You wake up and look at the mirror
Only to see something you despise
Just a human you do not like
You reject the sight, turn away from yourself

You can't help but notice
Details, seemingly little things but still
You sense only aversion, only disgust
You can't help but hate what you are

In tears you hit the wall
Out of pain and breath you stop
You think
You remember that you matter

Only now do you recall
Out there someone loves you,
Whatever your allure, your look,
As long as you are being your true self
Kellin Aug 11
I am so mad at myself
I want to smack my brain across its face
The thoughts I think are so absurd
my hopes are higher than the stars
This must be why
I often find myself
Crashing down
With such
Great
Force.
Alaina Moore Aug 6
I'm starting to think it's me.
Maybe I ask to much,
though, admittedly,
maybe's it's because
I don't know what I am asking for?
I am starting to think, it's me.
Maybe I am the problem.
Or maybe that's just the voice in my head,
like a vice,
crushing any minor thing,
like an atom,
until it splits with the force of a thousand suns.
Or maybe it's everything else,
me included.
Maybe I just say it's me,
because I am my biggest bully,
and easiest target.
I thought I was asking for simple things,
but nothing seems simple anymore.
I just want these ropes untied from my hands.
Trapped in my own mind like a hostage,
who doesn't care if they make it out.
There is no greener grass on the other side,
I just wish this grass wasn't wet.
Sticking to me like feathers and tar.
I'm starting to think that I am just coasting along,
waiting for someone to help me fix my boat.
Juno Aug 3
i stare at the person in front of me in the morning.
tell them i hate them.
tell them they're ugly.
too fat.
too thin.
they're disgusting.
a disgrace to the human race.
worthless.
asking for it.
i stare at the person in front of me in the evening.
stare at the cool glass,
and she cries out
please,
you've got to be kinder to me.
learn to love the person in the mirror, they have never wronged you.
In the question of reassurance.
The single solemn response cannot always end with one that causes
the most anxiety.
The involvement of social media, random dm's, the arrangement of severed ties mended with one thing in mind.
For these reasons insecurity deepens.
Eventually things fall apart.
It's not always about opening your mouth.
There are other ways to be vocal.
Silence becomes deafening.
Defeating the purpose of awareness.
Tempers quickly raise and often the things that aren't meant to be said come out.
Echoing the loudest.
Petty arguments, the excuses that lead us into the messages we're quick to hide.
Despite how much time we've invested, the easiest thing to do is walk away.
Anxiety becoming the fear that pushes us the furthest into ourselves.
It's not always easy.
Opening up,
vocalizing a single woe that begins the journey of a thousand,
if not more.
If forced, we too begin to shut down and contemplate the single best thing.
Being seen as selfish, self-centered.
Quick burst that justifies wrongful intent with one that's right.
It's all about support.
Care & understanding.
The saving grace that bonds the realization that either of us are perfect.
That there are deeper issues at hand that seep far beyond. 
the way we see ourselves, whether we are too big.
Too small, the things we find often too late, said behind our back.

outside of everything else do you truly understand the quality of reassurance.

the equivalent to the moment everything seems to come crashing down.

The times any slight movement brings us down the most.

Equally we both seek the same.

The response reflects the moment.
To defy standard and move to something meaningful.
At a point, the question deserves an answer.

Going in one ear, quickly coming out the other.

To vocalize seemingly in one direction unless the role is reversed
Dia dhuit Jul 31
10,000 steps a day,
In hopes that maybe there is a way for me
To be healthy
And get skinny
Simultaneously.
I do it to avoid
The feeling that I'm not worthy
Of anything other than pain, but of course
My mind always goes back to the way it was before
When i finish the 3 hours of non stop pacing.
I don't know why,
But I keep thinking
That maybe if I burned extra calories,
I can be like a normal 13 year old girl
And eat as much as I want.
But of course,
It never happens.
I eat and I feel extremely guilty.
I hurt so badly because I thought I thought I could be normal
Crying hysterically,
Burning my skin,
Wishing I could take another 10,000 steps.
Scavenger by very nature,
     And nuisance to those
     Who’d judge and propose
Only pessimism of this creature.

Though troublesome, in a sense,
     To instinct it’s bound,
     And blame confounds—
For its entirety mere innocence.

Lions, though great and proud, it aids—
     For in its small size
     And its meekness lies
True intent and respect others evade.

Despite the slightness it commands
     The large elephant
     Is fearful and can’t
Overcome what it doesn’t understand.

Viewed as disgusting, vile and weak
     Though when the time comes
     And all others run
I’ll scurry on, stand proudly, and squeak.
Amber Jul 28
as the light keys
of the piano
drift smoothly
and swiftly
across my fingers
i played
as the melody sings
the piano keys
seemed heavier by the second
as i played softer and softer
the voice became louder and louder
the melody disrupted
Amanda Jul 26
Exhausted from rapid obsessing
All I feel is aggressive doubt
To darkest hidden corners
My mind, heart, it flows throughout.

Deepest wounds make a home
Between buried thoughts in brain
Bleeding steady streams of uncertainty
I show nobody my pain.

Stomach knotted tight with effort
I wait for someone to notice
Difference in how I speak
I am in the background, something's amiss.

I am shouting "help!" with a silent mouth
In this world colors do not belong
Wondering why I overthink each  action
And why feelings persistently steer me wrong.

Get attatched very easily
To  the coldest, wicked, damaging touch
Let guys I fell for destroy soft parts
Denied truth because I loved so much

Pretty sure there is something wrong with me
A mutation somewhere in DNA
It's like no matter how great life is going
Somehow everything still appears grey.

Transparent, see right through my skin
Walking through crowds alone
Dreaming of better days
Harboring thoughts I own.

Long to travel far from here
Can't sleep with all this stress
My mind my biggest enemy
Memory I can't evict or put to rest.

Mistakes coursing through blood
Screaming to get on the right track
Frightened I am not capable of succeeding
Failures precariously balanced in a stack.

Images as clear as the instant they occurred
Until eyes distort edges, greatly exaggerate
Have to write to distract accelerating thoughts
Words and stanzas my reliable escape.

Always there whenever, wherever I am at
My brain a dangerous nest
Sometimes the ideas I overanalyze
Become tangled and knotted then manifest.

Wishing to be a better person
My value I cannot comprehend
Instead focus solely on flaws
Insecurity never seems to end.
I'm insecure, but what do I have to be secure about?
Amanda Jul 23
Her bones are breaking
Under the weight of heavy
Insecurities
They weigh a ton
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