God is broken, on our side.
We scream prayers to heaven
But they don't arrive.

And I've gotten so sick -
of complaining.
The fence is the trick.
It's mandating.

How we can ask to die.
Now life is just a picture-
To share with an ally.

I make my bed on cold hard ground
I raise up long before first rays of dawn
It's a life I choose
I am not bound
I feel it's my way
of being sound

When I keep
my mouth zippered down
I find that my words
not going round
Causing pain on both
ends of stick
And my wounds I
don't have to lick

When upon the woods
I rail
All alone like ship on sail
I find life full of mystery
As truths are revealed to me
Give me time that's unadorned
Oak and acorn  
pine cone woods so thick
Until God blows
out my wick

I live to breathe
Nothing else
It may seem so simple
As if there is more but there is not
I don't enjoy holidays
I'm not quite sure why
Every time I think of Christmas time
I want to cry
I usually enjoy sleep
The nights would be my favorite
But my mind has recently
Scared me out of that
So I live to breathe
I live for my chest to expand and empty
The rhythmic working
Of my heart
Circulation of my blood
From my head to my feet

happiness feels toxic.

I would give up everything
My whole world, and myself
To spend just one night in your arms
I would give up everything
For one night, ******* with you
I would give up everything
But what that feeling does, it harms

A dark cold night
Whete the moon don't shine
A perfevid dream crept into my mind
And made my belief confined .

"A long lost World
Where humanity is seized
And blood got hurled .
No rain ever fall down .
Only pain hits the ground
But we never made any sound .

Our lives were ripped off
And breath Were seized.      
Only thing which we can't found
Is LOVE AND PEACE

each time i gaze into the windows of your soul,
i see the empty void you are,
and while you never wanted me,
i became enthralled, and
stayed
because i wished to be the one thing your soul consumed

Cleanse, this gift I collect
Taken shameless
Hidden from the rain
Let these candles burn around it
Surrounding fires sactify the area
But never are shadows cast from the flames
Touch not the cell that holds it now
The grey dissolved illumination of this cloudy sky pries the light apart like moonlight in the day.
Tonight when her eye has opened wide to view the site I provide her
My goddess stretches across the altar
A blessing does not falter.

The darkness flowed through the cracks in the floor, enclosing one tile at the time. Filling the room with a shadowy grip. Long, grim, fleshless fingers climbed up, into my throat. Clutching my air, leaving dark osseous char marks.

If death was a friend...
I'd tell it to stop making me cry.
I'd tell it to stop making the faucet
inside me run and run like a waterfall.

If death were a friend to me,
I'd tell it to stop taking away those that I love.
I'd tell it to find someone else to bother.

If death were a friend,
I'd tell it to stop pulling my heartstrings
making my heart twinge and twist
as if a knife were stabbing me.
I'd tell it to stop bullying me,
I'd beg for it to leave me alone.

But it persists,
looming over me each night
like the nightmares that cling to me like a blanket.
a blanket of despair, of sleepless nights
of sadness that can't be quelled.

The impatience runs and death waits patiently,
waiting as it whispers to me
the chilling words that wake me up:

"I'm not done yet."

My mind sits as a
Soft infant
Trapped in a
a gangling crib
Of despair with
No way out

I feel I am
Helpless, small,
And worst of all
A loud
nuisance

all i know
is that there is no one watching over us

crawling into a crevice
to call home
a cave in the side of a hill
carved out long ago
eons before i was conceived

bedding underneath the rocky ceiling
that fire gives way with a tango
of flames bouncing here and fro
dancing all over

It’s like an awakening has been in place,
taking,
ten years in the making
to form from the rearranging of time I’ve been wasting, that I’ve sat splitting and spacing

my steps I’ve been tracing at an endlessness of pacing but I’ve caught what I’ve been chasing

i love you,
and to prove it,
i need to end myself?
it's not  that I'm scared,
but i would die,
not knowing,
if you smiled,
when you knew,
i loved you more than myself

DESTINY

Your fears and anxieties are part of your destiny. They'll help you not
to
make
mistakes.
#c9_fm

I’m sorry that I’m not enough, for you
But I promise I’m trying to
I know my best isn’t enough
But doing all of this is tough

You speak so calmly but I can feel the screams
My tears come flowing out in streams
You think I don’t try but it’s all I ever do
You think I’m rude but I’m trying to be nice to you
I don’t know what you want from me
I’m giving everything I have

Sometimes I feel like no matter what
I’ll just never be enough

im tired.
im tired of watching cuts slowly heal over and bruise.
im tried of begging for help.. silently.
im so tired.
i cant even hold my head up anymore.
but you know, im flexible.
you can pull me and i wont break.
not yet anyway

deep inside these aching bones
shattered where I feel them most
muffled, troubled, heavy groans
roughed up tears and tears exposed

The Moon must have kissed her
—before I
and the moon must have missed her
—more than I
fore her love only came to me, in waves,
and I'd beg

for mercy


my love
my love come back to me
but she was meant for the sea
and I—
could not follow.
So in her divine love,
the love of life and light to follow
she carved out paths for me
and brackish water set us free

Entice me with your coquetry
so precise that it’s like poetry
I meet it with my suavity
in a game with reciprocity
I appreciate the honesty

Let me be your match
Light me up
And I will be your light
Thru the darkest nights
As I burn in flames
And wish my blaze will last longer
This fire will be your comfort
And I care not to become ashes
For I have given you my all
But grant me one favor
Always remember my flame.

I wonder will I shed a tear for the world when it ends,
Will I shed a tear for myself
Or will my chest be filled with laughter?
I know it must come to an end in my time
And that its' end may well be mine
But I find that thought welcome and comforting,
The world does not deserve to outlive me.

His face
The sight brings a smile to yours
His eyes
You can stare into them forever
His lips
You wish you can kiss them
His hands
You wish you can intertwine them with yours
His mind
It intrigues you
His soul
You can love it for eternity
His heart
It doesn't belong to you

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

you never asked to read my poetry
maybe that was the sign.
i told you i wrote for fun,
you shrugged and moved on.

My doctor diagnosed me
with restless legs
and I say:
That is my body trying to outrun itself,
my legs try to flee
when it believes my mind is already asleep,
it is searching for a way out
but only finds discomfort
and never-ending sleepless nights
in its fight to be free

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Let my silence teach you

what my words

did not

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I say:
Do you want me to pretend you do not exist?

She says:
Do as you wish.

I perceive:
All I was once you moved onto the next,
A waste of breath.

What a mutual perception process,

You keep on running and now I have nothing but my beliefs.

And what do you have?
Your cup is empty

It would be full but...
You poke holes in all the words I speak