Para sa Pusong Iniwan
: A Spoken Word Poetry by Stephanie Dela Cruz

Umuulan na naman pala
Basa na naman ang kalsada
Malamig na naman ang dampi ng hanging nagmumula sa bukas na bintana
Gabi na rin pala, nalipasan na nang gutom,
Nakapatay ang ilaw sa kwarto, pero maya’t mayang binibisita ng liwanag ng kidlat
ang malungkot na gabi
Ang hirap pala ngumiti kung may luhang dumadampi sa mga pisngi
Nakakatawa kasi eh. Buti pa ang kidlat bumibisita
Buti pa ang kidlat, may hatid na liwanag, tapos yayakapin ka ng kakaibang lamig ng haplos ng hanging dala nito
Mabuti pa ang ulan, bumubuhos na parang malayang-malaya
Bumubuhos kasama ng mga luha
Bumubuhos kasama ng mga sakit na iniwan
Bumubuhos kasabay ng pagluha ng pusong iniwan.

Umaga na naman pala
Buti nalang nagising ng maaga
Haharap sa mesa, at kagaya ng nakasanayan, magtitimpla ng mainit na kape
Tatangkaing gisingin ang diwa, susubukang palitan ng init ang hatid na lamig ng gabi
Iba talaga ‘pag hinahatid ka ng sariling paghikbi sa kapayapaan ng mundo ng mga panaginip
Doon kung saan walang sakit, yung bang walang imposible
Heto na naman, panibagong araw
Araw-araw kong nasisilayan ang sigla ng sikat ng araw pero bakit dama pa rin yung dilim kinagabihan
Hindi pa rin matanaw ang liwanag
Tinangay mo kasi
Sinama mo sa pag-alis
Bakit naman kasi ang bilis? Hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam

Tanghali na pala
Oras na ng kain.
At tulad ng dati, inaaya pa rin nila ko kumain
At tulad ng dati, tumatanggi pa rin
Kasi alam ko pupuntahan mo ko tapos sabay tayong kakain
Dun sa dati, sa paborito natin
Tanghalian na pala
Pero imbis na sa pagkain ay sa telepono ako nakatingin
Hindi man aminin pero sa loob loob ko’y naghihintay pa rin
Para sa iyong “kumain ka na ba?” o “Puntahan kita, kain tayo”
Hingang malalim, yung may kasamang matinding damdamin

Ilang tanghalian pa at malilimutan rin kita

Malilimutan ko rin yung ningning sa’yong mga mata kapag kausap kita
Yung mga biro **** corny pero tatawanan ko pa rin kasi habang binabanggit mo yun, natutuwa  ako
Natutuwa ako na kasama kita
Natutuwa ako na kausap kita
Natutuwa ako kasi akin ka
Natutuwa ako kasi ang cute mo, para kang batang masayahin
Natutuwa ako kasi magkasama tayo
Natutuwa ako kasi solo natin ang bawat sandali
Natutuwa ako kasi ikaw yan at mahal kita

Yun. Tumpak! Mahal pa rin kita.


Matagal na rin pala.
At hindi na tulad ng dati
Memoryado ko na lahat ng pasikot-sikot ng pagkatao mo
Ginawa kasi kitang mundo ko
Mahirap.
Masakit.
At para lang malaman mo, hindi kita kinabisado na tila mga salita sa paborito nating kanta para lang limutin
Mahirap.
Masakit.
Hindi naman kasi kita ginawang mundo para lang lisanin
Pero hindi naman talaga kita nilisan, mahal.
Ikaw yung nang-iwan
Ikaw yung sumuko
Ikaw yung bumitaw
At matagal na rin pala
Nung sinabi mo sakin na “Malaya ka na” alalang-ala ko pa. Yun yung panahon kung kalian ayaw kong lumaya. Ayaw kong lumaya sa pag-ibig mo. Gusto ko masintensyahan ng habang-buhay na pagkakulong dyan sa puso mo, sa buhay mo.

