How is it that no one concerns,
how is it having no one to turn,
hos is ir that now you have to feel the burn,
and not even one thing to earn.

I guess you are saying you haven't been wise,
saying sorry for not being nice,
saying sorry for being shitty twice,
because right now you have no way to rise.

At first I thought we might be fine,
it will end up with us be in a line,
but I guess there is no sign,
and all you can do is just whine.

this is a piece that I wrote when my (used to be) bestfriend

Sometimes I wonder if I could have changed things like,
had I sent a smiley emoji you might have thought of me differently and now I wonder,
if you do as I,
repeat the last words of our last ever love song,
and think of me as I think of you.
Replaying scenarios in your head like,
what if we do meet again?
Would we be crying?

Was this the end of the world? No.
But I still wonder if your chest has been burning as much as mine,
if every time our song has come on you'd skip it.
I wonder if the summer is sad for you too, I wonder if you survived this year,
if the summer heat makes a resemble of my heated body of my soul,
digging its way in trying to get a piece of what was left of your liking to me. I wonder too much about your soul,
has I broken it forever? I wonder if every inch of your soul,
of your shoulder blades belongs to another she or another he now. I hope it does,
but then I wonder,
does this person make you happy like I did? Did I make you happy at all?

(e.k.j.)

Shadowhollow Jun 16

Tell me you love me
Whisper secrets into my ear
Make or break me with one touch
I want that kind of embrace

Lust filled eyes
Embrace me !
Hands like knives
Each cut sinfully beautiful
Embrace me !

Every word sets of a tempest
Embrace me !
Kisses like red berries
Deadly or sugar sweet
Embrace me !
Embrace me !
I scream to someone
Who no longer seems to be here

Lonely thoughts .

i don't know whether to send you just one email
you said your inbox was your solace
so would it make you happy
to read how much i miss you
i really do
i can feel it coming over me
the painful anxiety
of separating you from this
and them from us
how we used to be
was i me
or is this it now
fell through my own self doubt
and ended up on everyone's shelf
i'm scared of all their eyes
intentions shifting
little lies
i know that if my mind
is this sick
then yours is probably too

Shadowhollow Jun 15

My knees weaken
My breaths lighter
My mind emptier
My body heavier
I am asleep
I am dreaming
I am laughing
I am dead

A thought that popped into my head .

Tonight I'll pretend that we don't breathe the same air,
or else I think my lungs might explode.

(e.k.j.)

I'm looking for a home.
And I always think I’ve found it,
But I'm beginning to realize that maybe life,
Is just about finding home,
And when you find it
You're finished.
Maybe life is just about chasing,
Whatever makes you feel like you're home.

You know those people who burn the love letters
And the pictures,
After the breakup?
I'm not one of those people.
And I will never understand people who are,
Why deny and erase something good that happened
When such little good comes into such a long life.

I knew you'd leave,
Is that weird?
I knew, that moment.
And I was sad about it for months
When I know things, I just know,
Woman’s intuition.
And there is no reason to rush the end,
If it's coming anyhow.


I wish I could say I didn't know
That you wouldn’t miss me.
I wish I could say I didn't expect
Not to miss you.
But I know now what home is,
And I know when it leaves.
But the thing is,
I didn’t leave my home,
My home left me.

But I think you should know,
That for a minute you were home
To me.

Home to me was a silver Ford,
That always smelled like sweaty tennis shoes,
But never failed to comfort me.
It was taking the aux cord and playing,
Songs at full volume, trying to rap all the words,
Your hand in mine.
And home was always the late nights we’d spend,
Curled up on your old couch together,
With Netflix on in the background,
That we would never watch.

For a minute, your arms were enough.
Your sparkling eyes and your imperfections.
Your soft voice that would whisper comforts.
And for a second,
I could see home in your eyes,
And God,
Did I live in that second.

I am
So much a traveler
I'm not sure
I'll ever have roots to stay in one place.
No.
I don’t know if roots
Will ever have me.

Growing up I used to cry against my mother’s chest
In my bedroom
Too young and naive
To know what I was homesick for
Since I'd only ever lived in one place.

I finally thought I’d found home,  
The real kind.
And I'm still homesick for that feeling,
Months later.
That addictive, comforting feeling.
But,
Just like home
The real thing is never where why or when
You expect it to be
And it never stays forever.

But isn't a love letter.
And this isn't a goodbye.
Or maybe it is,
I guess that,
Is up to you.

I guess I just wanted you to know
Knowing you was like driving by a house in a quiet neighborhood,
Late at night.
All the lights are on
The curtains not yet drawn.
And before you pass by,
You catch a glimpse,
Into pure happiness.
And maybe you see yourself there,
With someone's arms around you
And a cat curled up on the backrest of the couch.

And in that moment
In that second,
You’re home.

But before you know it,
It's gone behind the trees and you
Have to keep going forward
Because,

You have somewhere to be.

Knowing you,
Was kind of like that.

Adam, I miss you, but I hate you at the same time. So much, you make me want to die...

There is a boy that goes to my school,
Reminds me of someone I used to know very well,
Someone who left me a long time ago.
Every day I see him walk into school,
The same curly hair,
And eyes the same blue.
He knocks the wind from my chest,
Because he looks just like you

But this boy is different,
He doesn’t smile like you would,
He doesn’t look at me with the love he used to,
And he walks a little too proud.
I think you killed the boy I used to love,
And it's his body you wear.

A poem about how my ex-boyfriend isn't the same boy that I loved anymore

and if I stop, I'll miss the little things:
shaving my legs when I know you're coming over and
not drinking coffee because you don't like the taste of it on my tongue.

I'll miss
running out to your car with my shoes in my hand,
the very last goodnight kiss that's always sweetest.

I'll miss lying to my parents about traffic
and weather
when we were right around the curve of the road,
stealing kisses.

I'll miss
when you don't shave because you know I like your scruffy boy-stubble
when you touch my face without speaking
when your actions
are louder
than words.

I'll miss
your sweetness
I'll miss
your puckish sincerity
I'll miss
you.

I'll miss your hands
your tongue
and your lips on my cheek.

I'll miss you kissing each one of my fingers.

I'll miss our secret handshakes,
our inside jokes,
our petty fights.

I'll miss our song.
I'll miss our arguments about who gets aux and
When we’d sing at the top of our lungs
Even though we both sucked.

and so what I'm proposing,
from me to you,
girl to boy and
heart to heart,
is that you don't stop loving me,
and i
won't stop loving
you.

This kills me because after everything my ex has done to me that makes me want to stop living I still love him...

battery on always on the verge of giving up
always trying to save it at 2%
keep the wire from falling out
well it would if you stopped squirming around

remembering scenes from last nights dreams
where were you?
i'm in the den well its not a den anymore
but some smokey duvets next to that window on the floor

the wall hanging i bought in truro as a blanket
remember i bought it and then you wanted one
so i gave it you
god i was so fucking depressed then i'm sorry
i got another one for me
because we were we
but hanging in my fucking sterile room
you tried so hard to make me better

and our rooms could be the same then
with just that image
me and you
you know i know I’m to blame

3 different rooms things just change
i just changed and i made myself ill
got better and fucked us over
again
since when was red wine my saviour
i never was the one to drink
high anyway though and
now not even better
wow
wish i could see how you actually feel about me
or felt


i am sorry for all the things i put you through
chapter 2
they were cool in 2014
i met you you met me
both so keen
and together forever every day
every night in my single bed
or at yours door shut
with your fish tank your decks on the desk
playing chess
having sex
having sex

fuck

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