healing is a heart itching.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

Above in Maroon.

Pond.
Suffer numb.
Hurry.
Sick of.
Sicko.
Sewing grass into clothes.
Glitter for the sleep.
Eyeshadow and weep.
From Let her dance to Wanna be sedated.


Garrett Johnson.

I traced the texture of your words
Like my heart was blind
And your voice was braille

você me mostrou que eu não posso confiar em nada que não seja solidão

My stomach turns and hurts
nauseous all the time-
The pain feels so much greater
when you are on my mind.
The tears want to fall
and I want to walk away-
Dreading this feeling of sadness
that you make me feel each day.
No longer make me happy
but just always want to cry-
Can't see myself being with you
don't even want to try.
Finding an excuse to be away
not feel this pain so true-
Don't want to feel such hatred
that I feel when I'm with you.

It's been three sunrises since my eyes have closed
Ain't had a drink in one long week
There's toil and trouble, my brain is like rubble
My vision is blurry
Mine eyes doth see double

My conscience has not been acquitted
I sold it to the highest bidder
My brain is a mess, a pawn within chess
By my demons, I've been slighted
There's much to confess

Ambition had been twisted in unscrupulous knots
I stared blankly at the ceiling until the sun rose
My mind is a maze; I've been up for days
My stomach is empty
My demons sing praise

I haphazardly buried my reckless past
Indeed, it repaid me with a cruel vengeance
Collecting my fears through so many years
I've poisoned my body
With too many beers...

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

i spend my days
pouring myself into the cups of others

only to find that
when it’s time for myself
to take a sip

all that’s left
in my cup
is the remainder of a girl
who gave too much

I creep down the stairs and slip ominously into the room
Unnoticed, all I wanted was to bring you a smile of happiness
To make you feel precious, loved and special
Leave behind the blinding fog and the weighted gloom

Fear only consumes an ego left vulnerable, damaged and broken
It lives and breathes off the unconscious mind
Hoping you remain desensitised , empty and numb
Longing for you to stay silent, mute and unspoken

She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote

I'm sinking farther into the sea
Air cut off, unable to breathe

But it's not all too bad
The water's warm
and the fish look nice

It's a shame I can only see this
By myself
at the end.

You broke your own heart
by the risky knife of love
and now you bleed
so you stitch it
with thread of all
painful yet so precious
memories of him.

Go on,
crowned warrior.
be braver,
for all wounds heal
when patched
with what bleeds heart.

There are approximately 470,000 words in the English language

4 syllables in “Hey, How are you?”

9 letters in “Beautiful”

3 words in “I love you”

And still

I can’t find a single thing to say

When your smile accidentally makes my day.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I hate to drive away from the sun
Leaves me with sorrow in my blood
Open doors leave me tightly spun
Six legs across the window pane
Legs so pale they make my mother look bright
Even she glows in the night like a puddle under lamplight

You.
Are.
A.
Walking.
Masterpiece.

Check message
Facebook
Check message
Instagram
Check message
Send message
Wait
Check
Look;

When did relationships
Get defined
By a read receipt?
Will we
Now
Only measure intimacy
By a tweet?

What do we have left,
Why can’t we
Go back
To laughter
In a diner seat

If I die today
Not much in the world would change
A clump of cells gone,
Dreams extinguished, Love dissolved
Bookshelves left to rot.
Loved ones crying will move on
God knows where I'd be
Might as well take it easy
Enjoy what's left of my time

Guy, thanks for reading my posts but I am learning, even as such an old man.  I feel, I reflect, I question, I observe, I doubt, I fall back on my experience, I take in the wisdom of others, humbly, sincerely and gratefully,  I challenge myself,  I take blame for my wrong perceptions, my unkind acts and my unfair judgement of others, I accept my fallibility, my faults and my weaknesses, I adapt, I modify, I change when such is called for, and last, but not least, I accept my mortality and I prepare myself for this eventuality, with the utmost humility.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

you’re like a mental map
that i use
everytime i get lost
in somebody’s eyes
to remind myself
it’s not worth a try

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I read to forget
But I never
Forget what I read

There are tragedies throughout the ages.
The adage is what comes goes.  God knows
this is true. But don't be blue,
because love is right around the corner;  
just take the turn. If you are burned,
love will be your salve. Blue skies
will stop your crying, dying
in your hugs and laughter.
After a few moments, you'll forget
your sorrows. Tomorrow is another day.
Come to me, my love. You are the dove
that flies in my heart. Hold me close.
Never let me go. I love you so.

TOD HOWARD HAWKS