I think this is what it feels like
to be even somewhat a normal person?

Is that what it feels like
to be stable?
Not sad?
Not manic?
No some god-awful mixture
of both at the same time?

I don't have much to say.
I only write poems when I'm sad.
Or manic.
Or mixed.
And I'm not.

I'm really not.

Para sa Pusong Iniwan
: A Spoken Word Poetry by Stephanie Dela Cruz

Umuulan na naman pala
Basa na naman ang kalsada
Malamig na naman ang dampi ng hanging nagmumula sa bukas na bintana
Gabi na rin pala, nalipasan na nang gutom,
Nakapatay ang ilaw sa kwarto, pero maya’t mayang binibisita ng liwanag ng kidlat
ang malungkot na gabi
Ang hirap pala ngumiti kung may luhang dumadampi sa mga pisngi
Nakakatawa kasi eh. Buti pa ang kidlat bumibisita
Buti pa ang kidlat, may hatid na liwanag, tapos yayakapin ka ng kakaibang lamig ng haplos ng hanging dala nito
Mabuti pa ang ulan, bumubuhos na parang malayang-malaya
Bumubuhos kasama ng mga luha
Bumubuhos kasama ng mga sakit na iniwan
Bumubuhos kasabay ng pagluha ng pusong iniwan.

Umaga na naman pala
Buti nalang nagising ng maaga
Haharap sa mesa, at kagaya ng nakasanayan, magtitimpla ng mainit na kape
Tatangkaing gisingin ang diwa, susubukang palitan ng init ang hatid na lamig ng gabi
Iba talaga ‘pag hinahatid ka ng sariling paghikbi sa kapayapaan ng mundo ng mga panaginip
Doon kung saan walang sakit, yung bang walang imposible
Heto na naman, panibagong araw
Araw-araw kong nasisilayan ang sigla ng sikat ng araw pero bakit dama pa rin yung dilim kinagabihan
Hindi pa rin matanaw ang liwanag
Tinangay mo kasi
Sinama mo sa pag-alis
Bakit naman kasi ang bilis? Hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam

Tanghali na pala
Oras na ng kain.
At tulad ng dati, inaaya pa rin nila ko kumain
At tulad ng dati, tumatanggi pa rin
Kasi alam ko pupuntahan mo ko tapos sabay tayong kakain
Dun sa dati, sa paborito natin
Tanghalian na pala
Pero imbis na sa pagkain ay sa telepono ako nakatingin
Hindi man aminin pero sa loob loob ko’y naghihintay pa rin
Para sa iyong “kumain ka na ba?” o “Puntahan kita, kain tayo”
Hingang malalim, yung may kasamang matinding damdamin

Ilang tanghalian pa at malilimutan rin kita

Malilimutan ko rin yung ningning sa’yong mga mata kapag kausap kita
Yung mga biro **** corny pero tatawanan ko pa rin kasi habang binabanggit mo yun, natutuwa  ako
Natutuwa ako na kasama kita
Natutuwa ako na kausap kita
Natutuwa ako kasi akin ka
Natutuwa ako kasi ang cute mo, para kang batang masayahin
Natutuwa ako kasi magkasama tayo
Natutuwa ako kasi solo natin ang bawat sandali
Natutuwa ako kasi ikaw yan at mahal kita

Yun. Tumpak! Mahal pa rin kita.


Matagal na rin pala.
At hindi na tulad ng dati
Memoryado ko na lahat ng pasikot-sikot ng pagkatao mo
Ginawa kasi kitang mundo ko
Mahirap.
Masakit.
At para lang malaman mo, hindi kita kinabisado na tila mga salita sa paborito nating kanta para lang limutin
Mahirap.
Masakit.
Hindi naman kasi kita ginawang mundo para lang lisanin
Pero hindi naman talaga kita nilisan, mahal.
Ikaw yung nang-iwan
Ikaw yung sumuko
Ikaw yung bumitaw
At matagal na rin pala
Nung sinabi mo sakin na “Malaya ka na” alalang-ala ko pa. Yun yung panahon kung kalian ayaw kong lumaya. Ayaw kong lumaya sa pag-ibig mo. Gusto ko masintensyahan ng habang-buhay na pagkakulong dyan sa puso mo, sa buhay mo.

