sometimes when I peek at that reflection
every intention involved in letting the world see me
instantly goes away

Dear monster in my head
I want to see you
Really see you
Inspect you
And understand you

Dear monster in my head
I promise if you come out of the shadows
I'll push away my anger
Desperation

So don’t worry
I’ll clench my fists

Dear monster in my head
I wonder what made you this way
Why you seem to hate me
Why scream these dreadful silent whispers
To me almost constantly

Dear monster in my head
I’ve only seen your beady red eyes briefly in a dream
And I want to observe the rest of you
For if I can’t always control you
I want to understand you

..

Is it you that see now?
Are you that figure coming out from the depths?
I can’t breathe
And I’m crying
Sobbing
But wait a second
...
You're stunning
Not like a sunset
Or a pretty girl
You just feel that way

Dear beautiful hurt in my head
I am so sorry I called you a monster
When you were just in pain

Dear beautiful hurt in my head
All bruised
With tear-stained cheeks
And terrible memories

It turns out that those beady red eyes
Was just the blood bleeding from our hearts
And that you actually have green eyes
That have some yellow near the iris
Just like me

Dear beautiful hurt in my head
I forgive you
And I hope you can forgive me one day
For making you hide in the shadows
Out of sight
And in my mind

Dear beautiful hurt in my head
Let us feel this pain out loud
Together
Holding hands
Watching good and bad days go by

Dear beautiful hurt in my head
I love you
Even though sometimes you make me cry

When one is loved
A vine's entwined
It burns at both ends
Heat is the sign

From branch to vine
From branch to fruit
Hearts caught in the middle
Are soon turned to soot

Tiny trees sculpted,
In patience and gentle care,
Nature's art unfolds.

the sun in my eyes
sometimes is a welcome pain
we are awaken

He said
Take me back in time
When dreams were bigger than fears
When laughter was real and deep
When Friends were siblings

Yes
Back when 'face masks' never existed

just ...
take me back in time .

Open thy heart
             claim the feather
                       of peace that is floating,  
swirling down  
                    towards your open palm:
              "WHEN IT LANDS,"  
Feel the sensations that arise
as you
                      caress it,
                                     gently:  
Perhaps its a spiritual hug
from an Angel who wants to,  
                     love you !  
Close your fingers round it
                  press it to your heart  
                      and say,
                                          AMEN !

Sick and tired yet I insist and persist,
Until the last drop of tear has fallen.
The weight over my shoulders that exists,
Will eventually be lifted and forgotten.

"Cecil."

"Yes, Tarquin?"

"Did you wee on my toilet seat?"

"Why, yes, I think I did."

"Didn't you think to wipe."

"No, I never wipe."

"I see."

I asked him how he dealt
with his father-loss
babbling the words out
in all my anxious longing.

"I know, Son,"
his voice came
from across the world
like a Father's always does.

"That tightness
in the chest...
Yes,
I know."

I had never felt closer
to another man.

I had never felt more
like his son.

I had never felt
more understood.

Hushed mind, cold heart, still eyes.
Just the nightmare you need to numb your spine.
The latest frenzy in town.

Heavy breathing

Skin to skin

You are mine

And I am yours

Touching tongues

Dripping sweat

Locking eyes

Dampening sheets

You are mine

And I am yours

You taste me

And I taste you

Legs shaking

Lips quivering

You are mine

And I am yours

Holding hands

Gripping sheets

Deep breaths

And messy legs

You are mine

And I am yours

I wish you'd forget
whatever it was
about me you used to know
Because I don't remember me
and it's only hurting you

I wish you would forget
the things I said
when I was trying to help
Or selfishly trying to be remembered
and it's only hurting you

I wish you would forget
whatever it was we used to share
I know you care
but I do too
and it's only hurting you

I wish you'd forget me
whatever it is you'd remember
my smile or my tears
my laughter or my fears
Because it's only hurting you

And I wish you'd forget me.

