Before the sun starts to rise, before the world awakes. In the stillness of mornings quiet thats where you'll find the pain. Pain of things that you regret, pain of days gone past. But the worse pain of them all, the pain of choices you can't take back. The things you missed while you were high. The memories you didnt make. The little voice at 4 am, you never heard saying "Mommy, are you awake?" The guilt of never being there, through a feverish night. The longing for being the only one, who would make everything alright. You wish that it was you at night who scared the monsters away, and got cuddles in the mornings. Every single day. On quiet mornings you wonder what, would be happening right then. If you weren't a drug addict? How much noise would there have been? You think of how you would go back in time if only you could. You wouldn't do the things you'd done. Instead you'd do what you knew you should. But the past is past now, and your choices were made. So now you sit on silent mornings with nothing but the pain. And the knowledge that both your kids, call somebody else mom, and how its all your fault because you know exactly where you went wrong.
I'm forced to dam the tears A practice made perfect through the rough years Not because I don't care Not because I can't care Not because I don't want you to know they're always right there But because if I let them begin to pour I can't convince myself I could stop them anymore There's a nonzero chance I could be crying for years Long past the pain and far beyond the fears So I **** the tears
If I gave you all my air Along with every single moment I could spare If I exposed my everything, choosing both truth and dare And encouraged you to take more than your fare share If I were to wear my heart on my sleeve and allow you to rip and tear If I gave you an entire life, without a care Offered to carry both of our crosses to bare While letting you name the time and place and going straight there No argument here, I swear If I submit before warfare and declare you ringmaster If I kept the days I don't tell you exactly what you want to hear rare And was able to turn a blind eye to every extracurricular love affair Cause, ya know, buyer beware If I pretend I'm not fully aware that you rather not be here That you just take joy in being the puppeteer If I could manage all that would you even care? ...could I ever consider it sincere?
We are all hiding something aren't we? Let's be fair From the moment we wake and look in that mirror We rush to change what we first see there All we do is spin our little lies **** in that gut, Color that hair, Twist off that wedding ring, Pretend to not care And why not? What's the penalty? What are the consequences, really? All is forgiven when you start usin' the phrase "I'm only human" But what if the cruel hand of fate twists you into something different then what you've been? Into that undesirable other Who, if anyone, will forgive you then?