I always forget how big an impact a place can make
the hostel you never thought you'd miss
the people you didn't realise you loved
until you're back home
sitting on your bed
that same 7 year old bed
in a room where nothing has changed
and your parents say
"It's like nothing has changed"
but everything has
they filled something inside of you thats still full
and now you have to go back to the way things were
and until the smells, laughter and midnight conversations have fully trickled out of you
because you miss that special place a whole lot
Feeling woefully unprepared
To meet you.
That all the moments we have shared
Of the fact, in the eye stared,
That I might not be able to reconcile.
With the belief paired
That I don't know how to reconcile.
Of the words I said when I dared
And then ran away like a coward.
That you no longer cared
A long time ago
Of when reality will be bared
And I will know for sure.
But I know
As sure as there is a tomorrow
That things will never be the same.
People say so much
yet they hear so little
But if you hear so little
how can you say so much?
Words are kept for a reason
yet even knowing that
people always manage
to spill them out
Is this the weakness humans
are born with?
Or is it just the attention
people love so much
that they tend to forget
the trust enclosed with each words
Harsh and frank as I may seem
but being this kind of person
makes you no better than
a murderer who stab and leave
their victims cold dead on the street.
Wake up people!
You are not created to be like this.
You are more than capable
to BUILD rather than DESTROY
I'm not a toy.
But all of this still breaks me
Cotton pours out of my insides
Eyes broken off
Years of dirt caked on my polyester fur
I wanted to be loved
I thought I was
Now I'm in a garbage bag wondering why
What did I do wrong?
Was I not good enough?
You still had a use for me
But your sister thinks you're too old for me
Your brothers thought I was funny to have around
And your best friend never listened to my pleas for help
I told him everything
But I'm a teddy bear
He's a puppet
And he hates me for the truth
So now I'm gone
I thought we were friends
But would a friend do this?
We talk with certainty like
the sun rising every morning
And we look to the stars
to guide us
and to match us
We trust the beings we know nothing about
But we lock our doors at night
And it's okay;
It's a habit to leave during sunset
I don't wonder anymore
Just listen to what Orion has to say
I was 10 when my parents took me aside to tell me why befriending you was a bad idea after a certain incident of saying the wrong thing at the wrong place and time.
They said that you were "a naughty girl" and for me to "don't friend" you.
I was your only friend...
At 11, I continued to be fast friends with you despite it all.
11 is the age all the cool kids get into cliques and bully those who don't belong.
You were my clique.
None of us were cool...
Sure, everyone at church whom we grew up with or watched us grow up thought we were "cool" just cuz' we spoke good English (which none of us do anymore because it got tainted with the colliqial jargon called 'Manglish' - which in itself is a bad joke, by the way) and could draw and act well.
Otherwise, if you think about it...we were the real-world rejects.
At 13, I made the big mistake of seeing my parents' point.
I nearly "didn't friend you"
13 is the age where your reputation matters the most.
And your eyes are open as you awaken from that sweet slumber called childhood to start seeing the world for the ugly reality it is in adolescence.
Suddenly, I started to see your faults.
And you were becoming an embarassing accessory that was out of style.
So we drifted apart.
As I started distancing myself from you and befriending other people.
The "normal people"- who see pearls as pearls and stones as stones.
Trying to convince myself I was "normal" too.
But of course, I never was (don't plan to be either) and none of them were like you.
I only ended up getting kicked to the curb in my attempts to fit in with the "normal world."
So I crawled back to you.
But you'd already left.
I deserved it.
No more bounding out of nowhere to give me excited hugs everytime I visited or you came over.
No more "catching up with Dav"
No more long-ass phone calls on our respective home landlines.
No more sleepovers.
You'd grown up and realized your worth.
And that you were worth far more than this - to be clinging on to an old friend who was starting to drift apart instead of letting me go too like the piece of floating trash I was.
Soon, we stopped liking the same things.
You got into anime - when I'd dropped that interest long ago (once I'd found out how satanic and perverted the industry was. No offense, otakus).
In fact, I'd stopped liking anything at all. Depression does that.
My younger sister picked anime up too and now it's almost like you're her best friend instead of mine because of this little common ground you both have.
At 19, you'd even stopped having my back or defending me in front of people who were treating me like the piece of shit I feel like half the time.
And you mostly still do.
And that was when I realized I'd really lost what we had.
...that I'd really lost you.
And no matter how we try to go back to the start, things can never be exactly the way they before this
No matter how much we try to put the broken pieces of this mirror back together, there will always be a few cracks and missing shards of glass here and there.
Just like trust, friendship is like a mirror.
You can fix it when it's broken but you will always see the crack in that reflection.
Ours falls right between it...
...at the place where our linked hands used to be.
she wants to know me.
where i am from,
who i want to become.
i want to know her, too.
she asks me questions about who i was
and tells me i'm worth the fuss
i smile, knowing everything's alright.
but dear sister, though we win with words
i never was the type to have my voice heard
and i'm sorry for all the times i couldn't just say something
and for every time my glance didn't quite meet your eyes.
yet i promised in that summer promise
that one day we'd shine as bright as his stars and our city lights
and if you can forgive me for endless sorries
i think now's the time we just might.