I sit
on a canopy
of cool air
straight,  aligned
my soul afloat
heart gently graced
Lotus palms,
fingers touching
as chakras form rainbows
from my base,  
all through my spine
divinity frothing free
In prismatic pulses
my heartwaves
flushed of poisons,
energy cleansed
I am open
as the universe opens
to me
my third eye
in blossom

and even here
you reside in my
tiniest of fibers
even if I wanted to
I couldn't wash you out
you look into me
parting me,  gently
reaching into my
deepest of
strata

I am fresh fruit,
pulled apart
My juice runs
like a godly river
without me even
parting my thighs
Time and time again
I am electrified
touching this earth
the ripe flow of you
folds me into
little earthquakes,  
seismic vibrations
Only felt by me,
shaken to subtle core

and even if I tried to
resist it
you melt into me
like breath
you rock me
from chaos
into still ponds

So
for now
to calm the raging
waters that flow over
and through me
I sit
I breathe
and feel
one with
the heavens
and earth
the inner magic
rushing to me

I have myself,
woman of woman
and you,
a part of
     my landscape
forever

I’m not going so say it again
But you know what this is about.
I don’t know why I keep feeling this way.
I wish I could stop

Not a single person has caused me as much pain as you have, other then myself of course

You ask me to speak,
Why are you so quiet? You say.
And when I do
You breathe nails
Into my lungs
and through my heart.
Silence. you say
I didn’t ask for
your opinion.

Lunas sudah
selepas kutelusuri
segenap
frekuensi relatif
tak bersisa
aksiku menghadang dirimu.

Bukan khayal
angsa anggunku
satelit jiwa kala lampau
heranku dibuatnya
gamblangnya usaikan
cerita.

Benarkah
kesembronoanku?
Dambaku, kau tanya nalarmu.

Buram rekamanku
namun tak lagi
ada inginku berceloteh
per kau lempar ke kolong
tak beri sela kompromi.

Mustahil pudarkan rasaku,
hanya pikiranku,
luruh binasa.

Setakar janjiku,
ini kali terakhir aku datang padamu.

Makasih ya
Kini, aku berhenti mengugat
walau tanganku bergetar pelak
Tuhan buat yang baik menyeruak
kutenang, tak lagi koyak,
toh jika baik, kembali dipersatukan kelak.
demikianlah.
akhirnya kulepas juga genggamanku.

I see the lights through the window
Forming shapes in your ceiling
We lie in bed and you look at me
You don't say what you are thinking
But you smile and get closer.

I hear the traffic through my window
Keeping me awake till late at night
Too late to say what I was thinking
That time I wanted to stay
But left anyway.

You are proud
you are ahead
in your life
from your mates.

Don't!

Life is unpredictable
they can try hard
you can't foresee
even a moment later.

Beware!

If you've succeeded
reach a better point
it's not guaranteed
you stay forever.

You once said
Your love for me
Will never die
That you would love me
For evermore.

And now you tell me
That it is all gone
That nothing is sempiternal
Nothing lives for eternal

women
when they love someone
open and close
open and close
with the light of your kind face
and softer words
in excitement she opens
in care she closes
Be an ever fair expression to find petals facing out

time to pinch me
come and go
gloss lover you're like golden breath
for the grass and the wind

It's just one moment
of forgetting
and then suddenly
the world is ending

We could have had it all
the rainy kisses
the long nights
the warm tights, the love, the storm, the screams, the fights the lights
in our eyes
when we found what we were looking for in everyone else
we could have had it all
but when we almost had everything
u just f*cking cut everything into pieces
and now I'm only left with
my own mind

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

(A WARNING TO THE CURIOUS)

Distance yourself
from this world
before you
into its troubled atmosphere
are hurled

Only you.

there is an air in you,
i feel it is too much.

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

flowers wither
new ones will grow
in their place
this much I know

the strength to keep going
this year I have lacked
but a flower I am
like a flower I will; grow back

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

Now I’ll always wonder
Does he love me for me
Or does he love me for my body
Does he want to be with me
Or does he just want to sleep with me
Does he mean it when he says he loves me
Or is he telling me what I want to hear
Does he just want to see me bare
Or does he really care

A glance into the mirror that led me astray
The phantoms of my mind whirring
and with no delay, the tears drip
The tight grip around my chest
A writhing conniving visage stares back
and with no thought to others, I let the tears drip
All it took was a glance and here I am someone else
The Phantoms have stopped whirring
and with no one left, not a tear can be shed.

I don’t even want you.
I just wanted to reject you.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

Before the sun could tell time
I became an expert of her
My instrument is her eyes
It took ages of practice
I learned from the moon
And all the colors of the sky

All the stars fall
Our eyes in between
The wind is real
No pain is free
The air is hers
She lets me breathe
Her words are the light
When she talks I can see
Now the window of her
Has unlocked for me
Through a million past lives
Together was the key

stones rise to the sky
red canyon walls box me in
sated on colors

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.