i don’t like thinking about the stain on my brain
about the awful
disturbing things
that i’ve done and seen and played out in my skull
oh no, i don’t like who i am
the truth of it all?
i don’t like feeling this small.
i’m on fire and i think everyone should just let me burn,
or toss me into the pool and then let me drown,
save me just to **** me in a different way,
pull me out and put a needle in my veins
i need to change
i need to want to change.
did you like who i was yesterday?
i think i’ll be her again.
do you think we could scrub my mind clean and just begin again?
i could forget your name and you could forget that night in my bed
no one would need to know a word that i said
and somehow i’ll know not to touch you ever again
and then you could heal and i could be cleansed-
i don’t like thinking,
i don’t like being a part of the torture that was my upbringing.
i don’t like sleeping,
i don’t like being the last bit of defense before you start swinging.
i wanted to be something better than i am today
but i can’t point out exactly when everything blew up in my face
and even though it’s my fingers that are covered in this powder
i’m sure it’s anyone else’s fault for how i got here.

No bars on the windows.
No locks on the doors.
No reason to stay here.
No way I’m ever leaving.

There is not one
Which I have not rewarded,
One I have not punished.
From Cyrus To Moses
And each of their children,
That is their nations.
From Rome to Germany
And their siblings,
That is their family.
You stand with your tribe
And you stand against the species.