The first tears fell
When I entered the bright cold room
Doctors handed me to my mother

Tears fell again
When I entered the bright cold room
To say goodbye to her
The one I knew, loved, and cherished

Tears fell once more
When we put her in the ground
The dirt smelled of rain
And our eyes full of pain

i don't care
if you don't care
i don't mind
if you don't mind
i don't see
what's wrong
with what i might find...
if i don't find you.

where are you?
are you hiding?
are you playing with fire?
with the flower beds?
with all your friends?
are you playing dead
somewhere? should i
even say a prayer?

i don't care,
if you don't care.
where are you?


somewhere
out there.

for a few years
I had a mom

I wish it was
a few years

more

even blossoms the obsidian
freshly harvested the fire
bringing paper gods
to ashy dreams
underneath the yellow vine to sleep

as the smooth cool hand touches
dreams as rich as clotted cream
no body can be defended
far more beautiful in defeat

My confession follows
being a women  to myself
I am afraid of it's authenticity
when it concludes me

One of these days I've said I'd learn,
so I could make one up
just as good as can be imagined in

undisneyified-ifity, dereminded to make points,
de-terminated-- determind, resist

the game is not over, it is
not. It is
No game. Stop playing. This is surviving.
We did it.
This is ever after.
You can do anything you think you can make
useful
on some level.

when you sleep it's like you never cried,

breathing soft and steady, wet cheeks dried.



when you sleep it's like you never lost,

boundaries weren't broken and lines weren't crossed.



when you sleep it's like you're still there,

and you still smile and you still care.



when you sleep you look young as I,

no crease in your brow and no old worn sigh.



and so if sleep is death just being shy,

is it still so wrong,

to wish

to die?

When I was a child,
I was taught poetry wasn't mild,
It was deep as the sea,
And it seemed truly unachievable for me.
I was taught poetry had to rhyme,
Every single line, every single time.
So poetry seemed out of my reach,
Like chasing a seagull down a beach,
Jumping ever so slightly away,
Or soaring into the sunny day.

So I never thrived for what I thought would,
No, Could
Never be.

I guess now I'm fixing the mistakes of past me.

Now there were two of them
Separated between thousands
of read texts and timely
chats touched by sound
but not skin  
Awake in the others sleeping
Sleeping in the others awake  
Restless as they wait
Restless as they wait

Souls on edge
Are alone and waiting.

am i happy?
am i hurt?
i hardly know
all these feelings
are a blur
building up
in the corners of my eye
until i let it go
and cry cry cry

With Trick or Treat a-loomin'
and the harvest moon a-gloom'n
and the ghosts and goblins loose upon the streets

You can bet your bottom dollar
that you'll hear a screech and holler
when you open up your door to give ‘em treats.

But beware of werewolves howlin'
and the zombies who are prowlin'
In the shadows in the corners of your mind.

For the scary cogitation
in your own imagination
is the one that you have mentally designed.

So...remember you'r not seeing
any supernat'ral being...
they're just costumes and some make up on the kids.

But be sure and take no chances
e're they start their spooky dances
Give them candy or the ghouls might flip their lids!

Happy Halloween my neighbors
on this night of ghostly labors....
And good luck.  You can't escape it if you could.

They'll arrive in cars and wagons...
dressed as witches, bats and dragons.
And they won't all be from your own neighborhood.

BOO!

you ask me why im so quiet.
why i keep to myself.
why im alone in my room for hours.
why i dont want friends.
why i wait in the dark.

if i dont talk nither will they.
if its in me its not out there.
if im alone nothing bad will happen.
if i dont have friends no one can hurt me.
if its dark no one can blind me.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

not to be rude, but why cant you just change?

the moment i knew it was all over

Beware…
Inching slowly
Towards our heart
Tampering with our feelings
Emptying our life of joy
Raising havoc with our thoughts
Negating our precious freedom
Entering eternal darkness
Snaring notions
Scary…

Hello old friend,
It's been a while,
My dearest freind
I've missed you so.

I've missed the joy,
The emptiness and dark.

I've missed the agony,
The feeling of not knowing who I am.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

Couples taught me
That the sweetest you can taste
Comes from the woman you love

But I don't believe that
Because when I kiss her lips
It is not sweet at all

What I taste is the desire
To kiss her more
The taste of longing for her

And the taste of happiness
A sincere taste of love

Should you need me, I’ll be dreaming of you

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

some                   I
     say                     call
           it's                   It        
                poetry.          oxygen.


I write, therefore I am.