As the blade pierced my skin,
I wondered if it reached your heart --
As all our sadness, fears, guilt and sins
Chased us away, taking us farther apart.

As my soul screamed for you,
On this battle we persisted to fight
I saw your bloody carcass
And the blade sinks deeper at the sight.

I cried out in despair over your flesh
Screaming, cursing, refusing to part.
I grew bitter and darkness fell over us
And the blade sank into my own heart.

The tendons
in your body
must rip and tear,
must bleed
and suffer
to become stronger,

and I think
it must be the same
for our
hearts.

Found all over the world,
And spreading the deadly views
Of hate-mongering preachers
From whom they get their cues,

Unchristianly Christians
Peddle their thou-shalt-nots
And never question the dogma
That slyly poisons their thoughts.

“It has to be right for you,
Since it's right for me.”
That’s what most of them think
Who judge to the nth degree.

If your beliefs are different
Or vary from theirs, forget
Heartfelt understanding;
You're too much of a threat.

Other religions, too,
Are certainly not exempt
From dangerous fanatics
Whose actions draw contempt.

Twisting the sacred scriptures
To suit their misinformed needs,
They act without perceiving
The shallowness of their deeds.

People are ostracized
And even lose their lives
When shameful ideology
Or noxious ignorance thrives.

And hypocrites abound.
We often hear of them--
The ones who criticize others,
Then do what they condemn.

How sad it is when people’s
Actions demonstrate
How little they love to love
But how they love to hate!

(10-19-17) By Bob B

You want a poem?

I have nothing to say

The less I write

The more strengthened

I feel towards my words

Seems like forever since I have been away
Thinking about you nothing goes by not even a day
Life with you was my escape from a world that hurts
Now there there is just a hole where my heart was
My mind a blank eyes just a stare
One day maybe it will all come clear.

Sometimes, the only person who will be around to pick you up
off the floor
and run you a warm bath will be yourself;
and that's okay.

Just maybe the stars used this navy blanket as their catharsis;
did you think that your uncaring hands on my face
my arms
my torso
was the same?
Because the stars had a
choice
and the night sky was more soundproof than these walls-
though you didn't seem too concerned;
lashing words out like slaps
or was it the other way around?
(connecting the dots
with unscarred patches of skin left is easier said than done;
you made me hate the colour violet anyways.)
Fast forward to a few light years
where the same swings I'd enjoyed during my childhood
repurposed itself
as the rope I'd temporarily worn like a necklace;
(they weren't supposed to be that tight anyways
and silly me hadn't kicked the chair away far enough.)
Dazed eyes and mind all muddled up taking in my new surroundings-
unmarred white with my hands secured to the small bed;
hadn't I been so disoriented
I might've noticed that familiar shadow hurriedly slip from my room
just as the monitor
beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbe-
and
then
nothing.
The night I died
the stars shone on;
I'd like to believe their way of release
was easier than mine.
// there has to be more than this //

Maybe it's been written
somewhere in the constitution
     of the waning moon

                                         ― When somebody loves you,
                                               you can never be lonely ―

But, appearances
  to the contrary,
the moon is sometimes blue;

counting stars alone
in a sky full of stars
is just about as lonely
as 'once in a blue moon'
                              can be ―

Like when the night is yours alone
                  or feeling alone
               in a crowded room

hearing Hank Williams moan within your silence
       "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry"

                                         ― When it's hard to say
                                               you love someone,..
                                               but it's harder to say
                                               when you don't ―

                • • •

A coyote's pleading howl
breaks the silent twilight engulfing trance
cast by the dappled moonlight;
like there's some kind of lonely madness
    swallowing him whole
                     as
    these two hollow eyes
                 gaze out through
                                     the chilly
                                             refreshed
                                                     Autumn air
                                                of the open window,

                                                        ­           counting stars ― alone
                                                           ­             in a sky full of stars

                                                       ­             the crackle of the fireplace
                                                       ­            echoes, startling the silence
                                                         ­                of a feigned warmth
                                                                ­          from the other side
                                                                ­ of an otherwise hollow room

and i feel frayed as a hole in an empty pocket with nothing left to lose

the impending dark winter nights are lonesome
            and  linger longer than before ...
  
seeing the empty space beside me
   I remember how it really really aches to be
                                                            lone­some as a blue moon ― 

✩                   ✩                        ✩                                       ­ 
                ✩                   ✩                    ✩                           
✩          ­                                                      ✩
         ­                                                                 ­                                 ☽

moonless ― rivers ... 2017

I held your heart in my hand,
Held it aloft beneath the moons glint,
Squeezing it sponge like
Until it oozed deep red rain,
Tingeing the clouds
Scarlet to crimson, ruby to blood.

The harder I squeezed
The more your heart emptied,
Trickling rivulets that
Traced the map of veins in my arm,
Soaking into my shirt,
White linen turning deceptively black
Beneath a dark sky.

I felt your heart pulsating,
Reacting against my grasp,
Forcing my clawed fingers to flat open palm,
My hold forcefully released.
I thought it would fall
And lie beating but beaten on the ground.
Instead, it rose unaided,
Elevated enough to obscure the cold moon,
Pulsating, vibrating, transforming,
Until it became the moon itself
And turned the sky black-red.

