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kay Jun 2014
I grew up ignored.
Not neglected, never abused.
Ignored.
Blithely alone with people unawares of my existence besides them.
They spoke about me as though I were not there, so I learned not to be.
I spoke myself through days that stretched into years.
"Don't draw attention.
Don't speak unless spoken to.
Don't be the interesting one.
They aren't interested in you, anyway."
Siblings stole the spotlight and I let them.
'Being ignored is like being abused, kind of. '
No, not really.
Being ignored is being silent and knowing what happens even though no one else does.
Being the ignored one means that you don't have pressure to achieve; you don't exist.
You are no better
No worse
Nothing at all.
You are nothing at all.
And eventually,
You learn to appreciate that nothing-at-all feeling.
It's freeing.
You don't have to worry about things like looks because you don't get seen.
Scars are ignored because they exist on you.
Making friends, though, is hard.
"How do you share like interests when you've never been important to have any at all?"
I'd ask.
"Figure it out."
I would tell myself.
"You have before."
Take on the skins of people around you.
Be who they want you to be.
Be replaceable in that way that makes you needed.
Simpler than it sounds, really.
Being nothing is so freeing
So calming
So boring
So cold.
And empty.
Like the nothing-at-all you are.
Cailey Jun 2014
I welcome the sullen morning
I gaze upon the empty sea
I stare into the empty blue
And it's darkness envelops me

I welcome the sullen morning
I feel the clutch of the icy breeze
I think of you and wish the blue
Would blanket over me

I welcome the sullen morning
My troubles buried in the sand
I wish my memories farewell
As I watch them tumble in the waves
Of my past
Wendell A Brown May 2014
Where can I go
to hide from
this image of love
that haunts me?

For even at night
when I lay down
to sleep, as my eyes
close I see your
smile…

When I am not
near you, the hunger
becomes much too
unbearable…

And when you are near
to me, I want to hold
you so very close, even
to the point of feeling
our hearts beating...
together as one

For I have become
overwhelmed by this
sweet love with its
enduring strength to
bind a willing slave
to its powers

And I know that my life
could never be happy
without you always by my
side.
When I first met my wife in April 1977, we stayed in separate dormitories, men with men, and women with women in the Air Force, we married June 24 of that same year...it will be 37 years  this June, love at first sight does happen
tesawor May 2014
From all that is magickal within me,
From all that is divine within me,
The seeds of my soul, I now sow,
So that all of my dreams may grow.
Hannah Anderson May 2014
I wrote a poem for my biography to a special person about Adam, I thought you would like to read it.

Blue Heart

You were 18, so many years in front of you.
It felt like a dark eternity, you didn’t want to go.
I saw it in your sunken eyes.
The vacant stare and sad dark eyes.
I saw when you were sitting around the table prom night.
So much going around but you were too calm
too collected.
too inside your mind for us.
I knew that blank expression from experience
All too well.
You screamed for help
silent and loud
I reached for your hand
but you
f
e
  l
   l



You were poised and calm
Broken but full of love.
All I wanted to do was help you.
you were standing still when the world went on
and it did go on, it did, without you.

When you were standing there at the edge
I wondered about you, all in my head.
We were short lived, a friendship that was fast.
You came, changed me, then you left.
it came and went in a flash.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not cross with you.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no


Your color was blue
Blue heart, blue veins
Blue is the color of our planet
from far far away
we wore it proud it was all for you,
a blue solemn silence.
and the world spun fast and
all the people hurried fast, real fast
and no one ever smiled.

You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Meeting you was bitter
you put me through stress, anxiety and heartache
you put me through shame and shock
All I wanted was you by my side,
and you there was not.

Meeting you was sweet
you gave me smiles and laughs,
good music and thoughts
you gave me a feeling of friendship and care.
All I wanted was you by my side,
but you were not there.

You were poised and calm,
you rubbed off on me.
I was hyped and excited
you called me “ADHD”


You drove an old red beater with water bottles everywhere,
with **** in the glove compartment.
but you didn’t care.
Your drove with sunglasses and the FM radio loud.
You drove in silence, thinking no doubt.


