the count starts now (tired of tired)


I read your outcry at 3:00am
posted on Facebook

you are
tired of tired
sick of sick
the only question, will it ever end...

rise this day,  start another way...

count your blessing
count against all odds
for there are more than merely one

use both hands
both hands chested to feel the heart thrusting,
for living is a wondrous blessing unique
an unbelievable to believe than so many beats,
born and borne,
by you, a strength unequaled,
you a richness possessed

count that one first.
count my hands holding your shoulders.
count that as two, one for me, one for you.

more? more.  

mirror.  find the tiny light in each eye against a yellow backdrop.

add two more. for they are a sparking confidence of confirming.

you felt the heart thrumming
go back, feel the breathing warmth breaching forth.
add another. for now known you can never ever be cold.

wash the face, wash away the caution that sleep leaves,
the coverlet of fear that fears you not to dare,
amazing that tap water plain is sacred when it
miracle breaks you out and anoints thy forehead with pure oil like the kings of yore, be a kingly human being.

go out. do not return
until one act of kind is performed and
count that as a thousand blessed, a sum recurring recounted

walk humble and the path will always appear.
walk contented for you can be both king and servant,
there is no difference - you must be both to be the other
one.

and if you still cannot raise the head,
call me.
that would be a blessing for me
and I will hear your blessings sounds mine merge,
dear friend and no more stranger,
that is the simplest definition of our learning to count to
infinity

an angel gave me his eyes and it ruined me
baby blue, with a sugary smile
attentive and excited
made me miss his hands
but he was no more an angel than you
his skin stretched thin over anger and assumption
so why were his eyes so sweet?

it's not always about the way you look,
because looks don't always read like a book.
you didn't see me with the glance that you took,
because i cannot be an open book.

i'm sorry if you want to know more,
but trust me you'd have to be sure,
because in my mind you will find,
the most frightening things my life can bring,
haunting me night and day,
never able to get away,
because i am fighting a civil war.
in my brain.

Nothing speaks to the ears of the profane so loudly as silence.

Quick create another identity
got to get more for my trolling
I'm getting confused now
created so many
I'm losing count .

Well I'm a coward
unfulfilled and I only get any lift
from trolling
so don't judge me
I'm a coward, a sad inadequate
that's all

To me you can bring
The meaning of spring
Cause your laughter is sweet
To my own heart beat

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

I’m
       Falling
                     Down
                                  A
                                       Staircase
                                                        With
                                                                  No
                                                    Chance
                                             Of
                            Getting  
                    Up
Everything
                     Disintegrates
                                               I
                                                   Destroy
                                                                  Anything
                                                                                    I
                                                                       Touch

if ever

you don’t

feel

like you have a home,

pull me close,

wrap your arms around me,

rest your head on my chest,

close your eyes,

and feel the warmth of the fireplace

resonating from within my heart.

It's hard to say
Goodbye.
Harder still,
When
You've missed the chance.

I want to fall in love in an art museum,
and gaze at paintings,
and see myself through them;

                 dancing between the lines

       singing among the colours

They say falling in love takes a while
But I knew the second you made me smile

When we said our goodbyes
I only wanted to close my eyes

The thing is that a broken heart almost heals
The shattered pieces goes back to the old feels

But my heart will always ache
Because there's a splint which didn't find its place

And I know when I try loving someone new
That splint will remember you

Even tough i in every place
Keeps seeing your face

I'll let the memories fade
Continue my live in a haze

I want you to know I wish we were soulmates
But i guess that just isn't our fates

i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.

Through gritted teeth
do it.

do the thing
your depression tells you that you don't love anymore.

do the thing
your anxiety paralyzes you from.

the things
deep down in your bones

Through gritted teeth
do it.

Rusty chains,
Years old pains,
A faint soul awash in the rains.

Live free
and you'll see
what this existence can be.

Imprisoned
just isn't
the fate we envisioned.

Live free,
turn the key,
Just do it for me.

Metal bars,
And deep scars,
Are no replacement for stars.

Hear my plea,
and to a wondrous degree,
Live free.

You lit up my world like a
Quick strike of a match,
Illuminating everything yet
Fast consuming anything.
I can't believe I fell so fast
Again and so I
Watch from afar
The still singeing debris.
At the core of it
Lies your crumpled blackened body,
Poised perfectly to a
Tempting degree.

Wind chimes backward are like heaven in my
We cannot escape the past
So you and i will never last
"I love you" and lies were a blast
But even love, too, has it's final dance
ym ni nevaeh ekil era drawkcab semihc dniW

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

for the first time
since the last time
i think i stopped missing you
today.

It hurts to know
It hurts to see

That you have replaced me
That you have past me

I am happy for you, that you moved on
I am happy for you, that you have found someone new

I told my brother
I told my sister in law

That I am not well
That I am suicidal at times

It was a relieve to tell
It was painful to see

Silence fell when I told
His eyes turned into water when I told

A river of tears was streaming down
But it didn't weight him down

To tell me, to let me know, he is there for me
He loves me, he will be here with me

I am grateful that he is here
He wants me to be here

Time is all I needed I said
Time is the hardest thing to let pass by

I told myself I can do this
I told them I can do this

So I will do this, I will see it through
So I can do this, just because I said so

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

We are all a little lost,
                  a little tired,
                  and a little lonely,

                  You are not alone.

What do I chase
If I must one day
Take leave from
Consciousness?

Love.

It doesn't just disappear
It's always there
Regardless of dreams
Or otherwise

Regardless of
The awareness of
You
and
I

Rain on me,
For I have been longing to be free.
Lost in my world, needlessly.

Rain on me,
For I am too tired and I need sleep.
This world is a herd and I cannot be its sheep.

Rain on me,
And show me the way.
This place is empty and I cannot stay.

Rain on me,
It has been too long.
I am sick and tired of pretending to be strong.

Rain on me,
I want to see the lightning pierce the sky.
As the thunder roars and the clouds fly.

Rain on me,
Let the winds take my mind to another land.
No one needs to know and no one needs to understand.







Tanay Sengupta, Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved.

If your poem touches at least one person's heart, then it becomes more than a poem

"How are you?"

"I’m fine."

fine, fine like mother’s china,
breaking with a touch.
fine, fine like a fair maiden,
for whom only tragedy awaits.
fine, like the thread of life,
flimsy and anxious.
I’m fine,
thanks.