They will tell you
All poetry has been written
There is nothing new
Under the moon
But let me tell you
They don’t know you
You are as unique
As the DNA that exists
Within your frame
The ripples on your thumbprint
No one ever had the same.

Listen...

You have something to say
Say it proudly
Say it boldly
Never let them scold you.

Never let them make you go away.

some people say depression is like drowning
but for me you see it’s like floating
i just wish i could float away
and be gone

Black blankets above cover the plane
Not much to see
apart from the rain
Lights in the landscape
vary in height
Specks in the sky
as we travel at night

Circles and signs surround from afar
Cats eyes sparkle below in the tar
Stay in your lane as the lights travel past
Red and white blurs
We're moving so fast

03:31

it’s constant.
constant pounding,
constant screaming,
of your name.
reiterating of you,
and constantly driving me.

absent yet constant.
echoing through every crevice
in my mind,
and of the mind you reside.
constantly screamed to fill the silence you left.

every gap of nothing is filled with everything of you.

you reign over my sombers,
awake when im not.
when my conscious is taken,
you follow me into sleep.
only to wake to you
and sleep to you.
and wake to you.
and sleep to you.
and wake to you,
and yet another
daily,
cyclical torment,
where the only constant is you.

constantly
constantly
constantly.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Dear diary;
my heart
met my soulmate
in the space between
slumber and waking.

and god, i loved him
i was far too young
far too fragile
to know what that meant, but
above all else
i loved him

you're like a papercut
a quick slice with a week long burn  
I wonder what you're like
when you're not pretending

I don’t make decisions for me
Because I don’t care
Risks don’t count
I could do anything

But I know better
I know there’s a version of me
Someone who would care
Someday...
It’ll matter to her
I can’t ruin this for her
I can’t destroy everything for her
Because I know what she’s been through
I can’t... I can’t make her pick up my mess...

This disease struck me
Like a brick on pavement
Hard

Everything was
Perfect
Then that brick came along
And with the slightest movement
Destroyed everything

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
The voices say

Why can’t I let them go?
They keep repeating:

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Why won’t they stop

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
I don’t understand

“Count it
Perfect it
Measure it
Clean it”
Someone just HELP me understand

This disease is about
Perfection
But it's the biggest
Imperfection about me

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

what love- bursting at the seams,
his manic eyes
translated the tendencies.
I look to the sky
and your resentments move like tides
how we will deny, and never ask why
the capsize or joyride
of an unruly sense of pride.
your mission to suicide
or the fear I felt as you died
the clouds became my guide
as I tried to make you stay inside.
you can decide
a flame will burn and we’ll collide.

i'm about as transparent
as the mirror on my wall
that says to me
"where is your mask?
put it on."

hear ye hear ye ironically simpler times our depleting drug
whiles life an ending attacking that's killing us steadily

"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.

So many people focus on finding love
I'm too busy finding myself

my feelings don’t stop
they run and run like the water from the faucet
into the bath you prepared for us
and by the time you and I get in the tub
it overflows
lavender scented bubbles coating the white tiles of your floor
I try to clean it up but the ground just get sticky
and I feel your eyes bore into the back of my head
as I mop up the leftover bath salts with your faded, yellow towel

another kind act of yours ruined by my worries

i can feel your hand loosening its grip around mine
as we step onto the subway platform
and you don’t grab at my waist
while I make oatmeal in your kitchen like you used to
back when my bruises were endearing and I was light and new

but my emotions peek through the cracks
that past lovers left inside of me
the hole my father made in my heart when I was 8 years old
occasionally shows itself when you ask why
I can no longer drink orange juice in the morning

and when the sun makes it way through the curtains
and shines onto my body
it’s easy to see all the pieces broken inside of me
and suddenly i'm not the dream you thought I was

Whilst drinking
I wasn’t thinking
And I pulled out a rocket
Made of anger and self loathing
Wrapped up in childish clothing
Then just released it into the room

It flew into the faces
Of the innocents in their places
Which was wrong
I felt instant twinges of regret
But I wasn’t finished yet
As I swore and hit and cursed

A fool resides in here
His guilt is all too clear
The wallowing never stops
A conscience he must regain
That is floating in the rain
Before it gets washed away

Neurons in over drive
There’s no way I survive

Maintain contact
Maintain contact

The traitors
They divert to your mountainous
Zit

You notice
You stand
You dismiss

My lips
Grinning like a madman

Eyes just summiting
Manicly laughing
Thanking you

Did I thank you?

Not mine
Pointless worrying
Not yours
Pointless questioning
Not his
Pointless arguing
Not hers
Pointless doubting
Not theirs
Pointless measuring
God's time.

don't leave me alone

even if I begged you so

trying so hard to let go

I'll hold on tighter

don't leave me alone

even if I said so

I'm desperately screaming inside my head

no I'm not okay

the voices say I'm a burden

so I shut my mouth and forget I'm broken

I can feel it

every inch of my skin

I'm sorry I can't say it

please just leave me alone

don’t look at me
that way

I feel naked
in your presence

I am not in control
I cannot remain silent

your questions
have exposed me

you have loosed
my tongue

with your cleverness
with your insight

seeing inside me

you must be from
another world

you possess a
super power

I have never felt

You don't know
why the dog is
afraid of you:
I do.

I offered my hand
You gladly turned it away
Familiar pain

Don't tell me
      love is constant
      in verity
      it's sometimes distant

Why doesn't my feelings disappear as easily as you did?

she is a happy ending,
not everyone can wait for.

There is some days when I don’t love you. But it’s not because of you. This days I don’t love myself so I can’t also love you too. But it doesn’t mean that you bad. No. It’s just this kind of days. I guess everyone has this days. Hope you understand.

I want to write you
I want to put your smile into epics
Your eyes into ballads
Your kisses into rhymes
I want your hands as a free verse
Your smell a pastoral poem
Every word you speak is like a love song
And I want it
“Tattooed on my soul”
Forever
I want to write everything about you
And fill a thousand books with you
My muse
My love
I want it to well up in my ink
To overflow
Spill off every page
Like I feel your love spill
Onto me
I want to write your every detail
As only a lovesick poet could