I woke to cry
Greiving love I'll never have
Lost in the depths of loneliness
Until I realized
It wasn't lack of love
That had me down
It was my newly tightened braces
Hurting like hell

in the lust of the dust
past the lust and the just
past the fast and the last
the remorse the of course
past the cast
in the break
in mistake
is the trust

A peaceful mind,
Full of ladybugs,
A warm breeze,
A reassuring hand in mine.
I look and it’s you.
A perfect smile on your lips,
Your the peace I was looking for.

falling
falling
falling
streaming song of rain
drop the ups
up
the downs
drown the sounds



the rocks are the clocks


stream the dream


(I could write the drops in but I thought you'd like to hear them yourself)

what have i done
to be so undeserving
and unworthy
of feeling loved
by you

Her eyes were fiery
While her lips peeled away
Her sun was setting
But her colors never fade
When she bites she is bitter
But when she smiles she is sweet
Like a nectarine emblem
She’s the fruit of life’s tree.

/
/
/
/
/
Cakes,
Candles,
Balloons and,
Flowers are all things of the past..

Now, we only deliver
.
.
.
.
"Sincere Prayers"

in my words i give my heart
but my heart can't be erased
i can't take out the question marks
and put periods in their place

in my words i give my side
to the story that i relate
in these lines i will confide
and try to tell it straight

in my words i give my soul
how my soul has been misplaced
i can only speak of what i know
and everything i have faced

in my words i give my heart
but my heart can't be erased
i can't take out the periods
and put commas in their place

My heart has loved you more every day— how much I loved you then, is twice as much now. And as much as I love you now, I know there’s more to come.

Threads so perfectly entangled,
Only the sharpest of instruments could separate.
Even had we been careful or courteous,
surely it would have nicked our hearts.

Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame

Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face

Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate

Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place

Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate

Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create

Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

He asked her what it's like living with anxiety.

She smiled sadly, "It's a never-ending pulse-race. Like knowing you don't want to jump off a cliff but not being able to talk yourself down from it.

Your fears take on a nebulous, unidentifiable form that tightens around your throat and incapacitates you.

There is no calm. No peace. Only the edge of a very strained thread."

I woke up from a nightmare
I could not stand to keep
to myself

you were stretched across the couch
coffee going cold on the table
a half finished cigarette
still burning

you wrapped me up
in kind words that
I could not bare
to hear

whispered into my ear
"one day we will go wandering
and this tiny house will overspill
with dreams'

you are not your memories, darling
you are not the bad things
that have been done to you
you are a fierce flame
that warms my heart

forget them, my love
they are nothing
and you, and you
are everything

Dear self,
In losing you

Days seem blurry
Nights seem scary

Heart grows weary
Eyes turn teary

I lost the merry
I lost the power to write my story

I wonder if I really am kind hearted.
Most people think it’s true,
But maybe I’m just afraid of being mean-
Maybe I’m afraid of being you.

pärlgråa vindar
stryker köld över kinder
en film spelas upp
en man som är en skugga
visar hemvägen

sound of wings flapping
butterfly on window pane
see the flowers bloom.
19/10/2021

no one loves me
but they claim they care
if they really did wouldn't they see

i am falling apart
fragile to the touch
yet they keep on pushing me

closer to the edge
and they think i can take more
so they push farther till i'm at the brink

it's like they know i can't swim
but they are going overboard
and they'll be suprised when i sink

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

Heart shape
if you split it in half
different question marks
appear

Loving heart
different question marks
meet to complete

Question,
that's good
stepping stones of love
.......

Destiny
determines the destination

Tonight,
question you
because
you are my destiny.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

lights flicker
in the distance
far far below

I’m here
looking down on it all
wrapped in a blanket
a book lies next to me
pages flipping themselves
in the cool summer breeze
inside are the sounds of life
outside are the sounds
of the questioning
the air is filled
with random notes
fluttering around me
like guardian angels
I know why they’re here

darkness
sat down
next to me
to keep me company
we look at the flickering lights
in the distance
he tells me
you’d do fine down there
if you wanted to
be a light
surrounded by light
but then he shifts his gaze
the moonlight
dancing through his being
but you’d do great
up there
be a light
where no one has dared to be
and with that
he left

Don't get too ambitious
It's a path you might get stuck
"Icarus burned down"
But darling, I'll just fire up

"I" is the alien occupying "me".

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

when the rungs of the ladder break from above
only the strong-willed and agile can cling to the sides
and keep on climbing

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

we do not write poetry
we write mirrors
which are held up
to curious faces
who read
looking for their
own reflections