I'll have you remember
you're a wanderer,
that poignancy
bestowed as from a parent
upon a favoured child.
For you'll be compelled
to turn to Me,
wisdom, clarity
your only shelter and home,
outward things but foam.
The wind will remind you
nothing's yours, only lent,
your spartan essentials
and aching heaven-sent.
One of your eyes can't see,
one of your ears can't hear,
yet you've grace enough,
a trace of love for Me,
some openness, one of each
that I still can reach.
Had you been impeded more -
or aeons away from Me -
you might have gathered
comforts galore
and multiplied your store,
some well-wrought residence
with a garden billowing -
a tomb of forgetting
you were a wanderer all along,
time sending its storm
of termites to that
which kept you secure and warm.

Writing.
Fighting
Demons that should've
Let me rot years ago.
I take my breaths;
Inhale deep and slow.
I consume the world around me,
But never grow-
Stultified caterpillar
With nowhere to go.
I know
There is more to this.
Whatever this is.
But until
My eyes are allowed
See salvation;
You can find me here.

“Falling in love” is a contradiction in itself, because in love there is only the rising, the ascending, not the falling.
You can not fall in love, but rather, rise.

This morning
I touched
My primordial stardust
This evening
I capsized.
I helm a fickle craft
My blue poise belies
The leviathan's sudden rise.
Springtime rivulet
Monsoon burst
I wish I could flow
My glacier cold.
I stumble
From dawn to dust
Chasing fool's balm
That last becalm
Always, just off grasp.

The cat does not move,

she is observing the moon –


the hypnotic ball.

A fresh stage is set and I'm stamping this day
as the day I finally cleansed the clouds
and crossed your name.

You've taken a fall from your pedestal
and I see you now,
with your domino on the ground,
my fair-weather friend (that's a kind way to put it),
my boiling point can't cook up a better fit.
I've played your ruthless game for the longest stretch,
I let a ******* decade slip through my fingers;
and I've still lingered,
for the sake of something I can't recall anymore.
Your betrayals are the mindless hand to an hourglass
and I'm counting the sand you spilled.
No sea of apologies can wash away this wreck.
I'm done with pointing fingers and holding daggers to your neck.
I'll lay my shield and armour down, and walk you out.

A fresh stage is set and I'm stamping this day
as the day I let your hand and my grudges go
and asked your ghost to stay.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I don’t feed her fears
I feed her habits

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

Uneasy in her silence
Vulnerable and bare
His words cut so deep
She struggled not to care

Pensive for a moment  
She felt inadequate, yet free
Taking time to reflect  
On the woman, she’d come to be

The strength she'd sought so desperately
Showed up a little too late
Devoid of any resolve
Perhaps she'd met her fate

“𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗲 𝗚. 𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗰𝘆,” 𝗥𝗼𝘀𝗶𝗲 𝗢'𝗗𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗻𝘁-
𝗶𝗰 𝗵𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗸,” '𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘄.” 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗮𝘆 𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚
𝗘𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻 𝗗𝗲𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝘀𝗹𝘂𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘇𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝘂𝗽 & 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗱
𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝘂𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻' 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗲𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘀𝗼.

In a world of dreamers,
are you awake or asleep?

In a realm of promises,
which do you keep?

In a land of tomorrows,
when does he beseech?

Within thoughts of conclusion,
does she retreat?

In the be all end all,
why does she screech.

I think we're all dead now,
we weep
we
weep.

This Dark Well Soul

This dark well soul,
depleted,
desert dry,
having nothing to write of,
and nowhere to write from.
The world moves on,
as his pen sets, silent, and still,
waiting, for another poem,
waiting, for another poet,
to admire, and then forget.

James E. Roethlein copyright 2021

oh tom
i can see behind your eye
your veins bled out all you had
you’re dead on this summer night
it’s not right
but you weren’t fit for the outside
to them it’s another day
if no one cries for you
i’ll be the few
i will sit and sing
because you can see now
you’re beautiful again
i ponder my desires
i want to be with you
things aren’t so great
you wouldn’t understand
i don’t either
but i know i will cry for you
my tears will seep into the soil
you’ll enrich the earth
one day you’ll be new
never forgotten
at least by few

Everyday that dawns,
you slip away a little more.
The distant stare,
the apathetic eyes.
Your love is as dead
as the roses in
the trash.
Your heart is an
abyss that I'm
lost in forever.
Belladonna drew me in.
The poison kept me there.

It's 11:11
and for the first time
after a very long time
I'm wishing for myself
and not for you

do i fall in love with people anymore
or do i fall in love with how much they love me

I embraced the cold when white blankets fell to the earth,
but you stayed warm in my embrace

Rain poured on me like the new flowers,
you felt my tears finding a path downwards

I offered shade on a sunny day,
taking the brunt of the August sky

The wind was no foe to my strong stature,
arching me towards you taking shelter

My leaves fell to the earth,
you jumped with joy into my autumn rainbow

Where are you now? Who do I comfort and protect?

~
pureland flower, always
twisted into someone else's
creation, never of her own
~
volition, breakable eggshell,
quiet and still, lifeless
from pushing boundaries,
~
a color without color, lifted by
the breeze, folded up neatly,
no wonder why nowhere to fly.
~

You are not the love of my life,
You are the life of my love ❤️

"What is life?" She said.
  "A sharp knife" he whispered.

in the most sensational ways

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

i think that the most damaged people in the world
are the kindest
and the softest

because they know
that scabs can be picked
and you can bleed

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

One day I hope you understand
All the cuts and bruises
I laid on your heart
All the cruel words I spoke
The suffering I gave you.

One day I hope you understand
What it all meant
To me, to us
What was meant to be
This, my flaws and I
Lurching drunkenly down the crooked path
Unlit by darkness in dead of night.

I too, am searching
For the way but it's oh so dark
So difficult to find the light
The light which I would give
To you, over and over
A thousand times if I could in a thousand lives
I'm searching endlessly in darkness
If I could just give that moment to you
Just one moment of that
Pure joy, pure bliss,
One moment of that light
I'm sure it will be, I'm sure I'll find it
Somewhere, just to pass it on to you
So you could have it
Forever and ever.

And you, you would be lit so bright
Even in the midst of darkest night
I can see your shining face glisten
I promise it from my heart, listen -

If only I were to find the light
The light that would shine so bright
I search everywhere, I'm trying, I swear
High and low
Near and far
In and out.
But I ***** yet in darkness
For you, for you, my love.

In the deep corners of 3am,
I find her.