this is music and this is music
music sounded when
I was not here when I
did not look when I did not think
about sand about desert about cacti

this is music yes this is music now
plays and does not play and plays yes
she sounds all the same when i
was still a girl she sounds all
as always when I was

when was i when was i dust
when was i say so the stars
when I was words when I was
just a restaurant or tea
or just an ordinary sheet

12.11.18

i cried ... i cried like a kid
i asked him..
why ...why in **** did he put in this
he dint replied
instead it rained...
my tears and rain mix flowing down ....
again for the last time
i looked at sky
with tears of
hate,betrayal,pain,and hurt
flowing .....and uneasiness in my heart...
i ran for hiding not form rain but from him
but little did i remember
he is one who made me and everything about
and can see anywhere he wants...
even in darkest nights and brights day...
but my ****** heart cant accept the fate
i ran to my room
closed the door and shut the lights
in the dark small little corner under my table i sat
tears rolling down ..lips murmuring....
all i can think is........."why the **** u let me live..
if i would end up like this....why dint you call me
when you where calling my mother"
i cried as much as i can....
i was tired ..frustrated and angry..
dont know when i fell asleep ....
............................................................­......
there is a sea i see
water washing my legs off
melody of sea shore
sun shining bright rays hitting face...
it was so beautiful and pleasant
i forgets a moment ago i was crying
then i noticed there is a big wave coming
it was not wave more like tsunami
i ran as fast i can .....but i hit by the wave
and was soon in water
trying to come out but cant
i closed my eyes and i know it end
all i could do is see dark now
i felt unconscious
suddenly i heard a lough
lough of small girl ....
beautiful eyes and prettiest smile
and to my surprise she was me
all my sweetest moments was playing like flash back
and hard times too
i could see my mother
caring and loving me ....
and then i see my own sisters
who dint got the love of my mother as much as i got
and i saw the small kids who dont even know
who there parents where
i felt pain a sharp pain
that i never felt
and i heard a voice telling me
"you think its unfair...
unfair just for you
then what about your sisters , what about those kids whose parents died before they open there eyes
when sorrow rain falls on you
shed i gave to hide
when there was no one you got your friends
when u need company you got your sisters
when you need love i gave
and its still unfair....??"
and suddenly my eyes shut open
i was in my room under my table
tears was in my eyes
i remaind silent for time being
i realize what i was doing was
****** and selfish of me..
when i hated him for everything
through he was helping me all way long
when i felt betrayal and pain
he was the only one who loved me
from the beginning to now
i felt sorry...and now i know
no matter what
he is always there to hold me when m falling..
thankyou got for being there
when i need you
and for loving me ....

all around green lights
plays the sea plays it
all around green lights
I'm standing at the pier
i'm standing at the door i'm standing
I stand and think again
what i am thinking and where
what i'm thinking about and
now and now and yesterday

all around green lights
all around green lights
all around them alone
oh around the green lights
endless endless
eternal and immortal
immortal and eternal lanterns
from whom not to go anywhere
never leave don't leave

10.11.18

Homeless people everywhere
People walk past, shake their heads and stare
Lonely souls roam the streets
They havnt got no food to eat

Shoes with holes
No aspirations or goals
Lying in a doorway
Trying to find a better day

Outcasts from the norm
Not willing to conform
To the drilled in way of thinking
Live theirs lives like a gamble
Like riding a boat sinking
Lifes a shamble

im not going to give you credit
and say that you are the one that
you obliterated my life
because i can do that by myself

im not going to give you fame
by saying you tortured me
because i can do it

i am going to tell you
you made me strong enough to leave
and smart enough to know when to leave

I wanted to take your hand,
And help you fly high,
But it took me long to realize,
You had no wings.
•••
I still kept trying,
Making a mess in my mind,
I won’t continue dying,
Blissful freedom I will find.
•••
You were cruel and cold toward me,
But I will surely spring free,
On my wings the whole world lies,
There the memory of you dies.
•••
I can finally breathe,
With no regrets,
I can feel the heath,
Spreading in my heart.
•••
Wounds you caused have finally healed,
Your love was never real.