In my heart and soul,
I know she is there.
I feel her breath
In the Winter air.
Birds tweet outside
Near gardens we wet.
Watering flowers
With tears of upset.
'But don't fret',
You said,
Upon our bed.
'My time is short,
I must live instead'.
'Embrace this life,
It's not over yet'.
'For I rather live
Than die in regret'.

As do I,
My darling,
You have lived till your end.
As your words are something
I'll always commend.

It was never going to take long
For the world to show us it’s colour
What was once blue and green
Just gets duller.

I look up to the sky
Are you really there?
Or are you around me?
Are you everywhere?
Near or far
I just know
I want to be
Wherever you are.

If time is a healer
Why has nothing changed?
I feel the pain of your loss
Like it happened yesterday.
If time is a healer
Why does it feel worse?
Another day without you
On this lonely earth.
Time is not a healer.
When you took your last breath
The clock stopped ticking
The very moment you left.

How many times have
We each said that
One to another,
You to me
And me to you,
Just a word and yet
A whole sentence,
Entire paragraphs on occasion,
Hey hello,
Hey how's it going?
Hey, I have missed you
And I love you
And I am so very very glad
We are in one another's lives
Because it, and this, and we
Are precious,

And although you in your mood
And anger and self-righteous
ADHD infused rage
May never say hey to me
Again in this life,
Even though soon
If not already
Your strop will thaw
And your softness return but
Stay painted in a corner
Against the risk of finding love,
Although you only see the ****** bits
And focus on anything but those
Truly great memories we have,
Despite all that
I am am still here,
And despite verse two I am still
Standing here,

And I am still saying

HEY

Can you hear?

it's judgment day
and i'm answering
for every sin

each time my heart
beat for you
took a notch off my life
my chances of salvation
cannot be salvaged
yet i'm still frantically
digging in the dirt
to find you

the pain is agonizing
so i numb it with
falsetto dreams
and broken windows
because i don't wanna
see the world anymore

i scream into my pillow
the very one you laid your
head down on next to me
living an imperfect existence
we played royalty and
i was your princess

those nights
we held on to each other
like the world was ending
and kissed as if it were
our last goodbye
every time

every time

well...

it's judgment day
no stone is left unturned
i knew they would come for us
pitchforks and fiery stakes
piercing our core
tearing us apart

apologetic forgiveness
to the Powers that be
i beg for second chance
sacrificing my place
in your arms
to save your heart

Isn't it odd,
How one person's absence
Can tear across your soul like ripples?
Gaining speed with each passing moment,
Momentum,
Turning that fragment of my heart you stole
Into a tsunami.

The wound you left
It's long since healed
I know this,
I claim this,
In the face of that mighty wave
As if my claims, my words, my facts
Can stop the oncoming torrent of water.

It has been three Tuesdays since I lost you.
I will never forget seeing you, just lying there.
I went to our regular coffee shop, at the regular time.
For the second week in a row I ordered both our drinks.

It has been nine Saturdays since I lost you.
The drugstore called yesterday and said your medicine needed to be picked up.
I picked it up.

It has been seven episodes of that show you like, since I lost you.
Most of the things on the DVR are yours.
I’m just not ready to delete them. It’s the little things.
I don’t think I can just yet.

It is the first Thanksgiving since I lost you.
Dinner at my parents was nice, but no one mentioned you.
I canceled Christmas with your parents.
They said they understood.

It has been twenty-two Sunday walks in the park since I lost you.
More than once, my friends told me it is time to pick up and move on.
What is so important about moving on? I lost someone I love.

It has been dozens of mornings waking up and not seeing you asleep.
You are more than someone I wanted to spend my life with.
You were a comfort, a constant, a habit.

It has been five months since I have heard you tell me you love me,
and the memory is starting to fade. I can’t lose it too.

It has been one hundred seventy-four days, sixteen hours, and twenty-one minutes since I lost you.
To him.