Identity found?
More like identity lost
Identity lost like a hiker
Who strayed too far from the path
But there's no tips and trick or time for that
Identity lost in useless pastimes
Running from sport to music to school
Jumping in and out of uniforms

Identity lost in those around me
Lost in the ones who try to fix me but forget the important parts
Lost in the abyss that drowns everything it touches
Identity lost like the time spent crying
After showers and looking in the mirror
Thinking of perfect but only seeing useless
Identity lost in the scars on my wrists
From my own finger nails
Digging deeper and deeper

But identity found

Found in those around me
Those who come to me look for a hug
One tight enough to pop all the tiny pieces back into place
Identity found
In the phone calls to the ones I love
Found in the lights of the stage and the darkness of the booth
Identity found
In the trails of the every day

Identity lost
But found again
Through love

Written a while ago, but still applicable.
Erin 11h

They say home is where your family is, where the 4 walls and white picket fence that surround you, indicate you are a family,
You see, beyond that perfect picket fence, my home is torn,
And walls are not my home
'cause walls are my constriction, my never-ending pain,
They are my confinement, depression, fear and isolation.
Maybe home is where the heart is, but my heart is lost.

Quick thoughts.

I'm going insane
Stuck in place with nowhere to go
And the she-devil on the way
My sanity left with the two I had
One alone and the other away for the night

So I sit and wait
Until someone saves me
From what I know will happen
Reminding myself to bite my tongue
And hold back everything

She'll be gone soon
Then you can hide from the world again
Run to your room and close the door tightly
Hopefully this will all be over soon
And someone will find you alive

I'm still in my car after the school day ends and I cry again.

It's non stop.

And I have to wait, for my brother to show up and then I can drive him home.

And not long after I start crying, he shows up.

He gets in the car and sees me in my guilt ridden, sad, apologetic state. All wrapped up in my pain.

And he tells me, "You should know that I love you."

Time stops.

My introverted brother, who rarely shows any affection towards any of our family, reached out to me in my time of need.

And God couldn't have given me a better little brother.

Despite all I've done and all the pain I've caused...

He could still say that.

And I drive us both home. Still crying, but definitely feeling a sense of hope again.

I still act as his role model most of the time.
And he listens to me.
And for a guy who doesn't talk much...
Listening is the thing he does best.

In a time of crisis, it was the introvert who finally spoke some truth.

My eyes are watery
My vision is blurred
But I see you clearly
In the fire you burn.

I can’t breath right now
And my legs cannot walk
My mind is broken
I can’t seem to talk.

The snow falls slowly
Onto my warmed up face
And I taste the sweet, sweet victory
I thought I’d never taste.

But the snow melts too quickly
Into blood it turns
My heart begins to race
In the fire I burn.

Kindly take your happiness
and go the other way
i’m really not in the mood,
I dont care what you say

I need some space,
Some time alone
So please give me a break.
I’d prefer if we shake hands
and go our separate ways.

I cut my arms
And burn my skin
All because of you.
I lost my friends
And canceled plans
All for you.
I was all alone
Without a home
'Cause you said you'd come through.
It's okay though
'Cause you're worth the suicide
And I love you.

Every time we speak
My knees grow a little bit weak
And my heart, it glows.
From your head to toes
And from your blood to your new clothes
You’re always unique.
From the moment we met
Till the moment we pass
I’ll always be by your side.
Just letting you know
‘Cause I love you so
And losing you, I would cry.


Sometimes when things get really bad,
I’ll look at a poem about my dad.
It helps to redirect my anger
Onto a person who deserves the slander
Of my depression, but he doesn’t even know
The stress that he’s put in my family’s abode.
It’s crazy how one person can cause so much stress.
You shouldn’t be the cause of this pain in my chest.
Everything that I hear coming from my sibling’s mouths
Is how much they get to go to see their other mother’s spouse
While I’m at home, questioning if I am even real.
If you could understand the painful circumstance I deal with.
I don’t even know if you exist, have I been lied to?
Is everything that I know about life a lie too?
Cause I can lie too. But I’m not like you.
I know I can’t run away, so I sit and cry for you.
These eyes have seen too much blood, sweat and tears
To have to back down. I’m finally working towards my career.
If I get famous, and you hear my name, loud in the news,
Will you recognize that your first daughter has grown up dude?
Probably not. You’ll be too busy drinking beer.
You probably living off some lady, you don’t even care.
You probably hopping house to house, looking for a place to sleep.
You probably haven’t realized that there’s nothing left of me.
You know what…
I’m so done with your bull and all the pain.
Ever since you left before I even had a brain
We’ve had problems
And I’ve solved them
Without any help and without a father
I’m always running
From all of the fire that’s chasing me down.
I can’t touch the ground.
It’s too far away and I’m scared now.
I’m scared, wow.
And you do not care. Ow...

I hate her.
I hate her with all my heart I can’t stand
To see her face it makes me cringe
Every time she walks my
Fingers want desperately to curl around
Her neck and just
Feel her pulse against my palm as she
Starts to faint and lose her breath she
Begins to cry and I can’t help but smile
Seeing me hurt her just as much as
She hurt me with a knife to my back
Bullshit if you think i’ll just
Forgive you after you
Act like such a fucking whore and
Break your promise i squeeze
Harder and harder, my grasp
Around her neck gaining strength as
Anger fills my veins, the thick red paint of
Pure hatred fuels my heart and my head
Gives me only one single command that
Makes me laugh out loud
I am insanely intoxicated with a
Deep paroxysm and I cannot
Stop myself from laughing so giddily
I am smiling as the life fades from her eyes
And my fingers begin to lose their tight grip
And my laughter begins slacken
And my head begins to rid itself of the dark cloud
That once consumed my entire being
And i look at the whore i have asphyxiated
And i smile
I am happy
I am at peace.

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