If I ever look tired
Well sometimes I can't sleep
Even when I do
You drive me crazy in my dreams

This mess is your masterpiece
So I dedicate these dark circles to my love that is true
I hope you see them as beautiful

Because even when I'm sleeping
All I think about is you
m.d

Sleep. Elusive sleep. It slithers around my throat tightening its grip. Forcing my eyes to sag. It drags me under as I desperately cling to consciousness. I claw at the edge of the void trying desperately yet fruitlessly because I am ripped from my realty and into the unknown. No. Not the unknown but rather the hideous crevices of my mind. I am slammed up against the wall chackled to my Id. I can hear the heavy, dragging footsteps of my repressed memories. My captors are my past. They are the pain I felt. They loom over me and suddenly I feel as if my reality is shattered and I’m back with him. I scream as I feel the bruises materialize to their old homes. I cry out as my skin splits itself open again old faded scars reinvigorated with the flow of blood across my skin. I curl into a ball questioning if the sweet release of morning wil ever come... Then I feel your hands. It makes me sick. those tools of torture that stripped me of my sanity and self worth. Those big grimy ******* hands that tore away parts of me piece by piece until all I was was afraid. Even now he’s controlling my future a puppet master of malicious intent. I want to cry. I want to scream. But mostly I just want to me okay again. I curl up into a ball and pray for morning. And when it comes I claw my way into reality. I wake up afraid and dead inside. I wake up having lost all the progress I have so tediously made. Sleep. My advisory in mental health heals my fatigue. Like some sick paradox. Sleep, oh how I hate you!! I guess I’ll see you tonight.

I lay wide awake. I can't help It, I've done everything I can. Maybe my life is fake. Those voices I silence during the day, they come back stronger. And I lay here in the dark forever longer. They yell in my head screaming at me, Saying I'm not good enough, saying I'll fail. The clock ticks bye and I need to sleep so I take that Nyquil. I know I shouldn't and I know it's bad but half a bottle is ok. Maybe a sip will do, oh no I'm still not tired so down it goes. And I can't express my deepest woes. I start feeling happy enough to sleep, finally. I look at the clock oh I have an hour to sleep oh well. I'll fall asleep like I just fell. I whisper a final I'm sorry and hold that photo to my lips before finally passing out. Now the voices won't shout.

in the street
the pavement is wet
sloping hill, up to your house
brown, dying leaves
surrounding our warm bodies
car pulls up
we don't even notice

we lay

on the stained carpet
in the basement
apart from anything else
lights are off
playlist, ours
heads pressed together
one in the morning
you tell me who you were
and who you are
i follow suit, blindly
i trust you
with everything

we lay

on your bed
there's no bed frame
just a mattress and some pillows
my head is spinning
i felt like i was dreaming
afraid i would wake
and you'd be gone
our music still on

we lay

i wonder about you
when i wake up at 3am
i wonder if you're okay
if your mind is at peace
if you have found what you were looking for
if you love yourself now
if you see yourself like i do
i just wonder
at 5am,
are you sleeping safely
if the demons have escaped
if your heart is beating peacefully.

Shadows dance upon the walls
The clocks incessant tick
Why am I awake right now?
Because insomnia’s a ****

I haven't slept in days
Trying to figure out why
I have a monster living in my head

Telling me sweet lullabies
Of how I'm not good enough
How I'm not who I want to be
How I'm a failure

I haven't been able to sleep
Relax
Have a moment of peace to myself
Without the monster screaming and screaming

This monster isn't new
I say hello to them every day
I say goodnight to them every night
Before they keep me awake with their yelling and disapproval

I haven't slept in days
Because my brain
Is a monster

I don't like the day
The sun makes me suffocate

The busy streets..
Earthly responsibilities..

I rather fly through the sky
And fall to the depths

But I also want to be alive
Rather than dead

Neither are easy times
But sometimes it's hard to find the line

I don't think I see it anymore