Bouquet of pink roses wrapped in conversations
All I wanted was to see you happy and fill the vase
Your door will never be wide open for this affection
But I'm happy that I'm allowed at the doorstep place
Because I'm the lucky winner of past rejections
I'm bad at connecting strings and keeping bonds
Yet the doorbell still rings a welcoming sound
And when I stand on the welcome mat, the world warms
Because I'm the lucky winner in your embracing arms

The lonely city sky is calling your name
For the priceless pain of that childish dream
The purple clouds slowly covered the stars
Reminding me of you in my heart

Walking down this cold and empty street
Seeing your face in the back of my brain
Over the ages of my secret disguise
Reviling the spark of that sweet wine

Oh lover
I am here
But too far to see
To see that fire

Oh lover
I am blinded and fooled
It's too painful for me
For me to see that fire

Seven years later I still dream
Of your smile on that rainy day
To cover my heart and escape the fate
You are still on my mind

Oh baby,
You're still on my mind

Slow down,
What are you running from?
Wait now.
What are your demons?
Rest child.
I promise the sun will come out
in the morning.
Just believe in yourself.
You can make it through.

Wait in your eyes
Looking out of window
Few minutes seem like forever

That restless walk
That slight nod of head
The noisy and the sensitive

The nearing footsteps
The wait is over
Door opens and you're in my arms

"My four legged friend
Your treats are here
And yes I love you too!"

You’re like Rome to me,
All the roads lead to you.

Gazing at the stars
I look at my fading  scars
The unseen hurt  , The  unheard  cry
I wish the pain inside  would die

I go through this once more
Will there ever be a door
Which would take me far away
To an unknown gateway

But the blade is my friend
When I reach dead ends
He hears me scream ....hears me moan
A smirk on his lips appear as I groan

My face has turned pale ...my fingers blue
He says my untimely death is now due
I look around and plead
In this hour a  warm hand is all I need

I was supposed to write
So many more poems about you
But all I have left
Is the fading scent
You left on my jacket

You’re much like the rain,
You can be soft or heavy,
Or kind to my drought.

You can drink one bottle of *****
just by yourself.
You can get so drunk
that you don't remember your own name
but you will never forget their voice
and the way it felt
when you were laying in their arms.
You will forget everything
but the person you love.
You will forget everything
but the person you lost.

i'm a crownless queen
left to wander the wastes
searching for a princess
with whom i can replace

even if you
squeeze your eyes shut
armadillo tight
deny, deny
your very cells
will push it up
to the light

maybe the secret
seeps up to the surface
out of your pores
whispers,
"do you think
you can endure this?"

maybe it burns you
from the inside out
wildfire spreading
through every
blue green vein
slowly scalding
that porcelain

you can struggle
you can fight
researching remedies
through the yawning night

but your body
will grow tired
and force the ugliness
once ignored
into plain sight

In the washroom
my reflection
and I,
Challenge one another-

A coagulated sweat,
A Combat baby's brain,
A moon that doesn't set-
Ascending constant strain...
Oh Anxiety, Paranoia,
Obsession and Depression,
Still perhaps, a poem just might
set free this true confession:
Confusion and  Delusion
The mirror's blunt conclusion
Pristiq, and then Welbutirn,
Art's  inclusive-type solution.

another one's challenge;
my Reflection , and I
In the
Washroom.

the stars came from two things
one that comes from dust
and the other from her eyes

Love is within
Or is it
Verily i say unto you
It need be
You should know
You are worthy
And deserving

Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.

The distant hollow of the high mountain pass
swallows the setting sun as it steals away southbound
behind the coastal mountain's tangerine sunset hued silhouettes
Mulberry plashed shadows pointing northward
across the evergreens outstretched dimming,
beneath the waning fade of each fleeting eventide

Sundown ebbing asunder the wafting daylight,
each gloaming of the day, helplessly a moment sooner past,
transfixed further south beyond yesterday's passing azure
The lazy days of summer escape unbounded,
nomadic as the sea I've seen sail away before;
evanescent as the beauty of the bloom summer days beheld
and the memory of the fragrance they exhale

The nebulous weight of the gravity is consciously denied
by the truths a human heart beholds
A moment’s epiphany afflicts like a rogue wave in a calm sea;
the only thing my heart ever wanted remains out of reach

Everything my heart needs consciously surrendering
to the poignant passing moment's beauty,
the falling sun at distance sets more suddenly now
Lost in the undeniable certainty
life's imminent season's change

Eyes drawn stubbornly from presence to a sky so far away,
knowing there'll be no restitution for the welling sense of loss...
A bitter sweet song mummers in the silence of the absorbing spell,
summer's sun stained pages of watermarked soul scribbles,
time tattooed reparation for the indelible ache
of a harsh grey winter loneliness

Perhaps too familiar, this whelming Déjà vu
that tears my soul;     that tugs at these roots
but cannot sever their sacred grasp
But for now, eyes fixed to the sun's
inevitable tightening tether hence —
to wear weary each fraying thread's  impending break

Each sunset leans a deeper angle southward
as it slips down through the firwood shadows;
illuminating other faraway latitudes
far beyond the distant horizon skies

The preordained continuum unfolding what will be ...


someone you used to know ... September 11, 2017 ... 7:30 PM

If my fate is to love you
From a distance
Then I'll burn for you
Like a star in your night sky
Bright, steady, reliable
Unwavering
Until the end of time.

We all eventually have to let go of the rope that’s causing our hands to burn..


- JGMC•¥• ©

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

No one will remember
if it was the ocean
or the river -
just fun in the sun
the sand and the water
under a blue sky -
or the fever
they caught there
on the 4th of July.

A dream in my mind,
Of you and me together,
A home, forever.

Life is like a video game,
The motive is to survive the ultimate level.
You can be the one to cast the flame
And shift the blame,
But in the end —
We’re all faced with the devil.

I wonder if poetry is
a humble attempt to reduce
the magnificence or terror of dreams
to words.

Have you ever liked someone so much you regret meeting them?

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

Healing leaves are now disrobed branches
on the edge of this wilderness.
Many tall Douglas Fir stand sentinel
over 100 foot tall amazing grace — the fleeting leaves
expose the beauty of the moss clad scaffolds
adorned with a lime-grey lichen lace
Nature is my refuge — solid ground to stand
in this harmony and peacefulness.


Jesse Stillwater — December 2018

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.