If I dare to stay
Will it be the same?
A silhouette on the way out,
or the way in,
The same old game?

Knives scratch me from within
Whenever you make promises
Knowing you seldom keep them
I am reminded of all my losses.

They were quite eye-opening,
I admit.
Became disillusioned,
Only took a blink.

Like the desert starting to dampen
And the crows singing.
It's never supposed to happen
But honey, even we were breaking.

This still doesn't make sense
Many things left unsaid.
But I should stay quiet
Try to find what they are instead.

Like a fog suddenly lifted,
Clarity to me is gifted.
And Taking a leap of faith I say
Let's forget the days that were gray.

But something good comes out of them,
Now and then.
And things will never be the same again.

I cannot love you.
I’m leaving soon.
I have to push you
away.
I do wish I could stay.

I’ll soon be a memory,
deep in your brain.
I’ll soon be that thrill,
you’ll never catch again.

I’ll soon be the reason
you sit up and cry.
I really love you
and without you I’d die.
But I cannot be with you
so this is goodbye.

I’m leaving soon
so it’s best you forget.
About the laughs we shared.
About the pictures we kept.
The movies we watched.
And the hours we spent.

I cannot love you,
this must come to an end.
But you shouldn’t forget,
you were always my best friend.

Forest green beanie and mustard beanie
We match the autumn leaves
Arms crossed, backs slouched
We match the yellow paint that follows the road as it weaves
Long day walking, sipping creamy coffee and talking
Framed by bricks
sunlight sidewalks
And vintage Knick-knacks
The cold air pinches our cheeks
A season for friendship
Warm and fulfilled
Like our bellies full of hot soup!

A S K  M E
W H A T  I S

W         O  
         R            N  G

Oh, creature of torment!
Come forth and allow me to feel again!

Strike me with your silence
Show me the distortions

DISCORD
                DISCORD
                                                                 DISCORD
                                              DISCORD
DISCORD

Inflate, exaggerate and corrupt what I see.
                        Cause strife.
             Cause dissensions.
     Tell me I was cast aside!

Messed about.
                                                    Toyed with.
                                         Bottom priority.
           This is irrational.

I wish I could write a little bit clearer for you, reader
but it appears as though I cannot fully express properly.

Watch this:
Taste this.

D I S C O R D.

Anger lashed out, spiteful and mean,
Do you want a fight? *** yes! I’m Keen!
Shouldn’t have done it so now I panic,
Rush out the door,
The rain makes this feel tragic,
One drink on the tab at the pub that I work,
Moments silence as I send out my cries for help,
No response,
All drips in the rain,
Am I sad or angry?
Either way I’m without location,
Or motivation,
Tweet something positive in the hopes that it helps,
Even if it didn’t help me might help someone else,
Backtrack on my own advice,
Drinking while vulnerable is some sort of high,
‘Sorry Ollie, I’m with my work friends’
‘I got a mate round’
‘Sorry I’m drunk have a good un’
Bought this upon myself in some respects,
But it always thought I was closer,
Life likes to remind me it’s right to be cautious,
Life likes to remind me that I deserve to be lonely,
Looks like we’re still not over the pain I’ve caused,
Confronting the problems, I’ve been hiding from,
And the people that I know I’ve wronged,
Butterflies in my stomach bubble and fry,
In the gastric acid of these ****** insides,
Facing inevitable truths,
The results of my lies,
These difficult situations,
Got that sad Drake on rotation,
I need to stay hydrated in this heat,
Ye despite this warmth I got cold feet,
Can I turn away now? Please,
There’re harder things to face than defeat,
That’s what I’ll tell myself then tell you if you asked,
But I’m terrified,
I’ve been stripped bare for all to see,
But it’s not enough,
Now I sit,
legs crossed and contemplative,
Do I lash out at myself or lash out at the world?
I wish I could run to Tom,
Or through the past when people cared,
However briefly,
Somebody relieve us of the hardships we lay on ourselves,
The **** we cause and the people we hurt,
How empty we’ve felt,
I could be so easily redeemed,
But I’m so ******* destructive,  
The anger lashed out and hollowness answered,
Guess I drink,
Easier to confront than a shrink.

