I
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into​ mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust

                          II
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a midget
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger

                          III
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely

                        IV
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's dirty little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name

My father never drank when I was young. Never a bottle in the house. I would be proud to boast "My family doesn't drink"
because I knew my grandfather was an alcoholic
and it tore the family apart
and I know the families in town where the father is an alcoholic
and slowly it all falls apart

but when I was in highschool my dad started keeping beer in the house
which turned to vodka
only once in a while
only to relax
only on the weekends
we all laugh
"It's like you take a shot of the chaser and down it with the vodka!"
When he started drinking at two in the afternoon on vacation
we all laughed
no big deal
It's just to relax
but what i'm afraid of
is that this is how it happened with his own father
that it was all fun
until it wasn't
and it was no big deal
until it was
and they lived in separate houses
and he drank himself to death in a little house alone
When is the line where it all falls?
How do you fix something that is just a joke?

came a beacon from space
seeking an interface
with the people like me who live here
it began as a drone
something like a ring tone
from a cell phone hid deep in the ear

every man, woman, child
got the signal, first mild
maybe voices at night in their beds
and they said with smile
mad is now the new style
maybe time to try on some new threads?

and that call from the dark
made our dull neurons spark
then our senes got set to re-tune
made our synapses blink
and our transmitters wink
as the dish run away with our spoon

just a lifestyle update
where the jackets were straight
we put padding all over our walls
haut couture, a la mode
from that cosmic download
sending patterns designed to enthral

as the fashion year passed
the array grew more vast
we got faxes then texts with a 'Ping!'
next came video feeds
thanks to fast network speeds
making visions the next 'must have' thing

soon the experts concurred
a malfunction occurred
when they asked for a status update
and our mind's IT suits
sent emogies and tweets
and world leaders kept saying 'it's great'

they just could not conceive
of the stuff we'd receive
so the doctors suggested some pills
that would keep us they'd hope
from the end of a rope
put an end to what they saw as ills

so we'd do what they say
- pills don't work anyway
we believe what we want to believe
and next time we won't tell
we know their system well
it’s a shame, but it’s best to deceive

'til their memory clears
and that cursor appears
on the screen at the front of their minds
neon green set on black
saying join us and crack
and we'll lead as they follow behind

sanity's last year's fad
now the new black is mad
it's en-vogue, it's so rad, today's meme
they'll get hip, get on trend
come unzipped, round the bend
and be so two-oh-seventeen

become part of the fad
where decisions are bad
and we vote for those more mad than we
emperors in new clothes
like the ones we have chose
for this end of the world jamboree

let the normal folk talk
while we stalk the catwalk
pop the cork - our mad moment is here
and don't have any doubt
when these mad duds wear out
we'll be wearing psychotic next year

So many,
strive to be happy.
Putting happiness on the podium
as the end goal in life.
Me,
I strive to be sad.
Not as a depressing view on life.
But it's easier for me
to feel happy
than to feel sad.
And I don't believe it's healthy
to cherish the one and
abandon the other.
It needs a balance of yin and yang.
Life is about the full spectrum.
Without the low tales,
we wouldn't recognize the high mountains.
I wished of course
to have often times
tears of happiness in my eyes.
But I know of the value and relief
that the salty tears of sadness
can bring into the soup of life.
How they purify our being
and help to let go.
To let go of
not working relationships,
passed loved ones,
unfulfilled ideas,
not met expectations
and undo-able concepts.
Sadness shouldn't be something to avoid,
but the one thing
to be embraced.

In my yard stands a tree
tall and sturdy
lone like a hermit,
regal like an empress
her roots dug deep
her branches touching the heavens
peeking behind the skies veil
She has a coy dalliance with the Wind
Sometimes he comes tickling
her tender parts, whispering
sweet nothings in her ear
Overall she is still
Still....................
like waters without ripples

She stands upright
brooding over the saga of struggle
from a sapling to a towering giant
Indeed a tryst with destiny!

Under the summer sky
braving the smarting beams
she remained uncomplaining.
Below the thundering clouds
bearing a thousand needle pricks
she stayed nonchalant.
When the wind swept across
bending her branches in all directions
she stood on firm feet unwavering.