Pinilit ko kumapit pero kinalagan mo ako, pangako, pinilit ko pero pinalaya mo ako

Matagal na rin pala
Mahirap pa rin.
Masakit pa rin.
Ako nalang ang hinihintay. Siguro’y panahon na.
Para sarili ko naman yung palayain ko
Hindi naman siguro kailangang pilitin
Hindi naman kasi ganoon kadaling kalimutan ang isang taong naging parte na rin ng pagkatao ko
Pero para sa ikalalaya ng pusong iniwan
Para sa ikagagaling ng pusong lubos na nasaktan
Sisimulan ko na…..                makalimot.

Pero teka…


Umuulan na naman pala.
Wag naman sana pero ayan na, papatak na naman pala


Maaalala na naman kita.

i.

spring's grey moons
everything is still
the hush of the skies.


ii.

first new buds
white cloud of hawthorn
morning's broken ghosts.

iii.

strengthening sun,
iron and feathers sky,
bird like a speck.

iv.

blue edge of sky
sunlight on flashy wings
empty world.

v.

clouds of drowning white
blowsy sweetened breeze
tall grasses sway.

vi.

last winter gust,
shadow on the earth
song of the rain.

vii.

surreal morning tide
hurrying wave
kiss for my love.

viii.

sea-spray hits a sail
anchor lowered down
ropes thrown to shore.

I wanted to  love  her
          like  she's  never  been
          loved before...
          With my hands
          I  unarmed  her  heart,
          with my eyes
          I  undressed  her  soul.

           and I whispered to her,
           "You are a poem
             I keep on writing,
             a book I can't put down,
             a story that is
              never ending,
              a page I cannot turn."

               Loving you
               in breathless
               moments,
               stolen kisses,
               adrenaline
                rushes...
                                                                                     Jon York   2019

The best lies are the ones That are the barb wire thread in the fabric of truth.

darling I want
to feel your eyes
eat away my skin
and know that you
do want me
even if they say
it's sin
let your wandering eyes
devour me
and shake me
to the core
take me in your arms
and make me
yours, forever and more

Spare your speech, I'll be here for some time
Stop telling me that I'll be fine
The monster within has taken control
He says, "life don't matter no more"
We're all gonna be a mound of dirt; forgotten and dry
So just curl up and die
I wish your words were true
That we all have a purpose
But I've turned into Their guinea pig
Just let me embrace my fate
Not even your love can save me
It's far too late
I'd rather lay here and rot
Than be part of this mess
Things would be so much better if you let me
Lay here and rot

woman with a fold away bike, a fold away life, a stolen orange book. a throw-away hat, a collapsing body. woman with a fold away bike, a mans love, some old muddy boots. a fold away wedding, a tired accent. woman with a fold away bike, kindly sleeps over, mothers children. raise a little cain, a dead father. woman with a fold away bike

If I added up all my scars,
across my arms and over my hips,
I could stitch them up,
into untold stories and engrave them on my skin,
so everyone could see,
the vulnerability beneath..

If I spread my wounds across a canvas,
purple, blue, red, and other hues,
creeping on rippled fabric like stars in the night sky,
I’d create galaxies,
with craters, suns and moons,
constellations of healing wounds.

I had never known a love that strayed so quick
I had known only love that wanted to stay, fight, that was hooked, infatuated, that I couldn’t shake  
Even if the air was thick

There’s mumbled sorrys for reasons apparently unknown
No aggression or solutions
Just stay or goodbyes
Transfixed on what if’s
Afraid of what the truth transpires

because time doesn’t lie

I want to lie
with my legs
entangled in yours,
I want to live
with my heart
in sync with yours,
I want to die
with my hands
entwined in yours..
I am
unashamedly yours.

watch you go
cherry-red motor
dots that look painted on

no bigger than a fingertip
contact lens bonnet
millimetre-thin wires for legs

shuffle not scuttle
climbing the stem
before you open up

unfurl acetate wings
brisk flicker into
a speck against the sky

Once more the road that's south
treading the line, the miles
sounding out the words by mouth
my Ipod for awhile

