you know the phrase
"Like a breath of fresh air,"?
you're that.
To me, you are my childhood.
A reminder of a simpler time.

Waiting for the paint to dry
I want to start a fresh page
but if I do not give this one its time
it will bleed on to the next
It will lose parts of itself and
imprint where it does not belong
Patience is a virtue, perhaps this is why

Sitting alone looking out at the grey
Another raining draining dreary day
Thinking bout when we kissed
and the opportunity missed
Because neither of us knew what to say

I am dramatic, manic-depressive, bipolar and a master of my own emotions. Trauma is an old friend of mine. I am used to be abandoned, people being charmed by my personality, people thinking that I am insane and my closest friends not knowing what to do with me. I can't turn off my emotions trust me I have tried in my past many times. I can't be emotionless but I can act like I don't care which is close enough. I will stay away from people when I feel bad and by bad I mean like pressure to the back of my eyes, world spinning, can't breathe type of insanity.
I am used to being insane but the affect my insanity have on people is different for everyone in my life.

we can't go back
to where we were
but please know
that silence carries
happy memories and
wishful dreams
for a life i want to share ...
even when i say
nothing at all

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

This is a world
And it's not cold
It is warm and gentle

And I have so many friends
And I fell in love with Todd again
My family is nice and we all love

I am faithful and I love myself
I am a thankful optimist
And I have a drive everyday
A will to through all of it

In my fake life

613 200 Hours
25 550 Days
13 Cars
11 Jobs
9 Dogs
6 Surgeries
5 Children
4 Grandchildren
3 Marriages
2 Siblings
1 Weary soul.
No regrets.

wish I could share

with one or two

but that won’t do

would take a miracle

to explain
understand
and refrain

From just letting it all break free

getting the block

Would you please?

I don’t want to
Open my mouth
Because I’m still afraid
The truth might come out
And if it does
If it really breaks free
You’ll see what I am
You’ll see the true me
The one I hide
With jokes and lies
I’m a terrible person
All jokes aside
You don’t seem to know it
You don’t seem to see
Even a glimpse of that person
That I know to be me
I’m such a good actress
I hide it so well
Cover it with a laugh
And you’ll never tell
You see depth in my eyes
You see love and emotion
But what would you see
If I ever did open
I can’t bear to find out
I can’t bear to show
The me you don’t see
The me that I know
If I let it out
If I let it be
I know for a fact
That you would hate me.

There were people in every room
Inthe hallway
In the street
There was no where safe
No escape
No secret harbour
Nothing
Eventually he found an alleyway
Wonderfully empty
Until he noticed the human canvas
Sitting crosslegged in the corner
That's the day he painted his first masterpiece
Thats the day that he met me

To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.

And they run, and they run,
And they never look back
And they fight, and fight, and fight
But there's no glory, nor victory
And they all die

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

So many poems
and stories
have gone unwritten
due to fear of not being good enough

I saw you
Through the screen
On that second
Why did I think
It was meant to be

Now read from bottom to top.

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I write because it literally saved my life ...

I found myself in a dark place where the light never seemed to exist
A place where I was convinced I couldn't escape from

I write because that's when I actually feel understood

Writing feels better than just hearing "I'm sorry ", "I wish I could help" or just getting that blank stare they give you when they are trying to care

I write because this is how I understood myself finally

With age cracks appear

With age cracks appear
On the skin and within.
The map outlined
In my palm was
There at the beginning.
I can only express
What I was given
Feels like excess,
When some are
Doing it tough and
Enough is much.
So when it bleeds
Through, when I hold
A leaking colander,
And as I breathe in
Lost time and a
Razor blade presses
On my skin,
Let me remember
To blame no one.
We cannot pretend
That every fine wine,
Every line, does not
Come to an end.

Harald Edwin Pfeffer 24-7-2021

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I met a woman
brutal in her mercy.

Her embrace was a clinch
to prevent hard blows.
She pulled me close to push me away.
Seeing my nakedness
she leant me a dream
of chainmail and shield.
Taking love from me she gave a reprieve
to a mind resigned to the slow death of feeling.

Ignoring my words she heard
my faint silent heartbeat and
understood that it was music
too quiet for the world to hear
and turned it up louder
than I could stand.
I wept in my deafness
as she danced.

Maybe I could dance
To try to forget your pretty face
Cause you’re the only thing I think of
Every day
Every hour

I wonder why
You have such power
What was it
That made me fall so hard?

Maybe it’s that smile
It’s hard to forget
Getting tattooed into my mind
No matter what I do
I find everything leads back to you
Do you think of me too?

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

You can sit around
and hope that time
solves the puzzle,
or you can put
yourself back together.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

walk alone
be free and dream
heart and mind
open

i will never look at you the same,

nothing about you makes me sane.

i lost so much to your name.

blankets of time snowing over

things you tried to tame.

i have written for years

but the one that cant hear

is in front of a mirror.

i lived years for the guilt,

manifesting all the things that I felt.

until i lived for goodbyes,

and a way to get lost.

Catch you on the
Blindside where your best
Tricks await me to take the wind
Right out of my sails and
Bait me to anger

You must not consider or
Really even think about or care
About my feelings but
You say you do and
Insist it is so
And so this
Makes
Sense in
Your world

That place where I’m searching
For your attention and reeling from
Condescension and the
Rejection created by
You and your priorities
Or is it the delivery
of your goodbyes
I don’t know
Anymore

I swear to God
(Please help me)
I was about to write a
Happy poem about
Signs and Wonders
Summer’s Cauldron and
Other delights — even
This morning with the waning gibbous Moon, as She likes to keep company
With the rising Sun — these few days a month their romance blooms

Like ours — there are moments
Even a ******* foundation, baby
You said so yourself and I
Don’t understand, never
Did get your way of
Negotiating
Connections
And I’m
Heartbroken
Today like a teen-
Aged girl who doesn’t yet
Know that this is the constant
State of Love, no fleeting passage of
Pain and whimsy tantrums like the
Ones well-fed toddlers have —
Those meltdowns the
******* likes of
Which you’ve
Never
Even
*******
Seen

Don’t worry, though, apart from
A few brutal texts to you to threaten
You with my venom and lies
You won’t hear from
Me I can’t dwell
Here in this
Bubble of
Nonsense
And Hurt
I’ll go to
No place
And be
Nobody
Again
Yes, ******* again
For the
Livelong Day

between you and me,
i'm still rooting for us.

maybe not in this lifetime,
but in the end.