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Jackie 4d
Do you still keep all the parts of me I gave to you?
Or will they be forever lost?
Your memory of me drawn to abstraction
My name a generalized jumble of blame
The love you didn’t want I now lack
Is it lost in there?
Cemented in your thick skull?
Does the fire ignited between us now only exist as a shadow?
Does it haunt you like it’s absence haunts me?
I exist as a figment of your imagination
Whatever truth you choose to believe
Am I still in there?
Still human?
Sometimes the war wounds on my mind can
**** up all the oxygen in a room
And suffocate all bystanders in its perimeter
But I’ll also drain my own lungs if it meant
The people I love won’t starve for air
I’ll fight in their battles even if it costs me my war
I know my heart takes patience
And time to get your bearings
But I also know I’m worth it.
Because my scars never grazed my ability to light up a night sky with nothing but a smile
My kindness and warmth towards even total strangers could never be squandered
My cleverness, my humor,
My unyielding resilience
The way I’m unapologetically myself
Without a care in the world of others’ perceptions
These are feats that shouldn’t be wasted on
someone who only looks at
my faults and shortcomings
And sees me as a walking inconvenience
Broken beyond repair
When I could be cherished by someone who
won’t bolt at the first dull rumble of thunder
But who will weather stormy days with me
And knows it’s worthwhile once the sun’s radiant beams peek through the clouds
Someone who deserves me
Not who deserves to lose me.
swe Nov 24
ive fallen out of love.
ive slaughtered an innocent bird that has settled into my hands by nothing short of grace
ive lynched a light and suffocated it into an oppressive darkness
ive fallen out of love.
i dont care if i have to drain out the hemorrhage youve set in
it does not matter to me if its rare or beautiful
if youre a thrashing  typhoon in my lungs,
an atelectasis will naturally expel you
i fell out of love, and there's nothing for me but to exorcise you
Here I lie,
Sweetly by your side.
Hands intertwined ,
Melting in your eyes.

Can we stop and
Stay?
Life is content
When I feel safe.

My mind hushed
By your gentle touch.
Wishing the fire
Would hold our gaze.

Cosy and rosy,
Delicately dozing.
My eyes drift,
Closing for the day.

But in the midst of night,
I wake with a fright.
The chair,
Half empty.

For you have left me.
Francis Nov 20
I see you,
Uh-huh, I see you,
I see right through you,
I see you.

I see your desperation,
Your attempts to keep me wanting,
You,
Everything about you,
I see you.

I see you turning older, on the outside,
More mature, like a sophisticated riveter,
But you’re still a talentless shrew,
Daddy’s little princess,
Without the ability to drive forward,
I see you.

I see you for what you are,
I see you for what you always have been,
Always will be,
Always fail to be,
I see you.

I see you rubbing my face in dirt,
I see you trying so hard to be mean,
Independent,
Free of me,
I see you.

I see that all of that would be okay,
If I didn’t see how you still care,
I see that you still care,
I see you.

I see that if your attempts to move on,
were to help yourself,
Not to hurt me,
That’d be fine,
But I see through you,
I see you.

I see that you are better off,
I see that I’m well on my way,
I see that if you had any courage at all,
You’d stop pretending that we both,
Don’t see,
How much we miss our little era,
Even though we put on this digital show,
Of being fine,
I see this facade we both play.

I see you,
Seeing me see you,
And seeing how phony we are,
Pretending to see nothing,
I see you.
Ngl, the pic she posted today was bomb but it was no bigger of a bomb than the relationship itself. Yikers.
Aahoc Nov 10
I don't miss you.
I miss my muse.
I don't miss the pain.
I miss the inspiration.
I don't miss the doubts and fears.
I miss the longing tears.
I don't miss your voice.
I miss the silence between your words.
I've come to realize that I don't need you...
I just need another muse.
Francis Nov 13
Reminiscent on eras?
Or errors?
Reminiscent on the past,
Always eyeing the past,
The future,
What could have been,
What could possibly be,
But never a glance at the now.

“The now,”
As she always preached.
“Be in the now,”
She’d whisper,
As I angst over then and later.

I now look back on her,
Back on them all, really,
All of the eras in which they are placed,
All of the errors of that were committed,
And see it all, them all, as clear as crystal.

So many jewels of then,
So many… “hers” to treasure,
Yet here I am, in “the now,”
Wishing for nobody to fill that vacancy,
Nobody to hold that candidacy,
Because how can you love again,
When you haven’t truly loved before?

Nostalgic of an error, lost in eras,
That got whisked away, in the wind of life,
Dreaming of… “what will be,”
Reflecting on… “what could have been,”
Failing to… embrace the freedom,
To laugh, for a change,
After so long of being their court jester.

By my lonesome,
I worry not remotely,
It’s my sole duty, to be of duty,
To myself and myself,
Alone.
They all had special meaning. The times were special too.
Falling Up Nov 12
You are the glass that I poured my heart and soul into
But oh,
you are much more fragile than glass

You are the bomb that I worked carefully to diffuse
But little did I know,
you just released tear gas

You are the salty stories that flow from my eyes
in the middle of the night
Stories of love, joy, and
despise

You are the burning anger I feel in my chest
The feeling pushed down and
repressed

You are so much of me
So how can I stand to lose you?
As we stand on ships drifting farther and farther apart on the open sea

The answer is as clear as the glass and as strong as the anger
I can’t stand to lose you
You’re the biggest part of me
It’s difficult
Falling Up Nov 7
crystal tears turned to dust
i’m done crying
unless I must
i’m done buying
our time back like it will revive our lust
i’m done with the late nights and the I love yous
i’m tired of looking at you and not knowing who
you are now

but then I will think about the beautiful crystals
that formed through our years
beautiful
but sharp
painful to look at
it is beauty to love
but it is pain to lose it
We are drowning in pain. What happened to our beauty?
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