Is It the candles light that haunts you as I look into you’re eyes ?
the softest touch that you see that creeps ?
Is it my smile that you find hard to look away ?
or just the blosoming sunlight that just got in the way ?

For the love I have for you is genuine,
not a gawdy fun affair ,
where the flowers to much and the one I left in you’re hair ?

Does the ring on you’re finger given to from another fine outlandish man ?
for the smile you had has vanished,
you’re eye brows are raised ,
the candles gone out now with a sweet puff of you’re cheeks erased .

The wax is long ,
my time has gone ,
my carriage waits ,
Outside the mansion gates .
No sooner the sound of the cloperdy clop ,
and the whips cracked ,
the Avenues of trees I see before my eyes ,
I look back and hear you’re cry .

i write tragedies
not sonnets
i'm as dark
as the night
my soul
holds sadness
grunge
is my aesthetic
and cheery
is not in my vocabulary

before i wouldn't dare to imagine walking these streets alone,
yet now i somehow find solitude being on my own.

I'm done. I was hurt. I foolishly cared. Now I dont.
Done.

lace.
silk.
cotton.
it all is well.

traveling hands.
mumbling mouths.
shaky knees.
short of breath.

immobile thing.
mute.
...safe.

God, I know it is useless and dumb
But I can't stop my thumb
Scrolling down her newest pics with her pretty face and pretty laugh and pretty eyes
I see how u see her
And it is not like I don't care
I bet u didn't think of me
when u lost my kiss on her lips
With ur hands warmed by me
on her pretty hips
And sometimes
I think that I found her smile in your eyes

There is a star under the moon
It looks like the star is under the moon
I like to imagine it that way
It's beautiful

                       moon
                         star

I love how close they are
They're so close
Just two reaching hands away
Like lovers separated
By two metal fences
Two different sides
To two different worlds

                       moon
                         star

You are so close
Just reach
Just touch
Just love and be loved

                       moon



                         star

But this is reality
You're far, far away
Beyond two metal fences
But of two different sides
Of two different worlds

I am not a puppet on a string
I am not a dog on a leash
I am human I am me
I am my own person
With my own feelings
Please do not try
to control
My life
OK

Her eyes
reflect my moon.
In her eyes
it's always full.

the nectar of love
only comes with
the poison of pain,
two
for the exorbitant price of one

standing
at the chasm
of life and death
destroyed by love
grief remains
as life’s sole friend

the memories of love
now
belong to time
and this aging body
to the five elements.

© 2019

When we think about the future
we are weighed down
by problems not our own
with a need for solutions
and hopeless debt

Our generation is left with
more loans and less degrees
specialized jobs and old issues
hateful ideas and new love

When we think about the future
we can see a new age
filled with technology
and so many bright dreams
crushed by this flat world

Our generation is left with
heads bowed to a screen
for hateful comments we see
and kids afraid of what
they really want to be

If you could read my mind,
You’d see a thousand papers
Filled with broken poetries
And deadbeat proses
Full of woeful verses
With mournful pieces
Of unfinished stories
That are yet to be written
And failed to be spoken;
If you could read my mind,
You’d hear horrible screams
And earsplitting weeps
From shattered dreams,
Kept in a nasty notepad,
Scribbled on a bed
Of bloodstained words,
Ringing in my head.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the shadows
That lurk within me;
You’d hear the bellows,
Screeching the words
“I’m tired,”
“I’m a failure,”
“I’m ****** –”
I know it sounds ******,
It’s pathetically foolish
And seems too *******.
If you could read my mind,
You’d feel the tears
I had ever failed to cry;
You’d see the people
That make the weak weaker;
You’d see the monsters
That consume my head;
You’d hear the hollers
That failed to be freed;
You’d see the heart
That still bleeds and bleeds.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see the face
I’ve failed to show back then,
The face I’ve faked back then.
If you could read my mind,
You’d see a character
I had ever failed to become
If you could read my mind,
You’d be able to read
A book you never wished
To touch and read,
But sometimes I still wish
Someone could read my mind.

