I haven't drank in several weeks
and so
        35 pounds would you drop off
        Father would you call me back
        Mother would you stop reminding me not to drink
        Danny would you stop tapping me on my back
because
        I want a new morning
        where I remember
                      everything I thought I forgot
when the last drop of high life swam to my stomach
and dribbled down my shirt
                                          and I need a new shirt

tomorrow the high life is something I can't forget
because danny mom dad my new shirt

my new shirt

Last of the fledglings is leaving the nest,
As a parent you know you can only do your best,
Got this little flat that is where they are going to live,
Part furnished he says, with washing machine, cooker and fridge,
Big lad now, thinks he knows all about life,
Nineteen years old and ready to play Husband and Wife,
A bed, wardrobe, sofa and telly are things they have got
Listening to them breaking down the chores of who will be doing what,
They make it sound so, so easy talking of all they are going to do,
You know deep down there will be a reality check pretty soon,
Kids today don’t go for a paddle when visiting the sea,
They jump straight in as cold as the sea may be,
If you try to tell them you may be wasting your time,
Don’t worry about us he says we will be just fine,
These famous words that no doubt most parents have heard,
Remembering how hard it was when I set up home with a bird,
My mother god rest her, tried to tell me, but I didn’t want to know,
So get off into the big wide world son, she told me to go,
Now no one likes to ever admit they may have got it wrong,
Older, wiser, experienced, mature should be the record going on,
Not only got the hat but the T Shirt and the burnt fingers to match,
Yet Mother always said that she would leave the door on the latch,
You only learn about success, once you have had a failing,
We as parents, well we just know that it won’t be all plain sailing.

Six Months Later
Part 2

Six months been since flitting the nest
Finally admitted his decision not the best,
Honeymoon over, and now reality setting in,
Tales of infidelity and constant bickering,
Should have heeded those warnings Dad you gave,
When you said that I was digging my grave,
An uphill struggle, a never ending fight
Son didn’t ever wanted to be proved right,
It’s not about I told you so,
You really wanted to give it a go,
Wrong situation wrong time of life,
Way too young to play husband and wife,
Not only raw but most certainly naive,
Enormous costs for what you have tried to achieve,
Realisation that this horse your flogging is dead,
At our house son you will always have a bed.

How much more
- passion
How much more
- protection
How much more
- affection
Full and overflowing
Unconditional
Demonstrable and
Lavished on each of you
Will your Father in heaven
Give to those who ask

Matthew 7:11

There it is again, that
almost unbelievable
vision of you on the
hospital bed, dead,

my son. Each day
brings it, some days
in a different form,
same pain again and

again. Time heals
nothing, it just tries
to objectify it, put it
out there in suspense,

ghostlike. I thought
the ache and pain
would ease in time's
moving hands, but

no, it just seals it in
to heart, vein, muscle
and pain. Come again,
my son, when and if

you can, my dead son,
my young brave Stoic man.

FATHER TALKS TO A DEAD SON.

You are beautiful, yet terrifying.
Pushing your way to Cloud 9 Reaching for the Sky
-getting high-
Flying away from your imperfect life- away from your mom
and dead beat dad
you cry
with your big blue eyes.
You tell them lies that you are perfectly alright,
But baby, I'm right here - Right here by your side
You just have to realize, that I even know that when you are on Cloud9
    You still want to Cry.

but darling, it'll be alright.

You are beautiful, yet terrifying.
Pushing your way to Cloud 9 Reaching for the Sky
-getting high-
Flying away from your imperfect life- away from your mom
and dead beat dad
you cry
with your big blue eyes.
You tell them lies that you are perfectly alright,
But baby, I'm right here - Right here by your side
You just have to realize, that I even know that when you are on Cloud9
    You still want to Cry.

but darling, it'll be alright.
Star BG 7d

Cloud chameleons of air,
drift tickling my senses.
Animals appear in marching form
as if ushering in new day.
Fluffy ones give place for sun to sit,
as rays anoint.

A grand day, to celebrate FATHER SKY.

Nephogram is poised to be snapped
at the beauty before me.
Buttermilk sky touches birds wings,
as they fly gracefully.
Rainbow energies are ready to emerge
after dark skies release tears.

Its a grand day, to celebrate FATHER SKY.

White nebulosity’s cover blue satin sky,
as angel clouds drift to grace eyes.
Curls of white hair-like fibers move
as planes play a hide and seek game.
Fluffy wool packs glistened with sun,
giving wings to dreams.