Onward through the morning hour
too much time within my mind
searching for salve, a cure
not deaf, or dumb, but blind

It bleeds as would a cut
deep, painful, not yet scarred
all doors and windows, hammered shut
behind my mental
prison bars

I'm happy,
I'm sad,
I'm annoyed,
I'm Laughing,
I'm Crying,
I'm Living,
I'm mentally dying,
I'm depressed,
"I'm a loser",
I'm a distorter,
I'm Bipolar...

Hours, days, weeks
I waited for your answer
For so very long
Five years that looked like fifty
Does that make us strangers?
I suppose so...

Right now I don't even know
If I want you to text me back
I feel like playing my old guitar
With a cup of coffee besides me
And keep my lonely watch
Though I'm not sure
What I'm waiting for anymore

It is all there
Just keep pushing on through
Reach for that gold
Let no one deter you
You have come a long way
Continue on to the end
The path is now clear
Make yourself grand

Grey wash of the sky, sleeping softly.
As I try to fall in love with the world in front of my eyes.
Drain plug of the Earth polluting bright hues,
That once lived;
There's a parasite underneath my skin, that floods me.
There's a marionette, bowing gracefully over my head,
In the cloudless space- it dawdles on empty intent,
My brain matter falls in puddle,
The acidic strain,
Reflecting a rainbow of thought
I can't obtain.

Our hands couldn't touch because they were too similar
So we decided to put our backs together instead
And faced opposite sides of the world
So that our lips would never utter the same words ever again

Few people can be beleived
The lips are packed with lies
Words fall as if manœuvred
To benefit selfishness’s world.

I carry the dust of deceitful
tongues, swollen, diseased
Where is cleanliness left?
‘The dog’s bowl at the door’.

Love Mary ***

You took our things
And boxed them up
Put them away
Into the dark
At least when they're hidden
You'll have a chance to forget about us

what is it about her?
that makes her better?

Spilling my truth as if it were my own blood
It drains me as I search myself
For what sleeps inside

It’s been five years today
I will never be okay
I can smile and I can laugh
Inside I’m broken and that’s that.

i sit there and imagine
if anyone would notice
if I was gone

and i imagine
the world without me

i try to think of a reason
to stay
a purpose for me

i sit there and imagine
if anyone would even care
if i was gone

i try to think of a reason
for me to stay alive
if i will ever make an impact

i sit there and imagine
if anyone would help
if i needed it

i try to think of a reason
for life
but it seems I have writers block

i sit there and imagine
if anyone loves me
if anyone would ever

It seems I can’t think
of a reason to stay
next thing I know
The tile is stained red

someday it will
come again.
someday someone
will come in.

a star
with the deepest depths in the eyes
with the gentlest of breaths
and endless soul in the smile

one day
i'll forgive this pain
not forget -
forgive.

A singular flower grows out
the face of a rock.

That little sprout,
It was holding the power that was bout to be unlocked.

Time was the key
To split the rock
Because that little flower grew a tree.
The singular flower
Cleared a path by unleashing it’s power.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

the last thing I tasted
was chocolate chip cookies
as you pulled away
giggling
and leaving my lips
tingling

I wish I were made of stone
So your words would never hurt me
I wish I were cold as ice
Then maybe I wouldn't be lonely

I wish I were made of steel
So my strength would never waver
If only I could turn back the clock
To a time when I felt safer

But I'm only flesh and bone
And your words have left me bleeding
My heart is torn apart
It's a wonder it's still beating

You made up your mind
Given me your final answer
What we shared is in the past
Time to write a brand new chapter

I will fix my broken heart
Some how glue it back together
It may never be the same
It'll bare this scar forever

But I'll be strong, I'll be alright
Though I'm not as hard as steel
And I can't turn back the clock
In time....my heart will heal

i fell for you and you only watched.