Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

Not many believed, they lose faith fast
Not even I dreamt how long I’d last
They said it had ended when the stone was cast
But I showed you all I could, because I never gave up on me.

Oh how the pain burned
Slow like seasons turned
And to give up I yearned
But I showed you strength, because I never gave up on me.

With silent tears I struggled on
My only hope she now was gone
From above her light shone
I showed her I was grateful, because I never gave up on me.

Lying in bed
Listening to sounds I dread
Screams of a child and loved ones who cry
There are too many miles to go why can’t I just die.
My skin is sore
From the needles I bore
The drugs I take
They make me ache
I’m tired of fighting let’s end this bid,
oh why can’t I just be a normal kid?
I’d show myself and I’d show you all
That I made it through with my back against the wall
Because I never gave up on me.

In size and in strength may you never judge me
I won that battle because I had faith in me
There is so much more that you can’t see
And I showed you all, because I never gave up on me.

Walking down the hall without that horrid IV
No words can do justice to how I feel so free,
I one so small have conquered that roaring “C”
And showed you all I can, because I never gave up on me.

You left me broken.

Because of you I judged myself a little harder.

Reasons you loved me were now the things I wanted to change.

Out of all things, you used my vulnerabilities against me.

Kindness was used as a weakness, but you were too. My love was taken for granted.

Even though I still loved you for a while afterwards i finally realized my worth.

Not only was i broken, but i was growing. And the new me was glowing. And the part of my life without you i just couldn't wait to show it. My confidence was my new strength and I had you to thank.

All because you left me.

There was a time I came late and walked into a class of ten,
while the rest were down for recess.
I had just gotten pills for anxiety and mild depression from a doctor I just met.
And in that moment, in the class, I just wanted to be held.
But you didn't see me, you were laughing at the back with a friend.

I couldn't contain my feelings so I turned around and tried to run,
but two steps out of the classroom, I fell on my knees and simply broke down.
The pain was so bad, I tried to stop it, but I couldn't.
It was stabbing at my chest and my tears were rolling down.

But a group of girls came around and they put their arms around me.
All I remember was wanting to scream, I was gasping for air.
They carried me up and walked me back into the class of only ten.
The cold air in the room just made everything worse.
Then again my tears rolled down but this time you saw the mess.
I looked up at your face, pushed people away and I ran.

I slammed the door of the cubicle, fell once again on my knees.
Then I heard the footsteps of people running, followed by the banging against the door.
They were asking the obvious; if I was doing okay.
Even a fool would know that was not what I needed.

I got out of the space after all of them left,
To look into the mirror at my swollen face and what a mess I turned into.
My eyes were red, and my heart was throbbing and I felt a fever coming on.
My ponytail a mess, my hands were shaking and I was still gasping for air.

I walked out like that, as everything was hard to bear.
And at the corner, you were there.
It hurt me so much cause you were staring, you saw for the first time just how weak I was.
But what you said didn't help, like the rest, "Are you okay?".

I was going to open up and tell you everything I was going through in hope that you could help me.
But I lied, and instead, said my grand was in her dying days.
I broke down once again at the words I just let out and fell into the arms of the person I just lied to.

I just wished you had held me without saying a word,
and gave me that warmth that I needed cause I felt so cold.
It was bad, it was so so painful
and if by chance you come to read this, now you know.

My hearts a pool of acid
My tears are shards of glass
I sit in the darkness
As time goes flying past.
I watch in silence
I can't breathe
As my world collapses
Was it all just make-believe?
A series of lies?
Lies I told myself
Were they your design?
Was this the plan?
Manipulate my mind
And twist my soul
So when you were done
I was no longer whole?
A shadow of who I was
A specter in my life
Floating through the cacophony
The despair
I'm Drowning now
Drown in the waves of regret
Waves of words unsaid.
To the bottom of this sea
A place with no air and nothing to touch or see
Was it me or you?
The one who took the leap
Or the one that fell?
I remember
Though you may not
A time of love
A time of friendship
But before I knew it
You were gone
Sand through my fingers
Only a recent all too painful past.
My souls' sister
It ended all so fast
Fading like a dream
You dissolve into fading memories
Your back to me, You walk into the abyss
Disappearing and soon,
You're gone
Gone is the laughter
The joy and love
Apathy remains
I wear it as a mask
To hide my secret pain
The truth of my misery
No solace to be gained
My shouts go unheard
The bridge begins to crumble
I can't speak a word.
The tears fall unbidden
I cannot stem the flow
I collapse down in agony
As I'm forced to watch you go
Come back to me
I beg you not leave
You watch my tears
with passive eyes unstrained
You know my pain
but you make no sound
No movement.
Did I mean so little?
Cast aside without a thought
I see now why
The answers that I sought
Lay before me glowing pale in the dark
Help me I plead the shadows
They cover me in a blanket of silence
Quieting my rampaging thoughts
I hear no sound
Feel no sensation or pain
All is still...
Have I disappeared?
Faded into nothing?
I feel no pain
No Tears
No joy
No bliss
No dark thoughts to plague my mind
My souls' sister I see it now
My life without you
Cutting through the inky black
Bright and pure
Full of fire and life
To fight the shadows you had brought
I face the light
I am stronger now
And I'm ready to fight

when you get
over someone
with time
you see clearly
why that lover
was better left
as a memory.

it is an
achievement
to remain soft
in this world
to absorb
to feel
to bend
but never break.

I couldn’t help but notice the concern on your face
As I loosed my hands to fall from grace
Into the flames
That lapped at your feet.
You warned me this was hell, those scabs and sores
From the fire,
But not your sore hands on the boiled rung
Nor your dry eyes or crowd you’re among
Nor the dense developments that seem so dire
I let go, anyway
And scattered my life like seeds
Straight into the vacuous winds
To grow elsewhere
And fall into everything
In the face of the fire regime.
The pain was real, you saw me writhing
Through the smoke;
What you didn’t hear was my laughter
And your name through my lips
As I called up from a field of molded rye
What the forests had to tell
And that we’ve been here on various trips.
Do you forget why you hang over the fire?
Dry your tongue from nonsense and spit?
Declare your freedom from pain and it?
It’s the safest you’ve ever been
To fear without guessing and calling it sin
From ashes a forest rises not asking for repentance
For life, we thank what death has lent us.