We are two different worlds
And it *****
I wish I wasn’t
Wish I was better suited
We both deserve better
But the world plays games
I can’t tell if she knows
or if she's even into me
Or if she’s just creeped out
Because, different worlds
But I want her… badly
and I'm afraid she knows
not that it stops me
a boy still dreams
I want to ravage her like there’s no tomorrow
I imagine her whispering my name in the dark
Her blonde hair dangling over my face
Her eyes trapping mine
her smiling shining in the darkness
She smells like a garden in my dreams
She always wears black
But I see her in a white dress
Her hands soft against my face
They melt me with her heat
I swear…
I’m afraid she’d be worth every consequence
I’m scared because I wouldn’t regret her
She paints her lips in a glossy pink
Reminds me of donut frosting
But they’re probably sweeter
And in a more natural
Addicting way
Not that it would stop me otherwise
I’d wanna kiss her
Even if she made my teeth hurt
She paints her nails blood red
I pretend it’s my blood
From digging them into my back
****, she caught me
I’ve been staring at her nonstop
“What you thinking about?” She asks
And I shrug her off
“Just thinking about something…
You know...”
She laughs, and I laugh
And we pretend it’s not weird
But you know

Sad
And tired
No energy
Nor patience
I can’t
Imagine
A worse time
Anger sinks in
Slowly but surely
I’m losing my mind
And replacing it
With gloom
I don’t know
If you still love me
Talk to me
I need to hear your voice
Please
Because I’m
Empty
Yet full of
Sadness

Today marks one month of sobriety.
I’m happy with myself I’m staying clean.
I’m experiencing first hand why getting clean seems like an insurmountable task,
why it’s inherently formidable.
It’s not because of the task of getting clean itself, its because of everything that’s in my face while I’m clean-
the trauma, the distressing emotions & thoughts, the self defeating conditioning. It’s all clear as day, it’s inescapable now.

On the break
Season,
I asked..
Does he miss me?
Why has he never called?
Does he even have an idea why?
Why i left?
Why i try to be happy for him?
Why i hold back my tears?
Why i keep smiling in disguise?
Why he keeps me guessing?

Then in long solitude
I learnt you can't miss
What you replaced.

It is my dear calling
To bury his pain

Give Love Freely , Christ calls Us to Love Our Neighbor here.
Give Love Freely, For Christ calls Us to Love Our Brother too.
Give Love Freely , For Christ calls Us to Love Our Enemies too.
Give Love Freely, For Christ has Loved Us First then We Love Him.
Give Love Freely, For We are Called to spread the Gospel of Love.
Give Love Freely, By Loving Others First maybe then they Love you too.
Give Love Freely, Through doing this People shall see Christ within You.
Give Love Freely, Not the worldly type but Unconditional Love from God.
Give Love Freely, Live Your Life as a Servant for Christ Love Unconditional.

what does it feel like to be held
not by another body
not by a set of limbs, a chest, a chin
but
by another soul

what does it feel like
to see truth in another pair of eyes
instead of hidden intentions
instead of absence

what does it feel like
to hear a familiar heartbeat
resounding next to your own
reaching through skin
through bone
two rhythms
indistinguishable

what does it feel like
to write poems about
a love that exists

sometimes
you just
dont know
what to
say..
your mind
will just be blank.
your words
will just fade.
your heart
will just tighten.

but even then
you will be

okay.

staring out the window,
I remember you as you were

a bird always in flight

a fist full of tomorrows
held in the palm of your hand

staring out the window at the pouring rain
the warmth of your hand
pinions of a dove's wing
your hand in mine

I will not see the shadow
under your smile


gathering all the light in a room
like a flower in the sun

I remember you as you were

being with you is such a pleasant feeling
i'm scared to write poems about us
you're so precious
i don't want to
romanticize
you

𝗢𝗻 𝗮 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝘆𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝘂𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗠𝗶𝗮𝗺𝗶 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲
𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝘀𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗯𝗶𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗯𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗺𝗲,
𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗲𝘁𝗲𝘀.

there she went,
back into her mind
the noiseless depths of anticipation.
her reactions?
controlled.

Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.

I know how you feel
its terrible..
its hard..
its difficult..
its impossible
its just unbearable..

This bond beyond personal, love of a thing, not pairing or courting but the pursuit within, speak back and connect or pain will proceed, for the gift that you feel wants the life you could lead.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

Summer clings to her skin and
drips from her lips like a lovesong.

Each freckle that dusts her
face is a blessing from the
blazing sun.

Her hair falls down her back
in strawberry colored waves, each
gentle curl enticingly lovely.

She is beautiful as her skin grows
golden after every lick of heat—
blossoming in the Summer sun.

She grows steady and strong
like an oak tree, living every day
like she'll never have it again.

You’re much like the rain,
You can be soft or heavy,
Or kind to my drought.

If my fate is to love you
From a distance
Then I'll burn for you
Like a star in your night sky
Bright, steady, reliable
Unwavering
Until the end of time.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I sit with you but I'm alone
I smile at you but it's not returned
I laugh with you but you don't hear me
I whisper in your ear but you ignore me
I look deep into your eyes but there is no reflection of me
I caress your neck but you seem distant
I cry out your name but there is no sound
I'm with you but you're not with me
Am I in heaven or hell?

Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?

Baby, don't worry,
I love you more
than my soul
You're my dream
and life goal.

I feel so sorry,
I'm not there with you
right now
But I always find myself
in you.
Soon I will get back
to you.

I love you, I miss you
Baby, don't worry!
I feel you, I want you
Honey, don't worry!

Sweetie, I will come soon.
Your memories
still make me smile
I remember
you were climbing a stile
to walk with me
in the afternoon.

One day all the dreams
will come true
'Cause everyone knows
our love is true.
There is no need to worry!

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

Love is
waking up at night
kissing you
just to see you smile
in your sleep