Companion
                    For
Life.
          liar!
Leaving me behind,
Soar, soar!

You selfish bird.
Spread your seeds;

moonlight gleams like pearls across
your chest, stars dancing, imprinting dots
upon your naked flesh

and I could not stand the sight of it,
so I stepped out, barefoot into the night

and I don't know where I'm going
but I'll just keep on walking
until the darkness is behind me

full moon,
college kids **** kegs,
wallflowers paint
red ocean baptisms.

Sometimes I think about all the moments where I could’ve never met you. It hurts my heart to think I could’ve missed out on you. It makes me cry.

your lips on mine

but i feel

nothing

i know i should

i want to

i need to

i try to

but i don’t

what words ring in my ear when its half past midnight
between the lands of the torn apart and the torn open
realize the shallow pond I've been drowned in looks a little like where we first exchanged our crooked letters
do you feel an inkling peaking at you through the window pane
did it tell you to run
did it make speak to the smallest voice in your chest
will you run?

Aquí estoy con mi pobre cuerpo frente al crepúsculo
que entinta de oros rojos el cielo de la tarde:
mientras entre la niebla los árboles oscuros
se libertan y salen a danzar por las calles.

Yo no sé por qué estoy aquí, ni cuándo vine
ni por qué la luz roja del sol lo llena todo:
me basta con sentir frente a mi cuerpo triste
la inmensidad de un cielo de luz teñido de oro,

la inmensa rojedad de un sol que ya no existe,
el inmenso cadáver de una tierra ya muerta,
y frente a las astrales luminarias que tiñen el cielo,
la inmensidad de mi alma bajo la tarde inmensa.

it was 4am when
i noticed his text.
“are you up?” he asked.
rubbing my eyes, i answered,
“yeah. need to talk?”
because anyone who is awake
at 4am is either heartbroken
or in love.

I'm a modern woman.
I give so much love and healing words to others,
but leave myself empty until I'm bird bones.
Maybe one day I'll learn to be more tender and love myself like a painting worshipped in the Louvre.
I'll treat my body the way I treat a lover.
I'll kiss myself up and down until I go numb.
I'll feed myself the sweetest peaches, plums, and cherries.
I'll finally see all my curves as rivers and valleys blooming endlessly with flowers the color of the setting sun.
I know this is journey that cannot be rushed into,
but my mind is more stubborn than I am.
So I must learn to be patient,
I must learn to be kind,
I must learn to give myself a minute.
I'll fake it every day until one morning I'll wake up and see myself as soft,
as beautiful,
as elegant,
as powerful
as the Renaissance women worshipped in museums.
I've looked like them all this time.

Mental
Physical
I want you wrapped around me
I want your fingers between mine
Your breath over my body
Breathe life into me
I beg you
I want your name engraved on my lips
Your sweetness covering every piece
Molded together
I need you
Inside me, my mind, all of me
Fill my missing parts
Smooth my broken edges
I surrender
Put me back together with your body
With your words
Force me to be hole again  
Blow, break, burn, cool and make me new
Wrap your name tight around my insides
Brand me
I can be what you need
Never ending cravings
I’ll fulfill your needs
Euphoria
I was born to make you feel it
Mentally
Physically

I say I don't like you
         Try to convince myself the feelings are gone
Pretend to be okay with all of this

         Then I watch you run
Your fingers through your hair
         And my heart drops

Together,
Forever,
You and me,
The river and the sea,
I flow into you.
You and me,one,
The moon and the sun,
Light, I take from you.
You and me,
The flower and the bee,
Together we make honey,
To make life sweet as can be.
16/9/2019

She left
I
lit her memories
to fall into..

My written words are a sin to your glory
and the silent beauty in your fair smile.
By theses words, i owe a poet’s debt
not to make false what is beyond my words
to write by coping poorly what nature’s hand has made.

But write only what love can express
in these poor words...      
Words that are silent before your beauty.

For my words come up short of devising your
praise. Your beauty is beyond my words, maybe to be
read only in the silence that lives in my soul.

