Isaac 3h
Fixating on tomorrow’s duty
steals you away from today’s beauty.
Written 21 August 2018
Phi 4d
feeling the breath co-mingle
when our chests are pressed
dancing to the in-and-out-
smitten with rhythm
indignant of dignity

invigorated significance
in figure eights and sycophants

given and taken
hidden to shaken
win it by faking
I don't know
I read in a poem that there is no sound more sexual than the clink of a belt being undone but you only wear worn out t-shirts and a frown on your face. I think of the sound of tires driving slowly over the asphalt and how I could get turned on easier by a look than a touch.  Your bed and you both taste like sweat but I am not going to complain because I'd rather be overheating than alone. I consider switching on your swamp cooler but it's loud and I want to be able to hear your moans in order to remind myself that you want me too. Do you?

2. I was doing my poetry homework when I had to stop in order to write poetry.

3. I dont know if I can handle the fact that you have made playlists for other people and that is so 2018 of me. Did you make that playlist for her?

4. I'm not sure why the city feels different when you're not in it but it probably has something to do with the rope I've tied to your ankle that is tugging at my heart so hard I'm about to fall over. Its like I'm cutting the rope with a very dull knife. Piece by piece it's disappearing, string by string it's breaking off, I'm watching as it shreds, I promise it is, it's just taking time and effort. I'm sorry I did that to you, I didn't mean to. I'm sawing as hard as I can.

5. If panic attacks actually helped anything I wouldn't mind the hyperventilating but instead I still feel like a sink has sunk inside my chest even after I've calmed down. Wouldn't it be nice if you could cry it, release it, scream to the skies and then be okay afterwards? I'm not sure who made me believe the symptoms of my mental illness should be like a shower; I don't feel cleansed. I don't feel new. I only feel raw, exhausted. It feels more like that same dull knife is tearing me open each skin layer at a time until I figure out how to grab the hand that holds it or I'm left open on the table, whichever comes first.

6. I'm writing in order to breathe. If I can't get oxygen to my brain my fingers won't be able to move.

7. I'm so scared I'm going to lose you. I don't want you in any other way. I want to love you, hold you.

8. I hear a baby crying outside of your window and I realize I need to get up to go home and get my work clothes. I find these simple things excruciating. Writing to you is a diary but I never should have learned to open my mouth and speak.

