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jee 21h
i believe myself to be
Unlovable.

crushes are preposterous,
partners are imaginary,
and soulmates are written about in
young adult novels.

i surprise myself,
half the time,
with the absolute commitment
to my own misery.

i am Unlovable.

yet how do you stand there,
and
just,

Refuse?

you laugh at my jokes,
and eat my food,
and give my self-esteem
a fighting chance.

you praise my painting,
and glow at my singing,
and somehow even
listen to my rambling.

you tolerate my anxiety,
and take my advice,
and even make sure that
i know,
at every second of the day,
that you care.

Love feels
so
far


away.



but you make it seem
    Closer,

    Somehow.


so thank you,
for Loving me.
even though the
thought
is
odd.

thank you for knowing me.

thank you for understanding me.

thank you for caring    so    much,
that it hurts both you and me.

and maybe,

one day,


i can Love you back just as much.
it's hard to imagine myself being loved.
There was a cloud in the sky.
I looked up and it was a heart.
It beat with the wind and took its time to grow.

You sleep in me. Silent in your dreams.
We dream together of journeys through waters and coffees and stars.
The curve of your nose is like half of a heart.

My nose isn't the right shape.

But you dream on. Oblivious and aware.
I say the words and they echo.
The vibrations fall as I do.
And you catch me. I am light enough.
To fall like a devil into the arms of an angel.

We look back down and into each other's eyes.
The cloud is no longer there.
it's hard to believe that I'm so in love with you
Camryn 4d
You say that you love me,
but I know that isn't true,
because how could you ever love someone,
who has always lied to you.

You say that you love me,
and that you will until the world ends,
but I know that isn't true,
cause I lied when we were friends.

Please don't take it personally,
as it isn't only you,
because I lie to everyone,
and no one has a clue.

You see I have these masks,
that I put on for show,
and the face behind them,
the world will never know.

I can easily play happy,
I can easily wear fun,
The world has seen all my faces,
all except for one.

The one no one will ever want,
and the one no one ever sees,
the one with tears in it's eyes,
the one hidden with ease.

You accept all my sarcasm,
and all the jokes I tell,
but you don't seem to realize,
I'm in a personal ****.

So no, you don't love me,
but it's not your fault,
no one could ever love,
who I've locked inside  my vault.
:)
I was ashamed
call after call
they love me
but I'm an embarrassment
my parents would pay
for a place for me to sleep
but I can't let them
because they would know
that I'm all alone
scared out of my body
lost in my own mind
I love them
but I don't have
anywhere to sleep
so I'm "staying at a friends"
The port swallowed dry the remnants of the last season, dryer than the past and the reason was an unbecoming at the seams of the living.
But that seemed like a lie told by a child to an adult.
You had your own ideas swimming in your narrow canals.
For now, anyway, and tomorrow your thoughts would shift to how to pay the rent.
Which is fine. We aren't meant to live secretly,
with too much time and to draw lines between content
and resentment.
So you watch the thinning tides with intent on knowing how they've changed.
And even though the thick black line of watermark
that dots like mold on the dock tells you, "Here I was,"
the lower stillness of placid surface speaks a kind of whisper now.

You aren't listening. The writing has been written.
You're living even though your life is past tense.
******* work, ******* change. Do something to undo the damage laid plain.

But there are still boats buoyed out in the sea.
And for some that's scary but for some reason to me
"It's fine."
the idea of a hole in the ocean makes no sense, but for some reason losing what should be there is scarier than there being more than there should
alone Oct 15
J ust as you are
U ‘re perfect
L ove is a thing
I feel it for you
A nd I’d love for you to feel it too

I …

L ove isn’t a word I like at all
O ddly enough
V ery strange I know
E erie of me but true

Y ou however
O ddly make me want to yell it at the top of my lungs all day
U have my heart
    Do with it as you wish
:)
OwO
I saw someone do the thing with the sentence starts and was like... I gotta try it too
Didn't plan to use it for this ;-;
i've
                    shattered
my finest mirror      
so   that
   maybe   my  
fragmented                      
                     reflection
will look
more      normal  .
am
i    
beautiful yet
    ?
: )
am i beautiful yet?
Fatima Oct 14
Don’t change.
Not for him.
Not for her.
Not for anyone.
Be yourself,
No matter what.
People expect me to be some sort of superhero. Wherever I go I can just turn around, pull off a mask and be a new person. There's no mask, this is my face. This is me. If the only 15 years of my life didn't make me what I am, then what's the definition of a person? Don't expect me to be like the typical person you see here. I've lived an atypical life, I AM an atypical person. That doesn't mean I can't be good, I can't be right, I can't be loving, I can't be amazing. I'm just not what you think I am. So don't expect me to do the same things, and have the same values and priorities in life. I'm Muslim. I'm Human. Allah is closer to me than I am to myself. I love, and Allah showers His love and the love of mankind upon me and I do not know if deserve it. I have things that are important to me and closest to my heart. Don't expect me to shed them off, just because of an illusional factor called time. This is me. I want to be me. Maybe I can change, but I love who I am. And I don't want my past self to be something distant and alien, to my future self. Don't think that your home will become mine, just because you force it upon me. I am home in Allah. I am home where I feel comfortable just being myself. Not having to change myself for people to understand me. There, I am home. I can't keep translating my personality and cutting off huge bits just for the sake of your understanding, for the rest of my life. Please, I beg of you, love me for who I am. If I don't know myself, then who does? I KNOW myself. At least, more than you do. Please don't say my comfort zone is a far fetched illusion. If it is, then my personality does not exist.

Don't expect me to be you. Love me for who I am.
14.10.2018
Been having a few issues with getting important ppl in my life to understand my motives and my next moves. But their inability to understand me stands in the way.
I’m facing a point in my life that I have to make decisions that will make or break my future. It affects the rest of my life. So it’s essential they understand and together we make the right decisions. I’m facing a stage in my life where what I do will ripple out forever, at least for me. I need to drop the right stone in the right place with just the right force.
I’m just not the kinda person people think I am and I’ve adapted pretty well but it’s just not me and I’m incapable of taking that finally step to be just like them because there’s this huge obstacle in between : my personality.
So facing this obstacle, I just wanna say, don’t expect me to be like that. And don’t hate me cuz I’m not like that. I love me and I want to be myself.
When you say what I call comfortable is ridiculous or far fetched or inconsiderate, just know that I’ve thought this through. I know. And there are sacrifices to be made. Don’t break me by saying I’m not who I am.
Cat Lynn Oct 13
You don't know what thoughts you run through my mind
You don't know what trash you'll soon discover and find

You don't know what my words behind the screen really mean
You don't know what parts of my life are filthy, and what parts are clean

You don't know or see the emotions you've caused to ask why
You don't know what you've said that has caused me to cry

You don't know what messages and signals you show
You don't know how much confusion you throw

You don't know what I want to shout and scream
You don't know what nights seem to be a dream

You don't know what hurts
You don't know what scorches and burns

You don't know what lies behind these eyes
You don't know what causes a heart to die...

You don't know... or don't want to understand...
and honestly... who in their right mind would... even take my hand

They would have to be able to see... and not be so blind...
To see this monster... and yet... still want me... and love me...
...come soon.... i'm so sick of all this ****** waiting...
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