I hope there’s a place
Or better, a time
When all this crazy
Is no longer mine

There is now a sense within my soul
of  the world’s time running as a frightened deer
through open meadows of terror
through darkened woods of fear
leaping across ever widening streams
of lost and soon to be forgotten dreams

The marks you left behind after the bruises faded
A flinch at a hesitant touch
Afraid to be alone with someone
Afraid to be touched in a hug
It isn't on purpose
I swear
I just panic at touches even by family
From what you left when the bruises had healed over

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms

Death of love is a familiar form
Foreshadowed this heart forlorn
I didn't fear while I was under
The dark figure at my feet
Whom judged me so rightfully
For that, I wish I had an explanation
Above all else

I have looked into the eyes of the Devil.

They looked back at me,
reflected
in the mirror above my
bathroom sink.

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

I watch them as they pass
Jealous of their weightlessness.

Filled with the air
My lungs so long for.

But I myself
I remain.

Far too heavy
for any such grace.

In a world where time waits for no one, I am a ticking time bomb.  Each letter like the second hand of a clock, waiting for an explosion of words.

are my feelings a joke to you?
do my feelings matter?
they're ******.
i don't need feelings.
feelings drag people down.
emotions are useless.
emotions take up too much time.

i never intended
to take apart
all the pieces
you glued back
together

we embarked on our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears embedded in that memory.
a kiss with tears still forming in your eyes
as you remembered a former lover,
your almost.
ultimately, we are ended our journey together with a kiss --
a kiss with tears swimming from our eyes,
trickling down to our lips.
a kiss that meant the end of me for you,
as you did the same thing your former lover did,
and became my almost.

I'm cold, scared
You didn't come home

i never dreamt about you.
my dreams are just extensions of reality
but sweeter,
and with you,
what is there to improve?

Nothing's wrong
Nothing's right,
Can't get my head
Or my words
Together tonight.
Save it to draft,
Wait for a scotch day,
When not good enough
Is okay...

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

you remind me of quiet weekends —
of breezy morning air touching skin,
of warm bright sunlight touching skin,
of silent calm waves touching skin,
of bed silk covers touching skin,
of skin touching skin.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

When I lay
down to sleep,
I pray my dreams
to become a reality.
For my dreams
may seem unrealistic.
But, for me
I know,
that one morning
I will awake,
with my dreams unfolding.

you feel distant
but at the same time so close
a thousand miles away
and also nose to nose
my heart feels like it’s breaking
but also as if it smiles
the daytime feels like darkness
yet the darkness feels like light

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

You're thirsty?
Here.
Let me offer you some of my tears!
(I've got plenty)

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

She had
more
important
things
to
do,
like
gallop
through nature
&
scream
at
the
moon.


12:53am

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.