Juno 5h
why do you yell?
why do you say these horrible things
because you love me?
because i could never get anyone else to love me.
and i storm down the stairs and
crawl into my bed
covering my head
and i cry.
i cry waterfalls into rivers into lakes
while my mother strokes my hair
and i love her but i need her to leave
but i am scared of what will happen
if i am alone.
so i try to sleep, but i choke
everytime i lay down and each
morning i wake up with marks on my
breathing quickens as i remember
what happened the night before
and how i am too afraid to open my
bedroom door.
i consider the window.
consider the faulty lock.
consider walking to His house at 2am.
he is the only one i can count on.
but i cannot worry my brother like that
and my mother would be distraught
i want fresh air
and water
but i do not ever want to eat again.
the sight makes me sick.
I want to wander away from this forsaken house
to somewhere better.
but is the grass ever greener?
because at this moment it feels like every blade is
dried and dying.
feels like thunderstorms and rain clouds but not
the exciting kind.
the terrible,
cursed kind.
the compressing kind
the depressing kind.
the kind that makes you want to jump off a fucking bridge
but the water's freezing.
the kind that provokes earthquakes.
i don't even know what kind means anymore because
the only one who shows me
i have not seen since april.
think of how lucky you are,
warm house, family, friends,
but they wouldn't feel fucking lucky if they stepped inside my head.
if they knew how many flowers crumbled up and turned to dust
at my touch or if they knew what it was like to have
no clue who you are.

i can't even fucking breathe anymore.
to step away.

To care for yourself.

To breathe.

To not
be okay
all the
Dominique 17h
Ribcage rising,
Blackbirds singing,
Alarm clock ringing,
Blue eyes open,
Deep sleep broken,
Faded dreams
Coffee time,
Write a rhyme,
Waiting for the train.
Just keep count
(Of breath amount)
And pray it doesn't rain.
Nearing now,
Remember how
To look like you don't care.
And in this way
You (sort of) stay
In charge of your own air.
Besides, we're almost there.
The start of weekdays always makes me feel uneasy
japheth 1d
you’re deep underwater
you crawl up into a ball
you know the water has already went inside your lungs
but still,
you breathe.

you pray that maybe,
you’ll get used to breathing underwater
—with your eyes closed and mouth shut.
you scream so loud though only the water hears you,
doing anything but comfort you.

for the longest time,
you have felt this way
and i can’t blame you
i’ve been there too.

but i want you to open your eyes
even if all you can see is the darkness, open them.
i want you to move your arms, swim.
i want you to realize,
you’ve been sinking yourself all this time.
if only you stretched your feet,
you’ll feel the floor so close to you.
i want you to stand up and get out of that pool
you’ve always thought was an ocean.

now you’re head’s above water,
you stretch your arms,
you know the air has already went inside your lungs
and now,
you breathe.
Xaha 1d

Don’t let the smoke out
Don’t let me either.
xak 2d
please do not smother me

                 smothering implies force
           it implies suppression
  Or asphyxiation
it is something not being wanted

         instead engulf me in your love
    let me be immersed in it
cradle me in it
Coddle me
shelter me
                        let me breathe
                              So i can appreciate it
                   and feel it all around me
             that makes it so much better
      ever so soft
      ever so loving
      ever so gentle

                 I understand why you want to smother
                                 i do
                          but you’re somebody
                     you’re important
                You’re love is important
        the best thing you can give along with       your time.
   It’s valuable,
so you shouldn’t give it if it is not unwanted

                           even to me

                        Or at least don’t make it a habit with anyone
                you see
        because you are too precious
    and valuable
    and important
    but thank you

                                I do
                          I appreciate the gesture and the thought.
                     I do
                  I want your love but not like that
           just not that way
       just not by suffocation
 I want to be engulfed in it

                     there’s a difference
c 2d
I always wondered
If something I never had
Could hurt me

But then I held my breath
And my lungs screamed for the air
They didn’t have

I want to be the air in your lungs that reminds you to breathe, slowly
Myself 4d
You're making me suffocate.
I look at you and it feels like you're taking all the air from my lungs.
I get nervous thinking about you.
I release a sigh of relief once you are gone.
I feel free from you.
You always come back or wait for me to come back to you.
We wait for each other to be able to breathe around each other.
We never are.
xak 4d
I’m better
When i think about you i don’t feel like
I can’t breathe anymore
I don’t hold my breathe anymore
I don’t take it for granted anymore
I inhale deeply
And i remember what it feels like
To be deprived
To be suffocating
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