go?
Screw that! When I get the chance I'll make them regret their choice to unfriend me
They WILL know how much I suffered internally
I realize that I am a pretty messed up individual wishing that on her
But all my experiences dealing with women like her built up this anger.

I know that this one doesn't follow the happy/ not negative direction I've been heading in but I would love some feedback on this one.
WGelles Jul 11

The punitive silences,
the bad atmosphere they generate,
the mind-games they use to try to suck you in
are telltale signs of the toxic person.
It could be your in-laws, a parent, coworker, your boss or spouse,
a sibling, a roommate, boyfriend or girlfriend,
someone you want out of the house.
Toxic people want to make you miserable.
Especially if you're a decent sort, they hone in on you like a heat-seeking missile.
They spew their negativity and blame it on you.
They lie constantly, or twist the facts to suit their changing needs of the moment
and they never apologize (so don't expect an apology, ever).
With a toxic person there is no reciprocity.
They sprinkle their toxic dust on you.  It makes them feel better.
Their ulterior goal is to demean you, to make you feel smaller.
They project their worst tendencies onto you,
find fault with you for traits you don't possess---
a shadow of the shit that lurks inside them.
They try to dictate the emotional atmosphere
through their attitude or twisted mood.
They drain you of your energy, bring you down,
They'll always find a reason why your good news isn't great news.
Their agenda is to cut you down to their size,
to manipulate and control
to fuck you over while they play the injured party.

Confront the bully.  Speak up to the manipulator, the trickster, the backstabber.
but beyond a certain point
there is no point in arguing with them.  
Don't try to change the toxic person.  You can't.
You'd have better luck changing an orangutan into Homo sapiens.
Only a shrink could change them, and then only if they hit rock-bottom.
Don't try to justify yourself.  It's a waste of time which would only draw you deeper into their net.
Set boundaries to keep their negativity in check.
Stop trying to please them.
Let that toxic somebody in your life know you're onto them
and they can't get away with it anymore.
Don't fall into their trap, don't get caught up in their life-dramas
or try to get them out of trouble.  Don't let them instill guilt in you.
But try not to take their toxicity personally.
Remember, it's them, not you.  You are not to blame
though they desperately want you to feel you've done something wrong.

If necessary (and if possible), delete the toxic person from your life and move on.
Know when enough is enough.
Saying good riddance doesn't necessarily mean you hate them, it means
your own well-being comes first.
Immunize yourself.  Preserve your inner strength.
Set your own rules.
And, when possible, just walk away.

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