And now I hide within the bleak woods,
I feel your pinching hold,
Your tightening clench,
And I feel your gravitational pull,
Crashing me like a wave
Against the jagged rocks
Of what remains of us.

What part of God's love
Do you not understand
Where is your compassion
For your fellow man
Why is it that you hate
The way others might live
When excuses you continue to make
For your very own sin

What part of God's grace
Do you not get
The mere fact it's clearly here
So that you yourself might live
He knows the moment where you're at
And where it is you've been
Where all that you have when all is said
Again is your sin

What part of God's mercy
Do you not show
Do you help the lowly
And the widow alone
Are you there for the poor
Who call the streets their home
What part of God
Do you fail to show

Silence is also conversation.

he sat on the broken rock,
mesmerised by the morning blue of the sky,
he could see the little mermaid,
going in and out with each wave

he could see the mountains,
and their shadow, floating-
like the dead bodies in any sea
with wind.

how normal failure is,
he thought in a moment of pause,
how normal it is, to not be alive,
the little man said a little louder from the deepest architect of his mind.

he sat wondering about what he came to know,
he sat wandering about in the fields of drought and flowers, insignificance and knowledge,
of thirst and hunger, and something alien that comes with those two.

he sat where he could see the sky and it's blue, and he wondered, lost-
if the sky could ever see or know, how beautiful it is and was ?

and he thought to himself, is that is why there are lakes and ocean's, he blamed-
is that is why it rains ?

If I left he would be ok?
Stop thinking only of him
Can I stay?
Can my heart stay?
Wait until you are sure, and then do with courage what must be done
Do with courage what must be done to be true to your soul
Safety is not where fulfillment lies.

first,
you will try to recollect the way i smile
the lines that my eyes make and the light that shines through them
the way i squint when i try to read letters that are far too small
the different wavelengths of laughter
the sneaky one when the politician i voted for won against yours
the sarcastic one when i insult your favorite football team

then you will try to remember the way i ate
the mess i made when i tried to gather rice in my hands
the smile when all of you were not too happy about the mess

then you will remember when i stopped using my walking stick
and when it hurt to walk

then you will realize you can't remember if my favorite sarong is checkered or plain
if it was indigo or brown
was it silk, was it cotton?

then you will realize that the newspaper company you still subscribe to, in memory of me - has shut down
then you will realize my favorite tv show has aired its season finale, and they're not available online
then you will realize my optician no longer makes lenses to the glasses i used to wear
then you will realize the wooden chair i used to live in
has shattered


that is when,
you will take a step back


and i will be

nothing
but
a
faded
memory

Today I laid in bed a total of 7 more minutes than I should have
before rushing to get ready for work.
I let that sinking feeling pull me under.
Drowning in my own bed,
No thoughts actually running through my head,
Just a mind numbing realisation that I’ll have to get up at some point.  
But I just laid there.
No emotion on my face.
Eyes glued to the ceiling
Blinking every 4 seconds,
Before letting out a long sigh
as if my soul had been sent back to me.
Then i caried on with the day as normal.

He was
     my favorite book
           Few pages could bring tears  
                   in the corners of my eyes
                            unknowingly. Softly
                                
                         Most of them
              could make my heart
     smile widely
                
I touched every pages
        every words behind words
                     My soul craved to read him
                             for a thousand times over
                        My solitude ached for him
    like Sunflowers missing the Sun

She sighed
"Your poetry made my heart bleed
like oil, washed up, on the coast"

She said
"Your loving words butter me
like I was hot toast"

She cooed
"Speak to me so lovely
and my body swoon"

She cried
"Tell me of our union
beneath a silver, moon"

She talked of things
I've never knew before
leaving me, the only thing too say
"Please baby, tell me more!"

"Come up to my room"
She coyly did proclaim
"There you can prose me all you want
again, again....again"

I’m 5’9”, loud and strong. 

I’ve got big hair, perfect brows and a straight back.

I radiate confidence, sexuality and metaphorical balls as my curvy hourglass figure walks with purpose down the street.

My attitude says “There’s nothing I can not do.”

My eyes say “You wanna fight? I’m ready.”

To them, I’m a lioness. 

I protect all that is mine — except from myself. 

Behind the facade, I am small. 

Behind my words, I am afraid. 

Behind my sunglasses, my eyes are wet. 

And under my luxury lingerie, I am naked, just like my soul is when I’m writing.

I’m not who they think I am, are you?

Make your day lovely
Fill it with big happy smiles
And cups of coffee

Celebration of Life
I don' wanna live my life...
I wanna lead it...
so that It must wonder
What I'm gonna give it...

Then I came to know,
What the life is...
Life's a celebration...
Or Celebration of life,
IN THE NAME OF THE BEST WITHIN US

I have disabled myself,
Thinking about you.
Forty three self induced bruises
to the head, to the head
Forty five, forty six

I got that vibe,
That feeling from you.
I start my appointment
At eight thirty two,
Thirty three, thirty four.

