To be honest, is to be kind
But my kindness can be mistaken by love

What are you supposed to do
When it’s 4 am and you can’t sleep
This isn’t home, nothing feels safe
Because his arms aren’t around you.

Why do we Idolize forgiveness?
The abuser can lie
The abuser can cheat
The abuser can beat
But you have to forgive.

An abuser says things'll get better
Before they cast you aside.

An abuser states "You're my all"
Before hitting you again.

But you have to forgive
Or you're in the wrong.

How is it possible
That I’m so full
Of sadness
And yet
I feel
Empty

I sit here
     Staring at your
           Picture on the
                                Shelf
                  Still in total
      Disbelief that
Your gone...

do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

And I looked myself in the eyes
And found I had run off again
      -Tell me if you see her

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

Ive been trying to quietn the mind
To be a little more mindful
So I can find the time
To be a little less mindless
The more you live in the moment
The moments become timeless
The more you move the more you see
Most people are lifeless
There are people everywhere
Brainwashed beyond compare
You can see it in their eyes
Within their vacant stare

There's a lot of people
Who are lost in their minds
They don't even know
If they're dead or alive
Goin about their business
In a haze of dizziness
Living for tomorrow
Thinking bout yesterday
Listening to the chatter
The story of their lives
There's a lot of people
Who're preoccupied

she moves to me
whether in a picture or sat against the sea
as a cloud she floats gently above me
the currents and the streams
her neck where sections sit
the way her necklace rests ever so delicately
her soft brown skin
through all this land
she moves to me

she is
gold
sunshine on a crystal morning
and pearls
silk
nothing
everything

she moves to me
whether its a mirror or stood against the sky
as the music the cosmos makes in our silence
the stars and the planets
her neck where moons beam
the way her necklace follows her collorbone
through all this space
she moves to me
whether its gravity or we as entangled particles
and we are in every moment as we are together
our quantum dancing
her neck where time begins
the way her necklace falls so gracefully into place
through all this time
she moves to me

I kiss her just below her right ear
and I know now is everywhere
and everytime is now
the sun and the moon
the spiral galaxy
the walls that hold in time
I kiss her just below her right ear

she moves to me
whether its the wind or impossible odds
as the dreams we hold dear and our hope that keeps us strong
our faith and love
her neck which i caress gently
the way her necklace seems to retire when she does
I kiss her on the eyelids
she moves to me

I wanted the pain that comes with love
But not the one that comes after it

Then

You watched me smoke my first cigarette.
You gave me my first kiss.
You held my hand.
You were the first to call me beautiful.
You were the first to touch me.
My first love.

Now

I still have nightmares.
I don't know how to sleep.
I can still feel you.
I can't forget your hand on my mouth.
I am still scared.
My biggest fear.

I remember telling you
that it will take 21 days
of constant conversations
til you become a part of my routine
til you become a habit

We went beyond the 21 days.
You became a habit
you became a routine.
And it worked.
But only for me.
And not for you.

Now, I keep telling myself
it will only take me 21 days--
to stop longing for your kisses
to stop thinking about your face
to stop romanticizing the time we had
to stop missing you
to break the habit.

I have 19 days left
But ****,
this feels like it will take forever

Hmm I've only got a
few likes today hmm maybe
my writings not good

Why am I even
writing what's it's all about
What's the point , I only feel

anxious now , deep breaths
Now I feel silly why did
I write that , oh jeez

heart beating feel sick!!
Then my self doubt passes and
I'm back to lovely

place again! Self doubt
sure can grip me making me
feel really down! But you

see writing helps dig
through negativity , am
I a poet or not

Maybe , I'm not sure
But I'm much more too , I'm a
wife a mum a sister

a friend. I've wrote my
heart out for five years now non
stop to be honest

But now I'm in such
a lovely place of content
I'm living happy

Of course I still get
life stresses hit me and yeah
I get negative

But one thing I can
always rely on is my
passion for writing

It helps mentally
to keep me strong and focus
May it come from my

heart or mind or once
in awhile I like to write
stories , fun fun fun :)