She tells a tale of struggle and survival
She had stood there before I was born
Now she displays every scar and every stripe
on her knotted bark as a proud trophy

Sometimes I feel her pain
when wet and dripping in pouring rain
or scorched in the sun’s fiery rage
Yet she holds an umbrella over all
who come to her in sun and rain

From east to west
I've seen the best
Moss on a stone
Contacts on my phone

I’ve meet friends
Knowing it all ends
Moving
Proving

That I can restart
But keeping the one that's in my heart
She will always be there
A coat my heart wears

For when it gets cold
In this void
She will be there
To warm the air

I wish to age like a wrap-around porch
In a thunder storm,
While generations tell tales,
Sipping drinks.
A porch of blinking stars,
A place to run out of rain,
With wooden steps for deliveries,
With ascending and descending friends.

I will age like a tree, grow stronger in the wind;
Give shade and shelter to all
Beneath my ring-aged limbs.

I wish to age as a river bends,
Contiguous with all shores;
Floating everyone I know
On eternal waters defying death,
A current winding with no rest.

I will age like a star,
Burning bright, giving light,
Something to reach for.

I wish to age like a mountain,
With secret caves and riches.
And you can rock your soul
Around, over or through,
Solid, snow-capped summit,
Beckoning you.

I will age as the moon,
In stages, full and new;
Each night different,
Unnoticeable fading,
As all who age will do.

My soul grieves
for a soul;
a life lost,
to the world,
cold.

The world,
this life
full of pressure
she cannot keep.

So she frees
her soul,
for her soul
to cling to a
soul.

He tries
to stand on
the soles of
his feet

O how
he stumbles
and falls.

But how he bears,
for a life to be
shared with
a soul that
clings to his soul.

This spirit
awakened
from memory,
calls to his
bitter aid.

And as if
not even God can save him,
he is bound, chained
to the promise
he made.

O how my soul
grieves for
his soul!
And as he grieves
and weeps for
his own

It is far too late now.

Bound
between two dimensions
a chain.
'Til he fulfills
the promise made
to her.

A promise
for a dead soul.

How to conquer the world when you are manic and preserve it when you are depressed.

I had a close friend send me a text a few weeks ago
Reminding me how to breathe and that I had to get out of bed,
I thought if she could have read my mood from the west coast
As I rotted in cotton comforters in the east, I must have been pretty obvious
Maybe it’s because we have been friends for ten years or because
I plaster every up and down online to vague audiences, I cast out my emotions
Like frayed fishing line, trying to catch even a glimpse of someone who relates.
But when this friend texted me she said something that might help balance out
The high-highs with the unbearable lows is writing how I feel when I am both.
I did my best to put the feeling of flying at 100mph upside down with wings made of silken sheets into words but the minute I did they turned into wings of concrete and I lost my focus again. And so I went to answer my friend and I said ‘here is how to conquer the world when you are manic”

I am caffeine therapy,
engulfed in energy
I am yellow, I am green
I am everything at once,
I feel everything all at once.
Did I mention?
Hey, I'm really excited to tell you
I’m gonna save the world,
All of it.
Today.
try and stop me.
I woke up at 4 this morning
Watched the sun swallow shadows
Like it was yearning for something dark
To balance itself out.
Too much light is dangerous too.
I always like to watch the sunrise before I go out to save the world, Waking up early always gives me so much more time And today I will do a lot,  I want to save the world. I hope you know I'm going to.

