the hardest part
was admitting
not, that i had
loved you once
and it was lost
but, that i had
loved you once
and never stopped

I thought

we’ve been    through it all

but you            threw it all

 away.

-

nothing is left
                             now but
  
my broken pieces

You were everything I want, nothing that I need
But I grew out of wanting the apple on The Tree.

I'm stronger than you think, you know.

I will bloom despite the snow.

i don’t find myself writing love poetry as often anymore.
i wonder to myself;
is it because i have lost the words for which to describe you,
or have i lost you to the words?

— i don’t want to know the answer

spreading myself thin
giving away pieces of me
feels too late to quit
but I can hardly breathe

deep inside
it's antagonizing

I know
I keep doing this **** to myself
can blame no one else
for my faults

I keep on giving
more than what's deserved
an impulsive decision
putting other people first

giving in
to the worst
giving in
giving all for nothing

i don’t love you and it hurts
i love you and it hurts anyway

whisper your sweet words
so no one can hear them, but us

hide your gentle touches
so no one can yearn to feel them, but us

....because I'm selfish,
I only want you to myself

The degree seems perfect
balanced
between inebriants
taunting joy and depth
with discoloration

Instants strung out
waiting for acceptance
I accept I accept this
reality's
smoking gun

and head for another
lens on alliteration
I am a sounding
a turgid probe
reaching

I wait for understanding
in semi-darkness
Babylon plays
in the background
sinking

Your internal organs
push on
relentless while
your explanations run
to catch up

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

our love was the look you gave me -
full of longing -

controlling me with your voice
and your legs,

until i collapsed, wild and hungry,
desolate and content,

every heartbeat seeking love,
every dream imagined.

Korean cherry blossoms cling to limbs  like frozen drops of water. Each pink blossom with its red throat when near a body of water
leaves a beautiful water reflection. As the wind makes its way through the trees,, the sky is like a parade  full of whirling confetti.

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

we sell songs of sadness
for 200k a pop
money can’t buy you happiness
but sorrow could buy you a lot

your absence
makes me question
my presence

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

And when I met you
       I had no idea
That all the seemingly small moments
Would collect like raindrops in a storm

        I didn’t event stand a chance

Swept away

         But ,oh, the ride was beautiful

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

i never intended
to take apart
all the pieces
you glued back
together

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

After I looked at the sun
I could see nothing else