Wow
What a day
You’re such a beautiful force
My hands froze but they’re so warm
I’m nervous and you know it
I’m willing to go for it
But I can’t
I’m struck
By the feeling of your touch
I tried but was skiddish
You call me out on my intentions
You try to make me feel okay
We laugh and smoked the night away.  
I rather not tell
The reasons why I’m glossed
The reason my head is all fog
I’d rather not pour my heart out again
I’d rather much reside in a friend
But I did what I came to do
And that’s be with you
Your next level sense of awareness
Is something new .
But it’s also your downfall,
Your blunt approach
Surprisingly effective
You’re just like me
But more collected
You’re attentiveness
More selected.
I was shy
You have me shook
You sat there and read me
Like a book

happiness is a risk,
and to risk means to know its cost

“Oh”
Two letters. One syllable. Packing more punch than an insect striking a windshield. At least in that scenario, the pain is momentary, release is instant.

But you. You said that simple word and the emptiness in the silence that followed was anything but. Because what it truly meant was disappointment. Confusion. Regret.

“I wish I would have known”
That’s why I was telling you now. Shouldn’t that have accounted for something? Shouldn’t you have seen it was hard for me to tell you that.

Falling asleep.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to know what was going on inside of your head because **** me, I liked you now and then that happened and now I felt uneasy of myself. Of my worth. All of it through the lens of you.

I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know what. Did I do something, or is it because of what I didn’t do? Just speak your truth to me.

“Sleep well”
With an emoji. Does that equate emotion? Or is it a filler for words you don’t know how to say, feelings you can’t convey, the way you’ll break my heart eventually but for now I should ‘sleep well’, sleep well.

Well it’s hard to sleep when the person you care about is the one keeping you awake at night. Do you even still care.

“Sweet dreams”
I say. But what I really mean is I miss you. Do you miss me? I miss your touch, your laugh, the way you slightly smile when you pull back from kissing me, the way you looked at me as you hovered above: that look of genuine desire. Was it all just physical?

Only time will tell. But in the meantime I hate the social constructs that tell me to play this game, to wait it out? To not look clingy? To not want someone. I hate it. But that’s the rules of the game.

So. Your move.

See, when I grow up I’m going to be younger,
Sillier, adventurous, and free;
Free to say what I like, do what I please,
and in general, just be happy.

I won’t care what salary I make;
six-figure, five-figure, or none.
I could be doorless and friendless,
And still manage to be happy and have fun.

If I make mistakes, I will have made mistakes.
Mistakes are just bound to come.
All I can do is learn and become better,
smile, and remember where I’m from.

I’ll love and I’ll laugh and I’ll have a great time,
Working and playing beat to beat.
Happy or sad I’ll always be glad,
For my experiences beautiful and sweet.

See, when I grow up I’m going to be happy.
Equally, if not happier than now.
I’ll make sure to have fun and get things done,
And at the end of it all take a bow.

Hold still for a moment.
  Appreciate that you are alive.
    Put away the distractions.
      Picture yourself
        Independent and free.
      Needing nothing
    Except yourself.
  Savor this inner peace as it
Shines through to the outside.