What role do I play
In another's story?
A good sidekick,
Or someone plain negative
Or the annoying one
Or I even there worth mentioning
So caught up to sail my own story
To venture towards the dreamed glory
Pages after pages of my internal struggle
With so many people
Given an abrupt role
But the same monotone, so very dull
No sense of an ending,
no up time, no down time
My life mingled with others
Filled with their parts biased
With my less than real heroics
Just reaching to my emotional peaks
Making others less important
The atmosphere haunts
My life, the pen writes
The story full of bites.
Alone center-stage I stand at the mic
Overwhelmed by the fear I tremble in fright
Words form in my mind but my lips will not speak
Desperately I feign strength so they do not see me as meek
Stumbling and bumbling through the words as I go
Laughing nervously from those in the know
Was I willed upon stage or did I go willingly?
Clouded with ambiguity it’s not easy to see
Its origins mean nothing, in the end it’s the same
Alone here I stand a self-given gift of pain
In an attempt to head off what I thought was inevitable
Self-fulfilling the prophecy by creating the show
The court jester for all, my payment in laughs
I disgrace and degrade making myself the ass
The lies that are told are like boomerangs thrown
I cast them about but returning back home
For me all along they were created in my mind
Distractions and shields for the situation in which I find
I am in only because I have put myself here
A little coercion on their part touching my fear
Cast in the production of our never ending show
The same horse in a carousel, round and round we go
No matter how much I try, I am given the same part
Mutually we agree without words spoken like art
Different personas I practice along with new lines
Reciting new words while simultaneously I bind
Myself to the old, the familiar, the known
Without conscious or thought this role I will hone
I am ever perfecting my place in the play
Outer shell running chaotically but inside this path I’ll stay
Recreating the same story it’s ending well known
A failure. A loser. A man without home
Satan himself could not create a better Hell
Diving head first into the fire that I know so well
I try to pull at the wheel but the tires stay straight
Guiding me into my inevitable fate
I can stand up and fight or go with the flow
But no level of resistance will change this show
So I put on a smile sitting in the hand-basket
What seemed like comedy is a play that is tragic
Slow ride into the black pond
Soot and root echo ruin
Slinging forth pain
She has gone away with the withering dawn
Stopping her silent withdraw
Sucking fruit with Dawson
Reaping hay in the October harvest
Rings form in her irises
Roles are switched
Rudely drawn wings spring out
Reminding the angels
Dunes of gold build up along the ridges
Dried lips soften and rehydrate
Dropping lifeless skin
Divine curvatures are left exposed
Driven off the warm host
Dying in a lonely place
What if I'm sick of it?
What if I'm sick of the role you have so eloquently written for me?
What can I do if you are obsessed with colouring in the lines while I yearn to draw outside of them?
What if I go off script and say something foolish, dumb -stupid even.
What if I want to let go of it?
Let go of the loneliness that accompanies the burden of being perfect.
What if you realise that the higher you set your expectations for me, the further you will fall.
I am not ready to carry that responsibility.
I am not ready to be perfect.
A manager's role
in the process
out of the blue
it would come to me
A manager's role
in brief how it looks
sort out time,
manage other people
along with solving problems
of mine as well as others.
A character it is,
to carry out & lead
and figuring out
how it is supposed to be!
Too many thoughts can drag you down,
Smiling is allowed,
Hard times can test your faith,
Oh, melodrama of the grace,
The world is, indeed a stage,
As a famous bard did say,
But thoughts have a positive role,
Solutions appear to guys and dolls,
So, plebs, sit down and have a rest,
Positive ideas are creation's best!