i am just
too tired
to go on

Her feet touch the earth,

growing like the grass.

Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

It was a battle
That turned into a war
The only line of defense
Was a single warrior
She took her tin foil shield
And hope for the best
With a tear drop in her eye
She would soon be laid down to rest

I was born in the northern lakes,
in a small winding wave
of unpleasant emotions.

To dream of me was a myth,
conceiving me an accident.

Yet they confide in me for comfort,
they drill me for being raw,
and take my goodness for grave abandon.

Their love is sensationalized,
asking for new leaves to shade him.

But growing up had never meant growth
and I keep on getting chopped up,
to light your dying embers.

I am a poet in the night
I am full of thoughts and
endless equations, whirling
waves and towering mountains.
I am a ship of iridescent nations.
I am transcendence.

There's two ways this could go

I could hit it
bullseye.
word for word;
the immortal poem.
and waste the rest of it
cooped up
in a small wood cabin with nothing but a few
bagels and weary eyes

Or I could meet a nice woman
Brown hair
Sunset eyes
Warm heart
and waste the rest of it
cooped up
in a small wood cabin with nothing but a few
bagels and weary eyes

I don't wanna lose you

remind me,
why did i start

What does it take,
To grow back
Your soul?

To feel a sound
Deep within
Your bones,
To hum a tune,
Arisen from
A place laid
To rest,
A place left
Forgotten,
Only to remember
What it’s like
To be
You completely,
To feel what
It’s like to
Be closer,
To whole.

dear my blues listen
you're not fine, it's not okay
you'll run out of breath

i dreamed about you again
we were cuddling
and i fell asleep with you in my arms
woke up next to you
and smiled
we lived together
we were happy
but then i woke up...
and you weren't there
but what was there was adorable messages from you
making me smile
i'm head over heels for you cutie pie

Deserting your own judgment
  —the highest form of treason

(Villanova Pennsylvania: March, 2019)

I don't feel special,
I'm not unique.
I want to cry
but I can't even speak.
My hands reach out,
but they cannot hold
a single thing
but the bitter cold.
Everything's frozen,
I feel lost.
Even my tears
have turned to frost.
When I cut my waist
it bleeds black.
I'm so deeply gone
there's no way back.
This is goodbye

please stop
the pain is ridiculous
you ruined me
by being so meticulous

you planned every move
every step you took
you had something to prove
and i could only move like a rook

you came at an angle
and i only move in lines
you saw your chance to entangle
me, and come for my spine

you play a good game
a very good match
you knew all my moves and aims
but i think i want a rematch

I opened up to you,
about my struggles, my destructive behaviors
and you said just don't do it.
If i could "just not do it",
I wouldn't have any secrets to be sharing with you.
I wouldn't be so depressed that I needed you.

i held you for a night
and now things are different

what changed?

I always felt there was something
Missing from my heart
A gap found within my being
My soul with a missing part

I wonder if it will become complete
Or if a part of me is destined to be lost
Did a thief come to steal it at night
And sell it at no cost

Used to being incomplete
And knowing no other way
I eventually stopped searching
And felt that I would be okay

But silently I heard
The lost piece sing
Crying out my name
In the depths of the wind

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

it’s a beautiful thing
this day and age
with bubbling permafrost
with drug-resistance
with obesity treatments
with technological advancements
with scientific discoveries
with silent wars
with blue lava
with bleeding glaciers
with divorce
with sensitivity
with my generation
of people believing
this new generation
is completely and
utterly clueless as a
common occurrence

but let’s think about
what these kids are
into nowadays.

let’s think about who
invented these inane
things for the kids.

my generation of people.

so the kids of today are
the ones who are ******
for liking the things
that we’ve created?

I’m sorry but we have to
be the ones who are obtuse
for believing such things,
oblivious for not
realizing them and
showing the world
we have
little or no imagination
anymore.

the generation before us
has lied to us and
thought us to lie
to the generation
after.

whether it’s the gods
or holidays
or what not.

the youth of the today
are autonomous.
they can not take
responsibility for
their actions nor do
they understand and
just go along
with the trends,
much like,
all the generations
before them
but we need a scapegoat
to cover up our own
farce implementations.

the truth of the matter is..
we’re all a little vacuous
in our own way
especially the ones with
an answer for everything.
living in an imperfect world
where there’s always room
for improvement
nothing for us
or against us
wrapped up in our
congratulatory
self-contradictory
and illogical theories
and as useless as
exploding appendix.

the lost generation
the interbellum generation
the silent generation
the baby boomers
generation x
the millennials

a strong admixture
of imbecility and
self-assurance
filled with belief
and unawareness
to a senseless world

like hate
like blame
like gossip
like jealousy
like being offended
like being impressive
like the punk rock dream
like hospital waiting rooms
like fundraisers and charity events
like your co-worker to the right and
the left of you
and their families
and their families before
them

our greatest creation
our strongest aide

to deconstruct

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

With time the distance grew.

Prepared myself for weeks.

Like ripping of a band-aid, it had to be done.

Every breath, every hit on that button felt like a stab to my heart.

I heard your laugh, saw your smile in my head for one last time.

I close my eyes and remember.

I need you to be gone.

Fully and completely.

Keeping you means losing me.

For the last time..

..Delete.

The truth is that I liked you from the start...
The truth is ,I can't imagine us apart..
The truth is ,it feels like someday I'll be left with a broken heart..
The truth is that I've always wanted to tell you...
The truth is that if I do,will u still see me the same?
The truth is ,I keep wondering if I leave ,will u still remember my name...
The only lie I told, is that I like you...
Cause The truth is that I'm deeply in love with you ...

My poetry is always written
In the heat of the moment

The big picture is often neglected
It is but
One moment in all my life

The perspective might be messed up
And the feelings exaggerated
But it's nice to have that moment captured