You all say such nice things to me
Such pretty empty words
Paint me beautiful with compliments
But underneath all the colors run together
And it’s just a mess
Keep your sweet words
Give me something real
I am drowning and you are throwing flower petals at me

Your words are like an arsenic drip
  slowly destroying me from the inside

Catch the waning
moon. It may not come
back tomorrow.

The traveller stops
under the sun, not to ask
for shade. The anger
was rising.

Like candle light
brightening your face
in autumn halo.

Would you like
to read a love sonnet
to retrieve the lost
Taj Mahel?

Squeezing the cool
bright moon in a glass of
drink, I want to see you
mutable moods.

Wisdom danced with wit
toying with hearts and smiles
from a Silver steed

Like pieces of a broken mirror
My scissor,
Hands will cut you
To shreds
A chain mail vest
Would be the best
And a heart made
Of leather
To lay down
Before you rest

Just think
Have you ever tried to tell a seed
To fly where you wish?
Have you ever dared the wind
To disobey its mystical instinct?
Do you remember the buffaloes?
...Extinct

Just think for a second
Controlling migration?
Stuffy old dudes doodle borders
Gerrymandering the globe
Behind heavy brown desks
Causing civil unrest for generations to come

Velvet curtains
Shielding these dudes from the rest
The rest, who are anxiously worried
Worried they’d be told they’re now under arrest
If they follow their nature
They’d be going right where the buffaloes went

Just think
Are we so different?
When it comes down to it
We all have the very same instinct
Just think

I see people changed,
I see world changed,
I see my luck changed,
I see everyone changed,
I survived.
But the moment when you will change
I’ll die.

I cant find joy anymore.
I have looked under every rock,
And behind every tree.
Ive searched through fields.

I dont know when she left,
I just remember waking up one morning feeling a little emptier
And a little more lost.

Its been cloudy every day since.

I look in the mirror and see
Wrinkles impressed upon me
Some from good and some for bad
I've earned each one, I'm not sad

Each wrinkle tells a story
Some glad some gory
So many ups and downs
Caused the smiles and frowns

I gaze the mirror and ask
Is this really me I take to task?
How did time fly by so fast?
My life is set in wrinkles cast

Upon my face, I wear my life
My sons and dearest wife
Some happened in the fire
Some took form because it was dire

I prefer the ones that came from smiles
A raised brow to see for miles
A ripple around my face pointed up
I wouldn’t remove a wrinkle, it's been my cup

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

They say you can’t remember pain
But brother I feel it bleeding
Even now
Even now
Even now

Time


Time is precious as I’ve been told it can escape us if we stand still and pose.

Procrastination and taking our time can lead to problems that hinder our movement, goals and attainments.

Time is essential, limited and long the more you do now works out better in the long run.

Time when rushed is a dangerous occurrence our actions have weight that once completed are fixed.

Time is different in everyone’s eyes to me it’s a hurry, goes slow or is there to appease.


Time

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

I just wanted to take a moment,
and think about the times,
the memories,
the joys.
Before I was broken.

Before you ruined me.

Before my heart broke.

When I was healed.

My life was far from perfect,
but I was going to be alright.

Until I met you.

You were the best worse thing that has ever happened to me.
You filled me up
and then emptied me out.
But it was you.
So what could I say?

You changed me.
But what could I do when all I wanted was you??
And it's crazy because even though I know you're not good for me
I still want you.

Right now I want you more than ever.

See the world through Van Gogh
Soften your focus and
look out your window

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

i wanna die. i wanna die.
i wanna die. i wanna die.
i wanna die. i wanna die.
but i can't seem to pull the trigger.

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

i want to ask how you are.

I can tear myself to pieces,
it is a natural place for me.
I can and I will and I'm better
than I was but I'm worse still.
I can splinter myself and let every
doubt burrow itself into my open skin,
let the insecurities bloom into
harsh and wicked flowers,
let the bile rain into my poisoned mind.
I am precise with my agony,
following the loose ends to their end
and mine and fraying the
cord in between.
I do not mean to, but the issue
presents in its encroaching way
and I see no path but the
truth.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.