you said it was a respite
but I didn't rest a bit
they were screaming at the walls
and always answering back with spit
always answering back,
said *** is nice but so is
the doctor
gives her cures
gives her cures
they were playing a board game
they were all winning
there weren't any rules
the room was spinning
she thought about his face, so much
it sent her to the bathroom
on her knees
don't empty out this old tomb
if you do it backwards
everything always moves slow
if you're asking why  I went
it's because you sent me
you said it was a respite
but the beds were all empty

Like living with a monkey,
monkey see monkey do,
Being distracted with everything,
Even when there's nothing.

Like having a hidden malicious hand,
Loves playing hide and seek,
Items seem to dissappear,
As if they were warped to another world,
By a magical hand in your head.

Like having thousands of voices pleading for your attention,
Yet you hear none,
Just unintelligible sentences.

Like you're always on a pill of joy,
Yet feel so hollow,
It can be a double edged sword,
As your awareness of others' emotions,
Is comparable to an infant's knowledge of the Lorem Ipsum.

Like having your psyche torn apart,
A battlefield,
When you're fighting for control,
You lay waste to your own mind,
Even if you won,
The exhaustion and lack of motivation,
is a sign of a pyrrhic victory.

Wall to wall and ceiling to floor
They bounce and shake their sheltered home
My thoughts whirl in a whirlwind of smoke

One after the other, there they go
Chasing after one another innocently
My mind enjoys the play of tag

One moment its thinking of this
Another of thinking of that
My A.D.D. Is getting out of hand

Words that are spoken to me
Go over my head
My mind would rather dream instead

Work is a chore for my focus,
It wavers and is forgetful
My mind doesn't care if it is important

Sleeping is pitiful
For the dreams are bursting in
My mind that cannot rest

Getting up is a joke
The midnight dreams want to be relived
My mind is too nice to reject them

A shower takes hours
The water is so nice for a daydream to run wild
My mind gets clouded with the steam

Everyday task gets overwhelming
When my attention runs in the opposite direction
My mind decided to go and wander

A.D.D. Has left me insane
It had given birth to depression and anxiety
My mind is in shambles

"Stop It!" shouted the man
who was dressed in a ***** pin stripe suit,
eye glasses half askew on his nose,
ski-***** haircut sported since his youth.

My face turned blank, shoulders shrugged
not fearing this man's belligerent outburst
because I was used to it;
it was the hundredth time I felt it's sting.

I stood there, patiently and quiet
caressing my double bass violin
my secret seventh grade lover;
she had **** curves and a deep, soothing voice.

I stood there, impatiently and quiet
waiting for Mr. Heidrich to finish the lesson
focused on the third seat violinist
whom played without feeling, again.

I stood there, overbearingly anxious
tapping on the shoulder of my wooden BFF
my rendition of the William Tell Overture
A performance worthy of a Grammy!

The man in the ***** pin stripe suit,
turned and looked at me, scornfully
his half-bald head turned beet red
body shook violently like an earthquake!

The energy released from his gullet
would have made Mount Vesuvius jealous
fiery vocals of curse and rage
would have made the evilest of demons run for cover!

My face turned blank, shoulders shrugged
not fearing this man's belligerent outburst
because I was used to it;
it was the 101st time I felt it's sting.

If a cloud must release its aggressions into rain than I should with mine.
Release some unfathomable emotion too heavy to bear into the abyss of life so that for a moment I can feel.
Just feel and nothing else.
Feel and do what I wish without all that painful noise that just keeps banging in my head.
For once I'd like to do what I must without having to drag my brain so it can meet my heart
So that I can finally dance that dance I've been wishing for.
Yet i never budge from needless distraction to needless distraction fogging the path and blinding my will.
And I just hurt and keep it in.
Just build all the hurt and self-inflicted shame and pain
and stow it away
While I continue on my half-assed existance.
No one knows when that sweet recipe poisons the heart until its too late.
So much turmoil cannot exist inside a soul no matter what.
And I begin to molt and malfunction trying to hold my broken self together amongst the storm in my heart.
It becomes so difficult to just be human when on the precipice of breaking down.
You can't even find the strength to eat let alone smile.
It ***** your marrow and leaves you frail to touch.
One even goes the length of finding different cures to try to rid themselves of this ache doesn't sustain any life it latches itself on.
Although it's never quite enough to stop the pain completely.
Even with the perfect magic potion, made to adjust the chemicals in your head, it might not work completely.
One must take it in themselves to make a change as well and release all those fears collected by the years in open air
and continue to do just that.
Know that there'll always be storms in the heart that will try to devastate your life.
Let the rain flow from your mind as I'll try with mine.
And maybe then the sun will come out once again.

Pay Attention!

Who would name their child, "Attention?"

Attention works in the ticket booth

Five cents per entry

Surprise of the Century!

It's crazy inside!

So, Pay Attention

if you want to take a ride.

ADHD

from this you can't hide.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Methylphenidate

is great!

.

.

.

.

...But at night

My head is a radio tower

The thoughts and information bouncing off the walls of my mind

Front to back

Voices from different frequencies

Endlessly bombarding me.

Never stopping

Never ending.

.
.
.
.


And for the first time in my life

.
.
.


I find myself begging for a place

.
.
.

Where I don't get cell service.

Ask me about my attention deficit disorder
Or Pie
Or my cat, a dog.
I have a bike.
Do you like TV?
I saw a rock today.
Hi.
No really ask me
I promise my attention is on you
Ooh, look at that book!
It’s so pretty
I love books
Do you like books?
Sorry.
I’ll try harder to focus
But I can’t
Yes I can
No, I can’t
Yes. I can.
No. you can’t so here's a few drugs were testing on you
Go ahead
You'll be smarter and better
We promise.
Now don't complain or else we'll take them away.
My brain swirls around in a million whirlpools as I look around a small room
I can't seem to hear what my teacher is saying
But I try to keep my eyes on the board.
Even though my eyes are on the board
My mind continues to swirl
I can't focus
I try and try and try, but nothing seems to help.
Then the drugs.
The drugs that make me focus but remove my focus on food
I don’t eat for days.
I can’t sleep because the drugs make my mind race.
Oh, you can’t sleep? Here are some more drugs.
Now sleep focus and try to get through life without wanting to scream.