Forty eight, forty nine.

It is not the cure
That will help this,
But only you.
Thirty five, thirty six.

Fifty two, fifty three.

So I try to get you
Out of my head...

Fifty two, fifty three.
So that I can be free.

I have disabled myself
Thinking about you,
But now that I am free,
I don't know what to do.

she understands my heart
she is forgiving
she is kind
she holds me when I don't know why I'm crying
she listens while I try my best to explain why I'm scared, or why I'm anxious, or why I'm sad, or why something means so much to me
and then she never forgets to say, "I'm always here, if you want to talk more"
she has the best taste in music
she got me in the habit of taking my medicine every day
she takes care of me, and pretty much everything else
she cleans the litter box when I'm in too much pain, even though she hates dealing with shit
she even deals with my crazy family

I love her because
she encouraged me to go to all the doctors when I was scared and in denial that I was getting sick
and now
she drives me to every appointment, she sits with me,
waits with me,
and then sometimes she speaks for me because she knows what it sounds like when articulation fails me, and my words get all caught up in my brain, confused on which order to come out

I love her because
she's my good feeling
she makes my stomach flip
she's my favorite smell
she kisses me with soft lips and care
she has little ears and freckles and the best damn smile you've ever seen

I love her because
when I was awful, she loved me
when I was lost in the darkest nights, she made my mind a better place

I love her because I used to spend weeks in storms of dark, listening to sad music and writing sad poetry

and now I write things like this
and listen to ridiculous happy fun music with her and we sing like fools
and she says "thanks for doing life with me"
and I have never been more at peace

They tell me to believe in it,
Says it feels like magic
But all I’ve seen is tragic
Because momma always blames her addiction
On what was supposed  to be the love of her life
My father.
A man who took her youth, along with dignity, confidence
And a heart she never had much use for after he took off.
Because of love she never notice me,
Because of love our family is a tragedy.
Maya Angelou went in and out of time
While old folks laughed at the stupidity,
The old adage or illusion we dragged our behinds into.
Something that is there but never existed.
Saint Valentine, sorry to disappoint
But your blood,
Your blood was spilled in vain.
Love is red like the February  14th,
And also like gunshot  wounds of soldiers
And cardiac ones of their wives back home.
So what is love?
Ladies and gentlemen love is nothing
But pain with no gain
A sunflower fruitlessly blossoming in the rain.

feel the muscles tensing there
softly hear my praises sing
raise my pulse, and pull my hair--
my body is a loving thing.

touch my neck: its hairs will raise
feel my goosebumps spread;
if your lips on mine should graze
i shall never join the dead.

but to you i'm only skin
and all my tears are not enough
to baptize me from how you've sinned
and how you took advantage, love.

....and in your gigantic presence
With your miniscule body
You are the mirror
Of the deepest stars
Past the spaces between
Spaces,
Into the mist
Your red tailed gaze
Into the echoes
Of Babylon's Gardens,
A grace in a dance
Of your broken life,

The glutton behind the father
Who took you,
The tumultuous perfume
Left with scars behind the drapes
The neighbors couldn't hear,

The sadness in your soul
Inside the woman who
Loves me,
Slender hopes under the lines
Of the dream's eyes,
Your ears never caught
The exhausted bitterness
That only heard an immense
Change in the future,

I am here woman,
As you bite your silver lips,
Arc your metallic spine,
And the bronze shine in your
Otherwise copper hair,
I become a Magnetar
In the metallics of your body,
Mighty embraces will kiss
The crystalline eyes
With lips on fire
And singing redemption's lullaby,

Together killing your past,
Your hands hold distant visions
That bloom living roses,
Who tears are of lost lilies
In an ebony pond,
A fertile present
Gives birth the momentous,
No one can change your past,
But you're a basacrifice
Void of alcoholic bliss,
The grapes before
Now dead forever
Is a sober feeling.

Magnolia of mine,
Like a flowerbed of omnipotent
Desires,
You bloom the sex
With a martyrs sacrifice,
Your hopeless days are gone
And  I am grateful for
The circles under your eyes,
The vain of your existed
Pains,
Your heart transfixed by the
Newness of our love,
Though you still look at the old
Curtains,
The confused and turbid tumult
That bore it's hole
Into your ways,
I have come when you began
To love again the life
Over a darkness under the
Nights skin,
Tearing away the darkness,
A dawn song has spread
Over the horizon,
And your light is a melancholy
Of stars,
From your eyes grow
An ocean of time,
And here we float with hope
I can only Revere
That all the worst
Life gave to you,
A fleece of golden grace

And I can only be thankful
As your sorrow
Has birthed a certain kind
Of grace with the
Pieces left intact.

With open minds and eager eyes,
We think naïve thoughts
And read cliché quotes.

But our thoughts are troubled
With damaged dreams,
And heavy hearts.

Nothing seems demeaning.
Everything looks sensualising.
Yet, only a few of us are dominating.
Those familiar hallways mean more than you think.

They say we don’t know real pain,
That our life is merely a game.

We are teenagers.
Our game is complex and cruel.
They wouldn’t stand a chance.