A constant worry about
how to pay dues.

but these scars are nothing,
I enjoyed all of them
every pain I felt
because it was from you

I go to the corner-store to dredge up some funding.
Someone replies to my request for marijuana with a heartfelt
"God bless you," and suddenly I feel awkward.


I go to Alcoholics Anonymous, the speaker
thanks his version of God for all his accomplishments,
and suddenly I feel awkward.

Hurting inside, sequestering away from the rest of the world
A touch and you unravel like silk ribbons
Nearly unconscious, breathing in septic air, exhaling petals
A bouquet of snow flowers in your lungs, tainted with your blood
Hurting like the world has collapsed on you, coughing out sanity
Alone when you’re with everyone, a cloud of friends and strangers
Kept for yourself, the burden that is dragging you downwards
Is death better than life without feeling, meaning?

The ring on your finger,
       means you belong to another
Yet your heart,
       seem to have found it's own destination
How long will it be,
         before these two worlds come crashing down?

Can you feel the pressure,
Can you feel it with me,
Because every single time when i see your face,
it reminds me of how life is full of grace,

Can you feel the pressure,
Can you feel it with me,
when times get hard and our hearts are broken life seems unbearable, mistakable, and unforgettable.

Don't leave these scars on my heart,
I promise it will never fall apart.

Can you feel the pressure,
Can you feel it with me?

I know my face is feminine
I know everyone 'knows' I'm a girl
I know in this confusing christian society
You have to keep to the binary

And so I don't expect them
To look at me
And say "He"

But just once
Maybe they'll hesitate
Before saying "She"

You’re sitting on the boundary between,
Where my garden bleeds into the sea
I smile and you smile back at me,
I tell you, I’ve never seen more beautiful crooked teeth

And you’re rubbing your wrist softly
But I don’t see it, I’m busy
Winding a coil of your hair taut around me
Don’t let me go just yet, I’m sorry

And you’re rubbing your wrist so I pull up your sleeve
You push me away, grip slips, I trip, your hair ripped out of your skull
Wound tight around me still
And you look at me; your arrow eyes-

Once I was lofty, high up in the sky
Yet you knocked me down-
and I’m thinking of this now,
On the ground, your eyes blazing,

One hand on the wall, one reaching
Out to me, the ruby bracelet you were polishing
Seeming more and more scaly by the second
Scalic how I scream
When your grip slips, rip your fingernails on the wall
Before you disappear
Into the sea.

"You can only be smaller
than your ego is large."
That's what they all meant
when they said: "be modest."
False claim.

Chaos in my mind

                 Spirals on repeat

They left me behind

                  Blisters on my feet

I’m lost and I’m blind

                   Empty and Complete  

I try to chase my thoughts

                    But they end up chasing me

We talked when the other wasn’t listening
We listened when the other just wanted silence
We painted murals when the other was blinded
We played soft tunes when the other was deft

But,
What else we could have done?
What could you have done if you knew me?
What could I have done if I knew you?

It’s a funny thing
To try to forgive
when we are still bathing in ager
when we are still having regret for breakfast
guilt for lunch
and mourning for what could have been for dinner

You are you
I am me
We are so different
We speak different languages
I nod and you shake
A close my eyes and you keep yours wide open
You call me
And I just need a hug
You came here
And I just want to go

I place my hand over the phone
The call goes unanswered
And within time
It will stop rigging at all

What else could have we done?
What else we can we do?
Because you are still you
And I am still me

I bleed through words,
From the cuts given by the society.

I want to escape and fly like birds,
With a hope, it all ends my agony.

Feeling down when you were never around
Never around to wonder why
Never around to see me cry
Now you know why I wonder why.

The knots know no reason
They come and go
Loosened or tightened
At will or not
They know no reason
For their being
And existence
Depends

you’re awake
when I’m asleep

you’re asleep
when I’m awake

slowly but pretty surely
we fall into a pattern
called ‘familiarity’

nebulous galaxies
                          spiraling forth
stars collecting
                          in clusters              lost
configuring
               constellations           in
                                  
                             ­         space
and
                time-
                                  travelling
   through
                        light-years
duly                        ­                     revolving,
              aligning
     with                       the Sun  
                    and                           the Moon
suspended
                      in the interstellar

im in my bed
instead of yours
and theres no one to blame except your heart not feeling the same

all the things that you said
it felt like you meant
so i packed all my bags, took my broken heart back and i left

His face
The sight brings a smile to yours
His eyes
You can stare into them forever
His lips
You wish you can kiss them
His hands
You wish you can intertwine them with yours
His mind
It intrigues you
His soul
You can love it for eternity
His heart
It doesn't belong to you

I didn't expect to find you.
I didn't expect to share so much.
I didn't expect to like you.
I was hesitant at first
but of course
I gave in.
It was my own fault that I opened up
knowing full and well you would leave too
just like the rest.
You said you weren't like everyone else
and you were right.
You're not like everyone else
you're you.
and you broke me.
You took the pieces of me
you promised you'd repair.
You're not like everyone else
you're worse.

i still look at the recipes you wrote about me.
you told me that baking requires trust—
maybe that's why my macarons burnt.

you were the most sobering experience.

you write a lot about love
without wanting to say it
out loud

he held my mouth "don't make a sound"
but I'm so loud
on ****** ground

what is to trust
is is to entrust
your soul to someone
is it to become from one
to two
come i'll give you a beautiful view
of my abandoned heart
since i trust you
i hope you to won't break me apart

I have not been on for a while .
I have a crushed disc pressing against my spine.
Once that is taken care of I shall return.

The here and now
A place in time
The world feels so soft
and open

Fulfilling my wish
A three part kiss
where time stands still
and I seize the moment

On the brink of lust
With each healing touch
And suddenly the world
appears less broken

The here and now
A place in time
Our soft worlds collided
and wide open

Leave it to a 5 year old to ask
what everyone is wondering

It hurts worse than hell some days;
Some days it's rosier than flowers itself...

Your love
has dried up the ocean
in my eyes,
so when the pain
seeps in,
I pour the wine
of your thoughts
in my pen
and let the words
(I write to you)
get high
and cry...