time is taken for granted,
until it is gone;
however, once i stop,
time continues to count on.

when i cease to exist,
it'll all stay the same;
what's the point of going on
when i can make no change?

I Could Tell You a Story

that would fill your eyes with
condensation. You would drop
your head. Your chin sitting on your neck,
almost a bow of respect for what I went
through.
But I wouldn’t do that to you.

I could tell you a story
that would have your fingers scrunched
tightly in a ball, with your nails digging
themselves in your palm. That would have your
hair stand to attention on your arm.
But I wouldn’t do that to you.

I could tell you a story
that would make you think about people
you thought you knew. That would have your head
going around in circles. That would leave you
shaking and perspiring as if you had the flu. I would
even include me in the story.
But I wouldn’t do that to you.

Surprisingly,
You still talk in riddles;
They are old and mouldy.
Your laughter and tears
Have not refreshed them.
They make our lives
More complicated,
They are a ruse.
Do not make me infer
The impossible
To solve them
And lose everything that exists.
Do not irritate me.

I ended things because I care about you.

My body aches
My mind awake
My heart saddened
My soul stained

My mother told me all humans were angels. And that scared me. I would ask her: where did their wings go? And she would answer: since birth, our feathers fell one by one from the humanity that was seeping into our bones. I would be sad and she would smile kindly telling me not to worry. We angels were not as bad as they seemed. But what worried me as I grew older was a fear I could’t shake off. We were meant to roam this earth for our match made in heaven. But the thing that terrifies me was that I was left wondering how this angel would break my heart because even if angels were not bad, the world we were placed in was.

There's a hole in my heart

A void in my mind

A deep desire for nothing but want

A need for something like fun

Adventure and thrills

Seekers and pills

Falling into a blackness

So dark I'm turning blue

Such stark it's only true

Helpless and innocent

Forgiving and iridescent

I bond with strangers

Act bold, I'm not the tamest

I am stuck, so stuck

I don't know how to get out of here

This place, this room, this hide

This mask, this facade,

This glass, this wall, this broken bridge

It is all burning up into flames

Watch it, sink

Down it goes deep into

Black Waters

- soulwriterj

No amount of time would ever be enough with you

As you lay floating in the depths of the ocean
Is it entrapment of the unknown that freezes you still
Or the bewildering sense of absolute freedom?

The calm of this cruel tempting mistress
Clouds all your judgements
Am i lost or free?

Searching for answers to inexplicable plights
Plagues your desires
To break the surface

The sunset reflects against the open abyss
As the day draws in
The light in the distance summons you

Tragedy isn't even very tragic anymore

Wala nang lumalabas na salita
Di na ako makagawa ng tula
Pinipilit basahin ang sarili
Ngunit walang tugmang mapili

Alam kong dapat walang ganito
Pagpiga ng damdamin para sayo
Diba dapat natural lang daw
At hindi magtutunog mababaw

Pero mahal bakit ganito
Bakit biglaan na lang huminto
Dahil ba nabasag ang ideyalismo
Mga makalumang aspirasyon ko

Pero mahal wag kang mag-alala
Mabubuo ko tong aking talata
Katulad ng Pag-ibig ko sayo
Gumulo lang isip hindi ang puso

Di ito hihinto tumibok para sayo
Nandito lang ako lagi para sayo
Ako nang sasalo sayo mahal
Pipiliting maging sagot sayong dasal

Mamahalin kita ng buong buo
Hinding hindi magkukulang sayo
Kaya tatapusin ko tong sulat ko
Pero hinding hindi ang pagmamahal sayo

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

In a room full of cowards
You still had the gall
To eat the heart of a snake
And dress like one too

i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.

you are a box
that i open.
a gift
that i receive.
and it's all mine.
          (...i think...)
i can put more love into the box
and let things pile up inside.
i can bury all my pain inside
and all my fears will be hidden.
          (...but they won't go away...)
one day we won't like each other anymore.
we'll have to move on.
that means taking back everything that's mine.
but all the pain and sadness
can't be given back.
i have made use of it
and it's now mine.

On my wrist
Sits a rubber band.
Is it random
Or was it planned?
      snap
I want to cut
My skin so deep.
My flesh is scarred,
Secrets I keep.
              snap
snap
I snap this little band
To feel again.
Marks on my skin;
Happiness I feign.
snap
                  snap
On my wrist
Sits a rubber band.
Inflicting pain;
You wouldn't understand.
~j.l.

I wonder about this a lot.

what if we met a month later?
what if you were ready?
what if something else hadn't just ended?

what if
what if
what if

I guess what they say is true. . .

timing really is everything.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

It takes a year,
for the pain to leave my veins,
for the memories of you to fade,
for the cuts in my soul to heal,
for rhythm of my heart to change when I’m around you,
to forget your touch on my mind,
to forgive the universe for meeting you,
to live life like you and me had never happened.

When you're in love,
it never ends.
It always stays
until the end,
which never comes.

the count starts now (tired of tired)


I read your outcry at 3:00am
posted on Facebook

you are
tired of tired
sick of sick
the only question, will it ever end...

rise this day,  start another way...

count your blessing
count against all odds
for there are more than merely one

use both hands
both hands chested to feel the heart thrusting,
for living is a wondrous blessing unique
an unbelievable to believe than so many beats,
born and borne,
by you, a strength unequaled,
you a richness possessed

count that one first.
count my hands holding your shoulders.
count that as two, one for me, one for you.

more? more.  

mirror.  find the tiny light in each eye against a yellow backdrop.

add two more. for they are a sparking confidence of confirming.

you felt the heart thrumming
go back, feel the breathing warmth breaching forth.
add another. for now known you can never ever be cold.

wash the face, wash away the caution that sleep leaves,
the coverlet of fear that fears you not to dare,
amazing that tap water plain is sacred when it
miracle breaks you out and anoints thy forehead with pure oil like the kings of yore, be a kingly human being.

go out. do not return
until one act of kind is performed and
count that as a thousand blessed, a sum recurring recounted

walk humble and the path will always appear.
walk contented for you can be both king and servant,
there is no difference - you must be both to be the other
one.

and if you still cannot raise the head,
call me.
that would be a blessing for me
and I will hear your blessings sounds mine merge,
dear friend and no more stranger,
that is the simplest definition of our learning to count to
infinity

I say the words,
You look away.
I say the words,
You look down.
I say the words,
You don’t listen.
I say the words,
You cry.
I say the words,
You beg for me to stop.

I say the words,
I want to break up.
You say no.