Cancer.
Carcinoma.
Unintentional cellular suic*de.
All just different ways to say
I'm dying.

They say we fought a battle.
They say we died valiantly.
And once "they" stop talking,
I'd tell them it's more like
we were drafted into a room
where we were forced to put
guns against our heads
and play Russian Roulette
while doctors say
THESE ARE YOUR ODDS.
BEAT THEM.
We learn it's harder
to shoot a gun
while doctors play darts
on our arms.
We learn there's no such thing
as an
empty gun.

Sometimes I feel like I'd have
a better chance surviving
a car crash.
And I cry with my mom
because we both know she'll
survive the backlash.

Now I know you'll have no reason to.
I'll be another
name on a list
another
body, six feet under.

But of all the things about me,
my name is what I hope you remember the least.
But if that's what tethers you
to my memory,
promise me

you'll say my name

and remember.
So this wasn't intended to offend anyone.
I don't have cancer, I wanted to try writing from that perspective.
I know this is a sensitive topic so again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
xxx
In retrospect,
this isn't the worst thing
you could've thought.
But it doesn't take a genius to realize
IT MIGHT NOT INVOLVE YOU
step off your high horse for a sec,
because I won't
grace you with my words,
if you don't have the grace
to listen to my silence.
This was a very passive-aggressive poem,
I posted it knowing that the person I was talking to would see it.
xxx
The moment you worry
About the days which are gone
You create the current warry
About what you couldn't control
Warry is a slick word
liv 3d
everyone in my head
is so judgmental
no they're not voices
they're conversations
i've made up
and haven't even happened
yet
i promise i'm not crazy
Mary L 4d
Like a thrumming light,
This social anxiety,
I'm uncomfortable,
My hair feels sticky,
My palms are sweating,
I'm fidgeting,
Doodling with this pen,
Because-
I'm worried you'll see me like this
If I look up.

I literally can't look into your eyes
I keep analyzing this,
I need to stop thinking about it,
Also,
         I
           feel
                  like
                        you don't care.
I'm obviously in pain,
Everything feels
                              detatched

But
I feel like you don't care.

I'm so itchy,
And- tired
.
I put my head down.
I close my eyes.
I can feel you,
Looking at my
Oily
Skin.
And my frizzy
hair.
I'm not your type,
Whatever.
You're
probably
Not even mine.
It's not comforting.
But-
I can shut
Everything
Out,
For a second.
By
Closing my eyes.
Imagine
It's
Backround
                   noise.
Like drinking water,
This
Calm,
From
the storm.
This eye.
But your eyes-
I open my eyes-
You're smiling,
Kind of-
Intense,
Like a thrumming light.
Just a messy poem about my social anxiety in math class.
As broken he was
A burning flame resided still
he smiled vaguely
Burning bridges momentarily wondering why.
Why were these built in the first place.
In this time in my life i was seeking to make ends and finish things with someone in my life. Sadly the bridge is on fire but still remains
Seanathon Apr 15
The height of the stars
The depths of the ocean
The colors of the flowers
And the warmth of a summers morn
No human heart nor hand to hold
Is responsible for making you
Feel with such feelings as these adorn
To love is to try. To forgive is to forget. And such choices go beyond mere human fleeting feelings.
Sasha Raven Apr 13
Who was that man - a stranger?
For me he represents a danger ...
You know him very, very well,
made - up stories just do not tell ...
I thought you were on my side,
you love him, do not need to hide ...
So here our short story ends,
no, we cannot even be friends ...
I was imagining - a true love is alive,
go with him in his wealthy ''hive'' ...
When you are estranged, do not call,
yes, I know, you always rise, then you fall ...
Mike D Apr 12
'S'
Like the mightiest of mighty oak trees
you were an awe inspiring sight
A presence about you commanded respect
And gave the bravest of men a touch of fright
As I grew up your hand was stern
as you guided our small tribe
Regimen and discipline
Remnants of a past you did not hide
Calm and steady under pressure
Always ready and on alert
The one people would look up to
In times of fear or if they’re hurt
A natural born leader
An analytical mind
Gregarious and witty
Often approachable and kind
All of these qualities and traits
People could quantify and see
You were a brave and heroic man
but you were much more than that to me

They sent you off to war
when you weren’t much more than a boy
Didn’t sign up or ask to go
But still a foreign country you were deployed
Even though you weren’t commissioned
Your rank gave you command of men
Following orders while trying to ensure
that they’d all make it home again
I’m sure you did the best you could
It was something you rarely talked about
You left that place but still carried it with you
And there was a piece of you that never got out

One who protects and watches over
A principle ingrained in you
First to answer when duty calls
A code of honor also shared too
with your hero in the pages
of those comics that you read
“Truth, justice, and the American way”
wasn’t just a slogan to be said
Your career was a perfect fit
At least to those of us who knew you
Always said you fell into it
Originally taken as something to do
While you figured out what path
The direction in life you wanted to take
But it’s funny how often life chooses
not leaving these decisions for us to make

Every time you went to work
and you put that uniform on
Never knew what you’d encounter
Potential risks and unknown harm
Much like suiting up for battle
Ultimately could give your life
But did not hesitate or waiver
It was your job; Did not think twice
The risks were something you accepted
but absolutely did not define
what you did for thirty-four years
in the community spending time
building relations and working together
Being there if ever needed
Responding first whenever alerted
Running to help those who begged and pleaded
Or if they simply asked
No matter whether big or small
Your duty was to protect and serve
Running to aid those if they called
But much more than an oath
This made up your moral fiber
A defining characteristic
It was something you could not fight or
deny even if you wanted to
And I don’t think there was a moment that you did
Reminiscent of those comic books
You were enamored with as a kid

You often wore a Superman shirt
The one emblazoned with an ‘S’
Underneath your button up
Inconspicuously so none would guess
You laughed it off as a game
A type of joke or of the like
You grew up a fan of the character
Since you were just a little tyke
But I could tell it was something more
You respected the message too
Facing bad guys while maintaining morals and character
A narrative also describing you

By definition we as human beings
are imperfect beings who make mistakes
You were not a perfect man
It’s an impossible task to undertake
I know you cared for each of us
and you did the best you could
Discipline often draws conflict
Actions might not be understood
It’s not until much later
when the child becomes adult
and the passage of time adds wisdom
Deciphering and figure out
Perspective is a funny thing
Eyes are opened when you gain it
Now realizing what you dealt with in your life
And how it’s a miracle you didn’t lose your shit
All things considered it’s an impressive feat
what you experienced and responsibilities you undertook
And had a successful career and raised a family
Most would be unable to survive one page in your book

I only wish I could have told you
what now I finally know
My ability to appreciate
How time has made it so
But that same time took you from us
No longer are you here
At least not in a physical form
My heart I hold you dear
And now added to that shirt you wore
You don a fire red cape
Flying high up in the sky
No bad guy can escape
You kept us safe; You taught us well
Each day your wisdom guides me
Impossible to fill your shoes
It's not something I try to be
Instead I strive to be the best
version of me possibly
and hopefully that’s enough
to make you proud when you look down on me

There are those who thought they knew you
but deep down they did not know
A secret you kept from them all
Something you didn’t show
Foolishly they bought your act
To them you were a man
Don’t worry dad, I will not tell
but I know you’re Superman.
Written: April 12, 2018

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