Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
        He shatters everything.
He shattered everything.

Who loves me?
No one perhaps.
But you loved me,
And now you're gone.
I reminisce on times past
as I sit here all alone.

You would smile at me and tell me things
Like our love was greater than life.
But now I know
and now I see
That it couldn't have been,
for you're not here with me.

its 5 am and I'm staring out the window into the never ending dark.
the sun begins to rise above the horizon,
broken by trees that glow from the dusty colours behind them.

To be loved by them.  
Hate what they Hate.

Have you ever met a person who at first glance you're not attracted to but then you talk and with every laugh, every smile and they became more handsome until you can't believe that there was a moment you didn't think they were.

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms

Sometimes when all of my memories and thoughts about you build up, my tongue feels like its too big for my mouth and the wind feels like needles. My brain feels like cotton and all I can smell is that very specific, heart beating too fast, stomach in my throat kind of scent. I hate it.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

i never intended
to take apart
all the pieces
you glued back
together

in another life, maybe i could have laced
your fingers in mine
chasing starlight down the line
and finding out we'd
never have enough time.

when summer ends, when hearts bloom-
you'll look at her
i'll look at you.

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

Face your fears with me,
and we will conquer them
together.
No more running,
no more shying away from that
which is unpleasant.
You are courageous and virtuous,
and the sum of all your mistakes
will never be the sum of all you are.
Gaze at what is harsh and real with me,
let me be your eyes,
let me catch you if you stumble -
we will both fall inevitably.
Let truth only fall from our lips,
and we will always be whole,
we will always find
a way.

My heart lives with you
Everywhere I go
I am alive
I am living
And I am growing
You are growing
But my heart lives with you
I still look for you In crowded rooms
And everyone I meet, is not you
I can’t move on
But that is okay.
I run from another’s touch
Because I can’t let the lingering feeling of yours go.
Can’t imagine another feeling of someone’s skin
Because it is not yours.
I am waiting for you
Because when I am done growing
And you are done growing
Maybe we will grow back together
And finally see what it was that we left behind.
My heart still lives with you.

It was always you by my side;
It was always us
Pulling the sun into the sky and
Taking walks into dawn.

I think it was always there
This feeling
Buried somewhere beneath
The contentment and “guarantee”
That you would always be there.

We never needed any words
Our silence spoke our truths—

I know it was always there,
I just wish I realized earlier.
I wish I realized that I love you
Before I learned what it feels like
to lose you.

Best friend,
I now know that
I never fell in love with you,
I loved you since the beginning.

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I hope there’s a place
Or better, a time
When all this crazy
Is no longer mine

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

You're thirsty?
Here.
Let me offer you some of my tears!
(I've got plenty)

no late changes
very crowded shadows
trail is unknown
how do you feel yesterdays

one pit