i tie myself to her every blue move then try to pull out, unspool, the knot in myself so i follow you both home then bruise in the black hide in the bush you’ve been beating around write my petty poems swallow my love feel the cold creep the glossy warmth you hold i now cradle memory to my red cheeks so i unlatch my tongue from my loyal teeth and let the blood run into someone else’s mouth you know I’ve always seen in green
On scraps of paper strewn about the house, I catch a glimpse of your handwriting and it resurrects you from the dead.
Amongst the living, I can hear your whistle as it echos in the hall and I remember how I thought that, 'one day, you would make a good dad'.
Amongst the living, I forget for a moment that you’re thirsty for my blood. and that dust now gathers in the spaces where the blood used to flow.
Amongst the living, I forget for a moment that you’re haunting me. That you’re still here but I can’t speak to you.
That your corpse still lies in the next room Still. Tv blaring, The smell lingers and it’s getting bad. my phone lights up with your name
and I jump.
Amongst the living, I remember that you’re only broken. I can see your smile in my mind’s eye, Your freckles and how I used to count them. I wonder now how much time I’ve spent staring at your face and how I knew our baby would have those eyes too. primal, astral, ancestral, blue.
you looked at me through half-closed lids sleepy smile on your lips my hand touched yours swiftly exchanged the smoking gun I watched your lips wrap around it and wished it was me instead if I could freeze time it would be that moment locked in the smoky room and the prison of your mouth
do you remember when we met? back in that crowded apartment? dimly lit and packed together with no room to spare some people wait their whole lives for that moment and all I remember is seeing that smile at the corners of your mouth but was it really a smile?
months later you flashed me that same smile at another house party, in another crowded apartment where everyone knew that smile light danced off your eyes eyes that really knew me gold and emerald glimmering back at me
we stumbled home in the snow that night with the same glassy skin it was then that I knew how I felt about you- it was then that I remembered that smile that smile that didn’t really look like a smile but nonetheless that smile everyone knew
i finalised my "divorce" today. well, it was a breakup. 2 years together, lived together, shared our cats, shared a life... all that. so yeah, it felt like a mini divorce.
and i couldn't help but notice how relatable the song "happiness" by taylor swift is now...
"all the years i've given is just **** we're dividing up"
he left the house a week ago. today he came by, and divided up our shared things.
"tell me when did your winning smile began to look like a smirk? when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?"
when i first met him, it was the stuff of fairytales - like most relationships. we shared some of the best memories of our lives together. but like all good things, it came to an end. over time, we became stressed with life's responsibilities. we became toxic to each other, and both made terrible mistakes. towards the end, it became the inevitable to end things.
"after giving you the best i had tell me what to give after that?"
i gave it my all. we both tried our best. it just wasn't meant to be.
"haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime"
how i wished he was the one... given any chance, i would've loved him for a lifetime. i miss him. i miss the life we shared. i grieve for the future we will never have.
"i can't make it go away by making you a villian"
but just because the relationship failed, it was still extraordinarily beautiful. i hold zero resentment towards him at all. no negative feelings. i wish him all the best in the future.
"no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too"
these lyrics hit me the most...
"there'll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you"
goodbye, lover. maybe in another lifetime, our paths will cross again. but for now, i wish you all the happiness in the world. i will always have love for you deep in my heart.
The smell of rain comes into the room with him. My heart sunk to my stomach. As hard as I tried, I couldn't move.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
The sound of his voice filled the room, and it blurred the rest of my life. The smile left my face when I heard him. There he was, and here I go I ran as far away as I could. I had to make sure he was gone.
Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
But I can't fight, can I? He fills me with fear, leaves me speechless in the worst way makes me leave the things I love most, just to feel safe within my own mind As much as I may want to fight, I can't. I'm too scared