I am yellow, I am green. I am everything at once.
I am traffic jams spread out across freeways,
I am six trips in a row to the same store because I kept forgetting what I needed,
Music playing so loud you can’t hear anything else
I wash down amphetamines with coffee
I am now Narrow energy. I'm traveling a perfectly paved road Home to a room where I cannot see the floor, but that’s okay because I’m
Going to save the world today.
It doesn't matter how fast I'm going as long as you see me get there.
I am validation starvation in calorie counting notebooks,
I am looks from strangers whose eyes wonder loudly how I got marks on my arms or how I'm bouncing my foot like energy is spewing out my body but still have bags under mine that insinuate exhaustion I never learned how to overcome.
I am a math equation stuck inside the text book
From that semester I dropped out;
I am heat energy dancing inside shattered beakers, I am weathered worn out sneakers still being used because it’s hard to let go,
I'm kissing catalytic conversations with those I love because I need a reaction to feel like they're listening,
I am potential energy ready to become kinetic,
I am energetic and today, I have the heart to save the world.
I am off track, my bad. Its like an “ADHD starter pack” but there's no warranty or handbook.
Anyway, I started by re-enrolling in classes because I have always been good at school,
Except for when I stopped going but I have always been good at school and I can understand why everyone around me might expect me to succeed, I emit determination from my mouth when my heart feels empty, but I did sign back up because
This time I'm ready, and this  time I won’t ever feel low again, I think i beat it finally
I feel it in my bones as I cross busy streets without looking either way
I'm invincible and incredible
I am yellow I am green
I am hydro energy feeding off the
Big deep blue sea,
I am gratitude as an action
Not a trinket I can break
and today I will save the world
and tomorrow I will not be low,
And today I will conquer my fears, all 647
And tomorrow I will tell my friends I love them
And today I will remind myself that skin cells
Replace themselves every 28 days
So I only have to wear long sleeves for that many more
And tomorrow I will wake up and do my homework
And today I will surely save the world,
I will never feel so low as I have ever again
How could I when there is so much to smile for?
I’m laughing so loud my neighbors are asking,
And my friends think I’m doing better and I tell them I am. I am.
I am yellow, I am serene,
I feel it in my skin that I am better
recovery feels like Holding hands at sixteen and iced tea, And this is easy!
I am yellow, I am green.
I am yellow, I am green.
I feel everything all at once.
floating between causes, altruism is a virus, slithering through my veins, celebrating how much I will do today. Did I mention how much I will do today?
I'm going to save the world.
After signing back up for classes I spread out my day like magazine clippings I'll never put onto a “dream board” because I will most likely forget about them, my dreams make better notes in my iphone where I can see them
As I check my contacts to see who I can talk to today. Or who will listen. I wonder who will listen. Or what kind of game I will play to make someone listen.
I am yellow, I am green. It’s noon and I am flying.
Here is how else I will save the world:
I will make sure I save myself first,
I'll clean my room and go to the gym
work off three weeks of sweets with three hours on the treadmill, I forgot how good it feels to run and I know that this is the last time I will ever, ever give up.
I’m better now. I run on a track that loops back in on itself because I find comfort in knowing it will always return no matter how many times I lose sight of where I'm going, I would get lost were I to run outside because when you are everything all at once you seldom stay in place, God there is just so much to look at. I will never look back at who I was even as late as yesterday.
I get lost inside rubix cube mentalities and short lived craft store hobbies, but I'm better.
I am yellow, I am green. And today I am going to be a wildlife photographer, And an artist, and when people ask me what I want to be I tell them
I will work for the United Nations and that I am going to save the world, they believe me and ask me how I'll do it and I realize that I have yet to start saving the world.
I woke up at 4, so sure today was the day,
I felt it in my heart like the time I took two of my adderalls by mistake because I forgot that I took one that day, I felt it and it was real. Throbbing like a bump from falling but real. I lost track of that feeling for a second and now it is fleeting.
What is happening?

I am yellow, I am green.
I am yellow, i am yellow I am yellow,
Are you still listening?
I'm potential energy locked inside a pendulum
Hanging from a chemical tree that dies fast and grows slowly, Im staggered progress dressed up like empathy, I'm baggage too heavy
I am yellow, I am green.
I am fleeting energy
The kind that sparks a few times
On telephone lines turned pink infront of sunsets in july, gone before your friends can see it too.
They never really see it, too.
I am yellow, I am green

I forgot to shower every day this week but
I'm too tired to get out of bed,
What is happening? Can you remind me what I was doing?
I was supposed to save the world today
I’m sorry.
I was really going to save the world today
I'm taking in as much caffeine as I can without
Making my heart feel like it will push its way
Through my ribs out of my chest
Though being able to feel in my chest again
Might not be so bad. I’m stuffing smoke inside my cavities to fill them up, doing my best to keep feeling inside the skin I wear when I can feel it
Going numb, even it hurts at least I can feel it, I wish I could inject caffeine right into my veins,
I wish you could jump infront of moving trains without Hurting everyone on board,
I wish I felt less like this but I wish I felt more,
I reread texts from last night where transitioning
Felt like fist fighting recovery, her having one up on me,

I am crimson, I am grey, I am fleeting energy.
I’m so sorry.


