bookseller, revving habit/fever

the Wright book, I say.
the poems about the tree,
           elbows on the counter.

i say i say i say, leaning in.

                                                         a drop of rain
                                                         hangs from a pine
                                                         needle   finds my
                                                         finger    my lips.  

unseen is not vacancy.

the question of a pile
of decayed blue feathers-

where does my power
come from?

             a magic trick-

off trail   recording time
many months and nothing,
though today my
       dead bird
       is back, disappearing.

Flaccid is death

like snow drifting to earth

a dearth of visions dimly illuminated,

question sanity, humanity and such

yet snow like dust

swirls and blows away

and life's imprint

soon melts

like footprints

on a snow covered day.  .

Sigh, we live, we die,

so who am I

to ponder fate

with innate lines

when the sand is

dwindling and I'm

running out of time?

Sigh!

Sublime aspiration known suddenly
In falling.  Falling is easy; getting up
Can take effort-One says I will walk
And be content but temptation defies
Reason.   Eros will have its way you=
Sisyphus falls once again for the joy -
That does not last -It is so easy to fall
So hard to get up.  It is human to err...
But still we must grow up where to fly
We must fall; and Love have its  Way
Till the end that still we are children


Sweet bird of youth bird thou never wert...

i wanna die. i wanna die.
i wanna die. i wanna die.
i wanna die. i wanna die.
but i can't seem to pull the trigger.

always say no
when they come and hurt you

always deny
whenever they Long

always know
It is not
my wish.


It was just a girlie sect murderer
She must fade away. Not you must do anything.
Flowersrain

Like apple blossoms
Entice bees to sweetly dance
So you call to me

Past midnight
Cruising the backroads
In yer Monte Carlo
A cigarette on my lips
A tear on my cheek
There comes a fog
Then a rain
Is it true
That I can only see the shadow of you?
Cherry blossom under the street light
The lilacs are not ready to bloom
It is all beautiful
And it is all gone too soon.
I still dream of you
And when I awake
It still feels as though
You'll be lying
Right next to me
But the harsh reality
Sets in
And I brace myself
For the monotony
of another day
of my true love being very far away.

a sky with a gradient of blue to grey
it followed red minds
glowing through a burning gaze
eyes pointed at me
and yet I wondered,
why do I see ashes behind you?

once I was engulfed
I still had to be sorry; I couldn't be angry
so you witnessed my tears instead
and yet I wondered,
was it as painful for you?

extinguished to smoke
recovery took seconds
you simply ran beyond me
and yet I wondered,
why was I the only one who still couldn't breathe?

just a few words
on the tip of my tongue
i'd say 'em out loud
but then they'd become
twisted by your perceptions
and misunderstood
i keep to myself
for my own good

I have been on here seven months
I wrote about many different things
I needed to get them out of me
It is true ignoring pains don't heal them

I wanted to say
Jesus is my best friend
He is Lord and only he has authority to forgive sin
Jesus is the only name man can call on
to be saved

I was told two years ago
I have only a few years left on this earth
So I have no reason to lie to you about Jesus

I had planned to write poems through June
but I can't do that
I have to little time to waste
I am going to find a woman, get married
and have a fantastic few years

I will try to answer any mail to the end of June
but maybe only once a week
Take care.....Matt

Let's fly away
To worlds unknown
Playing strange games
meeting people with funny names
discovering treasures untold

Let's fly away
To see dragons and castles
Meet Kings and Queens
Fight alongside knights
To save the land
To win the pretty maidens hand

Let's fly away
High above the clouds
Let's continue to fly
To never touch down

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

you’re the breath that fills my lungs
and the fire inside my bones
you give reason to my woe
no matter how dark the night may seem
and you’re all that I need, all that I’ll need

I see the lights through the window
Forming shapes in your ceiling
We lie in bed and you look at me
You don't say what you are thinking
But you smile and get closer.

I hear the traffic through my window
Keeping me awake till late at night
Too late to say what I was thinking
That time I wanted to stay
But left anyway.

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

I’m not going so say it again
But you know what this is about.
I don’t know why I keep feeling this way.
I wish I could stop

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

I don't want to live my life
on silence
on this dead peace
I want the noise, I need the beat
to make me lose it
with joyful tears
I need the thrill of the ride
I need the riot inside
I need the quiet independence

I could never decide whether to be forlorn
Or fill the void with fruitless ally.

Each sunrise that was witnessed by me,
I had to resolve, whether to exist or to live.

Day after day I had to find a way
To be adroit and ardent without going astray.

When my heart and mind were in utter chaos,
It was love that gave them tranquility.

My mind was a mere symbol of menace,
My heart an epitome of solace. ~Faiza Khan

I sit
on a canopy
of cool air
straight,  aligned
my soul afloat
heart gently graced
Lotus palms,
fingers touching
as chakras form rainbows
from my base,  
all through my spine
divinity frothing free
In prismatic pulses
my heartwaves
flushed of poisons,
energy cleansed
I am open
as the universe opens
to me
my third eye
in blossom

and even here
you reside in my
tiniest of fibers
even if I wanted to
I couldn't wash you out
you look into me
parting me,  gently
reaching into my
deepest of
strata

I am fresh fruit,
pulled apart
My juice runs
like a godly river
without me even
parting my thighs
Time and time again
I am electrified
touching this earth
the ripe flow of you
folds me into
little earthquakes,  
seismic vibrations
Only felt by me,
shaken to subtle core

and even if I tried to
resist it
you melt into me
like breath
you rock me
from chaos
into still ponds

So
for now
to calm the raging
waters that flow over
and through me
I sit
I breathe
and feel
one with
the heavens
and earth
the inner magic
rushing to me

I have myself,
woman of woman
and you,
a part of
     my landscape
forever

The shadows whisper in my ears
The voices in the back of my mind
The ones I write down
Just to get them out
But once they're on the page
They can't hide from me
And I can cut them down
Make them bleed
I know they want me to surrender
Because we both know
I'm a threat to them
So, every breath I take
Is a victory anthem
Every beat of my heart
A drum cadence
It's the song of life
And as long as it plays
I'm winning.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

U    B
     B              B
          E     L

Perfectly round

         U    B
     B              B
          E     L

Sparkling in the sun
                                                 U    B
                                           B              B
                                                E     L
Floating on the breeze
    U           B
                      
     B                       B
        E    
                    L

Popping

You once said
Your love for me
Will never die
That you would love me
For evermore.

And now you tell me
That it is all gone
That nothing is sempiternal
Nothing lives for eternal

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019