at 4 in the
morning the sun
is never up
but i usually am

i worry
about things
that are out of
my control
even more about
things that are

get up early
when i work
and earlier
when i don’t
the older i get the
more i learn
sometimes you
need to cry it out

alone
at night
into your pillow
the blankets
wrapped all
around you

sometimes you
need to cry
and cry
and cry

until the morning
sun falls across
the tears dried
under your lashes

and the lump
in your throat has
dissolved so you can
breathe with ease

you need to get up
let hot water
wash it away
let the steam rising
from your mug soften
any sorrow left around
your morning eyes
take a deep breath
don’t mention it
to anyone

and
just
keep
going

i will
just
keep
going

he's off somewhere now

ran away with my heart

but I stole his t-shirt, so guess we're even

As if we cared
Let's play that game
As if we tried
Make circles on the ground
As if we were
No more, not now
As we came to be
The only ones that stayed
As if the world
Seemed old, but doesn't
As if we knew
All things forgotten in back closets.

Every wonder in time turns frayed.
Pull at strings of 23 and 59.
Every wonder in time is laid
upon sleeping chests of strangers and time.

I search and long for meaning
I want to just do nothing and fill up
My night with a luxurious rest
Lovers come in pairs
I wonder at the ultimate emptiness by my side
The articles being released lately
About women being solid
On their own.

I wrote in pen on my walls
A sharpie once even
I want to paint and paint it all away
Someday.

The feeling I get of wanting to reach to you
It gets harder everyday
I know we both probably just want to relax
We're finally getting along
I can't go back
I can't go back to wondering
I can't go back to secretly policing
I can't go back to sharing
I can't go back
No, not to you
Not for you
Not even for me.

I miss you
Is all I want to say
But I'll think it and say it to myself
And trust in the quiet
Though it aches
I know my time it is plentiful
But it winds down.

You kissed me,
knowing it you wouldn’t be the last.
You loved me,
knowing you wouldn’t be the only one.
You touched me,
Knowing there’s going to be others.
You hurt me,
Thinking I’ll be alright.
You left me,
Thinking there’s someone better.

I thought

we’ve been    through it all

but you            threw it all

 away.

-

nothing is left
                             now but
  
my broken pieces

I hate myself for allowing you to consume my every thought.

Hey you're a funny guy
Don't bring the pain
The rain says I'm gonna cry

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

My mind is racing faster than my
Heart
Much so-
That if it had its own beat,
My heart would never
Catch
Up

I hate with sweetness Mary's eyes.
They never look at me with love.
I hate with sweetness Mary's hands.
Perhaps she thinks I'm worse than ice.

I hate with sweetness Mary's lips.
To kiss my chest why do they not?
I hate with sweetness Mary's soul.
To the birds mating I want to say.

The best person is
always someone who doesn’t
want to be the best

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

You taught me a lesson, and that was to never trust again.

I'll love you until..
Plankton stops going after the Krabby Patty formula
Sylvester stops trying to eat Tweety Bird
The Smurfs stop singing
Tom stops going after Jerry
Bugs Bunny stops saying "What's up Doc"


But why don't you feel the same?

a wave of dusty pink engulfs the golden glow of heaven
that the dainty clouds bestow upon the magical Earth at sundown

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

went back and read my poems about you
I thought I would never get rid of the memories
but here we are
your a distant image
I dont plan on looking for
im finally un-stuck
from you

The mirror is my enemy
It shows me things way before I am prepared to accept them
And forces me to stare at a creation I deem inadequate.

Sometimes

I just don’t feel like it.

Okay?

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms