I did
I think
But it's been years
When I was not

And I don't remember
What being well
is like

I mean
I mean
I am always well
I am
Always moving
Because an object at rest-

I've said this already

So I'll rest when I'm dead
Or I'll die when I rest
And I'm not ready
I haven't made my mark
I haven't swelled my voice
With the chorus of those
who came before me
I haven't heard that note
One note
In a symphony
The glorious harmony
Haven't drawn a breath
Heard the empty space
Felt the sharp prick of awe
That the gap
Is for me to fill
Little me

And that
I think
Holds me here
Roots my feet to the ground
To Earth
Because humans
Are delicate
It would not take so much
To flee this mortal form
I am not ready
It is not my time
I am secure
Knowing my days are numbered
Measured out
By One
Who does not lose count
Lose thought
All in the wrong order
At all the times
Which are
Most inopportune

It is my greatest honor
It is my greatest humbling

And anyways
I am well
Well enough to sing
To dance
Well enough for joy
To light its fire
Bursting pyrotechnics
In my chest

Of course
When I am not
Not when my thoughts
Take the wheel
And I am caught in loops

"Shape without form
Shade without color"
I drift
In monochromatic waves
Clinging to the memory
And hope of hues
Beyond my mind's walls
I drift
In soft piano melodies
And synesthesia winds my senses
In a great tangle
Melancholy tastes like apple
But un-achored
Only smells like dust
Looping and twirling in the breeze
Over the ocean
Under the too-wide sky
Over the too-bright sea

Until it hits city
And the city
Brings it back down
Tears it into a million

They used to be it
They used to be whole
They were once
But now

And just like that
The conclusion
Brings me down
With a jolt and a bump and a thud
Like a plane
Or the clanking chains
Of a rollarcoaster

My stomach is doing rollarcoaster loops
I used to be well-
(i've said that too)
-But sometimes
I am well
And I forget
That with a breath
I can be

It is terrifying
But I am not scared
You know
Part of life
Is living it
This was supposed to be
More coherent
Lilly 17h
Slit my wrists; hope to die
Take some pills; start to cry
Knot the rope; pull it tight
Put a bullet in my mind
I am okay now, this is an old poem I wrote and published on my wattpad
On the tip of my toes
And as far as the horizon goes
I reached over the line to keep stable

But I tipped the stool
And like a fool, dragged the sky
like a black cloth off a table

and prior passing the salt
as a result, of my fault
sprinkled the stars before your eye

I spilled the milk too soon
And poured out the moon
Across what now looked like a night sky

And there I was falling
When light came that morning
Only then left to have confessed

I am the prodigy of apology
And for this I am sorry
falling to sleep at breakfast
I've felt my name,
already a perfect contradiction,
scribbled out of the book,
photoshopped from the picture.

I've seen the sphinx's wrath
in your cat eye
and I want to feed it
your same poison.

Pretend for me, fake the love
because if you loved me before
the tornadoes I've caused,
you would have been faking anyway.

Took me to the twelve best rivers,
let them disinfect me away,
but it's not the kind of stain
that requires a cup of bleach.

I have gel pens in my hands,
every shade of the rainbow,
and I plan to live inside them,
just for a while.

Someday, I won't need to pretend.
I won't need lazy smiles.
I won't need to chew lies and
bird feed your fake heart.


He sentido mi nombre,
la contradicción perfecta,
borroneada en el libro,
empañada en la foto.

He visto la furia del esfinge
en tus ojos de gato
y quiero alimentarle
tu mismo veneno.

Finge por mi, falsifica el amor
porque si me hubieras amado antes
de las tormentas que he causado,
estarías fingiendo de todos modos.

Me llevaste a los mejores ríos
y dejaste que me desinfectaran,
pero no es el tipo de mancha
que requiere un cuarto de lejía.

Tengo plumas en mis manos,
cada tono del arcoiris,
y planeo vivir en ellos,
solo por un tiempo.

Algún día, no tendré que fingir.
No necesitaré sonrisas vagantes.
No tendré que masticar mentiras
y cebar tu corazón falso.
sometimes I get tired of being someone I'm not
Rain 1d
I have all these thoughts
Filling my mind
My brain overloaded with
I have too many words, bouncing back and forth, back and forth,
But I'm too tired to express
Any of them.
It hurts,
each time one of these ideas ricochets inside my skull
But I'm too tired
Too tired to write it all down,
Too tired to care
Too tired, even, to sleep
Now isn't that ironic?
I have a million and one things to say
But they are all caught in the thick jelly of my mind
And by the time the words reach my mouth
It's like they've lost their momentum
And have none to carry out as sentences
But in the end, it doesn't really matter, does it?
Because I'm really
For this
We've all felt in need of motivation; just hang in there. We're all trying
A soft glow of light
peaks through a window , today
the world looks lovely
Avary 2d
Sleep, why won’t you come?
You taunt me with your yawns.
You tease me with your heavy lids.
Now my day is done.
Dismount your slippery stripper pole
and take a willing worshipper.
You can die from heartbreak.
You can die from a heart attack.
You can die from a heartache.
You can die from a heart disease.

But can you die from a depressed heart?

                     With love,
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