i love space.
i don't know all the constellations,
nor do i know all the moons
but i do know that
i love space.

you remind me of space.
but i know all the constellations,
the sun kissed freckles that dance along your cheeks,
and i know all the moons
the sparks that make your personality shine bright
i love space.

i love nature.
i don't know all the plants,
nor do i know how to tell what is poisonous,
but i do know that
i love nature.

you remind me of nature.
but i know all the plants,
which seeds to cherish to make your heart grow,
and i know what's poisonous,
i will not mention your family
i love nature.

i love you.
i do not know how to mend your broken heart,
nor do i know how to mend my own
but i do know that
i love you.

- i'm sorry it took me so long to say it

The black shawl like quality
Of the nothingness
Wraps itself around everything.
A constant emptiness
That makes all full.
Its veins run blue
And gold and scarlet
And every hue between,
It dies as it arises.

The nothingness embraces all,
Easily, it encases me.
In everything and anything.
And that which I lack
I supplement with hope.
A chain mail lie linked
With fragile expectations
Of love and other drugs,
Other falsifications.


This tapestry holds whispers,
Secrets and blueprints
To all of creation.
Globes of dying light
That crash in the dark.
But alas I can see
It's stars are not cross'd
For me [cue tears],
I fear my script is lost.

Perhaps when the dopamine
Corrodes and rots my brain,
My soul will take the reins.
Connected to the cosmos
It tells me everything,
But yea, it shows me nothing
Except tantalising flashes
Of what could be,
In its swirls of red and azure.

i just gotta put this out there,
don't wanna put myself out there:
and you are so distant, there's a six foot ruler between us,
and to you that far is too close
and close isn't close enough to me.
and i was lonely until i met you
and you let me in after all the persuasion --
i don't wanna be a loner,
i don't wanna be alone.
close this space, this distance, this difference.

i can't make myself happy
when i can't get off this chair
too anxious to stop crying
silently hating my stare

my face is so goddam ugly
i'm shaking, i'm trying to stop
nothing could ever console me
this dark and familiar spot

depression that grabs me is all too familiar
i'm crippled and tired, too tired to care

a few pills will save me from cutting my body
again and again i'll make myself sleep
it's always been there, this darkness and crying
but now i know that it's better to sleep

because it escalates to rage and seeing spots
and punching holes in the wall and filling holes from inside with
alcohol and cigarettes and petting my pride

my egotistical mind that thinks that if i look good
at least i have that, and that's one thing i have

so i spend hours in front of the mirror painting my face and doing my hair and fucking hating my face, my shitty stare

if i look long enough i see myself change and no longer am i fragile, i'm filling that space
where i can't hurt i  just harm and push everyone away
it's harder to ache and to look at my face
than it is to get cold and harder to touch and harder to shove

and i can't replace my face with anyone else's
so i better make it perfect
keep on going and try to calm down
keep myself busy and play music loud

so typical.
it's a cycle.
i'm trying.
still breathing.

Nothingness:
Nothing,
Non-Existence,
Infinite, Eternal black space stretching out
Beyond imagination.

Yet even Nothing is a Something
That Exists.
Even Nothing could create
The Big Bang.

Everywhere we look
Subatomic particles wink and blink
Into Being
Then vanish
To reappear.

We are never stable
Ever changing
In tune
With mathematical equations.

The wonder of it all.
Force, energy, matter
Incredible piles of rock
And clouds of gas.
Supersuns and bottomless black holes.
All indifferent to the fact of their own existence
Until Life appears
Perhaps inevitably
With minds to witness
These incredible happenings
That happen
Until the end of time
If time can end.

Paul Butters

Consider what to cease
With a view to increase
That margin needed to keep
Your essential level of peace

Maintain a healthy fringe
Rather than pack each inch
With no room to breathe
When circumstances pinch
 
Protect rest on your pillow
And the rest will follow
Make enough space
For more of your mellow

Why do we crave so many things
though they leave us unsatisfied
and send us out again for ephemeral
seconds of vanishing gratification?

Is it an absence of essential qualities
that makes us feel unfinished?
Do we indeed believe that more is better,
restlessly chasing for the shiniest of all?

We seem to be obsessed with filling
all the empty spaces in our house of life
with things
barely a place left for ourselves
to comfortably lounge and contemplate
and
    maybe
find the missing elements
waiting
    to be found
    within
and not without

MARTIN LANDAU HAS PASSED AWAY
THIS TAPE WILL SELF DESTRUCT
HE WAS THE ORIGINAL ETHAN HAWK
WHEN DISGUISES WERE A MUST


WHEN SPACE TRAVEL WAS IN THE FUTURE
WE HAD SPACE 1999
MARTIN LANDAU WAS THE LEAD
A GREAT ACTOR OF HIS TIME



LIVE LONG AND PROSPER SPOK USE TO SAY
LANDAU TURNED THIS ROLE DOWN
ONLY IF HE KNEW WHAT STAR TREK WOULD BE
A CULT FOLLOWING AND SO PROFOUND.