you colored me blue
some days the blue of the sky
because you knew how to
make me feel carefree and alive

other days
the blue of the ocean
because you never knew
how to handle your emotions

you were the kind of blue
that was full of life
the kind of color
that made me see the conception
between you and i

Voices all day seem to criticize like buzzing flies,
like tyrants with their wooden Fists,
and raging impulses.
they say -
stupid **** loser -
bad, horrid

and I wonder why,
why are they saying these things?
behind closed doors and in crowded hallways,
behind the fence crouched and quiet-
I am nothing to them
I'm scared of them and I wish that they were gone...
I am just nothing

i miss writing
the emotions i’ve bottled in.

i guess
when you
frequently pour them out,
nothing’s left for you to spare.

i long to be
your first cup of coffee
kissing those
sleepy eyes awake,
whilst you feel the warmth
spread through your bones.
i long to be
the reminder of home
felt with each
gentle mouthful,
now an essential part
of your daily ritual.
i long for you
to spend the day thinking
of when you might
taste me next,
leaving hints of cinnamon
and sweetness on your lips.

Save your tears for someone
who can comfort you as they fall.
Don't waste them on someone
who can't even cry for themselves.

Save your laughter for someone
who can laugh along with you.
Don't waste it on someone
who's forgotten how.

Save your bright smile for someone
who will appreciate the gesture
Don't waste it on someone
who's smile is never true

I'll give you a single piece of advice, my dear:
It would be a mistake to fall for someone
who cannot fall for you.

Things I cannot believe
My idiocy
Things I shall never achieve
O, my idiocy
Things I shall never know
O, my idiocy…

Hatred and anger
Burning flames
Things I wish not to remember
Yet never
Never will I forget…

Who am I?
I am no one
An idiot of course
A fool, so naive
A child indeed
Unorganized, I am doomed
This curse, I assumed
Would leave me, but never…

Shall I ever be released?
O never, o never,
Shall I ever be set free?
O no, o never,
Shall I see the light of day…

Do you see me?
Do you hear me?
The sorrow and woe
The sorrow and woe…

If they ever saw me
For me
Would they leave me?
Or would they feel me?
Would they lift me up,
Above the clouds,
Where they flux so freely
As a bird in flight
Across the vastness
That is my mind

Do you hear me?
Do you see me?
No, o never,
Never it goes…

O, if you could see it
O, if you could hear it
The broken melody,
The bleeding heart,
The depths it reaches to…

O never, o never,
Shall I forgive myself
O never, o never
Shall I forgive myself…

- Jay M
October 8th, 2019

Do you ever start crying
When you are reminded
Of all the pain in your past?
Have you ever given up
On the hope
It'll be okay?

Do you ever feel like I do?
Like your walking through a minefield
Of emotion
Do you ever feel
Like everything is blowing up
Right in front of you?

Do you ever get lost
In all of your struggles
And all the scars
Cut so deep?
Have you ever hit rock bottom?
Have you ever picked yourself back up?
It hurts like hell
And there's always something
That takes you back

Do you ever feel like I do?
Like your walking through a minefield
Of emotion
Do you ever feel
Like everything is blowing up
Right in front of you?

I can't see the ground below
When it comes rushing up
I only wanted enough
To get my footing back
But now I'm under attack
And I'll never get it right

Do you ever feel like I do?

My hand will forget
how to hold onto Yours
and You will slowly fall
into the unknown
forgotten land
of a broken heart’s
amnesia.

and I will remain
but You won’t.

O' you, who's been taken to mouths as hot honey,
As with great frequency as with sweet ploy -
Playing with the temperature of the air as kids' toy,
With joy that no child could easily accompany.


With the inner peace of an empty, blue lagoon -
While on the same token of an inhabited island -
With white-hot lava rolling along from the highland,
Narcotising even the highest creatures by swoon.


Might the oxygene pass its place to ecstasy,
Might the redundancy of other chemicals -
While you play with wild colours charming musicals,
So easily understandable, yet so complex, so fussy.


More of that rolling lava you fulfilled my veins with!
More of that turquoise peace in my mind!
You may try to hide your treasure, but I will find -
In any entity, any city, reality or a myth...


Please, rise me up from the greyness of the days,
Even when your greatness passed over my worldly says yet.