I heard  a song not long ago and it made me think of us.

The song ended and that to made me think about us.

You’re not invisible, only see through...

You believe in yourself
But they don't.
You lose yourself
But they did first.

Death is coming
It's coming fast
No use in running
Life wont last

But while you still have your freedoms
Before that day
Make peace with your demons
Before you burn away

They said
Feelings do not matter
But facts do
What if it is fact
The way I feel
For you?

What new ****
Have I
gotten myself into?

There's a hole in heart

A void in my mind

A deep desire for nothing but want

A need for something like fun

Adventure and thrills

Seekers and pills

Falling into a blackness

So dark I'm turning blue

Such stark it's only true

Helpless and innocent

Forgiving and iridescent

I bond with strangers

Act bold, I'm not the tamest

I am stuck, so stuck

I don't know how to get out of here

This place, this room, this hide

This mask, this facade,

This glass, this wall, this broken bridge

It is all burning up into flames

Watch it, sink

Down it goes deep into

Black Waters

- soulwriterj

every day i cry
is one more until you’re mine

Sometimes I feel like I’m treading on eggs
But I’m just fine
Because I imagine they are your head

It was about an hour train ride
One to relax
Reflect
Think of past regrets
& stress about future ones

I kept punishing myself for not being whole after four years
But I didn’t realize that if I never spoke about it
I was never going to get any where in my recovery
So I finally began the process to victory
It is one of the hardest things I have ever put myself through
I am grateful for each tear I am shedding
Because I know they get me one step closer to being new
For every panic attack and punishment I have done to myself
I apologize for not beginning my path to recovery sooner
I am a work in progress and I am getting better

I gave you everything,
I'm left with nothing.

I figured out today that maybe I'm not as cold-hearted and loveless as I show the world.

Life is a matter of perspective
And happiness is a choice
But the smile I paint upon my face
Doesn't mask the sadness in my voice
Just because I know joy is inside me
Doesn't mean I feel it in my heart
I search for peace every single day
But finding it is the hardest part
It comes so easy for others
As it did to me once before
It's not that what I have isn't enough
It's that I used to have so much more

There were shards in a pile
till you came along
and made me smile
my heart was broken
but now is a token
for bringing me back

I prep myself to sleep
Preparing for the war
I grab my pillow
To cushion my fall
I grab my blanket
To hide from my dreams
It’s a constant replay
Of what we used to be

Awake never remembers you
Your smile, your laugh
Your cry, your mad
Sleep savors you
Remembers you
Embedded you in my dreams

I fight
No longer will I wake up
Forgetting what i once remebered

“She wanted this
And he wanted that
And they need this
But what about what I want
And what about what I need” she said
But
All we ever needed was to feel wanted
And all we ever wanted was to feel needed....

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

the count starts now (tired of tired)


I read your outcry at 3:00am
posted on Facebook

you are
tired of tired
sick of sick
the only question, will it ever end...

rise this day,  start another way...

count your blessing
count against all odds
for there are more than merely one

use both hands
both hands chested to feel the heart thrusting,
for living is a wondrous blessing unique
an unbelievable to believe than so many beats,
born and borne,
by you, a strength unequaled,
you a richness possessed

count that one first.
count my hands holding your shoulders.
count that as two, one for me, one for you.

more? more.  

mirror.  find the tiny light in each eye against a yellow backdrop.

add two more. for they are a sparking confidence of confirming.

you felt the heart thrumming
go back, feel the breathing warmth breaching forth.
add another. for now known you can never ever be cold.

wash the face, wash away the caution that sleep leaves,
the coverlet of fear that fears you not to dare,
amazing that tap water plain is sacred when it
miracle breaks you out and anoints thy forehead with pure oil like the kings of yore, be a kingly human being.

go out. do not return
until one act of kind is performed and
count that as a thousand blessed, a sum recurring recounted

walk humble and the path will always appear.
walk contented for you can be both king and servant,
there is no difference - you must be both to be the other
one.

and if you still cannot raise the head,
call me.
that would be a blessing for me
and I will hear your blessings sounds mine merge,
dear friend and no more stranger,
that is the simplest definition of our learning to count to
infinity

i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.

I go around writing songs
Of love, hate, and fear
Humans' heart and childern's dreams
Lost among melodies and notes
Until you came
And put me in your song

Yesiree!          

SELF-HELP BOOK

I may be broken
But I'm anything far from fragile

I’m
       Falling
                     Down
                                  A
                                       Staircase
                                                        With
                                                                  No
                                                    Chance
                                             Of
                            Getting  
                    Up
Everything
                     Disintegrates
                                               I
                                                   Destroy
                                                                  Anything
                                                                                    I
                                                                       Touch

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

i was always behind you
and somehow it was enough;
loving you from afar

I’ve lost equal space and friend
Lost monetary things
Lost pride
Take the bread
Take the water
Take land
Take the soil where I stand
Take the robin’s morning song
Take it all
Bare are these bones
Unadorned

Life goes by fast
If you only pay attention to the flickering

Life can go much slower
If you become the one that flickers

Life will go on
Life will move on
Life is you and me too

Alone
Sometimes peaceful
Sometimes loud
Sometimes sad
Sometimes good
Lonely is different
Lonely is bad
And scary
Can’t see, can’t hear, can’t breath,
Loneliness suffocates