9. I started this poem four months ago and titled it a seven day long poem but I guess now it’s more than that. The first 8 numbers were from May and now number 9 is from now. You always made me feel the things I’m currently feeling, I've never given up control this much in my life. I like to be in control, the one ignoring, the one who needs the time. I wish I didn’t love you like I do (it's just, there you know. It won't go away. It's not too much or too little, it's just stubborn, just like you). I'm so scared I'm going to lose you. I don't want you in any other way. I want to love you, hold you. Did you make that playlist for her too?
Here we are again.
sage 6d
the stars slip through my hands like a sieve
saying you can’t love someone is hard to believe
fucking another guy while i’m lost in your dreams
i don't miss you like you think i do
i guess the ends justify the means
idk haha
MrsFootePoems Aug 12
Isnt it funny
You always hear about couples who have screwed up
"Their only chance at love"
For the dumbest reasons
And here we are. We both know our issues
We both have them.
We both try to help each other
But if it's wrong then we snap
And now you're three feet away
But I miss you like you've been gone an eternity
And we fight fear with anger
Instead of love
Losing who we are in the process
eli Aug 11
I know you can't promise to stay forever
but promise
you'll stay for a really long time?
madyson shaye Aug 10
it isn't that bad. I like my shower, the tub is wide and its a nice silky green that makes it appear super clean which is good because I am a (reformed) dirty person who is scared of dirty showers. it's just so small, I think a little too small, and the kitchen is uncomfortably right in the room. like it's just, right there, there is no divide. it does have these cute little green and blue shelves but they're mediocre. dust gets into it a lot but it's two inches big so its not like it's that big of a deal to sweep it, I'm sure if I had to maintain much more I wouldn't be able to call myself a reformed dirty person because I'd get lazy and give up. I think I'm going to fill in the idea catcher book I bought not too long ago, keep myself busy, you know. I'm gonna go to Bookman's tomorrow and get some more little books like that, maybe one poetry based or song based, anything to keep my brain and hands busy. I used to hate that because I thought I was just pushing off inevitable pain, that if I didn't feel it all ALL ALL, like with the intensity of a dust storm on the i10 when you literally can't see a foot in front of you, I would be doing myself a disservice. I think I was a little naive. I'm not pushing off pain by breathing, staying busy, and not dwelling. I'm continuing, I'm moving forward, I'm not letting my emotions run my entire life. I am able to understand that my baseline is raised but that doesn't mean I have to stoop down to its level.
I do hope we work this out. I have said a lot of stuff and thought even more, but I love you and I want to be with you. I have to love me more though, and that's my focus. I think I might need to tell you I need some space where we don't talk because I don't want to be sitting by the phone, I don't want to end up worrying or getting anxious over what you're doing, I don't want any reason to get panicked. Maybe I just need to avoid triggers for a bit, let myself chill, breathe and relax without feeling guilty for being a suppressor. oh god, how angry I am at you, my birthday is in like two weeks. I don't want to do anything on that day and I especially don't want to see or hear from you, not unless everything is normal, which it shouldn't be. are we skipping over our anniversary? see, this is what I mean. it doesn't matter, its a pointless day that is forced onto us by capitalism and the idea that if we make more holidays people will spend more money, it doesn't really matter what day we met as long as we are spending the following days TOGETHER, I don't need to stress about these things/ maybe its because I'm so tired (I have slept 4 hours in the last 36 hours) but right now, I just want to feel settle. this wasn't my doing, I didn't choose to be here, I shouldn't have to feel it too. I want to put something in here about how I'm sure I'm going to feel it, I'm sure there's no escaping the empathy I've been cursed with ever since I first found the love of drug addicts and mental illnessee's all thanks to my dear departed father who was, ahem, both, call it daddy issues , but I am not going to. I am not going to feel it. its not my job to mourn the loss of something you ruined. fix it. it makes me feel less panicked when the ball is in my court and I have to remember that. I have to keep the control, it's the only way ill keep my cool.
re: do I tell you I can't talk to you for a few days?
re: RE: probably a good idea, but will it make it hurt worse? could it possibly be harder on us than need be?
FWD: RE: RE: seeing you will be the hardest part. knowing I only get glimpses, never a stare.
re: well? are you gonna do it then?
re: RE: im not sure if I'm strong enough.
FWD: RE: this situation isn't something that is happening to me, it is a decision I am 100% a part of. I am not okay with what has happened and I am standing up for myself, even if sometimes I get anxious and that's a little blurry.
re: RE: I didn't mean it when I said never mind, when I said we could continue on like nothing ever happened. I would never let myself be apart of something so unhealthy, not ever again. I wish I took a bit of time for myself this morning before seeing you, I bet it would have made it a little easier. I shouldn't have talked to Jake, there was no point. I love him for hearing me cry though.
DELETE MESSAGE?
DELETE INBOX?
not sure but my heart is a lil broken just so u all know. damn this bitch is resilient!! I guess thats another thing I can put on my list of good qualities. I'm gonna build it up until I love myself more than I have ever loved another person place or thing.

*you don't deserve a tag, and I'm also a little embarrassed.
Daniel Ruiz Aug 10
i'm trembling,
my heart hurts
my mind is going through
a hurricane of feelings,
water tries to escape through my eyes,
making them only water
with emotion.

And i don't know what hurts more
the fact that not a single tear has fallen,
the fact that i'm thinking about her again
or the fact that,
i try to know her

but i don't know her anymore
sad boy hours
Constantine Aug 8
I don't get it
i stood still for so long for this to work
finally we might have the timing right,
so why do i feel like this one is amiss too.
I can feel your love, it feels real this time.
I just don't know if i can say the same about mine.
I'd hate for you to read this.
I promise i love you like i always did
but i think this affection needs to be from a distance.
....
Bryce Aug 7
In the linoleum dungeon
Sparkling swiffer creature
Squirts the floor
Calls polyphemic odors
Opening

And the crazy stench of allspice
Biting lime and draconian breath
Burning the nostril coins
Copper shield bending the cilia
Oven mitts plastered with narcotic grease and decomposing meals
Of yesteryear
Unclear
She speaks between steaming inspirations

Hoo-huh

Exhale the fire

It's'a hotta pasta lasagna
As the helicopters flap their handy rotories
Fast fractal birds
In circumfereferential motion
Cool down our mouths
Ice cubes in the juice
Plop a shot of gin
With that silly child's grin

And the room slowly cants
Begins to spin
As we laugh at the spots we cannot
Pin

Staring at the stellar mountain chains
Thrusted stone
Busted metal
Stabbing up into the sky
Competition

Where is the home beyond the horizon
Where we ate good meals
Not made alone
With parental guidance
As the days were stolen
By the erosive time
That spinning wheel

Well,

It's deep in us now
And the cells metastasized
Realized
That heaven is hell.
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