Meeting you is a wonder
But it was never harder
You are like my half soul
who shares each and everything by whole
I love if you speak more
but I hate it if you do that to other more
You'r heart is as pure as diamond
and carving in my heart forever and ever
Be my bestie for life long and forever

whatever you say about me
says something about you too
as
there is little bit of you in me
and
there is little bit of me in you!

The ******* who we call mankind
Is a place where we're all to reside
We move forward by using our mind
But in the end, on our hearts we rely

We are raised to feel the compassion
We are taught to spread our warmth
But a perfect world is hard to imagine
For on every rose exists a thorn

Grief hardens around us like a shell
And inside we may be flooding with strife
But though mentally we see war and knell
There's always the goodness that lives in life

But despite the evil alive today
There are still others who rely on you
So catch that kindness that wanders astray
For in the end you rely on them too

-- OrcasTogether

I still have that picture of you & I during a hike up some hill whose name I can't remember now taken by another one of our friends who came along with us for the trip. There were 5 of us. This was 3 years ago. That part I remember.

You're sitting beside me on a fallen tree and grinning ear-to-ear while I'm sitting on it coffee-shop-style with one leg up, pouting - because i was tired from the hike. I remember that bit too.

I'll never forget that trip.

I'll never forget our friendship.

I remember showing that picture to my ex when I was still dating him - this time, last year - and him telling me how good I looked in it. At that time, we had become nothing more than strangers with memories.

You were busy with who had now become your current fiancée

I was busy with who had now become my current ex.

In retrospect, I knew it wasn't me who looked good.

It was what you did for me that made me look good.

That ex later on left - inevitably - but the feeling of heartbreak when he left wasn't as bad as the feeling of heartbreak when you told me to **** out of your life because you didn't need me in it anymore. That I did for good.

He broke my heart.

You broke my spirit.

I also remember the way your name went further and further down in my inbox, decreasing with importance later on.

You probably don't even remember that our names used to be the highlight of each others' inboxes at one point in time

People wondered if we were together

Once again, it was what you did for me and what I did for you

I also have the polaroid of that photograph, in case you wondering

It hangs by a peg from the fairy lights by my bed - next to the other polaroids featuring me and my other friends

I took a look at that photograph yesterday evening

And I wrote this.

But you will probably never get to see it

The same way you never got to see...

...how much I loved you.

have you ever felt a friendship die,
gasping for its last breath between scattered texts and awkward compliments?
each wincing inhale a deliberate pause
to find the words you force
yourself to want.
you may need each other but the knife
between the ribs didn’t.
time won’t heal what’s already dead
but the memory of it may be beautiful
and kind like ocean air before your lips
are parched, a firm kiss you want to linger (and does), a lightning bolt against the ****** that reminds you of their warmth.

I will see that maybe
certain patterns have stopped
carving themselves into my heart

see that maybe sunshine and love
And focus have been
All I need

See that I am so closely guarded
because i know how I love
And I'd like to stop
dismissing myself as obsessive

I know how I commit;so readily and I know i can't yet
Fully differentiate queer love
from friendship

I secretly wish I will never have to

"I want to kiss you I want to hold your  hand"
Still doesn't mean to me
"I don't want to be friends"
I love so exclusively in friendships


I actually only love
in friendships

I wouldn't just kiss anyone
I wouldn't just hold anyone's
hand.
I am not going to build intimacy
in a dynamic I don't understand.


I want to love freely
I do not want to be afraid
I love the way I love freely
When I love, I am unafaid


I know I'm closely guarded
Because there is a certain way
I love in friendships
always have loved
its been my way since I
was little

sometimes i can't believe
im queer
but its at home in my chest
precious prizm kaleidoscope rainbow


And I don't want to stop
Loving
so deeply        
just because now some girls
Bring me to my knees

(To my knees to the very floor)

There is a certain way I love;
I announce how sacred it is to me
I announce it to celebrate it

I announce it
to let the other person know
that I am aware;
the way I love opens me
So fully naked and vulnerable to being hurt

i treasure that

so its going to be slow
I'm not going to hurry to unravel
for you just because I know
I will unravel for you inevitably
Though,       my love,
if you just wait,
I will unravel for you, inevitably


I'm not going to
hurry to unravel
for you just because I
admire how quickly
you will get emotionally naked
for me.
I'm in awe of you, but
This is my make up.

I'll want you to enjoy
the slow burn of my unraveling.
Without walking away.
You'll want to enjoy it this way too

I'm going to always take it slow

My friendships have always been
enduring for that

Now
queerly enough
friendships sometimes
bring me to my knees

I'm not going to love differently
just because of
how much more vulnerable
I am now.

My friendships have always
been enduring when I wanted it
and now sometimes they
leave me breathless defenseless
Needing to be alone

I won't pretend I'm collected
And unaffected just to keep
people around.

I'm not going to change how I love
just because of that.