It's been a few days
I feel better now
Or rather different

We are gonna be friends
Unless the world tears us apart
Because it's different there

He says he's happy
But he also cried to me
I don't understand

It's just different now

The darkest nights
Are always those you must face alone

No knight in shining armor
Will appear until it’s already dawn

Youre your only savior
Must create sense of this senselessness
Answers only exist inside your own abyss

Depend on no one, dear
You’ll only regret

Yourself Is all you’ve really got
So never lose sight of your own heart

They’ll lie
They’ll cheat
They’ll steal  
They’ll die

They’re never really there

You’re all you’ve got, my love
Until time makes you see
The deepest beauty lies within
Your own insanity

And little do they know
Averse to the obscurity
Of the midnight wild,
In this frontier, we all
Who go, bite our lips
In some dark mystery,
Paradox abound and
Apophatic lisp, sense
Unbound, this land is
Ancient and ever new.

My mother became my childhood, in flames, laughing from a teetering vocabulary teething Memory.   She is the Gravity I gauged for Life's telemetry.   I am a declinating star never but the family cemetery.

If only Monday had buttons or a zipper you could close.

Motivate
Motivate
Motivate
I write it thrice which is once three times
I need coffee
the clock in the hall chimes,
it's five minutes late
Motivate
Motivate
and relax.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

when i recover,
and if you are found,
apology mouth,
to return all my sound.
the cries, never made,
as they kneel at your face,
marking a promise,
to finally stay.

I hope when my time has come
And I'm long gone
Someone looks at my words
The words that came from my soul
All the feelings of love, pain, happiness, emptiness, growth
And they know they would have loved me

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

There's something different about him
The way he moves
The way he carries
I can see the curiosity in his eyes
I can tell he wants to say something
But the words aren't coming out
Maybe he's shy
Or maybe he's just tired
Tired of the dead ends
A true mystery.....
And I'm interested

What's wrong with you?
Maybe there's interest
But you won't know unless you say something to her
She's beautiful
And you can't afford wasted moments
The road blocks in the past
Have blurred your vision
Like staring at the sun
But at the same time
You're still able to see her

I thought I was the story of your life.
Turns out,
I am only the anecdote in your life.

Once upon a time

I thought you were everything

I needed but now I realize

You were the thing dragging me down

So I pulled the ripcord

And watched you drift away.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

I am certain this can't go on much longer
I see Mr. Smith eye me then look at his pocket watch.

My train is long overdue, the station is deserted
but I can hear the plaintive whistle far in the distance

and I stand up and look down the track.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Thinking of
you
is the
only
thing getting
me
through the
day.

I can't wait for it all to be
over
and
done

Longing for the
day
when i
reach
the finish line
and embrace
the sun

I hear her there, alone, up above
A poem, a painting in the sky, a
Northern dream, an eye
Looking down,  lights phantasia
glow, to earth from up above, and like a fantasy spectacular,  her voice a low
Calming northern cool as mint and winter winds,  miles across this barren land give hope to searches
I cannot give up.
Someday may the Norse gods and southern generals make peace and stop haunting my love and dreams might a line be crossed with will and determination, my love and I united.

don't make a sound
they're creeping 'round the corner
watching and waiting
for our weakness exposed

go for the throat, soon as they see it
what makes you think you're so invincible?

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

My mental health makes me and breaks me.
I’m unique and different and quirky and so very dead inside.

When I look at you,
I don’t see darkness
I don’t see rain
I don’t see pain

When I speak to you,
I don’t feel sadness
I don’t feel neglect
You always show respect

When I think of you,
It gives me strength
Because you’re so bright
My brightest light

When I dream of you,
I find myself in your arms
Right where I belong
Right where I feel strong

When I fell in love with you,
I knew it was true
Because you drowned my sorrows
And now I can see tomorrow

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

I sold her a bag of dreams
It had a hole at the bottom
She gave me winter and spring
Summer and most of her Autumn
I left her not looking back
Standing there
Clutching tightly
An earful of sorry stories
And an empty tequila bottle
Why you ask
Im sure
Surely because I could
And because that's what I do

Unless it is chronic,
Inflammation does not last.
Be humble.

Flint cracks and flame errupts.
Crisp green turns to charred black.
Each inhale pulls clouded plumes into my lungs.
The taste rolls along my tongue.
In fragrant wisps my anxiety melts away.
Burning bad days from my mind. Releasing tension in my muscles,
like a lover caressing the pain away. Glazed and glossy eyes
see the silver lining through the haze.

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

They say "love is a verb".
I don't think it is.

It's more a cloud of locusts,
Flying terribly at your door.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.