I wanna scream this pain
Throw it to the room through my vein
Like thunder in pouring rain

I miss you
when you’re gone
and yearn for you
when you’re right next to me

Smooth midnight black
Desecration blues
Wandering down a desolated road
With my frenzied mind
Raptured, yet empty
Longing for the end of the night
Yet fearing the dawn
And the eternity of an existence
I may never know

Back in the small town,
we hung around the gas station
in the afternoons and at night.
We drank cartons of iced tea
and laughed about nothing.
We watched others live
the lives we wanted.
but weren't quite ready
to begin.

—Ron Gavalik

My love is hard liquor.
Why are you still sober?

I can’t hide it
I crave it
Needing it to survive
The pressure of your body
That look in your eyes
Pulling me closer
Oh closer
Sometimes by my hair
Pinning me to that mattress
Or whatever you dare
For I feel it
I love it
That taste on my lips
Unable to move
With your hands on my hips
Oh you know me
Control me
Fingers dancing on my thighs
All those nights that you’d hold me
Brought stars to my eyes
By that grip of your hand
Firmly ‘round my neck
Oh you’d punish me tenderly
I could never forget
Yes you’d pull me
You’d push me
Goosebumps emerge on my skin
Feeling the beads of your sweat
Drip onto my chin
Kiss me
Tease me
Master you know just what to do
To leave me on my knees
Begging for every inch of you


                     Alysia Marie 2018 ©

Together
in front of computer screens
Separated
Yet Emotions
still, course through
our keyboards

Your almost there .
Your almost enough
Screaming that the rules aren't fair
Almost funny enough
Your never here
Your almost enough
Gone as I tear
Almost needy enough
Your almost near
Your almost enough
Keep having fear
Almost brave enough
You almost share
You're almost enough
Keep saying you do care
Do you really have to make things tough
You almost text
Your almost enough
Keep saying there is no time
Yet never accomplished much
You almost carry
Your almost enough
Carrying me on you shoulder
When things aren't anymore rough
Your almost enough
Your almost here
Only when it's too late
You whisper one last ”wait”

Pergilah mentari
Aku tidak ingin senang hari ini
Tidak bisakah hari ini cepat berakhir?
Aku malas
Dia membuat hatiku goyah
Dengan senyum yang manis
Yang walaupun aku tahu, itu untuk semua wanita
Ini salahnya
Dia hadir dalam hidupku
Membuatku bahagia
Aku benci harus mengaku
Dia lebih baik dari dirimu
Tapi satu hal yang harus kamu ketahui
Aku masih belum menyerah

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

The Peace of God
Is not the absence of
Problems
The Peace of God
Is not the absence of
Pain
The Peace of God
Is the grace that
Empowers you
To carry your cross
With a
Dignity
Diligence
And
Delight
That confounds
The watching world
And
Brings God glory!

I love neither your smile
Nor your being charm
But every single piece of you
From top to bottom
Most of all the way you look at me.

Collusion, collusion!
Oh, what a situation!
In god's own nation!
****, what a misconception!

When they sing about peace and love
Or the beauty of the stars up above
There I see you

When I read about the blue sky
Oh, how could I
not think about you

When I look at the beautiful moon
I know I won't be seeing you soon
But oh, there are you

So when they say to forget
I say the world just won't let
And inside me, still you

The bigger my heart,
the greater my capacity for hurt.

The more open my mind
the deeper I need to think.

The greater my reach
the more grounding I need.

The older I get
the more I listen.

The more I listen
the keener my hearing.

The more I hear
the more my heart weeps.

she was a warrior,
fighting every demon against her,
she never learnt to bow before pain,

she was an artist,
painting happiness in everyone's life,
pouring love even when her own heart was experiencing rain,

she was a healer,
curing every sick heart,
just by touch of her gentle hand,

she was a lover,
loving every moment of her life,
the blooming flowers as well as the grains of sand......

Depression
What a lonely word
But
Everyone goes through it
At least one time in their life
Doesn't it feel lonely
Don't you just want to crawl in a corner
And do nothing
I know
Because
I've been through it
But
At some point
The corner will smile at you
And you will
Smile back

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I was falling
for you

the feeling of
being weightless

the sky and
the ocean are
blue

like your eyes

your eyes and
Einstein’s brain

are the depths
I can never reach

but I will drown trying
to reach either or both

I have Poetry
   written in stars
      across my
         insides....

You'll have to
   pull me open
      to map your way
         to my soul....

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

Tick tock
Time
Telling
Me
To
Take
More
Time
Turning
Tales
Into
Truths--

True love
Taking
Tormenting
Terrifying
Touching
Trusting

True love is timeless
True love demands time
So take your time

3-25-2019

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

sometimes its really easy to think life is perfect but in reality its hard and at points in your life you feel like you want to give up.
when i was growing up i thought yes i have the hang of this thing called life, but then it all hits me i'm no where near being able to handle life

it’s a beautiful thing
this day and age
with bubbling permafrost
with drug-resistance
with obesity treatments
with technological advancements
with scientific discoveries
with silent wars
with blue lava
with bleeding glaciers
with divorce
with sensitivity
with my generation
of people believing
this new generation
is completely and
utterly clueless as a
common occurrence

but let’s think about
what these kids are
into nowadays.

let’s think about who
invented these inane
things for the kids.

my generation of people.

so the kids of today are
the ones who are ******
for liking the things
that we’ve created?

I’m sorry but we have to
be the ones who are obtuse
for believing such things,
oblivious for not
realizing them and
showing the world
we have
little or no imagination
anymore.

the generation before us
has lied to us and
thought us to lie
to the generation
after.

whether it’s the gods
or holidays
or what not.

the youth of the today
are autonomous.
they can not take
responsibility for
their actions nor do
they understand and
just go along
with the trends,
much like,
all the generations
before them
but we need a scapegoat
to cover up our own
farce implementations.

the truth of the matter is..
we’re all a little vacuous
in our own way
especially the ones with
an answer for everything.
living in an imperfect world
where there’s always room
for improvement
nothing for us
or against us
wrapped up in our
congratulatory
self-contradictory
and illogical theories
and as useless as
exploding appendix.

the lost generation
the interbellum generation
the silent generation
the baby boomers
generation x
the millennials

a strong admixture
of imbecility and
self-assurance
filled with belief
and unawareness
to a senseless world

like hate
like blame
like gossip
like jealousy
like being offended
like being impressive
like the punk rock dream
like hospital waiting rooms
like fundraisers and charity events
like your co-worker to the right and
the left of you
and their families
and their families before
them

our greatest creation
our strongest aide

to deconstruct

u see the knife
you watch the glow
u see me smile
but can't hear me cry
u think i'm happy
but inside i'm breaking
u see the blood
then u realize
that i wasn't
lying
when i said
i'm depressed!
u wish u gave me the
support i needed
but now it's too late.
I'm dying inside...

She thanked me
for teaching her
to love herself again
when the only reason
I loved myself
was because of her

-em vidar

My dumb tears are the retort to your moronity
for I regret the moment of slumping in your unloved arms.
©shadeofalonely_girl

How could you deal with this pain everyday?
ignoring the cures that could take it away?
I know you're way out of my reach
I intend to beseech

I'm just here to try to make you smile
but whenever i try, I feel that i'm not worth a while
I try to be happy for you
but i think my day's just too blue

I ask for attention
But you gave me detention
I smile when you reply
But someday you will say goodbye

Knowing that you'll leave
is like a bullet through my believes
You raised me up today
Soon after, I've lost my way

I know you're out of my reach
oh I only intend to beseech
I love giving you a smile when you're down
but i feel that my heartbeat just went down.