Let's forget our lives-
let's forget tomorrow and
dance the night away

9:44 PM
11/7/19

i want to rewrite the stars
to you and me
forever and only

The closer I get to you
The more I see you slipping through my fingers
Dam* my paranoid mind

In the rain forest we heard the first birds
stood amid the cooling spectral fog
walked upon the spongy ground
the layered earth of moss and mud
along the path and further on
came streaming rays of sun
that silver lit the wild paphiopedilums
smiling toward the sky
a shine of silken stars.

just remember
what you’re seeing
what you’re feeling
what you’re hearing

it is the beat of love

and I, my steps
quick and frantic
hold all the I see
I feel
I hear

in the palm of my hand
like a bird
temporarily caged
about to be set

free

Pain is better than numbness,
because at least I can feel
my life not just move through it.

I like being with you
Seeing the trees
The greens change
In the sun
And the sky
Feeling nature

I see everyone,
but no one sees me.
I hear everyone,
but no one hears me.
I touch everyone,
but no one touches me.
I know everyone,
but no one knows me.
The invisible me!

last night i woke
early.
an old woman was going
gardening and i felt you drip
from a dream through my
ears and onto my
pillow

i want to jump off,
be one with the ground.
i lose myself when you aren't around.
change me to a cloud,
i'll stay a while.
watch you from a bird's eye,
count the ways you breathe,
from a couple miles high.
I'll get sad and pour rain,
clear skies for your smile.

I am a tiger and a fawn.
The she-wolf that screams to the moon at dusk
And the meadowlark that whistles to the sun at dawn.
I am darkness and I am light
Flipping my tangled hair to the cascading stars at night
Lifting my hands in prayer, releasing the morning birds to flight.
And I will protect them,
These birds of freedom.
I will carve their songs
Deeply into my heart
And set aside a space
Where the cruelty of this world
Cannot, ever, tear them apart.
So laugh my little children,
And sing your songs of glory,
You are safe
You are heard
And you are worthy.

Perhaps one day I'll look up and see
The same stars that you do
But for now, I'll settle for
That strange light in your eyes

featherings of bird
infringer winds
travel terms

I have a pain in my legs, and my right foot
I can't tell if it's from running,
being tense all the time,
or if it's growing pains

I have a sore throat
It hurts to swallow
You know, it's summer
But I think I'm catching a cold

I have a bruise on my head
A patch of hair missing the size of the nickle
I think it's from when I (accidentally)
Ran headfirst into a wall

I have an ache in my heart
A hole in my brain
I can't tell if it's from thinking too much
Or feeling too much
It's all the same

I listen to the moon
The moon tells me a story
I memorize each detail
Carefully

I try to hide
In between the sheets of a notebook
The moon continues to shed
It’s light on my nook

Now, it’s half past twelve
I have forgotten all my learnings
I ask the moon to kindly
Narrate to me a story

Some fable to remember
To fall asleep peacefully with
The moon shows no mercy
The stars offer no support

I hide in the aftermath
Of the monstrosity of
The demons
Of my own making

The moon never tells
A lie
I have never been more
Alive

I can’t describe
In words
Or numbers
Or colors

There’s just smoke
Tears on my denim
My notebook
And the moonlight

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

The fact
The we won’t
Ever get
Together again
Tears me
A
      P
          A
              R
            

                        T
      


                                     .

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Does it make you feel better
thinking you're better
than everyone in the room

Does it make you feel warmer
making me colder
leaving me alone in a tomb

Does it make you feel smarter
dating the smarter
of the corpses you exhume

Does it make you feel better
taking out everyone better
who you perceive in the room

Scattered books and pens
A noose hanging from the roof
The ink running dry

I can not be loving you like this,
Forgetting to let my heart beat,
And constantly wondering what you need,

Or feel,
I’m losing me,
Alone fighting for us in this quicksand you told me was called love!

I can not be loving you like this,
Feeling like am losing a little part of me,
With each skipped beat from a heart that no longer wants to feel,

I can not be loving you like this,
Dreaming dreams I will never live,
And grasping onto pieces of our sinking ship!

Or feeling;
Like I am alone roaming this earth
Living in the memories of our last kiss

I can not be loving you like this,
Wishing you were here kissing my lips,
And living in a castle that we will never build!

Or losing,
Me, while I seek thee,
In your world where you see all but me,

I simply can not go on;
Loving you,
No, not like this!

I can not feel,
When you standing there smiling at me,
I can not be loving you, no not like this!

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Living life
to please
others
is a
waste of
time.

Where do they all go
the unspoken words
Do they melt, into nothingness
burning in the backs of our throats
Or delve into the blue deepness of our thoughts
a sunken treasure
I think they hitch rides
with the hopeless
and the heartbroken
Sitting heavy on shoulders

And I'm walking with the weight of the world
and I'm walking with the weight of the world

You gave me something to lose
don't worry I am happy even with your residues

Forgotten notes are far sweeter
to the remembering measure
the delectable silence to meditate in
flowing between the years of leisure

cha-cha-cha, scatter and sway the sounds
of a sunday road slowly stealing desire
danço a hula huki e o cha-cha-cha~
hair flows in the cleave of sweet auric air

Stay immortal,
leave your legacy

Conquer the greatest dragon
rescue the bravest princess
find your hero
deep within

yes,
"i've got everything."
i know i do,
but the darkness doesn't discriminate
like you want it to.
it chases me despite my privilege,
despite my "perfect education,"
my "perfect family,"
my "perfect life,"
despite your protesting.
you cannot stop the darkness,
no matter how hard you try.
you cannot stop the darkness,
and neither can I.

on your last day
the sun was shining
and big white clouds ran across the sky

someone held you tight
and told you, "i love you"
admired you
and cherished you

on your last day
all of your love poured out

you inspired
and you soared
you lived
and you died

your love remains
always

let me tell you about the olden days,
they were just gone,
and all you'd see,
is the sun getting up,
from dawn to dawn.
oh, the olden days,
they are just gone,
no sense no thoughts,
no lies they just ran.
and soon,
you look at the mirror,
a white head with a frown,
what's wrong old man?
your days are gone.
let me live mine now,
but I can't,
this old liver is leaking,
my bile turned to stone,
oh, olden days what happened?
I've done wrong.

I feel like I’m in a dark room
Without light or a sense of direction
I used to be scared by the infinite gloom
But now I know you’re somewhere in it