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Bryce 1d
With a citronella candle,
A lofty perfume,
Delayed expectations,
Friendly champagne flute--

I will wonder in between
Being patient,
Believing in the irredeemable soul.
If you knew this was your last day on earth,
would you spend it wisely with complete worth?
Honestly I’m scared of what my answer would be,
If I’d wallow in regret or just check out early.

Once you’ve breathed fresh air,
how do you go back to drowning?
In my youth I could never care
but lately I’m always frowning.
I tried to **** every single brain cell,
I no longer wished for feelings of thought,
no one asked so I never got to tell,
all these lingering regrets that I’ve got.
Dawn of the final day.
the sun arrives but will never stay.
Twenty four hours remain,
my death rattle will be in vain.

Long ago I lost hope in salvation,
and my dreams were trampled for belief,
so I dressed it up in mindless intoxication,
oh, how well it decorated my eternal grief.
How do I explain that the reason I’m leaving,
was the same reason that I stayed?
I’m tired of starving and done with dry heaving,
it feels like my internal organs have been flayed,
and put out on display.

Once you feel the sun rise,
how do you return back to the night?
When defeat’s visible in your eyes,
‘cause mind and body are both done with the fight.
I tried to **** every single brain cell,
yet there’s still more than enough left to haunt me,
will they survive the fall out, only time will tell,
I have a feeling one will remain only to keep taunting.
Dawn of the final day,
knees were made for grovelling not to pray.
Twenty four hours remain,
maybe time can fit in some rain.

I’m never happy with what life gives me
though I admit I haven’t been given much.
I feel only coldness in my surroundings,
but have felt warmth from a strangers touch.
Everyday I think “this is the end
I can’t possibly keep on going”
My spine broken before it could bend,
and I was plucked before I started growing.
So drag my corpse to the ocean
‘cause it was always my dream for there to rest,
I’ll die drowning in every emotion,
but only sadness will fill my chest.
Nothing really to do with Zelda, yet it influenced it all the same.
"You're so ******* ****"
After she got done ****** me.

"Hey you up?"
4am from a man working at the liquor store I frequent.

"If you weren’t such an *** tonight I would’ve liked to cuddle with you"
A bartender at my regular bar.

"Hey I'm not complaining. You can beat my *** anytime."
An uber driver after I jokingly said I would beat him up. He was a retired police officer.

"Come on. You never even gave me a chance!"
A close friend of 3 years who was upset that I started dating someone else and not him. He didn't talk to me for over 2 years after.

"Seems like you're taking whoever's available at this point."
My manager after I disclosed to her a **** that happened to me days prior.

"Come on, can't I just get a hug?"
A stranger in a bar.

"What? What what's wrong? Come on."
A man in a bar when I wouldn't drop the fact that he had just stuck his hand on my **** and between my legs.

"Well you have to be careful that you're not flirting or being too nice to men."
My father after I told him about an uncomfortable situation with a bartender hitting on me.

Do not call me babe.
Don't call me dear
Do not touch me.

I am not
I am one of those nine-to-five working stiffs
who never drew a dime from any Wall Street
investment. Closest I've come to making
a killing in the market was, last week
when I went after
a mouthy produce clerk.
My hands are shaking, the shower is too much, it's too soon.
            My head says it's him when the hands are my own, my heart says
                   no, but I need to say yes. This isn't as bad as the anger
                                     that would come when I say no,
                                   but this is stripping away my soul.
There Is nothing In this
life that compares to love
hard to find hard to keep but when found the feeling you experience Is truly unique
And when you thought this would last forever Is suddenly taken from you, first anger at being robbed of her love then thoughts of all the things you'll never do together
Places been places planned to go the last time you held her hand, kissed her lips then undressed her and made love to her laid there afterwards together
eventually falling to sleep
In each other arms beautiful warmth the heat generated from our ***** bodies as we slept
In peaceful dreams none of
of these beautiful moments will ever be again, and the truly hard part you're left to live the rest of your life with no second chances all that went before lost forever the day your life stood still
Life stands still the day your loved one die all the thing you'll never do again no more
beautiful love making all gone forever no second chances In this life
Look at me all fat from self indulgence
custard cream and chocolate pieces on my face
I barely take a breath
from my gluttony
See me swimming in a vat of cinnamon cream
Big juicy congealed bacon-fat emotions
And this little piggy is hungry

