i loved a boy with soft lips but i felt a certain emptiness in his kiss
his mouth was made of roses
but his tongue was like the thorns underneath them
he tells all of his friends that the pain he caused me was not on purpose
but why do i see so much purpose in this pain
he'll ruin anything for the sake of another sad song
another romanticized line about something that never should have happened to begin with
he'll shatter the glass of every window his hands have ever stained
i wanted to be an open window
i wanted to let the light in
i let him trace over my patterns but i felt more ruined than anything
i thought i was a stained glass window
but i am the temple
and this is a holy place

My poetry is open and bare on the examination table
While my brain falls into place in the exsanguination cradle
Pieces fit together like a monster from the old world fables
Set up to disassociate the Kanes from the Ables

We're all meant to die
There's no harm in asking why
Self harm, drugs left in the arms, premeditation, self incrimination
It won't matter when we're stitched up in a Y

Theres hidden meanings in every line
A chance to put aside all the woes and keep feelings burning inside
When things are on the decline
I can write down facts and theories
Like self investigation as to why I'm feeling weary
No Overbearing intoxication here just a rough cut heart of ice melting due to overheating and slipping liquidation

What's better on a Monday than some nihilism

Some spend all of eternity looking for someone to have and to hold though it may seem irrational those who learn to love themselves have the happiest souls. I mean maybe it's meant to be to experience yourself as one entity and someone right eventually will come along.

Really working on self love. I honestly hate saying that because I feel selfish in a sense, but I need to take the time to find myself trutly.
nica 22h

The doctor said, "Your heart is pounding"
I know it too well coz I can't stop thinking
Negative thoughts conquered me like they always do
Fear of the unknown that is soon to be known
A minute or two is a matter of life and death
And waiting for the "sentence" is worst than any threat
The doctor looks calm, the exact opposite of me
She wrote down something I can't see
As she turned on the page
which seems like ages
I pray
for the first time in a long while
I pray
And the doctor said, "You're good to go, just take your meds and get some rest"
What a relief, my second lease on life may mean to live it to the fullest.

Esther 1d

Let this taste last you a second longer,
Roll it out of each bud and into another
As the flavour dissipates, remember,
You have ingested more of yourself
Than you have of any other lover;
Your eternal loneliness is self-sufficient,
Flavourful, nutritious, delicious… etc. etc.
Indulge in the phantom of your lasting selves.

Yesterday I loved you
And the day before too
But the last time you loved me was about a year or two
You had the eyes of the ocean
The perfect color blue
And it's funny because now that blue is always my mood
Your soul just soaked into mine like the sea
And now everywhere I look you're all I can see
I'm begging you to just let my love free
I'm begging you to just set me free
Because yesterday I loved you
And the day before too
But when you set me free
All I have is to love me

I've been down in the Sticks
yes, I do, from time to time
I'm not slow, but not that quick
a place of vice, and crime

A Skull of little virtue
bones hard, and ultimate, inured
long out, past the curfew
things I'm unable, to procure

Searching self, peering through
knowing deep, in heart and soul
not all the things I thought, or knew
only all the feelings, of an absorbed, and selfish.....fool

Isn't it always about me?
In this society, you'd think it would be :|.......................sadly

In one facet I shouldn't complain  
In the right light I'm relatively sane
Like a prism broke down exposed and laid out
You see the dark in contrast surrounds
The image is muddled with two thoughts of mind
Strokes of different intentions,Where colors cross lines
Are the outcomes the same to all those who view this?
Some get up close and others keep distance
Some see the whole and others the strokes
If to only see what they're seeing I hope.

How you see yourself
How others see you
How you want to be seen
Malak S 4d

I soar through the lonely, night sky in search of myself
I seem so out of place,
As if my eyes are not mine
My lips,
My hair,
My skin,
Do not resemble what I've learned to become accustomed to
The reflection in the mirror is of someone who I do not recognize and I am unsure as to how I introduce myself.
Do I say my name in hopes of her liking it?
Do I hug her and let her know that all her baggage is just as welcomed as she is?
Or do I cast her out,
As an intruder and beg her not to come back?
She calls out to me in my dreams & it's so hard to make sense of everything that slips out of her tongue and graces her lips.
I make out a couple of words and I think she's asking me to save her.
Luckily for her, I'm the first person that's aiming to do so.

Trying to look for myself

(could have, should have)
darling when will you realize
that you cannot own time
that you can set clocks but
you can't control the rate
at which the arms will move
that time is not of this earth
that time never listens to anybody
it is its own mistress
doesn't want anything to do
with us and yet it's the most
important thing we have
carved itself into the velvet
of the universe
and made a home for itself
always seems to morph
into someone you love -
there's always the right time
always not enough time
always time and time and time
(could have, should have)
my darling time
is the repetition of the seasons
how everything changes but is
still the same
how we seem to stretch into our bones
but still feel how we did
my darling
sinks its teeth into our
could haves and should haves
feeding off the things
we wish we did
the things we wish
we could do differently
becomes our enemy
until we realize
that although it
will never listen to us
it will let us in
if we just let it.

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