My heart lives with you
Everywhere I go
I am alive
I am living
And I am growing
You are growing
But my heart lives with you
I still look for you In crowded rooms
And everyone I meet, is not you
I can’t move on
But that is okay.
I run from another’s touch
Because I can’t let the lingering feeling of yours go.
Can’t imagine another feeling of someone’s skin
Because it is not yours.
I am waiting for you
Because when I am done growing
And you are done growing
Maybe we will grow back together
And finally see what it was that we left behind.
My heart still lives with you.

in another life, maybe i could have laced
your fingers in mine
chasing starlight down the line
and finding out we'd
never have enough time.

when summer ends, when hearts bloom-
you'll look at her
i'll look at you.

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms

Oh resilient heart o’mine
You know you’ll be fine
We’ve loved with every ounce
He was nothing but a louse
Let the pain run through our veins
because I know we’ll love again

I hope there’s a place
Or better, a time
When all this crazy
Is no longer mine

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

I can’t move
But I can see
I can’t speak
But I can breath
Stuck in nightmare
Wishing it was a sweet dream
Trying to scream
But no one can hear me
I try to scream but nothing
Not even a single sound
  -wherearethestars

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

My ludicrous thoughts
Simliar to past memories catch me off guard,
Pain causing me to break into a million pieces
Releasing my tears, running down my face and I realized that I didn't want to be a part of this unhappy ,used and dumped team. That isn't the case for me
I'm going to be part of the team Success in due time with sparkle nd grace period.

I have been suffering from sunburns.
Sunburns that I call "missing you" syndrome.
I have been feeling the scorching heat of the Sun
and the burning sensation on my skin.
It's not the kind of warmth that I miss.

I could not reach the Sun.
He is far. He is vibrant, fiery and hot.
I could not gaze at him on his blazing peak.
I looked down in tears.

I miss him, I am trying to say it,
but all I can do is to swallow my words and get burned with my own longing.

Sunburn, sometimes it's on my skin.
Most of the time, it's the Sun that I am missing. ☀️

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

Please don't get mad at me.
Please don't go away.
Please just stay here with me.
Please tell me it's okay.
Please just hug me tighter.
Please don't let me go.
Please tell me you love me,
That's all I need to know.
Please tell me that it's normal,
Even though I know it's not.
Please tell me everyone goes through this,
That it's not just my soul that rots.

I don't know if I can go much longer.
Please help me catch my breath.
It seems all I ever think about
Is fear and tears and death.

Just try to understand me.
Please, I know it's hard.
But if you saw what I can see,
You'd see all of the dark.

i never intended
to take apart
all the pieces
you glued back
together

we are handed so much
without a cost
yet we take it all for granted
it’s unreal

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

You're thirsty?
Here.
Let me offer you some of my tears!
(I've got plenty)

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

If clothes could speak
You'd be the fragrance
They'd wear.
A kiss to remind them that they too, are alive.
Welcoming you with open lips
& arms.
If clothes could speak
They'd be fluent in speaking you.
Touching you in a way that you don't touch yourself,
Knowing the chance may never
Come again.
They'd reveal to you, that you were the one
They couldn't wait to uncover

There is now a sense within my soul
of  the world’s time running as a frightened deer
through open meadows of terror
through darkened woods of fear
leaping across ever widening streams
of lost and soon to be forgotten dreams

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019