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Ryan Cripps Dec 2023
Her laughter faded like a shadowy figure vanishing into the snowy mist.
Her full smile disappeared now more familar to a desolate wisp.
Her will to write and live and breathe left like they couldn't wait to leave.
Nobody talks to her anymore, not even the trees.
- Ryan Kane (c) 2023
Anam03 Jul 2023
As I wander this land
I've got loneliness
clinging onto my hand

Unknown footsteps
disrupt my journey
my lips shiver
my eyes teary

As I begin my run
I scream your name
my throat goes dry
by eyes see no one

I continue my screams
my feet bleed
and I wonder
if I'm somebody you don't need

Mr.Unknown's steps seize
a wonderful escape indeed

Yet I fall to the ground
weep and lay
because you're never there
be it night or day
My mother always ends a phone conversation with ‘I love you.’

And she says that it is because you never know
When someone will be taken from you,
and I think that is true.

But her “I love you’s” have different levels;
One said in exasperation to my brothers
when they’re being particularly much

One said quietly to my sisters
as they drift slowly into their dreamscapes
and as she’s closing their door

One said matter-of-factly to me
when I am having a conversation with her.

It always takes me by surprise, and I know that it shouldn’t, but it does because the last level of her “I love you” is reserved for my father.

It is said, almost as an afterthought at the end of their phone conversations, said with frustration and almost resigned to her lot in life.

“— love you.”

The spot for the “I” is a glaring void of things left unsaid

It has given me a new greatest fear that I will grow so complacent in my relationship, in my life, that I too will end phone conversations with “—love you.”
The “I” in “I love you” is important
Larry dillon Feb 2023
You ensnared me like a dog in its cage
Locked me down in your cellar
drove to my estate
told my son it would be okay
Massacred my family with my face
And made sure to replay it for me everyday:
recorded the depravity so I could see it on tv
-Said to me:
"I know your heart is bleeding.
I will set you free when you watch,
Without shedding a single tear."
-I remained locked up for close to a year
I needed to know why you would trap me here
just to let me walk away
when you finally released me at gunpoint;
I learned to keep my tears at bay
Your response when I pressed for a reason:
        
               "...its just a game I play."

You set lives on fire then set us free
How many suicides have you kept as trophies?
Does it tingle like a wet tongue on your neck,
When you rip a life apart?
Presenting to us the imploded pieces
Like a perverted work of art?

You psychotic shapeshifter you sicken me
You serial-stealer of sacred space
You think the human race is a plague
So you became, "The Locust-Eater"
Playing out macabre fantasies
With such swift shifts of physical features
You delight in deriving such clever machinations
To deceive us ...
...but can you deceive yourself?
Underneath the bone and sinew
- you are still just YOU
...even though you masquerade as everybody else

How can I spot a chameleon in a kaleidoscope?
Belay your false colors.
Show me your true shade.

I studied you
Created a secret space- like you
Where I could stash you safe
Poured through claims of being kidnapped
By a being who could change its shape
Corroborated their claims-by the dates
Of misdeeds they were framed for
-And when they took their own life
In my research I found a smoking gun
-In your case your kryptonite
You must regress to your real skin
         once every month
So i set out ...
picked just the right target...
...and started to hunt

To lure out the chameleon...
I captured something...
      
        That I think you might love.

You wore Anessa's life like a glove
Was she to be your masterpiece?
You committed a crime so brazen- as her
it went viral within a week
you stole her child in the darkness of night,
Anessa's husband- that child's father
Must have been filled with such awful fright
He called authorities, you fabricated stories
you turned the victim into a suspect
Over a single fortnight
Not long after he was killed
in a drunken bar fight

As Anessa you were spotted months after
Ignoring a green light of a busy intersection
Parked in the middle of the road
Placed their child on that busy street
Then sped off in the other direction

Anessa was blindsided when you finally
let her go
Oh, i bet you waited with bated breath
For her self-removal from the world?
You ensured she would never again
Get to hold her baby girl
But Anessa never gave in
Did her steadfast resolve
feel like I rash upon your skin?
Where it festered forming feelings foreign
to a fiend such as you?

You scratched that itch
Began by sending her anonymous gifts
Even started shifting into her too
Stalked her waking moments
by engaging her as a stranger:
all the while unaware your sick infatuation:
Had put her in danger

I'm counting down the clock
I kidnapped maybe her or You
I left my address at Anessa's house
A note saying, " this is a game I play now too."
Soon now: a month will have passed
And it all comes crashing to A head:
at last.

So shed your skin
Prepare to fight
This vendetta ends here:

Tonight.

There is a lighter
          
           Just

waiting to ignite.

A knocking at my door
A knot in my stomach
Anessa...( or is it You)
bound beneath my floorboards?
I peer in the peephole then pull You (Or Anessa) out of that hidden hole
I drench us both( for every second You stole)
I  pour it all over
( my life will never be whole)  
I douse everything in here in gasoline
Confess your sins
(before the fire finds them out)
Its time to come CLEAN!!!

And it seems:
I will be dipping my hands in red tonight.
This will all end in the worst way.

I open the door
let Anessa( or You) In
She runs to my captive saying,
"Where do I begin?"

"I made something of my life
after it let me go
At first, it caused the Locust-Eater misery
You see it toys with humans:
ones it knows are weak
I was so meek and feeble before we met...
Yet,I'm the one person it failed to defeat
Its game gave me strength i never knew...
... resolve had always,somehow,eluded me
I do believe its games are vile...but,
They are necessary?
Please,**** me instead
"...but let the Locust-Eater free"

the captive Anessa(or You)
begins thrashing their feet
I yell," which one of you killed my family?!"
They both calmy respond:

" Me."

