I lay here in bed,
The thoughts in my head:
Grains of sand caught in a dance by the desert wind.
But as consciousness slowly slips out of reach,
They settle down somewhere else
Far away from where they started
In this tiny world of my mind.
I had to get out of bed to write this poem, but I didn't want this grain of sand to blow away and get lost forever. Sometimes I get lucky, and they come to me like that. I suppose many things come and go when you least expect them to.
lately, it's been getting
so dark at night
and my most prosaic fears
come shambling from the tombs

all these warring beasts
kiss my wounds
and make them deeper still
i never wanted
to be this way

oh, this hell is rising
through the wishing well
oh, this acrid soil
flooding out my mouth
entombs me
unceremoniously
Addison 2d
I no longer have a handle
I was fine for four
And now? No more

Wallowing and digging
Further
And now I'm lying in the pool
Considering the hang overs
Bed stained with my past

Man I could go for some nuggets

My pillow's on the floor
The handcuffs lie beside
The fan spins above me
And my pillow lies beside

Bonded in my own constraints
With the fibres calling louder
The lock and key are missing and now?
They don't fit each other anymore

How unclear the clarity of everclear
So clean, connivingly kind
She draws me in, and then,
again,
The blackout ushers me out
I used to feel stress as some others do
I’d cry and pout and usually eat the stress away
Gaining 5, 10, 15 pounds in the process
But at what point does stress become too much?

Phase 1- Normal
A little stress
But less than should cause concern
Take a quick pause and breath
Till you feel fully awake and ready to handle the whole deal that is worrying you
Eating pattern: Normal

Phase 2- Intermediate
More substantial stress
Quite the mess inside the mind
Especially in an unkind situation
Eat a little more than normal for the sake of taking away the thought of the problem
Make a list and stick to it to reduce the impact
Don’t place the fist to the wall yet
Eating pattern: Calories increased by 25-40%

Phase 3- High
Stress has reached its max
Like a leach sucking the life away
Mind trying to stray from the food or the situation
But somehow falling pray to both
Like a host for a parasite
Eating pattern: Compromised. Calories increased by 60-75%

Phase 4- Immense
Stress too high to handle comfortably
Functional human abilities begin to cease
Like a paralyzing disease
Lies like not feeling well begin to find their way into play through each and every day
Not only is the issue stressful but the thought of eating becomes impossible
Now more problems creep in with the deep dive swim of an eating disorder side show
Eating pattern: Crippling loss of appetite. Calories decreased by 90%

I digress to address the source of my stress
A world I thought I knew and had nothing left to do but ride the wind with my sweetheart
But things fall apart yet the world still spins and at the end of the day the side I’m fearful of wins
And now I’m alone and scared of what’s next I just sit here with empty stomach rumbles hoping for your text
I miss you and it hurts and the stress is a burden. I feel like I’m dying from the inside out and I doubt I’ll make it out of this
I can't sleep, I need to rest
Keep the best out of my head
I know we all wish we were dead
we want that bread
I'm not unique these views are antique
I'm sorry I speak lies these are not
Life is a thot I hope that you rot
Should we have been I ask you again
Is this for me or this is waste
Give me a taste of the good
I've withstood all I could
And that's an overused rhyme
Oh I've abused time
Oh I've reused crime
I was born into
Burn my mind keeps me torn, you knew
I can't sleep, I need to rest
Feedback is appreciated :) I'll follow back, much love <3
Half asleep
fundamentally tired
let me count these sheep
until my brain feels less wired

Hoping for dreams in silver and light blue
my lonesomeness keeps me company
I talk my love into being true
Pouring out words in motion, drunkenly

Open window, starry sky
the air is cool, my mouth tastes something sweet
Soft coldness makes my skin feel shy
Naked under the blanket of lights on dark blue we'll meet

Like the sun meets the moon
when no one's left awake
hidden and delicate, always making me swoon
a hand holding on to me, the face you make

I'll share the most tender kiss
no one's ever tasted before
one that you would painfully miss
So for tonight let's promise to dream forevermore
Goodnight good poets. Be kind and true.
_

wee hours
with the sane asleep
this writer’s steeped
in conflicted inspiration

my thoughts are vague
I’m filled with doubt
words tossed about
the unyielding
empty page

I start
then stop
I write
then not
unclear
I’m caught
in merciless hesitation

fickle muse
please
a promise of spark
to light this dark
that grips me like a cage

_


rob kistner © 2007
Another contemplation on writer's block.
The details of your DNA are settling into
my brain like dust mites chasing
each other around and around in
search of a field of gravity;
sometimes I'm stuck and sometimes I like to run away
but occasionally I force myself to stay in the same place for more than a few minutes
occasionally I am the right place and the right time, and occasionally
that is enough.  

It takes me a while but wouldn't you know, I have stopped
being a doormat for everyone whose baggage weighs
more than mine;
wouldn't you know, I don't think they carry
it right anyway, and their feet wouldn't feel
so heavy without the steel and armor;
I'm trying to play follow-the leader here,
taking tips from an invisible authority
I don't know any such role model to exist, but
sometimes I pretend I do just to
have a place to put my hands or my feet when it's
cold and they're tracking snow in;
my pulse is slower before midnight
once the dark falls I can't sleep
I can't sleep but I do know how to place blame
fitted heavily and perfectly to sculpted shoulders;
I can't sleep but I know exactly how much
plaster it takes to patch up a wall at roughly this height,
I know exactly the number of messages left on my machine
unanswered, ignored
molded word for word into
little stick-its in my brain.
I don't know sleep but I am very good friends with
her companions,
drowsy achy steady pull
of exhaustion dragging behind my eyelids
matched hand to hand with its
lovely counterpart,
red eye restless itchy frustration
burning hot under my skin.

But don't you know, I am only
this person once every
12 hours or so,
just wait it out, I'll
come around.
she is the purest rose
a crimson red to match
the wrist she hides from you along her neck while it’s intact
she is an angel from above
the darkest wings to glow
and as her day goes on they turn and all say
there goes miss mary mae
but don’t they see behind your satin skirts
and rosy cheeks
don’t they see what you do to herself, don’t they ever take a peek?
To the world I didn't made sense


I didn't made sense
when I'm awake and the world was asleep

I didn't made sense
When I wrote endless scribbles

I didn't made sense
When I was standing outside when it was pouring.

I didn't made sense
When I laugh when it hurts the most

I didn't made sense
When I smiled, even when Im sad


Yes I didn't made any sense doing all of those but I dont need the world to understand me. I just need only one.
Yes its hard to find someone who will understand you, many will think you're crazy and have lost it. But Continue to find that someone who will.
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