I am a freak of nature
I am control
I am the silence in your voice
When you can't seem to hold
I am the one you push around
Just like a *****
I am the one
You keep begging for more
I am control

All these words
Running through back of my mind
Leave me alone
No I can't stand on my own

Start to humiliate you?
You're acting like you're the only one
With what you've been through
Leave alone
I will stand on my own

All I am is a **** burden
Then why am I not forgotten?
Calling me just to ******* argue!
Did I disappoint you?
And let you down
You can't even grasp with what I've been through
Leave me alone
No more talking
Through back of my mind!

I'll lead you where you want to go
I'll never let you loose control
I am control!

You made me this way
And I couldn't stay away
Or did I choose to be this way?
Either way
I am my biggest ******* mistake
Mr. Self Destruct!

Everyone was acting like as if they were right

But I did not buy it, no I did not buy it

I said I'm going back, 'til there's no one left,

Now I'm standing on my own

It's me against them all

And it never looked so beautiful

'Cause I found what I was looking for

Now I'm standing on my own

It's me against the world

And I never felt so wonderful

'Cause I found what I was searching for

I found my voice .

I love you, you know
But sometimes you do
Things that hurt me
And you don't seem to notice

We  haven't talked on the phone for a while. I couldn't count the months since we last talked on the phone then suddenly you asked me if you can call...of course I said yes.

I waited and within a minute you called...

The word hello sounds like a ringing bell, it was so loud my soul was awaken again.

The word hello tastes like hot coffee in a winter night.

The word hello feels like home in a busy crowd.

The word hello reminded me of how sweet your voice is.
The word hello reminded me on how your voice is like music to my ears.
The word hello reminded me of how your lovely voice can make me at peace.

The word hello lasted for two minutes and fourteen seconds.

your words ring in my ear,
the sound of your voice lingering,
waiting to cut me open at my most vulnerable.

your words are like silk,
soft and smooth,
but a bold statement.

they surround me,
wrapping and weaving themselves into my skin,
and suffocating me.

I can still hear your voice,
the accent and the commanding tones,
even though you were the gentlest guy I knew.

my ears bleed,
the ringing of your voice,
its driving me mad.

i wish i could control myself.
i wish i didn't get attached.
i wish i had never met you.

I speak about my trauma often
not out of a want to be pitied
or attention. (Everything inside of me wishes
to be invisible.)

But,
I speak about my trauma because,
like a white water river–
my thoughts, feelings, and memories
come flashing down,
and I am engulfed
in flames.

My pen grounds me.
It is the only way for me to see
I am burning.

I wish to longer speak about it, too.
I wish to be “normal”.
I wish to just “get over it”, (like I am expected).

But my body
will not let me forget,
even if I wish
to forgive.

Oh cry of the heavens why pat my shoulder
will they ever return to me
I think  not
thank you for lending your heartfelt sighs
but I too can cry a river
but like all rocks, sharp and cutting
my tears will go around them
and within their hearts
will remain dry.

your absence has been revealing
the reach of your arms; exposed
my thoughts,
feelings and actions
forever altered from our encounter

I have learned from our departure
you were not the flaw
I was flawed before we met
and now understand that you were my voice
but I haven't spoken since

You ripped me away from my roots,
my aroma, with every breeze,
haunts you, your love for me,
your memory can't refute,
you hold me up to the sky,
begging the sun to rip through
the clouds, and you cry,
hoping it'll bring my soft petals to life,
but if I had a voice,
I'd beg to hear heavens deny,
just toss me back down,
turn your back,
don't turn around,
that's what you've always been best at.
~SacredInkedBlood