ever feel so lost
you didn't even see the arrows
that's right in front of you

Losing my hair
Losing my mind
Losing all sight
Of what I want
down the line
Sanity, I fear
Is not something
I'm ever meant to find

Somniferous clouds
Of amber green smoke;
Trees in the fog,
Or rocks in the stream.

Delicate ripples of sound
Disturb the silence,
Like a gentle breeze
Among the evening birds.

As the waves roll in
The tide slides out,
Nursing me into the depths
Of healing darkness.

When I was in the JVC
Daniel Berrigan wrote back to me

I think you are on a good way, he said
I discussed Nhat Hanh's poetry

I have stumbled and often fallen
The bipolar tormentingly

But I plan to see this through to the end
Fr. Berrigan, pray for me.

                  prophetic-mystically

i downed the bottle
and it doesn’t burn my throat
going down anymore
but all these thoughts are burning my soul
until i turn to ash
and there’s nothing left of me to love
~e.m

Let the rain fall down today
My mind is asking for it
I won't do anything today
Drip the raindrops, drip it!

I will be walking alone in the wet grove
But if I see someone there in the rain
Then I'll stop walking on the narrow path
and I'll take a look at her,
If she blushes at me then I'll smile too!

I will sing the song along with
the wet leaves of the green forest.
The smile blooms on my face
when those leaves will be shy
And I'll enjoy them in the raindrops!

Today has no bindings
to walk in this rainforest
Here I don't want any company
These long trees will be my friends.
Today I am the king of this green forest!

the day a poet  
falls in love with you
is the day
you know you will live
forever
not in life
but in the love
that your poet
could never seem to
grant
themselves
but will
give you
all of

The act of not believing;
not believing in one’s actions,
or participation,
in a world that preexists
the conflicted Self.

we are all born
with dreams that have a
expiration date
but some expire
before others

Esther Krenzin

I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she tells me it is my destiny,
and it is all in the email she sent me.

I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she possesses many Riches,
and she has promised me all of them.

I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
from her wretched uncle,
who will steal her wealth and lock her away.

I would save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
but she only needs my Government ID,
Bank Account and Social Security.

I didn’t need this city to create magic.
I needed me - fully unleashed, raw and unapologetic.

LA was just the place I finally allowed that to manifest.

I don't think
I am capable
of breaking someone's
heart,

because I know
too well
what it is like
to have one.

I wear my smiling mask
But when it's dusk
I take it off
All I see is flaws
It's alright,
I am used to it
Wet spots cover the mask
I can not take it anymore
I am revealing myself,
Please make it stop

Today I tried to run away
I did not have success,
The road was long,
The day too hot,
I fear I look a mess.
My long hair quite in disarray
My clothing, loose and free
People cry and point and try
to run away from me.

My last dying breath

Was your dramatic sigh

I enjoy being crazy,
It's fun,
Releases tension.
10/8/2020

just a little vase
empty
on a walnut table
waiting
for a single stem
of anything

fill me,
I crave
something
pretty

"I need a brand new diamond ring"
she said while out loud crying
I said "it will our wallets sting
let's not be diamonds buying"

she said "then get me a necklace
forget about this ring"
i said "lets try to be less reckless
true love don't cost a thing"

she said "your philosophy i don't understand
who made you Aristotle ?"
then i saw why a diamond is a girl's best friend
and a husbands is a bottle

eyes alike
                       astronomical object
which

    s
        h
             i
                 n
                      e
                          s            ­ from


                                                      f
  ­                                 a
                   r

        
         c  o  s  m  i  c   g  a  l  a  x  y  ,

        the   s  u  n   and   m  o  o  n
                        became

                              e
                              n­
                              v
                               i
                              o
                              u­
                              s

           and   r  e  f  u  s  e  d   to

s             h                 i                   n                  e

                               even in a

l                    m                                     d
    a                    a                               u
       r                      g                       o        
         g                       e                 l
            e                        l          c      
       ­                                  l
                                     a                    
                                 n
                             i                              
                      c

        ­               i can tell that

                               you're
                                    r
                    ­               a
                                    r
                         ­           e

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

I have the worst habit:

swallowing life experiences
instead of savoring them

then afterward,
when my teeth are clean,
thinking, “That’s it.”

And wanting ever more.

Our magnum opus
Love shared with you, God's best art
Heaven's lone Monet

and we
won't just
  survive
    but we'll
      thrive till
        we're five
           and make
              peace with
                 our hearts
                     till we're
                         feeling
                              alive
                                   and my
                                        puppy-
                                               eyed
                                                     lover
                                                            will talk
                                                                   to the
                                                                          sky and
                                                                               we'll drift
                                                                                      through the
                                                                                              night till
                                                                                                      we're free

I’m addicted to the feel of cold metal sliding across bare flesh
Addicted to the instant
when nothing marks smooth skin
immediately before
red rivers rapidly rise
painting a once white canvas
with a flood of emotion,
tears on my cheeks,
sobs caught in my throat,
numbness replaced by pain & sadness.
Addicted to the imperfection
of red welts and dotted scabs that follow,
fingers drawn like magnets
to the texture of healing skin,
tracing over and over and over now fading ridges
Amazed that I am strong enough
to heal myself over and over and over.
Convincing myself that I am strong enough.
I find strength in my weakness.

What kind of monster
builds a girl up so high
and tells her she can fly
only for the girl to realize
after she jumps
her wings are only fiction
and the the ground
is a lot harder than it looks
-JRM

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.