Seema 5h

As I close my eyes and resonate
The feelings of despair
You stand at my conscious gate
Begging for a chance to repair

Just as your thoughts take swells
In my trembling broken heart
Inner voices sympathize and tells
Now is a good time to stay apart

As my phone beeps and rings
I know it's him, going insane
Shattered dreams it brings
Now it's his time to bear the pain

My mind says "No", my heart says "Go"
Another chance to make things right
But the feelings just spills and throws
What if he plans another fight

What the heck, I'll just answer his call
Tell him, it's over and forget everything
But my bleeding heart begs to fall
Let's give another shot and forget everything...


Lessons learnt.
Mono 6h

I was happy with the presence of you by my side

I was happy that I made you smile and laugh as you would do the same

I was happy that the thought of you caring for me was great

I was happy of the time we spent alone in our own world

I was happy with you…
But could I be happy?

When you left me out starring at the open door you exited

Was I happy when someone mentioned her name and you smiled from your cheeks

Was I happy when tears came down my face secretly that you wouldn’t see

Was I happy to look at the sight of you two laughing thinking that could’ve been me…

I was happy but then she came along and it was the question was I happy with you two getting along?

I was happy, but deep down inside I’m crying out screaming

" I… WAS  happy"

tear upon the climbing highs,
rip-- bring up the 'cending lows.

this is living in your fears.

drinking through the breaking points,
a mind full of troubled pints,
there's a story within this glass,
a tale within her eyes.

hear the tale of broken glass,
beautiful in the moonlight,
like crackling indifference 'gainst
hope's warm embers of light.

claim the territory of her pain,
a force like soul-fallen rain
all in vain-- all in vain.

as she is...
she once was...

so shall she be.

so there is hope!
as once she was--

no! you cannot see?
the tale within her eyes?
the story within the glass?

so shall the rain fall,
pins and needles
pins and needles.

so shall the numbness grow.
novicane and empty bottles,
moonlight. tears.

all in vain: novicane.
all in vain: careful rain.

was she? the glass of my life?
shall she be? a tale of shattered moonshine?
am I the story, beautiful in fractured embers:
crackling indifference to hope?

so shall she be, it seems.
so shall I be in dreams:
again, under tearing seams.
broken. moonlit glassing gleams.


pins and needles.

The sweet sweet sound of silence
Echoes In my ear like a thousand church bells
on a merry Sunday morning.

The sweet sweet sound of chaos
Rings in my head like a beautiful thunderstorm
at the beginning of a wicked Armageddon

I run away fearing this is all I'll hear.
The sweet sweet mixture of silence and chaos playing on an endless loop.
I'm my mind

Like a busted radio in a locked vehicle.
Waiting to drive into a pond
With the mere hope to drown it's thoughts
In a sea of surreal music

And I hear muffled screams
Played by infinite chaotic instruments
used to create a mournful symphony
of eternal fear and pain
To shatter those delicate ears

Constantly reminding my mournful soul
that I can't live my life without hearing a fusion of both
and death

you know all his ticks and tricks
how he flips his finger from one corner to the other
banishing a train of thought
and how his eyes train in on his mark
focused, but not yet ready to confront
and when he speaks he's calm,
the calm before the storm. listen
he isn't a wonderful man with a traumatic past
he isn't broken, no, he's frozen in the years
before change became necessary
before the rain fell and he didn't feel it
and he'll tell you he's never been better
and he'll want to mean it
but you know that's not true
because when he speaks his lip twitches
you know all his ticks and tricks
he's like a switch, bat shit
crazy. but he's still yours and maybe
you can melt his frozen heart, no
you need to tear him apart

and if thats so then to tear him apart is to make him whole

I saw you,
for the first time since we parted ways.
I saw you with him and I felt at peace.
You deserve him.
He can make you smile and give you that clean slate at happiness that all my broken promises couldn't deliver.
He makes you happy.
I should let go.
I need to finally be at rest myself,
just know I'll always love you,
and never stop.
Everything I am,
everything I have
will always be yours.

My love for you is endless, every night on a blue moon ill light a candle and put it in my window, for if you ever need to find your way home, ill show you the way.

I knew, you're not mine
I knew, you had someone
I am self-awareness

But sorry,

I can't handle this feelings
I falls for you everytime I remember you
My heart's envy when you told about yours

I wasn't love you.
Perhaps I just wants to having you,
not only as friend.

Just sharing what I feel inside rn.
e 1d

it is morning
as the clouds strangle the sun
and life flows by
standard routine
for all peoples
of the world.

bones rattle against flesh,
joints stiffen into place,
the heart a dust bowl,
eyes (wild peridots of things)
all bunged up with

the bed is broken.
I am broken.

some of us
to adjust,
but for
those of us
who cannot,
who refuse,
who simply
they seize us
and try to
us in their own
as if the brunt
already wasn't
and when you're already
mutilated, they will
spurn and spit upon
you, ramming their
steel toes in
for good measure.

seventeen and already set
for the scrapheap
can't be true, surely?

but it is
and I strangely
feel ready for

9-19-17, 20:38

I tore myself open
so that you cloud see how broken I was,
And instead of running away;
You stayed.
You stayed and you healed my heart
with parts of yours.

I thought I lost the best part of me
When you walked out so easily
Now I realize that you leaving
Saved the deepest part of my sanity
You tortured my mind and made me sick
I'm fucked in the head from all your shit
I wasn't wrong to love you
No, I was wrong to stay
But I know in my heart that
You'll regret it one day

Cause you broke me down
And destroyed my heart
I gave you my all
Now I want out!
You left so long ago but
Left this curse on me
I'm finding escape
In shit I don't believe
But What else can I do
When I never fucking sleep

The years of these blades
And the gallons of poison
In no way compare
To the place you have me in
Conditioned my mind
To sensor my thoughts
Just to avoid
The brutal nights when we fought
And I was never enough
It was always the same
Even when you fucked up
I was always to blame

Cause you broke me down
And destroyed my heart
I gave you my all
Now I want out!
You left so long ago but
Left this curse on me
I'm finding escape
In shit I don't believe
But What else can I do
When I never fucking sleep

All those nights spent alone
When I needed you most
Should have been enough
To convince me to go
But no, I stayed with you
Did whatever you'd say
I became your slave
Your personal outlet every fucking dayy

FUCK YOU! For all that you did to me
FUCK YOU! For the haunting memories
They're burning my heart
And plaguing my mind
You cannot escape what you cannot unwind

You said you loved me
Bitch you don't know how to love
You only play your childish games
And run away when life gets rough

Cause you broke me down
And destroyed my heart
I gave you my all
Now I want out!
You left so long ago but
Left this curse on me
I'm finding escape
In shit I don't believe
But What else can I do
When I never fucking sleep

Something I wrote forever ago about the toxic relationship (wasteland) that was my first love.
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