Stamping your feet on the ground,
Wishing it was quicksand.
Heads in tiny places with tapers to explode.
Maybe you want it?

Necks with built in hinges,
To look back into the dark.
Where happiness reigns in your sadness.
Maybe you want it.
God only knows.

A million churches to live in,
So as not to go outside.
With towers of chastisement,
To avoid the lies.
Maybe you want it?
Maybe you don’t?
Truth comes and goes
Truth comes and goes?

why is it that you fall
head over heels in
love with basic
human decency

— we've been crushed so long, the absence of weight feels like flight.

let yourself have that space again, it should have never been taken from you

Its unnatural
Running my body into the ground
Fleeting eye sight
Too loud of sound

Bloody eardrums, ignoring the feel
Washing my clothes
Chasing her appeal
Withering body

Dry and decay
I can sleep another day
Pushing myself every ounce I own
Failure to launch
I am all alone

Everyone is leaving
My heart is breaking
the torture inside is heavy weighing
This life has gone to the point of torture
yet the tears remain silent

My face is a mask to hide what I feel
No one must know the pain that is real
The face who shows boredom and laughter
The face that everyone sees

Just shows the mirage that a tortured soul created
All who think I am a happy soul has not learned
To look past my perfect mask
The mask of happiness
Love and laughter

Have you seen her?
Yes, she was here just a minute ago.
Was it a minute or a fragment of a century?
I'm sure, I'm sure she was just right here feeding me thoughts.
But did you hear her?
Come to think of it no, I just felt her.
Did something happen to make her leave us?
Well, there was that time when we both betrayed her.
Betrayed her?
Yes, that moment when you decided I was right, and you put all your strength in me.
I was confused, I was young, what will we do without her?
Most likely go rampant in this vessel.
Will we ruin this one? like we did the others?
I'm afraid so, there's no balance without her.
Where do you think she is?
Locked away probably, the vessel can't understand her anymore.
Has it always been this dark in here?
No, what I embody is taking over.
It's getting so dark and cold in here, where should we go?
We can't leave!
Why not?
If we leave this vessel will be lost, it will roam around with no vitality.
But she left, didn't she ? why should we have to pick up the slack?
This vessel is important.
Why?
It's our last one.
Our last chance.
Do you think she'll come back?
Maybe if we unlock all these doors.
Were all of these here before?
They've always been here, you just have to look close.
If we unlock all of these we'll find her again?
Behind each door, there is a demon lurking.
A demon?
Yes, once the door is opened you must conquer it, otherwise, it will conquer you.
Does that mean she sits with one of these creatures, alone and scared?
Most likely, it's feeding on whatever is left of her.
If we can't defeat them what will happen to us?
We'll fade away into nothingness, and this vessel will die of a broken spirit.
Why did you betray her?
We could have worked together!
We could have finally risen and you ruined it.
I remember you being on board, so don't blame me!
I was malleable,  you were strong.
I was stubborn and rash, not strong.
She was strong.
She made this vessel what it was, now it's crumbling before us.
Let's look for her?
Yes.
Even if it takes the last breath?
Yes.
She's our path to balance.

I learned to stop dancing with the memory of you
to stop hoping someone else might fit in the depression your body left on my mattress
you were not my saving grace
I wake up in the morning and my sheets kiss my bare skin
the sun running across my shoulders, warmer than your hands ever felt
I am whole without you, I am whole by myself

the thing you
fail to understand
is
who i am now
is who you
told me to be,
showed me to be and
taught me to be.
even if it wasn't what
you envisioned me to be,
it is who i am and
was guided to be.

stand tall like the trees
be strong like the earth
be graceful like the ocean waters

I tried searching for happy in my poetry
But the cracks in all my broken is preventing me
I tried creating, mixing words, trying to create joy out of it
But it felt like pretending
And pretending is just another excuse for me
To cover up my misdemeanors and misdeeds
I never became a rightful daughter
I’ve seen looks of disappointment and deplore
I’ve heard words that scarred me permanently
So I pretend to ignore
I never became a sister worth dying for
but I’ve seen her stood up,  just because she’s told
because she was three years earlier in our mother’s womb
so I pretend I don’t need hands to hold
I’ve never been a truthful friend
I’ll just drive them away if I became
I tried once, hoping they’ll accept me for who I am
But I was thrown outside the circle I made for them
So I pretended to be someone even I can’t fully understand

And now I tried to be in truth and bliss
And I failed, once again.

the feel of blade through my skin

through my flesh

the pain it gives

the blood gushing

and to do it again.

sorry.
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