Grey 2h
Trauma isn’t pretty.

She wakes up at three am with short breaths and panic in her chest.
my skin is covered with the marks of my own creation,
and I am afraid of them.
She is too.
Cause those marks show what I am actually, truly, capable of.
I am a creature of mass destruction,
made of fire
and iron and
sharp knives.
Kawehi : Part Four


I breathe in your music to me whole;
I’m letting go of falling away.
Poptastic!  No such thing as plastic inside my heart-shaped soul.
I fill it with your songs and my reality is now a happier place.


Help me; I’m locked up on the inside.
Help me; to let love complete me and show me what I have lost.
Help me; I need to find my heart a home in which it can happily reside.
You help me, get me closer to God.


Time drifts away as I listen to your sounds;
Funky dancer, pink guitar; leave me here to fall.
I cannot be lifted because I am happy to stay down,
But listening to Kawehi raises my heart and I can rise once more.


I see a Sia Chandelier song by Kawehi,
As I stay here watching YouTube;
1,2,3 and I am silenced, by your silence…
Speechless you leave me because I am lost inside of your light.
Beauty sounds like you; in a woman with a guitar I could confide.


Secretly, love does not like me,
But with a woman like you I could try once more;
Unfortunately, there are no others like you, for you are unique.
An empty wish; a lying dream.  All I have is worth nought;
But I can listen to you whenever I want to, so I can still find peace.


Iamkawehi.  You are somebody that I would like to know;
But we have never met and we never will, I guess.
Still here I sit with a smile on my face at home,
Because if love sounds like this,
Then hopefully I can find my own music-minded muse to kiss.


Real garage music; connect the numbered dots.
I am happy ever after I have found this place to be happy.
I could write you a thousand poems so easily,
But I just can’t write a song;
So I experience music through your eyes and I love what I see.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
I am to blame.


I am to blame for all I have done.
I cannot blame you for the fallen sun.
The rain is not dependent on your independence.
I am to blame for you being gone.


I am to blame for never thinking of you enough.
I am to blame for never loving you truly.
I am to blame; I should have been good.
I am to blame;
You can see right through me.


I have worn a mask to disguise my reflection in the mirror.
It is time to remove the mask;
It is time to see clearer.
The man in the mirror is not a ghost, he is me.
I am to blame for everything.


I am to blame for never changing,
Into what you needed me to be.
I am to blame for you leaving.
I am to blame.
I have to see.
I can no longer blame you,
Because you chose to leave me.


(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Believe.

Believe.

Be.

Live.

Vile.

Lie.


When I think too much, I break things down. And sometimes, I think it is better to leave it as it is.
weirdness today
23
From poets, to writers of song, to numerology
Fascination has bestowed the number twenty-three
To some newly disarrayed decree.

"How soon hath Time, the subtle thief of youth,
Stol'n on his wing my three-and-twentieth year!"

"You had yet to hit twenty-three,
An age that would swallow you-
This is a new side of you-
So full of fear." *


I cannot recollect a time so difficult
As the bootstraps wore down from
Leather to a single thread.
No longer did I pull myself up,
Twenty-three; The age in which I should be dead.
No subtle glints; Only laboured hints of panting breaths.
Sighing from tired regrets.

A story sewn into my skin.
Where lonely threads are left awry.
A face with the map of the world.
My sigh; once panting, now a cry.
Of help? For help? Good will;
Is it squandered, or squirreled?
Twenty-three.
* First quotation is from John Milton's Sonnet 7
** Second quotation is from Empire! Empire! (I was a lonely estate)'s song How To Make Love Stay
For a moment it went back to normal
Chatting about nothing
Laughing about stupid little things
But that moment was brief
I know why you’ve dropped me
You’re covering up your girlfriend with
“Sorry girl... I’ve been busy lately”
I hope you’re happy and I wish you well
But I’ve noticed I’m not the only friend you threw
I suspect the decision was more hers than yours
I wonder how long it can truly last being with someone who doesn’t trust you
I hope she doesn’t hurt you
I hope you know I’ll always be a friend to you
You made me feel
open to a possibility of comfort
(health security peace privateness)
the things written in vows, letters from far away,
in whispers under hazy morning sunlight,
those kind of moments I wish I could keep
hold of and only with you.
I suppose there will always be a part of me that will wait for you in doorways
Stepping over the threshold
Hesitating
Contemplating
Looking back
Then moving forward
Each time the pause becoming less
Underneath the stairwells of bookstores

I will search for your face in the crowds
And for your footsteps along the shorelines
I will feel your presence in places we used to visit
Perhaps this may never stop

For you were woven into my life as a piece of the fabric
A part of who I was
A force in who I was going to be
You were a friend that I expected for always
Someone to grow alongside myself

But then you turned your head and shut your eyes
Seduced by the promise of a remedy for your lovelessness
A body to temper the loneliness
Leaving me to search for your face through caverns of fog
And wondering why I am so often a second thought for you

I used to be angry
But that potency is fading with time
And someday you will be a memory

Yet in this subsiding bitterness I shall keep your secrets safe
The secrets that drip from your lips and waver in your eyes
You are different than me though, love
And I shall find peace in the comfort that mine were never yours to know
frankie 19h
with each word that you speak to me
i am blindsided with a false reality
that there is still and us and we never ceased to be
but then i am reminded that those words that drip from the lips i once kissed
are from a platonic tongue that i do not want to know just yet
i’m still clinging onto a dialectic of romance that had kissed after each syllable and made my heart melt with each phrase
this change in language i cannot accept and it hurts too much to be exposed
Charlie 1d
That intense pain we caused Eachother
Not of flesh but
Soul
Day after day
Night after night
Fighting
Arguing
Loving
Hating
Loving
Hating
Then it stopped.
No more arguing
No more fighting
No more hating
And yet somehow I miss it?
How?
How can I miss the awful times we went through?
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