I felt my self mix and fold equal portions, of opposing selves, a mix and fold of savoury and sweet dark and light crunchy and smooth intrigue and delight until the hit of my self doubt eventually cloaked the savour of self knowledge creating a disturbing after taste. Surely not me? And the bread and wine was handed to me.
let go of dreams that aren’t serving you let go of dreams that will never come true you’re still sitting sobbing in your room to songs you were crying to at 14 and what the **** is growth anyway? doesn’t pain throb the same at any age? why hang on to possibilities when the potentiality of everything is right there in front of you? shut up, you stupid *****: you’re brilliant I love you I will keep on loving you until you figure out what’s going on here who you are is not all you will be and I love you you’re mine what else could I do?
I had forgotten how it feels to be touched by you You left my heart broken and mind askew The longingness to see you For eternity and eternally, or just seconds, few I, henceforth remained unbothered and sad, Even in a gala milieu! You came back by a whisker and feelings, see through And asked me to gather something new and old , something borrowed and blue I felt some jitters and saw love inked hues I felt so lost when it should've been good in lieu Then one day you woke up and away you flew You told me it's over, out of love, you grew I then remembered how it feels to be hurt by the cruel, I then learnt, love leaves you unscathed and glad, if true And seems precious than any material, money or jewel You will find it in the world, first find it in YOU.
Self love is the most important kind of love that you can begin with...the rest will follow itself :)
i make my travel reseeding you my dear heart into a compact unit of storage
i relieve from our nesting comfort dismiss our established downey base of cooperation cleave from our snared compromise
instead to bed and thieve an unshared atmosphere guilty joy followed by joyful normality no stale thing
unravelling light lifted (secure that I've a capsule world when i turn toward our lap again)
goodbye of you i am mended made completely free on the first turn of a corner
& Hers :
you leave me on your travels (you-were-my-travels) you leave me susceptible my heart alters to become a weak permeable tissue of easy tamper membership structure is dissolved returned to the vital spill welcome fluent contamination villainess and godless vibration of the goddess confession
dress hooked up past my waist i'll power-**** away my morality on day one each day following shall be made easy ushered along in brutalities slip steam and the prom of eddies
back in time i've been working on something.. i'll call it The ****** List criminal joys and tasks of double self daring committed (not folded over or veloped in the knicker drawer) it operates as a basking lurk tucked discreetly correct behind the eye a charm feature of the unconscious when released it's something melkish and larking with energy tacking harm to my activated mischief kinetic value and uncontrollable spur
in your absence i am permissionless abyssless i account for nothing
nooks of the apartment the memory of us quickly forms a ***** coral i've stopped washing to suit this mode my body, a journal of stains and earned bruises i holla and bay at mementoes of our brace and then stop at the near point of the neighbours tolerance
time has crushed in on its own thesis become gummy and tenseless skipping about in haphazard spasms backstep, bow and reversal now observably organic in motion and proud of its many personalities
Oh, You're Back Again ! no, it is your ghost is it a spy ? ... i doubt you knew you even had it it threads in and out of my company seeming baffled and far from its comfort zone did i put you there ? i don't call you the physical you because you said 'no phones' and 'only in emergencies' (is-this-urgent ?) Is This Urgent ?! i restrict where i live in here keep the windows widowed and veiled it makes for an unreal canvas i'm weeding for a correction sensual precarious highs violate in a spate with this time alone i'll make our home a vile space a defication and i can make no sense assessment of it any i fight against digestion within these premises i stay still long enough i am softened and palped by a dense atmosphere and salivations of contact and outside..
the streets are exhausted and i've quite the nasty reputation violence, baiting and thievery inebriation and toxic language i shall soon be policed no doubt i've lost my job for now our place is a dare for vandals when i am an insensible heap and perspiring over you in delirium they devalue the exterior
unearthing i'll find my creative sprite that is good i had missed it now this is urgent (this-is-mine-was-always) i take up a notebook and puke it full i take sticks in my mitt and scrawl my charcoal visions the blood visions the primal mud on all our walls
can i piece back our home by your return ? can I sufficiently correct the blurring history I've smutted ? do i care to ? no more fading into 'partner' lease is up you'll not find me here destroyed or waiting naked but an apron with my hands cupped and mouth open i'll have ravelled myself up tight - having stoked my inhuman malady - i'll mate my own travels