~ I am a cynic and a romantic at heart. My skin hardened by experience My heart fearful of pain and trust. Many have tried to peel away my doubts and fears and try to add colour to my truth.
My truth is my reality. And with that, no one can hurt me. So stop. Please stop.
Don't look at me with eyes fascinated, eyes with pity, eyes of doubt. My heart's afraid and my mind's so convicted.
You taste sweetness from my sourness and still... you think you can heal me...? ~
This is an old poem I found in a very very old journal. Wrote it back 2014-5, wow. Looking at it now, I think I've gotten a little better, but yet, this still hits so close to home. Training the mind to be different is a lot harder than people would think. Lyn ***
Men are so funny. Well not just men but people. We as people can be filled with greed. We want everything that shines even things that don’t. If it is accessible all takers on deck. It becomes as a game it seems. That looks good let me try it out. I might not be able to afford it yet I want it anyway. Are you bills paid while you are making all of those outstanding purchases? Do you really need or just want that new pair of shoes? Do you have to have take-out every single day? Do you know how to use the stove to prepare food for yourself? All of these things are of greed and laziness. Showing a lack of appreciation for what you already have. While not taking care of what is already owned. Worst of all forgetting that times get hard and you should preserve what you have. The entire time that you had her, no she wasn’t always happy but she loved you and had your back. She self-medicated to stay afloat. To deal with the **** that you put out. While you flirted and danced with others when she was out of town. You called and texted and thought that she would not find out. You forgot her worth, yes there were times that she messed up. When you forgive it should have been forgotten. My brother you threw it in her face every chance you got. That was because she called you on your mess. You felt that she was close to blowing up your spot. She should have been the only spot that you blew up. Now she is leaving you and you are remembering what you had. She probably has a new man that treats her better. Bro you can’t get mad. You should have loved her when you had the chance. Now she is gone and you are all alone. Now you are sad wishing that you would have loved her when you had her.
I hope that things get better got you all. Treat people how you want to be treated. ...love never fails!
No one listens to me. When I say someone bothers me, don't take it lightly! By 'Bother me', I mean they disrupt my entire being. They make me want to peel my skin off; to let my anger take over. I feel like I'll explode!
It makes me so unsure of who I am, almost to where I can't control myself.