The both of us together
Me and you
You and I
We keep waiting for our friend to come
To bid him a final goodbye

We've been waiting for a while now
This friend is yet to arrive
And I sometimes think I've forgotten
How he sounded and looked like.

Forgotten if he ever asked of us
To wait for him in silence
But why then do we keep waiting
On life's little bylane?

The water
was lovely, dark, and deep;
wild and free
it called to me,
invited me in
what a shame i couldn’t swim.

Mi Lu
mi lubidulia
mi golocidalove
mi lu tan luz tan tu que me enlucielabisma
y descentratelura
y venusafrodea
y me nirvana el suyo la crucis los desalmes
con sus melimeleos
sus eropsiquisedas sus decúbitos lianas y dermiferios limbos y
gormullos
mi lu
mi luar
mi mito
demonoave dea rosa
mi pez hada
mi luvisita nimia
mi lubísnea
mi lu más lar
más lampo
mi pulpa lu de vértigo de galaxias de ***** de misterio
mi lubella lusola
mi total lu plevida
mi toda lu
lumía.

glimpses of tomorrow
come to inject
todays truth with junk

I walked through the door from my own ignorance
To find the stars awaiting me
Laughing and asking me what took so long
I simply replied
I cried and I died
The growth soon came after
So did my ride
But I wouldn't call it pride
Just Inside

Different colors, different places
Different clothes, different races
beneath the clothes, all human
lets be clement and not so sullen
Don't wait, change shall not come
be the change, never succumb!

With every Rose 🌹
There is a thorn
Scent to your nose
In the early morn

And when you love someone so deep
And they don’t really know
They’re just asleep
You just have to go

It was only lust
He didn’t care
You lost your trust
And he didn’t share!

The love just wasn’t there!

You’re much like the rain,
You can be soft or heavy,
Or kind to my drought.

I was a fool.
A fool that believed,
And on your stage,
I acted my part flawlessly,
The way you wanted me to be.

You ask me questions,
Say more you say
Say more about suicide
Say more about your relationship with your parents
Say more
Say less my brain says
Say less about your feeling
more about your friends
Say less about your dreams
more about the season
Say less, the world will be a better place

Her salty tears fell
And mixed with our lips as we kissed.
'Why?
I asked
She smiled.
'Because I'm happy',
she said,
and teared again.
And her lips tumbled
apart like a sand.

Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.

If my fate is to love you
From a distance
Then I'll burn for you
Like a star in your night sky
Bright, steady, reliable
Unwavering
Until the end of time.

The tears slide down my cheeks.
It's been a rough few weeks.
I try to rise, to move, to stir;
But all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her tail flicks over my arm.
It stings from fresh self harm.
I sob in tandem with her purr
'cause all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her rough tongue scratches my nail.
I stifle a broken wail.
My vision's nothing but a blur,
Since all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

I cannot surmount my situation.
I'm fighting a war above my station.
Perhaps someday some change I'll spur.
Till then, I only cry
Into her fur.

Old Navigators,
Where they go or dream,  
Doesn’t matter.
As long as there is still,
Somewhere to go.

Meanwhile I'll just sit on the edge,
Well ahead of the crowd,
Waiting for the train to eternity.
Where it goes does anybody know?

While I wait,
I’ll sit on this deck,
I’ll dangle my feet in the warm sea,
Look at the sights.

And I’ll enjoy it all,
With the spirit I was given.
Perhaps I’ll whistle a tune while I wait,
Even if it is bad luck,
It hardly matters.

Maybe I’ll write in the log book.
And if someone after me reads the entry,
That’s fine.
And if they don’t,
That’s fine too.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Although we can’t be together in this
Life,
we’ll be together in the next
I lay next to a desk
With your picture of you,  
I have a knife,
On my chest,
Waiting for what’s next,
I’ll meet you on
The flip side,
My love.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

the stars came from two things
one that comes from dust
and the other from her eyes

In the washroom
my reflection
and I,
Challenge one another-

A coagulated sweat,
A Combat baby's brain,
A moon that doesn't set-
Ascending constant strain...
Oh Anxiety, Paranoia,
Obsession and Depression,
Still perhaps, a poem just might
set free this true confession:
Confusion and  Delusion
The mirror's blunt conclusion
Pristiq, and then Welbutirn,
Art's  inclusive-type solution.

another one's challenge;
my Reflection , and I
In the

Washroom.

Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?

the yellow
falls down onto the sea
old dreamers walk by the woods
in search of home
a slow surrender
a giving in, a pleasure
that numbs too much

come
in search of me

summon me down to my knees
bringing me
to consume you bit by bit
at the price of your moans
my religion
finally calls me close

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

i'm a crownless queen
left to wander the wastes
searching for a princess
with whom i can replace

Healing leaves are now disrobed branches
on the edge of this wilderness.
Many tall Douglas Fir stand sentinel
over 100 foot tall amazing grace — the fleeting leaves
expose the beauty of the moss clad scaffolds
adorned with a lime-grey lichen lace
Nature is my refuge — solid ground to stand
in this harmony and peacefulness.


Jesse Stillwater — December 2018

this lyric licks your face,
leaving you-salty-caramel
smiling, while listening to Janis, singing
”(You Don’t know What It Is Like) to Love Somebody”

no babe,
nothing lasts,
not you, not love,
not me,
no matter how hard you
rhyme, theorize,
forget and memorize,
life’s only constant is
constantly refreshing all,
endlessly remembering
and forgetting how to
hold on to a heart, to love...

sometime a breeze, usually a hurricane,
comes along, prying your hands
off what you got, or,
prying your eyes away
onto something new, cause
that’s just the way it is
with human foolishness,
you gotta
“to walk, talk,
rhyme and theorize,
forget and memorize,
always refreshing,
knowing that
nothing lasts”


until it maybe does...









———————————————————————————————

“To walk, talk, rhyme and theorize, to forget and memorize, always refreshing, knowing nothing lasts, except things that last forever, last never, poems and decisions needing completion, choices, reordering songs loved best, replete all sorrowed pains, uplifting prayers, hallelujah hymns, last rites....”^



—————————————————————-

Slow down,
What are you running from?
Wait now.
What are your demons?
Rest child.
I promise the sun will come out
in the morning.
Just believe in yourself.
You can make it through.

I wonder if poetry is
a humble attempt to reduce
the magnificence or terror of dreams
to words.