my grip is slipping,
and falling scares me.
my world is fading away.
h      
          e
                     l
                             p
       m
                 e

h
          e
                    l
                          ­     p
          m
                     e

writing was an escape but even now words slip off the paper like tear drops.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

I believe in Magic.
Not the dream come true kind but the gathering
I know it’s just some stupid card game
But when you don’t know how to make friends
Maybe a little magic will help.

People die
              and feelings change

       Feelings die
              and people change

                    but from the start,
                                              in between,
                                                           and in the end....
                                                                                                  life always,
                                                                                          always goes on..

my heart is aching
marathon running, breaking
hammer falls, staking
embracing pain, mind shaking
tears stinging, awakening

I forgot to tell you, this time around
when the door closes  
the dark will be just a thought.

space is my addiction
proximity is key
get a little closer
and i'll never
let you leave

Depression
Being so tired you can't get up.
You can't drag yourself out of bed.
Anxiety
Being so wound up you can't sleep.
You can't sit still without feeling like
Your skin will crawl off.
It's a weird feeling having both at once.
Like you can't move,
But under your skin in vibrating.

life is simple but
some things are clear in the dark,
in the soft moonlight.

I pretend
she
is sleeping
here
beside me
when
I lie
awake at
night.

It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.

Tend to me
Like a thirsty garden once forgotten
Sing to me
Like a crying infant, pure and innocent
Hug me
Like an old friend years after
Look at me
Like an abstract painting, more complex with each glance
Touch me
Like the the cold steel strings of your guitar
Love me
Like you did before

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I didn’t notice
When you
Screamed
For help

When I think of you
I think of feeling your skin pressed firmly against me
I tease your lips with the promise of a kiss as I close my eyes in the silence surrounding us
We are intimately close and I need this feeling so bad
But I know it'll never happen because it already did and you're dead to me
Rest in pieces

there are certain smells that bring you to what has happened and what could’ve happened. the smell of freshly cut grass and burning leaves hit me in the face, hard.
grudgingly but almost willingly my existence is forever humbled.

Silent nights
and empty days
the heart does break
bleak inside this cage
I keep my rage stained
red to black
I can't make it back
can't make it back

©️JMCole

You're like a rose
I held onto you for too long
And you hurt me

The city lights sparkled
And glimmered
Like the night sky
You were the moon

I bathed in your light
Only for a short while
Felt your touch
Till daylight stole it away

Whenever we get our own
Hands will shake
untethered and all the way
friction for me and my god
hoping for more than that

Do you need me?
Or do you need someone?
There is a difference...

Thrown aside like a wilted flower.
I guess it’s safe to say I’ve had enough.
But there’s no one near so I’ll never feel their touch.
Why can’t I be worth more?
Maybe then everyone wouldn’t shut the door.
But I’m running out of time.
So I guess I should just try to let the sun shine.

i anchor
myself
to the back
of your mind
you wish
me away
but here
i still linger

I want to die to make my soul untainted like the sky
To be a beautiful butterfly
To see all the moments when I was shy
I want to be the air in the sky
To make myself blue not dry
It's a wish of a broken fly

You tend to me
in a way
no one else has before,
letting me grow
anew.

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own

got to eat them as they darken
reddened ruby to black constant opal
berries will rot quickly if you don’t
or they’ll taste real gooey and wierdy
if you let the drupelets’ colors get
unsynchronized like summer and fall

...why am i telling you this?
because i learned that the hard way
and the days go away in the gleam
heavy showers and peak-a-boo sun
the east barely bracing for the storm
and the sweetness decaying like the leaves

Undressed me with his eyes,
I weakened him with mine.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.