My heart aches
for you
but you are
nowhere to be found
So I will put pen to paper
and write of my love
if you return too late
you can read my last words

Clouds cry too

when it is

too heavy.

I’m tired of people dying
Of all the loss in this world

She was lost years ago
To the cancer in her body
Her ashes spread in the sea
Resting where she loved

I’m tired of people dying
Of all the loss in this world

She was lost way too young
The water too deep for her
Stuffed animals on the alter
Two years wasn’t enough

I’m tired of people dying
Of all the loss in this world

He was lost last week
When he fell too far
Only eighteen years
Sister said “see you soon”

I’m tired of people dying
Of all the loss in this world

She was lost long ago
Her heart beat blocked
A daughter, a sister, a niece
Just SMiLe, you’ll be okay

I’m tired of people dying

Our hands intertwined,
eyes locked up,
lips were sore from kissing;
I'd say we were the best that have ever happened in each other's life.

But time was ancient,
so you left me with your name inside
and married her instead; left our memories behind, put her body in your bed.

My fangs grew overnight
And when I tried to hide my smile
It poked my lower lip
From it, a bit of blood dripped,
It tasted sweet.

I walked over arched bridges at night
The ones, that mold around the moon light,
My fangs were longing for a match
To graze your lips, your mouth to touch.
On you, to latch.

The knock woke me from my deep sleep,
I heard some kids say trick or treat,
I realized it's Halloween!
I gathered candy from under couch
I didn't need my plastic fangs
I had my own and the costume matched...

Because the earth’s round
Doesn’t mean it’s  having a ball.

Because waves crash
Doesn’t mean that they aren’t in control.

Because the sea is deep
Doesn’t mean that it’s thoughtful

Because land meets the sea
Doesn’t mean that they agree

Because you float my boat
Doesn’t make me the captain.

These words are for me,
For I'm the one who's hurting,
I'm just healing myself.

The trees are coming into green

The trees are coming into green
Their new tongues seem poised
To speak. What will they say?
Will they whisper to the wind,
That their new life is good,
That they will add
To the cycles of grain?
Or will they simply display,
Unfold their veins, carrying
The message from roots
No frost could reach.
What is their message
To me, who unlike they,
Sees more than one season?
Perhaps it is simply this:
Last year is dead and all
Is fresh, is fresh, begins anew.

Harald Edwin Pfeffer 19-10-2010

today,
I wore it again
and people complimented me
they say red is my color
and it suits me.

today,
it's too thick and dark
did I overapply
no, it's the right amount
just enough
to make them think
I'm fine.

today,
I look at myself
in the mirror,
and they're right
red shines on me,
so I applied
another layer,
and another
until my lips felt too thick,
but my eyes still see
the scars beneath it.

and in that moment
that passing second of truth-
before the mask of lies and smiles...

she felt her emptiness

Some day someone will buy the sun and charge to have sunlight

We fell in love by chance,
We stay in love by choice.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

If demons looked like demons,
evil would be rare.
It's the demons dressed like angels,
that you must beware.

Why do you tempt me.
Just when things might be getting good.
I don’t find it as unwelcoming as maybe I should,
but rules keep me from wasting unspoken promise.
Except my amiableness won’t draw lines harsh enough.

your eyes still look familiar
but the looks they give me now are foreign

Why can’t sleep make this
Nightmare
Go away?
Yet, dreaming makes this
Nightmare
More of a reality
Than it already is

you never wanted me as your daughter.
you never wanted me at all.
why did you bring me to this cursed wasteland?
it's all your fault.
if i was a boy,
would you have loved me more?
of course not.
i'm worthless to you.
if i disappeared,
would you even care?
probably not.
you'd blame it on me and call it a day.
i'm just a ragdoll
being thrown because of your anger.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

I think
the world
needs
more
of us
than we
can offer

sometimes in green but mostly black
a crying baby is like a kitchen faucet
who cries missing when we painted our toes the same color
or picked beautiful wild flowers together

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

you
are the everything
causing me to be
broken
empty
lifeless

you
did it
it is all
you
your fault
why

me
forever damaged
full of hate
all for
you

the saddest part is
I still care

Life is unfair
you now care for someone else

Inside my heart, inside of me,
There is a place longing for poetry.

this time of year feels like a memory already