Everything you said was bad
has me spinning
Swimming in it now.
I'm flicking cheesecake at your conditioning
smearing mascarpone over my ***** chest
without shame I don't
I don't have shame

Lock me up in your prison of doctrine
But I'll eat through that too eventually
Engorged in self release and painted in '**** that's'

Mousse feels good on my skin
Coats my teeth
Sherbet and berry compote in every orifice
Watch me choke on caramel
Choke on life

Laugh while I lapse into a sugar coma
And cover me in told-you-so's
While I come to,
Diving straight back in wearing only a smile
Shame from childhood experienced into adulthood

A lively debate
that inside I create
A seemingly
simple state
But this state
of affairs
Is like a ****** affair
The details
I wish not to share
don’t stare
For inside
I’m scared
Am I prepared?
Do I have
the ***** to do
what I really care?
Or am I going
to stay on this ship
of self-despair
I can scream
my lungs ******
into the air
But does anyone care?
Do I even f@cking care??

Maybe a life spared
but spare me the
retched bullsh@t

of self-pity
I’m self-giving
It wreaks up the air
It’s noxious scent
is not one I care
to ever encounter
or fair

Let’s “clear the air”
and take on
what I want
from now on
No longer a ****
who is living the tired
of some pathetic
love song

is my “Swan Song”
Where I belong
This sh@t is ON!

Climbing the mountain strong
Bellowing a chant
a song
That’s been so deep within
for so long
It can only come out
Because “wrong”
does not belong
This virus
is airborne

No longer forlorn
All the darkness
is gone
You have been
Are you ready?
Because it’s coming
Sounding the horn
the firstborn
The “storm”
Once icy and cold
Now simmering warm
Going to bubble into
volcanic ash scorned
This Oath
hath been sworn
Tattered and torn
**** cloth
all that is worn

But forward my path
What’s behind me
My ***
The past
Worn out,
and shriveling trash

All that
is gone
as I head
towards the dawn
Through the darkness
I’ve trekked
The Sun rises ahead
And with it
My song

My Swan Song
I am reborn
withered and worn
But still strong
I belong
I am one
with the Universe

The path before me
is brightly lit
with happiness and joy
No more patheticness
All the grit
and the spit
Broken teeth
All that sh@t
It all meant something
It was THIS

Every bruise
Every brake
All the “wrongs”
and “mistakes”

Are what it takes
You can call it fate
or simply short of fatal
but since
through this day till
Every day
I thankfully say
“Thank you”
for showing me the way
Because now I have
A love that stays
A true love
One that can’t
get away
Because I value Me
One ‘hopes’ or ‘prays’
But like a house
Each brick is laid
Onto the next
Foundation made
A sturdy house
Can’t blow away
Hard work put in
Made it this way
The same for me
The price I paid
But end result
A saving grace
Written: December 6, 2018

All rights reserved.
슬기 Dec 5
She decided to drown herself
but as the water starts to fill her lungs,
a silver line of regret rush through her.

She wakes up with the white ceiling blinding her.
And realization starts to strike her
like a cold bucket of water
with the memories come flashing back.

And a little thank you Lord for another chance
spread awareness
Toxic yeti Dec 4
Dear Spencer.
I got your messages
You say that you want to talk
I am not interested
You say you miss me
I don’t.
We may have had some things in common
But don’t you remember
The names you called
Don’t you remember that you attacked my religion
Don’t you remember that
You threatened me
So you get nothing from me.
I love myself, my DNA and my faith
To put up with your hatred.
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