I strip the sheets from
My lonely bed
I tremble with anguish
At what remains unsaid
I panic again
The aloneness wins
I can’t seem to bear
Its various sins

Nothing is wrong, yet
Everything’s awry
Beauty surrounds
A Mystery Sky
Please help me, I pray
Help me to be
Alright and steady
Wondrous me

If I’m beautiful
In the forest
And nobody sees me
What happens then,
To my lustrous beauty?
It’s so immaterial
An unneeded question
Beauty is a trick
It’s not the bastion

I’ve been seeking
Nor is Love
Nor is your touch
There’s just only me
Always “too much”
It makes no sense
I swim in these waters
Dead cold fingertips
Lamb to the slaughter
Sickening sinking
Shaking and sweating
You’re no good for me
You are everything

Am I ok in this moment?
Yes, I am whole
Terrible minutes and hours
The dark, dark hole
I sink into when he’s gone
Is useful in a way
It helps me to rise
Again, above the fray
There, I contemplate
The relentless gutting pain
Of this loneliness creation
This hollow empty frame

My angel, my guide
My source, my pride
My energy, my love
Come fill me up, don’t hide
Your energy from me,
I need it so desperately
To set my heart free
To set my heart free

Still Fighting It
- No Surprises
- Motion Picture Soundtrack
- Mad World
- Pyramid Song
- Mr. Blue Sky
- 4 Minute Warning
- Daydreaming
- Right Where It Belongs
- Something I Can Never Have
- The Day The World Went Away
- One More Light
- I Giorni

His pull was undeniable by her
She felt it across the vastness

How can someone make you the happiest yet the saddest version of yourself?

i was just accepting rejection
i’ve been receiving the lesson
walking through pain to the

ultimate blessing

My first blind date was a disaster
finishing after the appetizer
The second ended even faster
before my first Budweiser

The third blind date went all so wrong
she said I was a creep
The fourth continued for too long
that she fell asleep

The fifth date actually made me cry
but I'll be fine again
before my sixth blind date I'll try
drinking Heineken

the cement was poured over the dug up earth,
but despite all efforts to prevent its growth,
one very determined little flower cracked the cement
and bloomed in the concrete jungle it was born into.

I used to read your poems
but lately you don't write
you're silent and aloof
you know that isn't right.
You can't close a door once opened
you can't abolish all your dreams
you're a poet of the heart
mustn't fall apart at the seams.
Say what you can in words
they speak the message true
spoken from the heart
the poems will see you through.
A hermit's not your style
a recluse, you are not
never give up writing
of things that you've been taught.
I used to read your poems
I'd read them once again
if you would send them out
(this one's from a poet friend)

I don’t want to
Open my mouth
Because I’m still afraid
The truth might come out
And if it does
If it really breaks free
You’ll see what I am
You’ll see the true me
The one I hide
With jokes and lies
I’m a terrible person
All jokes aside
You don’t seem to know it
You don’t seem to see
Even a glimpse of that person
That I know to be me
I’m such a good actress
I hide it so well
Cover it with a laugh
And you’ll never tell
You see depth in my eyes
You see love and emotion
But what would you see
If I ever did open
I can’t bear to find out
I can’t bear to show
The me you don’t see
The me that I know
If I let it out
If I let it be
I know for a fact
That you would hate me.

613 200 Hours
25 550 Days
13 Cars
11 Jobs
9 Dogs
6 Surgeries
5 Children
4 Grandchildren
3 Marriages
2 Siblings
1 Weary soul.
No regrets.

To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.

They said,
"The most beautiful art is
looking into someone's eyes
when they talk about the
things they love."
And I said,
"Or looking at someone you love.
Or maybe, just maybe,
by looking at the mirror
is the most beautiful art
anyone should appreciate."

They say "time flies when you're having fun." But I don't remember having any fun.
And I know I'm not the only one.
I remember working. Fighting about money. But, for the life of me, I don't remember my kid being much bigger than a bunny.
I remember being stressed in great detail.
I even remember daydreaming
about getting a boat and sailing away.
But of all the things I wish I could remember,
I wish I knew where the time had gone.
Where my life had gone.

My words are my thoughts,
some ,
unsaid,
some,
unheard,
Some felt,
and others undeserved.
My heart and mind,
my love and my hate.

All once yours,
are now just my words.
It’s all I have left of you.
Words.