I wanna speak to you!
But I better keep it in check.

I want to be near you!
But I better keep it in check.

I want to
T̤̲e͚̱͖ą̛̼̜̮̦̤r̢͔͈͙͖̣ ̨̮͔̯͓͎y̴҉̯̤̙̗̞̥o҉̩̪̲̤̣̞̣̝̭u̵̱̥̥͓̳ ̰̦̤̼̀̕ǫ̛̹̲ͅṕ̰̮̖͔͇̮̺͈͍e̹͈̤̠̤̩̹̦ǹ̼  ͎̩ à̝̣̲̥̣͇͓̬n̤̱̝̹͡d̸͕̯͓̱͍̠͉͜ ̛̻̘͈͝w̸̲̘e̼̰͙̜̱͍͘ạ̘̪͔̹̻̬͞ͅr̡̤̞͇̠̫͘    ͠҉҉̩̘͕̣̯̺̗̼y͖͝o̘̠͓̥͘͞ͅų̡̢̦̺
                                                - hear your voice!
              But I better keep it in check

I want to see you come to me!
But I better keep it in check.

I want to make memories with you!
But I better keep it in check.

How
    do
                    I
                                      suggest
        that
I
                  require
so much
                                m o r e  
                from you?




I
          d e m a n d
    t o




è͎͉͈͈͕͍͉͈͚̾̐ͯͮ̒ͩ͛͋̾̃͊̒͌͐͑̊ͯ ẍ͎̪̬̖̺̲̺͖̥ͮ́͂̇͑͐ͨ̈́ͤͤ̌̽ͫͦ̏̇͛ͅ p̹͎̺̬͓̈́̉́ͮ̊̎ r͚̞̩͖̘͕̯̗̲̳͑ͧ̓͌̇̈̂͂͛ͣͥ͋̚ e̫̘̯̦̻̤͖͈͙̼̻̣̯̼ͮͧ̂ͫ̀̇ͬͮ͗̌̈́͒̿̑͗ s̜͚͍͚̯͈̝͉̼̬̯̞̗̼̑̔̔͆̍̑ͣ s̫̯̻͔̟͓̭͍ͤͯ̆̒̎ͮ̑̽͑́̿ͩ̆ͬ͗ͅͅ

Do you like me because
I'm the only one who listens to you?
Do you like me because
I'm the only one that stays when you're sad?
Do you like me because
Only I won't judge what's inside your head?

Do you like me because
I will listen while you talk trash?

Or do you not like me
And "like me"
Just because I happen to be there?

i don’t think you know how i feel about you
i sent a text to my friend
explaining what i love about you
but it turned into less of an explanation
and more of a desperate outpouring of finally
thank *** someone finally asked me to talk about you
i have so many things to say
i had a little too much wine
and you drank too much of a terrible-tasting beer
and you giggled and your cheeks got rosy
and i just wanted your hand on my knee
but i was satisfied with elbows.

i think about that time you spoke in honey
it was sweet before i knew i liked the sugar
but your jacket smelled like a familiar cinnamon
that i hadn’t yet realized i recognized
it was the same when you curled into me
my limbs were stiff and sore and the bed was far too small
and i was covered in a sheen of sweat
because our body heat was creating wildfires
but i still dream about it sometimes.

i can talk to you first thing in the morning
your timing has talked me out of the spiral
i love being your friend more than i have ever loved being anyone else’s
i know you worry
but you really don’t have to.
it’s not the glamour that we keep
it’s the gold.

It happened
I am not sure at what moment
I fell into the abyss of caring
That sweet confusing abyss called love
It could have been while we laughed together
At just how cruel and ridiculous the world can be
Something in my soul was charmed
All the anger dimmed
The sadness seemed less consuming
Maybe it was when you played me that song
I had never heard it but I loved it
It stirred something I thought I had lost
A kind of longing to make the world happier
Perhaps it was when you teared up telling me about your pain
I felt all the things you were feeling in that moment
But I couldn’t help, no matter how much I wanted to save you
I felt connected my spirit to yours intertwined
This world has been cruel
But sometimes the cruelty feels distant
There is harmony for a moment
Intune with the universe