Dear self,
In losing you

Days seem blurry
Nights seem scary

Heart grows weary
Eyes turn teary

I lost the merry
I lost the power to write my story

I don't know-how
to
change a flat tire,
but
that fact doesn't make
me
any less of a
man.

Her eyes were fiery
While her lips peeled away
Her sun was setting
But her colors never fade
When she bites she is bitter
But when she smiles she is sweet
Like a nectarine emblem
She’s the fruit of life’s tree.

I gave you my laughs
I gave you my cries
I gave you my days, my nights
My moon, my clouds
I showed you myself in the simplest act
A second worth more than centuries
Our silence, infinite
Don't you know me?

I want to sail like Odysseus, and
Traverse land and ocean.

I want to learn new languages,
Experience new cultures like Gulliver.

I want to get out of my depth,
Go around the world like Mr Fogg.

I want to reinvent myself and become a sensation
Like the Count of Monte Cristo.

My thirst for adventure grows,
As my view of society diminishes.

Is it love?
  No; just imagination.
magical creations; of a longing heart
and ardent passion, burning of desire; wanting.
Only to find disappointment;
Heaven on earth ceased to exist,
    for death tore the veil which shrouded my heart.
which shrouded my eyes; that made me blind.
Now that the spell is lifted, I fall to the ground,
and curse this ʟᴏɴɢɪɴɢ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ.

'Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.' —Cesar Cruz

Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame

Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face

Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate

Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place

Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate

Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create

Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced

He asked her what it's like living with anxiety.

She smiled sadly, "It's a never-ending pulse-race. Like knowing you don't want to jump off a cliff but not being able to talk yourself down from it.

Your fears take on a nebulous, unidentifiable form that tightens around your throat and incapacitates you.

There is no calm. No peace. Only the edge of a very strained thread."

I woke up from a nightmare
I could not stand to keep
to myself

you were stretched across the couch
coffee going cold on the table
a half finished cigarette
still burning

you wrapped me up
in kind words that
I could not bare
to hear

whispered into my ear
"one day we will go wandering
and this tiny house will overspill
with dreams'

you are not your memories, darling
you are not the bad things
that have been done to you
you are a fierce flame
that warms my heart

forget them, my love
they are nothing
and you, and you
are everything

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

I wonder if I really am kind hearted.
Most people think it’s true,
But maybe I’m just afraid of being mean-
Maybe I’m afraid of being you.

I'll give it one more day. One more time.
One more step. One more try. One more smile. One more laugh. One more hug. One more kiss. One more shot at happiness.
Just in case the next one
is the one that matters

There’s so much noise
Inside my head
The constant buzz
Unending dread

I keep on turning
In my bed
Twisting and thrashing
Thoughts run ahead

There’s so much noise
Inside my head
The constant buzz
It doesn’t end

no one loves me
but they claim they care
if they really did wouldn't they see

i am falling apart
fragile to the touch
yet they keep on pushing me

closer to the edge
and they think i can take more
so they push farther till i'm at the brink

it's like they know i can't swim
but they are going overboard
and they'll be suprised when i sink

In time..

You will learn to forgive yourself..
for  all  the reasons  why
  you think you need
  to forgive yourself.

The blame,  and shame
placed in to you
was done  in the most  
horrendously unfair way..
when you were  at  such a
tenderly-young,  
and impressionable age.

It  was  your  v u l n e r a b i l i ty
that was so horribly cashed in on.
The greatest horror of all
was the shame and blame
that you were forced  to carry..

as if it was your own doing..


   It    Was    Not.

My days are gone, wondering,
I am alone,
terrain full of thoughts, lost,
I’m
dying of thirst in the
want of life.
Nothing more to weep for,
I’m dying

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

I
kept
dead flowers
in a vase

they
reminded me
of you

Just suppose
Now
Is everything

lights flicker
in the distance
far far below

I’m here
looking down on it all
wrapped in a blanket
a book lies next to me
pages flipping themselves
in the cool summer breeze
inside are the sounds of life
outside are the sounds
of the questioning
the air is filled
with random notes
fluttering around me
like guardian angels
I know why they’re here

darkness
sat down
next to me
to keep me company
we look at the flickering lights
in the distance
he tells me
you’d do fine down there
if you wanted to
be a light
surrounded by light
but then he shifts his gaze
the moonlight
dancing through his being
but you’d do great
up there
be a light
where no one has dared to be
and with that
he left

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

When a thing is done
as a means to an end
Any meaning that thing might have had,
Is ended.

Doing the right thing,
for the wrong reasons,
brings much worse calamity & destruction
Then doing a cataclismically wrong thing,
For all the right reasons.

When we do right, with cruelty & Ill Intent
Lifetimes are spent covering it up.
When we do wrong, with pureness of heart
Lifetimes are given to making it right.

The 1st is paid for with Blood,
The 2nd with Spirit
And both eventually come due.

The World we are living in today
Is that time...

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

we do not write poetry
we write mirrors
which are held up
to curious faces
who read
looking for their
own reflections

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Sorry,
I love myself more.

Weary traveler
Tempered by
So many countless
Faces die
No more to roam
In search
The earth
Has ever been
My home
Since birth
But lately
It seems all too distant
Of some end times
Reminiscent
Nothing new begins
Nor blooms
The ardent activist
Entombed
Exhumed
In years to come
A relic
Of his trips
Through psychedelic
Delving into
Coalescence
With machine's
Planned obsolescence
My transcendence
Just pathetic
Condemnations
To hermetic

Saw it all,
One last time...
Slowly, pressed "DELETE"
Swore to myself,
This mistake shall not repeat.

But I know, you know
I was bluffing.

It happened again.
I saw it all one more time,
One last time.
But this time, my hands don't tremble
I press not slowly, but swiftly "DELETE"
And I know, for sure,
It won't repeat.