Just know one thing,
Something before I leave:
This was never intentional,
Falling in love, being deceived.
I thought I could ignore it -
Push it to the back of my mind -
But it only grew, cultivated,
Leaving any sanity behind.
Just know one thing
Before you leave me forever:
I never meant to fall -
I didn't expect this feeling whatsoever.

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would be beautiful.
But I don't deserve beauty,
Or love,
Or glory.
I lost the love of my father,
Watching it crumble away into nothingness,
And pleading "please don't go."

I'd give anything to miss you one last time.
If I could miss you then existing would be painless.
But I deserve pain,
And hate,
And suffering.
I lost the love of my mother,
Watching it melt between my frail fingers,
And screaming "please don't leave."

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would have no meaning.
I don't deserve meaning,
Or words,
Or tears.
I lost the love of myself,
Watching it shatter into a million pieces,
And whispering "please, just go."

disappear,
stop the fire,
leave no ashes,
leave no traces,
leave no calls,
nor letters,
run, before you're one of them,
before I am like them,
go quiet, make no sudden moves,
breath then leave,
disappear,
before we're equal as they,
they know nothing about love,
nor peace, nor pain,
them, creatures of sins and betray, pure ignorance,
the bloodlust blinds them all,
so leave,
disappear,
run before they see,
them, the great pretenders.

you turn to me but i'm not there
i'm drowning
i told you but you couldn't listen
the thoughts won't make sense
none are clear
they're surrounding
encompassing and unnerving
if i take one last breath
would you notice the body
folded neatly
lying under the baggage
you placed on my back
i can no longer support myself
but you won't take the load
stuck inside your head
and i'm stuck with you
if i stop speaking
i'll stop breathing
so i'll carry on until my
fingers are shaking too much
from lack of oxygen
or sometimes too much
i can hear my breathing
speeding up faster
ready to take off and
fly away with what's left of
my soul and spirit
that you didn't crush
still going as i recognise
the dizzy daze i'm falling into
waiting to collapse in
on myself for maybe
the last time
for a while at least
we both know it won't happen
because of you
i couldn't however much you
argue and scream and shout
or maybe it's because of her
calming my mind
ok i have to stop now
i told you it would get too much
once again i say
i'm sorry
remember me
or the old me
if you can
it wasn't your fault

The moment I ground myself and let Go,  

When I become a realist and Grow

Realise it shouldn't Be...

Is the dreaded day I **** the fraction of hope Silenced in Me.

So impossible Tuesday.

Awaiting decay.
As orange blossom.
In tidal pools.
When it's just right.
Change, reminds me.
Going creaking in the night.
Desperate woods.
In hallways.
But only.
Thank you.


Garrett Johnson.

They say the fastest thing in the world is light
Then how come you are never in my sight?
I cant help but beg you to please slow down
But when I finish, youre already out of town
I cant even tell, as you slip right by
Thats how it'll be, 'till the day I die

I hope that you choke on the promises that you made me.
Every word,
every plan,
every reassurance that you'd always be there,
every claim that I was yours and yours alone,
I hope that they suffocate you the way that your misplaced love sits on my lungs like a brick, sinking deeper and deeper into my soul with every breath I take and every beat of my heart.

I'll miss you always,
I'll want you always...

but I might just hate you always, too.