I never thought I´d miss you so
and that I´d cry late at night
I never thought I´d be alone
and that you´d go out of sight
So many aches that haven´t passed
So many tears I haven´t shed
I was your first you were my last
our love was but a broken thread
And you seem able to move on
making new friends, laughing out loud
forgetting me before the dawn
can´t help but think my sadness out
And I have stayed still for days
still haven't eaten, drunk or smoked
and in my mind I see your face
and in my sighs I feel being choked
When will this martyrdom just stop?
when will my grief just cease to appear?
As I go on this huge hilltop,
will all my suffering get clear?
Cut the cord
And rip out my
Like you do
Everytime you walk away.
At least my
Cynicism will be
There to greet me.
If we take that one step,
which swallows both our pride and worry of embarrassment,
That one step of me grabbing your arm while you passed,
or you clutching at mine as my face is painted on the pavement,
would everything be resolved?
or would only more hateful words be spoken?
Years later I still cant be sure of our end.
He was like alcohol and all he did was numb me
You are caffeine and leave my heart beats skipping—
So I‘d actually thank him for leaving.
I let myself be in love once
Giddy and gleeful
Not butterflies in my stomach
But warm milk in my belly
I was devoted
I was obedient
I was his.
Until I decided not to be.
Because when you give all yourself over
You lose yourself
And now I have been gone for awhile
I have forgotten how to live
And at times I don’t want to live
It sits on my chest
Weighs down my heart
Until I no longer want to be present
Or have this present from the melancholy king
But I am growing again
And I feel my soul stretch
Like a cat after a cozy afternoon nap
And I am ready
Oh so excited for what will happen
But for now (and maybe for ever
I do not want to be in love
I do not want to have a lover
For if being in love is a debt
I do not want to be in the business of it
It has nothing to do with me
tonight i will sleep with my windows open
and i will only lie with you when the bed is bare
i hope that time isnt linear
so i can stop wondering if we could just go back.
i would keep moving forward,
keep moving on,
she would bring me back to you.
"im happy for them" i say
"im happy for us too"
And then I was alone
A single daisy
In a field of thorns
Standing on my own
Waiting for a saviour
My future unknown
Waiting for the rain
To make me grow
Or wash me away
The wind is non-existent here
The leaves have stopped dancing
Yet, the birds still trill your name
Hoping to resurrect you.
Your lack of presence causes
Unrest within my soul.
The fire within burns
Causing such misery.
The wind is non-existent here
The leaves are still
Yet, the birds cry out for you
Desperate for your breeze
As I am haunted by your embrace
Your fingertips etch my face
Begging for memories to be erased
As I fall from grace
Aching for an escape.
The wind no longer touches my foundation
I’m stuck in this narration
Due to a cosmic separation
Which causes starvation
For a love that blossomed
In the dead of winter
Such sweet hibernation
The wind is non-existent here.
The person I am writing about astrology sign is the element air; Libra. She pulls away because of raw emotions between us, and she runs, and then she comes back because her heart aches for me. She doesn't know how to handle such emotions this deep connection. So, she ran this last time to figure out her own healing before she attempts such a deep connection with someone like me.
every night i sleep,
on a bed of a thousand lies.
i breathe in the oxygen,
that poisons all my thoughts.
what frightens me most,
is the simple fact that,
getting over me;
was so easy for you.