Both can ****
        The only difference is
                      Cigarettes shatter lungs
         She shatters everything

            I remembered the first moment
my lips pressed the filter
     as I lit it up breathed it all
                savored every smoke
       as if we covered up painful lies
        in a container of painkillers

The same way  
we used to pressed our lips
     sparked something between us
           savored every moment we had
    as if our love was a rose
               in a valley of tulips

The voice in my head
screams I'm better off dead,
that sleep is the way
to stop this never-ending day.
I wish I could tell you
that life will get better,
but 19 years of sorrow
predicts a sad tomorrow.

i hated the way we couldn't walk away from each other without leaving wounds.

i see the flyer at starbucks

"are you caucasian?
without mental health
and drug problems?"

wow
i don’t know the answer to any of these questions
is a jew a caucasian?
is the occasional *****, ****-slamming drunken rampage
a drug problem?
as for mental health
i’m a deadbeat poet and unpopular pop musician
i’ve got a job fighting death and boredom
and i just changed my facebook password to "eat ****"
my frustrations have driven weaker souls to homicide
but are these PROBLEMS?

Portraits row on row
Display early British and
American art.

Notable old men,
Newly weds, and families.
Pinned like butterflies.

the pen is still mightier than the sword
the keyboard yet superior to the grenade
and the internet is the bloodiest battlefield
upon which my eyes have ever gazed

so I noticed that we both drink coffee.
just like anyone, we both like ours a certain way.
i like mine sweeter, with just the aftertaste of coffee there.
caramel, sugar, creamer.
i think about when i’ll have my next cup, and the idea of it alone makes me happy.
i don’t care what time of day i have it, i almost always have a cup.
i make time for my coffee.
it might be safe to say i think you like your coffee black.
you might add just the smallest touch to soften its bitter taste, but never too much.
sometimes i think you just pour it and carry on, as though it’s nothing important at all.
as though all it is, is just some quick fix.
like you just want to get it over with.
we drink it in two different ways.
i drink it slowly.
i note every flavor in every sip, i enjoy it.
i note the warmth it brings me.
i like it all hours of the day.
you drink it quickly.
quicker than me, at least.
you don’t care if it burns your tongue, or perhaps you’re used to the pain.
you accept it.
you never let it last, you move on to something else soon after.
i lay in your bed, watching your eyes as they skim the screen in front of you.
your mind is somewhere else.
i savor the moments you look my way, if even for a second, and smile at me.
i wonder if you even notice them.
i feel your laugh vibrate my bones, making the hair on my arms stand on end.
do i make you feel at all?
i reflect on it every time i drink my coffee.
i think about it with each and every sip, taking my time.
something tells me that you don’t do the same.
after all, it's just coffee.
but i put my all into this coffee.
i think you like your coffee black.

11:58

your birthday
is away by two
silent minutes

11:59

I want to
wish you. I really do.
there's this hurt
which makes me
doubt everything
which has happened.

12:00
12:01
12:02
12:03

keeping all
the pain aside
I breathe slowly.

s l o w l y typing the
letters.

I was just a story you could tell,
Stir him up, get him mad as ****.
You didn't love me, that I know,
Only went places you knew he'd go.
When we made love it had to be rough
Vanilla don't upset him quite enough.
He looked across you were all over me
Fast forward a little it's him you'd go see.
Then you'd call me up all out of the blue
And all I could say was 'now what did he do?'
Then I'd write you a poem, we'd meet up in the park
And you'd be back in his arms before it got dark.

she was the moon
radiating the night sky
and dancing among the stars

you were the darkness
the shadow that waxed and waned
through the phases of her life

she grew to believe
that your presence
is what made her whole

but like the full moon
she shone brightest
without you


x.

When I look at you,
I don’t see darkness
I don’t see rain
I don’t see pain

When I speak to you,
I don’t feel sadness
I don’t feel neglect
You always show respect

When I think of you,
It gives me strength
Because you’re so bright
My brightest light

When I dream of you,
I find myself in your arms
Right where I belong
Right where I feel strong

When I fell in love with you,
I knew it was true
Because you drowned my sorrows
And now I can see tomorrow

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.