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I await the calm, the bleach
of night, that chapter

when my ribs
unbreak, crawl back

around my cageless heart. eyelids
weigh like lead in this cruel gravity--

they swell faster than tears. tears
that fail to surge me out of this flooded

shell; they close
like every marble door

that stands straight between my dreams
and I,

           and you-- I await
you, draped in downpours & monsoon

tempests; maybe, this time, our wildest
winds would fade out in their collision.
Meca 1d
Engulf me in love,
Break me in half,
Only once-more,
Only encore,
Lament time
Is it bad?
That I didn’t loved him,
And that I said “yes” on a whim?

Is it bad?
That I felt nothing but guilt,
When he tainted me with filth?

Is it bad?
That I broke his heart,
And took it as an inspiration for my art ?

Is it bad?
That I took all the blame,
And left him with no shame?

Is it bad?
That I used death as an excuse,
Just so he’d leave and not refuse?

Is it bad?
That I sometimes stare into space,
And all I could see is your face?
I’m tired of playing the villain role he gave me.
I was the kindest soul that ever sang to you and it turns out you never heard a word I spoke.
Claiming that maybe you just didn't need my songs to feel good.
I'm feeding myself false hope by the spoon fulls even after choking so many times.
I wish I could have learned sooner to put the spoon down - I knew it I just couldn't grasp it - the reality of losing it.
He couldn't explain his lack of love for my soul but kept my body full of greed for a year and a half.
Unfortunately, I'm a modernly woman holding on to just a string of hope thinking of all the ways I could change myself for you.

I thought I never was the prettiest picture that you'd admire each night. You told me yourself you had a gallery of others you would desire to be with for a night.
My skin still sinks so low remembering your stories about these selfish needs.
Making me feel I was never enough to love, cherish, and make a home in.
How does it feel to rip down a perfectly fine structure of a woman until she is bird bones?

I had a weak mind and constitution but continued to dance through the storm that I thought you'd save me from one day.
I was always looking for any signs of sun that I dreamt you would bring to me.
I ended up watching you disappear into the sun wishing and just praying that someday I could as well.
I asked to join but you couldn't handle it - you said couldn't understand it because you've never experienced rain like mine.
You put me through hell and I think it's my time to finally be able to breathe without your hands on my throat - don't you mind?

My first experience with love turned out to leave a constellation of scars that I'll one day look at and be able to see their beauty.
But for now, I'm still just counting scars.
But for now, I'm still battling flames you burned in me.
I didn't think I'd write like this about you,
But I can still feel the day you no longer felt like my hometown.
Coming home to you was lackluster and toxic at best - but I still drank it up like it was sweet wine.
Oh, how it still stings.

Finally, you have set me free and I can love you for that because you knew I was too weak to do it myself.
But here I stand tall - I am feeling like I'm starting to breathe and it is so divine.
I think I am floating.

One day I'll taste the sweet serenity of someone who'll listen to my songs and crave my soul and knows how to survive a storm.
But for now, I can only be my biggest supporter.
I can't look for conformation in another being without learning to love the silence.

"I'll take care of you
I'll nurture you
I'll guide you through and to anew
I'll take you so far to a place where you'll be able to build yourself better.
I love you and all your soul, body, and mind.
Don't be terrified, don't let him pull you down, don't let him fool you that he cared about you.
Let this story grow old and crinkle.
He didn't know how lucky he was."
2020
A poem about my first break up and the power of overcoming emotional trauma. In the end, promising to take care of myself rather than relying on someone else to do so.
Sometimes hearts meet
Sometimes hearts break
Relations are at stake
When they carry price tags
Put 'Not for Sale' plaque
Bring the relations on track
Sacha 2d
Sometimes I shut my feelings
I have to
Not to break

But my mind is an open circuit
A spark
Brings feelings back

And I scream so loud inside me
No!
Not again

That's not what I sould be feeling now
I try
I think I can

Now everything is tainted
The sadness
It's still there

The numbness dolls the feeling
It has to do
For now
Even If i tied
The strongest chains
To everyone I have ever loved
Everyone who I have let in and told them "you belong here"
Eventually the chains would break
And I would lose them
We aren't meant to be kept
We are meant to love, and be loved
And then, vanish.
Dead Sep 11
I wonder if I crossed your mind,
I wonder if I ever. Even for a second. Appeared in your mind.

As you stumbled to a car, cold night.
Not for long.

I wonder if you looked at him the way you looked at me, I wonder if he did everything that I couldn’t. Touched you the way I never did.

I wonder if the warmth in your chest was so full it snatched the feeling out of mine.

I wonder if either of you could feel me in the air,
Hands shaking
Head splitting
Wrists bleeding
Chest caving

I wonder if as you fell asleep that night with him.
I wonder if you could feel the drugs in my blood,
As our eyes close.
Hoping for a black tomorrow.

I wonder if we both felt nothing
I wonder if we both felt everything
fika Sep 10
beautiful boy
i know your weren’t the One
but i still miss you every day
i’m lucky i got to love someone like you
thank you
jojo Sep 10
Where do broken hearts go?
Does anyone know?
Do they wander somewhere all alone,
In a restricted zone.
Perhaps in a coffee shop they stay?
Admiring people who come their way.
Do they look at the stars in awe at night,
Wondering when will everything be all right.
Do they just go with the flow?
Aimlessly living each day with woe.
Perhaps they stay in their homes all day,
Pushing people far away.
Wherever they are,
No matter how many their scars,
I hope they heal,
And tranquility soon they feel.
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