i wish i can run
i wish i could fly
i wish that i can find peace inside my soul

Sometimes I go too  deep in my writing for others to understand
It's too much for them to take in
I'm not looking for praise
Or for money
But for expression of myself and others
So, they can relate and understand
That some of us go through things that only a dark fantasy can describe
And I'm sorry if its too much

I have got through life like a wounded animal.

Head down, avoiding further conflict.

When I look back on it all, I see no trace of me, no flattened grasss, no displacement.

Even the air remains undisturbed.

I want to come back as a crazy African rhino with a arrow lodged in his ear.

Her skin is pale moonshine, as if the rain hath washed away her color and settled it in her hair, for it is golden like the sun after the storm that rages in her eyes, so blue and passionate like the hand that writes upon her silky arm that bleeds when she is alone.

Spring upon the rose
live on the flow.
Be wrapped in the fragrance
touch it not.
Let it be without a form
even in the invisible dark
shows up the moon.
And believe it or not
that all perfect sweet spot
planet paradise could be the next stop.
Like the flower thins out into the fragrance
ah, these finest wings know no bound.

The butterfly paradise slips out is on the fly
wafts into the enduring scent of a paint so bold.
Lo, on its picturesque wings it has all the eyeballs
where does it reach out to no one knows.
It's on the other side of the pool
only the Queen Fathima knows that groovy grove!

No one tolerates any pause is deadly on this route
here death is unknown but none is destined to gain a foot!
It’s a Mount Sinai scenario no eyeball
can withstand the dazzling beauty enduring long.
Yet it’s immaculately spotless every soul shines out
that shuffles on these secret alleyways of God!

Pans out to the horizontal spread
and dips into the depth.
Flower in the fire, the sea in a drop of water
Hewn beauty Fathima is the far cry
water nymph amidst the mesmerised burnt-flock.
The resident handsome swan in heaven
on the constantly flowing riverfront  
keeping it on its toe!

You have this way
Of staring at me
That pulls on my heart strings

You have this way
Of drowning out
Life and all it's things

You have this way
Of stopping time
When I catch your eye

You have this way
Of making me melt
When you hug me goodbye

You have this way
Of singing to me
Without using any words

You have this way
Of making me miss you
So much it hurts

I suffer
The circular trepidation
Of waiting
For joy

I can’t hide it
I crave it
Needing it to survive
The pressure of your body
That look in your eyes
Pulling me closer
Oh closer
Sometimes by my hair
Pinning me to that mattress
Or whatever you dare
For I feel it
I love it
That taste on my lips
Unable to move
With your hands on my hips
Oh you know me
Control me
Fingers dancing on my thighs
All those nights that you’d hold me
Brought stars to my eyes
By that grip of your hand
Firmly ‘round my neck
Oh you’d punish me tenderly
I could never forget
Yes you’d pull me
You’d push me
Goosebumps emerge on my skin
Feeling the beads of your sweat
Drip onto my chin
Kiss me
Tease me
Master you know just what to do
To leave me on my knees
Begging for every inch of you


                     Alysia Marie 2018 ©

Helping me
Helping you
I write to feel less blue
I write so that you can stay brand new
Letters for you
Lessons so you can’t feel like me
Lessons so you can stay like you
These lessons are put here so you don’t follow me through
These lessons hopefully make you become stronger than the current you
Maybe I can make peace with myself this way
Maybe I can feel less haunted knowing you’re okay
I teach so that the people reading these can feel better and have positive days.

magic 8-ball
round and dusty
what will you tell me today?




oh? i guess not then.

One day
I'll meet you in the aisle
You'll wearing your bridal gown
And all i can say is
I am Happy for you

A lesson hard learned
Is not too soon forgotten
Do you think of me?

There is a beast in social media
that keeps asking for more
More, more, more, it yells
Drawing blood out of me
Writing my brain out
To the last pint of blood in my vein
But still, the beast won't back off
This creative juice of mine needs to replenish
So, no blood for you today!

To love
Infinitely
The one
My heart
Calls out to.

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

It may be a truism but optimists cant escape it....
No one is right all of the time.
The only difference there has ever been is the frequency between  being wrong and right.

When an optimist falls in the woods only the pessimists will notice.

My mother was made of concrete
                    No wonder I just couldn't breathe

My mother was a narcissist
                    No wonder I could not exist

My mother was just always mad
                    No wonder I preferred my dad

My mother was just so shallow
                    No wonder I was a shadow

My mother was just plain evil
                    I wonder what was so painful...

I wanna scream this pain
Throw it to the room through my vein
Like thunder in pouring rain

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I miss you
when you’re gone
and yearn for you
when you’re right next to me

You're like an incarnation of everything I have ever loved.

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

I was falling
for you

the feeling of
being weightless

the sky and
the ocean are
blue

like your eyes

your eyes and
Einstein’s brain

are the depths
I can never reach

but I will drown trying
to reach either or both

it’s a beautiful thing
this day and age
with bubbling permafrost
with drug-resistance
with obesity treatments
with technological advancements
with scientific discoveries
with silent wars
with blue lava
with bleeding glaciers
with divorce
with sensitivity
with my generation
of people believing
this new generation
is completely and
utterly clueless as a
common occurrence

but let’s think about
what these kids are
into nowadays.

let’s think about who
invented these inane
things for the kids.

my generation of people.

so the kids of today are
the ones who are ******
for liking the things
that we’ve created?

I’m sorry but we have to
be the ones who are obtuse
for believing such things,
oblivious for not
realizing them and
showing the world
we have
little or no imagination
anymore.

the generation before us
has lied to us and
thought us to lie
to the generation
after.

whether it’s the gods
or holidays
or what not.

the youth of the today
are autonomous.
they can not take
responsibility for
their actions nor do
they understand and
just go along
with the trends,
much like,
all the generations
before them
but we need a scapegoat
to cover up our own
farce implementations.

the truth of the matter is..
we’re all a little vacuous
in our own way
especially the ones with
an answer for everything.
living in an imperfect world
where there’s always room
for improvement
nothing for us
or against us
wrapped up in our
congratulatory
self-contradictory
and illogical theories
and as useless as
exploding appendix.

the lost generation
the interbellum generation
the silent generation
the baby boomers
generation x
the millennials

a strong admixture
of imbecility and
self-assurance
filled with belief
and unawareness
to a senseless world

like hate
like blame
like gossip
like jealousy
like being offended
like being impressive
like the punk rock dream
like hospital waiting rooms
like fundraisers and charity events
like your co-worker to the right and
the left of you
and their families
and their families before
them

our greatest creation
our strongest aide

to deconstruct

Smooth midnight black
Desecration blues
Wandering down a desolated road
With my frenzied mind
Raptured, yet empty
Longing for the end of the night
Yet fearing the dawn
And the eternity of an existence
I may never know

u see the knife
you watch the glow
u see me smile
but can't hear me cry
u think i'm happy
but inside i'm breaking
u see the blood
then u realize
that i wasn't
lying
when i said
i'm depressed!
u wish u gave me the
support i needed
but now it's too late.
I'm dying inside...