loving you was
late night drives
iced coffee and fries
laughing on your bedroom floor
new places
fingers intertwined
ruthless gossips
putting me on a pedestal
second guessing
bathroom breakdowns
kissing bottles and strangers
tossing myself to sleep

Knee to the neck
Face in the asphalt
Only in America
"Well, it must be the Black's fault!"

"Listen to the police,
...and what they're insisting!"
Floyd said he couldn't breathe
And he wasn't resisting

"Don't commit crime
...and this won't happen!"
You racist motherf@$!er,
Have you no compassion?

Did you view the same
Recording as me,
And where did you develop
Your lack of empathy?

'Relieved of duty' isn't enough
It's the bare minimum
Do right by our brothers and sisters
And charge this f@$!ing criminal

Lock up Derek Chauvin
And the others involved
Until Justice is served
This won't be resolved

Dagwood spoiled by the sun on the outskirts of the meadow.
Tremulous reeds torqued in the bumble wind with rods of pollen
lilting into oblivion on a warm gust of meandering Spring.
Towers of Sky mount the hillocks of the world and daisies run.
I see regal turmoil and jubilant hemorrhage of Grace.
so many owls with wide eyes and earthworms dreaming of Mars…
You can almost be
as fragile
as a gnat of
Time.

And You Are.

I stopped writing

For awhile.

Because I found that when I write
It’s so real.
It’s like hearing back my own words from the lips of someone wiser

Not from a broken child,
But from a bitter miser.

i dreamed of you last night.
you smiled at me as you said

you wanted to be my knight.
you told me as i bled

there was no other light.
and i knew that ahead

there would be hate and spite,
but you and i were bred

for loyalty and might.
and i had been misled

by watching through the night
i must have been less alive than dead

to think that you might leave for fright.
as my legs were coated, blood-red,

i knew that you would hold me tight
as you gently kissed my head.

and as i sit up late to write
you will make sure nothing's unsaid.

stoking and stroking

very, very often, but not every day,
she wakes me with a tonguing
on my clean shaven heart,
I ask not why, lest it break the over ten year,
she be magic spelling, a hexagonal licking put on me

after
ten  years she gets cat curiosity bitten,
   asks me if I want to know the wherefore,
      pretend not to hear, re-awarded with an elbow
        between the ribs five and six, grunting me a ‘sure’
          (that’s a surly unsurely, no  not really)

“you don’t take care anymore enough of the body I embrace,
so I am my own your health plan, licking your chest cavern,
one of a defensive medley of many medical techniques,
stroking the heartstrings vibrato, stoking the hearth fire,
purely selfish you see, all I ask is you purr as you do,
lay still, accept my pill of vitae min no-calorie surgery,
for ten more years, let your heart be stirred,
keep the bad stuff excised, and let the desire of returning fire
of your taste buds, be forever for me...”

Pollution clearing.
Nature blooming out, birds sing.
It's a poet's world!

George pleaded for his life
begged to breathe, requested
the continuity of his own existence
before the lynch with a knee
on the commemoration day
of many lives that have burned in vain
violent resistance on detention
a fabrication out of desperation
when all they had was the sick joy
of seeing an innocence in pain
fell silent and motionless
once and for all,
and he too, has burned in vain.

do not let that be a fact.

Eric waits, and now
George too.

I'm not
lazy,

I'm just on
energy-saving
mode.

A smile has crept on my face

the room is breathing like space

where am I what is this place

sitting here thinking of you

and the things that we do

can I ask are we friends

is this only pretend

just please make it end

sitting here thinking of you

and my face feels like clay

obstructed views of today

please take it away

take a timeless filled trip

take some miracle whip

and now morning has come

no sleep has begun

no more songs to be sung

just me feeling dumb

sitting here thinking of you

I wish I had stayed in love with my wife,
I wish I had a different life
I wish I was a father to my children
I wish that I could be forgiven.

I’m a bird
which chases a kite
forgetting the thread
which guides it

I’m waiting for the day
my feathers would be wounded
by your thread
so that my eyes can glance
your magnificent face

I have kissed boys

Girls

People in between

But lately I have been kissing bottles

Their lips are colder than yours

But slowly I have realized that the pounding headache when I wake is less hurtful than the shattering in my chest

Yet as these toxins rush through my veins

I can't help but miss the tracing of your fingers along my skin

Miss the numbness of the world when you lie with me

But when I wake I remember that a headache is treated with an aspirin

While heartache

Well if you have a cure for Heartache let me know

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

It's not how much you say,
it's what you say that matters.

Rain
rain
rain
rain

From this pain
there's much to gain

The shape of mud
where I have lain

The monsters in my mind
I've slain

their rows of teeth will form my jagged crown.

In the end the purest flower grows
from earth where self-sacrifice is sown.

When your existence is weaponized
Your suffering legalized
Your revolution criminalized
But your ****** televised

Stop and think...
Maybe the world knows your worth
Wants to dim your light of pride
Make you forget your history
Force your greatness to hide

But never forget,
When the world was striking fire from stones
We were kings and queens of emerald thrones

I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

like water
I poured myself into her until she was overflowing at the brim

like reinforced steel
I bridged my heart to hers and welded myself to her soul

like the sun
I filled myself with light to cover her darkness

like a blanket
I shielded her from the harsh world underneath the covers

like magnets
I orbited her aura until we inevitably collided

like a seed
I felt myself growing up from her

Then, like an idiot
I could tell she felt nothing.

Hello, eyes.
You have burned before.
Does the glimmer of your gaze know the deep?  
Is the future forming?

Hello quiet eyes.
Are my insides shining?
Is that pool pushing me beyond reach?
You, I recognize.

Hello tiny door of adoring.
You will be my undoing.

Welcome, you piercing,
promising,
open eyes.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

i never used to smoke
but since you left,
it’s the only time i can seem to breathe

depression comes
like a roaring wave
to wash me away.