And then you came
After I have counted
All the stars...

There is a pain of love
So bitter sweet
And
There is strange sweeteness in bitterness
And sweet is barely bitter
This amalgamation is a strange pleasure to heart!

I stand alone against an army , I stand in line my turn to die , I muster all my faith and my courage without having to ask why . There are many in the valley , in there they wait to decide , they dont know that they're warriors , with God's power they do not hide . In the clouds God's mighty army , that are with the one afraid , I can count at least one legion , many ran but one man stayed . It's never to late to be forgiven for the prince of peace is here , just say a simple prayer to Jesus he is always standing near . Lord forgive me my heart is heavy , all weighed down with sin and grief , I lay my all at your feet Lord , all my sins for perfect peace .

Scientific American
September 2019

watch me scatter the solemn ashes of my youth on these trails
A mind so mindless; so enriched with allure pink skies and withering dreams.
One so naive so bluntly ignorant to the cruelty that buries itself under the trails of a rooted fate.
watch me wander watch me waste time

right time
right place
right person
right moment
right feeling
right moves
right touch
right hug
right kiss
is this right
am i right
to feel this way
coz you said hey
you made my day
everyday


xo

It's taken loving you to feel the deepest of my scars.
It's taken loving you to know what I want.
It's taken loving you to know I no longer want anything at all.

eeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrryytttttttttttthhhhhhhhi­iiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg

dies
everyone lies
we all wear a disguise
no human can possibly fly

immortality
is a fiction
our fixation with youth
is an addiction

the truth descends from our perception
what are we left with?
inception?
another form of self-deception?

i don't know what
this or anything means
are we individuals?
or are we collective operating teams?

His face
The sight brings a smile to yours
His eyes
You can stare into them forever
His lips
You wish you can kiss them
His hands
You wish you can intertwine them with yours
His mind
It intrigues you
His soul
You can love it for eternity
His heart
It doesn't belong to you

Since, you've been gone
I can do what I want
There's so much this heart longs

Its been ten hours, since I last called
I don't know if you're still alive
In my head

Nothing dies, it's no surprise
After all the drinks and friends
You're still in my head

Undress my heart
Let her feel the cold chill
Of November midnight winds
The howl of the coyote
Is music to her rhythm

You built a cemetery for me in your head
Just in case you found a way
To bring back the dead

This is my heartache
To bear witness, to listen
As one of my adult sons
Cries from a heartbreak
Only to me will they cry
As I make soothing noises

I say:
Do you want me to pretend you do not exist?

She says:
Do as you wish.

I perceive:
All I was once you moved onto the next,
A waste of breath.

What a mutual perception process,

You keep on running and now I have nothing but my beliefs.

And what do you have?
Your cup is empty

It would be full but...
You poke holes in all the words I speak

Let my silence teach you

what my words

did not

you never asked to read my poetry
maybe that was the sign.
i told you i wrote for fun,
you shrugged and moved on.

pony-tailed playmate
head tucked in her shirt
gazing steadily down
at her toes in the dirt

chaos tiptoes around her
naive oblivion
journeys in far away lands
just west of the meridian

watercolor fairy tales
bleeding outside the lines
unaware of the danger
unaware of the signs

let me sit with you, darling
in the dampened flower beds
and paint a new world
for us in our heads

there was a little turtle and he loved the sea
and a surfing champ he just long to be
riding on the waves on his little board
be a surfing champ that was his reward.

he bought himself a board and a surfing suit
now he was a surfer and he looked so cute
went down to the beach to the local race
standing at the start turtle took his place.

he took the biggest wave the biggest he could find
jumped on to his board and left them all behind
turtle was the winner his dream it had come true
now he was the champ just like he wanted to

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

He is only two but commands smiles and awes
Every word he utters is a diamond because it is pure and clear
His actions are vivid and innocent but wiser than some adults
In fact ,he simply makes more sense than they do
His fascinatiom and joy is captivating
Just one look and he captures your heart and casts a spell
This magical rebel
My Sunshine
He has my heart and gratitude

C@rainbowchaser2020

Life
                                                            ­    has
            a
                       funny
     way
                                           of
                                  
                                ruining

      
                                                      Lives.

it is gray outside
of my window,

and it is also
gray in this room.



but outside,
the gray is obvious.

the clouds are
blocking out the sun.



and inside,
the gray is irrelevant
because you shine
so bright that

I am only ever
looking at you.



the world outside
fades away in here.

it is beautiful and
sunny and vibrant.



here, the stress of
the world outside
can't touch me.

I see no sadness
or pain or fear.



I only see you.
I only ever see you.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

My heart is iron
It feels no emotion.
No amount of sadness or happiness can effect it.
Ever.

It wasn't always this way
It used to be fabric, flimsy and unstable
Always letting those annoying emotions hurt.
I was nothing more than a baby

But I changed after those words
My heart turned to ice, hard and cold but crackable
And I wouldn't settle for crackable
So then it changed to iron.

My heart is iron
And I am proud
But the iron is only a cover
For a beautiful diamond