Laying in my bed curled up
Acid in my throat because I didnât eat
Clenching my fists around my blankets because I canât sleep
Are you thinking of me?
Laying in a tent, uncomfortably,
Snuggling close to your fluffy white dog or your younger brother to stay warm.
Are you missing me?
No. Not the way Iâm missing you
Youâre not thinking of me the way Iâm thinking of you
And though it means the world to me that a beautiful soul like yours is friends with a storm cloud like me, it shatters my heart into thousands of sharp, jagged pieces that youâre
~ just ~
my friend.
âIâm sorry but I need to know, is it mutual? Itâs alright if itâs a no, I can handle it, I just want you...to be honestâ
A pause...
Then the raindrop falls.
âRight now, itâs a noâ
Ripples.
Right now.
Right now.
Right now.
No.
No.
No.
STOP.
I care about you so much, I know I need to let you go, so you would never read this, and I would never show anyone this.
Itâs all swirling around in my chest, faster and faster until it explodes, word ***** and tears.
I love you.
I didnât tell you I loved you, only that I had feelings for you.
Why bother? It wouldâve made things more painful for me, more bitter for you.
But I canât show you this.
I donât want you to change.
I donât want you to change the way you speak to me, to change your mind when youâre about to type a heart emoji,
to stop yourself after just saying âgoodnightâ and leave out the âbabyâ
This is my undoing, not yours, and I want you to keep letting me be your anchor, your shoulder, your shield, my open arms waiting to catch you when you tumble from your flight.
I canât keep loving you, I canât stop loving you.
I want to stop feeling at all.
Thank you all so much for all your compassion and the amazing comments. Your kindness brought me to tears. Iâd send hugs and healing (if I could) to those of you who commented because youâre experiencing the same thing right now, and I promise you, even though it hurts like **** now, it does get better.
