I can't write when I want to
Only when I need to

You called yourself a failure because you chipped a finger nail.
That’s when I knew I needed so much more than you;
and you needed so much less of me.

Will you just say goodbye
then walk away?
Or will I hear I love yous
almost every day
because you chose to stay?

my grip is slipping,
and falling scares me.
my world is fading away.
h      
          e
                     l
                             p
       m
                 e

h
          e
                    l
                          ­     p
          m
                     e

writing was an escape but even now words slip off the paper like tear drops.

are farsighted? I’m splitting in two
in front of them, and still I can’t get
their attention. They walk over me like
I’m fallen leaves. I feel so used. I beg and

I plead for some relief. But they think it’s
my usual drama. So, I wear my steely armor
and smile. I’m not fooling anyone, least of all
myself. So, I hide in a bottle like a ship. And just like

the ship I can’t get out of the narrow
mouth. And there’s a cork at the head that won’t let
anything in. So, here I’m all alone by myself, which is
something I’m used to. And now since I’m split at the bow
I’ve no masts but two hulls.

We are all the shades of the rainbow they couldn't see when the sun was out. The perfectly mixed pallet, bursting with purples and pinks pouring out positivity; permeating love.

Justifying
                  Understanding
                                            Nurturing
                                                          Existence
                                                          Peaceful
                                           Resistance
                               Inspired
                  Despite
Expectations

As the days go by I am grateful to be by your side,
The many ups and downs we share only makes us stronger.
When we lie in bed together with your arms around me, I feel the safest.
I can let go of all my worries, fears and doubts.

I am your queen and you are my king until the ends of time.
My dreams are part of yours, my amputations are yours.

When life throws us obstacles we over come them. When we stand hand in hand nothing can stop us.
My heart is yours deom now until the end of time

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

this is definitely,
not right for me...
even if sometimes,
I want it to be.
it might be true,
that this is what's easy,
but I feel so hollow:
I feel empty.
I can hear your voice,
you sound so giddy.
your elation points out,
my misery.

when i lay down,
i don't think of you,
i think of him:

and i am sorry.

I wish winter could stay a little longer
And my dreams could last forever
Thoughts are better left in the past
Just like any other pain
Reality has become a loose connection
My mind tells me stories in the calming rain
Life is torture if you think it is
And I can't think any other way

how will i ever
lead a beautiful life
if i am preoccupied
with the idea
that i am not

She wait for the person, second by second,
She was to see them, and check in.

She got all dressed,
And got made to look best.

Though she waited and waited,
She got tired and stated;

"A table for one, please."
As she felt the tease.

I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

i have never written for anyone
i write for myself
so when i gifted poems to you
know it wasn’t just poems my dear
it was my heart
~e.m

she waits until the door closes,
and pauses,
and listens,
while her hands grip the bathroom counter,
white like the first blizzard of a snowy December,
and hawklike she listens,
for the slightest creak of the floorboards,
for a stifled hum or a muffled footstep,
and when she hears no one,
her face begins to break,
like a piece of china crashing to the ground in slow motion,
and with one shuddering breath,
she allows herself to fall to pieces.

If it were real,  it'd never be over

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.

when you spin
the world spins too
a swirly mess of colors and hues
vibrant blues and greens that dance across a stage
long silk ribbons of blonde hair cry out from their cage
yellow pearls sprinkled on a green blurry mass
“slow down” screams the landscape
“can’t” you laugh “ I’m going too fast!”

I believe in Magic.
Not the dream come true kind but the gathering
I know it’s just some stupid card game
But when you don’t know how to make friends
Maybe a little magic will help.

Tend to me
Like a thirsty garden once forgotten
Sing to me
Like a crying infant, pure and innocent
Hug me
Like an old friend years after
Look at me
Like an abstract painting, more complex with each glance
Touch me
Like the the cold steel strings of your guitar
Love me
Like you did before

watch it rise to your nose,
feelings tossed in your sea,
do you have self-control,
as you come after me?
will you tear me apart,
am i flesh you can use?
damaged goods in her eyes,
i can handle abuse.
kept your teeth on my lips,
while you opened your eyes,
i will keep mine both shut,
while i feel my blood rise.

I'm full of inkles
and spitz
and the neighborhood
zinkles
are having ruzberry
fitz

They teng
and they weng
on the bridge
of oh-seng
and just past the cardon
we all go ba
zeng

it bangs
and it clangs
when your zing
rangs a zang
an' oh uh lo
mo blankling
and crankling
we go

i anchor
myself
to the back
of your mind
you wish
me away
but here
i still linger

You tend to me
in a way
no one else has before,
letting me grow
anew.

Do you need me?
Or do you need someone?
There is a difference...

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own

got to eat them as they darken
reddened ruby to black constant opal
berries will rot quickly if you don’t
or they’ll taste real gooey and wierdy
if you let the drupelets’ colors get
unsynchronized like summer and fall

...why am i telling you this?
because i learned that the hard way
and the days go away in the gleam
heavy showers and peak-a-boo sun
the east barely bracing for the storm
and the sweetness decaying like the leaves

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

the good ole days are here and now
the setting of our future nostalgia
and happy reminiscence

live life without looking back
so that one day
it’s worth turning around for