I lie in bed
Clearing my head
Thinking that it will fade
All the love that I held

Tonight it will end.

Eternity at the fingertips of the lost
Trying to keep all the liquid melting out of my heart inside
The gods have never seen a love like ours
Sunlit soft skin, blossoming warmth
Eyes dripping the moons pure shine

Is this what they call paradise?

Musty old volume
an intelligence encased
brittle paper snaps




- fr

I liked her red bikini
for what concealed
and what it revealed.

It matched her red hair,
curly and wild.

She had asked
two Moroccan men
to pose with her
and their camel
on the beach.

I didn't know
what their Qur'an said
about posing
with semi-clad women
for a few coins,
but they shyly smiled
as I took the photograph.

Why don't you put on
your swimming trunks?
she asked me.

I didn't bring any
with me,
I replied,
not thinking
about the sea.

You can always swim
in your birthday suit,
she suggested,
smiling.

I can't swim,
I said,
so no point.

She swam
and I sat on the sand
watching her,
smoking a cigarette.

Behind us
was the base camp,
and voices floated
down to us
from the bar.

I watched her
with a secret lust,
which I shouldn't have had,
but did, but kept
hidden like a wound,
bandaged by
my youthful deceit.

I looked away,
and down
at the dry sand
beneath my
all too human feet.

This is a place
A place called Hell
Everyone get whipped
At the sound of the bell
It does not matter
If you are black, white, or red
Because if you’re here
You’re already dead
No one cares what you wear
Way down here is all despair  
Down in hell we are all the same
If you can’t see this you’re to blame
Soon I will see you down in hell
And we'll all get whipped
At the sound of the bell

Look at the picture
smiles and wide eyes
you may hear the laughing
but I don't

See us in the car
singing and screaming
you can barely hear yourself thinking
but that's all I hear

Is this what it's like?
Is this how it's supposed to be?

You see me alone
Silent and waiting
but all I can hear is the singing and laughing

singing like idiots.

A DOCTORED LIST of diseases sub-clinical is what the artisans
of allopathy provide we, who are: doped up, underwhelmed, malnourished, vitamin-deficient, nutritionally-deprived, morally-depraved & Spiritually-vacant with the wherewithal to mask the symptoms of chronic metabolic ailments with immune-compromising, blood- intoxicating corrosives.

love is a drug;
once you have a taste
you can't get enough.
maybe that's why I am afraid,
afraid to take a sip,
a bite,
a whiff,
of love,
i might overdose.

I don’t even know if you’re dead or alive

plauge-ridden robbers
cut through the lonesome night and
its shallow starshine

You will be the Sun and the Stars
And I the moon
and we will drift through the abyss
of the nebulas
and through our galactic path
our love will shine so intense
it illuminated the darkness of space
and gave life to all the Celestials

Struggling more and more
sinking deeper and deeper
the quicksand called man

             Kelly McManus

Like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a worm on a hook,
like a knight from some old fashioned book
I have saved all my ribbons for thee.
If I, if I have been unkind,
I hope that you can just let it go by.
If I, if I have been untrue
I hope you know it was never to you.
Like a baby, stillborn,
like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
But I swear by this song
and by all that I have done wrong
I will make it all up to thee.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
he said to me, "You must not ask for so much."
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
she cried to me, "Hey, why not ask for more?"
Oh like a bird on the wire,
like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.

I used to wonder
Spend my time daydreaming
Wishing she would
Reciprocate my feelings
But now I know
Now I have no doubt
I know exactly
How she feels about me now

I've disappeared into myself
And reality seems
.
.
.
.
.
.
distant

it was 4am when
i noticed his text.
“are you up?” he asked.
rubbing my eyes, i answered,
“yeah. need to talk?”
because anyone who is awake
at 4am is either heartbroken
or in love.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

your lips on mine

but i feel

nothing

i know i should

i want to

i need to

i try to

but i don’t

to undo the part of myself

curled as thin twine on her finger-
that pallid tissue paper skin
wrapping a network of crimson lighting.

veins turn violet
underneath layers of that kind...
my words cannot excavate every color.

yes your eyes were
a freshly struck match;
brief sight before returning
to cold outlines of breath in the dark.

i’m returned to their glow
every time i wish
i could isolate a melody
that feathers my cheek.

(scribble the chords on a napkin

for when you get messy)

you know i’m deaf,
but my eardrums still quake
at the sound of falling pins
and dancing angels.

my heart feels so badly used
it turns out I wrongly chose my muse.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

She's smiling
Someone made her eyes glow
I've tried, I guess I can't be that reason

Mine is gone
She's my reason
Yet  I can't smile for them

Lonely

but no longer
alone
i am
searching for myself in others
i am not
happy
anymore, and it makes me
sad
i can't say that i'm
the happiest i've ever been
i'm
lonely
but no longer

Alone

When my brothers dog died.
In his eyes crumbling,
The loudest silence I've ever heard.

i would give you
all the stars,
all the planets,
just to see that smile
again.

He gave me dead flowers
So I can smell them every day
The rotten petals falling
The color of decay

The washed out sunflower
The dehydrated leaves
The mold on the water
The color of debris

The richly red rose
Now drooping to the floor
The color of love
Existed no more

But still I saved the flowers
And smelled them every day
And watered them with tears
To let them grow again.

i used hate the way i would be awake at four in the morning.
i remember the way everything used to feel so haunting and scary.
there were no words to describe how deep inside my mind i would sink into,
scared and afraid of no return.

but now,
oh now,
i love it.
i fell in love with the quiet.
there was no more worry or fear.

I wore my heart on my sleeve
vibrant and true
but you ignore the wash label
bleached anew
I wore my heart on my sleeve
and became stained by you

- i need a new jumper

The graveyard is a
mouth of crooked teeth,
with an ambiguous smile.

I’ve been floating aimlessly
in a dark and icy sea,
waiting, just waiting,
for life to make something
out of me.

Mental
Physical
I want you wrapped around me
I want your fingers between mine
Your breath over my body
Breathe life into me
I beg you
I want your name engraved on my lips
Your sweetness covering every piece
Molded together
I need you
Inside me, my mind, all of me
Fill my missing parts
Smooth my broken edges
I surrender
Put me back together with your body
With your words
Force me to be hole again  
Blow, break, burn, cool and make me new
Wrap your name tight around my insides
Brand me
I can be what you need
Never ending cravings
I’ll fulfill your needs
Euphoria
I was born to make you feel it
Mentally
Physically