The lighter flicks in my hand
I'm unable to speak

A month has passed
Which one is the one I seek?
They both insist I let the other go
And you should know:
it slips from my hand
The lighter(like my grip of reality)
falling faster with exposed flame
adhering to the clear rules of gravity

The two Anessa's embrace.
They both begin to burn.

False colors from the chameleon fade out.
Hungry flames swallow me whole.
I am( am I?)...
seeing the Locust-Eater's true shade:

This is how I take control.

-
A story of a shape-shifting serial kidnapper who assumes the identities of his victims, implodes their lives...and lets them go.
ARI Aug 2022
It’s such an odd irony
For me to be legally responsible
For lives of strangers
When I can barely keep my own heart beating

The irony that I fill hospitals
With heart broken patients
Whose self-hate has come to life
Leaving trails of loathing etched into their skin

When I fight daily
To keep those thoughts at bay
And my smile so perfectly practiced
Few could even fathom I would ever want to…. Stop

-ARI
I’m ok; simply letting off steam
violetstarlights Jul 2022
no more fixing bindra
no more fixing pramod
i will no longer tend to the dumpster fire that is their ego

the little things they do
still pulls the strings of my heart
you want my will to be your puppet
and i want yours to be mine
whatever makes you feel "safe"
whatever makes me feel "safe"
is whatever makes us in control

you are as broken as you have broken me
i no longer want to fix you
i want you to respond to my every demand
i want to manipulate you like you have manipulated me

i no longer want to destroy such evil
i simply want to turn the tables
i want to restore balance
and give myself room to breathe
because lord knows i'd be a better tyrant than you

i'm on my villain arc (setting boundaries)
biting at the hand that feeds me
because I was supposed to be the baby!
you were supposed to baby me!
when all i did was baby you!

i wanted to be your baby
i wanted to be your baby so bad

but look at what you do to babies

i am no alchemist
i cannot turn monster into human
simply, i can keep it under control
a muzzle to the rabid dog

your words bite into my heart
as i bite into your arm
if it bleeds, i wonder
if you'll think when you stare at the wound
Guden Jun 2022
Sometimes I look at you,
And love runs through my veins.
A love that that brings energy
For my brain,
My muscles,
My spirit.
Sometimes I look at you,
And I don't understand,
What you're doing here,
With me,
Why you love me
So broken
Beyond repair.
Sometimes I look at you,
And I want to drag you
To this hole I'm living in,
Perhaps that way
I won't be so lonely
Perhaps that way
You'll feel what I feel
And discover
You'll be better off somewhere else.
erie Dec 2021
i wish i had never left
it wouldn’t make a difference
if i was there or if i never came
in the first place, a testament
to the latent fact that i am never
anywhere or anyone anyways

and when i left i met you
and i hate myself for it
because until then i was fine
it was all fine and it was okay

and now i’m thirteen again
whenever i look at the instagram
screenshot, i took it because
i was zooming into your eyes
too much and my fingers got
tired and i decided to **** it

you’ve got me writing in verse
you’ve made me published again
i hate you for it

i want to be yours
of course i do
but i don’t just want that
i usually would, but i
just want you to be loved
hell it doesn’t even have to
be me it certainly shouldn’t be

i never looked at the sky
before for answers, i think
that ****’s pretty dumb but
i’m also pretty dumb
and you’re just pretty

if you would let me
i would watch you forever
i would listen for hours
i’d follow you to hades
or long island where
you say it’s really sick
or the ******* palisades
or anywhere else but here
and if you told me to
drive off a bridge i would
because it’s picturesque
and you’re always right

and it’s not healthy
but i never claimed to be

i can’t stop seeing what i want
in my head, a movie of us
surrounded by a green border
i’ve gone way too far into it

and look at this **** i’m
writing rupi kaur 2012
poetry so i guess she had
a point about the books
and the flowers or whatever

something about flowers is
i thought they were so stupid
like puppies and glitter
but now whenever i see
beautiful plants and
old books i think of you
and it’s sickening

a friend told me you
love somebody else and
it should have been
relieving to me but then
i just started to break
because somethings wrong
with me and i can’t just let
the simple **** go
i have to be dramatic
i have to be the worst
person in the world
for some ******* reason

i think you don’t understand
that when i look at you i
don’t see the things you see
because you’re beautiful
and i ******* hate you for it

i don’t cry, i can’t really
because being vulnerable
is stupid and immature
but every other day i cry
and i cry for you
and it isn’t fair i know
but i can’t help it anymore

and i thought maybe it
was another charade because
i was bored and i wanted a game
but then you revealed more of
yourself to me and at some
point i couldn’t deny that
whatever you made me feel
wasn’t fleeting it was forever
and it’s still ******* here

i used to take risks
and gambles and then i realized
that they hurt beneath the skin
and now i’m doing it again
i’m screaming and clawing
at the edge of the world

it’s two in the morning and
i’m literally writing this out of
order and i’m not mentioning
what i should because if i do
it will make it real and it
will make me so utterly
depraved and disgusting

i can write so many things
for you and all for you
and usually i could anyways
but i can write books
i can write anthologies
plays and manuscripts
things they put in chapels

if you see me don’t say anything
you can laugh and swear and
cuss me out and then you can
leave me and i know you won’t
because you’re so nice
(and yes, i hate you for it)
but you really should
before i destroy us and
this thing we’ve created

i like you too
and i ******* hate you for it.
i'll cringe abt this in a few years but sadly i have mental illness LOL!
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