three hundred and sixty four days
i still feel every effect of your choice.
after two days,
i stopped existing to you
the way you still existed to me.
in my head, that wasn't how it was meant to go,
but one week made me come to you
with a broken voice
to ask you
"things just changed, you just changed, you're acting like a *****."
"I'd rather be with anyone but you right now."
"I'd **** her."
three weeks, or four,
enough to make me see the malice within you.
my hatred was built
from humiliation and anger,
raised from a truth i never asked to hear.
"i had to think of someone else to.."
i should not have let you finish.
i should have hit you then and there.
but you finished, and i hit you.
i screamed and screamed and screamed and swore i would never let you touch me again.
i let blood fall from my wrists,
before i started to build myself back up.
one month made me stronger, as i laughed and danced my way
and it was over,
aided by friendly lips and familiar kisses,
i became who i am today
still torn apart by your choices,
but a little bit tougher despite.
3 months sent you back to me,
strength to keep promises
never being my forte.
5 months made me repeat all my pain with
at least he had the ***** to fess up to how he felt.
7 months and a word was introduced to my character
a title i refuse to hold
and refuse to speak because
it is not true.
so now we sit here.
after eleven months and 30 days,
after fifty two weeks,
with me scared that this weekend will make you leave me
and next week will be the same **** it was last year.
there's so much you need to hear from me,
so much i have to do,
but i don't have the courage,
or the ability to force it from my head.
because of you
and these fifty two weeks.
honestly, this can't convey how much i have been through this last year. i have been shaped into a new person because of these experiences, however i do wish they had never happened. there was more to what i said and what he said, but i hate thinking about it for obvious reasons. i just thought this much had to be said.