Im OK.

Its raining.
Im OK

Its cold
Im OK

People ranting to me
Im OK

Even when im not OK
I pretend to be...

There's nothing i can do..

i tried to distinguish
all my awful feelings
from how i really felt

i tried to extinguish
the fire i spread
from the one i lit myself

ripping scar tissue
the scabs on my lips
are these just the cards i’m dealt?

am i the dealer?
do i need a healer?
or more concealer?
a realist with a fake smile
i’ve been in this dentist’s chair for a while

Sometimes we get so busy living we forget
Life is not made for you
Your life is made by you

Dearth of  Budliah
the opacity of death
The Roses flattened
like a calf awaiting slaughter
a mist drugs Winter's Mirth

You need a bone meal to furnish the soil
to amend the trellised Wisteria
and let the Magpie roam around
the worms with their natural habitation
These gifts quilting in their inner abundance

even with these masks,
there's always someone who sees your face.

So he sank to one knee
and asked, "will you make me
the most happiest man
in the whole wide world?"

Years later, over pizza,
he said, "you been a good wife
and I loves ya."

Now, at his grave site,
dirt turns to mud
as she waters the earth
with her tears.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

It's not that I'm jealous

Maybe I'm mourning a life that I didn't have

You sit there pretty, not a care in the world

While I have to carry around this body that I wasn't meant to be in.

there's a funny little thing called love
flower fields no way amount to what i want
here's a daily dose of dos and donts
scripted scenes never play out to what i wrote
note: cheers to films for making old love seem real for young ones

Her eyes were fiery
While her lips peeled away
Her sun was setting
But her colors never fade
When she bites she is bitter
But when she smiles she is sweet
Like a nectarine emblem
She’s the fruit of life’s tree.

Like the tumble trembling from a heap of crates,
As the ocean flows up and down in waves,
Sadness seems to be my solid state,
It's been a hard drive trying to get to a different place,
If I don't move I'll be diseased,
I'm sick of walling in misery,
Peace, love, joy, they're calling me,
Melt this stony flesh before I freeze,
Unlock these chains for you have the keys or did you already give them to me?

a question
worth
asking

a risk
that's worth
taking

craving
you
like a drug

i know
you're
lost

but
you're
here

your smile
is the reason
for mine

i wish to be
more than
friends

i wish to
wake up
where you are

have you
seen you
if not

let me
tell you
that you're

beautiful
in every
single way

i
love
you

Yesterday I noticed your eyes...
Today I said I like you...
Tomorrow I will probably say I love you...
I wish yesterday had happened 20 years ago...
You mean so much to me...
That in 20 years I will probably still see you as the beautiful angel I met...
Yesterday...

I promise to pull the fuzzies from your shirt,
as long as you keep my cheeks free from loose lashes.
My wishes will all be for our 'we' to last forever.

He asked her what it's like living with anxiety.

She smiled sadly, "It's a never-ending pulse-race. Like knowing you don't want to jump off a cliff but not being able to talk yourself down from it.

Your fears take on a nebulous, unidentifiable form that tightens around your throat and incapacitates you.

There is no calm. No peace. Only the edge of a very strained thread."

Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame

Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face

Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate

Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place

Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate

Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create

Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced

I woke up from a nightmare
I could not stand to keep
to myself

you were stretched across the couch
coffee going cold on the table
a half finished cigarette
still burning

you wrapped me up
in kind words that
I could not bare
to hear

whispered into my ear
"one day we will go wandering
and this tiny house will overspill
with dreams'

you are not your memories, darling
you are not the bad things
that have been done to you
you are a fierce flame
that warms my heart

forget them, my love
they are nothing
and you, and you
are everything

I wonder if I really am kind hearted.
Most people think it’s true,
But maybe I’m just afraid of being mean-
Maybe I’m afraid of being you.

...the meadow and the puddle
you wouldn't come out of

wild and simple joy

invisable to eyes, now...

I wander the meadow grass

the fields where the flowers glow
in early morning
sunlight

the fields you
only dream of
where your soul is always free...

and you come running

spectral through the mist

I walk lonely fields

I wonder what it’s like
To be loved by someone
Romantically

I see people kiss in movies
And run my fingertips along my lips gently
Wondering what it’s like

I yearn for it
But don’t know how to go about it

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I dreamt you cut your hair
galvanized and grey
Like your the graze
Of finger tips over
A dropped knife
Stuttered speech
And the way
You catch me
From across the room
And I’m sweeping
The fondness shed

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

no one loves me
but they claim they care
if they really did wouldn't they see

i am falling apart
fragile to the touch
yet they keep on pushing me

closer to the edge
and they think i can take more
so they push farther till i'm at the brink

it's like they know i can't swim
but they are going overboard
and they'll be suprised when i sink

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.