In a dream
I drank the color
of your eyes,
and swallowed
the tone
of your voice

chest pain and it's getting harder to breathe
tornados hyperventilating through my lungs
ocean tides are rising
blurring out my vision
desert waves of heat burning up my skin
the rage of an amazonian fire
scalding my hopes and dreams
vertebrae line my spine like jagged mountain peaks
rips in my nail beds
the parting red sea
callous on my hands the way you were callous to me

your best stuff will never be posted here
<>

goose, you crack me up,
your bests stuffs can never be posted,
the tender stroke away of a child’s tear,
the welcoming of a smile delightfully unexpected,
a first grade art project so successful
it is mounted forever on a
front door Hall of Fame

a good cry all your own,
in private sobbing,
mouth mourning the absence of
a kiss on the back of your neck
shivers with surprising waves of pleasure,
that announces you are more than noticed

if you can post these stuffs,
call me asap,
because that’s the sight
I wanna see & be,
when only the best stuff you got given,
given got,
becomes real


10:03am

4/11/19

Eyes, like estuaries,
droplets carry our weary emotions,
into a sea,
where needing cedes its frustrations,
the turbulent I,
let me run dry.

i'm not looking for god,
but i'm down on my knees.

i decided to drop in and say hello, expecting that my nervous feelings would soon mellow.

he said hey in return,
my heart set on fire and i could feel it burn.

but i'll let him in and go after that beautiful face,
and hope that somewhere in his heart i'll find a place.

I'm sorry I stole your sweatshirt
I was aiming for your heart
This was the closest I could get
Without completely falling apart

You're dancing away with a smile,
never return
Leaving only jealousy behind
Thanks as always, darling
Can you love me better next time?

It hasn't been the same...

The nights are darker
Stained with nightmares
My days blur together
In motionless decay

The day has dawned
My light has has blown out
Everything good is gone
All green was gold, now black

All my joy is with you
It truly hasn't been the same anymore...

a world like this
was never meant to hold you

maybe-

     if you write

your feelings down

      and threw them away,

they would...

       go away too ?

    don't allow-

       lingering,
       longing,

consume you anymore.

         because

    time-

          is not

refundable but,

           hearts apparently are

     when you return

            your heart,

time ignores the loss

       time will always win

and...

          never look back

    you shouldn't either

She is a hive full of
Sweetness.
But , never far from
the sting .

“I see you “ she smiles
as she touches my face .

Upstairs she lies
with coverlets and curtains.

I am searching
and searching.
But , for what
I’m not sure .

Maybe diamonds
but probably
Fireflies and Lace .

Working towards not
losing my shadow.

My inertia’s held
prisoner
to her beauty
my moral vision
called and questioned.
The death of leaves ,
stranded on the high wire
in the back of beyond.

No more
curling into
my embrace
purring your
contentment.
No more
scratching
gently at the door
catching
my attention.
No more
racing madly
through the grass
chasing shadows
and sunbeams.
Oh Minnie
I miss your presence
but still
I sense your essence.

With pencil in hand
Take these lines
And draw me
Every edge
Every curve
Every angle

Bring me to life
With each stroke of your pencil
So that I feel every
compression
Every feather light touch
On the paper
As you draw

Shade me so that my shadows come to life
Bring me forth
from the darkness
So that I may see the glorious light

Create me
In the way
And the shape you see
For it is through your eyes
That it is when I truly
Come alive...

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

I don't believe in soul mates
What I do believe in
Is people that connect
On some deeper level
Immediately upon acquaintance
And not meaning you agree
On where to eat for dinner
But the connection where your heart
Seems to slip out
Of your rib cage
Because it's found a home
Outside of your chest.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

the suffering i have danced through.
the tears i have bathed in.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

This pen & paper knows a lot about her
It's her life,
Her journey & little more of imagination.

It relates her
Rather completes her.

Because Somewhere
She is Forlorn,
sad with day's drama.

Her journey gets a shape,
Word, sentence through it.

She finds peace in them.

Atleast, they don't ditch her.
They always exist when she needs them.

This pen and paper knows a lot about her,
It's her innervoice, which the world doesn't know.

Death is alive
In my head
He’s one of my tenants
Taking up the most space

when they stand behind you
protect them

when they stand beside you
respect them

but when they stand against you
destroy them

"The Meaning"



I will not know the meaning
Of the word love
Until I love
I will not know the meaning
Of the word service
Until I serve
I will not know the meaning
Of the word death
Until I die

There are many, many words
I hope I never know

I want to write my own story
But sadly I only hold the pen of a poet
Not the pen of destiny

Mixed with shame,
A tint of red that calls my name.
Tiptoe around the subject,
Or else you’ll see me burst.
Holding all these things inside
Makes me feel worse.

If a writer
Falls in love with you
       you can never
                die................

I’m tired of my hands


<>
and my hands are tired of me,
the never ending pick up, put down choring,
without a end date lease or a by your leave,
if I never see a ***** dish or a poem unfinished,
my hands will be permanently attached
in one of them praying emojis

tired of my big mouth so wide,
saying **** notions like love you,
and love no more, so just shut it,
nobody’s somebody don’t care,
stick to whether the weather gonna change,
and if you’ll be sleeping in
the bed or the couch

tired of brain worrying,
brain farts polluting the atmosphere,
things I won’t do nothing about,
words gone to hell, climate change arguing,
poem titles that are body-less horsemen,
no useful good to no-body without
hands and feet and words in between

tired of my hands smacking my head,
and the headache that’s sure to follow,
tired of talking bout if it might rain someday,
man,
I am tired
in places I ain’t got no earthly reason,
and no words to say hey,
I’m tired of my hands (and most everything)
<>

8-24-19 2:28pm

no more food for me.
I would rather starve and feel bad about what i did to him
rather than live without him and not punish myself.

"Are you okay?"

                           I'm always hurt,
                          Always in pain,
                          Every inch of my being
                          writhing.
                          An­d if you could fathom the
                         chaos in my head,
                         So monsterous that I pray you
                        never come to understand it.

                        Every moment of every day my
                        soul cries,
                       And if you looked into my eyes
                       you'd see it all...
                       Everything I hide behind a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine."