I have an incurable form of depression that manifests itself in the form of suicidal thoughts, exclusion from participation in living activities and listlessness
It gives me no greater desire then the desire to not be a part of my own life
I am inert
I feel no need to be here and I take no pleasure in taking part in this moment
It kind of feels like trying to let go of something you can not physically release.
But the choice is not given... Exactly
I simply Must erraticate and nothing short of my own demise will suffice.
Simple, perfect and complete.
My own personal suicide.
Pulses and waves
Have their joys across my body.
Son of Aphrodite, he that smites breasts with an unknown Promethean heat.
The delectable wound on my chest marked from his piercing arrow.
Animating force, who's origin is only mumbled in gentle whispers
across my neck.
Shall we build our haven upon him,
Before the Father of The Sea washes us away?
Eros will save our love from the gallows
And forever gleam those beacons in his eyes: The idol of arrows.
The skeletons in my closet,
keep me company.
Running from my problems,
I cannot see.
It's all going too fast.
It's all just passing me by
I'm pushing and pushing and pushing the rock up the hill
But it's pointless
It just falls back down,
The world's a blur
My feet are tired.
We're at a standstill
Lost track of time.
My life's just passing me by.
Reality holds no more of my patience
and I ignore it for now
Taking a book , catching the flight of fiction
and slip away to another universe
Escape to sympathize with else's problems
I entertain my mind with the best and the worst
Hoping to have the same courage
enough space to set my own stage
Reading between the spaces of chapters
the skipped parts , never made to pages
just like the static parts of my current life .
I don't even know what to say anymore
I've used the word word and words
too many times and I'm in
something of a rut
dominated by a state of nigh infinite flux
the problem is I'm aiming an empty gun
at yellow iron ducks, red horned devils
thinking the same few thoughts again, again,
again, stuck casting such dark spells
spinning the wheel, ever on the carousel
all i do is cast dark spells
all i do is tell true stories
as if they were tall tales
when i could scribe my life
as if it were fiction
Today m in gratitude,
Thanking for the times I survived.
solution seem to be problems,
& Problems were constant.
When I was afraid of mornings,
& filled with dark inside.
When I was 1 part love,
& 3 part fear.
Oh ! My poor vision.
But today my past is beyond me
& I am new me.
Today I sees deep skies with hopeful eyes.
I remember it, all the times you've cried because of me
It hurt, but I never showed any of it saddened me
Since the last girl told me she would die for me
I fell in love with her, but all she ever did was lie to me
So this is the way it has to be,
Last night I slept with another man's property
She called him on the phone
Told him she was with her girls
I looked at her as I shook my head
I told her "That's some dirty work"
This is why my heart is cold
I've been dealing with the fact that I'd be dying alone
So brainwashed by my past woes
Can't even find a good girl
Without treating her like a hoe
And it turns her warm heart into snow
That's the generation now and how every cycle goes
Talked to my Dad about this, and he sat me down one night
"Grab a cold one and listen, I'm only giving you one life advice,
Girls always want a guy who's living in the limelight
Yeah her pussy might be good, but what's her mind like?"