I'm not afraid to die
Just let me say goodbye

- sometimes I don't think I'm made for this world

Today is your birthday
I’ll celebrate it with memories
Of thirty-seven years together
And eternity in Heaven

you live in my dreams
i can only see you;
when i close my eyes
when i fall asleep
when i think of, what i need the most;

the first thing in my mind is you

you live in my dreams
i dont know who you are
yet i feel so safe when i dream of you

my grip is slipping,
and falling scares me.
my world is fading away.
h      
          e
                     l
                             p
       m
                 e

h
          e
                    l
                          ­     p
          m
                     e

writing was an escape but even now words slip off the paper like tear drops.

my eyes are as green as the grass on the other side of the fence; my heart is a bitter undrinkable spring of resentment. an equivalent exchange i can't bring myself to make.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

I have been the bright one at partys
the funny one in groups
the cute one for boys
the wild one
but nowadays
i am more and more losing myself in the rain
and its like my tears about him
wash away
m          s
      y
                 e          
                                    l
          

f...

I'm not "smart" like them.

I'm not "bright" as them.

I'm not "confident" like them.

I'm not "beautiful" as them.

I'm not "someone" like them.

Can you just accept that?

I don't like crying myself anymore

-Said myself in the mirror.

Roaring breeze approaches
Freeing leaves of their raindrops
Left by morning shower

I thrive off weakness
Seeing the deepend
As a way to way to
Try and breath again

I hear the floor creak outside my door,
I thought he couldn’t come here anymore.
I close my eyes I am not here,
Maybe he won’t see me and just disappear.

He walks straight to my bed,
I feel his hand upon my head.
I try not to but I flinch,
Now he knows and I can’t move an inch.

The only way to survive what happens here,
Is to fly away until the coast is clear.

I love you I have love for you I’m in l—-

I’m infatuated with you.

Would I have ever written
If always surrounded by the people I grew up with, my folks
They are a reason for my happiness and strength
Being with family and forgetting the rest
Life is great, in my Happy nest
But, it brings you reasons and its own tests
So I write, forgetting the rest

When it’s no longer that contrast
The purple and blue and brass
I can’t grasp

When nothing’s juxtaposed
When there’s nothing to compare
When I’m naked and no one but me’s there

There’s you

California cauliflower grows in Alaska better than parsnips do on a
Paris terrace. It is true. I sunk my thumb in a **** to save Waterloo.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I think we have always been soulmates.

And just like that our silver night burns warm
Time, most precious, greets all with gold

are farsighted? I’m splitting in two
in front of them, and still I can’t get
their attention. They walk over me like
I’m fallen leaves. I feel so used. I beg and

I plead for some relief. But they think it’s
my usual drama. So, I wear my steely armor
and smile. I’m not fooling anyone, least of all
myself. So, I hide in a bottle like a ship. And just like

the ship I can’t get out of the narrow
mouth. And there’s a cork at the head that won’t let
anything in. So, here I’m all alone by myself, which is
something I’m used to. And now since I’m split at the bow
I’ve no masts but two hulls.

It’s the kind of sadness where your rib cage
Contorts
And twists and
Snaps.

Depression doesn’t float through my veins
It crawls through my bones, with dagger hands
And winding movements.

I cannot breathe.

And yet there was nothing taken from me.

cold confetti
fused flakes of  f r o s t
onto her silk splashed skin
and her lucidity  longfully l o s t...

a ****** braided bun
mantled the misty move of  m a g i c
under the navy novels  of the night
flowing on the fiber of her floral  f a b r i c....

a seamless, sastrugi sky
crested colors of celeste and cobalt  b l u e
warming a wild wave of magnetism
melting the magnolia mist of the daisy  d e w...

i anchor
myself
to the back
of your mind
you wish
me away
but here
i still linger

all my life
i've been preparing faces
to meet the faces that
i've met

friends
family
the man who delivers newspapers
at our doorstep each morning

i've laughed at their silly jokes
as they tossed their heads from side to side
in naive stupidity and their sheer ignorance
a pompous lot, the human race i tell you

i've acknowledged their staunch morals
and tried to make them my own
as they scorned at the girl in a skimpy dress
and chewed on mutton bones gluttonously

all my life, i've been trying hard
to blend in
with people who've shown me
that i don't belong with them

and tonight when i shed gallons of tears
i have only my bed and pillow to share
i've learnt that my sadness
is my very own

You tend to me
in a way
no one else has before,
letting me grow
anew.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I'm her Neptune,
And she is my Nap-tune.

Tend to me
Like a thirsty garden once forgotten
Sing to me
Like a crying infant, pure and innocent
Hug me
Like an old friend years after
Look at me
Like an abstract painting, more complex with each glance
Touch me
Like the the cold steel strings of your guitar
Love me
Like you did before