I apologize for my emotional density
I often worry you don't have time for me
I sit and cry and you watch me, scared
Not sure what to say, rushed, unprepared

In her gauzy garments
Above the bowing trees
The moon has many lovers
In the sighing breeze.

They all take her dancing
In exotic lands
They give her sparkling diamonds
They kiss her milk-white hands.

She is round & fullsome
Or slender as a waif
When she is then waning
Her flowers are kept safe.

Silken skeins of darkness
When she's waxing full
Are parted by her brightness
She is NEVER dull!

Her beaux are all so courtly
But she eschews them all
Her only love can make her pale
She burns at his call...

She lets out her moonbeams
Through her eyes they seep
She loves the one eclipsing her
They can NEVER meet!

She, so strong within her court
Will curtsey when he comes
The moon has many lovers

But she's taken by the SUN.


Catherine Jarvis
(C) 12/14/2019

yes music touches the keys
fingers pound and yes one pair
is red
the other neutral
for a more serious
look

mine are bifocal
and can distort gently
if i concentrate poorly
on the centre

i have had help a while
grateful at least that i can
see
unlike some of my family

i go annually to mid wales
to walk a while, boardwalk
across the bog preferably
alone

air above, below water and earth
words to come
sometimes gentle
sometimes not

sad today
it has been a long way
this way
am sad for others

I spoke your name to the woods
And touched the feathered snow
The needles fell down through the trees
As the wind did blow.

The sound was caught⁠—
Snagged on a branch⁠—stifled in its flight
I shook the terrible leaves awake
And cried into the night.

What it is to miss a thing
For years⁠—or no, or more.
It's a certain note that hangs⁠—
Silent evermore.

I think it’s better that we don’t talk anymore.
I always was the match to your gunpowder
Even when I tried to blow myself out.
Some people, like chemicals, are toxic mixtures.

Our love was less of a magnet and more of an accelerant.
Mutual attraction meets mutual destruction.

Maybe someday when we're older
And you're no longer where you've been
If you don't pawn your anger off on me
Maybe then we will speak again.

Me, a floating bubble,
Proudly dancing,
In the mighty river of time.

one day i am going to write something so deep about you
my heart will explode from rereading it.

Why am I being compared?
Am I that broken and need to be repaired?
To you do I mean nothing?
Am I even good at anything?
I’m no good
Leaving me unassured
Nothing is right
The truth is so bright
I know everything’s wrong
At night I search for the warmth of a song
I know I’m not worth it
Perfection does not fit
But don’t you see
You’re bringing me pain and misery
Comparing me makes me feel less
It makes me feel like a mess
From the inside I’m dying
About my happiness I’m lying
My heart is breaking apart
Your comparisons are at fault
Comparing me and I’m sinking into depression
Because of your inconsiderate action
All your words attack
And hurt more than a smack
Comparing me and myself I hate
Giving myself no respect, it’s too late
Comparing me and I’m no longer your friend
Bringing me to the end

Search not for an answer
For the meaning is deep
Stare not at the dancer
But at the move of her feet

Pray not for her love
As it is not just to give
Dream not of above
For still do you live

Give not to the wealthy
For the needing are poor
Smile not at the healthy
But at the sick to assure

Cry not in the past
As the future is bright
Live not life too fast
For there is much to delight

You don’t decide who
Will make your heart race.
The corners of your lips just
Upturn so suddenly
That you only notice your smile
When you step forward and feel
The cement  pieces
Of a shattered frown
On the ground beneath your feet.

I DON’T WANT ANYTHING
I JUST WANT
TO BE LEFT ALONE

I RESENT THAT YOU CARE

LET ME GO AND
TURN YOUR BACK ON ME
SO I CAN FIND MY PEACE

I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU

BUT IT’S AWFUL HARD
NOT TO GET YOU CAUGHT
IN MY CROSSFIRE OF PAIN

SO LEAVE ME ALONE

YOU’LL BE BETTER OFF
NOT WORRYING ABOUT ME

AND I’LL BE BETTER OFF
NOT HAVING TO RESTRAIN MY URGES
FOR YOUR SAKE

I COULD FINALLY MELT INTO MY ILLNESS
DRIPPING INTO ONE ANOTHER
UNTIL I’M UNRECOGNIZABLE

LET

ME

GO

PLEASE

YOU’D BEST BE ON YOUR WAY
OFF IN A SEPARATE DIRECTION
TOWARD BETTER THINGS AND PEOPLE

BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF FIGHTING
SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW
AND I’D LIKE TO REST SOON

Someone asked me to draw
Draw what heartbreak looks like
I finally got tired of drawing a broken heart
And I started drawing you

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

Do you think a girl could love a boy who writes for her a million poems?  That's what I plan to do.

I never thought
This day would come
That I'd find someone
I'd always love
You strolled right in
And Smiled
As you held up the key
To my once locked heart
Looking up
At the sky tonight
I feel so peaceful
Knowing
That you looked up
At the same beautiful moon
I love you, my Rose.

I am on a diet
from sharp knives

I have been fasting
for about two months

Here is my clean
untouched wrists

But what if I got thirsty
for a drop of my blood?

What if I got hungry, and swallowed
all the knives in the kitchen drawer?

one day
i might forget
the things you did
to me

and one day
i might not hate you
anymore

but when that day comes
i’m afraid
i might love you
all over again

a.g

mental illness is the
most expensive thing
i've ever owned but
never wanted

A poet is no more than a person
A mother
A daughter
A lover  
Someone needing release
Or someone needing to recover


It’s the art they create when that ball of ink or stick of led dances on the canvas they so perfectly prepared.
And when the end result and their purpose become perfectly paired.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

" Cut yourself"

Just a cut
Just a scratch
"What's that mark?"
"It was the cat."
Just an excuse
Just a lie
"What's with all the bracelets?"
" Just fashion, why?"
Just a tear
Just a scream
" Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream."
But it's not just a cut, or a tear, or a lie
It's 'just one more' until you die

I'm jealous of the rain
It gets close to you
Closer than I ever will
It touches your skin
It combs your hair
It comes when you're sad
It stays when you're happy
I love you but you don't love me
So I say
I'm jealous of the rain

From here to you I say
Writing is your healing,
Never let it get away.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

there is freedom in isolation,
in being idle and invisible
where one could sit in muteness,
swim widely in dusk and ask,
"Am I really here,
if no one is around to see?"
a different kind of suicide

there is pleasure in being a shadow,
in pretending you don't exist,
to avoid acting like you do

to pretend you are not matter
so you don't have to try to matter
and face the probability that
you don't

solitude isn't a time for me
to let myself free
but rather a time to free myself
from who I am

outside the confinement of company,
I am anyone and anything,
I am someone else, somewhere else
I am alive,
but I am no one
I am alone

An Expiration Date.
Best before
is not worst after.

But mine was 25 years ago.




An Expiration Date.
Mine was 25 years ago.

But best before
is not worst after.

Because the earth’s round
Doesn’t mean it’s  having a ball.

Because waves crash
Doesn’t mean that they aren’t in control.

Because the sea is deep
Doesn’t mean that it’s thoughtful

Because land meets the sea
Doesn’t mean that they agree

Because you float my boat
Doesn’t make me the captain.