you say you want me back and you're sorry for pushing me away
you were scared of getting hurt
and you felt an overwhelming amount of emotion while you were with me
you didn't know how to handle it

but as the days go by you miss me more and more
you wish you never let me go because you can't find the spark anywhere else
and because you know i was such a rare find
so you hate yourself for running away

but then i woke up.

It wasn't like in the movie
Time didn't stop
No music played
when you walked into to my life
I wasn't blinking
for a split second can't be missed

I had a hard time deciding
where I sit
when I sit with you
cuz I wanted to watch you eat
and I wanted you beside me at the same time

My sister said "yes, your heart skipped a beat
but it isn't a heart desease,
cuz boy, you are in a much bigger trouble"
And I didn't get what she said
No one told me what's it like being in love

But I sat in the middle of the night,
writing poems about you
I was listening to songs
every single one dedicating to you
and every pretty thing I saw
reminded me of you

I never missed to smell your hair
I would kiss your hand at every chance
Every joke was to make you smile

Now I see you in the smoke I blew outside the window
Years ago, if someone told me about this
I would mock at them,
saying "move on, don't make it big a deal"
Now it is two years later,
my hands on the letters,
pressing one by one as I'm thinking of you
and one by one, the moments reappear
I still feel you all over me, touch by touch
but we've walked away from each other, step by step
I have to admit that tonight I moved one inch back to you
and I think I've been doing this inch by inch
but when I look around,
I'm in the same place as the last time I checked
when I thought I walked away


I might've chuckled dryly at the irony
I was right where I left you,


Right where I left you.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

Words trail around
in my head
with no semblance
of organization
no rhythm no rhyme
certainly no sense of time
and I long for
the perfection that used to be
where now I see only me

You came into my life in an instant
We were so close yet I feel distant

You give smile when we talk
But can we really walk the talk?

Finding you must be right
But the timing of today is not quite

No one is to blame
I'm just feeling sane

I spend too many nights thinking
Wondering, writing, dreaming
Of someone who doesn't even think of me

this isn't a poem
this isn't verbalized trepidation
nor is this art
rather, this is four years of shared history
that I will never get back
a place, a time,
arms that
I can never return to

but memories that
take the form of maggots
eating away at
my sad brain
I want to forget
but you devour my head
my heart
my stomach
my guts
from the inside out
stop hurting me
please
you haven't left my mind
since you left my bed

fractured sunsets
messy kids
was there ever any good?

I remember you in the small things
I remember you in silly movies
I remember you in rooftops
I remember you in stars
in the dark of my room
in specific numbers
in certain phrases
in sad anime
in elephants
in cats
in



nothing


it doesn't matter anymore
I wish the arguments could be undone
I wish you could have changed
I wish the nights we spent could have
lasted forever
I wish I could lay my head in your lap
as you run your fingers through my hair
gently, sweetly
for the rest of my existence
I wish I could taste your lips again
but I can't
I can't I can't I can't
I can't I just
can't
anymore


parting is such a bitter sorrow
it does nothing but ache

i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it

As I walked down memory lane yesterday,

I heard him said, "don't get lost".

I realized & laughed.

Unflappable
at least he tried
or maybe not
just as he was
that kind of guy
settling back
having a smoke
drinking cold *****
kissing the girls
or at least some
then he met her
sixty seven
Summer of love
Sgt Pepper
Vietnam War
A Love Supreme
and she quite cool
with long dark hair
and God-blessed eyes
and the locked ward
where they kept her
on her bad days
he visited
brought cigarettes
and have kisses
unflappable
to love your fate
to love not hate.

i spend my days
pouring myself into the cups of others

only to find that
when it’s time for myself
to take a sip

all that’s left
in my cup
is the remainder of a girl
who gave too much

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I obsess with unatural desire
I want to brush up against you
accidentally
and run my fingers through your silkyness
be engulfed in your fragrance
Oh Hinoki Cypress
you are such a beautiful
pleasant tree

I traced the texture of your words
Like my heart was blind
And your voice was braille

Good morning, Starshine

You're a gift to this world
I admire your generosity for others
Sharing freely from your heart

Your character inspires me
I recognize the resolve in your values
Challenging me to grow

Your spirit calls me
I thirst to know all of your secrets
Both broken and healed

Your energy moves me
I crave your touch
Addicted to the electricity it gives

Your soul sees me
I'm intoxicated by your words
Dismantling my armor

You're a beautiful creature
I'm thankful to intersect your path
Hopeful we can walk awhile

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

my arm is numb
my fingers tingly

i think this must be
a friendly reminder of my
mortality

gently, i respond
"no need, sir
i am a walking
existential crisis

fear of death
and i are well
acquainted"

She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote

I'm sinking farther into the sea
Air cut off, unable to breathe

But it's not all too bad
The water's warm
and the fish look nice

It's a shame I can only see this
By myself
at the end.

I ran over your tongue
like silk
or would you prefer
fine wine
You sloshed me in your mouth
tasting the way
I ripened with age
I danced with your taste buds
I thought I did well
but then
you spit me out
and decided you preferred
the 2010

You.
Are.
A.
Walking.
Masterpiece.

It is a sickness.
Words pour from me
Truth and fantasy
Since a child.
I have a writing disorder.
People run for fear I'll share.

When in the fever, it spills from me
on napkins and paper bags.
It surrounds me.
It drowns me.

The disorder seizes me.
Words written in lost notebooks
long forgotten.
The writings disappear, but the sickness
never goes.

Uncontrollably, as green in May,
words spread over me.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems like *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

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Check
Look;

When did relationships
Get defined
By a read receipt?
Will we
Now
Only measure intimacy
By a tweet?

What do we have left,
Why can’t we
Go back
To laughter
In a diner seat