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I have been broken
My arms around me
Trying to keep myself from falling apart
I am tired
I want to let me go
But I am terrified
Terrified that no one cares enough
To pick me up
Nigdaw Nov 24
they all leave me in the end

I love too soon
without knowing what love is
I want to express it
see if I can wear it
know if I can bear it
but it is unrequited
weird even

and they all leave me in the end
As each day passes I hate myself more
Why does it seem like I’m always in the wrong?
“Know your place”, “you forgot your place” has become an axiom in my head,
I cannot help but think that I’m such a burden, inferior, useless, and shouldn’t live instead

I hate myself so much, everything is my fault no matter what I do
My character is criticised every single time,  the shadows on the wall chiding me for being such a fool
My heart’s so pain, I can’t breathe
With every breath, the more I hate me

The shadows haunt me, criticising every part of me
I need to change my entire self, the more wrong in myself I see
I hate every inch of myself, I don’t deserve to live
Why is it so painful to be criticised continuously, staying positive while taking all these in is a myth

The light casts on the shadows, bringing much happiness into my life,
My heart is full of joy during these times, the sadness and hatred becomes a lie
But when the shadows form and haunt me around at times,
I’m trapped - hatred for myself and depression hides in my cry  

“You’re weak and immature so you cry easily” was what I was told,
Weakness and immaturity adds on to my list - of the lowest lows
I can’t stop crying and wanting to self-harm, am I weak?
Or maybe those words has caused me to fail to accept any part of me

The shadows overwhelm me and engulf my sleep,
“You’re undeserving of anything”, is all the shadows have bestowed upon me
I always feel like I’m at fault even though I’ve tried, why is this so?
My character is questioned - I hate every part of my soul

I can’t help but wonder to myself…

Is the day that my tears dry,
Also the day that I die?
Behind every smile of mine hides a shadow which engulfs me, making me hate me
All your tears are fresh in the morning
Yet, I wait for every clear evening to cope
Wrestling the desolate storm without hope
Hearing closely for sight of some longing

You remember when we watched the rain
A rogue wind hit us and we weren't the same
With every push and shove drew us further apart
We tried to justify the walls because help never came

Did we have some change of heart?
The sun and Earth aren't quite estranged
We were birds of the sky that lost trust in flight
As we endure every month in silence and slight

It's October, I listen to the slow burning of your arms
We have seen worse times in the past and waited hours
Moving ahead from our last, first to last, for the stars
To start a fire, you have to trust the dark
"Faster!"
"Harder!"
Bright, red, fresh blood oozes out
From that small door, it tries to escape,
Unleashing a small bit of self-hate

"Stop now!"
"NO, CONTINUE MORE! YOU DESERVE THIS!"
My mind is in a constant debate

When will the pain stop, when can I hide this facade?
No one knows, maybe this pain will never fade
Megan Oct 4
i wish i never let you leave me
i wish i talked you into staying
i wish i wasn’t so courteous
i wish i confessed my love like i had planned
instead i held my tongue
because
i knew you had made that decision
i knew i had done you wrong
i knew i wasn’t deserving of your kindness
i knew i wasn’t strong
RM Sep 13
We have been through a lot
The ups, the downs and the twist and turns and  whatnots,
but I'm still a stranger in your world;
I prayed for your love, I asked to be a part of your life,
And our hearts now beat as one;
But I'm still a stranger in your world,
I know it's not your fault;
But it still hurts my wound like salt,
Sometimes I feel that I numb all these pain with alcohol
But this past indiscretion of mine is what haunting us all
Now I feel strong enough so I don't fall, and soon enough
I'll stand tall and
That's when you will make me a part of your world, once and for all
And I'll stop feeling like a stranger in your world,
Lonely and small;
Sweetheart, that day is not far away when you will proclaim me to the world as the one,
Till then I'll just hold on and fight everyday and remain strong...
Katy Miles Sep 7
to hear the words, “i was scared” fall from your lips was all the closure i thought i needed.
but i have my answers now, and i don’t feel much better. maybe i feel worse.
closure is a ******* hoax.
my mind can’t leave something behind if it doesn’t make sense to me,
and no explanation will ever make this make sense.
there will always be more questions, more questions, more questions…
i’ll live with the weight of it until they become background noise, like the videos i fall asleep to
until i know they’re there but i can’t hear what they’re asking or what it all means anymore.
but the thought that you couldn’t love someone who would have died for you
god, i wish that thought could leave me the way that you did.
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