White, black, green, and red,
Waving a flag.
Let the world know
There is a right to be alive—
The people of Palestine have,
In their own olive land.

dead in the night
all alone
dead inside

eyes wide open
glued to the ceiling
gone all mental healing

all the overthinking
praying for redemption
followed by slow blinking
for shame, i'm left with feelings of abnegation.

(A throw-back piece, a breakup poem from high school)

What a lonely, peculiar, eccentric figure I must be. A girl, in a garden, crying at an iPad, in the dark.

Earlier, at school...

It was a clear spelling out, like steel cuts thru fruit.

As he spoke, he looked down and away, his gorgeous face blank and indifferent, as if I were wasting his time or he was talking to a child needing an obvious truth taught quickly.

When he finally looked back at me, I saw no pity in his impersonal, hazel eyes.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I needed time to contemplate the universe's new laws.

Can a girl just suddenly die of heartache?? because I was sure my heart had stopped, locked and frozen.

Finally, I gasped in this impossible new air—the force of it made me hold the cold-iron stair railing—the game is rough.

He's so—male—all chase and careless passion—intelligent teaser, a skilled steersman of excited climates... Oh, you simply have no idea.

And now he was, gone—still there physically—but gone to me—as if he'd transformed into a hologram or had begun to orbit some other sun, he just...

"You made me feel special." I said.

I had lost my balance on this faithless and unequal world, where heaven so cruelly punishes desires.

"You made me feel I mattered, such a favor." I said, absentmindedly, as I turned, and went back up the three steps into school.

I don't think I looked back at him as the door closed. After all, he wasn't there anymore.

I think he called my name, like a question...
.
.
Song for this:
Still Is Still Moving to Me (with Willie Nelson) by ***** & The Maytals
Helpless by The Cleaners From Venus

It is there
Under the splendid sun unwathered
The moon lights Kindle and rekindle
Under the stars stuck in repentance
Unlike their perpetuality
It is there
The urge to redraw myself
Into the reflection of others perfection
To be spun in accordance to what lies behind those shallow eyes
My complexity beyond compare
Not sincere
Am I the art or the painter?
Because I destroy myself so beautifully
A symphony sung and unsung all at once
Broken cords that heal themselves whole

the wind blew you away from me

You once told me
That we're bound to
Be star-crossed lovers
Ill-fated by the Norns
Doomed to fail from
The very start

And so we remain
Perfectly unfinished
A bittersweet loose end
Beautifully haunting the
Back of my mind to
The end of my days

If there was a time I actually felt good,
it was the birthday screams of birthday cake
As kids we are soft until the drill of wood
replaces our skin with a reality hard bake.

There's a rendezvous feeling,
that never came to meet,
and in this sink, I'm pouring
emotions into a fleet.

If I could wish upon a star,
skies would be glittering sweet,
but my dreams remain a-far
un-like rapid of drum beats.

L.oyal
            O.utstanding
                            V.aluable
                                          E.nchanting
these are a
                       few words
                                            that makes you
                    CAPTIVATING!!!
These are a few
                    things that keeps
                                  THIS RELATIONSHIP
HEALTHY!!!
                  HONESTY and TRUST is
                                             a definite MUST,
IF WE CAN'T WORK
                       Non that, then it
                                                        can't be
NO MORE  US!!!
               ALWAYS RESPECTFUL!!!
                                                                and COMMUNICATING!!!
                   EXHILARATING!!!
                                              EXCITING!!!
your LOVE is so
                       DELIGHTING!!!

                                        Your L.O.V.E. is so
                         INVITING!!!


B.R.
Date: 0/30/2023

I remember magic everywhere
As if the earth were newly cut open

I used to not think twice
But these things you can lose overnight

I used to be brave
But had no idea

There was so much love
But I was just letting go

Spring you mighty thing…
I'm down here looking up at you

I want to evaporate into your blue
Like rain
Good as new

I want to lay in the hands of death,
as my last breath fogs
the windows.

I want to be loved,
but love is a complicated thing
and I don’t know
if I deserve it.

I am tired.

Still,
I have decided
I want to live.

you told me i’d be better off.
i told you i was fine.
we lied,
but i kept the silence warm,
kept your name pressed
into the back of my mind,
like a bruise i didn’t want to heal.

i carried the ghost of us,
let it haunt every corner,
let it seep into everything,
because forgetting felt like losing you twice.

but i’m done now.
this is the last poem i write for you,
the last time i dress my pain up
to make it look like love.
you and i are dead,
and i won’t keep trying
to breathe life into a grave.

you told me i’d be better off.
i told you i was fine.
we lied—
but now i’ll tell myself the truth.

Our hands locked together
Perfectly
Our fingers fit each others
Perfectly
Our palms suctioned one another
As if God formed them meant
To entwine
Perfectly
Your touch bound with mine
Perfectly
And your kiss on my lips
Not perfect but built just
Right for each other
Perfectly
Your hands grazed on the leather
Just above my skin
Perfectly,
All this perfect
Yet you never were.

