fell into the night,
breathing slowly
calm as the stars
escaping into the sky

remade and carved
but never perfected

i am a work in progress
but i swear in the same breath
I'm trying

the same pillow that cradled tears
stays dry nowadays

i once never could understand
my feelings, and even now
they still predict and speak the next moments
but they don't say sad things as much
Anymore

now, i accept the hand that
touches my cheek instead of swatting
it away,
giving me comfort
today and
always

Sunset reflects
on what dawn never knew...

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

Your eyes,
So familiar
Looked like a window
Felt like a mirror
So I avoided your gaze
Afraid
If i stared for long enough
I would start to see
everything I
despised
In human form
Your eyes,
Like a mirror
Confronting the deepest
sorrows
Giving them a voice
To speak
To exist
Anywhere other than
the poisoning smoke
Of a fire
Your eyes,
Like a mirror
Knew where to look
Like cleared throats
Masking swallowed words,
Collapsing lungs,
But they were silent
for a reason
I didn’t want you to reach
that far back
Or come this close
To the truth,
Your eyes,
Like a mirror
I shall shatter
Like I do
To everything that makes me see.

she wakes me up
in the morning
with a sharp tug
saying
there are fire alarms
ringing
the monsters under the bed are
singing
she touches my face and it is
stinging
digs in her nails and i am
clinging
to her as she devours me
bringing
the fear much closer every
blink
it gets inside me i can't
think
the world around me seems to
shrink
i'm centimeters from the
brink
the cliff is steep the water deep i'll
sink
she looks at me again gives me a
wink
it's just a morning
just an empty room
just me in bed alone
ripping myself open
for monday

Rheumy eyed-
World unfresh

But still small
Daisies brave the
Cutter's edge.

Long slow
Pendulous swing

From boredom to
Anxiety
As Winter Springs.

This year's alchemy-
Leaden skies
Turn Gold

Baby asked me
“What’s wine for but drinking?”
God bless a partner
Who gets you thinking!

It was a battle
That turned into a war
The only line of defense
Was a single warrior
She took her tin foil shield
And hope for the best
With a tear drop in her eye
She would soon be laid down to rest

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

i am just
too tired
to go on

Her intense feelings are sprouting, all emotions mixed in the stew of hormones, often reluctant to pause.

Elizabeth put kisses two,
One on my lips, one on my cheek.
Elizabeth told me it's true
She's been in love with me for weeks.

And I did jump in happiness
For I have, too, her loved for weeks
But did not dare my love express.
I thought she mad would strike my cheeks.

You will know I can't stay here

I belong to the shadows of  night

Your kisses are so sweet but your embrase I can't keep

I belong to the dark side of the street

I can see the moon in your eyes
My heart aches for your loving sighs

But I can't stay here or
I will be undone

I can't be your year after year

The clouds race by your window calling out and telling me it's time to go

As I slip your head from my chest
I ease out and get dressed
Leaving you asleep on the pillow

You will know I couldn't stay here
For I belong to the shadows of night

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

it’s a beautiful thing
this day and age
with bubbling permafrost
with drug-resistance
with obesity treatments
with technological advancements
with scientific discoveries
with silent wars
with blue lava
with bleeding glaciers
with divorce
with sensitivity
with my generation
of people believing
this new generation
is completely and
utterly clueless as a
common occurrence

but let’s think about
what these kids are
into nowadays.

let’s think about who
invented these inane
things for the kids.

my generation of people.

so the kids of today are
the ones who are ******
for liking the things
that we’ve created?

I’m sorry but we have to
be the ones who are obtuse
for believing such things,
oblivious for not
realizing them and
showing the world
we have
little or no imagination
anymore.

the generation before us
has lied to us and
thought us to lie
to the generation
after.

whether it’s the gods
or holidays
or what not.

the youth of the today
are autonomous.
they can not take
responsibility for
their actions nor do
they understand and
just go along
with the trends,
much like,
all the generations
before them
but we need a scapegoat
to cover up our own
farce implementations.

the truth of the matter is..
we’re all a little vacuous
in our own way
especially the ones with
an answer for everything.
living in an imperfect world
where there’s always room
for improvement
nothing for us
or against us
wrapped up in our
congratulatory
self-contradictory
and illogical theories
and as useless as
exploding appendix.

the lost generation
the interbellum generation
the silent generation
the baby boomers
generation x
the millennials

a strong admixture
of imbecility and
self-assurance
filled with belief
and unawareness
to a senseless world

like hate
like blame
like gossip
like jealousy
like being offended
like being impressive
like the punk rock dream
like hospital waiting rooms
like fundraisers and charity events
like your co-worker to the right and
the left of you
and their families
and their families before
them

our greatest creation
our strongest aide

to deconstruct

remind me,
why did i start

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

I always felt there was something
Missing from my heart
A gap found within my being
My soul with a missing part

I wonder if it will become complete
Or if a part of me is destined to be lost
Did a thief come to steal it at night
And sell it at no cost

Used to being incomplete
And knowing no other way
I eventually stopped searching
And felt that I would be okay

But silently I heard
The lost piece sing
Crying out my name
In the depths of the wind

i held you for a night
and now things are different

what changed?

I am a poet in the night
I am full of thoughts and
endless equations, whirling
waves and towering mountains.
I am a ship of iridescent nations.
I am transcendence.

I opened up to you,
about my struggles, my destructive behaviors
and you said just don't do it.
If i could "just not do it",
I wouldn't have any secrets to be sharing with you.
I wouldn't be so depressed that I needed you.

i dread the day you learn
for the first time that
you can't just love all
the darkness in me away

and no matter how much
you care i will still toss
and turn at night and scars
might still appear on my skin

i dread the day you realize
that you can't cure me
and sometimes all you can do
is stand next to me and
hold my hand through fog
pouring out of my ears so black
and thick we can't even see
each other's faces

i dread the days i can't
get out of bed
the days you want to
take me out and all
i can manage is a prettified
shell of myself

i dread the day you learn
that sometimes no matter
how hard i try i still can't
pull myself together

the day you learn that
there isn't an answer
you can give that will
save me from my fears

you aren't the first person
who has tried to love the
darkness inside away
my family and friends
have given it their all
but someday you too will learn
that if love could
cure mental illness
the world would be
a much better place

Paint me a picture
Of your skin
Does it bronze beneath the sun?
Or sizzle and blush
Like your cheeks
When you’re in love?
Is it soft to the touch
Like when your palms graze
The smooth surface of water?
Or rough around the edges
Like your favorite book
And its lovingly worn corners?
Does it melt in the heat
Like sweet syrupy treats
Dripping through your fingers?
Or does it welcome the winter
With wide open arms
As if greeting a lover?
Paint me a picture
Of your skin

What does it take,
To grow back
Your soul?

To feel a sound
Deep within
Your bones,
To hum a tune,
Arisen from
A place laid
To rest,
A place left
Forgotten,
Only to remember
What it’s like
To be
You completely,
To feel what
It’s like to
Be closer,
To whole.

My poetry is always written
In the heat of the moment

The big picture is often neglected
It is but
One moment in all my life

The perspective might be messed up
And the feelings exaggerated
But it's nice to have that moment captured