I miss you like the December earth
      Misses the sunlit rays on a cloudy day
Cold for you I yearn each dawn
      And churn and burn as the aching Pacific waves
A crashing hope upon wishes bent
      At 11:12 my world set straight  
And all that a man can do is wish
      That this will be the fated day
You walk into my life
      And stay

Corded muscles of the neck ferry the voice of sky,
Charon of words adrift in a salivary dislocated sine,
A fracture of breath, the stenciled rowing of a sigh.
Psychopomps of moonlight, past-throated vultures,  
Carrion of clouds even if stripped clean in vulpicide,
Even if our scorched and coining tongues tip at stars.

i thought i could let you go,
yet you pour out of me
each time i pick up this pen.
i guess i just wanted
to love you
a little
l o n g e r.

she’s vulnerable
flesh carved out of velvet
blood as thin as water
mind as malleable as clay
it appealed to you, this softness
of touch in the morning
of voice in your ear
of bleeding heart beating
you sought it out
her hair as soft as silk
the sunshine off her sternum
her mouth parted and wet
she’s beautiful
the way she fits with you
her hand wrapped around your own
her laughter filling your silence

but without warning,
her soft touch turned to
a million bugs underneath your skin
her voice melted into
the shrillest sound at night
her vulnerability withered into
a weakness you couldn’t escape
you tried to let her down gently
as gently as she let you in
but you misstepped
and let her destroy herself.

you
not the flower but
the bee kissing
rosebuds, making
living things
bloom

you
no sunrise on
mountains but
the sun
herself, every
flame burning fierce
sploding gainst
the sky

you
not an ocean but
a stream softly
babbling
and rescuing
us,
the lonely
the lost

you
not forever
but tragically
temporary
and every
moment
you are here
i will be
what i am -
the pollen,
the planets,
the wanderer,
the poet -
dedicated to
loving
you

The sun or agony
Who will rise first in my eyes?


21.4.18
Yogyakarta | Haeml;c

He: And we‘ll have a house near the ocean and we‘ll both renovate it every year
She: I can‘t wait to live with you
He: I can‘t too, be right back, gonna grab a soda

last online: 7 years ago

“We are poets.
  We don’t cry,
  We bleed on paper”

Fifty and
so much
My dad
The Mac
Hyde Park
Oz and Cali
UK and Spain
Upstate downtown
There you go
There you are

Red, red, burning red

Die alone and never cease to dread

Red, red, burning red

Burn in hell and don't seek an answer to when

Red, red, burning red

Cry yourself to sleep until God says you to tie your neck with a thread

Red, red, burning red

Let your hatred never be given a chance to spread

Red, red, burning red

Thee hope you never dare run from the promised prospect

Red, red, burning red

Bleed to death and don't dare to flee just yet

Because oh, red, red, burning red

We will never let you sleep that comfortable in your bed

Red, red, burning red

Don't ever let yourself think you were forgiven for the damage that you made...

The point of all this
Isn't to be happy
I realize that now.
So I ask
What is?

arms wrapped around me
as neon crimson floats through the air
crowd swaying back and forth
fain smell of cigarettes and liquor
beer spilt on the venue floor
sticky beneath our feet
i lost an earring
i can't remember why i was so upset

embracing

that is what i miss the most

who do i have to embrace now

what embraces me now
but silence?

soft water
hard stone

tender heart but wild and over grown

maybe one day
ill learn to let go

A poet is no more than a person
A mother
A daughter
A lover  
Someone needing release
Or someone needing to recover


It’s the art they create when that ball of ink or stick of led dances on the canvas they so perfectly prepared.
And when the end result and their purpose become perfectly paired.

I want someone to know me well enough
That they know when I'm actually tired
Or when I'm just saying it to hide behind

After all the pain
I can't help but think
Is it truly worth it?

sitting here watching
the sun go down

waiting for the shadow
that waits for me

She takes the stand
With the voice of millions on her back
And speaks the fact that we all know,
far too well to be true -                  
                                           Me too.

She is heard but not believed,
She is heard with faith deceived .

When will it be enough -
Is one in six not enough ?
Is one sister, one friend
still - not enough?

one colleague, one mother, one wife, one lover -
one teacher, one doctor, one preacher, one author -
one husband, one son, one brother.
Which one will it take, to stop
the non-consensual clock
and make us realise that -

Time. Is. Up.

I'm jealous of the rain
It gets close to you
Closer than I ever will
It touches your skin
It combs your hair
It comes when you're sad
It stays when you're happy
I love you but you don't love me
So I say
I'm jealous of the rain

Wala ba akong karapatan mapagod?
Rinig na rinig ko ang hiyaw ng aking kaluluwa
HIGA KA, HIGA KA, HIGA
PIKIT KA, PIKIT KA, PIKIT
IDLIP KA MUNA, KAIBIGAN
Gustong-gusto ko, pero hindi pwede

Dinadaan ko na lang sa tula ang kapaguran ko
Dinadaan ko na lang sa tula ang sakit
Dinadaan na lang sa biro at libog
Sa halakhak at ngiti
Sa mga sigawan at kwentuhan
Sa kalungkutan at panloloko sa sarili
Ito'y ang aking araw-araw

HIGA KA, HIGA KA, HIGA
PIKIT KA, PIKIT KA, PIKIT
IDLIP KA MUNA, KAIBIGAN
Kay sarap isipin
Kay sakit marinig
Pero sana'y makahiga, pikit, at idlip rin

At kahit minsan sana'y
Maramdaman ko ulit
Ang tunay na kapayapaan

I am distracted by the notion
of love
and a little hope
and everything
in between

It's a little late for
A smile
It's a little late for
A mile

You promised
Or
Maybe I did
That the sun
Would always shine
In
Both of our eyes

You're a tad quick
With your pick
You're a bit knicked
With your tick

But I love you
Just the same
There's no reason
I wouldn't have came

Walk toward a dead poet
Mirror
Expose of a soulless
Exhibitionist

Praying
One day

They'll have a soul

They believe

Is not worth

Remembering.

from time to time i go blind
remember?
the one time?
i looked at you and felt jealous.
i didn’t realize
and wouldn’t have
hadn’t you told me that
you did the same
looking my way
at the same time.

and isn’t it sad
and hard to explain
as it is to understand
two mirrors
face-to-face can
see bright as day, all
then their own rays,
black.

And as I woke up

I saw a flower
weeping in
the golden
morning hues

It reminded me
O beloved
of the time when our
love used to blossom
As innocent as
innocence ever could be
and now through
each passing day
I feel it withering away

Dear God, it’s me, lonesome
The only friends you give to me
End up leaving shortafter
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, anxious
You tell me everything that could go wrong
And tighten my chest, make my breathing unsteady
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, depressed
You give me so many good things
But even more to ruin my happiness
What did I do?

Dear God, it’s me, Reagan
I can’t figure out what I did
To make you want to throw the worst my way
Please tell me, what did I do?

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

When my hunger is no more.
And when all is numb,
when the snow below my feet is nothing more,
than mere ice.
My eyes close at once.
Everything is dark.
And soon, I am a pile of snow.