When evening came with rain,
I sat by the window.
Remembering your ever-smiling face,
I smiled with a sigh.
Suddenly someone pushed me,
And I noticed tears in my eyes.

primary progressive aphasia

”Oppressed by controlled by my feelings, I strive to escape them. Yet, if I succeeded I would not be as human as I yearn to be. Doing so, I would reduce myself to what others would call a villain, not a person who is trying to tear away the binds of life and set themselves free.”

The wind flutters your black cloak,
You smoke a cigarette
With a hand frozen from the cold,
The red fragments of your heart
Are piled beneath your feet,
You’re going nowhere
Because of your love’s hold.

Attracted to the broken
Like myself
I yearn to be fixed
To make amends
To feel once again
To wake up to my favorite person at my side
It’s not in the cards for me
And it wasn’t for you
So broken
No matter the repairs
I’ll never feel like new
Find me in a thrift store
Along with the other gems
Marked down due to being used

I'm doing a fundraiser for my softball team and if you want to help out please Venmo to here " @Bridget-Wagner-6 " it would help a lot thank you😁

cleansing drops of saline
weep over salvation's tome

brace my sails to brave an ocean
afraid I'll combust if I go home

Someone stained the sweater
So you soak it into the water
it's clean and wearable
that's how you feel

She wears you recklessly
and you remain calm
keep her warm
suffer the same stains
over and over

Acceptance
I'm a ball of yarn
no, that's not right
I'm a sweater to her
scarf for the mother
socks for the baby
hat for the lover
blanket for the stranger

Acceptance
A ball of yarn is useless
yet the strands come together
Grandma knits and knits and knits
and you find use
in comforting another

Could I be accepted
even when I am not a comfort
Always moving and improving
yet remaining the same to the ones I love
death comes for us all
and before it does
I want to live
To not be a means to everyone's end
To be selfish sometimes
And to feel loved
Don't you want to live
and still be accepted
(I do)
~M

Gunmetal grey skies
loose leaden teardrop tempests —
Lights in the window

Should you pardon my mistake if I were to comply,
On monstrosities that solemnly lie
In my soul,
In my shattered soul,

Admonished to partake,
This world I forsake,
And chirp over their cries,
For it's befit to realise,
Everything is bound to cease,
For none is there a release,
Dogma prevails over a soil to which tomorrow has no avail,
magnanimity subdued,
For our ******* ways has us all induced,
The way of life we have confused,
Authority is misused,
Enchant Misdemeanor craze,
Endeavour to earn,
Alas,
A salvation remains unlearnt,
Sea of hypocrisy and blood left awake,
A whim has lead me askew,
To simmer no hope,
To wilt In no lies,
To not be loved to conjure in a hearty demise,
"The earth is a blemished mess",
The sun sings to the skies,
Stuck in repentance the stars nod,
Bitterness espouses,
As i unearth in my creed,
A fabulous truth,
To which man pays no heed.

The Morning After I Took My Life
When my lungs released their final breath,
Silence embraced everything around me.
Clothes, makeup, bed, and phone—
All waited, unaware I had already left.

My dog wonders where I’ve gone,
But in paradise, I’ve begun.
A new life, away from it all.

My friends kept calling, kept checking,
Not realizing it was already too late.
The morning after I left,
The world started to notice me.

And in the quiet of this new dawn,
I don’t regret it.

I write poetry

to have
a conversation with myself
and with God
and you

to log
everything I see
and think
and feel

to expose
the lessons I was forced to teach myself
the prayers I learned for you
the wisdom you learned for me

to give
and less so to take
and therefore not to make
something of or for myself

only inevitability can be birthed--
with all the cries and wails
that arrive in sync with newness and life--
as I traverse the capacious cavern

inside and realize
to have it is
to log it is
to expose it is

To give.

our flaws shine out
why does that have to be shunned

Crows on wind-blown corn
citizens of winter

I woke up to a shrill scream,
I wondered if it was a dream
But it was only my wife screaming
At the sight of a spider invading
I ran towards her immediately
To **** it instantly
But she would not have any of it.
She just wanted me to take it out
For she was a merciful lady
And so I did take it out
To a place ever so shady.
We quickly drowned a few drinks
Within a matter of a few blinks
And I got to know him better
Even though he was a web building spider.
I found him to be a nice guy.
To be friendly I did try
He said he was a web designer
And we parted ways with a promise
To meet up sooner than later

I watch a stream it flows away from me
In a  little ways further down stream I
See the forest is bright in a a bright
Green Luminescence like a promise
But I do not wish to be There.  It is
So beautiful seeing it  where I am

why am I upset
that you've forgotten
I'm not your responsibility
in the first place