My heart is tabletop -
the rest of me is the filled-in border
of jigsaw pieces, hanging teeth
around a maw; the middle is missing.

I am also the beheading bluejay
slicing the tendons of greenery
that waver in the rain lens
imprinting on glass and shadow.

I wait on street corners
for specks of truth, beauty;
"That is all ye know on earth,
and all ye need to know" and all that.

But I have a quicksand heart -
step and drown.
Wreathes of blood shiver inside
in murderous curtains.

I vanish in front of you:
This world has no middle in it,
& what little remains is draining out,
teeth strewn in a garden.

Seeing the people I love crying because of love.
Makes me want to protect my heart even more.

STARRY STARRY NIGHT

She switched off the moon.

Plucked out the stars.

A little dog barked
as her scream scrawled:

“This time life has gone...too far.”

She took an overdose of sleeping tablets
in her big bright red car.

The day withers
that was once in bloom.

Petals fall
in an empty room.

The moon wept.
The stars cried.

Life was for living... Life lied.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

Life is beautiful,

that's why people are longing --


for La Merica.

beautiful cultures  people have created

Of you
Of your voice
Of your lies
Of your fake smile
Of your fake love
And when I see you with her
After you called to say your flight was late
I know I’m tired
Of my love for you

Four years I was under your control
I allowed myself to let go
Breaking hearts and causing pain
I drained the girl I loved away
You tore away a life for me
A piece of me
But now I'm here to take control back
Four years have passed
Now I can say
Hello sober me
You're here to stay

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

no confundas mi amor con algo que le debía—la quise como podría haber abierto una ventana o tomado un vaso de agua—sin que me enseñen ni me provoquen, con la cabeza en blanco y la garganta seca—me despierto, me levanto, la amo—me lavo los dientes, pongo a hacer el café, la amo hasta que la cafetera llora hervor—me lo sirvo la amo y me quemo la lengua—pero el café no saca la sed y a ella no la quise porque se lo ganó. la amé para matar el tiempo entre ventana y agua, entre cepillo y taza.

When I look at you,
I don’t see darkness
I don’t see rain
I don’t see pain

When I speak to you,
I don’t feel sadness
I don’t feel neglect
You always show respect

When I think of you,
It gives me strength
Because you’re so bright
My brightest light

When I dream of you,
I find myself in your arms
Right where I belong
Right where I feel strong

When I fell in love with you,
I knew it was true
Because you drowned my sorrows
And now I can see tomorrow

𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹, 𝗜 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘐 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 uʍop 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦.
𝘓𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 VØłĐ, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 ₴₮₳₮ł₵ 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬,
🆆🆁🅰🆃🅷🅵🆄🅻 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺.
𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬-
𝘋𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘴.
𝘈𝘴 𝘐 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘺.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘺𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴,
𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴.
𝘈𝘴 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘐 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦.
𝘞𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘴- 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 h͎e͎a͎r͎t͎ -𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘶𝘴𝘵 - 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 s͓̽h͓̽i͓̽n͓̽y͓̽ 𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴
𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘺 f̷a̷n̷t̷a̷s̷y̷ 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯.
𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦.
𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵  𝕕 𝕚 𝕤 𝕒 𝕡 𝕡 𝕖 𝕒 𝕣, 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯.


6/28/2022 - Mandii Morbid ©

the night my life changed
i was wearing
a white dress
with blue and red
flowers

and you were wearing
well, actually
it doesn't
matter

the night my life changed
it was dark
and you were drunk
and somehow
it was my fault

while building static warmth
  unbiased night has nurtured strain
now! ;
  breaks akimbo in filling veins
  silver branches
  lipping open flare across the sky
stimulated charge raised
  through our earthed souls
  greeting heavens kindle above

Dear death,

I have met life,
He wants me to fight,
But I'm so weak-
So can we meet?

Depression has no grace,
no dignity for it's victims.

I once was like water,
I flowed so easily
I moved mountains with
my pressure,
I surfed the biggest waves,
I climbed the highest peaks,
I flew like a bat.

Only to fall hard.

Like a fly,
I was caught in the struggle
caged in the dreadful pain.

Depression is like a spider,
it waits in the shadows,
in its web it traps its victims.

I'm struggling in the web of depression.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton

~
Apathetic city skyline
This must be Drum Street
There's critical thinking
Digital tendencies

Pigeons on the roof
Kids in the library
Hail and flashpoint
Homeroom
Their final resting place

Who of you misses the bleak missiles of youth?
And how they used to hit like needles?

I can count your sufferings on my fingers
See them hidden in the tall grass
They move in secret
With shadow blister
As much as the caterpillar:
Elusive and eruciform

Sixteen crane wives
Collect on the guide wire
Their weathered plumage
Strangely displayed

Airplane debris on an uncharted wild
Macabre flowers growing out of air masks, gone quiet
The magic word is drear
It's a sorrow-filled caw
As if feathers from the grave
Clothing our fears

I can count the flock on my fingers
See them separate in mid-flight
Each a solitary path
Fusing rage and grief
Each a solitary path
Fusing rage and grief
~

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

the forests of sun
lift their branches to the sky -
a stone fountain's tears.

I come
To you today
With yet another scheme
For a wild, foolish adventure.
Coming?

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

We don’t see the carrots to be cut,
We see the sharp knife that could cut us.

We don’t see the bridge,
We see the other side of the railings.

We don’t see painkillers,
We see medication we could drown ourselves in.

We don’t see the train,
We see the tracks we could lay on.

We don’t see the nice view,
We see the cliff's edge we could jump off.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

Someday, I wish I could be
to you
What you are to me
Now
You deserve as much
You deserve so much
I fear I'll never be
Good for you

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option
suicide is not an option

My words became
knives.
A paragraph,
a sword.
And when I
made
my first speech,
the room
                was
                        hit
                             with
                                            a
                                                    grenade.

Have you ever danced
By yourself
Under a moonlit sky?
Completely out of your mind-
But the wind and birds and bugs
Create a background song
To life.
The grass under your feet
Makes you feel
Complete with nature.
And you dance-
You dance for the trees-
The stars-
Nature-
And for yourself.

It truly is an experience.