I'm slowing down now
Gone and got myself married :)))
Tis so wonderful

Children are growing
up fast , there leading there own
life's more every day

So I'm finding new
hobbies to keep me active
Life changes happen

But to write , will be  
in me always , tis part of me
it's just there always

So to all who love to
write have fun dry those tears up
Find your happy place :))

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

If want was water,
I would be drowning, my head under completely
and my oxygen quickly depleting.
If confusion was cold,
My fingers would be numb and I wouldn't even
have a coat to ward off the freezing.
If youth was you,
It would be slipping away by the second,
And I can't get a hold to stop it.
Now,
my air is gone,
I'm shivering to the bone,
and can't keep a hold on.
But, this is only a poem:
I know I'm not suffocating, subzero, or slipping.
But I can't help but feel like the more I write,
the farther I get from reality
and the closer I get to metaphor mortality.

late at night, i lie awake
thinking of things i should have said
all the mistakes i've made
and signs i should've read

then think about what i can't live without
you, front and center in my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite

still, parts of you make me whole
who i am and who i need to be
i think of love letters that weren't torn up
feelings of blue and green

when i'm without you
blank page, artless innocence
i realize how dependent i've grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance

sometimes i look up at the purple sky
and wonder if you're looking too
i gaze at the colors and the beauty of it all
though its beauty would never compare to you

sleepless nights
after summer days
frequent sights
of the sun's early haze
and woe is me
for my strength is retired
every night is the same as the next will be
going to sleep shouldn't be hard when you're this tired


© L.F.

I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

I want to be a different person
No, not someone else
But an improved version of myself
And a huge part of that process
Is to get rid of all the layers of you
That remain rooted in me

So I'll skin myself to the bone
Besides how painful it may be
Until I can finally state to the wind
That you no longer pull my strings
As it gently messes my hair
And whisper that I'm free

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

my grip is slipping,
and falling scares me.
my world is fading away.
h      
          e
                     l
                             p
       m
                 e

h
          e
                    l
                          ­     p
          m
                     e

writing was an escape but even now words slip off the paper like tear drops.

I'm
Trying
My
Best.

Crying
In
My
Car
But
Doing
It
Well.

even as I lift it like a wounded bird off pavement,
out of its case and against my chest
as my heart cradles it close and my hand presses it away.
I don't let it in yet. I can't. Not yet. Maybe never.
The viola sits atop my knee and waits for me.

And they know - I know they know - how long it's been
From my own lips, lips that once would hum along
As younger fingers danced up and down that ebony stage...

It's nothing to me now, but it's a gift, so it's everything.

...they'd dance for hours, because I loved it.
I grew around it and it grew through me,
This need I could never share without seeming crazy
And maybe I was.
I loved the feel of it, the sound of it,
like a thunderstorm waiting just for me,
in the palm of my hand

like the one turning the viola atop my knee.
The strings face outward. When the time comes to play,
She will turn a graceful arc until the cool of her rib
rests against my shoulder like a lover's temple,
her eyes turned up to wait for me
to realize just how long it's been.

convincing you
to love me
also
convincing myself
that
I deserve it

Two lonely empty hands
for you.
They didn't touch
but love you.
Two lonely empty hands
for you.
They didn't promise
but want you.
Two lonely empty hands
for you.
They didn't beg
but hug you.

I know .
you didn't need me
to complete you.
I know.
You didn't want me
to fulfill you.
I know
You didn't
Ask to love you...

But...
I can stop...
For you.
Not me...
Because of love ..

For simple touch.
For lonely kiss.
For empty hand..
Don't ask..
Just beg ..
I will..
I want.
I am..
End.

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own

my opinion doesnt matter.

no matter what i do

i
dont
have
a
say
in
this.

thank you for making me feel

absolutely

useless

i anchor
myself
to the back
of your mind
you wish
me away
but here
i still linger