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you’re confusing me

if “now” you say “is the truth”

what was it before
James 7h
In the quiet ache of loss,
I find fragments of myself,
Scattered like petals in the wind,
Yearning to be whole again
FS-30 5d
When you took your last breath
It’s like I took mine too
How am I supposed to live
Without you?
I swear I-I never wanted to trap a butterfly

It's all my fault
shards of ceramic scattered in disarray
It's so surreal
scattered soil, cautious footsteps
an unsettling sight, distorted situation
The roots' exposed

I have no right to cry
After all
I broke your heart
didn't I?

I tried to get past the past, but
all I know is loss
all I do is grieve
All I hear is ambient noise
Ringing through my head
all I know is violence
all I do is parkour

And avoid the feeling

Checked out
found the exit
and chose
To grieve you today
Cause I can't bare the thought of losing you sometime down the road
When you hate me
And regret me
and we'll be screaming about all your wasted time

I can't be what you want me to be
And I know I'm not what you need
I don't know the girl in your head
But I know she's a concept I can't complete
And you can't handle the girl I am

I swear I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

Please, believe me
I swear it wasn't my intention
I didn't mean anything by it
I only wanted to escape
For a moment
See all the colors before I go blind
No worries, no responsibilities
Fill my lungs at the top of the world

Running through
crowded places
And you grab my hand
before
I
get
hit
by
speeding
cars

I don't understand
how did you get me laughing

It must've been the caffeine
For a moment
the geranium almost thrived

Now I'm too old to be
Drinking alone at noon
Pretty pink drinks
As pretty as Dianthus in spring  
Is that what you meant
When you were explaining your feelings?

Well, the bartender is adorable
But I can't bare to look at brown eyes full of pity
Like they can see right through me

I swear I-I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

So I leave
And
Speeding
cars
are
honking
loud and angry
almost hit me
Hilarious
If only
then I could
finally escape
and I can
finally feel...
Nevermind
It doesn't matter

Poison slips into the cracks and crevices
Under the skin
Down the throat
Into the lungs
Behind the ribs
Irreversible structural damage
nectar of dissolution
Dissolve the heart

You know who you are

I swear I never wanted to **** a butterfly

Venus flytrap
dead friends on the mantelpiece
to scripture over our lives
salivate and dictate from the sidelines
        - as i grow a family -
they become hidden behind a build up
                            of favourite greeting cards
                  too pretty to let go of
Dear lord,
Lead me away.
Hurt still greets me
In the hours of day.
My loss of love
Was extraordinary pain.
And all that’s left is
Your ghostly remains.
Still breathing
But gave up trying
Heart still beating
Though I feel I've lost my life
Living proof grief hits harder than dying

I don't want to stop trying
And yes, I'd love to stop crying
'Cause life can be so deflating
I spot the gleem of the razor edge
And it looks so inviting

I stole this pale horse I'm riding
Death defying
Wrath and vengeance shouldn't be so enticing
What will it take to get my life back?
Hell, was it ever mine?
I'm...
I'm having trouble remembering

©2024
I blame my parents for being afraid
for teaching me every sharp edge of the world
and learning I might never be safe

I blame my parents for being lonely
for missing people I never had
and I know will never hold me

I blame my parents for the sleepless nights
for wondering if I will ever get it right
or one day wish I could go back in time

I blame my parents
because they are my parents
and I can blame them
for who I turned out to be

But when they are gone
and all I have are memories
I’ll just blame them
for leaving me.
Lou left!

It was an unexpected cataclysm;
A rogue wave in my face;
A flapping jib in the lightning;
A broken string
As I began Yesterday.

Today, I read his life's history,
His likes and loves.
I will replace that string,
And finish the song.
Before I forget,
Before too long;
For I was his mate
In many a storm.
Lou Spizziri: 1951-2024
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