I'm going through withdrawal,
I'm not used to not having someone to love,
But changes happen,
Or i just fuck up.
Yes I find happiness in other ways,
But there's just something about touching your skin.
Feeling me, next to you.
Tends to be my favorite thing to do.
Your breath on my neck while we watch TV.
Is something I need,
I got hooked on a feeling,
Don't stop believing,
This is why I need you.
I've never held someone like I've held you,
(Does your mom know?)
This is just what I do.
We all know,
Love is a drug,
But what kinds have you tried?
First i had it diluted,
(That was when I was young)
I didn't really like you, it was just so fun,
To have someone say they like you too,
But you weren't the one.
Then this next one took some time to kick in,
I accidently took too much,
I got hooked quickly,
Convinced you were the one.
It hit me all too fast,
And always left me breathless and confused.
My chest always hurt around you.
It was nice, for a short time at least,
But I got hooked too fast.
(We were too young)
And I didn't understand,
All of my feelings.
So while the first one I tried, had the right 'body'
She didn't mean that much to me.
But the other one. Was just the opposite.
Towards the end it wasn't fun,
It, it stung.
It took me a long time to quit it.
But I did.
Eh, with some help.
This one was soooo fake,
It was like mint leaves to marijuana.
I wanted to get high off you,
But you were soooo wrong.
I wanted it to work,
So I kissed you.
And that was stupid.
I don't regret it though, you were the last one, before I realized who I was.
The next one had some issues.
She didn't like star wars or harry potter.
That was an easy break up.
So who do i write about? Who can she be? Well my friend, we'll just have to wait and see.
Your summer skin,
It's like home to me,
Of when we were younger,
And everything seemed impossible,
At least to me.
You used to hold me in your arms,
And I'd listen to your heart beat,
Until it was time to go.
With your summer skin,
Always came with the scent of your cologne,
The scent I'd want my sheets to smell,
To drug me to sleep.
Your summer skin,
Always came with trouble.
Doubts and infidelity,
And I could not help but to wonder,
If I was worthless,
And if there was someone better.
Your summer skin,
Was good while it lasted,
Because when summer was over,
So were we,
And I just couldn't look,
Because it was killing me,
To see your hand entwined,
With someone that was not me.
Your summer skin,
Was my heaven.
It's as if summer was yesterday,
But I cannot relive the past,
To revive the monster in you.
Perhaps you live in regret,
But we're not young anymore,
So cherish me in your memories,
And you'll forever live in mine,
And so will summer.
You think you're the victim,.
Such a fantasy, please make a schism,.
Match by match,.
You found a way to detach,.
Drip by vapory drip,.
The gasoline that drops from your lip,.
As you speak your words for hire,.
Your volatile saliva splashes onto the pyre,.
Where you tied me down when four words were shared,.
This seems to be the only way to show you care,.
I plea to you, I question you why,.
Do you feel the necessity to let us die,.
You tell me to be patient as my soul burns,.
Preparing a feast out of me for the worms,.
Every excuse you can make,.
For me to bleed fire on the stake..,.,.,
This had to end at some point,.
Pointed ends of poinsettias,.
Being eaten by a cat,.
That has lost his way in some horrible nightmare before christmas,.
I wanted this to happen more than anything,.
Now i sit and smile with a fucked up knowledge,.
That it was all some game,.
Training me like a lion in a circus,.
That ate the poinsettias when he was freed,.
Leave me be,.
I need to be mentally free,.
I turned into a monster over you,.
I sacrificed my sobriety and mental well-being over you,.
And you laugh on comments,.
And stab me with your impotence,.
Of love and understanding,.
Misleading me like a pack of wolves,.
Running off a cliff,.
Into your self-made ignorant bliss..,.,.,
I used to beg for him to just
Stand in the doorway
I would kneel on the edge of our bed
Saying his name repeatedly as he slipped through the front door.
I found this comfort in my mania
In my starvation
He left me emaciated,
Never fully satisfied I would stumble through our apartment
Picking up inanimate objects and throwing them at the wall
Watching as they plummeted to the ground
I could feel the sigh of relief
Immeasurable to what he used to do to me
He provided the healthy appetite of rage
With each door click
Each time he slowly said my name
Licking vowels clean
The frustration his fingertips
His plane landing on the other side of the world
He was closest to me when he couldn’t see
The outlines of my freckles
But instead the visions
He’d manifested in his own head
The first time he told me he loved me
I felt the bed shake as the words fell out
You could see the regret
Instantaneous, he’d forgotten that loving
Meant more than being attached to the heartbeat
meant loving my mania
Meant loving my forgiveness
Meant loving open doors
It meant feeding me until I was full,
I believed him only when he was disappointed,
when he was too drunk to remember
The moments when he finally let his eyes wander
When he closed his lips to kiss me
Screaming through the phone
The final seconds
When his words were always
“I have to go, I have to go.”
For though my heart was forged with fire
It had become harder than ice
Yet your flame was so strong
And so stubborn at that
It melted every part of me
Over and over again...
The warrior I pretended to be
Melted in a pool of your love
As vulnerable as I became
to give you my heart
I beg you please
don't shatter it again
I am true to my word
Except when it comes to us
I mean when I say
Yes and no mean the same.
I need you to leave
Go ape once I put it to ink
Thinking I will never kiss those lips
See that smile of his.
I am weak
Because you make me strong
I push you away
Because all this is wrong.
It is for the best
I feel worse once said
Back and forth
My words lose their worth
I promise I do not love you
I don't, I don't.