Every table turns, every turn twists
the truths began to shatter
truths on which I would subsist

The truths I knew changed like the tide,
weighing down heavily in my gut,
they lie inside, mummified


Now I live, free as the flock
I swing through the stars, honor my scars
learning about myself and taking stock

When real danger happens
It will be downplayed
Making US think
It's okay
To be afraid
And blame the little guy
Don't think of commenting
Just keep that trap shut
Kick me under infinite tables
Sweep it under multiple rugs
Stop BLUFFING the DONT BE
DONT BE DUMB
Dialog, that keeps
Popping up....
It was around this point that my notebook got stolen
And I lost an amazing poem
But new version coming soon.

Take my body
I no longer need it
My soul is already yours

A few days ago I felt
I was at one

I don't really know why I was
all down in the dump

But now I took out the trash
without me in the bag

Cause I said and seen a lot
to know now what's good and
what not

So I was at 1 feeling like my life
was down
It took awhile but I am at a 10
and this time I will not give in

To the darkness with in me
you can't control  me

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

She loved him
and he didn't had
any idea.

What's the saddest?

He knew
and she didn't had
any idea.

Been there, missed that.

I am not a dreaming material.

I don't even have a threatening smile at my disposal.

It takes certain courage to be dumb and to know it.

Soon it will too late. It better be a comforting thought.

You'll be fine, just be ready to be fine.

death has entered my dreams again.

Surely I would know it
If there were any truth to this
The senses, yet, are treacherous
And mostly so’s the wit

Clearly I can see it
Awoken from reality
Plugged into a conscience
That feeds on mere deceit

Truly I’ll believe it
When intuition strikes
The mirrors running liquid
Through my mind

Freely, I would will it
Convinced by logic’s myth
But ignorance is willfulness
And indifference is bliss

she accepted people’s bad behavior,
because she thought,
they went through  difficult things.
yet, she invalidated her own feelings,
even if she knew what she went through.

i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it

I spend too many nights thinking
Wondering, writing, dreaming
Of someone who doesn't even think of me

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

i spend my days
pouring myself into the cups of others

only to find that
when it’s time for myself
to take a sip

all that’s left
in my cup
is the remainder of a girl
who gave too much

waiting for the storm to hit
feels like burning yourself
you don’t notice the pain
until there’s contact

you just have to wait it out
and trust the process

I traced the texture of your words
Like my heart was blind
And your voice was braille

She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote

bright eyes,
your words sparkled
with the same light,
but even empty things
shine if you look
at them just right.

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

Have you ever felt the silence?
The silence that drags you down,
into to the dark void where everything feels... empty.

The emptiness makes you gasp for air and wish you could turn off your mind.

you get tall when you think of me
in yours arms

You.
Are.
A.
Walking.
Masterpiece.

I'm sinking farther into the sea
Air cut off, unable to breathe

But it's not all too bad
The water's warm
and the fish look nice

It's a shame I can only see this
By myself
at the end.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I am afraid of change -
it's so relative, so hard to prepare for.
I might like it better if it came less frequently,
if it waited just a day more so I could enjoy myself in the thicket of catkins.
Or gave me a notice so that I'd know it would be goodbye.

Spring comes again next year, I know this. But too fast we move on from the mourning of Winter. Slow your sunshine, pull the winds back, give me one last song of sorrow before you forget about her and move on.

Like we always do, always moving on, leaving it in the dust.
Take a breath first so I can at least let it go.