Its a grand day to celebrate Father Sky.

Feathered canyons beg to be explored
by creative mind moving with child excitement.

Poets grab their beauty and run across
lines of vellum to create masterpieces.

Heart bonds with billowed mantle of sky,
a gift to all who walk below.

Its a grand day to celebrate FATHER SKY.
A grand day to celebrate.

inspired by Cne
Star BG May 17

In morning breath,
my gratitude prayer rises from heart.
It starts for Gia, the Mother of us all.
The place we move upon in life to feel her love.
The Mother, who hugs us and whispers inside wind,
carrying a diamond at core to aid with wisdom.

Once said, many a thought of gratitude builds
like a volcano of sacred light.
For The Divine whose essence of love filters through me.
My life's gifts, that emanate within to share.
Angels and guides, who shelter and lead in grace.
Father sky, whose vast precious highway is home for birds
and rainbow dreams.
For parents who taught me well,
even though lessons dished out were sometimes hard.

In breath another round begins.
For ancestors that lead in pathways of discovery for me to be born.
My family and friends that anchor me when seas get rough.
A sacred form who takes a beating and keeps on ticking.
And for all people on their journey,
whom I have been blessed to meet.

The list goes on for every moment, every breath
and my soul who has given me life force energy.
Energy, to make a difference and experience life on earth.

In morning breath I am grateful, grateful, grateful.

Being grateful is empowering even when you say it for things that are difficult in life. Try it you'll like it.
Lou Gato May 17

As hard as it is to face death
sometimes, I find it just as hard to
face breath
thought cycles killing me I can say
I came stressed
you don't know what it is to get
this strained and face mess
main test missed and I cant
retrace steps
and I have to risk pain and love in
the same breath
I change less, with these problems I play
chess
I came best, word to god I just ain't blessed
the only reason I strive to live is to
gain depth
and hopefully I can all but give what I
ain't get
my daughter is my heart and her life is
my main test...

love daddy.

Adrian Avery May 14

A true mother is always there for me
A true mother loves me unconditionally
A true mother holds my hand in the rain
A true mother can soothe my pain.

But I grew up bent and crooked
I knew from a young age
That my dad and I were different
Our family's not the same.

So where were you when I needed
A hug, a smile, a cake?
You let me go as a toddler
But what a difference did it make!

You can't trick me into forgetting you
I recognised you again
When I saw you nine years later
It's like you stepped out of my head.

Your face was still the same
Sure, your hair was different.
And I know I'm not to blame
For you deciding to be distant.

But if you'd been here earlier
When I needed your reassurance
Maybe I wouldn't be surlier
Towards those with mother's affections.

I grew up bent and crooked
I knew from a young age
That my dad and I were different
Our family's not the same.

So where were you when I needed
A hug, a smile, a cake?
You let me go as a toddler
But what a difference did it make!

What else can I do on Mother's Day
Except cry or remember you?
Do other parents split for comfort?
Do they really think things through?

I don't know what to think
When others say I'm fortunate.
I grew up with poor self-esteem
And no one to correct it.

One parent may understand something
Much better, or more accurately.
My mum can understand my body
My dad understands my personality.

I grew up bent and crooked
I knew from a young age
That my dad and I were different
Our family's not the same.

So where were you when I needed
A hug, a smile, a cake?
You let me go as a toddler
But what a difference did it make!

So my true mother is my dad
He tried to be like a mother.
And I realise because he cared for me
His gender doesn't matter.

A true mother is always there for me
A true mother loves me unconditionally
A true mother holds my hand in the rain
A true mother can soothe my pain.

Today I'll give dad a hug
And say 'thanks for caring what I think.'
I won't bullshit a 'happy Mother's Day'
Or give him anything pink.

I won't pretend he's someone he isn't
He's fairly respectful of me.
I'm not a perfect daughter
And never was a girl, you see.

And before you blame who I am
On the lack of a mother
Did you choose to be one child
Or have a sister, or a brother?

I don't know what to think
When others say I'm fortunate.
I grew up with poor self-esteem
And no one to correct it.

At least I learned for other parents
Don't leave kids when they're young.
They'll learn before 5, that when someone's gone
There's nothing that can be done.

This poem is very self explanatory and personal. I realised it's Mother's Day today and decided I needed to vent on why Mother's Day isn't easy for me and others who grew up without a mother. There's pros and cons to every family but I sure as hell didn't choose the cons!
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