Helena 2h
I crave fire
My chest ignites the flame
The desire to burn
What belongs to me; My life
My feet carry me through the flames
A flame for every regret
Every prayer that went out my mouth
Just to fall at my feet
I will pour gasoline on every floor board
And wipe the dust of the footsteps
Of the people that stood still
I will turn my pain into a pile of ashes
And cradle it in my hands
To feel what it is to hold my pain
Instead of letting it hold me
I will let the light of the fire guide me out of the shambles
And to a place where my name exist only in my head
Where the smoke that will paint the sky
Will come out of my lungs
And the flames that swallowed the sorrow
Will flicker in my eyes
You call yourself fire but you are the water that quenches my flames
You are the dirt that snuffs out the coals
And Buries me.
And the dust that coats my throat
Until I’m choking
And coughing up the coals
I swallowed
Trying to keep the flames alive

But it worked
And they are still flickering inside me.
Keeping me alive

Because I am fire.
But only for myself.
Though I’m sure I have left a few flames in my wake.
I wonder I they’re licking at you
Threatening to swallow you?
I hope instead
you take them as a lend
Bottle them up
In your darkest hour
And until my light, I’ve left in you,
Flickers out,
I hope you let those flames
Left in my wake
light your way.
Swells Oct 2017
i am deficient and undergrown
beating battered fists into every word
that made me sink too low.
i took the breath that would turn me blue
and gripped like a mad man
onto all the threads i thought
might have been attached to you.

i built churches and mosques
out of matchsticks and glue
but not even bringing them to flame
could summon you
and among the pyres rescinding
were the prayers i left in the hands
of the faith that left me too.

and litanies shook their teeth at me
and bellies bellowed and growled
while my fingers grew numb and faltered
under empty words and drivel
in a world that was always too loud.
among tongues sprouting with jargon
where the ties bled at the cut

i no longer knelt at your crown.
Swells Jun 9
how far have i gone
to collect these uncomfortable bones
whose aching shakes in my skin
like a hungry hound tied to an empty home.

how many blues have i sown
and harvested from each vein
that failed to bleed red, but screamed
"what are you going to gain?"
and crumbled instead.

how many homes have i burned
that nursed me from fetus in my mind
taking stock of careful crutches
while choking on the smoke
in my lies.

how many words have rotted
and blackened like berries on my tongue
that left the god grown belly trembling for
mercy, and the heart begging
"when is it going to be enough?"
Swells Jul 6
the bones were hard to give up,
they pushed out like daisies
caressed under the hounding
heat of a copper sun.
unbridled and undried they bore
zealous arrogance of themselves,
petals dripping vulgar convictions
and vibrating like awful angels.

under cruel devices they tried to
soften my bones and mold thick skull
constructed of lackluster candles
on their last flame.
days passed like doctors and white nurses
examining old wires that pray tell
the routines, the stools, the teeth.
i am their Jesus, their Lazarus.

my hearse, my sheep keeper,
my pretty things,
i become the acrobat at the
finale, the last supper,
supplementing at the teat of my
recovery. i lay my skin down for all
of you to see:  here is my breast!
my toad belly!  my glass feet!
Swells Jul 3
i plunder through swollen sky,
cursed by the air surrounding,
coddled and heated at the pyre
with a stale fist to the stomach
like a sacrificial cow before a feast;
i gather at the table and dine
with serpents at the altar
before the King.

scraped from the plate,
cast into a sack,
and handed 209 pills
i become the Queen of Blue
enrobed in hospital-white flesh
commanding Father to kiss at my feet;
i grow tired of these things and
let the stagnancy seep.

my memoirs crown like
multifaceted gems emerging
from a fatherless Mother
gripped at the neck by some
heretic proclaiming about prodigy
and the people applaud at my feat;
i shake hands with the devil
and go back to sleep.

i slumber across the Atlantic
where i can hear your voice
breaking at the shores, calling
for a revelation in me,
oh!  for the love of God--!
the current worries and swallows
me whole like a crook in need
of a baptizing.
she walks in
everyone turns
and gazes in silence
she has power
and wears it exquisitely
you have what it takes
already
you don't need to change anything
deep down in your soul
there's a strength so beautiful
just waiting to come out
be brave
be courageous
you will achieve the greatness you desire
kiana 2d
every second feels like an hour
and every hour feels like a minute
every life I live is temporary
but temporary feels infinite
Being but men
what softness know we
tough it up
suck it in
let out not a peep

what do we know
of gentle
and fair

fear to be fair
how can it be fair
rip out your heart
strip your chest bare

Tender soul
what do you know
of grit
and glory
yet you make me whole

my river's run dry
eyes that can't cry
I need you so
help me to grow

being but (a) man
a softness I seek
hold me close
lie me still
let me be meek
Not confidant with the last line but wanted to post anyway
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