i look at you,then at me.can we ever be or is it just an illusion my dumb brain created. Everytime i see you my heart says"here is your chance" but my brain as dumb as it is says "don't even think about it".now i sit here,thinking of what can be or what might never be.am i such a fool to even think i could stand a chance,or am my just too dumb to see whats right infront of me...(us).my courage escapes me each time our eyes meet,but no,i must speak up,i can't remain voiceless forever.If its meant to be it will be...but if its not...atleast ill have answers alongside my broken heart...but for all its worth...LOVE WILL ALWAYS WIN

How I feel when I'm with you
happy
yet
helpless

I've run out of time and rhymes.
I don't have any other feelings left to convey.
Your mind is still unmoved,
and I've got nothing more left to say.

The bitterness next to the desire
Love hurts! they say, but I am tired
Like weird sisters they go hand in hand
He is like an open itchy wound and you love that too
Becomes a part of him and you
It becomes the canvas for sickly passionate love
The pain as a way to connect with us
Loving you is bitter, no longer a good plan
Good memories blended with little knives
Good memories not distinguished from bad ones
What a twisted way to fall in love

Darling
Even a single rose can
Portray a beautiful picture
As you do.

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

You said you loved me
You clearly don't

-Look!
You want to runaway?
-Yeah let's do it!


You want to?
-Yeah!


Let's do it then...
Go!
Let's rock

1.5 grams of marijuana, 30 mL of cough syrup, half a bowl of cereal, and an iron supplement.
Then I throw up blood into a toilet, shave, and put on a pair of flip flops.
I don't bother changing pants, so I just grab a different shirt, throw on some deodorant, and smoke another joint.
I get in the car.
I take a deep, shaky breath.
I plug my phone into the car.
And I drive for a long, long time.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

to allow her
to love you
with a love
that endures
first trust
in her heart
and trust
her with yours
pave way for
her dreams
sit not on
her throne
carry her fears
as if they
are your own
allow her to grow
to question desire
nurse her embers
until she burns
like wildfire
touch not her body
until you awaken
her mind
she will give
you her soul
and all of
her time

The smell of rain
Falling on dry earth
Says the monsoon
Is almost here
I want to see you
Where are you?

This is your seat
In the shade of a tree
On an old bench
That is warm and wet
It remembers you
Where are you?

The gentle wind
Silently swings
Across the green glade
Knocking leaves
In search of you
Where are you?  

Friendless I am
Very lonely and sad
There is no one here
To know about
My love for you
Where are you?

My eyes are tired
They are dry and sore
They have seen thru’ light
And seen thru’ dark
They see you not
Where are you?

Crushing times when I feel lost
Battered and tossed, but then you bring
Your sweet love with glowing light
In dark night to you I'll cling

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

some people drink
to remember

others drink
to forget

I drink
water

I look in the mirror and see
Wrinkles impressed upon me
Some from good and some for bad
I've earned each one, I'm not sad

Each wrinkle tells a story
Some glad some gory
So many ups and downs
Caused the smiles and frowns

I gaze the mirror and ask
Is this really me I take to task?
How did time fly by so fast?
My life is set in wrinkles cast

Upon my face, I wear my life
My sons and dearest wife
Some happened in the fire
Some took form because it was dire

I prefer the ones that came from smiles
A raised brow to see for miles
A ripple around my face pointed up
I wouldn’t remove a wrinkle, it's been my cup

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

loving you is killing me.

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

i've carried life inside me
yet find it a mystery
life that is
an odd quiz
one with questions
and no explanation
am i to only bask
and not ask?