I want less hollow nights
And a loneliness that dissipates
I want the moon to shine from my chest
A glow that pulses with the rhythm of my heartbeat and accentuates the craters from every asteroid that's hit the surface.
I want stars in my eyes when I look at you.
I want love in my moon heart when I hug you ... hold you.
I want time to be blissful and inaccurate. A mess of seconds, minutes and hours sped up and slowed down no longer indicating or defining any one experience.
And in the mess, I want to ponder that loss of structure with you.
I want to feel whole and complete
In my brain and body
I want hope and unconditional respect for my genderless siblings and their conflicts.
I want patience for my own weaknesses
And forgiveness for my failures.
I want the strength to wake up
The courage to feed myself
And the confidence to keep moving
Time ticks forward and backward, up and down.
I want calmness and leniency for my emotional process
Gentle touch from my friends and lovers
I want healing and self-love.
I want to sleep next to you
To learn to trust
To connect frayed threads from split ends of past wounds
Reconnecting emotions that only spark and never light
A gas stove that poisons the air awaiting ignition.
I've spent my spoons on people who have only learned to take.
I want to never forget how to give
Even to those who don't deserve it.
I want to forgive those who have hurt me and rejected me.
And I want to forgive myself for those I have hurt and rejected.
I want to find closure for pain that numbly aches in my cratered moon heart.
I want to make plans for the future
With hope in my mouth
As words tumble out
I want to see the sun rise and set in all its cliched glory.
I want to feel satisfied by simplicity
And welcome difficulty with determination emanating from my pores.
I want to be humbled by all the things I will never know and accepting of not knowing.
I want to sit with my sadness and console it with thoughtful kindness. I want to find the energy to walk through the fires of depression with strength and understanding.
I want to believe in my worth and that I am worthy.
I am worthy.
I want to surround myself with those who make me feel wanted and cared for.
Loved and understood.
I want to help others feel their worth and have patience with their process of understanding their own worth.
I want to be present for those I love.
And make sacrifices to maintain my own self-care.
I want to look at my craters
Truly see them
Even the deepest darkest ones
Accepting and acknowledging their presence and recognizing the change they have created in me, positively or negatively.
I want to breathe life into the air
And stay alive for another thirty years and another thirty after that.
I want to see the value in my life.
I want to live openly and thoughtfully.
Holding myself as well as others
Softly guiding ones who are lost through their sorrows
And accepting that some do not desire guidance nor are they in place to accept it.
I want to permeate positivity.
And not underestimate negativity.
I want to accept the light of the sun
Shining bright on my full moon heart
Bearing witness to all that there is and appreciating the wonder and beauty of the universe in all its vastness.
How the flowers bloom.
Every aspect is given a thought.
Every petal is being sought.
Amazing how the world works,
By the pattern of the given quirks.
It seems to flow at every turn,
By the stem that has so much to yearn.
By early morning each petal has glittering dew.
Will bring sparkles to you unending view.
As the early sun rises to the blue sky,
It softly touches the soft flower by.
I would love you to express yourself,
And not be bounded by yourself.
For every thought kept will implode,
Until all kept thought will explode.
Cry if you must.
Laugh if you will.
Your feelings will last.
It will be a thrill.
I want you to weep.
I want you to be glee.
I want you to fell every color of every spectrum.
I want you to be you.
As my vision begins to blur and the voices sound so far , I can't help but wonder...
Is this it?
Outlines of people I cannot recognize ,
And sliding off the chair as I sit.
Like metal grinding together in my head,
And gravity pulls at one side of by body.
There's a witch brewing up a a poison in my stomach and It's put me in a sincape.
When I wake the bright lights make me assume that the great gates of heaven are opened to me.
right when I call for my lord and savior I am again put into the dark by this witch that's now in my head.
When I wake once more I am no longer at the gates , instead I am soiled in a hospital bed .
I guess god wants me to put up a fight,
And maybe what I saw were the EMT's flashing lights.
Right now I feel as if I had broke , and god has a cruel sense of humor . but that's only because I've had a stroke .
My mind can't think - Its deep in emotion - Perpetuated skill lost in a mans strong will devotion - I feel gravity fall beneath me - Sprawled out live entertainment - This isn't the ticket I fret don't misplace it - Deeper - "You" have never been, Your hiding - Shadows befall - Hearing voices cracks? creeps? Sensing something skin on skin - Screaming echoes from a depth iv balanced within - My walls shudder - Your threatened by another - Empty calls his name alone - Buried in shame - She leaves his mind alone to wonder - Secrets from a past future present still ponder - She calls late at night eyes beside her closed nothing aware of this mistress misfortune - A love lost at first site - Will you amount to what iv made her - This question dissipates think beyond your greedy heart - Make her a star treat her like nothing less that perfect - She's a queen a goddess far beyond your blessing - I cannot argue or say persuasive misfortunes - Only wish you the best in this vested journey and pray how you treat her.
That first time he touched me, I could have screamed,
Demanding to know where he has been, or if fate forgot about our destiny, temporarily…
Because in that moment his hands were all I needed
and I had needed them for so very long, that affection… provided direction, for a soul who was wandering lost for what felt like eternity
the "water is the excel
to draconian candela"
that parlance condemned
is licentious promenade
which prior's similes
reiterate, there is a fountain
of my cinnamon
arid sovereign suave
- ice cones truffle devour -
- Lucifer/Master but
I can't resist the touch -
as I read Aristotle's
poetics and metaphysics
because I am not holy as
I once was even though I am
never giving back quarters
My life is meaningless right now, no doubt
It's dragging me along for the ride and I want out
Being a gentleman and acting with sincerity
Is laughed at from the sidelines, open eyes for clarity
Open jaw too, wide open I'm feeling crook
Like every inch of my soul was spilling blood onto books
And etching it's story there for everyone to see how stupid
The arrows shot from the bow of the cruel Cupid
It's ruthless, and he's shot me many times
I'm always checking my back scared because he's worked into my mind
It's not fine, draw the line to check the time
I'm here for the wrong reasons but all those reasons are mine
Second hand shop selling the single biggest retard
Thinking he's so smooth like dude you blind and can't see far
Use and abuse is what the bruises be telling me
And my heart aches, an earthquake seething with jealousy
You see me through a telescope with a double standard lens
Saying the only way you see us is merely as good friends
And that's fine but why do you have to play me like this
Twice now, no doubt you playin it's not nice miss!
Jesus Christ I'm faithless and playing tracks from the same list
The cold calculated sad songs preaching death wishes
You said it takes a while to make it to that, miss
But the first chance you get you're with my best friend, like fuck me I'm being replaced quick!
You don't seem to quite grasp how much that fucken hurts
And the worst part of it is if you didn't tell me it'd be worse
Just drive me to my grave so I can rest in peace in that hearse
It goes by a cliff? Fuck it, chuck it in reverse