You
With your words
The Knife.
You.

Me
Knowing and not knowing,
Afraid and clueless.
Me.

Us
A thing that used to be,
The dust on the mantle.
Us.

We
Will never be the same
The blood that was spilled across the floor.
We.

This crime scene filled with pain and sorrow and regret.  The murderer and the victim one in the same—but also separate.  Two hearts that both dance to the same miserable song.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Stop.
Right.
There.
If I’m getting involved,
Give me a reason to care.

I can help with matters
Pertaining to your mind,
But I am not so kind
All of the time.

Someone look me up and define me
Please remind me

who I’m ‘sposed to be around you
so you will do what i want you to

I’m always winning the wrong game
I don’t remember my real name

do you ever feel
like a *******
rotting on the earth
waiting
for your rebirth

God sees everything
we see
God hears everything
we hear
God smells everything
we smell
God tastes everything
we taste
God touches everything
we touch
God feels everything
we feel
God knows everything
we know
God is everything
we are

Your heart was never made for two
I thought as I stared at the autumn blue

The old dear at the B&B
scrutinized Nima and me
as we entered
the small foyer
and gave our name
as Mr & Mrs Bee

Been married long?
she asked

This morning
Nima interjected
in Epsom
small affair
nothing special
just us
parents and two witnesses

the old dear
didn't care
but it trigued her
to ask
You live in Epsom?

I did
Nima replied
before I could answer
he comes
from a place in Sussex

the old dear
gazed at me

We met in a club
in Oxford Street
I said

the old dear smiled
and moved a register book
towards us

Just name and address
she said

Nima picked up the pen
and scribbled
Nima Bee
and handed the pen to me

I wrote
my new name
for the first time
Benny Bee
and held back a desire
to burst into laughter
but concealed it
by a cough

the old dear
gave us a key
to room number nine

Looks out
on the Embankment
she said

Thank you
said Nima
picking up
her over night bag

I with a duffle bag
followed Nima up
the narrow staircase

it seemed odd
this living
a temporary lie
like being an actor
in a second rate play
indeed it has been quite
a bizarre day.

Get a job,
a husband or wife.
Make yourself comfortable
in your own life.
So they tell me
or would have told me
if they were still alive.
But they are dying slowly
by the magic pills.
They are no longer there
to protect and care.
I no longer have devils
that whisper and scream.
They can do both
but now they are doing non.
And I can see myself having fun,
not caring or staring
into nothingness.
Yet it leaves me in mourning
to know they are about to die.
Maybe if I hold on a little longer
I won't be lonely and then find myself
a job, husband or wife.

i
  leggo
    my
      ego.

        Where
          i go
            there
              you go.

Two stars collide, and from within comes one
flame, one heartbeat.

For unless two become one, there can be no light,
no vision, and no promise of gaining one's sight.

Two stars collide, and an explosion is heard,

calling forth the power of love by the spirit and
the power of his word.

if they say a one-word poem,
i'll write your name...

tears glisten in the moonlight,
but it shines too bright.
blocking out reality,
and the sad fatality.
of my heart,
and it's broken parts.

"I don't understand your poems"
she told me so often

[and yet
in each
of my verses
there is
so much
more of her
and so
little of me]

ONLY THE SILENCE KNOWS

Back and forth
the fox swung

in the summer of
'63

at the height of
a 7 year old child.

Fox twirling around
staring into my face.

A curious bird
took a look.

Then flew away into
a Monday morning.

It had seen
Death before.

It was nothing.

Here the farmer's warning
to other stealers of hens.

See father fox
swinging by its tail.

His face rotting to a skull
his eyes full of flies.

Time and Eternity
meeting at this point

the parallel lines of life
. . .death

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

I asked for it,
and the wish was received,
that my breath would stop,
along with your suffering.

I asked,
And the blessing was received,
Now i go,
I gave away my breathing,
So you could finally breathe

We're all magicians.
We all make money
Disappear before our eyes.
Too bad we don't have x ray vision
To see through people's lies

Partially beautiful;
fully responsible.

Active interest;
creative talent.
Growing in the shade.

Your hand in my hand;
eye to mind.
Tricks and lies;
part of the daily grind.

Come into the light;
I miss what doesn't exist.

Every poem is about you;
I'm selfish
and you're so precious
that even the fiction is real.

They will tell you
All poetry has been written
There is nothing new
Under the moon
But let me tell you
They don’t know you
You are as unique
As the DNA that exists
Within your frame
The ripples on your thumbprint
No one ever had the same.

Listen...

You have something to say
Say it proudly
Say it boldly
Never let them scold you.

Never let them make you go away.

"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.

So many people focus on finding love
I'm too busy finding myself

sometimes
I’m lucky
only I cross
the borders
of tangled
thoughts,
my mind, it’s -
messy, so messy, it will take eternity
cleaning it, carefully
but I’m scared
not to live my sacred fantasy

sometimes
I’m happy
only I enter
the banter
of silent
whispers,
my mind, it’s -
crazy, so crazy, it will take ages
treating it, slowly
but I’m scared
not to read my unique pages

Oh , what a dangerous kind of freedom....to not be into anyone other than YOU, must be so addictive and exhilarating.

Like how the soil wishes for rainfall during summer;
I miss you.
Like the trees wishing for sunshine during winter;
I miss you.
What else is there to say? I'm just so into you.

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just a touch
And baby I will make you mine

This disease struck me
Like a brick on pavement
Hard

Everything was
Perfect
Then that brick came along
And with the slightest movement
Destroyed everything

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
The voices say

Why can’t I let them go?
They keep repeating:

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Why won’t they stop

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
I don’t understand

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Someone just HELP me understand

This disease is about
Perfection
But it's the biggest
Imperfection about me