There's a hole in heart

A void in my mind

A deep desire for nothing but want

A need for something like fun

Adventure and thrills

Seekers and pills

Falling into a blackness

So dark I'm turning blue

Such stark it's only true

Helpless and innocent

Forgiving and iridescent

I bond with strangers

Act bold, I'm not the tamest

I am stuck, so stuck

I don't know how to get out of here

This place, this room, this hide

This mask, this facade,

This glass, this wall, this broken bridge

It is all burning up into flames

Watch it, sink

Down it goes deep into

Black Waters

- soulwriterj

Coloured women
Ethnic women
Asian women....

There is no
Better source
Of universal beauty
Than these
Goddesses.

Like the earth, I have a molten core,
Churning with unrelenting fire,
Simmering, wracked by violent waves of rage
That roil across deeper trenches of desire
Suppressed by such immense pressure
That I am afraid my heart will turn to iron,

If I do not break.
I can feel my tectonic plates shifting,
A subterranean shaking
That barely trembles my fingertips;
Escapes my lips
In the sweetness of a song
That was written as the suppression of
My screaming
All along.

But like the earth, my tranquil rivers curve towards the sea,
Masking these darker lakes of fury with the gentle babbling of pastoral streams.
And so I beckon you to sail with me,
Smiling, as if softly rocking beneath the moon is
All we’ll ever be.

You can’t see,
Below the darkened waters,
Under the soaking sands,
The mantles of myself that,
Like a wasteland,
On fire,
Will consume you in ways
I am scared that you won’t understand.

I can't lose you.
        You mean too much to me.
                   But the tighter I hold on.
        The more my hands begin to burn.

I love you.
I want you.

        But maybe, I need to learn to let go.
                  I don't want to, but as I look down at my raw, red hands.
                  I realize that the tighter I cling.
                  The more damage I cause.
I won't lose you.

But maybe,
you will lose me.

the count starts now (tired of tired)


I read your outcry at 3:00am
posted on Facebook

you are
tired of tired
sick of sick
the only question, will it ever end...

rise this day,  start another way...

count your blessing
count against all odds
for there are more than merely one

use both hands
both hands chested to feel the heart thrusting,
for living is a wondrous blessing unique
an unbelievable to believe than so many beats,
born and borne,
by you, a strength unequaled,
you a richness possessed

count that one first.
count my hands holding your shoulders.
count that as two, one for me, one for you.

more? more.  

mirror.  find the tiny light in each eye against a yellow backdrop.

add two more. for they are a sparking confidence of confirming.

you felt the heart thrumming
go back, feel the breathing warmth breaching forth.
add another. for now known you can never ever be cold.

wash the face, wash away the caution that sleep leaves,
the coverlet of fear that fears you not to dare,
amazing that tap water plain is sacred when it
miracle breaks you out and anoints thy forehead with pure oil like the kings of yore, be a kingly human being.

go out. do not return
until one act of kind is performed and
count that as a thousand blessed, a sum recurring recounted

walk humble and the path will always appear.
walk contented for you can be both king and servant,
there is no difference - you must be both to be the other
one.

and if you still cannot raise the head,
call me.
that would be a blessing for me
and I will hear your blessings sounds mine merge,
dear friend and no more stranger,
that is the simplest definition of our learning to count to
infinity

Do the stars
That we wish on
Ever wish
We were wishing
For them?

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

Alone
Sometimes peaceful
Sometimes loud
Sometimes sad
Sometimes good
Lonely is different
Lonely is bad
And scary
Can’t see, can’t hear, can’t breath,
Loneliness suffocates

It’s 3am
And I’m eating cereal in bed.
My thoughts wander
But always come back to you.
You’re why I can’t sleep.
You’re why sometimes I can’t breathe.
You’re why my cereal went soggy.

i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.

Green eyes stare at me
Through the hedge stop gravity
Deeply eye sting like a bee
Rising smile sweeter than honey
Every glance just drives me crazy
Coloring my world that won't stop going empty
Little me drowning in over sea
Just watching you here with a cup of tea
Cause i know everything i do, we'll never be we

