you were an oasis in a desert

i thought you were an oasis,
but you were a mirage.
and a mirage is all you will ever be.

Self love will always be
And will always be a struggle
It's the constant acceptance
Of you lacking, of your own flaws
It's the dissonance between
Settling for what's in store or
Trying to see what's for more

Self love is about
Answering the screams you hear
Inside your head once everything
Has settled and calmed

Self love is about
Addressing your fears, of what is
Keeping you awake at night

Self love is about
Letting your tears fall, letting your
Emotions take over every while
For self love is not about sparkles
For it is dark, painful, and tiring

It's hard, isn't it

Isn’t it funny,
The happiness we pretend to have
Is the very thing
Holding us back from living.

I wish . . .
with all of my heart
for you to be happy
by my side

And . . .
if you are not
It's okay
to let go

whether i get the pill or not.
Tomorrow im determined to get further.
i won’t chicken out.
period or not. i really dont even care about me i just wanna eat this girl out.
make her want more of me.
i got this.

“Falling in love” is a contradiction in itself, because in love there is only the rising, the ascending, not the falling.
You can not fall in love, but rather, rise.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

She spread her arms and embraced me
that familiar scent made me smile
I noticed the wrinkles on her arms
and my heart ached

she spent half of her life
preparing what's best for me and still..
she is here
comforting me at my worst

My eyes welled up as i held back my tears
thinking of all the things i couldn't do for her
My heart pounding in a rhythm
thinking of all the best things for her

As she got up to bring me my favorite snack
tears finally escaped my eyes
wiping them away quickly
i promised to myself

I'll never leave you maa

I wish you loved me
but most of all
I wish I loved myself

Good to see you take it
with a laugh a smile a
teary eye from being so
connected
Good to see you are
relieved
Good
my dear
to see you hear the lightness

This is a short story
I’ll take my time telling it

If it turns out to be a long story
I’ll make sure not tell it twice

If you don’t like a true story
I’ll spare you the facts

Nonetheless, a sad story
and all about you and me

Hello, my name is Manipulative
Or at least that's what people call me
I'm also inappropriate.
Along with aggressive and unkind.
Those are some of my other labels.
I'm a burden and a pressure
I'm not fair to others.

What do I want to be when I grow up?
I want to be Leah.
A young woman.
A human being, released from the chains
of the words of others.
I want to be free.

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

You are Shakespeare in a world of fools,
poetry in a world of broken words and
broken feelings.

in a world full of desperate cryings
and spiteful noises,
You are the jazz instrument that
makes it quiet in my mind.

You are love in the middle of
this war i am fighting with myself.

Your lips, pure art,
You are the smile
that brings colour
in this black-and-white world.

You
a dance in a summer rain,
You
a rebel lost in a world of rules,
a free bird,
a mystery,
You
the richest wine,
that makes my dark feelings
numb.

You,
beautiful as Vincent's Starry Night,
Your eyes are two blue moons
i get lost in
You,
the one who has a shelter in my mind,
You,
the purest feet that have ever stepped on my heart.

You,
the voice that lifts me from the abyss
whenever i fall.


To be or not to be is no longer a question,
to be with You
is the only answer.

When I met you
We clicked
We synced
Were were meant to be
You said you loved me
And only me
You were mine
I was yours
Until you stopped texting me good morning and goodnight
Until you cancelled our dates to stargaze on the roof
Until our late night deep talks turned into occasional small talk
Until you stopped saying “i love you”
Until you found “her”
The one who's puzzle piece fit yours just a little bit better than mine
We gradually turned into strangers
Because you found “her”
I used to be “her”
And so did the “her” before me
And so will the “her” after
But there is no “her”
Because none of them will be just right

She said we could spend time together.
A me and her day.
When I asked about it,
she got angry with me.
"I never said that,"
she says.
When I remind her that she did, in fact, say that,
she rubs her head.
"I don't feel good,"
She explains.
The kids at school are wondering why I'm so loud.
Being loud gets me attention,
And I don't have much of that elsewhere.

It's 11:11
and for the first time
after a very long time
I'm wishing for myself
and not for you

She wants
the space to explore,
To feel.
She wants
To test out the air,
To feel freedom
deep down in her soul.
She wants.

they buried a poet
sprinkled his words over coffin
tossed a book into dirt alongside
and waited few decades
to have a leaf sprout
for winds to carry his lines
far
to one with open ears
another circle in a world of squares
have phrases strain down the cheeks
into ink smeared on paper


buried in a trashcan
in a diary
in a library
in dirt
everywhere really...

I got this feeling in my soul
Who put these waves in me?
More awake at night then at day
Dreams make up most of my day
Can you tell me why?
Mesmerized by the ceiling above my bed
What does it say?
You're no ones favorite person
Never were

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

You are not the love of my life,
You are the life of my love ❤️

When the winds blow
free
The tree loses
a leaf
But the leaf loses
an entire tree

It’s complicated

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Slow walking
in the street
with the rain
singing my praise

not for my joy
nor my sadness
but only to prove
my existence