Pinilit ko kumapit pero kinalagan mo ako, pangako, pinilit ko pero pinalaya mo ako

Matagal na rin pala
Mahirap pa rin.
Masakit pa rin.
Ako nalang ang hinihintay. Siguro’y panahon na.
Para sarili ko naman yung palayain ko
Hindi naman siguro kailangang pilitin
Hindi naman kasi ganoon kadaling kalimutan ang isang taong naging parte na rin ng pagkatao ko
Pero para sa ikalalaya ng pusong iniwan
Para sa ikagagaling ng pusong lubos na nasaktan
Sisimulan ko na…..                makalimot.

Pero teka…


Umuulan na naman pala.
Wag naman sana pero ayan na, papatak na naman pala


Maaalala na naman kita.

In my hours of bliss
Here in this world full of words
In my time of grief
You’re my poem I’ll always write
and the story of my life

I engulf my body in the warm water,
Listening carefully to the beating of my heart,
Filling my ears.
Being careful not to corrupt the liquid surrounding me,
Trying to remind myself I am alive.

Love is pure,
a feeling of allure,
and suddenly to him the only thing that matters is her,

if only it was always that way,
now there's to many games to play,
it's so hard to find but she'll hope to find it one day,

everything ends with a flash,
a bang,
a snap or even a crash,

all alone,
forever to be,
never to find someone to love me.

I wanted to  love  her
          like  she's  never  been
          loved before...
          With my hands
          I  unarmed  her  heart,
          with my eyes
          I  undressed  her  soul.

           and I whispered to her,
           "You are a poem
             I keep on writing,
             a book I can't put down,
             a story that is
              never ending,
              a page I cannot turn."

               Loving you
               in breathless
               moments,
               stolen kisses,
               adrenaline
                rushes...
                                                                                     Jon York   2019

Dancing in your party dress
Singing along to Tom Petty
Twirling around and around
The brightest smile on your face
A girl so full of life
So in love with life
And that's how I always remember you

It’s as if you’re not there
You don’t talk or try
You don’t speak, you don’t creek
You’re scared of the consequences
Yet you’re scared
Scared of the disaster you may leave behind you
You didn’t mean for him to fall in love
Not so deeply
Not yet
You don’t want to hurt him but you don’t want to stay
Leave and say goodbye Angel, delight of god and deliverance of ****

The night is gazing over, delicately yet lush
in a narrowed path by the meadow, filthy yet spry
where a little hidden blue eyes, cold but did survived
looked up for another twilight, in beauty but unjust
it's little auburn eyebrows, muddy yet defined
Furrowed slowly in bright light, dreadful but alright
thinking of what things to conquer, ignorant yet will pry
and the events that will take them for granted, addled yet aspires
when hunger and thirst relinquish, empty but will trance
they wait for another night lamp, asleep yet alive

i.

spring's grey moons
everything is still
the hush of the skies.


ii.

first new buds
white cloud of hawthorn
morning's broken ghosts.

iii.

strengthening sun,
iron and feathers sky,
bird like a speck.

iv.

blue edge of sky
sunlight on flashy wings
empty world.

v.

clouds of drowning white
blowsy sweetened breeze
tall grasses sway.

vi.

last winter gust,
shadow on the earth
song of the rain.

vii.

surreal morning tide
hurrying wave
kiss for my love.

viii.

sea-spray hits a sail
anchor lowered down
ropes thrown to shore.