I thought I said that before
And I might have but I forgot, I feel cloudy
I stumbled through steel wool tall grass to make it
Out of bed today and the weight of every single mistake I have ever made feels like it will surely break my spine Right in half, I don’t know if I will make it through today.
I wish someone would save me today.
I am crimson, I am grey.
I need someone to save my world today.

I am my mothers eyes,
brown, soft, loving and kind.
With a thousand stories to tell, she would lay me down in my cocoon, when I was young and little, look up with those bold eyes, "God are you listening?" she would ask, then a stretch of a smile would brush the sadness in  her eyes.
Why does God lie?
Why can't he/she be honest sometimes?
These are questions I always ask myself when I'm in deep contemplation about life.
I cry sometimes you know, when she lies in bed helplessly, knowing that someday, she'll lie there, still in peace, there'll be no more breath in her lungs.
Yesterday I cried again,
Feeding the pain inflicting me,
She texted me back "I'm doing okay, don't worry about me okay?"
How can I stop worrying?
when its all I can do,
hold my phone to my hand in stagnation,
so grateful that the one technological piece in my hand, is as close as I can get to you mom.
I know what I did was wrong,
moving out especially at a time you needed me the most.
I left you with pain and suffering,
and now I cant undo it because its made its way to your stomach, its killing your insides,
and all I can do is blame myself.
They say you'll never understand someones pain until you step into their shoes.
I wish I could do that. I wish I could step into your shoes and heal this disease that's trying to take you away from me.
God please if you're reading this, take your time to please return the promise you gave to me, the one you told me when I allowed you into my life, when I said I'm all yours and you mine.
Please don't take my mother away from me.
Not yet,
not until I've given her the best life she deserves

With effort, with energy I make my own traps.

Trap; Land that presents as intersubjectivity failure; But ahoy! Pitch introversion with introspection sailor.

For the poisons.

Shamans offer me brews and I decline.

Instead

I turn to bearded men, I read their big-bearded-men-books.

We talk, and exposed I explain and recollect.

Technology, phenomenology, metaphor to vector geometry and to love.

First, then

For this journey.

I prepare

I bury my feet in the hot sand.

I sail then

From a sea and a mother, to a maiden.

washing my mouth with
heaven's nectar
the extraordinary feeling
of quenching one's thirst
it reminds me of death before life
at night i am greeted by my own spectre
i make elocutionary dealings
with my maker hoping
these dreams see the light of day
before i hear the reaper's words.

- t.m

YOU may be in the museum about cheese, glass art, bicycle history, or history of wooden bags. Not waiting for anything. And I just have time to steal travel brochures, offer a route around town, at the door of the hotel restaurant, after a lazy breakfast I chewed.

You may be among the crowds at the Arc de Triomphe monument, at the end of the Champs-Élysées. A digital screen is spread out, a row of chairs is laid out, and the big flag is flown. An ordinary man, preparing an unusual speech, that evening.

You may be in the departure room of the Frankfurt Airport, with the Arab Emirates airline tickets, disrupting the chaotic time, saying goodbye to the cold German weather, which I had previously tried to greet.

You must be somewhere, making some sort of experiment with distance and time, testing a hypothesis. And you smile, imagine the witty thing you will later conclude. And I do not stop guessing what's possible.

When I look at your photograph,
my son, there beside my bed,
the one of you in dark suit
and glasses, dressed as

a Blues Brother for the work's
Christmas party gig, I have
to smile, yet at the same time
hold back the tears, as days

become weeks and weeks
become months and months
years, since your untimely death
soon after. Silent now the jubilation,

rare the celebration, low key if
at all the laughter. The only
photograph where you're not
smiling, where you stare back

in fixed unsmiling mode, as if
you had some inner clue or
foresight of your fate one month
ahead when you would be no
longer here, but dead.

Love Iconoclast
Blooming buds from her sweet chest
Take me to trans and make me lost
Her smiling cheeks never leave at rest
My love I am but sheer love iconoclast
Beautiful youth full of juices of her life
Has stimulated me to just any extent
From those moments on I am on knife
My love aspires for in winter in tent
Pleasure is in play and petals are young
Then desert of life blooms with flowers
Love ignites beauty when in union sung
Let me pass through bowers after bowers
Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Golden Glow

Sixteen's glow
now the river's flow
I love to swim

tepid and soft
she holds me aloft
I float on moonbeam.

Love to hold close
snuggle my nose
between her breasts

they aren't as high
but I mustn't lie
found no better rests.

No way I would hide
if not by my side
life feels a dull stuff

the unwritten rule
is she makes me full
so I'm never half.

By a simple glance
in a million one chance
we happened to meet

love I wouldn't call
not to make small
this undying habit.

Caramel eyes close in anticipation
Feeling nothing but elation

Ebony hair now cut
Symbolised a new beginning, a door shut

Bags packed
Clothes all very compact

Body sways to this new beat
Whizzing past each street

Up above , a view for angels
So beautiful it's almost painful

A swirl of colours unrecognisable
This feeling of pure bliss is undeniable

Music flows out the mouth like honey, each a different cover
Because guess what ?
Here comes summer !!

By Arcassin Burnham


Heaven knows,
My struggles and my agonies.
Heaven knows,
My struggles and my agonies.

Loneliness and focusness provokes thought,
Sweat on your face for the friends that you sought,
Don't spend the rest of your life in a box,
Looking for love in the wrong places need to stop,
It's so easy to fit in with people like you,
Ain't a time for wishing and hoping a virtue,
Boyfriend's and girlfriends that'll​ straight hurt you,
It'll be a second when your world ends turning you so cruel,

I just say just don't hang with people that peerpressure and leaves you out
High and dry,
If trust is trust and fake is fake , they must be synthetic to what they think is
Your demise,
If it's not one thing then it's definitely another but the first thing's a lil' more
Dangerous,
There is so much fake in the world they might just sacrifice your body and
Just come up famous,

So who needs friends?
Might be the Devil in the disguise,
Might be an under cover cop,
Turn on you in the blink of an eye.


/

Dropping like seagulls in the sea,
people are dying everywhere help us please,
suspicions about the world since seventeen,
I never had a dad around , can't control me.

while all the girls,
while all the girls,
don't see reason.
while all the boys,
while all the boys,
don't like being told what to do.
And all the eye catchers , they walk around without being *,
you better take someone's hand in desperate need and say what you* have spoken,
And all the eye catchers,* pretend like the world revolves around* them.
Theres always something in this world that is worth living for but you gotta live for them.

Spare me the ignorance if you please,
i never conquered a problem just with ease,
interest in words stem from the giving tree,
I'm not a violent person just don't judge me.

while all the girls,
all the girls,
don't see reason.
while all the boys,
while all the boys,
don't like being told what to do.
And all the eye catchers , they walk around without being noticed.
you better take someone's hand in desperate need and say what you have spoken,
And all the eye catchers,* pretend like the world revolves around* them.
Theres always something in this world that is worth living for but you gotta live for them.

Its been a while,
since i finally accepted
the end.
But my heart still aches,
everytime i think
of how we ended.

And if i could go back,
I wish i could tell you:
I stayed for so long not ,
not because i was weak.
But because i believed
in the good person in you.

I left, not because you
stopped wanting me,
but because i no longer
loved myself by loving you.

Every day is
the same road, same lines,
same lights, same dents on the
c r o s s r o a d s .

Flickering lights of
s t o p    &    g o

Sitting on the back of a cab,
The beeping sounds start to sink in. . .

S    l   o   w   l    y
I close my eyes, thinking :

"  Where the fuck should I go?  
If somewhere the rivers don't flow,
W o u l d   I    b e   a l o n e ?  "

Concealed depression is
Buying water proof mascara
So you won't have to reapply makeup
after each daily breakdown.

Concealed depression is
Laughing at everything
so they won't question
why your eyes always water.

Concealed depression is
staying up until 4 a.m
because it's the only time
you can ignore the world
and no one will notice.

...Or concealed depression is
taking three melatonins
in hopes you'll sleep deep
enough to keep the terrors at bay.

Concealed depression is
Staying consistently busy
So your mind will be too exhausted
at the end of the day to fight you.

Concealed depression is
the impatient selfish monster
that burns bridges as you cross them.

Concealed depression is
feeding yourself lies like
"I'm fine" or "I won't cry".

Concealed depression is
the uphill battle that you don't get to win once;
it's a mountain you're forced to climb every single day.

Concealed depression is
silently screaming, hoping someone
will have super sonic hearing,
swoop in like a bat,
and carry you under their wings.

Concealed depression is
never hugging too tightly
or meeting a gaze too intensely
in case your guts may slip
out before you can catch them.

