I feel like an old pair of trousers left in a drawer
only brought out when you’re desperate cause you don’t want to be left naked
vulnerable in your knickers
better than nothing
I don’t fit what you want anymore
but you don’t fit me
so let me be in my drawer
I’ve got clothes for company
they don’t wear me out
whilst I keep them warm

Now there were two of them
Separated between thousands
of read texts and timely
chats touched by sound
but not skin  
Awake in the others sleeping
Sleeping in the others awake  
Restless as they wait
Restless as they wait

In the morning when I wake
And the sun is coming through,
You fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you
Shall I write it in a letter?
Shall I try to get it down?
You fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out
Can I be close to you?

Can I take it to a morning
Where the fields are painted gold
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?
When the evening pulls the sun down,
And the day is almost through,
The whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you

you were the bad dream
I never wanted to wake up from.

Like the horse
Has his rider,
The moon
Has it’s sky,
So a man
Has his loneliness,
Mistaken as pride.

When I was a child,
I was taught poetry wasn't mild,
It was deep as the sea,
And it seemed truly unachievable for me.
I was taught poetry had to rhyme,
Every single line, every single time.
So poetry seemed out of my reach,
Like chasing a seagull down a beach,
Jumping ever so slightly away,
Or soaring into the sunny day.

So I never thrived for what I thought would,
No, Could
Never be.

I guess now I'm fixing the mistakes of past me.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Life may be hard
But at least I have you
You make me smile
When skies are grey
The moment we touch
Problems fade away
No matter what you’ll always be
The best thing I’ve ever known
I can’t promise to make it all better
But you won’t have to face it alone

Pink is dangerous  
black is evil
white.......is peace and evil  
and love is white
Love is also pink

Lofting in the breeze
Her scent, So subtle
An Intoxicating allure
Hints of Rose and lavender
For my love, she's the cure

Her supple red lips, plump and ready
A most delicate treat
So luscious, so beautiful
Eagerly awaiting for
Both of ours to meet

Her eyes, so bright, so deep
Gazing with everlasting affection
So deeply entranced, encapsulated
In our powerful connection
So close now, I see my reflection

Her skin, so ripe, so smooth
So lustrous and silky
My longing for you
does not make me guilty
Truly a masterpiece, a work of art
I've fallen in love
Never again shall we part

One letter can make you remember everything
And lead you to regret
Ever wanting the acknowledgment
Of what you never did fret

Take me back to when it didn’t matter
When I was an adventurous explorer
In a jungle wide
When I was younger
and never knew what next
When life went my way

Take me back to my bewilderment
Before my life went astray
Take me back to my ambitions
When life was as a mission to be played
Like soaring through the midnight sky
And blowing stars out like candles
When I could look at life
And say that it was easy
It was easier not for me to see.
It was when the joy of a single day
Could fill a lifetime of todays

But it seems as we get older,
The envelope gets stamped,
The shuttle falls out of orbit,
The nighttime fades to day,
And before you were ready to send the letter,
It evaporates into thin air
And the chance you had not taken
turns to sail away.

Andrew W.
1-28-20

sunny daffodil blooms
are still months away,
maybe that's a good thing
if you know what they say.

you can't swallow poison
if there's nothing to eat,
you can't be a victim
if you retreat.

you can't see the cracks
in the mirror that spread
if you stay locked up
within your own head.

try to travel
make good thought
and get a wealthy marvel
good heart deserves to be fought
by your heart and mind

and if it was all
just a dream

     that could be true
     but in each heartbeat
     I still feel you

I crave death quietly;
a cotton blanket caressing me;
this life is one not meant to  
be.

Death, I would not seek you out,
but if you asked me for a dance,
I would.
Because I know without a doubt
Death would be another chance.

Your hips you throw to the tempo
Island special coco loco with some mango
dancing away into the night you shimmy while we tango

I spin you and you tiptoe across a rainbow
A 1-2 combo is where I plateau but you speed up like espresso, paint the dance floor like Van Gogh, just say the word and let’s go

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

Umbrella stop this pain, of cold wet rain
Soaking through, and causing pain
Protect me from this cold, and stagnant rain
So I may heal, protected by the Umbrella
Vane.

© 2020  Carol Natasha Diviney

A puzzle I am
You wont figure me out
A puzzle I am
You will not find all my pieces
A puzzle I am
You wont put me back together
A puzzle I am
You see the broken, tattered pieces
A puzzle I am
You did never solve

Un grillo è atterrato sulla mia mano
si è fatto vedere e poi è ripartito
con un balzo velocissimo è sparito
era nero lucido e grande.

is this where
pain comes from

the unsettled mind
asking unanswerable

questions

millions of nasty neurons
twisting and turning

around each other
creating knots

blocking the flow
so all I can feel

is the constant need
to stretch myself

I'll stay and mend the world for you
And take care of the pain if you want me to

I'll fill the cracks with your favourite words
And keep you in shape when the world is not

I'll provide you with laughter when you're running low on joy
And advice on the heavy days

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

some                   I
     say                     call
           it's                   It        
                poetry.          oxygen.


I write, therefore I am.

I'm not stable enough for love
I'm not kind enough for love
I'm not worthy enough for love
I'm not ready for love
Lord please save me
I don't feel human
I don't have strength
I don't belong
I don't want to live
I'm nothing but depressed
A lost case
A piece of work
A damaged ex
Will I ever turn my life around?
And see the world differently?
Like it's meant to be
Like I have a destiny
Like anyone wants me
To be here

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

The stars reek out dim lights under the cool night,
The birds flee away as a cool breeze blows by;
Deep inside he knows, this is the last night of his life.
Deep breath in, none coming out,  
As the scary, sedentary silence in the air cries.

An escape, from the devils in campus leaving ferocious marks on his flesh, forcing him down,
An escape, from the disappointing stares coming from his parents after receiving his papers, making him drown,
Most importantly, an escape from his miserable self, one with a broken heart, locked in a suffocating jar.
He was the missing puzzle, unable to find himself, desperate to, but unable to fit in.

He is tired from being tired, afraid from being afraid,
And so he ended this cruel nightmare, finding himself unable to wake up again,
As he spreads his wings, flying to the unknown territory above, soaring onto new heights.