When I was born, my parents loved me
They raised to be brave and happy
They taught me how to smile and to laugh
They showed me how to build a castle from just scrap
They told me all the reasons to enjoy this life
And to this day… they still don’t know the reasons why I own a knife
And I’m afraid to show them that their little grown-up princess
Holds beneath her body-castle, just a burned-down body-ruins
There’s no way explaining how I got to this
I remember flying as an angel, when suddenly I was drowning into the abyss
From the daughter that they know, there is nothing left
They don’t understand what I hold buried in my chest
And how would they, they don’t know a thing
I never told them why I started hating spring
They can’t hear the wish I make to my birthday candle
And they are blind to my invisible battle
I can’t tell them I’m depressed
And I don’t tell them that for no reason I feel constantly stressed
They can’t understand my fear and need to be alone
I hide how much I want to cut me to the bone
How do I explain why the Devil feels more reasonable than all
And that I don’t want to fly, I want to be hit by a cannonball
I can’t show anyone the mess that I become
When no one knows what I hide from
I made this image of myself
That I’m a happy innocent elf
And no one should uncover
What cannot be recovered
That deep inside
Where nothing can be eyed
Lies a broken figure of a girl
That’s mommy and daddy’s little perfect pearl
A broken jar
I fixed when fell
From a far
No one can tell
A broken heart
I tried to fix
But part by part
It all got mixed
A birds feather
I tried to catch
It blew off further
In the thorn patch
A child's cry
Weakened my soul
I went close by
His leg stuck in a hole
A set of painful eyes
Watched me through
An angel in disguise
Yes, that's true
I am quite broken
But I am strong
I am not a token
Don't take me wrong
My love is in my smile
Like a tombstone on a grave
I think for a short while
Then just smile and wave...
Words are all that I have now.
Somehow just melded into the backdrop.
Almost to tease at how I can not touch them anymore.
Connections and romances that sputtered and died out.
Seem less painful now.
But its hard to say when this numbing reality takes hold.
Things used to be..
And With each year under the belt.
The world becomes less enticing.
Shrinking the grand dream into a childish fairytale.
One that doesn't end with Happily Ever After.
But with Fin.
Its almost Ironic.
Spending ever waking moment trying to please people.
Doesn't equal a happy soul.
But making the self happy that isn't diluted with every single alteration society provides.
I have yet to see what peace is and I don't believe it takes bombs to prove a point.
In conversations or otherwise.
A slap in the face can turn heads and fracture minds.
Maybe I need to revisit myself.
Sadly there are doors even I can not open.
When all that I am.
and will be.
Is wasted on words.
I am broken.
You are too.
Everyone is broken,
but we'll make it through.
Some are only chipped,
and can be easily fixed.
Whereas others have been smashed,
and it is only with love, care and patience...
that they can be truly recovered
Some stay broken forever,
forgotten, alone and unloved.
But for some the repair just takes time,
and will be remembered, cherished, loved
and never beyond repair.
Today I let go of my fear
I said to you the hardest word to hear
I let go of my pride
I showed you a little part of me I usually hide
If I'm honest the word wasn't the hard part that was a lie
It's just that sorry is a word you don't hear very often
I suppose the reason it's so hard to hear is because we fail to understand the meaning behind the word we're complicated people we look so deap into things and in a single word I try to express a million others
I lied to you to conceal the truth
To afraid to reveal myself
I hold back he truth that I love you I remember the pain when I left you I save you from the cold reality
The reality that I am wrong for you
i wish it weren't true but I know if your to be happy I'm probably better off leaving this place
I hope one day your happy I hope I'm not wrong
I hope you accept my apology
I hope you see it simply I hope you don't understand the truth in that single word the truth that I bear on my back because if you don't I'll walk with it until I crack
Your words break my heart
and wreck my soul
I ache inside now
no longer whole
you watch me weep
stare idly by
are you amused
I'm glued to your side?
don’t say there’s no purpose
no place where we survive
has it all been a lie
is there no time to try?
I know our colors all faded
the sparkle slowly drifted away
and I watched your passion stray
as my whole world turned grey
but even after your flood up the road
signaled it was our time to go
I still pleaded for a minute more
but was harshly forced out your door
as you claim it's way too late
forced to accept the sad truth
our ride is over now
hello my days of blue
but the burning scars won’t mend
dwelling on a dark and lonely end
I’m broken, lost, and far from sane
it’s so cold here stuck in the rain
and I knew you weren't my kind
but I was blissfully blind
trapped in a wild high
where you were my love
and you were all mine
Wicked are the ways your hands caress my frame and the picture of our limbs intertwined are placed on the same wall you've pinned me on once before.
I am my own.
I belong to noone.
but when you ask me
Who's is it?
I crumble at your feet.
You scatter broken parts of me in the grooves of your mind
and the cut on my lips placed by the sharp sword of your name had never felt so good.
you don't see me.
You admire the crimson that pours from my mouth and a jealous rage ignites within me- If only my heart could keep your gaze longer than my lips ever could.
Chapped lips carry a searing burn
in memory of your scalding kisses
So thus they ache and yearn
throbbing in agonizing reminiscence
As we sought the key that might unstuck
the hallowed steel floodgates of our innocence
We found instead a stroke of bittersweet luck
in respect, I vowed to resist my own appetence
I meet you here in the overgrown tangle of garden
that once nurtured what I let fall to waste
Under the pale moonlight laden in pardon
that I beg from you as I crave another taste
Smashing my precious memories
shattering my gears
Now I beg mercy of my past self
as she caves to icy fears