So when they accuse you of changing,
when they accuse you of rage and indifference,
of violence and apathy,
when they ask why you never called,
when they ask why you never told them,
all you can say is that concealed depression
is like an overbooked hotel and there's only room for one.
All you can say is that you were afraid
Your darkness would drown them too
and then there would be no one left to save you.

you and i
we'll move on
and forget all of this.

and maybe we'll even
find whatever it was that
we were looking for elsewhere.

and perhaps
we'll understand
why it ended the way it did.

but what we had
was precious and it'll
always exist somewhere.

in dying leaves and
the silences we shared
and maybe, the moon too.

=====================================
Silence broke into tears
But cried with authority of a heavy rain
With a prescription of a rule of the land
How many still write,
in autumn bells ?
when gentle dew sickles the nerves of my brain
tighten the bronchial tree of my chest
when your wings will broom the dust of the wound
behind the door of my aging heart ?

When the day will increase fresh greenery
Around the tiring garden of long passing life
And protect all the wedding stories
And save them for next generations and
Not allowing them to die
In a flooded storm of worldly intelligentsia ?

The dry leaves will remain burning
In the high temperature of June of My country
the serene calm river of wisdom will invite me drown
In Her depth up to the pebbles and sand
settled loosely in her breast flowing with deep water, but
The winter of coming life will try to frost my fertile brain
but the sacred heart reminds me to reach
the Ocean of the colored horizon

So I should be baptized or Initiated by the Guru
To follow the word of God or name of God
To know, realize and experience the hell or heaven of emotions
But, Some are so mature to become their own teacher
to write with their own pen on their own paper

Written by
~~~Jawahar Gupta~~~

I promise you that,
One day you'll regret leaving me,
You'll crave for someone like me,
You'll search for me in every crowd, within every person;
And that day I'll be at the top of the world ,
With my blood , sweat and tears rejoicing their victory,
And you'll be forgotten
Just like a bad dream...

No longer calmed,
My head keeps spinning.
A gun with no safety,
A blade with no hilt...

Tired of having to prove myself.
To whom? You?
No, to me... My worst enemy.

This isn't good enough,
That's never right.
Sometimes I want to scream!
And my tears... They never put up a fight.

The river of amnesia flows,
Passed the gums and down it goes.
Temporary relief from a pain so deep.
Like a thousand knives,
Beneath my skin, they seep.

Staring into the dirt,
My eyes lose focus...
All the tiny ants become clear.
This is what they do, year after year.

I'm apart of this cycle,
Nature and I.
And after this,
In an eternal Hell...
I'm sure I'll fry.

But... Not all is lost.
For, I lay on a throne of grass...
Little to no cost!

The only price I paid...
Was putting my feet on the ground,
And putting up with this... Joyful day.

Suicide;
it doesn't stop the pain.
It packs it into a grenade,
andthrows it
to your loved ones.

When I thy singing next shall hear,
I’ll wish I might turn all to ear,
To drink in notes and numbers such
As blessed souls can’t hear too much;
Then melted down, there let me lie
Entranc’d and lost confusedly,
And by thy music stricken mute,
Die and be turn’d into a lute.

Ive written the note
I'm ready to take the pills
Only to be told that what I'm doing is
Selfish

Apparently it is selfish to commit suicide as you do not think of those
that you leave behind.
People clearly don't understand
The meaning behind suicide.

Yes you are leaving people behind
But it is not like you did not think of them
That is why I cried while writing the note
I cried while I thought of my mom at my funeral

To those that think suicide is selfish -
They should think of how selfish
it is to drive people into such a deep depression
That the only way to make it stop is to end their life

I'm not selfish
I'm selfless
As the world is a better place
Without me

I did not ask to be held together
Nor to be pulled through the dark
I only hoped to be warm for a moment
To linger a while longer in your heart

Don’t kiss me; I taste like shattered glass. My past isn't your fault, but hell, if I don’t go out of my way to make it seem like that. I can't help but feel like I'm failing you. Maybe we're failing each other. Maybe we’re both failing, separately. I’m starting to accept the possibility that one day, I will hear love songs and think of someone that is not you. You stain every chord of my favorite songs; it can’t fade.
It can’t fade.
It can’t fade.
The English language is shifty and inarticulate; love is too many things. I can’t tell if this is love, or if I just want it to be.

I don't know how to make this okay.
I know you don’t know what to say.