So many poems
and stories
have gone unwritten
due to fear of not being good enough

Breathe
Create a Magic Forest and
Walk through it, treading lightly and
Beset upon by fireflies —
In the dark, the blessed dark
I still miss my illusions, but
Thankfully I’ve identified
Yet another of the lies that
I’ve been telling myself
About us

Notice
The splendor of the whiteness that
Exists in the dark blue of night
In the clouds
The way they carry long-gone light
Somehow, these illusions teach us
To be grateful for existence
This can sometimes offer the necessary consolation

Learn
See those lies — you know the ones
It feels like righteous indignation —
You can’t help but recognize it, it’s
A very high horse
Very high indeed
I have long felt so lost about all this, so
Unwilling to take responsibility
For the chaos I created
In the past

Give
A tiny bit or a lot, give what I need
I keep forgetting that, too
Forgetting to be humble — and lest
Anyone worry
Regarding the object of my humility
I haven’t capitulated in the least
I am humble before Creation
Not a man

Shine
In your eyes because I know them,
And you, I know you, it’s just
That I’m afraid of you, yes
That I’m afraid of you is hard to admit
Because sticks and stones, right?
You only ever use words
You love babies, and our baby, and me
You insist the sun shines out of my ***, even, but I don’t have faith
So I barely try
Because I’m afraid!
Of one cutting word
Just one
I don’t need faith in you, darling and
Love of my life
******* soul mate I would never, ever get over, no ******* way, no matter how much I hate you sometimes and I even tell you that but it doesn’t matter it’s still hard
To shine means I have faith in me
Loving you beyond my fear
Requires that I glow

Pray
*I seek strength not to be greater than my Beloved, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

I saw you
Through the screen
On that second
Why did I think
It was meant to be

Now read from bottom to top.

Flying or falling-  
In this air of love,
Seen of our love, to be foul
In the night, your body-
I prey nocturnal to it like an owl.

Fly south to avoid the cold,
In our habitat;
Nestling to keep warm
Woken by a birdsong-
The whistle of your tweets,
I hear of them all daylong.

A cuckoo following notes,
To clock in time
Of the entire flock, My birdie-
Your beautiful wings, I love the most.

Two love birds,
You and I,
You seem so cold, My snowbird-
Why won't you sing,
My songbird?
Let's be free,
feast on each other's seed.
Lift your despair,
Carry your purity on Angel's wings.
Spread yourself to me,
Let my wing guide you across the seas

There needs to be a goodbye.
Inside my head at least.
There is only an endless sea of ideas that are having their feast
And I feel like drowning in it.

It is funny, because I just now am learning to swim,
At the tender age of 28.
And it was looking like I might actually be able to activate
The truth within me.

Couple months ago I have found the sense
To escape the lies.
Before that of course I was only looking for truth inside your eyes.
All I found was

A man incapable and a woman unable.

She was, well, not me.
Some twisted, cornered,
Broken version of me that I never could have imagined the honor
Of even dreaming.

She was looking for healing
In every pair of eyes,
but hers.
In every gush of wind to bring the release and the lightness
For the spirit in her soul.

And her soul, oh her soul cried.
Tired, trying to be heard,
Her soul tried every trick in the book of the earth.
And she heard.

Finally, angels praised, she awoke.
Her soul was revealing the truth she has always known.
It is dark, 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night and as always,
She is alone.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

your name is
forbidden in
my mouth
or in my heart
because when
i think about
you;

i'll cry a little more,
hurt a little stronger
love a little softer
because you no longer
make me feel sober

i'm drunk on the
memory of you

I met a woman
brutal in her mercy.

Her embrace was a clinch
to prevent hard blows.
She pulled me close to push me away.
Seeing my nakedness
she leant me a dream
of chainmail and shield.
Taking love from me she gave a reprieve
to a mind resigned to the slow death of feeling.

Ignoring my words she heard
my faint silent heartbeat and
understood that it was music
too quiet for the world to hear
and turned it up louder
than I could stand.
I wept in my deafness
as she danced.

Speak the most beautiful words
sensuously
singing into the void we all are
cover me with sea mist
compressing every sound
each moment is your presence
and mine
plunge the deep drop
dizzying, below these high cliffs
take me down in rainbow spray
to cold green blue waters
as the fulmar flies
arc the void
reality trembles,
step beyond
down here
below the surging waterline
where you are mine

we can't go back
to where we were
but please know
that silence carries
happy memories and
wishful dreams
for a life i want to share ...
even when i say
nothing at all

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

There were people in every room
Inthe hallway
In the street
There was no where safe
No escape
No secret harbour
Nothing
Eventually he found an alleyway
Wonderfully empty
Until he noticed the human canvas
Sitting crosslegged in the corner
That's the day he painted his first masterpiece
Thats the day that he met me

between you and me,
i'm still rooting for us.

maybe not in this lifetime,
but in the end.

Those sweet white lies
offered a feeling so nice
I drowned, I cannot rise,
and pain was the prize.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

I write because it literally saved my life ...

I found myself in a dark place where the light never seemed to exist
A place where I was convinced I couldn't escape from

I write because that's when I actually feel understood

Writing feels better than just hearing "I'm sorry ", "I wish I could help" or just getting that blank stare they give you when they are trying to care

I write because this is how I understood myself finally