I'm alone once more,
Doesn't make it any easier,

I'm surrounded once more,
I find it better If I was alone,

They say it gets easier with time,
I've done time; Only makes it worse,

I have gotten worse,
To my family,
To my friends,
To myself,
I don't know who I am anymore,

So much has happened in this lifetime,
I don't know where it started,
At this rate I'm not sure how it'll end...

I've done it again...

The boy, age seven
Stayed behind the others -
Remained outside in waist deep snow
While his newly assigned family
plodded and stomped onto the back porch of the great house,
shaking snow and cracked ice from their matted sweaters,
Shedding their scarves, wet gloves and socks .  
Loud excited voices growing muffled and faint
until they disappeared completely into the warmth and comfort of interior rooms.

It was the boy's first winter in western New York
and he had never known such monumental silence
or seen the world disappear so completely
in snowstorm and dusk.
His cheeks burned red;
His toes and fingers grew fat and numb –
How long would it take, he wondered, for fresh snow and wind
to obliterate his footsteps completely,
leaving no evidence of the path
that had brought him there;
Until it looked as if he had just been dropped into someone's yard;
as if he had just appeared from nowhere.

Before he began to move again –
before he headed inside with the others
he smiled.
In the space between his thoughts
there was a moment of silence deeper than anything he had ever felt before.

M Rose 10h

one day
the holidays
will hurt a little less
as time halves and halves and halves until
i can't remember your name anymore.
in time i'll learn to be present
with the ones who wait to
love me, soft and
patient.

i'm not going home for thanksgiving out of sheer stubbornness and the idea of facing my family after this, a harrowing year, sounds too hard. I'm also really sick, but that feels like a bratty excuse to use. I'm trying to convince myself that I can always try again for Christmas or even next year, but there's a nagging, quiet voice in the back of my head...
Angel 11h

How can you hate when I have learned to love someone as much as I love you?
You were the one who taught me how to love in the first place.
Why does the gender of who fits my soul hurt yours so badly?
How can you look in my eyes and not find me?
I have found happiness and home in the arms of a woman and that makes me no longer your daughter.
You're ready to hand me over to the devil because I held something from you for so long.
I cannot change for you, I cannot be someone that you wish I was because the love I found is more important than the betray you have served me.
Thank you for everything but I will not tear myself apart to claim a spot in your heart.
You said your love was forever but forever doesn't exist.
I'll send you the wedding invitation, your spot will be saved.
Find it in your heart to love me again because you'll have my love forever,
i'm not so concerned with things that do not effect me.
Your home was once my home so i'll forever welcome you to mine.
a.n.F

✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍✍

Haunted whispers in lonely hours,
numerous blames to her stars,
she herself laments on her very presence,
deepening the scars!

How wide and numbered her reasons,
she is stuck in numerous dungeons.
Not yet ragged, why was she thrown?
But time gave her wings, into the kind lap she had flown!

Caressed with love, wants immersed in fear,
the wizard dropped his silent tears.
Into the enigma of 'is' and 'will',
he kept back his entire thrill.

How magnificent is she?
Eminent in my pages of heroes,
With her childish talks and endless smiles,
She made a life alive!

Once so distant, now so near,
the wizard to her is now so dear.
Together the team of dad and daughter
have planned for fears' slaughter.

The black sky is now not so dark,
numerous stars are creating the spark,
She is the very queen of the Nivecian world,
One of her districts have my flag unfurled!

Keep back the past, strive with a will,
She taught-"life is not an easy deal"!
Spank the fears, dry the tears.
Awaken the smile, live lengths of Nile!!

                              

I was in shock
I ran
I cried

I was better
I laughed
I sighed

I was angry
I yelled
I scoffed

It hurt so I cried and ran
Guess nothing really matters now
I cover my eyes as I cry again
I pushed her away as she wanted to hug me
I screamed at her and she looked hurt
I don't have the energy to care

I'm back in my safe haven
It's in the middle of a war zone
Wounds and tears staining the way
Until I realize mine looks worse
I can't bring myself to care
Can you?
I don't care

I feel hard today, time after time
I fell again and after today
Silence will ensue
Maddy 15h

A change in perspective ....
My eyes are moist
The morning unfolds
Water under tires
Swish

I long for
the dreams
The visions
The signs
clarity
connection
They have dissipated

Letting go of resistance
I see
A change in perspective ......
The lover was replaceable
The family and friend was not


-Maddy

M Rose 21h

when i reach you,
i want it to look like the day i left. gray
skies, teasing winds, the ocean roaring and
rushing louder and faster than i've ever seen.
on the boardwalk, i want to hear the
musicians play, but i'll stand by one
in particular--an old man playing an erhu
to background music emitting from a cheap speaker,
sounding like the karaoke songs my
mom would always sing along to. i hated them then, but
i'd give anything to have that back now.

when i reach you, i want you
to listen to me as i describe
how i feel when i see a mother leading her
toddling child by the hand while her husband
looks for a place to sit on the beach. i
won't be able to explain it, but i'll
cry and try my
best to make it clear that
it's love,
it's always been love,
it always will be love,
and this family of strangers is
ruining me and
sustaining me and
they'll never be the wiser.

love is an action.
love is an action.

i want to love you.
i want to love you.

when i reach you, i want you to know
i'm reaching for you, that this isn't
just happenstance, or where everyone ought to go, but
i did it for you.
i took off all my clothes. i killed all my lovers.
i did it to be close to you,
but you feel so far away.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
you have to tell me to stop reaching.

Stefan 1d

We may be on different boats,
However, we are on same ocean.
Each fighting battles,
Same battles
Different battles.

My battles?
It is my family!
It is my father,
The man I don't want to be.
It is my mother,
The woman I don't want to get acquainted with, save some things.
It is my siblings,
The person I want them to be.
It is myself,
The man I want and don't want to be.

It is my thoughts...

I try to fight "mine" battles,
I try to win my own wars.
Alas, how do I win this war when my thought is my enemies,
And my foes are my own self?

Kee 6d

“Drugs are all fun and games until you watch someone you love become someone you don’t know.”

She called her daughter a bitch today
Something she said she’d never do
She treats her boyfriend better than her child
And she can’t even see it
Her lies fly out of her mouth like it’s been recited to perfection
And I’m tired of listening to them
I wish that my mothers life wasn’t so fucked
So that my sisters could’ve had something
I wish for a lot of things
But a family is what I want the most
I wish I could tell them all how much I love them
But how do I do that
When the drugs are so strong that they can’t see past it?
When the need is so strong they’ll do anything to be high
And I know I should try and help
But how do you help someone who doesn’t want help?
How am I supposed to do all these things
When I’m only one person?
How do I tell them that their life will be shit
If they don’t pick it up and do something with it?

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