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J J Feb 28
I was falling asleep while speaking

but you kept the conversation going

You pushed and pushed and I willingly fell again

We laughed and rumbled half asleep in my bed
We kissed again and I said I missed you you said it back but next day walking you to the bus
I thought to myself how I wasn't serious-- you know me
A people-pleaser to no-end until they please me back
we were so young and dumb near this time last year,
And I just cannot understand why you miss her like you do,
I miss the dead and no one else, before she died she
Was starting to become like a big sister--

But nothing gone really has to matter any longer than you
let it, does it,babe?
And even though you're a year older I always felt like a big brother,
I've bled and disfigured myself in your name so you
best believe when I tell you I don't even like you.

But I know you'll just laugh in my face...

O I'm so cruel and you're so cold and we're both so dumb I guess that's why we get along babe.
Your voice changed back to the one I fell inlove with
Your face looks
so different upclose, you and me can talk so smart when we want to,
Give good advice if we cared to;

I wish I could still blame it on loneliness and drugs but I've been sober for too many days to be worth counting anymore.

Did I ever tell you I loved you beyond mouthing it when we started our shortlived affair? Why's it so much easier to say now

time we hang up but you never said it when you got on that bus, why was that babe? If I still cared I'd wonder who

Was on your mind
instead of me

Thank God I've gotten used to isolation since our last night just us together,
though I'm certain I hated you then as much as I loved you then

And I never made a promise I didn't believe I could keep
Although I've said many things that turned out to be lies.

I look forward to our next meeting, I've long known I don't appreciate you until you're gone.
So please,
Never stray too far, I will not kiss where your feet rested
but I will grieve your death in my dreams and I will awake praising God
that it was only a dream.
Evee Colbolt Feb 28
The only version I'd keep of you is in these poems
Happy then and strangers now

If it makes you feel better leave me on read
I did this to us and I understand
Keep your peace
If I could say one last thing to you it'd be
Thank you for
learning, growing, laughing, crying with me
And capability of love and happiness
Thank you GB Potter
Níla Feb 22
You loved to have the artsy girl
As if I were a statue to twirl
'These are her paintings and she reads so **** much'
I remember how your praise made me shy away and blush

I remember you saying I grew kind of lame
Looking for a reason I'd rather stay home and finding only my books to blame
But books were not only to fill a void the most beloved on my list of things to enjoy
And I'd rather be addicted to pages where lovers and enemies coexisted
Than watch you cancel out the darkness with any random kind of liquid

And I'd rather be the paper girl
Than to down yet another drink that in my hand I swirl
Losing its sparkle just as fast as I lose my mind
I wish I'd stayed home and simply read through the night
jǫrð Jan 22
Inscribed with some biblical nonsense
The ring that you gave
I gave away
To a man I despised at the time
And forgot until recently
That you exist at all
You said you remembered
I had a kind heart
Did you mean instead
That I'm easy to bed
I have learned to read between the lines
The History: Hello, to you, incompetent child man who misses someone sweet. Where is your mommy? I thought she was supposed to be involved in everything?
mjad Jan 12
Talking to you never gets easier
I fall back into fifteen
Every time your name is on my screen
The giddiness, the waiting
Waiting to see what you say
But now it's been almost ten years
What do I want to hear?
I'm not sure
Why do you tell me things aren't good with her?
At the absolutely worst timing
I have someone now
And you're not around
We're just talking
mjad Jan 12
Of the 100 thoughts I have
You are 99

I wish you were here
I also wish you could get off my mind
mjad Jan 12
You consume my thoughts
You're across the globe, for you it's 8am
I know if I stay up until 3 you'll be awake then

But why why why
Do I do this to myself
I have a man that loves me more than anything on earth
Yet I just want to hear your words
Manipulate you to go from texting to calling
Because I know the things I need to say to get you falling
I want to slip back into the old routine
Of talking and talking for hours on end
You made me laugh like I've barely laughed since
I laugh with my man but it's different with you
You know me absolutely through and through
Meeting in adolescence giving us both an advantage
A sense of vulnerability that any new person just cannot seem to reach
Hurting us both as we know we cannot keep a hold
On the people who give us all of their love
Their life
Their future

But what are we doing
Talking just talking
We know what's off limits
Not tempted not lusting
Just missing the old and wondering
If you feel the same way about us too
Do you feel a sense of why why why
Scared to death of any other feeling
To see you in person would break me?
Would it break you? Or is that what we need?
A moment alone for clarity
To stare and take in what the years have done to us both
Pulled at our skin and our hair but
Not our eyes
Not our souls

We remain the same
Twisting through the air sensing every thought
Knowing every consideration
Time would slow down
We would be patient
Waiting to see who would speak
Would we need a translation? Do you still know everything I mean?
Are you still the same person?
How has time changed our twisting souls?
You're across the globe
Away from me
Away from you
But it feels like nothing new

Just temporary distance
In between a forever affair
New people will come and go and come and go
Yet you and I will stay twisting in air
But I'll marry the man I am with
You might be in attendance
Will it **** you? Will it hurt me?
Maybe eventually
It's a neverending question
How are you? How have you been?
I ask you about her you ask me about him
We stay on the shallow end of the pool
Neither really wants to look the fool
Asking for answers on the deep end

Why why why
Do we do this every year
I stare at my ceiling all night long
One more hour and you'll be awake
But I can't wait
But I have too
He is for me, not you
God this is hard to believe
That our souls are so intertwined you live in my dreams
And I skip through yours

No need to ask we both know it's true
And I can tell it's been eating at you
You've been busy and I've been waiting
And all these empty words we keep saying
Leading up to what we really want to know
Why me? Why you?
When will the years pass fast enough that we forget our past
When will we move on and no longer look back
Probably never

How do we tell who we love
Oh sorry I still talk to you
But not like that I promise
There's nothing amiss
Maybe we're twin flames
Spinning around getting hotter
Burned with each other's names
mjad Jan 12
I'm staring at my ceiling
Overwhelmed with feeling
I know you'll text me tomorrow
And I'll respond
We'll talk far too long

Is it talking so long that makes it wrong?
Or is it how much it feels right?
mjad Jan 12
Our past is so muddy
But I look back and see honey
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