I was chosen by chance The moment fate took a bite The start of my story Was the end of his life I felt unworthy and confused Running farther from the fight I wasn't scared of the dark I was more scared of the light That focused on my failures Weighed by greater expectations I was ****** into the web Of my own frustration I want to run and hide Just to escape it all Forget what fate has given me All of my fears and all of my falls This mask that holds a legacy Wasn't able to mask a novice Because this suit held a hero And I wasn't suited for this promise
thinking if we disguise our hair in an obscure form of veil they will conceal our madness
thinking if our skin prevails after years of stacking knitwear they will shred our sadness
then asking us why are we so vain? why do we masquerade our emotions to keep us sane? when all your attempts strives to conceal what’s underneath underneath that cloth you call a veil underneath that skin you use for sale
I've painted a face far from my own I've painted it thick enough so no one will know
It rained and it poured. The paint dripped to the floor
I panicked and ran as far as I can. I covered my face with both of my hands.
I didn't want anyone to see me Even I didn't want to see who that might be
I haven't seen her in so long Me and her, we don't get along
She's my little secret that holds all my secrets To hide her is the only way to keep it
I make sure no one is around then I lock the bathroom door Its time for another battle in this never ending war
I take my brush and paint over my cracks I paint layers and layers and hope it'll stay intact.
I take a long look in the mirror My reflection says to come nearer
I saw the person I wanted to be I close my eyes and count to three
I was ready to put on a show I was ready to be someone I didn't know
I walk out with the smile I drew I am now the person everyone is used to
They don't notice I am not who I portray myself to be Deep down, I kind of hope they'll see right through me
I've been trying to be that happy person again by pretending to be that person. Suppressing my depression isn't exactly the best option but it feels like the only option. I don't know what to do. People like me for the person I'm pretending to be.
Anger; to suppress my sadness I drive myself into madness and disguise it into anger
Laughter; I try and bestow laughter onto others to substitute my depression with joy. I only smile when others around me smile but in reality im stuck in a void
I’m dying inside... crying inside... hiding inside Trapped in my mind.... fighting inside
Searching for myself ina rage Only to find myself ina cell, locked away in a cage Afraid.. To tame.... This animal, this beast, this serpent So I masquerade around pretending to be perfect I mask my emotions and hide my feelings on the surface,
Determined.... To lock away my emotions, to lock away the hurting Throw away the key and pray no one ever goes searching
It's easy to pretend like everything's okay. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Repeat the process all day long, Until you're drowning in your tears, back in the safety of your room. Let the river of salt wash away your sins and sorrows. A smile creeps back when you're done, manual and mechanical. And you go on and on and on. Repeating the process all over again. Till you choke and suffocate in your own pool of tears. A strangled whisper escapes your lips, but is there anyone out there to hear you? "Its going to be alright", they said. Soothing lies. Bitter soothing lies. Will you ever be able to pull yourself out? Or will you let the fingers of your past strangle you?
I don't know guys. This was written in between a mental breakdown lol. I thought it was relatable. Anyway, if you're going through the same ****, I'm sorry for you and let me tell you this: It gets better, but it takes a lot of time. Stay patient and ignore the **** world. Work on yourself and become the best version of yourself. Learn to love and appreciate yourself. Nothing feels better than that. Much love xoxo