There is a tattoo
of a wolf
on my thigh.

A tattoo I had been planning,
for a long time.

Underneath is not what I would call
bare skin.

It is graced with
and possessed with
scars.

Of one kind.

That kind.

I am grateful that now
when I look down

I am not met with harsh lines,
but instead the eyes
of a kind wolf mother.

She now bares the scars that I carved.

Be kind to yourself,

she says.

Depression writes suicide posts in Facebook groups because it screams for attention, but that's not false just because you see the underlying purpose.

Depression is the most real, imaginary thing I've encountered.

Depression is a bombardment of lies in the place of what I know to be true- having strength only in aggressive and dramatic connotation like a movie that feeds from the emotion and imagination of its audience.

Depression is a lie.  
Depression IS a LIE.  

Percieved depression is nothing more than being sad often- which would be kind of nice, for the sake of mental clarity in this present world, had it not been victimized.

Depression is nothing more than an unsustancial, blanketed title of summarized, fear-driven lies.

Depression is for lack of a better word.

One of the hardest things in life is learning to say goodbye to someone you once loved. It's even harder to move on im speaking from my past mistakes i wish i could take them back but i cant. Im now staying goodbye and moving on

When the moon first met the stars,
Did she question
Whether or not
The
Amount
Of
Stars
Surrounding
Made her brighter?

I could pick that laugh out
Any where
Any time
Whether it’s day
Or it’s night
Oh it sends chills down my spine

there's a thin white line
between "glad because of it"
and "sad without it"

Someone once asked me,
"If you could go back and undo having loved him, would you?"
At the time, I said no.
Because even if it hurt to be used and abused,
I really believe the old adage that love is always better.

If I could go back in time, I would not undo loving him.
But I would undo how long I did.

I did not realize that perhaps this makes me damaged goods.
I do not believe that you can only love once in a life,
but I forget that some people do.
I forget that new men may think I have used up my once in a life.

And when he asked me,
"Did you really love him?"
I said yes, once upon a time. But wondered if he wondered
if he couldn't fall for me since I already used up my one time.
And when he asked me,
"Do you still love him?"
I said no, end of story. But wondered if he wondered
if I was telling a lie.

im so dependant on my friends
there the only people that make me happy

when im alone
i just feel empty

a void

i put all there little notes and drawing around my room
so i can look around and smile

without them my room would feel discoloured and lonely

i wish all i needed was myself to feel content

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

Copy right
Copy write
Copyrights
Copywriter
Copying and writing
Is copying right
My work is not copied and written
My work is not copyrighted
Except in my mind
To write
Is to Cope right

I don’t do moon and stars
I’m not good at metaphors
I’m not what you call a romantic
That said, I’m no less enthusiastic
When I give, I don’t count
And when I take, there’s no discount
Don’t question my kindness
Don’t look for my weakness
By your side I’ll stay
As long as you don’t stray
You’ll be mine
Until ends time

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Before the sun could tell time
I became an expert of her
My instrument is her eyes
It took ages of practice
I learned from the moon
And all the colors of the sky

All the stars fall
Our eyes in between
The wind is real
No pain is free
The air is hers
She lets me breathe
Her words are the light
When she talks I can see
Now the window of her
Has unlocked for me
Through a million past lives
Together was the key

i hate the way you hurt me,
the way you make me cry.
i hate the way you hurt me
with that sly look in your eye.

i hate your ****** smile,
the awful grin you use.
when you see the way i look at you,
you always seem amused.

i hate the way you make me write
about you every day.
i hate the way you yell,
i hate every word you say.

i hate the way you hurt me
with every bruise you leave.
bruises on my soul
for everyone to see.

i hate the way you dress.
i hate the way you do your hair.
i hate the way you try to touch me;
it leaves a constant scare.

i hate the way you look at me.
i wish you were never there.
i hate the way you keep me up at night,
sweat collecting in my hair.

i hate the way you hurt me

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

I like to stay dry
I can’t cook but I can fly
In basketball I fry
It's not a joke its not lie

I'm not tall like a tree
But I can beat a beast an not cry
My crossovers aren’t free
You have to pay me because I’m a goat

I will run past you as fast as Bruce lee
People say I’m slow like a boat
But I will beat them in ball a they will die
And at your funeral I will give you a note
And it will show you my eye

If you called
I would answer
And I would say yes

If you texted
I would respond
And I would agree

If you needed
I would be there
And I would be yours

In other news.

What a let down.
Such a buildup just to end like that.
It’s a tragedy.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

No, sir,
You don't get fries with that.

Not today.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

(Madeline Lune)

I fall in love with people with whom I do not truly know
I fear I will never fall in love
As whenever I know a person is when I lose interest
The only way we could be together always is
If there are parts of you I will never be able to figure out

(Peter Gareth)

I fall in love with people with whom I do not truly know
As if I’m only capable of loving the ideal of love
I always fall for shadows, never flesh and bone
Is there something wrong with me?
For it feels like every time I let someone in
My heart wander away

I’m hurting
I know your just doing it because you think it’s “for my own good”
But it isn’t and I hate it when you restrict me from everything that makes me happy
maybe you should try being less of a overprotective parent instead of trying to make me perfect

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

Your love feels like
My toes frozen over
Sunk in the sand
Of the winter time

Your affection feels like
A puddle in the desert
A mirage

And now I vow
To not worship this
I let go
Of the winter time
And the desert

I am deserting self-pity
In my party of 1
I am moving on