he forgot how to human
all the competition drained from him
sitting at the lights
in the midst of blaring horns
the gateway open
go green
go green
no one caring that HE'd broken down
looking at an event horizon
drawing him from the crowd

I told you last night
That all the men I've ever fallen in love with
Were like puzzle boxes -
An intellectual's game,
A challenge,
Something for me to solve
That wasn't my own problems.

Now I realize my simile was incomplete.

All the people I've ever loved are puzzles,
And both experience and society have taught me
That in order to see the full picture
You must put them back together.

I have also learned the hard way
(Or rather, you have taught me)
That some people don't want to be solved.

It is only by turning my observations inward
That I have realized I am also a puzzle,
My pieces scattered across the carpet
Of my childhood bedroom
By my parents, who saw what I was becoming,
And swept me onto the floor
Because they didn't like the finished picture.

How am I supposed to solve someone else
When I cannot even find all the pieces of myself?

Experience and society have taught me
That people make themselves puzzle pieces
To fit into other peoples' lives.

But I am such an odd shape
That I am either too big or too small,
Or the pattern is all wrong,
And I must find a different puzzle
In the hopes that I belong there instead.

And worst of all I fear
That when I have found all of my pieces,
Collected off the carpet and from underneath the bed,
I will not like the finished picture,
And dash myself to bits all over again.

No wonder all of my friends are psychologists -
They see me for the puzzle that I am,
And try to help me solve myself.

How do I tell you
That I would rather solve other people
Because I have given up on solving myself?

How do I tell you
That I have lost so many pieces
That I do not even know if I can be solved?

I have realized
That I only fall in love with fictional men
Because their puzzles are already solved -
And it is only by taking them apart,
Their pieces scattered on the floor with my own,
Neither of us whole,
That I can imagine them loving me.

I have also realized
That the reason I cannot accept unconditional love
Is because you do not care that I am broken,
And maybe it's okay that I am not complete,
Because maybe nobody really is.

No wonder all of my friends are psychologists -
They can see that I am broken,
And they do not care because they are too.

How do I tell you
That I don't want to be solved either?

How do I tell you
That I am afraid of what I might see
When I am whole again?

of course I’m angry
of course I’m sad
of course I’m broken
of course I’m mad
of course I’m happy
I’m filled with light
I’m not one to look for a fight
I need not look far, you see,
the fight is between me and me
It’s a tiny typhoon,
with the weight of the moon,
It drags me down to the sea - with no light
I try and try with all my might
for years I struggle
for years I fail
to protect myself
I build my own jail
I am my own warden
I am my own bars
but you see the freedom
of my painted scenery
the walls of my cell - mirrors to reality
if the mirror is broken
well, seven years bad luck
but at this point I don’t think I give a ****
so please let me rest
so please give me peace
I’m ready for that one final test
but if today’s not my day to meet my Lord and Savior
I have faith that He awaits to see what I endeavour
to see if I struggle
to see if I care  
to see if I fight
to see if I dare
I dare to dream
I dare to try
I dare to soar
I dare to fly
so from the sea I’ll breach my wings
and track Icarus’ fall from the Kings
for where he fell, so too shall I fly, to the moon and back - so dare shall I

Snap
I can feel my branches trembling
Snap
I can feel my roots quiver
Snap
I can feel my body shake
Snap
I can hear a faint whisper
Snap
I try my best to still my movements
Snap
So that the voice becomes clear
Snap
I hold it all inside
Snap
Until I hear all of the lies
Snap
I tell myself I’m stable
Snap
But I know it isn’t real
Snap
I breathe through the chaos
Snap
Until the chaos breaks through
Snap
I am not thriving
Snap
I am barely surviving
Snap
I hold myself back
Snap
Until one day I finally
Snap
And see the mess I’ve made
Snap
I am running out of branches
Snap
But all I need is one
Snap
To remind me who I am
Snap
I am stronger than I speak
Snap
I am kinder than I act
Snap
I embrace the anger
Snap
I embrace the sadness
Snap
I embrace what made me
Snap
And I choose to
Stop
I choose to
Grow

The sharp point of a geometric compass
Stabs the page to position the beginning of a circle.
We met, came together
This was the beginning of us.

The arc was progressing at a constant radius
The direction was clear and apparent
Succumbing to its pull
Riding and shifting to keep its natural path

After a half life, the compass stopped  
The compass point came loose and as it clawed the page
Blobs of blood emerged from the scratches
Bleeding with wounds wide open

Task too large to shift and correct its position
Task too large for us to fix.
So much history and a life built together
In midway, stalled.

Best to close the circle
Seal it to minimise the bleed
Seal you in with our lifes work
Close me out to keep distance and end the bleed

Many years later, I see with clarity
2 lives continued separately
You needed the security and form, a half circle.
A protractor of sorts to help you navigate

With no rules or formulas to navigate
Disappointment and failure abounded
Colour and shape, I found
A pathway to solace, a place I could heal

Semicircle is a form, worthy of its own definition.
A meeting point and a point where we ended.
New forms emerge and they shift as life reveals itself.
No regrets, no malice and in the place remains a sense of gratitude.

Gratitude for the experiences
The life lessons we had to learn
For the legacy of the wonderful lives we created
For sharing THE experience, the most important one.

I am now the shape shifter
Bouncing around trying to find form
Maybe I am not meant to be one shape
Maybe this is what a creative does