I can’t hide it
I crave it
Needing it to survive
The pressure of your body
That look in your eyes
Pulling me closer
Oh closer
Sometimes by my hair
Pinning me to that mattress
Or whatever you dare
For I feel it
I love it
That taste on my lips
Unable to move
With your hands on my hips
Oh you know me
Control me
Fingers dancing on my thighs
All those nights that you’d hold me
Brought stars to my eyes
By that grip of your hand
Firmly ‘round my neck
Oh you’d punish me tenderly
I could never forget
Yes you’d pull me
You’d push me
Goosebumps emerge on my skin
Feeling the beads of your sweat
Drip onto my chin
Kiss me
Tease me
Master you know just what to do
To leave me on my knees
Begging for every inch of you


                     Alysia Marie 2018 ©

When death
    is put to sleep
    what fear is left
    for us to keep?

i was told the lowest you could go
is rock bottom
they were wrong

for i dug

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

There she rests,
better yet,
her life's leaking.
She, the broken winged
being of a chemical bath,
never meant
to last long,
ponders her past when

violet light spears out of the black
night in a radial burst, orbs
of blue, white, and pink,
dance in collusion,

and calls her, as she's called to doom,
so many before her.

Within the oval shape casting there,
she beheld blood somewhere else,
pumping through gates,
coursing through veins.

With a muster of her final strength,
she fell from the rock and into the waters.
Pulling and pulling,
closer and closer.

She cringes as the car pulls up.
Then he stomps through the door.
A grab and a slap,
and she falls to the floor.
She cries, she cries
and begs for no more.

She hears the angry voice,
and she tries in vain to hide.
Knowing the fury,
That he's holding inside.
She cries and she cries,
She's so sick of this ride.

She escapes the next night,
in a bold, daring ploy.
No longer his plaything,
No longer his toy.
She cries and she cries,
but now they're tears of joy.

I love it when girls
call me Daddy
not for the obvious
but because it feels nice
to pretend knowing what it's like
Having kids.

Light me up inside
Flick a spark in my soul
To spread like a wildfire
I want to feel the sensation
The warm glow
As the depths of my darkness
All of my rotting flesh
Pale, torn, bruised
Is revived
The sickness cured
At least
For a little while

I’m tired

I’m exhausted

This is what you wanted

But now, I don’t even know where your heart is

How do I know that?

That’s because is not here with me anymore.

I was falling
for you

the feeling of
being weightless

the sky and
the ocean are
blue

like your eyes

your eyes and
Einstein’s brain

are the depths
I can never reach

but I will drown trying
to reach either or both

My life is getting huger
Here comes my future
I wanna stay into today
I only think of yesterday
Around the corner is tomorrow
Time I wish I could borrow

i wonder if i run my fingers through my hair one more time if it will all fall out
I worry, will it be caused by stress or the aftermath of its effects?
turn my head
watch me crane my neck
self conscious nape tugs
my attention is nudged
don't stop
don't drop anything
roll forward like a steam engine
my head is spiraling off track
down the nerves of my spinal cord
prioritize high priorities
of a thousand column long list of
number one importance
to progress does not mean progress
alas, I digress

u see the knife
you watch the glow
u see me smile
but can't hear me cry
u think i'm happy
but inside i'm breaking
u see the blood
then u realize
that i wasn't
lying
when i said
i'm depressed!
u wish u gave me the
support i needed
but now it's too late.
I'm dying inside...

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

Oh little one,
You try to stand too soon.
Looking up at the stars,
With not a glance at the moon.

Oh little one,
Trying to run for the finish
To cover the most ground,
But never stopping to looking around.

Oh little one, Oh little one,
You stumble and fall down.
I hear your scream and your call.
Yet the best I can do,
Is let you lift yourself from the fall.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Time is a tricky mistress,
I'm sure of that,
Full tricks up her sleeve.
But the truth is,
I didn't expect this.

I don't put it all on her,
I don't put my feelings all on her.
But I do place the time on her.

Some people grow apart,
Some people grow parallel,
Some people grow perpendicular,
And some people grow together.

I don't know how we grew,
But it feels like we've been growing together for a while.
It seems only our tricky mistress, Time, will tell,
But Time seems to have a thing for surprises

I get bad days,
when knives seem soft,
and roses dissapear.

Take me to your garden,
tell me all your troubles,
because they're all nice and simple,
they make me forget mine.

Take me to your garden,
Cut me with your thorns,
So I can see some colour,
and forget the emptiness I feel.

Take me to your garden,
let me die there,
because I'd rather fade away,
than face the outside world.

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

it’s a beautiful thing
this day and age
with bubbling permafrost
with drug-resistance
with obesity treatments
with technological advancements
with scientific discoveries
with silent wars
with blue lava
with bleeding glaciers
with divorce
with sensitivity
with my generation
of people believing
this new generation
is completely and
utterly clueless as a
common occurrence

but let’s think about
what these kids are
into nowadays.

let’s think about who
invented these inane
things for the kids.

my generation of people.

so the kids of today are
the ones who are ******
for liking the things
that we’ve created?

I’m sorry but we have to
be the ones who are obtuse
for believing such things,
oblivious for not
realizing them and
showing the world
we have
little or no imagination
anymore.

the generation before us
has lied to us and
thought us to lie
to the generation
after.

whether it’s the gods
or holidays
or what not.

the youth of the today
are autonomous.
they can not take
responsibility for
their actions nor do
they understand and
just go along
with the trends,
much like,
all the generations
before them
but we need a scapegoat
to cover up our own
farce implementations.

the truth of the matter is..
we’re all a little vacuous
in our own way
especially the ones with
an answer for everything.
living in an imperfect world
where there’s always room
for improvement
nothing for us
or against us
wrapped up in our
congratulatory
self-contradictory
and illogical theories
and as useless as
exploding appendix.

the lost generation
the interbellum generation
the silent generation
the baby boomers
generation x
the millennials

a strong admixture
of imbecility and
self-assurance
filled with belief
and unawareness
to a senseless world

like hate
like blame
like gossip
like jealousy
like being offended
like being impressive
like the punk rock dream
like hospital waiting rooms
like fundraisers and charity events
like your co-worker to the right and
the left of you
and their families
and their families before
them

our greatest creation
our strongest aide

to deconstruct