I sit with you but I'm alone
I smile at you but it's not returned
I laugh with you but you don't hear me
I whisper in your ear but you ignore me
I look deep into your eyes but there is no reflection of me
I caress your neck but you seem distant
I cry out your name but there is no sound
I'm with you but you're not with me
Am I in heaven or hell?

trailing fluff
a doughnut cloud
flies east

My brittle heart
longs to be held
by your small hand

I'm sorry
But I couldn't get myself
To love your empty words

The seed is in the fruit, indeed,
     the fruit is in the seed.
For what is it that grows from it,
     by coding that it reads?
And can it be a different fruit,
     if to this code it heeds?
It is compelled by code to swell,
     before by birth it's freed.
And as the seed becomes the fruit,
   the fruit's indeed the seed.


(C)2020, Christos Rigakos

what does it feel like to be held
not by another body
not by a set of limbs, a chest, a chin
but
by another soul

what does it feel like
to see truth in another pair of eyes
instead of hidden intentions
instead of absence

what does it feel like
to hear a familiar heartbeat
resounding next to your own
reaching through skin
through bone
two rhythms
indistinguishable

what does it feel like
to write poems about
a love that exists

indie music
playing
out loud
from my
smartphone

cold draft
of wind
coming from
the window

my little
dog
happily
playing with
their
bouncy ball

i guess
the details
are the
most beautiful

I think of balloons up in the sky where birds fly into the clouds they go and stars come out when they are colorful bright colors like a rainbow that develops into shapes

I fell in love with the sun, that lights up the sky. It's beauty spreads across the world for every man to see. You promised you would stay forever and I believed you. Only to be left alone in the darkness of night time. I missed your warmth as I hugged my knees with my head laying on them, patiently waiting till morning for you to come once more. One evening when I was crying alone, I heard the moon ask for what I shed tears. I said because the sun left me alone in darkness every night. A cold but gentle breeze blew through my hair, as I heard it say "look up....you were never alone", I raised my heard up and saw the moon. I quickly fell in love with the gentle light that always stayed by my side.

~bb

The motion of the emotions
flowing through his veins
Screaming in his head
bleeding out the pain

The dazzled days of summer
egregious in their sins
Strip off the sunburst animus
down to blacken skin

The waves crash down upon him
Reeking winds of change
From the ashes of the heat
the phoenix rise again

The plumage new and pure
There is a sparkle in the eye
Ancient knowledge collected
to the questions why

Everyone a phoenix
Yes each and all so true
Stand up from amidst the ashes
God does want you to

Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.

One half of the Earth is always in darkness and one half is always light.

Go where light is.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

You’re much like the rain,
You can be soft or heavy,
Or kind to my drought.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

Broken moments,
Leaving bleeding scars.
All over, scars and scars and scars

You held the knife,
They say.
lucky it wasn't worse.

Cutting and cutting and cutting
Will that make me free?

i was sitting here
searching for how to
do something mundane.
worklike.
syncing accounts.
trying to find passwords.
downloading data.

i sprinkled eucalyptus around
earlier to try
to make myself feel better.

i lit a candle and everything and
even pretend made my bed.
cranked the air conditioning.
so i could cool off.
and calm down.
and r e s t.

i took 2 dove milk chocolates
and ice cold water to my room.
i just wanted to watch
Stargate Atlantis
and go to sleep.

lazily mining for data
half paying attention
and suddenly an
  intergalactic time portal
opened up before my eyes.
and boom.
(i'm here again)
in this place
of so much
l o v e
my heart pounding
as if no time has gone by.
as if you had just come around
the corner and i see your face
again for the
first time.

literally tachycardia
a loss of all logic
a stupid, stupid grin
my body shaking
in anticipation
of hearing your voice.

by accident.
gigabyte after gigabyte after gigabyte
                and year, after year, after y e a r
and no matter which
one i choose,

i find pieces of you.
    funny little pieces.
        big, honest pieces.
secret pieces.
my pieces.

tears are streaming
d o w n my face
but i don't care
because it is the only
time i can remember
what it was like.

to be a different person.
in a different time.
to overlap with you.

every click
and swipe
songs
artworks
words
photos
texts

the reaching and
the r e t r e a t i n g.
     the coming together and
the sudden
   f
     a ll
in g
a p
art

all neatly in chronological
order like i'm
reading my own story.
but seeing it from
the outside.
the entire picture.
and i can see
where i was wrong
   i n t e n s e
younger
and stupider
and flailing.

but i have always seen you.
     always from the
           very first moment.
you were like an assault
  but in a cosmic sense.
and at the same time
a peaceful, serene, beautiful,
rare combination of atoms and ****.

and i don't think something like that
   could ever happen again.
i can't even imagine it,
   and imagining is the
only thing i'm good at.

curse the interwebs,
saving all this ****
i didn't even realize.
and thought was lost.

but also thank you,
google overlord.

i think it's ok to cry
  about loving someone,
and missing someone
so so so so much.

because nothing matters more
  than being honest
about your love.

and then i looked out
my window in despair
and i saw
a crescent moon.

If my fate is to love you
From a distance
Then I'll burn for you
Like a star in your night sky
Bright, steady, reliable
Unwavering
Until the end of time.

I have fallen in love with The Moon,
and in all of His darkness
I have recognized I am The Sun

cielo lleno de luces
un obra de arte
como tu
estrellas hermosas brillantes
en la lejana oscuridad
como tu
gran Jupiter y sus amigos
pero no tan grande
como tu

When conversations end,
When the people all leave,
When they all go and enjoy their own lives
When I am finally alone...

I first sigh with relief; solitude at last,
I go about my own business,
I start to grow with unease,
I find myself wishing they'd return...

But they won't.

Shannon sang:
Life is hard,
We have to change

Global pandemics and
Civil uprisings

Nothing will be the same

People in the streets
Voices carry
Did they hear us?

No justice,
No peace

An echo

Rubber bullets
Mace in the face
Independence day

All lives matter,
So they say

Girl in the green shirt

Costume covers
Grieving mothers

Life is hard,
We have to change

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

i'd rather be kissing in summer
so innocent and so naïve
you can taste the strawberries right off my lips

i'd rather be cuddling in winter
so cozy and so soft
in my mouth, i can taste your past
that's what i want and that's where i am

Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?