Foreign places,
Foreign faces,
With nothing,
   And no one to lose...

And not a second's grief gain'd but with my own anxieties.

Just a moment's notice is all it takes to turn a moment's motives from having a good time to just getting away.

Spare me the sickness of my socialities,
Stare into my petrified eyes and fill them with tears,

If nothing else,
But just to displace my fears.

~Robert van Lingen

why can't I be like the rain drops
on my bedroom window
they cling to the glass
but when time is up
they let go
and run down in soft rivulets
onto their next destination

Letting go, of everything not of you.
Letting go, of everything that is trash.
Letting go, of all of yesterdays issues.
Letting go, so that God can use us all.
Letting go, freeing both of my hands.
So that I can pick up your will Lord.
Letting go, and hanging onto you God.
Letting go, and waiting on you Holy One.
Letting go, and allowing your will here.

I gave in to temptation
and desire
now
my soul lays in fire

It was too cold anyway

I want to undo,
What I've done to you.
I want to make things right,
I want to make this my fight.
Anything to make amends,
Change how our story ends.

I want to tattoo his love for me into the universe
So it becomes permanent and never fades or goes away

I wish I could wrap his words around me like a blanket
So on the coldest nights I can feel his warmth surround me

He's my safe place, kindered spirit, and best friend
Without him life would be an insecure downward spiral
He makes me feel surreal

....






Thank you..

Evil people  live in safe places
With dogs and jobs
With a husband under her control
With children she manipulated  the state to get
Evil people hide in safe places
They are nurses in church
A " hard working mother"
But behind closed doors
They project all their hurt
They pour their trauma into their children like potted plants
They train you to believe  you are the weakest  link.
They morph your brain into soilders fighting for the wrong side
Evil peopl hide in safe places

I still remember the last time I saw you
and I remember the day I realized
it was really over

but life goes on, as things do
however, I still find myself
thinking about you

I’ve seen other people,
I’m sure you have too
but still, I really, truly do
myss you

I wanted to learn

so last night my fourth grade teacher
tore my eyelids off

and sat me near a television screen
that showed my mother dying
over and over
and over again.

I left as a cavity
of a boy,

collapsing at the sound of passing cars

as I searched for a payphone where
I could speak to the static about Gabriel.

(where is he?)

When I look at my brother and father

I beg for my eyes to be caressed until they’re scarred

with every daytime matinee
and curtsy on the train platform

that built me into this mosaic
of a “man”.

Nocturnes wide awake
All the days inside
Infant dreams

Nightly flights
Til morning
Blush/strokes twilight brightly

Blindly painting
Colors never before or ever
Since seen

But in slumbers’ deepest wish
These high-noon deserts
Brimming white Heat

Waves of ether
The ethereal bloom
Light defeats none but we

Moonless starlings
Cat-calm Cool turquoise
Tearless eyes emoting

Vast and fastidious
Chinook whirlwinds
Climbing the on-coming storm

Dreamer maelstroms
Fearless babes we embark we,
Dancers in the Dark.

Paper faces and silicone smiles-
Where’d you get that mask, little girl?
Looks an awful lot like

me.

It was 4 am,
The world was asleep,
The stars were awake,
And just like every other night,
I thought of you,
Are you on the other side thinking of me too?

I must erase it all
Just as I have been erased

loneliness, an old friend
is knocking on my door again
and I’m trying so hard not to let him in

What if
You have been fighting
A losing battle
All along
What if
The silence
Within you
Is only
The calm
Before the strom
And
It is going to be a fight
You just cannot
Win

-jt

In a world
that grows more
black and white
with each passing day.

I am simply not content
staring at endless
shades of grey.

So please forgive me
If I take this opportunity
to go in search of rainbows.

The flower in the garden
will one day be gone
it may be beautiful now
but it wont last that long
So like a flower one day we will see
In the end, How broken we would be

I’m scared as f*ck
to want you.

But here
I am,

Still wanting you
anyway.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

He loves me
But he’s not in love with me
And it’s breaking my heart
But how can I explain?

a fool
i am
  to convince myself
  that the words that flowed
  like the sound of a perfect melody
  from your lips,
  were the words
  of an honest man.

A Saint Jude Prayer Card


I thought to pray for a serious need, you see

But

Saint Jude seems a little annoyed with me

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

my ***** are full
my sack is thick

I don't Drink
Not because I don't want to
I don't Drink
Not because I don't need to

I don't drink because of you
because of what you did
because I swore that I would never be like you
because you were the monster I feared

I don't drink, because I fear
The monster in you, will become the monster in me
and that monster is something I never want to be.

Today, I saw you smiling.
Your eyes were filled of stars.
Your lips were full of flowers.
You own the night like a moon shining,
And that's enough to for me to keep living.