I’m
       Falling
                     Down
                                  A
                                       Staircase
                                                        With
                                                                  No
                                                    Chance
                                             Of
                            Getting  
                    Up
Everything
                     Disintegrates
                                               I
                                                   Destroy
                                                                  Anything
                                                                                    I
                                                                       Touch

i was always behind you
and somehow it was enough;
loving you from afar

The days turn a bitter cold
Empty silence fills the air
Numbness envelops me
Lost in thought
Unable to inhale
Watching my last breath escape me
Entranced
Lost in the fable
Of how we used to be
Untouchable force
Expelling a light
Bright enough
to blind the world around us
Framed by a glass bubble
No one could *******
Besides you—-
You seeped through my skin
Found your home within my veins
Only to feel your demons
Sneak from beneath yours
Infiltrating us both
And the glass shattered
In perfect tune with my heart
The noise
A harmony of despair
As I realized I was no competition
I’d lost the battle before it had ever begun
Of the choices laid before you
I came second to only one
The dark mistress of your poison
The bottles on the bar
The call of the ice in the glass
The lure of a maniacal life
It’s all the same thing
At the end of the day I’m never enough
To keep you you coming back to me
Consumed by a world of fantasy
Where someday you’ll be royalty
And I am but a peasant
Worshipping at your feet
I am dismissed
In favor of illusions
I hope your illusions keep you warm

I've lost a piece of myself today
I've left pieces of me here and there
and maybe everywhere.
Can I rebuild myself?

A jagged piece is all that's left of me
It has sharp edges and cuts deeply
Don't mean for it to happen
Just trying to guard this last piece of me.

If I collect all the pieces I've lost of mine
Can I rebuild this broken heart in time?
Or I could leave every ripped off piece of me
and just guard the last, sharp, jagged piece and fly free?

Sometimes life feels like a rotary wheel
          a
     d        r
    n         o
         u
and
          a
     d        r
    n         o
          u
it goes.....
The spherical dichotomy fades into monotony
           c
      g           i
   i                  r
     n             c
            l
sdarwkcab into some dark fiction that has become the day to day
Waking to dr
                      op
Forwards between a repeat of the next second of last week
Where l-i-n-e-s of memory are /b//l//u//r/r/ed// making each moment a cons?ued mash up key details.
That take energy to pick a p a r t into some semblance of an existence.

Love, just love,
love poems that fall from my reach just to be read by you,
making butterflies appear in your stomach every little word,
my fingers tend to type,
and your existence, as beautiful...
no, more beautiful than the best love poem ever written,

existence that falling feet first fell into my life,
hitting my head with confidence and for the first time in a
while, sparks.

You being there ignited my will to live,
made me feel a better man,
you reading this poem
makes my heart beat faster
than my reckless driving.

Your smile and charismatic
soul gravitates happiness upon my life.

You existence is more beautiful than anything i could ever write,
That's why i love you so much.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

you gave me a word to hold onto
it got me through the night
felt nice for a while
but we both know this isn't right
keeping your distance is a crime
I know this by the hurt in my chest
someone's placed you here in front of
me as a torturing test
you've put a gun to my head and I'm asking to die
for the sake of being dead
what I would do for you to crawl out of her
and into my bed

Whipping through life on a path?
Some peaceful, some a wreck
Is your direction an intention
As the word, “destiny,” would imply?

Or is that notion just a lie?
To admit destiny
Means there’s One that destines
But is it so?

Is there a long hand of providence?
To push us to and fro?
Destiny wrecks atheism
Destiny destroys randomness

Destiny means direction
Destiny implies purpose
Here for a short while
Then gone...?  Where?

Does what makes a person
Disappear into netherworlds?
Or does it deposit
Into the hands of destiny?

The voice, the face, the presence
Each a piece unique
Never two the same
Was that the aim of destiny?

Or am I wrong?
Are we just random cells?
With no meaning
As we travel through this world

A clump of accidental cells
Headed straight to ****
But forgive me
That implies...destiny of these shells

Do you have control
Of your pitiful soul?
Or do you just pass through
With no destiny attached to you?

In lieu of abortion,
why don't women sell
the babies to the
church to auction off
at fundraisers..?

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

It's your birthday and I wanted to send you flowers.
But I didn't want to intrude on your little patch of glory.

Rain on me,
For I have been longing to be free.
Lost in my world, needlessly.

Rain on me,
For I am too tired and I need sleep.
This world is a herd and I cannot be its sheep.

Rain on me,
And show me the way.
This place is empty and I cannot stay.

Rain on me,
It has been too long.
I am sick and tired of pretending to be strong.

Rain on me,
I want to see the lightning pierce the sky.
As the thunder roars and the clouds fly.

Rain on me,
Let the winds take my mind to another land.
No one needs to know and no one needs to understand.







Tanay Sengupta, Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved.

if ever

you don’t

feel

like you have a home,

pull me close,

wrap your arms around me,

rest your head on my chest,

close your eyes,

and feel the warmth of the fireplace

resonating from within my heart.

"How are you?"

"I’m fine."

fine, fine like mother’s china,
breaking with a touch.
fine, fine like a fair maiden,
for whom only tragedy awaits.
fine, like the thread of life,
flimsy and anxious.
I’m fine,
thanks.