I wanted to learn

so last night my fourth grade teacher
tore my eyelids off

and sat me near a television screen
that showed my mother dying
over and over
and over again.

I left as a cavity
of a boy,

collapsing at the sound of passing cars

as I searched for a payphone where
I could speak to the static about Gabriel.

(where is he?)

When I look at my brother and father

I beg for my eyes to be caressed until they’re scarred

with every daytime matinee
and curtsy on the train platform

that built me into this mosaic
of a “man”.

C8H10N4O2  so  softly  calling
Feel  my  energy  level  falling
I­t  faintly  whispers  my name (psss)
But now I'm just stuck stalling     (uh)
I  try but just can't break  free        (so)
"How about some herbal tea?"     (no)
Your  suggestion  is  appalling  (ugh)
But  coffee?  I'm  al­ways  keen
Need that daily hit of caffeine

This word of the day
An experience of time
The briefest sort..
I wonder
If this old word
Contained a hint
Of time's illusion
When seen and heard
Standing alone
With hands and bells
On a village tower...

Flowers bloom in the cracks of the cobblestone,
their sweet scent swallowing the area.
Attracting onlookers like a moth to a flame.

Pastel petals strewn across the terrain.
A seemingly infinite ocean of colors
waves of flora descending down on me.

Roots span for miles,
pulsating currents weaved into the ground.
Reaching for hope.

alice,
would you send me butterflies tonight?
because i miss the doves.

there are days i forget your smile
i forget the way you said my name

i wish i hadn't cried the last time i saw you

Leaky.

Grounded in amethyst.
Cold dew.
Pure mossy trees.
Slip unnoticed overgrown.
Love made on earthly floor.
Duplex Doors of the infinity.
Never failing to impress.





Garrett Johnson.

Maybe it's the faulty wiring of my circuits,
I don't seem to understand those around me,
I tell them don't trust me,
They say they love me,
But I will glitch, synapse misfire,
I'll become a villain in my program,
With no rhyme or reason,
I'll fail miserably to the hero,
That is my destiny,
But at least I'll know my fate,
Better than these faulty wires,
A maze of circuits that never know where to connect,
Is this what it's like to be human?..

I grab hold of a life line.
A dangling "vine" to witch my soul
clings to life by a strand.
I scream out the pain of nights whipped down by hearts in which you look up too
You also give your everything out of your poor rash-ins  hands.
Do my tears quench your thirst?
For salty oceans where my cuts blood with the cutting of the salts?
Shall you jest as I get damaged in front of your eyes...that are too blind to see...
My past is treated as humorous tales of foolery
Leaving the victories in my life, unspoken.
Locked away by the Jester in his Vaults.

she wants me for her wants
but needs me for nothing.

a women empowered
will only need her own.

so want her for those wants
and need her for nothing.

or you will find yourself
needing more than she can give.

Stress riddled into my veins
A drug leaving my head in the clouds
No one cares about your stress
Just study for the tests.
3 in one day
What a gift
Stress in my veins
But it takes a lot to **** me.

the scent of incense
hangs heavy in the air
the constant murmer of voices
comes crashing like waves
but your eyes meet mine
and the faces disappear
the voices die,
all that remains
is an unspoken invitation
from my lips
willing yours to kiss mine
and yours happily
meet their request
leaving our love tasting
like oranges
tenderly plucked
from moonlight lips.

Lips that have never been kissed
Hair that's never been brushed back
Cheeks that have never been caressed
Hands that have never been held

Yes, I know I dont need a boy
But it gets kind of lonely

Through the kitchen window to where the
lake ends and the trees touch her
lustrous sides, a rippleless motion
in the reeds waving at all the colours -
at me -
and the pines' crowns simply
add a powdery green to where
the water starts a black-blue dark
leaving such velvety shine to me -
at me.

The sun is in her eyes as she glides
through the trees, her hair tangled
with ocean, and she is extraordinary.
Looking at her, I am stranded
in that musical way, only a leaf
floating on a wide, wide river.
She swims beneath.
Miles away, I hear the winds reciting
her name, and even in September, she is a summer
watching the rains appear, reappear,
birds flocking in confusion.
I close my eyes and line the pages
with constellations, see the stars murmuring
on her forehead. Gold glimmers
in front of her eyes, my eyes,
and I am no one, nowhere.

There is a constant that runs through my soul
better and clearer than any other dream.

The river; she harbors my wants and desires within
her constant ever-changing being.

Release of all the unhealthy ties that have kept me
bound wash away into the depths, twist and turns
setting me free.

All freedom has a cost.  I have paid the price like so many.
Now here on rivers edge in the light of the sun I erase the debt
and feel the hope, joy and love like never before.

Here in this place, I don't beg, borrow or fear.  Here in love,
I receive for the very first time...my joy filled time~eternal.



© 2019 Lily Mae

I just have to look
at you
to feel it.

To know it
I have to look
away.

Like the pages
of a book
mid-tornado,

Fragments of
information, the pieces
all out of place.

Still,

I believe you
beg to be
read.

Today
I wore black
Because
Event hough
I am still breathing
I am no longer
Alive

-jt

the world is unjust
unready for you, little one.
just hold on
just one moment — wait,
please.

don’t go yet. wait
for me, my legs are slower
than they used to be.
brittle, you know.
you and i are both

getting older.
wait —
don’t go yet. stay
just one moment.
i’m not ready.

I still remember the last time I saw you
and I remember the day I realized
it was really over

but life goes on, as things do
however, I still find myself
thinking about you

I’ve seen other people,
I’m sure you have too
but still, I really, truly do
myss you

faster and faster
don't trip up
don't slow down
don't slip up

roots pop up
and weave through
dont catch your foot
or you will fall too

dont look back
it will only slow you down
dont give up
though your heart pounds hard

even as the blade crosses my skin
i dont feel a thing

you will love again

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Paper faces and silicone smiles-
Where’d you get that mask, little girl?
Looks an awful lot like

me.

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

What if
You have been fighting
A losing battle
All along
What if
The silence
Within you
Is only
The calm
Before the strom
And
It is going to be a fight
You just cannot
Win

-jt

I’m scared as f*ck
to want you.

But here
I am,

Still wanting you
anyway.

I'm gullible
I crave sincerity
I'm fragile
That's not a lie

It was 4 am,
The world was asleep,
The stars were awake,
And just like every other night,
I thought of you,
Are you on the other side thinking of me too?

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

I still remember
The night we met secretly
Together
Touching one another softly
It was so dark
Nearby dogs didn't bark.
We could breathe only through
Noses
As if we were under hypnosis
We slithered
It was a love melody

I want what every girl wants
Love that consumes me
Love that devours me

But I want what only I want
I want you
I want you to want me

loneliness, an old friend
is knocking on my door again
and I’m trying so hard not to let him in

this way of life is more than tranquil,
from day one to five, we sharpen
our tools with our desires and an anvil

in our spare time, we chase the the high
until our third eyes tells the three of us
it is way too much for us to handle

me myself and i, if it grabs our attention,
we will approach it with a purpose, whether
it be a person, wording or a purchase

none of which was intended to be perfect,
but deserving, why would the sea chase the earth’s surface if it felt that it was not worth it

-t.m