I hope when my time has come
And I'm long gone
Someone looks at my words
The words that came from my soul
All the feelings of love, pain, happiness, emptiness, growth
And they know they would have loved me

don't make a sound
they're creeping 'round the corner
watching and waiting
for our weakness exposed

go for the throat, soon as they see it
what makes you think you're so invincible?

I can't wait for it all to be
over
and
done

Longing for the
day
when i
reach
the finish line
and embrace
the sun

There's something different about him
The way he moves
The way he carries
I can see the curiosity in his eyes
I can tell he wants to say something
But the words aren't coming out
Maybe he's shy
Or maybe he's just tired
Tired of the dead ends
A true mystery.....
And I'm interested

What's wrong with you?
Maybe there's interest
But you won't know unless you say something to her
She's beautiful
And you can't afford wasted moments
The road blocks in the past
Have blurred your vision
Like staring at the sun
But at the same time
You're still able to see her

Once upon a time

I thought you were everything

I needed but now I realize

You were the thing dragging me down

So I pulled the ripcord

And watched you drift away.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

My mental health makes me and breaks me.
I’m unique and different and quirky and so very dead inside.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

The best wish
is not having
to wish
then belonging
truly to yourself
needing
nothing else.

At the right time
You came
(We were) Careless, carefree
In spontaneity

Best of times
We lived in those moments
Making dreams come true
Far fetched if not for you

In the worst
You stayed and held me
Tried more, tried better
You believed relentlessly

A year (or two) later
Still giddy, still crazy
(I’m) Madly, deeply
More in love with you

I reminisce on those opulent times
for now they are memories

I look back to see the shadow
of what was once there

now gone forever

I sold her a bag of dreams
It had a hole at the bottom
She gave me winter and spring
Summer and most of her Autumn
I left her not looking back
Standing there
Clutching tightly
An earful of sorry stories
And an empty tequila bottle
Why you ask
Im sure
Surely because I could
And because that's what I do

Cut off my face
I think you'll like that
You won't see her in my face


I'm everything you hate

Cut off my feelings
You like that
You don't want me to scream
You don't like the emotion

I'm everything you don't want from me

I'm the failure
In the back of your head

I'm what you hide

Cut off my lungs
You want that
You want me to disappear

You like me
You like me dead
You like me heartless
living robot
You like that

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

Unless its chronic,
Inflammation does not last.
Be humble.

When I look at you,
I don’t see darkness
I don’t see rain
I don’t see pain

When I speak to you,
I don’t feel sadness
I don’t feel neglect
You always show respect

When I think of you,
It gives me strength
Because you’re so bright
My brightest light

When I dream of you,
I find myself in your arms
Right where I belong
Right where I feel strong

When I fell in love with you,
I knew it was true
Because you drowned my sorrows
And now I can see tomorrow

my soul,
so quick to scurry
as you pass me by,
still yearns for you late at night

I didn't believe your grandest
smile
could pull me back in
but here I am... right back to your side,
held so tight

oh my soul, where did you lose your fight?

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

el sol del universo infinito
lejos pero aún tan caliente
radiantes en mi corazón
destellos en mi mente
eres tu
tan libre, tan ingenuo
decepcionado por solo un segundo
con una energía fuerte
la necesidad del mundo
mi cariño
siempre-sonrisa sin pensar
lo que es difícil de alcanzar
de abajo
estoy viéndote
amarillo reflejando
todo parece más grande
pero nunca déjalo ser más gigante
que mi amor por el sol

baby gummies play
running hiding from mother
sweet cubs find trouble

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

They say "love is a verb".
I don't think it is.

It's more a cloud of locusts,
Flying terribly at your door.

The air is statue still,
dust particles hang immobile,
levitate in arrested motion,
causing gravity to frown.

A single ray of silver light,
a gift from the Lady above,
as she turns her face full
and bathes the night gently.

Seeking through dark places,
the magick beam catches tears,
in a cradle of light comfort,
touching a lullaby in a whisper.

Alighting softly in a calm arrival,
upon eyelids of eternal sorrow,
and heals the ragged scars of pain
with the mystery of the stars.

© Pagan Paul (05/05/18)

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I’m sorry I disappointed you.
I never meant for you to find out
Or atleast get it confirmed enough to confront me about it.
I know she means a lot to you.
And I’m sorry that my opinions don’t line up with yours.
I wish she didn’t bother me but she does