You don’t decide who
Will make your heart race.
The corners of your lips just
Upturn so suddenly
That you only notice your smile
When you step forward and feel
The cement  pieces
Of a shattered frown
On the ground beneath your feet.

family:
nothing worth more

i am listening to my
people's words

i am listening

i am
i will be

Although the silence

was necessary,

to heal my hurt -


my heart

and soul

aches to hear the sound

of your laughter

We may ink, or pen,
          or be vocal on the
        
                                   words,

that turn to emotions.

                Invoking our
                                fear,
                         love,
                    sight..

Beyond the view that
            we never realised
that even if our legacy is
                               momentary.

If we can move one,
                move a moment,


then we know that we have
               meant something.

       That's helped someone connect
to our emotional state when we,
                                     I wrote this
                                                         piece..

I DON’T WANT ANYTHING
I JUST WANT
TO BE LEFT ALONE

I RESENT THAT YOU CARE

LET ME GO AND
TURN YOUR BACK ON ME
SO I CAN FIND MY PEACE

I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU

BUT IT’S AWFUL HARD
NOT TO GET YOU CAUGHT
IN MY CROSSFIRE OF PAIN

SO LEAVE ME ALONE

YOU’LL BE BETTER OFF
NOT WORRYING ABOUT ME

AND I’LL BE BETTER OFF
NOT HAVING TO RESTRAIN MY URGES
FOR YOUR SAKE

I COULD FINALLY MELT INTO MY ILLNESS
DRIPPING INTO ONE ANOTHER
UNTIL I’M UNRECOGNIZABLE

LET

ME

GO

PLEASE

YOU’D BEST BE ON YOUR WAY
OFF IN A SEPARATE DIRECTION
TOWARD BETTER THINGS AND PEOPLE

BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF FIGHTING
SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW
AND I’D LIKE TO REST SOON

I beg of you my foes
release me
from the clutch of your damnation
allow me safe return to the land of my birth
freedom from your forked tongue
that spits foul words of stench
the gnashing of your teeth will be no more

you have created in me darkness
That you have embedded deep into the core of my inner being
I shall beg of you no more

I demand of you return
return back to the pits
for you shall be made to
wallow in the agony
and pain for which you have
bestowed upon life

It has been written what you
have created in me
you now fear

The weight of the world
The tiptoeing
Can we budge a bit
In our self saving?

Constant search
Never map knowing
If love is true
It's in our favour.

oh, you, you
i'd call you lovely if i wasn't feeling as numb as i do
not of me to say things i dont mean, but i do think if i could
you'd be lovely to me
friend
lovely to someone
lovely to somebody

this footbridge leads to nowhere
so it seems across the gulley
just winter grass and cactus
low mountain ridges
and low clouds all
in almost black and white

between subdued and somber
open shadows leading
in straight lines

some joys are not bright baubles
a frozen moment
a quiet image

just breathe and sit
and take it in

You're grown now

You can't cry

I wont allow

So don't you dare try

I know deep down you wanna bawl

But you're grown, you're grown

If you let go, it'll be a waterfall

So claim your throne

Because up there

You're gonna have to bare

Someone asked me to draw
Draw what heartbreak looks like
I finally got tired of drawing a broken heart
And I started drawing you

one look from you
and my body
softens and bends
in response.
i see nothing else
and i couldn't fight it
even if i wanted to,
you are my gravity.

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

words that leave you feeling sore
are as simple as
"I don't love you anymore"

Bring me the happy words
Let them fall in my lap
As everything else does
And I'll do my best to handle them with care
Though they may crack in my hands
Tumble roughly from my mouth
And lose form on paper
Gift me a joyous phrase despite it all

Do you think a girl could love a boy who writes for her a million poems?  That's what I plan to do.

We’ve had promises broken
Words left unspoken

Tears on our cheeks
Lonely weeks

And yet
It still surprised me when you left me.

It just is

The red-bellied woodpecker and I
are one. It has always been
that way. See the blue sky?

And do you see all the ways
a cloudy world wishes to have
its say? Twisting and pulling.

Twisting and pulling. Twisting
and pulling. Yet, the red-bellied woodpecker
and I are one. It just is.

And you and I are one. Calling
out is the sky. The sun begs
the questions to be done. A ball of

Fire. And all this twisting
and pulling. Twisting and pulling.
Strung out and wrung out --

And a woodpecker. Red-bellied.
         In the sun. In the sky.
                And you

And I

one day
i might forget
the things you did
to me

and one day
i might not hate you
anymore

but when that day comes
i’m afraid
i might love you
all over again

a.g

"you're so beautiful,"
i told him.
he looked away
"i'm not"
he said
"you're one of the most beautiful people i've ever met,"
i said.
"no,
i'm ugly,"
he told me
"i swear, there's something about, that's just
absolutely beautiful."
i promised.
he looked up
angry tears in his eyes
"No. You don't get it. I'm hideous,"
he yelled.
"you're so beautiful to me"
i said softly as he walked away

" Cut yourself"

Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was the cat."
Just an excuse
Just a lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
" Just fashion, why?"
Just a tear
Just a scream
" Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream."
But it's not just a cut, or a tear, or a lie
It's 'just one more' until you die

From here to you I say
Writing is your healing,
Never let it get away.

mental illness is the
most expensive thing
i've ever owned but
never wanted

your sword is pointed at my neck,
so go ahead and slit my throat.
you'll see no fear in my eyes when you do.
the tip of my dagger already did its job,
and soon, the poison will **** you too.

A poet is no more than a person
A mother
A daughter
A lover  
Someone needing release
Or someone needing to recover


It’s the art they create when that ball of ink or stick of led dances on the canvas they so perfectly prepared.
And when the end result and their purpose become perfectly paired.

I feel different than before

not so angry
restless
or confused

it’s only a spec
on this great canvas

a locomotive

puffing smoke

pulling a string of boxcars
through never-ending rows of corn

I’m moving forward now
not so fast mind you

just slow

steady progress

headed  out west
someplace

where it’s warm

Whit Howland © 2019

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I'm jealous of the rain
It gets close to you
Closer than I ever will
It touches your skin
It combs your hair
It comes when you're sad
It stays when you're happy
I love you but you don't love me
So I say
I'm jealous of the rain