She lays down
in bed-sheets red and retreats into her mind
agonizing over answers to questions,
answers she will never find.
This isn’t the first time.

The sun and the moon waltz through the skies
watched through clouded eyes
the pair reminds her how alone she feels inside,
the disconnect that’s in her mind.
It won’t be the last time.

The wind batters her with rain
she is tired, broken… ashamed.
She doesn’t know your name and you don’t know hers,
it’s time for that to change. Loneliness is the bastion of the mind,
don’t look for answers you will never find.

i sit in this chair a million times.
i sit in this chair and i do the same thing every time.
i eat only to lose my appetite.
i smile only to vomit out all my happiness after.
i look at those who have hurt me.
yet i feel nothing.
i let out the choked sobs no one ever gets to hear.
and i will forget it all even happened.

i don't know. what happens. inside.

inside me is a place even i don't understand.
inside me are demons who eat every inch of my sanity.
my sanity— or better, what's left of my sanity is carved to form a wooden mask.
my sanity only cripples from here, and there is inevitability that death comes.
death comes and then the demons crawl out my used skin.
death comes and then there is no coming back.
back to when all was quiet and i listened again and again.
back to the times where i could only see me.
but now everyone can see me.
but now everyone can see the real me.

i am not the Good Little Girl.

not anymore.
nor was i ever the Good Little Girl.
for it was the wooden mask, docile and glorified.
and now it is smoke and ashes.
and now so am i.
but

i am the Good Little Girl.

i will glue up all the ashes if i must.
if it means maintaining my image— if it means tearing my own soul apart,
i will become the Good Little Girl.

for it is the only way of living i know.
and the Good Little Girl is a habit i will never break out of.

the glowing of the
hot embers from
what was left of the
bonfire reminded
me that maybe
some good can come
out of this darkness.

you broke me
beyond repair
it sometimes feel
but this time i
don't want to be that girl
who runs to the next man's
available set of arms
the one who still lives
inside of the sadness
you left behind for me
the one
you no longer feel
i want to heal
to wait
to believe
that something far better than you
is meant for me