I'm sick of pretending like everything's okay,
with the war going on inside my head.
I'm tired of  trying,
to be normal.
While things are falling apart.
I'm tired of hoping,
you see behind my smiles and laughter.
And just once see my broken spirit and lost soul.
I'm tired of coping,
with something I can't.
When every thought and every breath is a war,
a war I'm not winning anymore.
I'm tired of existing,
can't I just disappear.
Take a break from the loneliness and pain.
I'm tired of breathing,
when actually I'm drowning.
While everyone else around me isn't.
I'm tired of living,
when I'm already dead on the inside.
Maybe life isn't for everyone.

It's not like I chose to be like this, I don't care if you see the cuts and scars on my wrists anymore...stop asking if I'm OK, do you like it when I lie to you?

be sure to read this carefully.
you could be burned by your lightning beating heart.

the worst feeling is when you realize how deep in love you are with her. it consumes you and the only way to escape it is if you decide that it'll only make you feel more shitty than you already do.

what really hurts is the longing; that feeling or wanting to have her all to yourself, but knowing damned well that's never going to happen.

there's so much pain involved in loving uer. for a split second you think, "i am the light of her life as she is mine," but you're all wrong.

being in love is a drug that can't be cured. you crave that urge to wraps your arms around her waist and say, "i love you much more than infinity." you enjoy gazing into the cosmos known as her alluring eyes and waking up to the smell of her hair. you love to love her.

slowly but surely, you called deeper in love with her; the addiction gets worse and surprisingly enough, you overdosed on her.

however, in the end, there's no longer any love to give and you're left stranded with a broken heart and an empty soul.
D A N I 5d

Dared and took a chance to hoping you'll remain.
Anxious and broken with the same cycle all over again.
Numbness settled deep in our very souls.
Never alone but the loneliness always follows.
Years with you would finally take away the longing and pain.

Next time would be better.

(a.k.a. What You Must Have Been Thinking)

“Let's make confetti
With your little paper heart!
Smaller and smaller
Until there's nothing left to split apart.”

“Let's make confetti
And throw your feelings up in the air!
Shred it down to scraps
Until there's nothing left to tear.”

“Let's make confetti
With your diminished, pathetic soul!
Ripping up your spirit
Until we've left nothing whole.”

“Let's make confetti
With your miniscule emotions!
Leave them completely trashed
Until there's nothing left to be broken.”

“Let's make confetti
With your fragile paper heart
Punctured and torn
So your love can never restart.”


I remember the way you made me feel when our eyes collided like a supernova
heart beating aginst my ribcage  
I swear in that moment the world stopped for us.

I remember when I was craving for your love just to be close to you will satisfy my need.

But you see you broke my heart you jerk.
Face down in the night
my soul aches.
My mind disconnected.

I remember the way you looked at me when a girl twerked on your lap.
You are a stormy ocean,
crashed into me like a tide against it shore
almost drowning me.

I know you broke me purposely and I hate you for that.
But I hate myself more for still loving you.

The nights thought me the hidden language of the earth.
gnawing of unsaid words loud enough to be heard,
the day thought me that light doesn't heal
and the pain is too real.

The reality is crystal clear, it pierces through my heart
so I drink heavily
until my problem fades into oblivion.

Eyes drenched in tears
nights slept in fears
you left me here
now I'm wrecked and teared

It has been a year and I still remember the way you made me feel when our eyes met, how could I forget?
they say time heals but my feelings are as strong as the first day I met you.

After all of this, I'm still in love with you.

I’ll always have unanswered questions
The constant “What if’s” carry upon my thoughts
You left me empty, always thinking I’ll never be good enough
Why this
Why that
Why not
Why me
Am I not worthy of these answers
I wonder a lot
Like about your family, why would they do that to me
About you and your better life without me
Are you happy now?
I guess in the end that’s all I truly want
But what if we could have been
What if we will be
What if you hadn’t left
What if us

Just a few of the questions constantly running through my mind
odessa 1d

You don't even know the taste of isolation
How can you sing so deeply about death?
You've got a huge heart
How can it be so dark and quiet place?
Darling, there's one more thing I need to say
How can you make your sunshine dead,
With magical words in your head

She loved him for as long as she remembered and for her it was true love: she dreaming about him while he dreams about someone else.

You seemed to be made of glass.
One single touch, and shards of you would fall at my feet.
I remember how you thought you were transparent, fragile mass.
Even your appearance was lonely and obsolete.

I wanted to fix you,
and make you feel whole again.
To hold together your shattered pieces and make them brand new.
Though, I knew you would crack every now and then.

But like old, damaged glass never again to be sought,
You concealed yourself in the corner of a room.
Feeling too unstable to be around people who are not,
Your brittle bones continue to crumble inside your tomb.

When I glance in the mirror, I too, see demolition
I recognize the hollow face as “broken.”
I see the decaying smile due to years of repetition
Of being silent, invisible, unspoken.

I think it’s beautiful that I find you in myself
Oh, how you were decomposing,
How you were experiencing hell.
Now, I find my eyes subconsciously closing.

There are fractured remnants of you that I have found piercing through my own skin,
Any blood that has remained of you has been found in my veins.
Because you realized that in fact, nothing about yourself was shatterproof within.
And now, the only physical residue that I see of you is the reflection of my own pain.

I can feel the blood dripping from my palms to my arms
Because I’ve been carrying fragments of you that I have found in me.
As though enduring through the turbulence of self-harm,
It feels as if I am being washed away at sea.

My being is still lingering around the thought of you.
Wandering around the absent, dim light that used to refract through your eyes.
Wondering if you knew that I am broken, too.
My splintering heart has been translucent to your lies.

Yet under the surface,
I sense every single emotion that used to fulfill your soul.
And now a part of me is pondering if it is ever worth it,
And another fraction of me is wanting to feel whole.

And now, as I stare at the manifestation of you that is me,
I am afraid that I will follow your trail of shattered pieces you have left,
I am terrified that the weight of you will crush me slowly,
I am petrified that the ghost of you will leave me suppressed.

Because I can discern your cries echoing through my ears at night,
I can feel the shivering of your voice when I speak.
I hold in your longing-- that is now mine-- for my hands to shake from left to right
As I am too inhibited and meek.

I can perceive the fear that you used to possess.
The prospects of your vulnerability are scratching at the interior of my lungs,
And it’s killing me, I must confess.
Your agonizing whispers are spoken through my tongue.

But even with your broken remains lying heavy on my shoulders,
I will transform your fragility into competence.
Even with the burden of you, I will regain my composure.
I will alter your doubts into confidence.

Still, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to ignore you.
Because you surround my thoughts like a picture frame.
Because your jagged pieces have scarred me like a tattoo.
Because trying to forget you is like trying to forget my own name.

being broken
D A N I 2d

Distance of 6,670 miles,
Coversations that make time flies.

Fleeting moments; endless butterflies,
Where does the fault lies?

Petty and stupid fights,
Words that felt like lies.

Alone during long nights,
Again, tears beneath my eyes.

Never want to leave and say good bye.
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