The absence of a beat,
an empty seat
dust covered clothes;
a fight concerning who's valued most.
Who is entitled to this or that?
Meanwhile the lawyer stares at his watch.
Little Jenny asks for grandpa,
the room is a sudden quiet
and the temperature drops
and the apple on the desk continues to rot.

under one roof
were the dreams,
was the beginning
when love was in bloom
under one roof
we loved and lived,
we touched and kissed,
we laughed with kids
under one roof
but then we strayed
from the dreams we saw
the boundaries we laid
under one roof
but we try to compromise
even when love dies
and the worse times arrive
under one roof
and I may have wronged
but I still long
to have a strong bond
under one roof
so please for our family's sake
the future of kids is at skate
let us happily stay
under one roof

© Ali Ashraf

It's a phrase I often playfully use to describe my ***** self.
("Were you ever?"my beloved Alison uniformly says in jest).
But now it seems unusually apt in another way:
As I swann around this empty house, the decor, the photos, the ornaments and old perfume bottles overwhelm me.
My head is brimming with memories as I glance past these fragments of our shared lives.
My loss is palpable and yet inescapable under this roof.
She surrounds us on the walls all, hanging over us with her beaming smile amidst family photos.
I want to escape but I can't:
In a mad way I want to believe that something of these relics around us can bring her back somehow.
She did after all carry something of the old Irish paganism with her.
But, no, this ancient shamanism is sadly absent in a room drowned out by every token of Catholicism you can think of.
It's all too much for this first born to take and yet she is still here in the tiny gaps of these precious artefacts.  
Hidden away where you can't see her.
So, no, being honest right now - I'm not quite straight yet.
The head and heart will realign soon but not with this gnawingly painful grief.
Pray for me.

You didn't really think of anyone else,
but who am I supposed to blame?
Yeah, you may not find fame,
you may not really smile,
and I know that with this
****'s only growing for us.

I can feel fire with the knot in my throat,
when he says I should not have my own thoughts and opinions,
especially not in these conditions,
cause I know you gotta escape.

Yeah, ****'s about to get so much worse,
and I am about to get so much more terse,
but it's for you so I hope this pays off.

See her nestle the baby in her arms
Hold him close to her *****
Tears down her face
As she hears his mouth smacking on her
She looks beyond the sky
Mutters, "Thank you"
This is a man of promise
This is a man of hope
This is a man that will carry the torch of life to the next age

See her nestling in the embrace of her beloved
Hold her as a tree's shadow holds the grass of the ground
His eyes upon the baby he begot
As his vision penetrates his darling's soft flowing hair
He looks beyond the sky
Utters, "Our Lord has given us an arrow"
"Let me be your bow,
And Your glory we shall show
To nations we shall go
In Your body we shall grow"

See their eyes close
As the rain pours
Storms surge
Wing roars
Waves purge
As the lightning strikes
Thunder claps
Wolves bite
Ravens flap
As the jet fighters rip through the sky
As the helicopters project a deep sigh
As all the rockets and bullets fly
As all the radio transmissions die
See their eyes close

In peace.

Twisting the cap off that first beer;
Always the best but made so much better by
Sounds of Purple Rain,
And those you hold most dear
Talking about
Music and food and
Times in their youth.
The crickets cheer as we
Reminisce in the 'here
And now'-
Relaxed smiles
Clear the skies as
Night falls, whilst
Stars appear;
Lightly dappled on the ground.

I don’t think about you anymore
at least I thought I didn’t
until I was holding his hand
and my finger stroked his thumb
feeling  around for the mole you have
then I realised that his hands aren’t yours.

I miss that mole.

- Leah