I love the imagery
Of you sitting next to me
Close to me
Being with me

For now, I love that imagery
Unfortunately
That's all imaginary

i'm breathing fast
i'm seeing the past
things i don't want to remember
hit me like a blast

anxiety rising
breath denying
i'm hearing their words
i feel like i'm dying

their words hit me like a stab
i crunch like a crab
that they stepped on
i feel a jab

words bleed out of my chest
as i remember what i don't want to
i'm not ready
wait... just let me

try
to
forget

Tous ceux qui parlent des merveilles
Leurs fables cachent des sanglots
Et les couleurs de leur oreille
Toujours à des plaintes pareilles
Donnent leurs larmes pour de l'eau

Le peintre assis devant sa toile
A-t-il jamais peint ce qu'il voit
Ce qu'il voit son histoire voile
Et ses ténèbres sont étoiles
Comme chanter change la voix

Ses secrets partout qu'il expose
Ce sont des oiseaux déguisés
Son regard embellit les choses
Et les gens prennent pour des roses
La douleur dont il est brisé

Ma vie au **** mon étrangère
Ce que je fus je l'ai quitté
Et les teintes d'aimer changèrent
Comme roussit dans les fougères
Le songe d'une nuit d'été

Automne automne long automne
Comme le cri du vitrier
De rue en rue et je chantonne
Un air dont lentement s'étonne
Celui qui ne sait plus prier.

"I don't live in moments
Moments live in me.."
This is what my dear friend
recently said to me

At first the wisdom was lost
like pouring perfume on a pig
or acid from a large dropper
into the eyes of poor old Syd

At first the fuses burned
an electric acrid smell
but soon I understood the logic
behind the diagnosis of a living hell

Losing movement every day
to a disease called MND
such an injustice and imbalance...
Such a tragedy

Yet his smile is still contagious
but I see the truth behind his eyes
even the most beautiful wild flowers
slowly wither and die

Such a hard hand dealt
to a man so bold and brave
too many tragedies in one life
too many flowers surrounding graves

I love how you say my name
Now nothing else will do
I'd prefer to remain nameless
Than hear it from any other than you

move me, kindred spirit
to be inspired once again
by quick birds and perfect flowers
by glimmers of light sparkling in a sunset
by the regenerating hearts of night crawlers making beds of earthen waves

let us appreciate, together
the simple joy of
breathing simultaneously

Will you miss me
when I'm gone?

Or will you find me still
in the brisk breeze
the pauses in biology class,
at the lunch table,
the near-empty libraries,
on the children's swings,
the tree branches,
and feel lighter as you realize that I had never left?

Or will that only make my absense heavier,
a grief impossible to escape with so many reminders.

Or will you not care,
and make a fool of me thinking that you'd miss me.

Love you enough to lie to you
and hate you enough to tell you the truth

Your love was a locked wooden box
And I had the key with me

Far away we are
But at least when we look up
We see the same sky

My friends used
To always be around
Good times, bad times
It didn't really matter
Every day was a new
Exciting adventure

Fast forward 10 years
Our group is scaterred
All over the world and
We've become merely
Memoirs to reminisce
On my insomnia nights

You live in fear
You are a coward
Afraid of action
Become the terror you fear
Become fear itself
Know your true power
Be unafraid to unleash the beast
But once done
Accept it
Remember it
You are terror

What I felt, looking at the bleak wall
Enclosing my pain, heartache and all
Was the wry and olden heap of sorrow
Being fed by the shapeless and odorless morrow
And the evergrowing storm within

i watch sitcoms so much
because it makes me feel like
i actually have friends

how could anyone love an eliza
when it stumbles off my tongue
like it doesn’t belong to me?

Do not stand
          By my grave, and weep.
     I am not there,
          I do not sleep—
I am the thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints in snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle, autumn rain.
As you awake with morning’s hush,
I am the swift, up-flinging rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the day transcending night.
     Do not stand
          By my grave, and cry—
     I am not there,
          I did not die.
— Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934

The time we had,
Said the truth we didn't,
The troughs i had,
Were the words you whispered.

The reality hits hard,
When we know we can't,
But the love we have won't depart,
In our hearts it's a brand new start.

Today I took
The long way home
Added a few extra miles
To my beat up VW while
Listening to some oldies
And watching the sun rays
Gently finding their way
Through the trees before
Fading in the horizon

Today I took
The time to see past the
Darkness I was plunged in
To appreciate there's beauty
In the perpetual changes of life
For most things might never
Be as they once were
But what matters
Will remain...

Down on
the farm
A farmers
daughter lay
I lie
beside her
In the
warming hay.
Well I got
to tell you
That was
the beginning
Of one hell
of a day.
There was
me just
A  little
shy
Didn’t
ask any
Questions
There wasn’t
any why
From this
young lad
A non ****** I.