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apricot 6d
i wish i never put
you
in my journal
because the thought of
you
is so cringey,
that i didn't even want to open it.
5 months wasted for a POS.
You were the first thing I ever captured beautifully.
Every line bent toward you like prayer,
like blood pouring in the shape of your name.
You lit something in me,
not hope, not love,
something older. Hungrier.
I called it inspiration.
But it was worship.

I gave you pages,
painted you in metaphors
that made you more than human,
more than you ever earned.

And then you broke me.

Now I live in the wreckage.
Every page is stained with grief.
No glow.
Just ruin.

I can’t stop creating.
Even now, even bleeding.

These are portraits smeared in ash.
They are prayers for the version of you,
that never even existed.

Now I can’t even create anything,
That doesn’t feel like mourning.
Esther May 11
i have just moved all our pictures
into the hidden folder
the graveyard of memories
my heart aches with endless yearning
sorrow, grief and regret

our love was so short-lived
like a helpless little kitten
that died before it ever got a chance
to fully experience the wonders of life

our love was a flickering candle flame
that burnt so bright
and fizzled so soon

my tattooed golden retriever
my soldier, my love
you said it was "right person, wrong time"
but what if the timing could never favour upon us?
what if we could never find our way back to each other?
𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨...
Melvyn Tiong May 7
In Time
To be understood, that’s all I needed.
To be touched, not just skin-deep but soul deep.
But I was never truly seen.

My eyes dulled hollowed.
Yours… gone.
I watched from behind invisible bars
As you kept living.

A hollow man, buried in memories.
Stuck in the past,
Convicted by what I did,
By what we were,
By your love, your promises.

And I still wonder…
Did God turn His face from me?
Did your eyes ever really care?
Was I just a stepping stone on your cruel little journey?

“I love you,” I whispered,
Heart still waiting for you to come home.
Mind frozen in time,
A relic waiting to be remembered.
12am and a cupa latte does it.
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Blocked income ·      
Destroying someone's career ·      
Bad luck ·      
Bad dreams ·      
Breaking a relationship or destroying someone's causing to separate or divorce ·      
Controlling someone's mind for *** ·      
Making the victim indulge in vices like alcohol, violence and unhealthy *** ·
Causing accidents ·      
Making people sick ·      
Anger & avarice ;  emotional imbalance ·    
Fear ·      
Not allowing the victim to sleep ·      
Depression ·      
Making the victim commit suicide ·      
Blocking a woman's monthly periods ·      
Blocking a woman's ability to conceive
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Max Gisel May 3
He doesn't hear me right now.
Too busy playing games,
The ones more entertaining than me.
He doesn't look at me,
Doesn't speak, doesn't listen, doesn't care.

I know I am useless,
He drilled it into me from day one.
My words mean nothing to him.
I have stupid hobbies, stupid wants.
Nothing about me is worthy of him.

I look down at myself.
I know what gets his attention,
My dignity drops along with my pants.
He looks at me for the first time in days.
I am finally spoken to.

His words slice me.
He calls me what I am: disgusting,
Desperate, useless, horrible.
But most importantly: I am his.
I am nothing without his approval.

But at the same time he worships me.
The only approval I've gotten,
Only when I am exposed in front of him.
My only worth is my body parts,
The ones I so desperately hate.

He does what he wants,
I have no choice but to let him.
I have no one else who sees me.
Even if he only sees me for what I am;
a tool for his enjoyment.
This is about my ex. He would consistently ignore me, and even berate and threaten me until I would give him what he wanted. He knew I was desperate for love and affection, and he decided to use that. I hate him.
Max Gisel Apr 28
The way you held me hurt
In ways I can't describe.
You tore my arms, legs, back,
The rips growing deeper
With each **** meeting.
You stared at the tears in my skin,
Proud of yourself, aroused.
You scraped your claws over them,
Pulling them wider, prettier.
You pleased yourself, admiring your work.
I was perfect for you.
Sitting still and letting you disfigure me,
My body was not mine.
I was yours, signature and all,
Deep etchings in my skin
The same etchings I carve off,
only to grow them back.
You made me carve your name,
Over, and over, and over.
My fingers dull and numb,
Digging deeper for you to see,
For you to admire.
Though I was never enough.
Not close to satisfying your hunger.
Never a day passed
Where I would not dread seeing you.
About my first "relationship" (if you can even call it that).
I hope he is in the extra crispy section of hell, he deserves it.
Santiago A Apr 5
From just a stranger I did not know.
To a friend I could learn about though.

From a friend who made me smile for days.
To a secret crush who set my heart ablaze.

From a crush I was scared to get too close.
To my partner, who loved me and it shows.

From my partner, I could see a life together.
To my future, any problems we could weather.

From my future, with plans that only grew,
Became a stranger, I completely knew.
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