the way the
story twists -
all the harm
came from your
hands, and yet
in the end
I am the one
to carry the
blame.

Why waste my breathe.
When you can't listen to anybody else but yourself.

I'm not sorry for your lack of patience.
But I am sorry, you lost me.

Because when the roofs on fire
and my life is falling apart.
It's okay to be the fool.
Because he's walking off a cliff with a smile on his face.

So who's really living their best here?

The reason why our dark side is so extremely dark
BALANCE
We fail to realize how good our good is

There are honest people
                                        I’d like to bet

Or are we just out
                       To get what we can get

O' please are you still be there?
                             I’ve not met you yet

when you're beside me all I think is heaven
and when you're looking at me i'm wishing that it's 11:11.

I thought

we’ve been    through it all

but you            threw it all

 away.

-

nothing is left
                             now but
  
my broken pieces

Some dreams can never be shared, Some dreams can never be told,
When your old; when your cold.

I look into your eyes, and I wonder where you have gone?
and I pray; yes I pray, that you've made it through the stars !

Some dreams can never......

i stared at it.
it's been over two weeks since i've written a piece and it's been over a month since i continued my book.
hopeful that it'd move and let me write,
like the way my cat likes to sleep on my keyboard.
please move.

Darling!
I dipped my simple verses
In full of emotion
Hoping to drown you in it.

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

faith
is
what
giveth me strength
if
we
burst through
every cloud
to mature
and
to endure
and
to find a rainbow

Embrace obstacles in life,
As the darker the skies,
The brighter the stars shine.

August burned quickly, incipient nostalgia
prematurely vanished, mellow and gentle
sea stone on the tiled table, cedar plank
with fish, sunset through the eye-slit window

thigh high in life and riding wherever life
takes me like a hopeless romantic

our love was the look you gave me -
full of longing -

controlling me with your voice
and your legs,

until i collapsed, wild and hungry,
desolate and content,

every heartbeat seeking love,
every dream imagined.

I'm stronger than you think, you know.

I will bloom despite the snow.

You made me smaller
To you - all devoted
nothing inside me - but you, you, you
I became so distant from my truth

You reduced me to a cartoon - no longer a girl
or a woman for that case
You reduced our love to a quick bed -
and I accepted it so well
Losing, dying and I couldn't help
Crying, rotting away!
I could see it sometimes, but didn't dare to face
Now I've got clear vision - I see for miles
Everywhere

And I don't want to go back to that place
to that state
I feel strong. A real life size girl.
Smaller. Love made me a Bonsai girl

On you I was fed
but it was poison running my veins
in the very last days
It never was enough
I just want to grow!

You were not aware - I buy that
but now I am - I gotta take care
I might have lessened myself -
but to step back it's okay

Yellow petals swept
In buttered popcorn piles
with resentful brooms

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

the hardest part
was admitting
not, that i had
loved you once
and it was lost
but, that i had
loved you once
and never stopped

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

And when I met you
       I had no idea
That all the seemingly small moments
Would collect like raindrops in a storm

        I didn’t event stand a chance

Swept away

         But ,oh, the ride was beautiful

oh, but look at what grew

all because of the dirt
that they once threw

i never intended
to take apart
all the pieces
you glued back
together

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

Oceans of green
Only making waves
When the wind blows
Leaps of faith
As crickets jump at opportunities
Bullfrogs moaning for attention
Oaks stretching up and out
Touching their toes
As time puts another ring on
Imagination making shapes
Out of cotton-ball pillows
The world around me
Quiet and quaint
As long as I’m alone
Without the bickering voices
Of politicians and dramatics
Peace is never too far out of reach
It’s just a few steps past the wood line
Where man has yet to travel

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019