i heard you missed me so i went to the cemetery
to see other dead and forgotten things
plastic flowers haphazardly placed in front of tombstones
the lettering worn away from time and weather
my feelings are more delicate than time so they have withered more
we always talked about going on a date to the graveyard
i fell in love with a worn heart shaped tomb stone with "loner" engraved
my fingers brush over it now and the attachment i have to it grows fonder
you killed me and here i am
among the other things i hold dear
knives in my throat when you said goodbye, my blood coughed up at your feet
i reached for your hand. instead of my blooding neck, priorities in check
i went home with a box of tissues trying to mend my wounds
but now the only remanence of you is a faded taste on my lips
you were writing letters to the god of love but i was in love with the patron saint of disaster,
you

it burns like hell
and damnation feels familiar,
there's intimacy in the mistakes we made
and love in our failures
and i wish it was easy to stop caring
damn, it used to be,
it sure as fuck used to be
but here we are

so you can call him all the pretty names
that used to belong to me
and you can shower her with affection
the way you used to do with me

it takes two to tango, or
so the saying goes
so perhaps it's time to start
moving, revising my steps
and i can improvise into my solo

it burns like hell
but that's something i'm used to,
and there's intimacy in all the ways
you've lied and lied and hurt me;
love in our failures
that lingers like a determined scar
so, yes, you can replace me
i can replace you, too
turn that scar into another tattoo so
maybe i can come to love
the pain you left behind

I went outside today and wandered along  the quiet edge of your life where the  sunshines Rays dance across your body, whilst flickering through leaves of trees
on and off like light off a disco ball,
we quietly surrendered to ourselves,
To the emptiness of being broken,
You are As loud as water pouring down from heaven forever, your departure
Drowned out thunder and deleted the sound of stone crumbling beneath the ground
As the angry earth grinds it's teeth,
You are.
gone.

I am.

I do not know where here is
But...
I've screwed the bulb back into
Socket in the bathroom..
I have been resurrected
because I can look myself in the eyes
Again when I look in the mirror,
And tonight
every light in the apartment is on.

tomorrow's thanksgiving,
i've been trying to avoid
thinking about this day
for weeks.

i've lodged the thought of
it out of my head,
i've buried it away
but i can no longer
avoid it.

i don't want to
stare at an empty
place at the table.

four plates,
four forks,
four spoons,
four knives,
four glasses,
instead of five.

having to fill the silence
with questions about
school and post-grad life,
to steer the topic away
from how empty and sad
we feel without you.

at some points,
seven months
feels the same
as one.

time physically passes by,
and the next thing i know,
it's been seven months
rather than three.

it feels subjective to me,
i've been waiting for time
to mend me and my
hurting heart
but the day hasn't
come.

living with the loss
of you will always
sting,
even if it's just a bit.

i will stare at
the empty place
tomorrow and wonder
why you had to be taken
from me.

i give thanks for the 21
years i had with you
but they'll never feel like
enough.

do they celebrate
thanksgiving in heaven?

Thanksgiving - give thanks
For all that's been taken away
Family; year after year
I hate this holiday

Molly Nicole May 13

I'm not sure what it is about that one spot on Five Mile Rd.
that gets me every time
We used to go on walks
I'm not even sure if this is where we would walk every time
But if I'm being honest
I only remember a few of our walks

I'm not sure what it is about that one spot in Dillard's
with the one smell
that takes me back to that one spot on Five Mile

I don't remember the things you said
just the way things made me feel
My feet flying under me just happy to be outside
the kind bus driver thinking I was chasing him had to be waved on by you
multiple times

I'm not sure what it is about willow trees
I don't even know how many times we made those bracelets out of their limbs
but the ones that I still have are my strongest earthly possessions

I'm not sure what it is about the Starbucks where I last saw you alive
and a year later in the parking lot found out you were dead
I'm not sure why I never went and saw you
With reminders of your presence all around town I felt that you were always with me
Until one day you weren't

I still turn my head at the smell of a pipe like yours
I still turn my head at scruffy beards on bikes
I still turn my head at the best damn family dinner I will ever have at Flying Pie  

I am so sorry that when I turned my head at Starbucks

I didn't say goodbye

I stare at you
To my eyes you are foreign
You've changed so much
I have finally forgotten
Who you used to be

Years in the making
Yet days in the breaking
You've finally faded away

Time has come between us
Too many days you spent
Angrily humming out a tune of broken friendship
Too long you leant on a discord
Letting closeness lose its grip

My photographs are the only reminder
That you weren't always this way
This moment I see a stranger
A different person everyday
But in them I see my friend
It's in the memories she stays

Heather 10h

It's lovely to imagine a man with a long white beard
Who sits with omnipresent black eyes
And watches us
The way a father watches his daughter on a swing set in a quiet playpark
With concern and affection
It makes me feel less afraid
To imagine that somebody outside the bubble atmosphere
Protecting

Yet if there is somebody watching over us
I don't understand how could he
Build so many great wonders
And still not save you and me

In which my inner cynic takes the wheel
Dakota 15h

i swore i’d stop writing about you
three poems ago. i swore i’d stop
hurting myself but i’m bleeding again.
i swore i’d move on and not look back
but i almost called you last night.
i never swore i’d delete your number.

where did you go?
what drove you away from
late nights smoking in my room?
you’d always play my guitar.
but only knew the beginnings
to most songs; i still
tried to sing along.

i’ve been drinking again and
it’s not your fault. rum washes
away the scars you left and
keeps me from thinking
about all the flaws you
could have been running from.

i’m hanging up this line for good.

I remember being a young boy
who was afraid of stormy days,
I knew that a sudden gust of wind
could come and take you away.

I promised that I would never let go
and to keep you within my sight,
but I didn't give you the freedom to soar
and often pulled too tight;

so one autumn day, you broke away,
I stood outside until spring,
but the boy who went out that windy day
became a man holding onto a string.

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