when they say "no one is perfect"
what they mean is
I will make mistakes and expect you not to react
I will hurt
and break
and project
and abuse
and you will forgive me
every
time

They speak to the madman,
Suppression, subversion, detraction,
A vocabulary of ‘less than’.

They speak to the madman,
To the loveless and the wounded,
The self-doubting ego.

They speak to the madman,
A consort of shadows,
Recurrent with paradox.

Until, uncertain as to the integrity of my own thoughts,
Understudied by self-censure and distrust,
I pause to listen in silence...to the silence which listens back.

A bridge can Collapse any day.
A Mountain can Collide any day.
A Bridge can be amended.
A mountain you Can reclimb.
A Bridge you can hide under Any day.
A mountain You can hide in any day.
You can choose to hide or you can face it head-on.

Thinking of happy times
When cold days
Filled with laughter
Warmed the room
Of children
Where an ah ha moment
Came out of the
Mouth of kiddos
Jumping  with excitement
In their desks
Rays of sunlight
Beaming down on
Learning children
Hugs in solitaire
Or hugs in groups
Meltdowns and mishaps
Celebrations for success
A rainbow filled
The room with love
And left a *** of
Golden Treasure

Witches at your door —
With Frankenstein and Batman?
Candied gifts galore!

I don't know
if the blankets are enough
spindled about my head as they do,
suffocating the desire right,
left,
out the skylight
and into the blood
that sleeps above me.

i promise it will be better
i promise to understand
i promise to fill in the gaps
there shall be no more mishaps

i promise i promise i promise,
things will change can't you see
its meant to be
i promise today i promise

i promised you yesterday
I promised you a better tomorrow
but heres the thing you see;
tomorrow never comes
and i never did lie.

My life is a dark night
I'm looking for a light,
I know, I have to fight
for truth and right!

Oh, no one is with me
I am the waterless sea,
I've dreamed of a bee
But I couldn't be!

My sunshine has gone
I'm glad, you've done
so much for me alone
Someday we'll be one!

The sun makes a day
with the morning ray,
My waving life's bay
is drying day by day!

You ask for my thoughts on what I see,
my opinion, mademoiselle, is you put a spell on me

You realize
how important words are
when you can’t find them

I'm ok
Ok I'm not fine
Fine, I don't know the reason why
Why I feel so empty inside
Inside where my black heart lies
Lies I tell you to avoid explaining
Explaining the darkness I feel
Feel like I want this day to be my last
Last thing I wanted was to hurt you
You didn't want the real answer to your question
Question why you even asked
Asked me how I am today
Today I don't have the energy to hide
Hide the fact I am Struggling
Struggling to survive the days
days that get harder with each one
one more and I may not be able to carry on.

when you sleep it's like you never cried,

breathing soft and steady, wet cheeks dried.



when you sleep it's like you never lost,

boundaries weren't broken and lines weren't crossed.



when you sleep it's like you're still there,

and you still smile and you still care.



when you sleep you look young as I,

no crease in your brow and no old worn sigh.



and so if sleep is death just being shy,

is it still so wrong,

to wish

to die?

i am art and i am called impulse
there is audible scolding
but i'm simply knocking things off my bucket list
she asks why i'm almost done when i have 60 years ahead
she thinks i will outlive her when in fact i am ending soon
what she doesn't know won't hurt her
inhale this melancholy, what do i have to live for
my life is a record and the absence is haunting
the things i do, the things i chase after only to get a high
i am not happy
i am not ok
if there is no future why do i have to stay
she's fixated on the temporary but i will be permanent

On the edge of insanity
Tumbling, falling
That was my last hurrah
Screaming, bawling

When I was a child,
I was taught poetry wasn't mild,
It was deep as the sea,
And it seemed truly unachievable for me.
I was taught poetry had to rhyme,
Every single line, every single time.
So poetry seemed out of my reach,
Like chasing a seagull down a beach,
Jumping ever so slightly away,
Or soaring into the sunny day.

So I never thrived for what I thought would,
No, Could
Never be.

I guess now I'm fixing the mistakes of past me.

No community owes you
People don’t have your back. No community owes you that.
Only those that love you have your back. No people owe you that.
It’s all about you and the community that you live in that gives back. They still don’t owe you that and that’s a fact.

" I cant remember what we drank or his name "
" I cant remember when he left how he came "
" Don't know if this feeling will last "
" but one thing im sure is "
" I cant forget, I cant forget, I cant forget him "

" And I still got his face stuck in my brain "

Now there were two of them
Separated between thousands
of read texts and timely
chats touched by sound
but not skin  
Awake in the others sleeping
Sleeping in the others awake  
Restless as they wait
Restless as they wait

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

even
the sun
shut both her eyes
when
she
witness
the
unkind deeds of mankind
but
still
we
wear
these clothes of death

The first tears fell
When I entered the bright cold room
Doctors handed me to my mother

Tears fell again
When I entered the bright cold room
To say goodbye to her
The one I knew, loved, and cherished

Tears fell once more
When we put her in the ground
The dirt smelled of rain
And our eyes full of pain

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.