I’ve been listening to music late at night lately
It hasn’t really helped me deal with the coffee
The songs bore, and even the new are dull
To the core, I don’t think I know between lull

I've disappeared into myself
And reality seems
.
.
.
.
.
.
distant

I crossed that fence
And ignored the warning sign
Walked that road
And ignored all the stop signs
I wanted to be rebellious
But i ended up broken hearted

why dont you see potential in me

i score higher than everyone else

ive been playing longer that everyone else

ive been doing this longer than everyone else.

and

im not good enough

i dont get a push

i dont get help

i wanna be challenged too

I wanted to kiss you goodbye,
but you’re such a light sleeper.
You were dancing with the angels, I could tell.
You were smiling with no worries,
I know life can be hell.
Couldn’t disturb your peace,
when you make my pain ease.
I wanted to hug you goodbye, your arms feel safe.
You are my haven, but I’ll tell you at my pace.
I will repay my debt.
You gave me all the right things,
when I had nothing left.

She dances ethereally.
As possessed as the leaves flitting to the tune of a breeze.
Pledging her rhythmic heart to the beats
She unfurls gracefully—
Footloosing to every note harmoniously.
Her supple form traces meandering rivers,
Imitating waves of music flowing,
Creating effulgent symphonies scenting.
So unaffected, so ardent her step, that
Gravity, enchanted by her resplendent feet
Loosens his spell—
So she may flutter around unbound.

She's smiling
Someone made her eyes glow
I've tried, I guess I can't be that reason

Mine is gone
She's my reason
Yet  I can't smile for them

the people who hurt me have better lives now, i think i am the world's problem

Thinking about feeling about
When I was feeling being loved by her
Was some kind of spiral
Some kind of collaboration with her -

Like our times together were on film
And it was a Her-in-my-Head kind of time ,
All the memories and the moments
From a **** Bill pantomime.

It was like our living & loving forever
Was going to go just as planned
And we'd be Adam & Eve at the End of Days
As the last tree burned and we held hands -

Don't get me wrong we were no Bonnie & Clyde
Playing out the tragedy of the old Midwest,
In a lovers' rush to take one final ride
On our way to a certain romantic death.

Thinking about dreaming about
Being her dream of perfection
Was some kind of wish fulfillment
Like an immaculate Inception

As she made it all up and our screenplay unfolded -
Every day in every way I woke up in her story
Until the CGI FX in my head-space exploded
In 5 point surround sound and Technicolor glory -

It was Cinéma vérité, a Love Affair with twists.
It was endless sequels, Terminator and Matrix,
The Towering Inferno and us trapped in the lift -
Fade to to a pile of melting yellow bricks...

The End.

I’ve been floating aimlessly
in a dark and icy sea,
waiting, just waiting,
for life to make something
out of me.

I wore my heart on my sleeve
vibrant and true
but you ignore the wash label
bleached anew
I wore my heart on my sleeve
and became stained by you

- i need a new jumper

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m stupid –”
I know it sounds stupid,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

I love you like five hundred

keep your eyes closed love.

           e     t      
       m           i
    o                 m
s                        e  
                            s     all you have to
                                                                ­
                                                                ­ l                  is to what the sound
                                                           ­      i            n
                                                  ­                s           e
                                                               ­          t

                                                              ­                               v
                                                               ­                         a        e
                             ­                                          of the  w               s
                                                               ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­            tells  you
                                                                ­                                        to do.

Ink on the nib
Taken to note
Says all I can
As if I spoke

Prepared carefully
Been blown dried
Folded tightly
And then sent tied

Then one waits
Where its been
Only to wonder
If to be seen

If truly read
It would show
If kept closed
None would know

So the wishes
They were sent
Whether felt
As they were meant

and I cry,
and I sob,
and I curl up inside;
and I hide,
but you find,
am I losing my mind?
I am fine,
I am well
but I feel
like im dead;
I am here,
nowhere else,
and I can't disconnect;
I am hurt
I'm in pain
and it won't go away;
tears won't dry,
they just run,
faster with every day.
Losing sight,
dim the light;
no, I don't want to see,
let me die,
bury deep,
ill return
in your sleep.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.