i’m hopeless,
and restless,

stressed and
senseless.

nothing makes
sense and

i can’t help
but be careless

falling head
over heels for
you.

nights blur into
days,

time eludes me,
once again

and i get carried
away.

but when i see you,
i’m frozen in place,

i don’t know
what to do.

just like the wind,
you take my breath away.

cliché and typical,
i’m hopeless but hopeful
to spend another day

with you.

My hands
are the shape of
this morning’s bagel: small
and untethered, sprinkled
with seeds, tasteful of hope
that today will hopefully be a good day.
I have made it - not for anyone
but for my own mouth. I have sipped
and tasted for years
what my hands have prepared
for me, cooked in the hope
that I could - no, will -
make a day good
for me.

I'm happy and look

around with astonishment --


Is there any hold?

every once in awhile
I start to wonder if I’m really depressed after all,
then I realize
the meds are working

My first cigarette was at twelve years old,
under the climbing frame,
after my turn on the monkey bars.

My mate told me not to do it-
he tried to take it off me but
was too late.
I’ve been trying to quit ever since.
Soon after, that little climber
discovered cider, yearned
for something wider and
ended up with alcohol poisoning by
the end of the year.

My first stand-up gig was Lee Mack.
I was 13.
I sat right at the back on the balcony and revelled in the
happy faces below me.
Ending with a slow motion impression of Eric Morecambe,
I could’ve sworn it was the fastest hour of my life.
I can’t believe I was
So naïve.

When I sat my first exam at sixteen,
an hour seemed a minute.
Crash forward to A-levels and I
was being examined in a
therapist’s office-
how the tables had turned.
Ticking boxes to be assessed and there’s no way I can
pass this test because a
high score can only mean
very bad things.

How can life be so virile, yet so lacking and sterile?

I was told I’d find myself at uni
But I’ve ended up losing myself at twenty.

A note to nature ,
Blooming in scenes.
Comfort in quiet,
Enriched in peace.
Leaving me silent
And blind from greed.
Clueless to violence ,

Finally at ease.

I wish I had the time to sit down
to contemplate my life and figure out how
I became who I am today

sometimes I find myself thinking
of all the choices I made believing I was right
but maybe I was wrong and then

how can I fix the mess that has been done?
to me
by me

it's easy to love who you are now
when you've stepped on traps in the past
looking for the right path
but making it somehow

truth is there's no use
in falling into the trap of hating yourself in the old days
you didn’t know best, we all make a mess
in this endless chase for happiness

she will always be me
but I'm not her anymore
she will never be me
but I'll always be her

I got my raise at work today
it’s a reminder that you’re worth is based on percentages in life and titles that you hold
I should be so happy
I should be grateful for pennies because I even got anything at all
my value is in the dollar amount I make an hour and bring home annually and I should feel proud that it still isn’t enough but I made more this year than I did last year so how dare I be ungrateful
I should be purposefully working my youth away for a few cents every year because I have a job and I have a roof over my head and bills to pay
And ya know Wow what a blessing it is to be alive and be a human
in the rat race called life I should just so grateful to be here….

Speak of love,
So many hopeless hearts,
With none to give.
Something to dream they'll find,
When they aren't even sure what to look for.
Find it on your own first.
Otherwise, you'll just end up hurting others
Or hurting worse.