"dont do it"
i say to myself in my head
because i know i want to text you so bad
and talk once more
start things up
and see how you are
but i know it would be the worst mistake of all
because i know it will do me no good
it will only make me worse
im in love with someone else
but i still care about you
we grew up together
and now i never hear from you
i don't want you to get the wrong message if we speak
because i only care as a friend
but i know you care for more
you know me inside and out
and i thought i knew you inside and out as well
but no one really knows
because you never let anyone in
you almost let me in
but i fucked it up
and I'm sorry
i know you'll never forgive me
and when you see my face
you'll only think of what i did to you
and how hurt you were
and still are
but i am sorry
and saying sorry won't ever make up for it
but i will spend the rest of my life wishing i was different back then
i am different now
and i would never do now what i did to you then
but its too late
i want to see what you're up to
and hangout like we used to
spend hours just talking about pointless shit
but laughing uncontrollably
i want to spend hours on the phone
like we used to
about how life sucks but we'll make it through
life is short
and things change too quickly
its weird not talking to you
its weird not seeing you
its weird not having any communication at all
i miss it
but you'll get the wrong idea
because i miss you as a friend
but you miss me as someone more
im in love with someone else
and he is absolutely perfect
i will never let him go
but if you want to talk to me too
then you have to let me go
your body reaches up into the sky like the buildings where you lived in harlem,
your hair and your jeans are dark like the tar in your lungs from all that smoking,
your face is scattered with dark moles like the night skies when you text me,
your smile is wide and goofy like mine when you call me baby girl,
your voice is deep and low like the rappers you listen to,
your hands are soft like the fleece inside your hoodies,
your hugs are warm like the texas sun that you used to bask under,
you're sweet like that cough syrup i drink,
you're strong like that rum i get drunk on,
you're calming like that weed i pack into a pipe,
you're fun like that extra pill i pop,
and you're my gentle giant.
It's been so long since I've written,
It's almost like I've forgot.
It's been so long since I was open,
It's almost like I'm not.
I really dont know how to say that,
I am not okay once more.
I really dont know how to say that,
I am not quite sure what for.
Perhaps it's because you're gone,
Perhaps the fact it's all over.
Perhaps it's because you left,
Perhaps the fact I'm a leftover.
It hurts trying to accept the that,
It really is the end.
It hurts trying to accept that,
It really isn't "boyfriend".
i keep disappointing you. you claim that the only thing that matters to you anymore is me. that i'm your fucking angel.
i keep disappointing you. the only thing that matters to you is this disappointment.
i hate myself because i don't try.
i don't try for you and that makes me loathe myself.
i want to be good for you.
i want to bury my myself in your chest and fall asleep. to feel the warmth of your love against me. to be close to your heart.
i wish i wasn't so scared, but you're more scared than me.
i want you to be mine and i want to fall in love together. i want this to last. i've never been loved. you're the only one who has cared. everyone else just wants to fuck me hard.
i can't form a relationship. i'm fucked up and paranoid.
i want to be good for you so badly.
Given: you and me, represented by the variables Y and M. Y is subject to change, and M is a constant. We are equal to the sum of Y and M.
Given: our lips, represented by the variables L sub yours and L sub mine. Electricity is equal to the sum of L sub y and L sub m. Electricity is equal to euphoria. By the transitive property, the sum of our lips is happiness. Kissing you is happiness.
How much I am attached to you is represented by the variable A. A is equal to the quantity of all the times you make me laugh, plus how many songs are on the playlist you made me, multiplied by how many times I couldn’t stop myself from kissing you in public.
My paranoia that you will leave, represented by P, steadily increases at the same rate as my attachment to you. The volume of the box I isolate myself within is equal to l times w times h. If my anxiety fills my body at the rate of 3 m2/second, how long will it take for me to have an emotional breakdown?
Heartache is equal to the difference of Y and M, and it is represented by H. H increases when it is multiplied by how many days we spent together, multiplied by how many of my friends approved of you, multiplied by how many of your sweatshirts are still in my bedroom, multiplied by how many “text me when you get home safely”s we sent, multiplied by how many times you called me beautiful.
In conclusion, nostalgia markedly increases H.
H reduces when it is divided by the elapsed time in days since H occurred. At some point, the total H reaches zero. A new Y may take its predecessor’s place, and, the algorithm may be used again. But maybe that’s too much math. After all, M is a constant. M is the only thing I need to exist. After all the relentless calculation, maybe a Y doesn’t belong in the equation after all.
I hate the way you 'Bo' (don't) plan.
It makes me feel moved
to the back burner
And not important enough for you
To actually want to spend
time with me.
I get insecure and anxious when
I have no idea what tomorrow holds.
So suprise 'im coming over and ill be there in 5' texts might be cute but
They leave me with stress and dread.
I love how both of our #1 love language is physical touch.
Because when you grab my thigh
when we drive, I feel
how much you need me.
When you kiss my forehead and
Hold me close when we cuddle, I feel
Safe and protected in your arms.
We agreed at the start that we would communicate with each other.
But I get so embarrassed when you ask me about anything.
(Why I kissed you like that, how much I like you, how good of a
kisser you are, why I like you, etc)
Because I haven't been in a
Relationship like this before and
I get so scared I messed something up.
I need you to remember that I am
3 years younger than you and I
Don't have nearly as much
experience as you do.
I love how you brought me your
SpongeBob PJ's for me to wear
When I got cold.
I kept them and I sleep in them almost
Every night and I am wearing them now as I write this poem.
I love the way your voice sounds.
I'm sorry that sometimes when you talk I don't know what you are saying.
I just enjoy listen to you speak.
When we watch a movie or TV and
Anything remotely funny happens,
I love it so much and when I told you,
You suddenly became self conscious
And embarrassed and tried not to laugh. But I think it's endearing and I love it about you.
You are 19 and I love how responsible
And patient you can be.
Yesterday when I explained how
Upset and frustrated I was @you,
You didn't have to listen or understand. But you did.
You apologized for something you didn't Intend to do or even realized that you did.
I have a lot of respect for the way you treated me.
I'm sorry I don't completely enjoy your
Taste in music.
And I'm sorry that I haven't really let
You pick a movie yet.
You didn't know this
before you read this
(If you read this)
But at your job you have plenty of chances to flirt. With your looks you could have plenty of women
to chose from.
So I was terrified you would
cheat on me.
I had already accepted that you would.
But you haven't, and
I don't think you will.
I trust you now. And I am sorry that I
Ever doubted you.
Originally I hated the pet name 'babe'. I would groan every time
you'd call me it. But now I like it.
Because YOU call me that.
The name has grown on me and I've come to appreciate it.
I want you to know how important you are to me.
You are my favorite boy. And...
I think I'm falling in love with you.