keep me with you;
remember how my heart sounded
when we lay together,  a blue light
trembling between us, as i looked from your eyes
to the night out the window, and the grey clouds
gathering themselves swiftly
across the deepening sky, balancing a
yellow star, that seemed to swell,
with our lifing skin, breathing
the other's wonder

at something beginning,

stay with me;
keep in the tangled chords of our minds
the music of a ruptured kiss,
of the violence of our chests pressed
not knowing how to know the other entirely
and weeping at each moment we missed

bring me home; tempt me into engagement
touch each scar on me as i
tell you i cant tell you how much
your privacy means to me

smell you on me
how your fingerprints
mapped a future together, and how i
cant undecipher, the language
you gave to me

trust me
i love you
even knowing
you're leaving me

I refuse
To keep emptying my cup
To overflow yours
For I have given all that I can
Far too many times
With hardly a single drop
Left for myself
While you,
With your exorbitant porcelain
Laden with the finest wine
Has watched my cup chip and *****
Slowly desiccating back to the clay
In which it was fashioned

I'm happy,
I'm sad,
I'm annoyed,
I'm Laughing,
I'm Crying,
I'm Living,
I'm mentally dying,
I'm depressed,
"I'm a loser",
I'm a distorter,
I'm Bipolar...

Few people can be beleived
The lips are packed with lies
Words fall as if manœuvred
To benefit selfishness’s world.

I carry the dust of deceitful
tongues, swollen, diseased
Where is cleanliness left?
‘The dog’s bowl at the door’.

Love Mary ***

Press Pause for one moment
A moment for eternity
Find your light inside yourself
It's terribly clever, an expert in disguise
It hides from the storm, which...
The storm of perception
But, turn off for a moment
Put the flurry out, and as the debris settles
Your light will be seen
Be careful, you don't want it to run away
You must love it and care for it
Feed it
Not with the faults in our world
But our TRIUMPHS!
Introduce it to the other lights
And soon you will see an eternally brighter world

what is it about her?
that makes her better?

You took our things
And boxed them up
Put them away
Into the dark
At least when they're hidden
You'll have a chance to forget about us

Spilling my truth as if it were my own blood
It drains me as I search myself
For what sleeps inside

If I added up all my scars,
across my arms and over my hips,
I could stitch them up,
into untold stories and engrave them on my skin,
so everyone could see,
the vulnerability beneath..

If I spread my wounds across a canvas,
purple, blue, red, and other hues,
creeping on rippled fabric like stars in the night sky,
I’d create galaxies,
with craters, suns and moons,
constellations of healing wounds.

The heart scars reopens
Especially when you give your all to someone and you're too blind to see what it is.
Because at fifteen, when someone says they love you and bother to talk to the one hiding behind a curtain of hair,
You feel wanted.
You feel loved.
You feel like you matter.
But you don't, so watch your back.
Careful who you let in before it's too late to run

You shine in the moonlight
A sparkling beacon of promise
Worth every drop of sweat and tears
Worth everything

The prize
A reward for years of miserable life
A well deserved meal after famine
Most divine taste of glory

It’s been so long
I watched you glittering in the dark
Listened to your enchanting song
Dreamt of you day and night

Lost myself on the way
Bruised and cut millions of times
Bleeding hurt left behind
Never gave up

Followed the golden trail
One step at a time
Falling down climbing high
Reaching to where you are

The day is breaking
I can smell you
You’re so close
I can almost touch you...

someday it will
come again.
someday someone
will come in.

a star
with the deepest depths in the eyes
with the gentlest of breaths
and endless soul in the smile

one day
i'll forgive this pain
not forget -
forgive.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I wish I were made of stone
So your words would never hurt me
I wish I were cold as ice
Then maybe I wouldn't be lonely

I wish I were made of steel
So my strength would never waver
If only I could turn back the clock
To a time when I felt safer

But I'm only flesh and bone
And your words have left me bleeding
My heart is torn apart
It's a wonder it's still beating

You made up your mind
Given me your final answer
What we shared is in the past
Time to write a brand new chapter

I will fix my broken heart
Some how glue it back together
It may never be the same
It'll bare this scar forever

But I'll be strong, I'll be alright
Though I'm not as hard as steel
And I can't turn back the clock
In time....my heart will heal

I want to lie
with my legs
entangled in yours,
I want to live
with my heart
in sync with yours,
I want to die
with my hands
entwined in yours..
I am
unashamedly yours.

It’s been five years today
I will never be okay
I can smile and I can laugh
Inside I’m broken and that’s that.

i fell for you and you only watched.