Love
Simple, yet beautiful
The flow and dart of
Upstream fishes
Fighting the current
I see it around me
In texts and hearts and
Casual conversation
But it is not casual
And I do not have it
Empathy is slipping out of reach
Similar
But all too different.
You like heat
Standing in the sun your head up
Children's things
Music
Don't touch my hand
Shy away because It's Me
And I am not enough
I'd like to think I hate everyone
But I think
I just don't know how to interact with people

Stillness in the lake;
The hills are dumb till their death;
Silently I walk

I have an “out of order” sign
Hanging high above my head
To remind all
That some things are better left unsaid

I want to feel worthwhile
I want a peaceful mind
that turns away from suicide.

I want life to be
my greatest accomplishment,
not death.

the day a poet  
falls in love with you
is the day
you know you will live
forever
not in life
but in the love
that your poet
could never seem to
grant
themselves
but will
give you
all of

I read a quote somewhere that said,
"I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone else."

And I felt those words shoot through every nerve in my body. I felt them so deeply.

And I wonder how many of us feel the same way.

How many nights we fought off the suicidal thoughts, the urge to cut, the urge to purge, the urge to run or to hide out, alone, too afraid to worry or bother our friends and family.

How many days and nights have we all suffered in our own darkness alone?

People like us fight a battle no one can ever fathom because it's a battle no one can see. And we don't let them.

I've fought myself and survived myself alone so many nights.

There were nights I use to lose my own battle. But some how still came out alive.

I guess that's how we keep going. Because every time we give up we come out stronger.

You fight yourself and beat yourself up for so long that eventually you become a master of surviving a war.

We're warriors.

"I don't know how many times I've survived myself, without telling anyone else."

Tonight, I'm telling all of you.

I survived myself.

And if you're still here and you're reading this, you survived yourself too.

It's not easy but you did it.

And I'm so proud of you all.

all I ask of you,
don't buy me flowers.
take me to a garden.
for I get sad when they die.
when they are ripped
from their roots
in the ground.
their time for
growing is up.
they can no longer
have conversations
with the sun
or the grass
or the rain
as it kisses them
so softly.

Inhale I breathe.
Exhale I release the negativity.

I can’t keep this inside of me anymore.
It must go.
Flow like the wind blows the leaves off a tree.

Away from me this pain must go.
It will not be the end of me.

I am strong and resilient.
I will unveil my beauty for the world to see.

orange bodies in the
yellow light in the afternoon
green thumbs in the garden
blue lips at night standing at the crosswalk

If things would get bad
“Push it to the pack of your head”
But I will never forget
Bad memories, Bad karma, Bad friends
But I will never regret
Bad things, bad dreams
It's bad in my head
Repeat something over and over
And we forget what it means
This time around
when they said you were bad for me
A bell did not ring
He hit me once
Twice
Ding ding ding
He is bad
But it means nothing to me
M.D

I remember the evening
that we sat clinging
to paper cups
of coffee gone cold

over secrets spilled and memories told
two bodies cursed
with hearts grown old

behind your eyes
I found new worlds
A winding road stretched out for miles
to a small cafe at the end of the isle

Sweet pastries filled the mouths
of those who sat beside us
and stayed for a while.

How the hours went by,
people just passing through
The descending sun ending
a forever with you.

Let the chance that you get
Bring out the best in you
Apply yourself accordingly
And guide your way through
Every road has a path
Some present different levels of difficulty
Have your head on straight
Continue to rise up and reach for your victory

I only write in red
I wield a pen full of blood
the pain giving meaning
to the careless actions of my wrist

Just a cut
just a scratch
what’s that mark
it was just the cat
just an excuse
just another lie
what’s with the bracelets
just fashion why?
just a tear
just a scream
why were you crying
just a bad dream
But it’s not just a cut
or a tear
or a scream
it’s just one more
until it’s not
until you die

We bloom every spring
But the winter is still hard

Despite my pen got lazy
But my heart support it to write

Shadows, shadows,
Be my comfort.
Wrap me in
This lonely sleep.
In the coolness of your silence,
In the ocean of your deep.

Shadows, shadows,
I stay weeping,
For that place I cannot go.
And in the night,
I'm gently keeping,
Hold of what, I cannot know.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

dear you,

i’m in love.
yes. you were
waiting, i
bet, for this.
this time, though,
it is not
what you would
think. it’s me
this time, not
you, although
it’s still you,
but not in
the way it
used to be
you. it’s my
fault this time,
my doing,
my painful,
pitiful,
suffering.
it’s you in
the sense that
i cannot
control you.

this time,

it’s your mind and your thoughts
the things that slip off of your tongue
the words you put, pencil to paper
the ideas that come out in your songs

it’s your eyes and your sight
the careful observation of beauty
the need to bask in warm, pure light
the stare you give me, rarely now

it’s your movements and your touch
the hugs where you grip my shoulders
the times where i’m drunk and playing with your fingers
the warmth you give off and your gorgeous smile

none of them
are mine to
have, to take
to keep, to
love, to break

i miss you
and to go
and detach
to break what
we have, that’s
the hard way
out. but i
am trying
to help me.

i feel the
same way i
did when you
said i was
wrong about
this. about
how i feel.

i try to
not panic
and quiet
sob in the
bathroom at
3:27 am
every night.

i’m hoping
disposing
myself of
you, means that
the dreams will
go away
too. but if
they stay,
i’ll give you
a quick call.
probably
a text, to
be honest.

i love you,
unhealthily,
with every
part of me.

keep in touch,
please.

love,

me.

In a long tussle with destiny
I believed in prayers
I was asked to keep patience
For an inconsolable period
Till Chinar Leaves would burn
Till warm rivulets would freeze
After season long battle
Divine promise was declined
That very moment
I was married to Grief

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of ****
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't

Cold and damp, swamped by dismay
She left me, on this fragile Saturday.
Here I sit, on a porch for a day.
I never thought I’d travel off.
When you realize, there’s nothing left to say...
You arm yourself, emotionally, in another way.
Not to dare say nostalgic, that’d be careless to relay.
I’d rather scoff at the notion, of caring at all.
So, I’ll just sit and stare, as my friends come and go.
I’ll wait, patiently... my mind blue with frost.
No thanks, I’ll wait... no matter the cost.

you are the corner of my eye
the pizza of my pie
the apple of my
                            cornea

I wish I didn't worry about you so much
You look so happy and I'm angry
I wish I wasn't angry
But I want to be the one that makes you happy
I just wish I could ignore you

Art keeps us silent
keeps us new:

a rich wall
in every possible room
that exists
for your pleasure/
someone's pain

The artist can pity

they know
why you're not
them