You loved the sun but you would hike for the shade
when we were together you took me away.
I didn’t think, I didn’t have nerves.
We talked about the world
We talked about life
You had a life you thought you didn’t deserve.

Whoever planted that seed
had some **** nerve
you wrote like me but I wrote for myself
you wrote for us when there’d be nothing else.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no


When you were gone
I read
and
I read
i wanted to know exactly when
you felt what you felt.
You called me your jav friend
you called me your angel

You are up there watching over me
I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.

I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you


I only see you in my head
Dreaming once and a while of your smile,
of your eyes
but they are never dark
they are never sad
they are never empty
The vacant stare is not there.
your hair is a giant mess
and I freeze that moment right there.


You said you were alone
you said it was a secret
you asked me about my darkest
and you told me all your secrets
I have never been in that much peace knowing I kept you there
It felt like moments when it was hours and you were gone too **** soon.
tomorrow came too fast and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Now I wear a band on my wrist
and pray for your peace
that is all I have left,
but you mean so much to me.
I hope you are happy,
I hope your journey has ended
and you found what you wanted
My heart was once broken
but soon if all this is true
it will be mended.
This is about my friend who committed suicide on 5/19/13 the anniversary just passed and I wrote this for english.
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Hannah Anderson May 2014
You will learn how to sleep alone
how to avoid the cold corner but still fill a bed
always be friends with the broken people
they will teach you how to survive
you can love someone and hate them
all at once
you can
i have
you can miss them so much you ache
but still
ignore your phone when they hall
ignore them in the hall
You are good at something
whether it's making someone laugh or saying hello
don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't matter
you will always be hungry for love
always
even when someone is sleep next to you
you will envy the pillow touching their check
you will yearn for a love much bigger than you or i or him or her
you want a love of a higher power and a long life
you want serenity
and you want heaven
you want love
and life
and light
Mustafa Shabbir May 2014
As I stood there waiting. Waiting for something happen.
I found it rather hard to decide. What had me mesmerised?
Was it her laugh. Or the glimmer in her eyes.
In all the time I took to decide. She found someone other.
I still stand there waiting. Waiting for something to happen.
A gala of life,
A crowd humming with melody.
Heaving each hand above,
Waving with the gust itself.

As the spotlight has smacked me,
Perhaps, just perhaps –
That’s the time when he first noticed me,
At the backside, I assumed, there he stood.

The song was brought to a close,
I see people with their hands ready.
I was about to loom them,
But with someone’s gaze, this chap has trapped me.

How lofty man is he,
For when I’m in 5’3,
I calculated our slits;
His black hair outshines the lights,
And that led me to not look at him directly.

His words are about to be spoken,
And left it with a declarative verdict.
For he's about to ask me a question,
That jiffy, I never had spite in psyche.

Asked me with my name,
And I even gave him a reply.
It seems hard for him to understand,
With a brunt, the mob has left a mark.

There was a silence,
But his hands came near mine –
Offering me a handshake as a usual greeting;
I gave him a hand and smiles reflected back.

“What year are you?” he asked,
“Fourth year,” I uttered with respect.
He even asked over my course,
That’s why I thought he discern someone I know.

And it looks as if he hates digits,
And yet told me I was excellent with that –
Without even knowing,
My trouble zone was Math.

I was direct with my words,
As questions were raised by this man.
I don’t know why I responded him,
Or maybe just to give him a reverence.

As someone uttered my name,
I turned back from this guy.
With such proverbial voice,
I seek out where the origin is.

With the seats to which my eyes were hub,
The same guy had advanced me.
“Where d’you live?” he posed;
And I pointed out where it is.

The tête-à-tête was ‘kinda rude,
And we just sit where our things are.
With his eyes, looking at me
I felt mindful where it’d lead.

After that service, I was about to go;
Finding a friend to join me with a way home;
And with his red top,
I saw him with a look yet keen.

*I don't know why. I don't know how. Oh! C'mon! I'm being distracted.

(3/17/13 @xirlleelang)
ilina286 May 2014
-
When it's late at night
And I'm all alone
What can i do
Except think of you.
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